There's Something About Bowsette

A/N: Wow! Thanks so much to all the new followers! I'll continue to do my best and update regularly!

thewittywhy: No spoilers, but Peach has no idea what the next few days will bring. ;)

JasonVUK: Why, thank you! It's just going to get more and more meta!

Chapter Three
You Can't Always Get What You Want

Toadette sat impatiently and alone in the waiting room of Bowser's Castle. She gnawed on a decomposing twig and twirled one of her twintails in her free hand. Finally, she ran to the reception counter.

"Is Bowser in yet?" she asked once more.

Wendy Koopa put down her slushie and just blinked at her from behind the desk.

"You know, you don't have to ask me every two minutes. I'll tell you when he's seeing people, and right now, he ain't."

"O… kay…" Toadette mumbled sadly in that husky Toad voice. She returned to reading the tabloids, but nothing at all registered. Her every waking thought was irresistibly drawn to the Super Crown, and her desire to wear it around the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate server.

After lunch, Mario and Luigi went to hang out briefly with Mega Man, Meta-Knight, Dark Pit, Roy, and Male Robin. They were all involved in a very elaborate series of bets over the current fighters - Ike and Pikachu VS Marth and Pichu on the Pokemon Stadium stage with the Final Smash Meter on.

"Keep this up and you'll all be broke, and I'll have enough for next year's Tactician Swimsuit Monthly subscription," Robin taunted the others, seeing as how he'd amassed the largest pile of coins, much to the anger and dismay of the others, and to the confusion of Roy, who couldn't imagine there were nearly enough tacticians in swimsuits to justify a monthly publication.

"Or, you know, you could just buy yourself a noose and rid us all of your misery," Meta-Knight grumbled.

"One o' these days we're gonna catch you cheating, Robin," Mega Man said. "And it won't be pretty."

But Robin just laughed. "Know thyself, know thy enemy, and the battle is won! Look, Pikachu's gonna fish for that grab… yes… up-throw to Thunder, and Marth will punish, ah! There it is… now Pichu's going to activate his Final Smash."

"I'm not-a betting man," said Luigi, "but if I were, I would bet on something more fun, something we haven't-a been doing for years now."

Dark Pit, whose edge had worn off as of late, looked down at his sandals in depression. "You sound just like Palutena. She's always telling me how much of a square I am. It's not my fault I was designed this way."

But Luigi's words had struck a chord with the others, who were getting bored of betting Coins on Smash battles. It had been a while since the latest addition to the roster was announced, and since the hype train was starting to slow down, everyone was ready to start talking about The Next Big Thing.

"Yeah, what are we doing here?" Roy said at last. "Why don't we go to the pool and see if any of the girls are there?"

The others mumbled their assent, and the brothers, not really down for the millionth game of Marco Polo, decided to play a few sets of tennis.

Luigi discreetly texted Daisy as to his plans, so it wasn't long before the princesses made their way to the courts.

Peach had finished her letters to both Mario and Bowser, then ripped them up and decided to settle the matter as best she could in person.

Gathering up her courage, she stepped forth onto the court.

"Mario…" she said, approaching the plumber in between sets. "Can we talk for a minute?"

Mario was about to protest on behalf of his brother's need to train, but Daisy was seen to be offering Luigi some of her homemade hibiscus tea, something he just couldn't refuse. The couple took a seat at the back of the court and pretended to ignore them.

Thanks a lot, Mario tried to psychically communicate to his brother, who merely shrugged in response.

"Sure, we can talk," he told Peach, but made no efforts at attempting to find a place to sit.

Mario merely dribbled a tennis ball against the ground, not venturing to be the first to speak.

"Here, if you please," Peach told her Toads, who set up a couple of fold-out chairs and a large pop-up parasol to shade them at the service line.

Mario reluctantly sat down facing the Princess.

"I understand you were upset over the… Odyssey thing," said Peach.

"Bygones. It's-a all in the past."

She evidently wasn't convinced.

"I'm fine," Mario replied. "Really. It's-a okay."

"No, it's not okay, Mario," Peach insisted, taking his hands in hers. "When people are hurting, it's never okay…"

Mario shrugged and gently took his hands away. "I don't blame you, Peach. You can't help how-a you feel. No one can."

"But I can try…"

"Try?"

