Some of you are going to see this time jump and panic… don't worry. We will go back to see what happened immediately after E/B left the family. The events will be quite similar to what just transpired, and I didn't want these chapters to become repetitive. So, we're going to have a little bit of fun with flashbacks. Add some mystery. Keep you guessing. You know, reading stuff.
Also, I have to apologize right away because I have way too much fun daydreaming about BXE's mundane life as immortals, so I kind of go off on that for way too long. None of it is important later lol.
5 Years Later…
The crisp breeze ripped across the sound, blowing my hair behind. The wind faded and my hair fell gracefully back into place like it hadn't been tousled. With a deep breath I didn't need to take, I raced down the path and dove into the deep, fridged waters below. I swam the long distance to the mainland without rising to the surface for air. When my feet hit the rocky shore, I darted into the safety of the tree line.
Before I disappeared into the dark, misty wood, I turned back to our island rising powerfully from the sea. Never known for his subtlety, Edward purchased an entire island off the coast of Canada for us to inhabit while I adjusted to my new life. For a long time, I stayed on the island, too terrified to get anywhere close to civilization. Even a hundred and five-seven miles—or two-hundred fifty-three kilometers in Canada—felt too close without the ocean barrier.
In the past two years, I ventured off the island from time to time. Typically, with the goal to integrate myself into society. I would run errands in town with Edward—my grip vice-tight on his forearm as we mingled with humans. Rubbed elbows with their warm, soft bodies. Lingered in buildings swirling with artificial heat and the dangerously delicious scent of their pumping blood.
There were no incidents on any of our trips to town. Edward made sure of that.
That day, I left the island to hunt. Edward left ahead of me to take care of some business in town. On his way out, he marked a few select beasts for me to prey on. After all this time, I wasn't the best at hunting without exposed blood. Edward had his theories, created a few tests, and of course, had one major breakdown over it, but after a while, we chose to shrug our shoulders at the oddity. Now, Edward habitually left before me and nicked a few animals so I had the scent of fresh flood to follow.
I caught up to the deer with a sharp cut on its ear and took it down with a single swipe under its legs. It stumbled to the ground. I pounced and dug my teeth into its soft, supple throat. Just as Edward warned, the blood did not satisfy as human blood did. Nothing would compare to the experience of drinking human blood. Even after Edward and I tried almost every position imaginable.
I shook my head. Edward would be appalled if he knew I compared our sex life to human blood.
When I drained the creature of blood, I discarded it in the way Edward taught me: torn to shreds, stomped down to dust, and buried. I repeated the process with the three other deer Edward left for me.
I fed efficiently. Even after I completed the breathing exercises Edward created for me to calm down from the blood lust, it would still be at least another hour before Edward returned from down. The following morning, Edward and I planned to leave our secluded life together to meet up with our family and begin their newest human charade. Edward had loose ends hanging in town he needed to tie, and he needed the whole afternoon to do so.
With the extra time to kill, I decided to pay my respects one, last time.
Twelve miles down the only road I had driven on in five years, a handmade cross rose from the dry, gravely ground, protected by the evergreen branches of the thick fir tree behind it. The wreath of fake flowers adorned the top of the cross had lost its vibrancy, but still caught the attention of the few cars that passed the roadside memorial.
It was the closest thing to a proper burial I could give to my victims.
A middle-aged woman named Bernadette lay six feet under the cross. Twenty-two miles down the road, a young male backpacker named Trevor. Even further down, a couple.
Edward never came close enough to the highway during his hunts to cross my scent at any of the burial sites. He preferred to stay as far away from civilization as he could as he hunted, saying it was difficult to hunt with voices in his head. Like everyone else who drove passed, Edward assumed the people under the makeshift headstones were killed by a car accident. Not a fictional creature of the night.
Alone, on the side of the road, hair still damp from my swim and wearing Edward's old sweatshirt, I apologized to the woman whose life I had taken. Esme's words still pierced my long-dead heart.
I want it to destroy you each time you take a life, Isabella.
It did. Every day. The pain lived in me like a tapeworm, writhing and growing. Some days would pass and I would almost forget. When Edward and I were off on adventures at the bottom of the sea or on the glaciers at the top of the world. Where we would swim past a whale or make love under the midnight sun. No matter how grand the adventures, they would always come to an end. We would return home. Edward would kiss me passionately and leave me to my own devices.
