There's Something About Bowsette
A/N: Thanks again to all the new followers! Hope this chapter turned out all right, since I rewrote it twice. I'm also happy to say that most of the next chapter is already finished, which gives me more time to polish it before I release it on Thursday. :D Happy times!
GaoGod: So do I. So do I.
JasonVUK: Awesome! Glad to hear it! :D
death'sgodson1224-DGS: I'm actually really glad for the additional details they put into Mario's expressions in Odyssey. It's a lot easier for me to imagine him emoting now, haha.
Chapter Four
Masquerade
Upon hearing the inimitable Bowsette for the first time via Chibi-Robo's built-in microphone (the pint-sized droid was live-streaming to her phone, but the connection to that little-used sector on the dusty Sunshine Islands server was so weak that she was unable to see his video), Princess Peach leapt from her bed in agitation.
So there is another woman!
Bowsette casually tossed a lock of her hair aside and turned to face Mario, her two chest-cannons forming the basis for a full-frontal assault.
"Hi, there," Mario replied. "Um… I don't-a think we've met."
"Are you sure about that?" Bowsette replied in a sultry voice, and with her smile, Mario noticed the familiar fangs and smirk that belonged to his longtime frenemy, and he nearly leapt out of his Hawaiian shirt.
Finally, she shook her blonde hair vigorously, and it changed color from blonde to red.
"It can't-a be…"
Bowsette laughed, a different laugh than before, and it was deep, and warm, and feminine, but a little too forced.
Mario stood gaping, unable to speak.
Bowsette tried not to let on how much she relished the sight as she rose from the piano. "So are you going to buy me a drink, or what? Come on, silly."
They both sat at the luxurious lounge, recently added in the hotel's most recent HD remodel, and spruced up with velvety sofas and carpets. The piano replaced the water feature in the center. A snazzy bar now stood where the fruit stand used to be, and rosy mood lighting replaced the flaming torches.
Bowsette flagged down their Pianta waiter. "Gin and tonic for me. And my friend will have a scotch, right? On the rocks?"
"Mamma Mia! What is-a going on?"
"That's a yes," Bowsette told the waiter, then smiled at Mario. "You must have missed it. Mr. Miyamoto lent me this thing."
She pointed at her Super Crown.
Mario was stunned. "Of-a course! You got it to work? Could I try it?"
"It would be very painful… for you," said Bowsette in her best Bane (The Dark Knight Rises) impression, and she gave him a very in-depth description of the pain and horrors she underwent during the transformation.
"But perhaps once we figure out how to make it work for anyone," she concluded, "you can give it a spin."
Mario scratched his chin as he admired his good friend.
"Does-a Junior know?"
"Sort of."
"Ah."
They downed their first drinks and Bowsette described the story of how it all went down, omitting nothing.
When Bowsette got to the part about Ganondorf and Kamek attempting to modify the Super Crown's Source Code, Peach felt her heart leap into her throat. By now, she'd deduced that Bowser of all people was wearing the Super Crown, and she could not, would not, let this go any further.
Still watching the live feed on her phone, Peach hurriedly dressed up to go out. Forgoing her usual dress, she put on her Mario Kart 8 bike jumpsuit. After arming herself with her usual accoutrements as well as a homerun bat for good measure, she called for a hot air balloon to be readied, then opened the large glass doors to her balcony, where she stared ominously at Bowser's Castle in the distance.
Deep within the bowels of that place she knew so well, unspeakable horrors were being wrought, and she was the only one who could do anything about them… but she knew this wasn't a job she ought to attempt alone.
She left the live feed on her phone for a second and began to type a message.
Peach: Hey, Snake… sorry to trouble you so late, but I could really use your help. Top secret sneaking mission and all that. Will pay up front.
Snake, meanwhile, was balls-deep into no-suit Samus on her Hunter-class Gunship, which was hovering high above the Smashgrounds Main Castle, at the moment Peach's message popped up on his phone.
Portishead's "Roads" played from Samus' speakers as Snake saw his phone light up on the bedside table, but couldn't discern the message.
Samus grabbed Snake by the chin and tilted his head back to look at her. "Eyes on me, big boy," she said as she slapped both of his butt cheeks with the force of a thousand Phil Swifts right where they were nerfed.
He winced in pain as his hip bones rattled and his ball joints shook.
"Oh, I forgot," she said. "Sorry."
"I'm gonna get you for that," Snake teased her as he nibbled and twisted her nipples, all the while bottoming out within her.
Samus wrapped her legs around Snake's back and squeezed.
Needless to say, Peach's text went ignored.
"It's so absurd!" Mario said at last, once Bowsette's inside story was done and they were onto their fifth round of drinks.
"I know, right?!" exclaimed Bowsette, whose eyes had never been more sparkling and vivid. "I feel like a million bucks!"
