All characters from Divergent belong to Veronica Roth as well as all characters from Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing except my version of events.

Chapter 19 Compromise

I was already halfway through the third week of my new job and I felt extremely proud and accomplished. My days were filled with long working days, sometimes including weekends when they needed me, but I loved it more than anything. Though I had to admit I was pretty tired and therefore a bit distracted when not on working hours. So much so that I hadn't recognized the owner of the long blonde hair that had appeared so suddenly until she was standing right in front of me.

I stopped abruptly, remaining quiet as I waited for her to speak. From past experience I'd learned that sometimes Tris needed a moment before speaking her thoughts, especially around me. I didn't intimidate her as much as I used to and for the most part we got along pretty well but of course I wasn't the easiest person to talk to.

"Can we talk, Bella?" She finally asked.

I nodded silently and tilted my head sideways, signaling for her to follow me as we entered the closest empty room I could find. We both remained silent for a long moment which was when I suddenly realized I was locked in a room with only Tris to talk to, and to be honest, it felt weird. We had some things in common but not many, Tobias being the major factor to our more friendly interactions. But I didn't dread talking to Tris like I used to. Well except for now, though that was only because I knew what she would want to talk to me about and I wasn't looking forward to discussing that particular subject, at least not yet.

She looked hesitant to speak, worrying her bottom lip in between her teeth. I was sure I wasn't making the situation any better by remaining still and expressionless.

"I... I wanted to apologize."

My eyebrows lowered in confusion. I hadn't expected for her to start with that, "For what?"

She looked me in the eyes before continuing, looking both guilty and regretful. "It's my fault you and Tobias are fighting."

"Is that what he told you?"

"No." She answered quickly, looking down in sadness. "He hasn't said much, if anything about it. Just that he's disappointed you. But I know it's more than that... I know you… fought because of me."

I had to admit, I was kind of confused. I just thought she had heard our fight in the training room just like Eric had, but I guess she hadn't gotten there until after. Probably around the time Eric punched Tobias. Just thinking his name sent a longing ache in my heart. "You don't have anything to apologize for. This is between him and I." I corrected. She inadvertently had been the cause but it hadn't been her fault. She'd done nothing but fall in love with my best friend.

"I know that's not true, Bella. He's been... different since it happened."

I frowned deeply this time, always worried about his happiness, I just couldn't help it. "What do you mean?"

"He refuses to talk to me. He barely even makes eye contact and every time I approach him he just says he needs time and walks away from me."

I cursed under my breath, closing my eyes and rubbing my thumb and middle finger against the sockets. This is not at all what I had expected... or wanted. "I think I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry our fight got in the way of your relationship. I didn't mean for it to." I admitted. What the hell was Tobias doing?! If he thought pushing her away would make me happy, then he was a complete and utter idiot. I lowered my hand to finally look at her and found her looking openly shocked, with a hint of confusion. I guess she never considered the idea of me apologizing to her. Honestly, I never thought I would either... but here we were. Life took some crazy turns, didn't it?

"I'm not really sure what to say now." She admitted.

"Me either."

We both looked at each other for a moment and then suddenly burst into laughter. It was awkward, mixed in with an emotionally charged conversation. It was weird and uncomfortable, but somehow, that managed to lessen my pain to some degree. I hated that this was happening right now. Not that we were laughing but that in this fucked up situation, no one knew what the right thing to do was.

"I'll talk to him. Just give him time... and me too. But I promise I'll fix everything... eventually." I tried to reassure her as best as I could. I knew we'd fix things eventually but the time frame was still up in the air. I had no idea how the fuck I was supposed to do that but I was gonna make it happen one way or another.

She nodded and turned to leave, but she hesitated before opening the door. "You know I consider you my friend too. Right, Bella?" She asked, turning to look at me. "At first I wanted you to like me because I knew how important you were to him, incredibly so. And I have to admit a part of me wanted to be jealous about it too. But when I really thought about it, I came to the conclusion that if it weren't for you, Tobias might not be here with us today. There's nothing I could ever do or say to show you how thankful I am that at six years old you were already the strong bitch that you are now. You became his rock when he needed one the most. I can never replace you, you know. I'm the girlfriend and I know he loves me… but you mean something else to him entirely. Like you're two sides of the same coin but one nonetheless. I would never want you out of his life... and I would never want you out of mine either." She finished.