It was in those silences that the guilt and shame would claw at my stomach and up my throat until I couldn't breathe. Until I needed to go back out and do and cram them back down until they were manageable again.
I should be grateful that I was human enough to feel this pain. But I was also enough of a monster to wish I could simply move on.
After I apologized to each person, I slowly made my way back to the island. There was no graceful dive from the mainland. I ran across the rocky shore at an invisible speed, leaped a long distance like a lion, and gracelessly crashed into the waves. Once on the island, I jumped out of the water straight onto the cliffside. There was a winding path from the dock to our house that was easier to take, but that day I yearned for the challenge of freestyle rock climbing, knowing I had the ability.
The deep low of a cow welcomed me to my little corner of the world. Along with our cottage, Edward built a barn and purchased livestock to keep me fed in the height of my seclusion. I didn't know how expensive it was to bring cows to an island, and I didn't ask. As far as I knew, his fresh beef business on the mainland was booming. I was sure it was because he sold it off for mind-boggling low prices. It wasn't like he needed any revenue.
At first, I never went near them, knowing their fate. After a year or so it stopped bothering me. Farmers had relationships with the barnyard animals knowing they would one day be their dinner. This was no different. Plucking a few apples from a tree, I walked into the barn. These cows were all born on the property and were used to the vampires by now. They wandered right up to me for a pat on the head or a scratch on the bum. They were delighted to eat the apple chunks I had torn with my bare hands. Out of habit, I checked to make sure they were all okay and their water through was full. With Edward watching them, it was always full.
Leaving the cows behind, I returned to the house. I showered first, not caring that the water was cold. Edward waited the eternity for the water to warm, but it never bothered me. Once dry and dressed in my typical leggings and sweater, I entered the only other room in our cabin.
Just as I requested, there was none of the standard Cullen grandiose anywhere on the island. No floor-to-ceiling glass. No white. Everything was warm, dark brown, sage green, and burnt orange. The color of Forks and the color of Pheonix. A day bed lay under a stained-glass window Edward and I made when we explored new hobbies. On the other side of the wall, a small fireplace was surrounded by built-in shelves stuffed with books on one side and records on the other. A fluffy rug, also hand-crafted by Edward and me, took up the entire floor because we got carried away.
It was small and worn and obviously built by amateurs, but our love could be seen in every nook and cranny of this cottage.
I loved it.
"Bella?" Edward's voice called from the barn. His first instinct was to check on the cows, as well.
"In here," I said, no louder than if he were in the room with me.
The door creaked open. It had creaked since the day we installed it, and neither of us fixed it. We both thought it added charm. The running joke was that farm doors were supposed to creak, and we installed it that way on purpose.
I whirled at the sound. A breeze burst through the door, carrying the strong, briny scent of the sea and the musty scent of the earth with it.
Stronger than the rest merely because I was more attuned to it, the sweet, butterscotch scent of Edward. After all this time, I hadn't gotten used to his perfection. The sharp angle of his jaw, the unusual bronze color of his tousled hair. More beautiful than his face, his honey-golden eyes. For they were windows into the soul I loved so desperately.
His smile still caused a shortness of breath. The only difference between now and high school was I no longer had a pulse to quicken.
"Edward," I exhaled.
"Hello, my love." Using two fingers, he tilted my chin up to place a delicate kiss hello on my lips. "Are you all packed?"
"Nearly," I said, though I hadn't started. "How was town?"
"Good. I believe I have everything taken care of." He handed me a single letter, addressed to me. "I closed out our P.O. box, as well."
I opened it eagerly. It could only be from one person. Along with his monthly letter, I pulled a Save-the-Date to Jacob Black's wedding from the envelope. The thick cardstock was decorated with little, white flowers and gold lettering that resembled Edward's handwriting. The was a little less than a year away. I hoped with all my heart I would finally be strong enough to attend.
In the center image, Jacob looked very much the same, but noticeably different. He wore his hair long again. He had the same bright, white smile and deep-set eyes. But in this picture, his smile was genuine, and hope sparkled in his dark eyes.
