All characters from Divergent belong to Veronica Roth as well as all characters from Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing except my version of events.

Chapter 10 Fear

"Bella."

I turned at the call of my name, forcing my body to move and fighting with myself not to show my worry over who I was about to be locked in a room alone with. I was hoping I would get Tobias for my first day of phase two… even Lauren would have been fine. But instead I got Eric, luck was apparently not on my side today. Just hearing him calling my name in that deep dark husky voice had my body not only waking up from its stupor but reinvigorated with a need only he could instill in me.

Fight it, Bella, fight it!

I refused to make eye contact and pretended to be unaffected by the proximity of his presence as I slid as quickly as I could into the sliver of space he had left between the doorframe and his body. Loathing the fact that even as I hadn't made physical contact with him I could still feel his warmth radiating off of his body and finding its way into my own. What the hell was wrong with me?

I internally gathered my pride and prayed that would be enough to fight my instincts. I may want him almost desperately at this point but that didn't mean I would so easily give in. For once I was thankful my stubborness was winning over my more dangerous human needs.

"Take a seat." He ordered, motioning to the chair beside the medical table with a syringe on top that held the serum that would take me to another world inside my mind.

I followed his order, no matter how much my mind refused the notion of sitting on a chair in such a vulnerable state with a man I couldn't trust. He watched me the entire way, his eyes taking an unnecessarily long trail along my body. And because of my still healing tattoo I wasn't wearing a bra and I could tell by the heat in his eyes he'd taken notice of that too.

Why couldn't this guy just give up already?!

But even as I thought about it I knew I was only lying to myself yet again. Wanting not only his eyes to follow the form of my body but his hands, his lips… his tongue…

Fuck! Shut up Bella!

"I'm going to inject you with a serum that stimulates the part of your brain that processes fear. It induces hallucinations and then transmitters in the serum allow me to see the images in your mind. Every session you will be facing one fear at a time." He said trailing off. I chose not to answer, just nodding in acceptance as he turned to make sure I'd heard his little speech. "Nothing witty to add?" He asked with an arched brow.

"Nope, all good."

"In control today?" He asked playfully. I rolled my eyes, donning a look of annoyance on my face hoping that would encourage him to move it along. A smile played at his lips as he continued, "You'll be facing your worst fears. Most people have ten to fifteen really bad ones. You have to calm yourself. Slow your heart rate and your breathing, and deal with what's in front of you."

I simply nodded, having nothing else to say as he loaded the needle with the serum.

Turning to me then he dropped one of his hands onto my knee trailing the tips of his fingers up my thigh, but I slapped his hand away before he got to the one place I needed his touch the most. "You know this is considered sexual harassment?" I said in annoyance.

He deliberately smiled wide as he answered. "Don't lie to yourself, Bella." He said lowly, leaning forward and trapping my head in between his hands on each side of the head rest. "You crave my touch just as much as I crave to touch you." He whispered, his cool breath hitting me in the face and making me want to lick my lips to capture it. "But maybe some other day." He said smartly. No sooner had he finished speaking that I felt the syringe pierce the delicate skin on my neck.

I flinched slightly but resisted the urge to move away knowing I'd only hurt myself. "Dick." I exhaled in drowsy aggravation. Before my world slowly drifted away following his equally dark chuckle and a pair of luscious full lips pulled into a wide smile the last thing my eyes had the privilege to see.

An eerie feeling washed over me, knowing something horrible was about to happen. Darkness surrounded me, overpowering me and muting my senses. I wanted to escape so desperately the thought of forcing myself awake from the serum slipped into my mind. Though I wasn't even sure if I was even capable of doing that... but I was desperate enough to try.

A low whimper echoed from the darkness, bringing me out of my own fear and into a whole different one. One that made me want to run into the darkness instead of away from it.

"No…" my voice echoed into nothing. My body waking up to move forward, closer to where I'd heard his heartbreaking cry. Every step I took only got me an inch closer at a time, my legs having a hard time moving forward into the abyss. As if the darkness suddenly had a thick form, heavier than water. But I pushed on navigating myself further into blackness.

Nothing would ever keep me away from him. I wouldn't let it.

I fought against the heavy feeling for so long I thought I would never reach him. My legs starting to feel like they would break off from the struggle, my arms not faring any better as I tried to push it away from me. But it was the only thing I could do.

And it wasn't enough.

