The snow didn't crunch under my feet as I fled. I ran over the terrain soundlessly. As the three vampires chased after me, one pair of footsteps approached quicker than the rest. This vampire was fast. Almost as fast as me. If I wasn't carrying my prey, I might have escaped. The body slung over my shoulder slowed me down significantly.

I tried to loop around a fallen tree when a strong, solid arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back. The jolting stop caused my prey to fly out of my arms. It landed on the snow a few feet away with a loud thump. Its limbs sprawled out on the snow, limp and contorted.

"Calm down, please," the vampire instructed. His tone was too wild with worry to soothe. Again, his sweet voice was a siren call I struggled to resist. But the call of blood was stronger. I writhed, desperate to escape. Using all his might, the vampire unrooted me from the ground and turned me away from the body. With the blood out of my sight, I whimpered in agony.

At the sound of my pain, the vampire released his tight hold on me, ever so slightly. It was enough that I was able to wiggle out of his grasp. As I fled, I elbowed him in the jaw and punched him in the gut to give myself a decent head start.

He grunted in pain.

His pain gave me no pleasure, but I didn't have time to figure out why. I needed to get myself and my prey as far from him as possible. The blood would be cool at this point. Not as satisfying, but not ruined. I spun on my heels to snatch the body but the spot where it once lay was completely empty. I whirled. The other two vampires must have stolen it while the third held me captive.

"Bella!" He cried, attempting to grapple me again.

Infuriated with his role in stealing my blood, I attacked him more viciously than before. He might have been as fast as me, but I was stronger than him. I jumped in the air and dropkicked him in the chest. The force sent him back into the large pine tree. The crack of the massive truck and the thundering boom that followed shook the forest floor, but I didn't look back to see the damage I caused.

I was off in the opposite direction.

Out of sight of the three vampires, I followed my instinct blindly. Eventually, I came across a river. I waded in the freezing water, unbothered by the temperature. I sank beneath the surface, pleased to discover that I was as strong a swimmer as I was a runner. I swam upriver until I decided I was a good distance from the vampires, I rose to the surface.

Tentatively, I crawled out of the water.

I sniffed the air for any signs of vampires, then the ground. There was none. Cautiously, I crept into the safety of the dense forest. As my confidence in my successful evasion grew, I picked up speed. I ran faster. And faster. It seemed as if my feet knew exactly where to go that would bring us more blood.

I skidded to a screeching halt when another delectable scent wafted through the crisp forest air. I rushed after it, breaking through branches and smaller trees, unbothered by the destruction I left in my wake. When I arrived at the source of the scent, I was shocked that it originated from a puddle on the ground. I cocked my head to the side, perplexed. It was more than a disappointment. One of the best parts about blood was drinking the warm liquid from the pulsing veins of the victim. As I bent down for a tentative taste, a quiet rustle of pine needles sounded in the branches above my head. Before I could look up, a vampire landed on me, taking me down with the full force of her weight. The two of us sprawled in the snow, her on top. Furious, I reached to throw her off me.

But she removed her arm from where it was a fraction of a second before I could grab her. She moved off me and into a defensive crouch that made every single one of my instincts scream in alarm.

"Bella," her voice was high-pitched and familiar. "It's me, Alice. I know it's easy to forget boring ol' Edward, but I'm unforgettable."

The name Edward flared something dangerously protective in me.

I bared my teeth. She was small. I would be able to annihilate her. I hurled myself at her. She side-stepped out of the way at the last possible second, causing me to run face-first into a tree. The impact caused the entire tree to collapse, and I collapsed with it. I tore away all the branches that ineffectively pinned me to the ground. The female vampire stood to the side and watched as I fought my way back to a standing position.

She giggled, delighted. "New species. Same klutz."

Something about her cocky attitude rubbed me the wrong way. As if this little vampire had a history of bossing me around. Without thinking, I flung myself at her. This time, she didn't dance out of the way. I was able to grab a fistful of her short, inky hair and pull. She whacked me in the chest, but I held tight, bringing her with me as I stumbled back from the force.

"Get ahold of yourself," she growled, finally provoked. She punched me square in the face, hitting the space that I moved into to dodge her attack rather than where I had been.

That was familiar to me. I couldn't place where or how.