I traced over the image of Jacob's fiancé with my pinky as she smiled widely in Jacob's sunshine.
She was beautiful. And, quite noticeably, the complete opposite of me. Black skin. Honey-tinted curls. Tall, athletic build.
A ballerina, no less.
Jacob had moved on from the girl who couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time to marry a professional ballerina. I smiled. It proved that we had never belonged together. Jacob needed to go off into the human world to find Jasmine, while I stepped into the supernatural world with Edward. I thought back to the time when Jacob was confident we were destined together. The night he confessed his love.
oOo
Jacob and I spent a typical summer night in La Push. A sunset bonfire. A marshmallow-eating contest I knew I'd lose which resulted in me getting tossed into the ocean. My refusal to leave the water unless Jacob braved the waters and fetched me himself—a threat that was useless to make to a werewolf who was impervious to the chill.
Edward's mind would have exploded with worry if he knew I swam in the ocean at night. He would have convinced himself that my bad luck would summon the Loch Ness Monster or the Kraken. I doubted he would have let me near the water with a full stomach, pulling up research on stomach cramps and drowning incidents.
But Jacob had no such fears and the two of us played in the water, tossed and turned by salty waves. I was probably blue by the time we left the water. I trotted after Jacob up the trail that led to his house. Up in his room, I wrapped myself in a large towel purchased with a werewolf in mind and hogged all the warm air churning out of the space heater with a low thrum. Already dry from his own body heat, Jacob stood with his hands on his hips, looking out the window toward his garage where he could still see the motorcycles with his supernatural senses.
"So, this is really the end of the bikes, huh?" Jacob asked. His grin was wide, but I could see the sorrow in his dark, deep-set eyes. I had gotten so good at picking out the details in Edward's inscrutable emotions, reading the emotions of someone as open as Jacob was like reading a picture book.
"It is."
"Damn shame."
I squeezed my lips together, unable to agree. A lot of good things came from fixing these bikes. I would never regret a single moment spent in Jacob's garage. However, the intent behind them was never healthy.
"Your boy's not a fan of fun, huh?"
I snorted. "If Edward had his way, I would be encased in bubble wrap at all times."
"You shouldn't give up something you like because of some guy, Bella."
I bristled, a bit haughtily. I never liked it when Jacob used that tone with me. It held an air of authority that was unbecoming of him. It only came out after he became a werewolf. Like all supernatural creatures were inherently better than us mere humans and we should be honored to heed their sacred advice.
"Edward has nothing to do with this decision." Technically, he had everything to do with this decision, but not in the way Jacob meant. "I'll have you know; he was so supportive of my motorcycle, he went out and bought his own so we could ride together."
Jacob grunted, clearly displeased with that news. An awkward silence hung in the air. There had been more and more of them since Edward's return. Even without mentioning his name. I no longer had any desire to go cliff diving or roughhouse with wolves, for I knew how hard it was for Edward for me to be out of his reach. Since I was myself again, I could pick up my favorite romance novels and daydream to classical music. Jacob had no interest in my old music taste and even older books. I would watch his eyes glaze over while describing the plot of Wuthering Heights, and stop before I reached the conclusion to spare him the boredom.
It wasn't bad. Simply different.
"Can I show you something?" Jacob asked abruptly.
Pleased with a new topic in conversation, I nodded my head.
Jacob rummaged through his bedside table for a moment before he joined me on the floor, folding his legs. He switched off the space heater, which had been brought up from the garage for me. I didn't need its heat with a werewolf space heater so close, anyway.
I cupped my hands out before me, ready to inspect whatever he wanted me to see. He placed a small, burlap bag into the center of my palms.
"Very cool," I teased.
He rolled his eyes. "It's inside, Bells."
Still smiling at my own bad joke, I reached inside. I pulled out a shiny, metal chain. A bracelet. Affixed to the bracelet was a single charm: a hand-carved wolf, howling at the moon.
"I made it."
My smile dropped into flat-out disbelief. "You made this?" I pulled it closer to my face so I could appreciate my best friend's handiwork more closely. "Jacob, that's amazing!"
"Thank you." The words were quiet but said with the strength of pride.
"Who's it for?" I asked, secretly hoping this was his way of telling me there was a new lady in his life. "Rachal? Rebekah?"