No matter how hard I pushed on, how much I struggled to just take one step at a time it didn't seem to make a difference. I could hear a low whimper, so far ahead of me it was only echoes in the dark. The powerlessness I felt was more than I could bear. I'd promised myself I would never let it happen again, that I would never let anyone hurt him again. But here I was failing him again. Transforming into that same little girl that had taken five full days to worry about her brother before deciding to take action.

But that wasn't me anymore, I was different now. I was a fighter, I was strong, and I was determined. And so I didn't waver, I might feel devastatingly helpless but there was no way I would stop fighting. Ever.

Suddenly a dim light appeared far in the distance. It was only a speck, so small I first thought I was imagining it. But I wasn't… I couldn't be. It was the only thing contrasting against the darkness I was currently in.

Finally feeling a glimmer of hope I pushed on harder than I ever thought I could. The closer I got to the light, the easier it became to move until it progressively gave way into a light dark mist, releasing me from its physical hold. Now that I was able to run freely towards his whimpers I ran as fast as I could, pushing my own fear away from me with him only in mind.

I needed to get to him.

His cries became louder until they sounded as if they were now directly in front me. Only a hair's breadth away. I ran into the light so fast I didn't have enough time to stop before my legs hit something hard and my knees buckled under me, falling back onto my ass and hitting the floor so hard it literally rattled my teeth. I shook off the pain, blinking back and trying to readjust my eyes to the light above me. I looked around me in confusion finding plain white walls, a plain wood night stand, and a plain wooden bed frame with plain beige bed covers. I was in Abnegation again… except this wasn't my bedroom, it was Tobias'. I froze in terror. A painful whimper sounded from underneath the bed and I watched in horror as a trembling little hand reached out for me. Recognizing the caked blood and bruising tainting his fragile skin.

"Bell." He whimpered in pain and fear, calling for me as if I were his only salvation.

Desperately getting onto my hands and knees, I crawled forward until I could reach his tiny hand. But before our skin had a chance to touch, his hand was savagely pulled away from me, the tiny hand fading back into the darkness where it had once come from. A piercing scream left my throat as I threw myself after him and into the unknown...

I was blinded by a bright light, my breath coming in hard pants desperately trying to breathe life back into my lungs. A low whimper left my throat before I instinctively found the strength to push it back down. Tamping down the emotion to the base of my throat.

Warm strong hands engulfed me into an embrace. Not being able to resist his scent I allowed him to pull me into his hard chest, my body automatically curling into a tight ball and my nails digging hard into his skin through his t-shirt. He grunted in slight pain at the viciousness of my hold but didn't once protest or let me go. The soothing shush from his low tone the only thing keeping me here on earth and not desperately trying to go back into the darkness to follow after the tiny hand once again.

"It's ok. I'm right here, baby." He soothed, continuing to hold me in a tight comforting embrace. I could feel his thumbs caressing my back through the material of my shirt, slightly contrasting against the tight grip the rest of his hands had as they curved over my ribs. Almost holding onto me just as desperately as I was holding onto him.

I dug my face into his neck, rubbing my face against his skin as I desperately hung on to my sanity. Repeating over and over in my mind that Tobias was ok. He wasn't trapped in the darkness under his bed. He wasn't trapped in the blackness of his father's house. He wasn't being hurt or tortured in any way. Tobias was fine and sitting safely in the room next door as he administered another fear serum into another initiate.

I don't know for how long I sat in his lap, engulfed in his arms and listening to his soothing reassurances until my body slowly started to release the tension. I didn't release him or made a move to want to. He didn't let go either. Even after he sensed I was now calm he didn't make a move to release me but I knew we would have to eventually or else people would grow suspicious of how long we had been alone in this room... though I was unaware of how long I'd even been trapped in the serum for.

I began to pull away. Feeling his body tense for a split second before allowing me to move away from him, but not very far. He kept me on his lap and in his arms but allowed me to move my head away from his neck to capture me in his worried gaze.

"Better?" He asked simply. I could tell he wanted to say more but his jaw tensed as he forcefully stopped himself from liberating words that were now trapped on his tongue.

I nodded, releasing a shuddering breath and closing my eyes to call forth my unwavering strength once again.

He surprised me when one of his hands slid up to my face, pulling my forehead to lay against his quietly as his thumb caressed my cheek tenderly. I opened my eyes finding his own closed. His face no longer held the worry he'd had when I was finally fully back from the serum, but what surprised me more was that his face was now also devoid of that continuous anger and annoyance it always seemed to be etched in. He was quiet, breathing slowly with a supremely serene expression on his face. Feeling my gaze he slowly opened his eyes, connecting to mine with an intensity I had never experienced before. It wasn't hungry with sexual desire like it usually was. Instead it was calm and searching, as if he were reading my soul through my eyes like a page on a book.