Mario smirked. It really was incredible how much Bowsette looked like a perfectly genderbent conglomeration of both Peach and Bowser. What was even more incredible was the unprecedented and intense sexual power that she was holding over him. It was as if Bowsette held his fate between both pairs of her lips, and despite Mario's best attempts to keep a poker face, she knew it.
Bowsette, of course, did know it, and she relished in that power.
"So… what's your next-a move?" Mario asked.
Bowsette let her first and most foremost fantasy play through her mind: she considered proposing to Mario that they pretend to be in a relationship in front of Peach, and not even take notice of her. That'd make her regret turning them both down real quick. But to go through so much trouble just to enact a ruse seemed not only an inefficient method of exacting revenge, but a petty misuse of a unique power.
"I've been pondering it," said Bowsette at last. "In the right hands, this Super Crown might be a great weapon."
Mario frowned. "If you're thinking of-a tormenting her, I won't-a stand for it."
"A White Knight 'till the end." Bowsette laughed to disguise how well Mario had seen through him. "T'was an idle thought, nothing more. I have much grander plans in store…"
"You don't say?"
"I do say."
Mario could tell from her tone that that was as much as Bowsette was willing to share. Who'd have thought it? Here his friend was speaking the words of a Mafioso with the sultry sizzle of a succubus.
Mario smiled. Bowsette was still getting used to being a woman.
"I can't-a get over it…"
"Hmmm?"
"You're just-a so… different," Mario said absently, referring to Bowsette's personality as much as her looks.
"Well, no shit!" Bowsette jested, grabbing her giant breasts. "I traded by testicles for chest-icles! For better or worse, I'm ALL woman now!"
Mario laughed nervously, and Bowsette joined him.
A whimsy suddenly occurred to Bowsette. I wonder if I can get my genitals to change on will… maybe if I modify the source code. Worth looking into.
"MORE DRINKS!" she demanded.
Another round of fiery cognac saw Mario's head spinning.
"I've-a got a story for you, too," he told Bowsette.
"Oh?"
"Peach came up to-a me today. Said she wanted to be friends. For things to stay as they were."
Bowsette looked on, enraptured. "And?"
On a pretense of leaning in to listen better, and so Mario didn't need to raise his voice, Bowsette scooted on over next to him. Her legs touched his and her intoxicating pheromones nearly drove Mario into a swoon.
Mario attempted to say matter-of-factly, "I told-a her no."
"A taste of her own medicine!" Bowsette said, putting her arm around her good friend and nearly pressing her ta-tas into his cheek. "Maybe she'll finally come to understand our plight."
"I don't-a care anymore," Mario stated, trying to take the overbearing nearness of the gorgeous woman beside him in stride. "I honestly don't have-a the capacity to care what she thinks, and it feels great."
"That's the spirit, Mario!" urged Bowsette, who, leaping on the coffee table in a power stance, suddenly sounded like an enthusiastic cheerleader who'd just inhaled a Tony Montana-sized mountain of pixie dust. "I feel great, too! In fact, I don't think I've ever felt better!"
"It's-a like we've been freed from a curse!" Mario exclaimed as he caught a fleeting glance up Bowsette's mini-skirt and caught a whiff of the taste of heaven beneath her black-and-white striped panties. "Wa-hoo! Another round!"
The Piantas just gave up at that point and brought them their last remaining bottles, and the two were up into the wee hours of the morning drinking, laughing, reminiscing, and singing. At least, that is, until a little someone slammed their door open and ambled down the stairs, complaining about the noise.
It was Toadsworth, the old, mustached Toad, shaking his cane in frustration.
"Confound it! Can't a guy get some sleep around here?! Oh!"
At the sight of Bowsette, his mustache shook with absolute rage.
"BOWSER?!"
"Bows-ette, actually," she replied smugly.
"Toadsworth! Come-a drink with us!" Mario suggested.
"Good heavens! What the hizz-ell is THAT THING?!" Toadsworth yelled. "DEGENERATES! Why, if the Princess saw you— AHH!"
Mario and Bowsette were in such a rowdy mood, they threw empty bottles at the elderly Toad until he fled in consternation and terror, tripping over himself as he fled back to his room.
The two laughed and jested like children even as the Piantas served them with severe expressions.
"Hey, whaddaya say we go race across the beach?!" Bowsette suggested.
Mario took Toadsworth's tiny glasses, which fell on the floor, and used them like a monocle. "I say! I must-a credit you, Bowsette, on a most capital idea!"
And so Bowsette took off her heels and the two drunk friends ran out of the hotel, leapt over the fountains and onto the beach, and raced one another along the coastline. Chibi-Robo tried to keep up, but struggled on the sand.
Teeth gritting and her toes curled up, Princess Peach couldn't believe how bad the reception was even from her hot air balloon.