Try to love him, Peach finished Mario's thought. But I don't know if I can promise that… I can't know, there's something stopping me, a mental block…

Peach felt hurt. "…I meant to at least try to make things better. Can't we just be as we always have?"

"You've-a hit upon the problem. I can't."

"Oh, Mario, I don't know… this is coming out all wrong," Peach struggled. "I'm lost. I never wanted to hurt anyone, you least of all."

"We're fated to hurt the ones-a we love," Mario replied. "And maybe Bowser and I are-a fated to have our hearts broken. Romantic love is a vicious cycle, especially when it-a forms the basis for the most enduring and lucrative franchise in all of gaming."

Peach was thoughtful for a few seconds. "You invoked 'fate'… that's just a catch-all word for things out of our immediate control."

"Thank-a you, Princess Obvious."

"Look, there's a question here we're not asking. Why does it have to be this way?" Peach queried. "Why does it have to be so complicated?"

"Because I love-a you, dammit!" Mario finally confessed, and threw down his racket. "Porca miseria! How many times have I said it?! If you would care for me, then stop-a tormenting me!"

"Tormenting you?" she asked.

"Looking at me the way-a you do, teasing and-a flirting, all while asking for what I cannot give-a you anymore without hurting myself!"

Without waiting for a reply, he stormed away.

"Don't go! I…" Peach began, eyes downcast.

Mario halted in his steps. "You…"

"I… I lo…"

Peach looked up to see Mario's great big eyes filled with nervous anticipation.

"What I mean is… I don't want you, or anyone, to suffer on my account," Peach finished, and Mario's hopes sank like the Titanic.

Both Peach and Mario knew that she was wanting to say something completely different, but couldn't.

Mario couldn't for the life of him decide whether it was because she couldn't say "I love you", or because she realized mid-sentence that she didn't truly mean it, and he didn't know which was worse. He was too tired of this same old song and dance to even try to penetrate that impenetrable psychic shield.

"I'll suffer if I can-a see the goalpost. Suffering is not-a something to be feared," Mario replied, thinking of his innumerable in-game deaths. "If that were the case, no one would-a be speed-running Kamilia 3, or Spelunky, or Banjo-Kazooie. People would-a just sit around and watch the world burn. When fear rules our hearts, we lose everything."

"That's… true, but, oh, Mario, don't you see what a bind I'm in?"

Mario looked sadly at the woman he loved. All these years and she still hadn't learned to be honest with herself.

"Just-a because I see it doesn't mean I can do anything about it. We can't meet each other's needs. I'm-a sorry."

She stood silently, but she wanted to scream, to hide, to wring out the tears in her handkerchief and declare that she was… well, what the hell else could she say? She was losing her friends, and every word she spoke seemed to be driving a wedge between her and her once-upon-a-time-almost-lover.

Contrary to popular belief, they had never actually sealed the deal, and had been living in the nightmarish purgatory of what seemed like an eternal 'will-she, won't-she' courtship ritual.

Mario had been resolved since the previous night spent drinking with Bowser to let her go once and for all, but even he at that moment was so close to breaking that he simply could not be a part of this conversation any more.

"Thank-a you for your sincerity, Peach. You've-a given me peace and I really appreciate it. But I need-a some time… time to think."

She hugged him, and he returned it, warmly.

He took her dainty hand, kissed it, and walked away.

She didn't sniff back the tears, and instead let them flow as she sank back into her seat.

Daisy rushed to Peach. Meanwhile, Luigi followed Mario, who left the court, into the locker room.

"Hey," Luigi said, washing his face beside his brother's.

"Hey," Mario replied.

"How'd it go?"

"Could have-a been worse. I think I'm going to take a much-a-needed weekend vacation."

Luigi was impressed, if a little concerned, at Mario's surety.

"Where to?"

"Sunshine Islands."

"So not far, then."

Mario shook his head. "I just-a need to relax and clear my head."

"Right…" Luigi replied. "I'll try to keep-a her entertained."

When Luigi had exited the court, he felt ready to play some golf with the girls. Peach and Daisy were nowhere to be seen.

He got a text message from Daisy: "Off doing lady stuff~ Toodles~"

Luigi took off his hat and scratched his head. Well, there goes that idea.