My epiphany gave her a chance to flit out of my grasp. She spun out of my reach. "Wake up or I'll kick Edward in the head."

I roared and grabbed for her. Again, she danced out of the way.

"Wake up or I'll kiss Edward on the mouth."

Her taunts made me lose the final dregs of control I had over myself. Blinded by rage, I attacked. The forest rumbled each time my solid punches made contact with her stony flesh. Just as I was about to pop the head off her slight, swan-like neck a great force knocked me off her. This new vampire swept me up into the air. He roared with fury. As I was momentarily stunned, he grabbed one of my arms in each of his hands. I writhed, terrified for the first time.

He pulled his arms apart in a swift, practiced motion.

A crack echoed through the forest. Stars exploded in my vision. A rush of pain flooded into every inch of my body. The vampire released me, and I fell to the forest floor, landing on my right shoulder. I howled in agony.

As the stars dissipated, I was suddenly in the dark, under a moonless sky. It was the only memory I had of experiencing pain as intense as this. A ghostly pain that left a broken, empty husk in its wake.

Much like at night, I curled into myself in hopeless misery.

Unlike that night, the only voice in the world I wanted to hear broke through the silence.

"Bella!" it shrieked. "What did you do to her!?"

The response was deep and menacing. "Pain is usually enough to bring them back to themselves."

I whimpered. Terrified and hurt, I let myself be pulled into a pair of strong arms. These arms didn't constrict, they merely held me.

"It's alright, it's alright." Edward, I remembered. His delicate touch. His honey-orange scent. I melted against him. "That's right. I'm right here."

"My arm," I whined.

"I know, sweetheart. Don't worry. I'm going to fix it."

I didn't understand how he could. When Edward left, it left like he had ripped my heart out and taken it with him. The pain in my arm was disturbingly similar. To fix my empty chest, all Edward needed to do was return and he brought my heart back with him. I didn't know what he could do to help my aching arm.

Out of morbid curiosity, I turned my head to watch what he planned to do. He caught my chin and gently guided my face between his chin and shoulder. "Stay still. Keep your eyes closed."

Of course, I didn't listen. I was stronger than Edward and effortlessly broke free of his hold on me. I looked down at my arm. Only, I wasn't looking at my arm. Just a shattered nub at my shoulder.

I screamed.

"Don't panic! Stay with me."

Still screaming, I squeezed my eyes shut.

More roughly, Edward pushed my face into his neck. His skin muffled my screams until they digressed into panicked whimpers.

There were a few tense footsteps around me. Then, an exchange. Edward pressed something against my shoulder tightly and held it there. As we waited, he whispered a few more calming adorations and placed a few gentle kisses in my hair.

I trembled against his chest.

"Okay," he whispered after a few moments, "you can look now."

I blinked cautiously. True to his word, my arm was back. Another tearless sob rippled through me as Edward maintained his hold on my shoulder, gently pressing into it. I bent my elbow, then my wrist. Wiggled a few fingers. Everything appeared to be in working order. As I furled and unfurled my fist, a pair of tentative footsteps approached us. My muscles tensed, ready to pounce, but Edward rubbed soothing circles into my back, coaxing me to relax.

"Thank you, Emmett." Edward brought something to my lips. "Drink this."

I choked on the blood. The flavor was all wrong—like someone had replaced my fountain drink with the diet version. "What is that?"

"Bear blood. Please drink it, Bella."

At his insistence, I reluctantly forced it down.

Knowing Emmett's preference for bear blood, I looked up at him to tease him for his bad taste. For the first time, Emmett did not appear to be in a teasing mood. His lips were turned down—his golden eyes impassive. I swallowed the joke. Behind him, Rosalie's face was twisted in a similar grimace. That was a familiar sight. She stood as far away as she could from the group with her arms crossed.

When she met my gaze, I recalled what I had done to her when she tried to pull me out of my blood-induced frenzy. The attack against her that seemed so impressive at the time now seemed downright cruel. There was a solid chase she now bore a silvery scar on her from my teeth, like the scar I bore from James.

"I'm sorry, Rose."

"It's fine," Edward answered brusquely on our sister's behalf. With his free hand, he brought the thermos back to my lips. "Please finish this."

With a wince, I remembered I had also done a number on Alice. I looked around the small clearing for Alice and Jasper so I could apologize, but they weren't anywhere to be seen. A different pair of vampires stepped through the trees.