My hand instinctively tightened on his shoulder and a small little smile graced his lips before he leaned forward and gently pressed them against mine.

I froze at the tender action, my breath stilling inside my chest. For a split second I had this sudden overwhelming urge to stay like this forever...

and just as quickly I was terrified again.

I made to pull away but his strong arms refused to release me. "Open up for me, baby." He whispered against my lips, almost begging me as his own lips forced mine to open. A cold shiver ran down my spine at his words, feeling like he'd meant so much more than just a physical request. But my mind refused to search any deeper. Instead I did as he asked, letting his tongue tenderly dip into my mouth caressing my own in a slow languid kiss.

It was tender… too tender for my liking and I pushed forward letting my always simmering desire for him finally reach the surface.

His breath hitched in his throat and he released a low groan as I straddled his lap on the chair. Breaking the control I had on my body to search for what I wanted. My hands dipped down to pull his shirt over his head. He pulled away just enough to get rid of his shirt but immediately pulled my mouth back to his. His kiss scorching my lips and tongue. His hands on my body burning the rest of me alive.

I couldn't resist and my hands slid down his arms, taking great pleasure out of his muscles contracting at my touch. I glided my hands forward, onto his chest and greedily savored the feel of his body and skin. He groaned at my touch, a shiver visibly overtaking him as my fingers continued their trail down his perfectly sculpted chest. My hands continued to go lower until I reached the waistband of his black jeans. I wanted it all and I wanted it fast. But I had barely gotten the chance to unbutton his fly before his large hands grasped onto my wrists and pulled the away. I made to protest but he roughly pushed them behind me, forcing them together behind my back and trapping them in one of his large hands. Within the next second he had pulled one side of my tank top down and captured my nipple into his mouth.

I gasped in a pleasurable surprise. This was the first time his tongue had invaded the skin underneath my clothes. It was warm and slick as it licked around my nipple, instantly making it pucker in his mouth. He moaned deep in his throat, his free hand gliding up my stomach and over my tank top, he squeezed my right breast tightly before continuing its trail up and over my shoulder to slide my strap down to expose my other breast. I shivered at the action, waiting in anxious anticipation for his mouth to take over it just like it had to the other. But instead his rough hand massaged my breast as his mouth remained pleasuring the other, delicious little moans lowly slipping out of his throat at every chance. Meanwhile I was desperately hanging on to my own control, or what was left of it at least, trying with all my might to keep my mewling to a minimum.

Not happy with that he began to pull away with my nipple still in his mouth, I looked down catching his eyes riveted on my expression as he let go with a pop. I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying out but he still looked extremely pleased at my reaction. In retaliation I dipped low to grind my slit against the seam of his jeans and he released a gruff sound, closing his eyes in pleasure. I smirked this time but it quickly disappeared as the hand that had been previously pleasuring my breast dipped low to slide under the front of my leggings. A second later his fingers glided smoothly in between my folds. My head instantly falling back to face the ceiling and my eyes rolling to the back of my head.

"So wet." Eric groaned so loudly at my wetness that he dropped his forehead against my collarbone, releasing hard puffs of air through his lips that glided down to my nipples in the most tantalizing way. His chest heaved in excitement, just as roughly as mine was. His tongue ran along my skin once again until he reached my nipple but only pecked it gently before going to my other one that was now feeling neglected without a single touch being placed on it.

I dug my nails into the palms of my hands, my body riding his hand aggressively, desperate to chase after the already burning intensity at the pit of my stomach. Our breaths filled the silence in the room, joining the sounds of his fingers rubbing against my wetness and producing more and more with each pass.

Being confined by the hands added to the excitement whirling inside of me, but when he dipped two of his thick fingers inside my opening I lost everything. I lost sight of who I was, or of the consequences that would follow after having experienced this with him. I knew I would only want more. I would crave his fierce touches and unmovable determination to make me lose my mind.

His fingers pumped savagely into me and I could feel the beginning flutters of my orgasm. Eric felt it too when I captured his fingers in a vice grip. He groaned deep in his throat, lifting his head up to watch me break. "Come on my fingers, baby. Show me just how good I can make you feel." He whispered breathlessly, curling his finger against just the right spot and forcing my orgasm to barrel through me and take over my body. My mouth opened to scream my release but he captured my mouth with his, swallowing my euphoria and combining it with his own.