That was a nice sentiment, and I think one I shared too. I think Eric was making me soft... who would've thought? I chuckled internally before nodding at her.

At my acknowledgement she nodded back and opened the door to leave me alone once again.

This shit was so complicated.

I knew I had to talk to him, but I had no idea of what to say when I did. Of how to make it any better, of how to fix the problem to lessen our pain. Could I forgive him?... Did I have anything to forgive him for? It was kind of confusing. He shouldn't have to apologize for falling in love. I didn't want him to, not for that. And so what else was left to ask for or to want from him? That he had sold me out? Betrayed me? He hadn't really, he'd never asked for me to do what I did... Though I knew he wanted me to. Still, it wasn't the same thing.

And so I tried to put myself in his shoes. Trying to get into his mindset to figure out if I would've done the same thing to save Eric, but I found it almost impossible to do, not when Eric was the strong force that he was. He was the strongest person I'd ever met, unapologetically himself, uniquely fearless. He would've fought his way through anything no matter the circumstance. So it was harder for me to put Eric in the same situation as Tris had been when I could never picture him ever being helpless. Not when instead of being weak, he had been the one to put me back together when I had felt the most broken and defeated.

And then if I dug deeper, I had to wonder whether my fall from grace had given me the right opportunity to open my eyes and not only see Eric but to aceept him for who he was. I cared about him, more than I ever thought I could. I wasn't where he was yet but I thought that maybe one day I could be, and if it felt much more than what I already felt, I was sure that alone would be enough to cloud my judgment.

Wasn't I the same person who would do anything for my parents and Tobias? Wouldn't I, one day, do anything for Eric too?

And therefore, shouldn't I be able to get somewhat of a glimpse of the desperation Tobias had felt at the idea of losing Tris forever?

I think I could... and it wasn't a fun feeling.

It's why I had subconsciously fought against it, fought against him. I knew how vulnerable it would leave me to let Eric in, and I had been terrified. Still kind of was. In the past, I had been content with getting my physical needs met and nothing more. But things were much different now.

I have to go talk to Tobias.

I figured once I saw him with my own eyes maybe I would finally find the right words to say to him, and then maybe we could both start to heal in some way. I pushed off the wall I had unconsciously been leaning against and exited through the same door Tris had some time ago. I just needed to get to him. I needed to start somewhere.

I used the elevator up to the apartments and pressed the button to the fourth floor. Thankfully the elevator had been empty and so I had not been forced into polite conversations. It was something I hated to do but learned was necessary in order to build a rapport with the members I would one day lead, though I hated when people felt the compulsion to fill the empty space with idle chatter. In my opinion, it was completely unnecessary. I marched out of the elevator and down the hall, straight toward his front door. Now that I was a member and lived in this building I didn't have to sneak around anymore, which was nice.

I stood in front of his door and lifted my hand to knock, but I hesitated just a centimeter away. It didn't feel right. So instead, I input the code and welcomed myself in.

As soon as I did there was a loud gasp and I found myself instantly caught in the eyes of the person I'd often communicated silently with since before I knew how to use verbal words to communicate.

He was sitting on his couch, really with nothing in his hands, not even a book. I idly wondered what the hell he had been doing before I'd come in.

"Hey." I started.

He still looked gob smacked but he closed his mouth and took a hard swallow. I could see his Adam's apple bob with the effort. "Hey." He said simply.

Okay, so maybe thinking I'd find the right words to say at the sight of his face had been a bit naive, but I was here now and there was no going back.