He swallowed. "It's for you."
My lips pressed into a hard line.
"It's a graduation present."
Without giving the wolf another look, I lowered the bracelet back into its bag. "I don't think I can accept this, Jacob."
"Well, why not?"
I gave him a disapproving look. "You know why."
"So, you really let him control every part of your life. Even down to what you wear."
"No boyfriend would be comfortable with their girlfriend wearing jewelry from another boy. Especially when—," I stopped my sentence prematurely.
"Especially when his girlfriend is in love with that other boy?" Jacob guessed.
"What happened to only being friends?"
"You know we can't do that. You know we both need more."
My lips quivered. I didn't understand why this was happening. I dealt with the same behavior from the boys at school. When I was no longer available as a romantic conquest for Mike, Tyler, or Eric, they lost all interest. Their kindness exhibited in the first few weeks of school slowly dissipated, until it was nothing more than polite tolerance. Mike was always nice to me at work, but he never helped me or ate lunch with me unless Edward wasn't in the picture.
Why couldn't Jacob accept me as a friend? Why was he always pushing for more? I knew I wasn't the most fun or exciting person—especially without the motorcycle—but surely, I was enough to keep around without the incentive of romance. I thought Jacob could see me as a person rather than a conquest like all the other boys, but clearly, I was wrong.
He reached for my hands, but I snatched them away and hugged my chest. He continued, undeterred. "We make so much more sense together. Stop thinking about him for a second and you'll see what I see. You deserve to live the real world with me, not condemn yourself to death for him.
"I choose him and the life he can offer in his world."
"Why do you even want to be in that world!?" he bellowed, startling me.
Never once did I fear for my safety in Jacob or Edward's presence, but I did not expect to be yelled at like a child.
Jacob took my stunned silence as an invitation to keep talking. "You wouldn't have to make any sacrifices with me, Bella. You could stay with Charlie. Visit Renee whenever you want. The pack will keep you safe from anything that closes our border."
No sacrifices, I wanted to scoff. Choosing Jacob would mean I made the worst kind of sacrifice I could imagine.
"And…" Jacob struggled to swallow, like he was choking down bile, "…he can stay."
"Edward?"
"I would give him a free pass on the Res. Just for you. You wouldn't even have to sacrifice your friendship with him."
My mouth dropped before I could compose myself. Jacob regarded my shock with a smile, mistaking it for a victory. "That's right. No sacrifices. Unlike with him, where you would have to give everything up."
I pushed his hand away. "No, thank you." I had no interest in someone who wouldn't be happy with friendship. Even Edward—with all his devout, undying love for me—was willing to step to the side but remain in my life if my heart ever found another.
"You're making a mistake."
I stood and threw the towel over his head. He caught it before it landed on his face and tossed it to the floor. He grabbed both my hands and rose from the ground until he knelt on one knee.
"I love you more than he does."
I shook with anger, refusing to cry in front of Jacob. "Please, stop."
"Didn't you hear me? I love you, Bella."
My cell phone rang, rescuing me from his awful declaration. Jacob released my hands so I could scurry across the room to where it lay at the bottom of my bag. I nearly sobbed at the sound of Edward's voice, informing me that he finished up early.
"I'm ready now," I interrupted before Edward could offer to pick me up.
"Okay. I'll be there so soon. I promise."
Jacob followed me to his front door. I was ready to walk to the meeting point alone, but in true Washington fashion, it was pouring down rain though the weather had been perfectly clear moments ago.
"I'll drive you."
I heavily considered risking the rain, anyway. The only reason I nodded my head and followed Jacob to the Rabbit was I knew there was a high chance Edward would kill Jacob if he found me on the side of the road during a midnight rainstorm. Though I was frustrated with my best friend, there was no need to start a war.
I regretted my decision after I was back in the truck, safe with Edward, and found the bracelet had found its way into my pocket.
oOo
"That could be you, you know." Edward's voice startled me—I had forgotten he was behind me.
I whirled and saw his eyes were locked on my thumb, mournfully stroking Jacob's grinning face. I dropped the invitation. It drifted unsatisfyingly to the floor without making a sound. "Edward! You are the only person I have ever wanted, and the only person I would ever want. I could have never chosen Jacob."