My orgasm felt like it lasted for ages. Somewhere along the way he released my lips only to lean his temple against mine and I could feel his harsh breaths against my left ear. I was sure he could feel my own breath against his too when he involuntarily shivered, feeling my insides squeeze his fingers sporadically as he more gently pumped them into me. I enjoyed every second of it, knowing that after this I needed to let him go. This wouldn't end well for me and I knew it. If we continued this it would only be more trouble for me and I couldn't afford the distraction either. I had to put my wants to the back burner in order to keep Tobias and Tris safe. He loved her, and though I was mad at him and did not approve, I knew I would do what I would always do when it came to him. Meanwhile I knew with a stark clarity that Eric was not for me. He would undoubtedly be a good lay, but he wasn't worth risking everything for.

I was still spasming as I continued to move my hips onto his hand until I released a harsh breath, releasing the last bit of tension from my body and finally stilling on top of him. He pulled away, his eyes taking in my expression. My now flushed cheeks, the light sheen of sweat on my skin and the undoubtedly dreamy look in my eyes.

"Beautiful" He whispered before he pulled his hand out of my leggings. But I groaned again watching him slide his coated fingers into his mouth. He closed his eyes with a loud groan and a look on his face I wanted to remember for all of eternity. I bit my lip again, my eyelids drooping at the erotic sight before me and I couldn't pull away even though I knew I should as he swiped his thumb over my still exposed breasts and coating my nipples with my own essence. Bending forward he greedily sucked on one, starting a slow trail to the next one before releasing it with a pop and finally rubbing his face onto my chest. The action had made me want to giggle but I refrained from doing so, feeling the need to prevent this moment from getting any more intimate than it already was. He released my hands from his grasp and grabbed me from my ribs to pull me off of him to stand on my own two feet again.

"Wish we could stay like this forever but you have to go." He said, sounding incredibly regretful.

My brain was belatedly trying to catch up with what the hell had just happened that I stood dumbly just watching him reach behind him to pull his shirt over his head. I could see red crescents on his sides where I had dug my nails into his skin while I was desperately trying to recover my sanity back after waking up from my fear landscape. I frowned at the sight but quickly pushed the feeling away, returning back to what was currently happening and readjusting my top to its rightful place before he took a glance at me again.

"How did I do?" I finally asked to distract my mind from what we had just done, and remembering how I'd ended up alone with Eric in the first place. I was sure I'd done terrible, I had been so panicked during the simulation I hadn't been able to focus enough to modify it. Which was a good thing. I was also incredibly lucky that my fear had presented itself in the dark and Tobias hadn't appeared completely.

He looked surprised at my question before I rolled my eyes and pointed to the screen where he had previously seen my hallucinations. "Oh," he blinked back, completely caught off guard. I snorted at the first sign of idiocy he'd ever displayed, feeling responsible and proud over the fact. He cleared his throat before looking over to the monitor, a frown taking over his face when he looked back at me. "Just under seven minutes."

It was my turn to blink back at him in surprise. "Holy shit."

"Holy shit is right." He agreed without dissipating the worry in his expression. "You're going to need to be careful, Bella. People will be gunning for you now more than ever, a typical time on the first fear is about 15 to 20 minutes, your timing will shoot you up to first place. There will be more than a few of them that will be threatened by your success." He warned.

I couldn't help but to release my following response no matter how hard I tried. "Yeah well maybe they wouldn't feel so threatened if you hadn't made Dauntless initiation so cut-throat this year." I said sardonically, turning away from him and heading for the door.

It took him the span of two long strides to catch up to me and grab me by the arm to turn me to face him again. "Maybe, but it's too late to do anything about that now." He said almost angrily, his jaw tensing at the turn of events. "Peter and James. Watch them." He said shortly, his eyes shifting worriedly between my own and cementing the warning into my brain.

Having nothing left to say I simply nodded and made to pull away again but he roughly pulled me into his arms instead, kissing me fiercely as if fearing this would be our last. And it would be. I can't be doing this, I had already gone too far and I should have stopped this little thing we'd been doing a long time ago… Before it got this messy. His hands greedily kneaded my body, one of his hands slipping down past my waist and squeezing my cheek tightly before it slid to the side and I suddenly felt his hand dip into my pocket to deposit something inside.