"Oh, darling!" Esme rushed towards me. Edward reluctantly released his hold on me of Esme could pull me into her arms. "You had us worried sick."

I swallowed, wincing at the fire that scorched my throat. It hurt so badly, I thought I would barely manage to croak, but when I spoke my voice was clear and sonorous as ever. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me…"

"How dare you," Edward growled. From where he sat behind me and Esme, he rose. He stepped in front of me, his posture low and protective. For a startling second, I thought Victoria or Aro had returned. No one would inspire such wrath from Edward. But it was Jasper who stepped between the trees.

"I believe you mean thank you," Jasper responded, curtly.

"You will never lay a hand on her again!" Edward roared.

In the blink of an eye, Jasper went from across the clearing to directly in front of Edward.

"She needed to be stopped!" Jasper growled back. His voice was much calmer than Edward's but far more intimidating.

"She's not one of your blood-crazed newborns! She's—,"

"That's exactly what she is!" Jasper jammed a finger in my direction. I flinched back. "And she lost every ounce of control the second she smelled blood because you refused to introduce it to her properly."

Edward sucked in a deep breath through his nose. "I was giving her time to adjust."

"You were playing house with your new porcelain pet."

Edward barred his teeth.

Jasper continued. "Feel free to coddle and shut her eyes to the horrors of this life like you did when she was human. I'll continue to clean up your messes. Just know that I'm going to clean them in whatever way I see fit."

"I don't care what you think is appropriate. You will never break her again."

Jasper licked his lips. His eyes were dark black and hungry. If looks could kill, Edward would be lifeless on the ground. I huddled against Esme. Seemingly unphased by our brother, Edward stood his ground as Jasper loomed over him, closing the distance between them. "If she hurts Alice again and I'll tear off more than just her arm."

"The core of my existence has been hunted, beaten, fed on, dead, threatened, and mauled. If Alice's life had been threatened just once you wouldn't let anyone so much as breathe in her direction let alone—,"

"Her life was threatened!" Jasper screamed back, smashing whatever kept his emotions in check into smithereens. "When she ran off to Italy and disappeared for three days to rescue you!"

At this point, I was quaking against Esme. She rubbed my shoulder. "I think we should leave them to get this out of their system. Let's get you home and into something dry."

"Take her through the—," Carlisle started.

"I know," Esme whispered. I wondered at her reaction toward Carlisle. Usually, she was the perfect picture of patience. I never once heard her interrupt anyone before, especially not Carlisle.

The two of us walked at a brisk vampire pace—about as quick as a steady human run. Esme kept her arm around me and let me rest my head on her shoulder. As we walked, I realized I didn't recognize any of the landscape we passed. I wasn't the best with directions as a human, and they didn't get much better with my transition. Esme seemed confident as she led us, so I didn't voice my concerns.

We stopped in front of two mounds of dirt, marked with large stones. The holes must have been freshly buried, otherwise, they would have been covered in a blanket of snow, like the rest of the forest.

"They were hikers," she whispered. "Carlisle believes they were lost. The woman had maps of the mountains in her fanny pack. Her ID was in there as well. Her name was Holly Vogel. Isn't that pretty?" she squeezed my shoulder. "We couldn't find anything to identify the man, but we could assume they were together.

I opened my mouth to ask Esme why she told me that, but before I could sound the words, the memories of the day hit with a rush, like water breaking free of a dam.

My hands flew to my mouth in horror as I recalled the terrified expression of a man seconds before his death. He had a thick salt-and-pepper beard and an orange wool hat. That was all I could remember.

That, and the taste of his blood.

There was no animal. I had attacked and fed from two human beings. Human blood colored my eyes red.

Emotion swelled within. In this stone body of mine, there was no way to release it. There were no tears to shed. It built inside until I choked, gasping for air. Then, it erupted from my lips in a blood-curdling scream. The pine needles shook. The few birds scattered. I fell to the forest floor. My hands covered my eyes. I wished I could pull them from their sockets and free myself from the shame of my first real hunt.

Esme remained perfect still, allowing me to get it all out. Almost every other family member would have attempted to placate me, but Esme let me wail.