Feeling like there was nothing left to lose, I moved forward, taking a seat on the couch next to him and leaving a gap in between us, one that neither one of us had created before. Then again we had never fought over something this big before so I should just be grateful we were currently in the same room right now. I sat looking forward. I could feel his heated stare on the side of my face but I didn't want to talk yet. I just needed to be near him. This was the first time we had been in each other's presence in what felt like forever. With that thought in mind I reached over, taking a hold of his hand without even turning to look at him. I leaned my back against the couch and slid down a little, reclining enough to shift my gaze up to the ceiling. I felt him do the same and when he settled beside me he squeezed my hand tightly in response.

We didn't say a word for a long time but after a while I could feel him moving, his barely audible sniffles filling the quiet room. From the corner of my eye I could see him wiping his tears with his other hand. I tightened my grasp in his in comfort, intertwining our fingers to reassure him of our bond in some way. I might not have anything productive to say yet, but I wanted him to know that I was still here with him. Willing to fix things.

He tightened his hold on mine but remained as silent as I.

After some time, when I felt like it had been enough, I released his hand and got up to go. He didn't say a word and neither did I, that is until I got to the door. I hesitated then, turning to look at him and noticing his puffy red eyes and the sadness coating his demeanor. He remained in the same position we'd been in, quietly watching me.

"Same time tomorrow?" I asked.

He sat up like a spring, I could see the flash of hope in his eyes and then he nodded effusively. "Absolutely."

I nodded and opened the door but before completely exiting his apartment I turned back to look at him. "Don't push her away. " I advised. His eyes widened but he didn't utter a single word, he knew exactly who I was referring to. "Not for me." I informed him quietly.

He lowered his head and looked away, but when he didn't say anything I took that as my que to leave. I'd done what I'd initially come here for… sorta… it was better than nothing.

I entered the empty elevator again and leaned my back against the empty cab, closing my eyes and releasing an exhausted breath. It hadn't been much, but it had been a start.

The elevator dinged and I pushed off the wall and out towards my apartment. I put in the code and walked in, feeling better now that I was in my own safe space. I kicked my shoes off at the entrance and walked on my sock-covered feet into my bedroom, not at all surprised to find Eric laying on my bed already, chest bare and most likely naked underneath my thin blanket.

"Hey, work ran late?"

"Not really." I said, walking towards the bed and taking my socks and pants off, leaving my jumper on before climbing into bed and into his arms. I snuggled into his naked body, feeling his arm automatically wrapping around my shoulders to pull me in closer.

He placed a kiss at the top of my head tenderly, making me smile in response. "Everything ok?"

"It's getting there." I said, tracing invisible shapes on his bare chest. "I, uh, stopped by Tobias' apartment."

"Really?" He asked, sounding... hopeful? I idly wondered what that was about.

"Yeah."

"You talked it out?"

"No."

The hand that had been absentmindedly playing with my hair, stopped. "No?" He asked in confusion.

"No."

"I'm confused."

I knew he would be, I leaned up on my elbow to look down at him. "I'm working up to that." I said vaguely.

He still looked confused but let it go, sensing I didn't want to say more.

"How was your day?" I asked instead to move away from that topic.

"Boring. I didn't get to work with you." He complained, pouting a little.

I giggled lightly, "You see me during your free time and you still want to see me at work too?" I questioned.

"Nothing would be better."

"I think you're obsessed with me." I playfully teased.

"Maybe a little." He admitted, not looking at all apologetic for it.

I smiled, lifting myself a little higher to snuggle into his side again, but this time to push my face into his neck leaving a demure kiss. I lifted my knee to lay it on top of his hip, I felt his hand move from around my shoulders, going lower to lightly graze his fingertips over my hip and then tracing them down along the seam of my panties and then back again. It was casual enough not to make me damp. It felt more like a loving intimate touch, it was nice.

We remained silent for some time, neither one of us bothering to speak. It's one of the things I've come to learn about Eric, he enjoyed the silence just as much as I did. One of the many things I found we had in common. This peaceful silence with Eric touching me and not using words to let me know I had his attention I savored the most.

I slipped my fingers up the middle of his chest, my fingers lightly tracing up to his sternum and then I traced them along his breast bone. I could feel little Eric coming alive along the curve of my ankle to the top of my foot. I smirked.

It was just so Eric.