He pursed his lips. "I meant getting married."
I sucked in my cheeks. I was unable to give a good response to rectify the embarrassing misunderstanding. It was no secret that Edward yearned for my hand in marriage. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to offer it. Not because of anything Edward did. Since my change, he never pushed. He learned his lesson of playing my hand for me the hard way. No decision was made without my consent. The phrase "I know best" had not been uttered once on our little island.
The one thing that kept me from giving myself to Edward for all of eternity was I did not want him to have to take all of me. Vampirism forced burdens onto my heart I did not want Edward to bear.
"Not yet," I whispered. "I'm not ready."
His jaw clenched as he bit back whatever immediate response he had. He nodded once—tense, curt. Before he turned to leave his eyes flickered to Jacob's invitation once more. I curled my fingers to resist the urge to retrieve it and hide it. Edward ghosted once more, presumably to take care of whatever else needed to be done before our departure.
My lips burned without his kiss goodbye—as if his cool lips kept a persistent flame at bay. I buried my hands in my hair, guilt gnawing at my silent heart. I wished I could give Edward what he wanted. After everything else he's done for me, he deserved the single thing he asked. I loved him too much to let him take less than perfection.
The sun had sunk low on the ocean's edge, tinting the deep waters a startling shade of red when Edward returned to the cottage. I had my clothes packed—a few pairs of jeans, some leggings. We mostly shared sweaters and flannels and Edward had those stacked neatly in his duffle days ago.
His arm wrapped around my waist from behind, all the hard feelings from earlier gone. "I thought of you while I was in town, today."
"I think of you every moment of every day."
His lips stretched into a smile against my skin before he pressed a gentle kiss on my neck.
"This was a specific thought," he clarified. "There was a vendor attempting to convince the general store to stock and sell his product."
Edward brought me to the general store several times while we lived on the island. It was stuffed to the brim with essentials and groceries, but also had the strangest assortment of hand-made items from the locals. I turned towards Edward's outstretched hand, wondering what tea towel or trivet would make him think of me.
I laughed. "What on Earth?"
Edward joined in with my outburst of incredulous laughter. "He had all sorts of drug-related pins." He transferred the enamel pin of a little baggie labeled Heroin into my hand. "Now you have your own personal brand of heroin."
I rubbed my thumb over the fake gold plating. "Is this even legal?"
Edward snorted and shrugged his shoulders. "According to his pitch, his friend has a very successful business in Colorado with marijuana pins just like this. He thought he could expand the business by bringing in other drugs."
I shook my head, "He's not going to make any money."
"I'm afraid not. Not even from his first customer. Because if your no spending rule, I traded for it with a single hamburger patty."
I laughed again. "He accepted a slab of raw beef?"
Edward nodded, "Quite eagerly, too."
"He doesn't seem like a bright man."
"A single candle among roaring fires."
Though it was a gift for me, I affixed the pin onto the collar of Edward's shirt. I straightened both sides of the collar then dragged both my palms down his pecks.
"I thought it would be a nice keepsake for our time here."
"Thank you." I kissed his jaw. "I love it."
"I love you."
"I'm going to miss our island," I murmured, mournfully. "And our cows."
"I know," he agreed. "I loved our private little world. And our cows." I sighed longingly as Edward drew me into his arms. "The island will always belong to us, so we can return whenever we wish. But for the sake of the cows, we cannot leave them unattended. They'll be off to their new home tomorrow."
"So will we." I nuzzled my face into his chest.
"Yes. Asheville, North Carolina."
"Are you excited to live with your family again?"
"I am." While living on the island, Edward and I only saw his family twice a year: at Christmas and on a summer trip. According to Edward, they lived on their own several times before Forks and it was in no way a rarity for them to spend this much time apart. "Are you excited to play human?"
"No," I admitted honestly. "I'm so nervous."
"Don't be. I will always be there to help, even though you don't need it. After all, you've only slipped one time since Alaska."
Just to clear up any confusion. Yes, that means Bella is lying to Edward.
Also, Bleeding Hearts has been nominated for Best Fic completed in November. If you liked my story, or like me, or just have five extra seconds to kill, jump over to twifanfictionrecs and vote for me!