As Ganondorf worked with Kamek, Bowsette spent much of the afternoon with her son. Bowser Junior excitedly showed off his rooms, toys, weapons, and collection of Koopa Clown Cars.

She began by politely pretending to be interested in all this, but ended with genuine happiness and excitement at being able to see the world through Junior's eyes, just in a different way than she'd ever seen him before.

Junior, being older than many of the Newcomers, was old enough to act like an adult, but he didn't. He seemed to infantilize himself, to be stuck in emotional adolescence, so to speak. His growth and maturity had been stunted ever since Super Mario Sunshine.

"You know," he said all of a sudden, "daddy stopped talking about you a while ago. I thought he was lying for a long time and that I never had a mommy, but I guess a lot of us don't have mommies, so…"

Bowsette bit her lip. "That's all right. Your daddy and I have a… complicated relationship."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well, it's like this. Your daddy is a very busy man, and right now he's in the middle of a bold experiment… so your mommy is going to take over his duties for a little while."

"Poor mommy!" Bowser Junior said worriedly.

"Oh, don't feel sorry for me… I'm just sorry I haven't been there for you… I've been spending a lot of time trying to find myself. A lot of us have, ever since we were told we were sentient programs created by a video game company to entertain children. It's quite a lot to put on a conscious being, wouldn't you agree?"

"We're what?" Bowser Junior asked. "I'm confused."

Bowsette smirked. "We are playthings, remember? Strings of code! Characters in a series of video games beloved the world over. That's what we've always been, and it's why we all live here. So we can continue to make people happy."

"Oh, yeah, that," said Junior, who, rather willfully, never really allowed himself to fully grasp the concept, probably because it would so mess with his sense of peace of mind that he might even lose it. "You said that daddy's doing an experiment, right?"

"Yes…" Bowsette nearly gulped. Did the boy know the truth?

"If… if I wanted to send a message to my daddy, you'd be able to help me, right?"

"Of course I would." Daddy's just a little lost right now.

"Thank you. I love daddy. And I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

"My head hurts, mommy. Can you read me a story? I want it to be naptime now."

She led her child to bed.

There was a long moment of silence as Bowser Junior just cuddled up next to his mother. Bowsette began humming the Castle Theme from Super Mario World as she looked for a good book.

The poor boy can't accept it. And can I blame him? None of us asked to be here, Bowsette reflected. None of us asked for these roles, for these bodies, to be fated to play one part in this grand game for all eternity…

"Here, let's get you tucked in," Bowsette said. She took out a large, hardbound copy of A Thousand Years of Dreams, the beautifully-written collection of Kaim's short stories from the hit JRPG Lost Odyssey.

She lay in bed with Junior, and stroked the boy's hair as he fell asleep with his head filled with such strange and confusing thoughts.

Mid-afternoon had passed. Bowsette walked on over to the living room, where she plopped down in front of the TV, spread her arms over the sofa, and leaned her head back.

I can't hide in here forever. I need to announce myself to everyone… but how? I need to make a dramatic entrance.

But first, she needed a break. To get away somewhere.

Just then, Bowsette realized she hadn't checked her phone in a while. She had Kamek bring it to her, and saw that she had several messages.

Mr. Miyamoto: Hey, King Koopa! Hope all is well. Just a reminder - please don't tell everyone about the Super Crown! It still has some bugs and we don't want things to get out of control.

Yeah, good luck with that, she thought.

The next message was a voicemail from Mario.

Mario: Hey-a, friend! How goes the sulking? I'm-a going on vacation to the Sunshine Islands. Just wanted to let-a you know in case you wanted to a-stop by and commiserate. But if not, then so long, Gay Bowser!

The Sunshine Islands, Bowsette thought. I could do that.

Bowsette didn't let herself reflect on the truth behind her decision - that she wanted to show off her new body to Mario - because that would have brought up a whole host of other, more complicated questions. So she told herself that she wanted to use Mario in order to gauge how everyone else would react when she showed up to the Smashgrounds Dining Hall.

And so, she rang for Kamek and had him pack up her things, prepare an airship for immediate departure, and reserve a suite at the luxurious Hotel Delfino on Sirena Beach, located in the Super Mario Sunshine server.

Now for the important question: Should I go with the blonde, or the red?

"He said he wanted space," Peach argued to Daisy, adjusting her cloak so as to hide her very distinguishable face. "Tell me again how that doesn't mean there's another woman in his life."