As she frantically held her phone aloft, Peach was barely able to keep her cool enough to not activate her fiery Vibe and raise her altitude.
Listen to them, they're… so free… having so much fun… how? Why? What's happening?
Peach was so intent on trying to hear the muffled details of their conversation that she didn't notice how close she was to Bowser's Castle until it was too late.
"AH!" Peach exclaimed as her hot air balloon nearly crashed right into one of the corner towers.
She Floated and scrambled into the window, but accidentally dropped her phone as she climbed up onto the sill.
Let that be a warning to you, Peach! Pay attention! she chastised herself.
Dusting herself off, she snuck and clambered around the spiral stairways, scrolling rooms, lava-filled vertical chambers, and other tedious obstacles filling up the castle with relative ease, greeting Thwomps, Dry Bones, Hammer Bros., and Bob-Ombs she'd known for years, and whom she'd leapt on and forced to respawn many a time. She'd spent so much of her time within these walls, she could have done this in her sleep.
I don't need Snake, she told herself. I don't need anyone.
But she was descending into places well-protected, and a persistent, nagging sensation that she was being followed, gnawed at the outer recesses of Peach's consciousness until she found herself pressing her back against the wall every few steps and withdrawing her homerun bat, ready to do battle.
Finally, she stopped suddenly, and this time there was no mistaking it. She'd definitely heard another set of feet echoing behind her.
Peach resolved to face her foe. She reached a particularly isolated and narrow hallway, one ideal to make a last stand, if she needed to. She hid behind an outcropping at the end of the hallway and withdrew a homerun bat and timed her charge on it just right.
But just at the moment she released the bat, she saw that the figure walking on by was none other than a very somber-looking Bowser Junior and immediately fell back in a desperate effort to redirect her swing.
The bat slammed into the tunnel, hard, with that oh-so-satisfying SCHWIIIING sound effect, and the next thing they knew, a giant, physics-defying crack ran down the old masonry. Peach and Junior had a couple of seconds to high-tail it into the next chamber before the tunnel crumbled to dust all around them.
Peach coughed and sputtered at all the dust.
"Mommy?" Junior asked. "Mommy, is that you?"
"We've been over this, Bowser Junior," she said, dusting off her dress in vain. "I'm not your mother."
"I know you aren't…" he agreed sadly.
It took a second for Peach to put two-and-two together, but she soon caught the drift.
"I see. When was the last time you saw your mommy?" Peach asked.
"Just this afternoon! I finally got to meet her. She was so sweet... she read me a story, and tucked me in for a nap, but then when I woke up… there was just this note."
He whipped out a piece from Peach's personal stationary.
Junior,
I'll be away for a couple of days. Please behave yourself, and for the love of Iwata, don't go into Kamek's Lab. He's doing some very dangerous work.
Love,
Mommy
The handwritten note Bowser Junior showed Peach stunned her - she recognized in it something very similar to her own handwriting.
"Would you believe it?" Junior continued, nearly in tears. "I've been waiting my whole life for her, but as soon as she shows up, poof! Gone! What'd I do, Princess Peach? Did I disappoint her?"
"I'm sure you didn't disappoint her, and she's probably just busy, but Junior... your mother said specifically not to go into Kamek's Lab," said Peach.
"So?"
"So that's exactly where you're headed. This passage leads there and there alone. Care to explain?"
"Maybe she's there right this moment!" Bowser Junior urged. "I know what reverse psychology is, you know."
Truly, yours is a vast and superior intellect, she thought.
"And if she is," he continued, "maybe we can find her together!"
"Yes, why don't we go together?" Peach suggested. "Only, let's try and go quietly."
"Quietly?" Junior clarified, but Peach, who sensed that they were close, just put a finger to her lips and gestured to a spiral staircase leading to Kamek's Lab, just a few floors up in its own corner tower.
Peach took off her sneakers and they ascended on their tip-toes. As they neared their destination, the sounds of sewing machines and voices could be heard, including one that every so often went "Guuurmmm! Owwww..."
"Run the benefits by me again," said a familiar spooky voice that filled Peach with a deathly chill.
"It's simple," replied a tired, impatient voice that Peach recognized as belonging to Ganondorf. "Put it on, and presto! You're a cute Peach-like version of yourself that will probably be a hit with fan artists on the Internet once we leak some lewds."
As Peach and Junior now saw, Ganon was addressing King Boo, who was inspecting their test subjects so far - a cute brown-haired lady that had once been a Goomba and paced the floor on a strict x-axis, a rather vicious-looking girl, formerly a Chain Chomp, sitting in a black dress tied up to a stake in the corner, a woman with green hair and an orange bonnet decked out in red and green with white polka dots who was half-hiding like a Piranha Plant within a Warp Pipe, and a girl in gray who kept falling onto her butt on a mat every ten seconds and exclaiming an oddly satisfying "Guuurrmmm! Owwww..." each time. Peach deduced that she must have been a Thwomp until just recently.