I grazed my fingers toward the arm he had bent underneath his head to use as a pillow and I leaned up on my elbow again to reach further. I gently slid my nose along his jaw, my eyes taking in the features of his face. He looked absolutely peaceful with his eyes closed, and if it weren't for his now prominent erection pressing against my foot, I would have never known he was having such a positive reaction to my touch.

I watched the trail of my hand along the inside of his forearm, watching as it spasmed at my touch. I was about to smile again when his tattoo caught my eye. I'd seen it before but I'd never taken the time to analyze it, not enough to see its details until now. It was a picture of a wolf. I'd never seen one in real life. From my short knowledge of the world I knew they were similar to dogs. I'd seen a dog only once in my life. My father had taken me with him to meet with the Amity to receive a food cargo and there had been a dog sitting calmly in the cab of the truck. It had been a rather large dog with black and beige fur, its tongue lolled out of its mouth and panting harshly. It was mid-summer at the time and extremely hot, so I figured it must've felt the heat just like we did. I too had been sweating profusely under my numerous layers and would've been panting too if it would've made me feel any better. The wolf on Eric's arm was black with silver tips, and his expression looked a lot less benevolent than what I'd remembered the dog's had been, but that's not what had caught my attention. Hidden in the fur was a barely visible letter 'V'. It looked so familiar and I frowned, lifting my head up to take a closer look.

Sensing I had stopped my movements, Eric opened his eyes, nudging me with his own nose. "What?" He asked.

My eyes shifted down to his, "What does it mean?" I asked, turning to look back at his tattoo, remembering I'd seen it on one other person before.

He turned his head, following my line of sight. "The wolf? They're strong, savage, meaning–" but I stopped him before he finished, moving my finger to point to the letter.

"No. This." I corrected. I felt him immediately tense underneath me, enough for me to notice and to shift my eyes back onto his face.

He was frowning, a now visible tension in his mouth, but other than that he remained passive. I knew he wasn't though. It had been similar to Felix's reaction and I had to wonder why.

"Eric?" I asked.

He turned to look at me then, his eyes shifting erratically between mine as if he were deciding whether to tell me or not. "Can I tell you when I'm ready?" He answered finally, swallowing hard and waiting for my response.

I wondered what the big deal was and why he couldn't just tell me. I was tempted to push, wanting to know immediately what it meant to assuage my curiosity. But then I thought about how understanding Eric has always been with me. Never forcing me to talk about things I didn't want to until I was ready. He was patient with me, always. Not even five minutes ago when I had been vague about Tobias and I, he hadn't pushed to get more of an explanation.

I unwrinkled my brows and nodded. "Of course." I said, with a peck to the corner of his mouth.

He looked utterly relieved and slightly... guilty? I was still learning Eric's emotional expressions so I couldn't quite be sure.

"I love you, Bella." He suddenly said, "Always, no matter what." He added at the end, his eyes shifting erratically between mine as if wanting to cement them into my brain, to keep it there for me to remember forever.

I opened my mouth to respond when he suddenly shifted onto his side. His mouth reaching for mine and taking advantage of my parted lips to slip his tongue in. He kissed me fervently, almost desperately. My body came alive instantly, reciprocating to the kiss and slipping my hand to the side of his head to pull him closer. The hand he'd been using as a pillow slid down to grasp onto my ass, his fingers snaking up to glide underneath my pullover and shirt.

"Bella." He whispered reverently, leaning up onto his elbow to hover just slightly over me. He lifted my tops just enough to expose my chest and then lowered my bra cup to expose my nipple and latched onto it.

I arched my back into his mouth, a moan slipping out of my lips. He lowered his hand again to grasp onto my ass, squeezing it and moving it towards him so he could grind his erection into me. The only thing separating us was the thin material of my panties, which meant I could practically feel all of him.

"Shit." I cursed, shamelessly grinding into him. But I couldn't take having even the thin material of my panties separating us so I lowered my hand, moving my panties to the side and allowing for his erection to slide into my wet folds. He moaned at the action and shifted ever so slightly, allowing his cock to easily slide inside, already knowing where it belonged.