"It will never get easier," Esme spoke in a low, monotone voice. "You are going to carry the weight of these deaths for the rest of your life. Of course, we will do our best to make it right. We'll anonymously pay for the service for the victim's family. Alice and Jasper will dig through their personal lives, and find out what they were passionate about. We'll donate tens of thousands of dollars to an adjacent cause in their honor. But no amount of money will bring them back. No amount of money will lessen the weight that will burden your soul for the rest of eternity."

Esme lowered to her knees, down to my level. She rubbed my back until my screams faded into a low, agonized groan, then lapsed into silence. "We will still love you, Bella. After any mistake you make, you will always be in our hearts. Nothing you do will ever change that. Death comes hand-in-hand with our nature, and we always understand when death arises in the family."

She placed her hand on the grave next to her. I wasn't sure if Holly or the man was buried underneath. "All I ask is that you continue to grieve the lives you take. Never grow complacent. Never let it get easy. I want it to destroy you each time you take a life, Isabella."

I blinked, shocked to hear such harsh words from Esme's demure demeanor. She wanted me to hurt, but only because pain would be my only teacher in this non-life of mine. I could do as she asked. I nodded to say as much.

"Come on," she said, pulling me to my feet. "Let's get you home and dry."

Except, when we returned to our property, I didn't go back to the house. I crawled into my spot in the greenhouse and laid down face-first into the dirt. Not long after I laid down, I heard Esme and Edward arguing in the house. He wanted to see me, but she was certain I wanted to be alone.

"Let her grieve her own way, Edward."

I had no idea what thoughts accompanied her command, but Edward did not snap back like I expected him to. He must have taken her advice because I remained alone. Tearless sobs ripped through me again. I wasn't quiet and I didn't care. Somewhere, Edward was suffering, aching to come to my aid, but I did not wish to see him.

I finally understood the pained looks I would receive from him.

All the times he told me he was unworthy of me because he was a monster. Of course, I didn't understand. I would see his tender heart and golden eyes and tell him he was the opposite. I thought it was his dramatic self-loathing that caused his jaw to tighten or his lower lip to tremble.

But now, I understood how terrible it was to have the person you loved look at you with devotion and forgiveness you knew in your core you did not deserve.

I had killed two people.

Yet, Edward held me so gently. Defended a murderous monster. His golden gaze still regarded me with so much love.

It made me want to throw up.

Eventually, I quieted and stilled into a stunned silence. I didn't move; didn't breathe. I lay as dead as my victims.

Hours later, I heard Alice quietly scold Jasper as they walked past the greenhouse. They must not have known I was hidden inside.

"I was fine, darling," Alice hissed in a whisper, "You don't need to tear limbs off our siblings."

"She was crazed. Nothing else would have brought her back. You see that I'm right," he guessed.

"Well, when you're dead-set on something like this, I can't see anything else," she grumbled. "You upset Edward."

"The kid deserved it."

"The kid is your brother and my best friend."

"I will not have you threatened…" repeated, sounding an awful lot like Edward. I supposed that's where he got the attitude from. Eventually, Alice and I would have to commiserate our overbearing partners over a stein of blood. "…and I will be damned if…" Jasper's voice faded before I could hear the rest of his threat.

I squeezed my eyes shut, wondering how much more damage I could cause in a day. Two deaths. Three arguments among my beloved family. Becoming a vampire had gone from disorienting to disastrous with a single whiff.

It took me three days, but I was eventually able to crawl out of my hiding hole. I was sure Edward could hear me. He must have been still for just as long, waiting for me to find him. The thought hurt my dead heart.

I climbed up the side of the house to the window of our bedroom. Just as I expected, Edward was there. A patient, marble statue beside the fire. I was sure I looked a mess. My hair was frozen from my swim in the river. Every inch of exposed skin was covered in dirt. My fish sweatshirt was torn and missing a full sleeve.

Still, Edward regarded me with the eternal love and devotion I feared he would. It was difficult to crawl into his open, awaiting arms, but I managed. I hated myself for relishing the comfort of his touch. I didn't deserve such pleasures. Not anymore.

I hid my face in the crook of his neck, just so I wouldn't have to see the unrelenting love in his gaze. His hands laced through my hair; his fingers caught in the knots.

"I want to leave," I whispered. "I want you to take me away."

Edward did not argue. "Where would you like to go?"

"Far away."