"You really don't have to do that," said Ganondorf, who was annoyed, but didn't have the heart to take off the Thwomp's Super Crown and cause it more pain. "If you want your ass destroyed, I'll be happy to help later."
"O-o-o-okay," the Thwomp replied, catching herself before she fell onto her butt and squatting instead.
"And of course, Mabel and Sable will be making your dresses," Ganondorf added, gesturing to the overworked Able Sisters, who, after dressing up the poor Thwompette, returned to working furiously on Bowser's commissions in the back of the room.
King Boo seemed slightly less skeptical than he was just a minute prior. He'd always distrusted the entire concept of legs. It probably felt very heavy and tiresome, having to use the floor to support one's whole body. But the curiosity of what he'd look and feel like got the better of him.
"What's the catch?" he asked Ganondorf.
"Generally, it's been really painful, and we haven't been able to figure out how to bypass pain signals," said Ganon. "Kamek and I tweaked the code again, but as you can see, none of the others wanna go through any more agony. But seeing as how you don't exactly have a central nervous system, I have a theory that, whatever happens, you maybe won't hurt so badly…"
"Wait, you just want to use me as an experiment?" King Boo was astonished. "I'll have you know I'm royalty!"
"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England," said Kamek, who had just returned from using the bathroom. "We tried recruiting one of your little guys, but they're too shy and just turn away from us."
"That's kind of what they do," King Boo answered. "Suppose I can't blame you for trying. Ah, what the hell. I'll do it if you do it."
Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "If I do it?" He'd never quite pondered what he'd look like as a woman. It might be rather awkward. "All right," he said. "What the hell. Kamek, summon the Super Crowns."
"You know, this could get out of hand real fast," said Kamek, who stood over a pentagram drawn in crayon on the floor, in the center of which was unfurled the scroll containing the Super Crown source code (on the tips of its pointed stars were arranged sugar, spice, a piece of paper with the words 'everything nice', seasons 1-2 of Sailor Moon on Blu-Ray, and an 8TB hard drive filled with nothing but Rule 34 and 63 images), and waved his magical scepter.
"A little late for concern, Kamek. Pandora's Box has been open for a while now," stated Ganondorf.
Peach calculated the amount of time it would take her to run up and snatch the Super Crown scroll from that pentagram. If everyone were distracted, she just might make it.
The whole process took seconds. Two Super Crowns popped right into existence.
Ganondorf took them both and handed one to King Boo.
I sure hope I know what I'm doing, Ganondorf said, wincing at the possible flurry of pain he was prepared to experience.
"Count of three?" King Boo said, taking off his old crown, and Kamek retreated behind a magical barrier, almost out of instinct now.
Peach and Bowser Junior watched intently from the staircase.
"Stay here," Peach whispered to Junior.
"Three…" they said in unison.
"Huh? Why? Where are you going?" he asked.
"Two…" Ganondorf held the crown above his head.
Peach drew a turnip, not answering the boy.
"One… Go!"
Princess Peach dashed into the room at the same moment the blinding light of King Boo's rather magical girl-like transformation kicked in and he twirled and pirouetted in the air in a dazzling light show before returning as a very changed and very beautiful, well-endowed, silvery-haired woman with sharp eyes, fangs, and a tongue that put Gene Simmons' to shame.
Ganondorf, who hadn't dropped the crown and yet still held it above his head, looked on in admiration at the now-Queen Booette, whose long, flowing white hair failed to obey the set laws of physics. Covering her private parts as Kamek fetched a towel, she looked down and felt the cold, hard ground beneath her feet with her dainty white toes.
How DO people deal with all this weight?
"Wow, you're stunning," he said.
"You didn't don the crown!" Queen Booette harrumphed at him.
"Well, not yet. Was that painful at all?" queried Ganon, who just then turned at the sound of squeaking shoes to regard Peach, who'd literally just snatched up the Super Crown scroll. Before he could react, though, she lobbed the turnip right at his face.
The direct hit forced him to drop the crown on his head.
"AHHH!" Ganondorf cried in sharp agony at the pain that ensued, thus answering his own question.
"After her!" Kamek ordered the other test subjects.
Peach didn't stay to watch the transformation, nor to address the very confused Bowser Junior, who was in the process of putting two and two together with regards to his mommy, beyond one parting glance as if to say 'I'm sorry'. Peach high-tailed it out of the Lab's other exit, a high catwalk that connected to the Castle ramparts.
They can't catch me! Peach huffed and puffed. I'll burn this before they do!
A/N: Hey, thanks so much for reading! Really hope you enjoyed it! Reviews, Follows and Faves are very much appreciated, and believe me, if you're liking the story so far, you're gonna want to know when the next chapter's ready! Toodles~