We both gasped. His mouth abandoning my nipple, but only for a second before he latched onto it again, more aggressively this time.

"Oh, fuck, Eric." I moaned, my breath now leaving me in hard pants as he moved.

"I love you so much, Bella." He moaned against my nipple.

I pushed him back and shifted away from him without breaking our connection. I was now on top of him and I lowered my hands to the hem of my pullover, grasping onto it and my shirt to take it off in one go. Once those were off I got rid of my bra too, immediately feeling Eric's hands reaching for my hips, using the opportunity to rip my panties from the sides to slide the undergarment out from in between us.

I moved freely then, placing my hands over Eric's as he held onto my hips to help me move faster and higher. I closed my eyes, tilting my head back at the feel of his cock so far into me. It was absolutely glorious… the way he knew just how to make me feel all of him. I hoped he could feel all of me too. I wanted him to take over me completely, in every way that he wanted to.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered so lowly I barely managed to hear him.

I blinked my eyes open to look down on him, watching the bewitched expression on his face, so full of love and wonder as if he couldn't believe I was actively here doing this with him. It was crazy for me to think he felt that way. Hadn't we been doing this for what felt like forever? Even before feelings had been involved.

He sat up then. His breath hitting my face and mixing in with my own, panting together as if we were one body, like we shared the same pair of lungs. He grasped onto my face, looking deeply into my eyes. "I will love you forever, Bella."

My heart that had been beating erratically before pounded harder against my chest. With his words and that look in his eyes, I suddenly felt a heat radiating out of my heart and spreading to the rest of me, consuming me like wildfire. "Eric." I whispered, my hold on his shoulders tightening viciously, my nails digging into his skin.

He didn't even flinch, if anything his eyes were consumed in fire. His focus solely on me.

It was breathtaking.

I broke on top of him, my orgasm taking over my being. He followed not even a second after me, never releasing my face from his grasp as he leaned forward to press his forehead against mine as he came.

"It will only ever be you, Bella." He whispered raggedly, his body shivering against mine.

And I believed him, every single word.

The next couple of days were filled with work and trying to find the words to finally fill the wordless void between Tobias and I. It was Friday today and I was hoping we could make a forward move somehow. I was committed to making some sort of progress and not leaving it stagnant and cold, it would only make the both of us more miserable if it did.

So this time I walked into his apartment determined to make it different.

He looked straight at me as I entered, just like he always did, always patiently waiting for me to appear. I took the seat next to him and held his hand, I leaned back as I always did and he of course copied my movements.

"I worked with Tori today." I started casually, I felt him jump in place when he heard me speak. "She kept going on and on about you, said you were so kind and helpful and encouraged me to seek you out if she wasn't available." I informed him, turning to look at him.

His eyes had already been watching me as I was speaking. He looked between my eyes, almost searching for some sort of permission to speak.

It was heartbreaking to witness.

We had fallen so far from the two kids we used to be… the kids with the kind of unbreakable bond that no one would ever dare question. I tilted my head in the hopes that he would continue with the conversation I'd started.

"I'm always available." He said quietly, meaning so much more with his words than what he'd stated.

I quietly nodded, and then allowed for a mischievous smile to grace my lips before I spoke again. "You wanna hear something else she said?"

He released a small little smile, so full of hope. "More than anything."

"She said I should get to know you better. She had a suspicion that we would hit it off if we got to know each other better. She said we seemed similar and yet completely different, but that we both had that same feel about us… whatever that means." I added with a chuckle. "But I told her you weren't my type and she laughed at me, told me to open up my horizons and that I would be lucky enough to catch the attention of a guy like you."

He chuckled lightly at my story, his smile reminding me of how easy it could be to make this work again. "You would be so lucky." He teased, his eyes shining with both humor and love, it was nice to see again.

"I didn't know Tori was in the business of matchmaking. I wanted to laugh and gag all at the same time. Weird that she would say something like that, huh? Does she know you're from Abnegation too?"

He shook his head, "Not that I know of. I don't tell anyone, you know that. I hate to lie and to make up a story to cover my past, so I try to avoid the topic. If I did I would have to lie and you know how hard those are to keep up with."