He grabbed my hands to prevent me from digging in after it and pulled away from me. "Come find me." He whispered into my lips before releasing me altogether and opening the door for me.

I robotically walked out of the room and headed straight for the dorms and into the first available shower I found. Wanting to get rid of the mess he'd made in my pants and to clean the layers of sweat the serum and Eric had formed on my skin. I was thankful I hadn't run into any of my friends as I made it back, releasing a relieved but confused sigh as I cleansed my skin.

Eric was just so confusing. Some days he was growling at me in anger, then savagely taking over my body and practically commanding orgasms out of me. Other days he was touching me so tenderly as if I were the only important thing in his world and begging me to orgasm as if his life depended on it. It was all just so crazy and incredibly stupid on my part and I felt like a giant hypocrite.

I had been angry with Tobias. Making him feel guilty over risking our positions here in Dauntless while he'd been right all along. I was doing the same thing. It might not be emotionally involved as Tris and his relationship was but that didn't mean that my sexual desires towards Eric wouldn't get me into trouble too. My merit as an initiate would come into question, not to mention that my now impressive score would already pose a danger for me too.

Dammit!

I pushed Eric out of my mind, trying to focus on something else but the something else hadn't been any better. I was still shaken over my fear. Every time I closed my eyes the image of Tobias' hand reappeared, making me feel unbearably cold. I could still hear the haunting echoes of his pain, the same terrifying whimper that I had heard in real life once before years and years ago. But no matter how long ago it had been, the same fear and pain I had felt on that frightful day continued to haunt me till this day... So much so that it had manifested itself into my worst fear.

I kept my eyes open for the rest of my shower, doing everything quickly and hoping one of my friends would be there to distract my mind with their own fear. It would be a thousand times better to relive someone else's instead of my own.

Finishing my shower I dried my body quickly before getting dressed in a pair of clean clothes. I picked up my dirty clothes and a crinkling sound caught my attention, remembering that Eric had slipped something into my pocket before leaving. I dropped all of my clothes except for my pants and reached into the pockets. My hand grasping onto a small sheet of paper and pulling it out, opening it only to look down at it in confusion.

6, 618, 809472 were scrawled onto the paper. I rolled my eyes. What the fuck did that mean? Why couldn't he just tell me what the fuck those numbers meant before I walked out of the door? I growled in annoyance, peeved with his need to be so mysterious with his communication. All he'd said before I left was 'Come find me' as if that would magically give me the ans–

... Wait a minute…

I humorlessly laughed at his audacity. Only he would leave me with the necessary information I would need to continue on with this little game we had going on in a more private setting. It was the information I would need to reach his apartment. He was on the 6th floor, apartment number 618, and the code to gain access was 809472.

Without thinking more about the implication of said information I balled it up into trash, picking up my clothes again before walking over to the nearest trash can.

Fuck, that guy. I still had Jared and I shouldn't be entertaining including another man into my sex life. Jared was more than enough… right?

But even as I asked myself that question the answer was already burning in my hand. Fuck! I couldn't get him out of my head. His touches, his kisses, the way he moved me at his will. I could already feel my sex dripping again at just the thought of him.

Maybe if I turned to Jared tonight I could dampen the fire Eric had ignited inside of me, but I knew that wouldn't be the case. He might temper it for a minute or two but as soon as my mind drifted back to Eric or when my eyes inevitably caught sight of him again, I knew it would only make this fire inside of me roar back to life again. I just couldn't help it. Edward and Jared were nothing compared to him, not even combined. I had to teach them what I liked and how to touch me. They had put in the effort to make me feel good but I could still sense the hesitation in their touches, worried that I wouldn't like what they were doing. Eric on the other hand was in a league of his own. His touches were firm and confident, not an ounce of doubt or hesitation in sight. He touched me like he'd been touching me all his life, like he knew my body inside and out, knew what I needed to get me to reach heaven every time. He hadn't even penetrated me and already the orgasms he had given me trumped all the others I had experienced before. I was in deep.

Throw that fucking paper away, Bella! My mind desperately screamed.

Aggravated and in denial I lifted my fist up to drop the paper into the trash bin, trying to listen to what must be my common sense. I opened my hand over the trash but instead of falling out of my hand like it should have, it only stuck to my skin… just like his hands did whenever he had the opportunity...

I whined. Dropping my head back and closing my eyes in defeat before closing my hand over the crumpled piece of paper and placing it into my pocket again wishing I were stronger than this.