"Sometimes men just need to be alone," Daisy sighed. It wasn't as if Peach had some sort of claim on him, anyway.

"But this has never happened before," said Peach. "Something's not right." And this is for his own good, she added to herself.

Daisy wanted to level with her stubborn friend, to tell Peach that her pomp, isolation, and ridiculously high standards meant that she was sorely lacking in knowledge and experience with the opposite sex. But she didn't dare, so she kept quiet, even though Peach half-hoped that her friend would say something to reassure or challenge her.

They were now passing the entrance to the Tomodachi Life complex, where Assist Trophies, as well as hopefuls for Ultimate's roster and DLC were housed whenever they weren't busy beta-testing their games, going on photo or video shoots, waiting tables, doing laundry, or goofing off and watching magical girl anime alone in their rooms with some tissues, as Travis Touchdown was wont to do.

Neither of the princesses wanted to be seen around there, but Peach had insisted that there be no other witnesses, so there they were all wrapped up in cloaks as they ascended the stairs to the second level.

Both princesses noticed Golden Sun's Isaac and Tales of Symphonia's Lloyd Irving were sparring in the central courtyard while Blaziken, Incineroar, Geno, Skull Kid, Ken Masters, Karate Joe, The Black Knight, Hector, Rayman, Black Shadow, Shantae, Dixie, Cranky, and Funky Kong, the Doomslayer, Heihachi, Solaire, Arle Nadja, Lip, and Ayumi Tachibana, among dozens of others, looked on and awaited their turns.

"I hope a lot of them get in," Daisy said under her breath.

"What, so we have more match-ups to learn?" answered Peach. "There's enough fighters as it is."

"But it would make people so happy," continued Daisy.

Finally, they reached the room. A sign on it read "Private Investigator. No case too small".

Peach hit the doorbell.

The sounds of hardcore sex happening within stopped.

A tiny doggie door at the bottom flapped open, and a 10cm (4in) tall metal robot emerged from within. He wiggled out of the condom that was covering his body and lit up a cigarette that was nearly as long as he was tall.

Daisy was still looking at the door and waiting for it to open, so she was surprised when Peach squatted down and hunched over to address Chibi-Robo directly.

"We were never here, understand?" she said.

Chibi-Robo made no reply, but looked at her expectantly.

Peach withdrew a large wad of bills that was taller than he was and put it on the floor.

"I have a job for you," said Peach. "You're to begin immediately."

It was a most gorgeous sunset. On the deck of his yacht, Mario strummed his ukelele in time to Kapp'n's chirpy singing and the Pianta First Mate's Gogoat-skin tambourine. He was so lost in chillin' out, Mario didn't notice the tiny stowaway, Chibi-Robo, who was sneaking around the deck and recording his every move.

At long last, landfall was made at Sirena Beach, and Mario tipped Kapp'n, who continued singing his sea shanty as he sailed back into the glowing orange sunset.

Mario stretched and yawned as he stepped out onto the sand, then toted his own backpack to the hotel in which he'd be staying. Chibi-Robo wrapped a seashell around him and followed like a two-legged hermit crab.

As he entered, Mario became aware of a stunningly gorgeous woman sitting at the Steinway grand piano. She was decked out in a form-fitting black blouse with a blue pendant and low-cut back, a frilly miniskirt, knee-high black stockings and heels, and boasted an eerily familiar spiky green shell on her back, as well as a flowing mane of blonde hair interrupted by two horns and a crown.

Calm, relaxed eyes peered out at the score from below the wild mess of hair as she delicately plucked away at the keys.

The soft notes of Ludovico Einaudi's Nuvole Bianche lilted into the air and carried Mario over to the irresistible beauty, whose fragrance of spicy perfume, reminding him of lightly burnt incense, intoxicated his humongous nostrils.

She was so lost in the piece, and Mario so lost in her, that he stood gaping, entranced, until she completed it.

At long last, having noticed his presence, Bowsette turned to regard her longtime friend, rival, and companion.

"Good evening, Mario."

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Hope y'all liked it. Faves, follows and reviews keep me going! As you can see, I'm taking a slower pace to this story, so please don't expect too much raunchy stuff yet, but trust me when I say the wait will be worth it. :D