I nodded in understanding. I've had to lie about him and my past too, and trying to remember all of the lies I've told has been difficult. But if I'd had Marcus as a father I would have wanted to keep him hidden under a rock too, lying would have been the only avenue to accomplish that. So the less people knew of where he came from, the better it was for him. "Imagine when she finds out you're with Tris. That is, whenever you both decide to come out to the public…" I trailed off, wondering when he was planning to do that. I was hoping to get a warning. Later on, we would have to start planning on how we would begin to slowly show our own friendship publicly too, though that would have to wait until after we got better.

"About Tris…" He started, swallowing hard before continuing. "I don't know if I want to continue–" but I cut him off.

"Don't tell me what I think you're about to. I told you not to push her away." I reminded him.

He looked away and bit his lip. "It doesn't feel right if we're not right." He admitted. "I just need a break. I want to focus on you and to take the time to show you that you mean more to me than anyone else on this earth, Bella. I would do anything for you. Since you came into this world you and I have always been together and I don't want to lose that."

"We're not losing each other Tobias. Yes we're going through a rough patch right now, but you will always be my best friend, the brother I always saw you as growing up and even now. We'll always be family." I reassured him.

He teared up, but he cleared his throat before speaking again, as if he wanted to keep his emotions in check to not derail the direction of our conversation. "You're my best friend and my sister too, but… I think we've been going about this all wrong." He informed me.

I frowned at his words. "What do you mean?"

He sighed and released a heavy breath, as if he were about to release a long held burden. "Since our fight, I've had a lot of time to reflect. Not only about our relationship but about me as a person too. I wanted to figure out how we got here. How I'd gotten to the point where I could inadvertently manipulate you to get what I wanted."

"You didn't." I disagreed.

He shook his head in denial. "I did, Bella. I know what I mean to you and the lengths you would go to protect me from any kind of pain. I've always relied on you too heavily. Even when I was forced to be around my father I was never worried because I knew you were always nearby, always looking out for me and ready to protect me at a moment's notice. I always needed you too much and it left you in an unfair position. I thought coming here to Dauntless, building my life here on my own, that it would somehow show you I didn't need you as much and that I could be strong too. Strong enough to protect you when you needed me the most. But then I realized you've never needed me, Bella. I mean, you survived your own murder. You won your matches and created other friendships outside of me. You passed the serums without any help. You're a force all on your own, Bella. And I've always been jealous of your strength and perseverance… and in a way, I've also been selfish because of it. Using my past as a crutch and using it against you in some way, but it's time for me to change that. I need to change that. In the past, asking you to take care of me was the only way I felt I could keep you with me. But then Tris came along and then I didn't need you as much anymore. I had been selfish yet again, even while I knew how difficult it had been for you to accept, and it's my fault. I created that co-dependent relationship because I've always needed you more, and because of that, you became the overprotective figure I needed in my life. It's my fault that I, in some way, forced you to become that kind of person, and I'm so sorry."

I wanted to rebuff him, to reassure him that it wasn't because of him that I was the emotionally inept person that I was today, but what he'd said was true. My recent retelling of that night to Eric had made me reflect on it too. Tobias was right, it was because of him that I had become the cold and detached person that I was. It had become my automatic response because I knew I needed to be strong in order to protect him. I couldn't be weak because I knew Tobias wouldn't be strong enough to do it on his own. He had been too hurt to confront his own father. I had once loved Marcus like a second father too, but he wasn't my real father. My real father had been loving and accepting, never physically or emotionally hurtful in any way. Which he could have easily done, at least in an emotional sense. Since birth my mind has always been different, more open and inquisitive, questioning the world around me. Both my father and my mother could have easily forced me to hide my nature to fit the world we lived in, it would have made their lives so much easier. But my parents had been unselfish, my father especially. He had not only loved me but accepted me for who I was, encouraging me to be whoever I wanted to be. Abnegation wanted to cage me in, to put me into a little box, but my father had always told me to never let that happen. I might have to follow their rules to keep myself safe but my faction wasn't allowed to take control of my mind too.

I had felt privileged to have had parents like them, and to have had a father like Charlie who was the complete opposite of what Marcus had become in his grief. It was also because of that in which I'd felt the responsibility to take on Tobias' safety and happiness as my own. But even with those acceptances in my mind I never once regretted it. I loved Tobias. Yes, it might not have been necessarily healthy for him to depend on me so much but growing up it had helped me focus too. I had found some sort of purpose in becoming his pillar of strength. So when Tris come along into the picture I hadn't taken it well. I'd quickly realized our relationship would have to change because of her and it had been terrifying. But he was right. Our relationship had to change, and would probably have to continue to change.

How many times had I thought of this before?

I realized now it was more than just a few times, but I too had been in denial and in a way dependent on him too… It was time for the both of us to change that, it wasn't all on him. I was at fault too and I needed to work on it just as much as he did.

"You're right," I finally admitted. "But I think we both need to change." I corrected. "In a way I think I depended on you too to give me purpose, to guide me into the person I needed to be. You said you built that codependency but I think we both did it to each other. My mind has always been so different. Overwhelmingly chaotic, lost with no direction and nothing for me to focus on. And when I realized you needed me I guess I found the outlet I needed to help me center my mind. You were already my other half, Tobias, and that night only worked to cement that more than ever. The idea of losing you is a concept I could never fathom. And I don't necessarily regret being those things for you growing up. Not in the grand scheme of things. We both needed each other then... but you're right. Now we've come to a point where we don't need that type of dependency anymore, at least not like we used to. I will always need you in my life and I know you do too, but I think we can now both try to find the middle point where we can both be happy. We've both grown and matured since we were last in Abnegation and I think it's time for us to evolve our relationship too, to put in the work to help it mature and grow just as we have as individuals."

He remained quiet as he analyzed my words. We'd both just had some big revelations which had the potential to change our relationship. It was terrifying to think we would have to change what we have been relying on since we were kids. It automatically instilled a fear of loss and therefore grief of what we used to be. But we needed to move past that fear and grief. To work on changing our dynamic for the better and to not use it as a crutch or as an excuse to not change and evolve as two separate individuals. I know he needed that for himself but I needed that too if I wanted to continue to open myself up to Eric. I needed to change and try to search for different facets or aspects of myself so as not to rely on my own cold and detached exterior to protect myself from the world, to not let it prevent me from forming fulfilling relationships with both friends and loved ones.

"Still you and me, right?" He asked. I could sense the terror simmering just underneath.

I could relate, I felt it too. "Always. But sprinkled with the presence of those we've found to care for too."

He watched me silently, I could see him processing my words and understanding the underlayers of my words. "He's staying?" He quietly asked me then.

I knew he was referring to Eric, how could he not, Eric had been the one to help me center myself once again. But more as a calming presence, not an imposing one like Tobias had been. Eric didn't need me like Tobias did. He simply wanted to be a part of my life. "Yes." I confirmed. He remained quiet for a long moment. Trying to get used to the idea of Eric being in the picture. I was sure he was having difficulty accepting that, but he was going to have to eventually because this thing with Eric was real. I'd accepted Tris into our lives and so he would need to accept Eric too. "And I also think Tris should stay too." I added.

A bittersweet expression crossed his features but in the end he nodded. "I think so too." He finally said, managing a small smile.

"You better start preparing your apology speech because that girl deserves that and more."

He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. "I really fucked up didn't I?"

Actually, no. He had no idea how much Tris cared about him. He wouldn't have to grovel much to get back into her good graces. She deserved an apology though. "Not at much as you think." I said with a small smile.

He smiled back, grasping onto my hand and kissing the back of it tenderly.

I released a relieved filled breath. Happy to have now found ourselves in the middle of the obstacle course and not stuck at the starting line like we had been. It might not happen today, or tomorrow, but we both knew we would get there eventually, together, just as always.

"I love you, Tassy." I said lovingly, pulling him into a hug as if we were both cementing a promise, signing a contract to the betterment of our relationship.

"I love you, Bell."