There's Something About Bowsette
A/N: So, I made a couple of changes. After much internal debate, Queen Boo shall now be referred to as the more accurate Queen Booette (Princess King Boo is too much of a literal romanization of her Japanese name; it stands out to me). I also changed Peach's flats in the last chapter to boots, since I don't think she wore flats with her bike suit.
thewittywhy: I agree!
Zuskato Zyus: Thanks so much! Yeah, they definitely needed that.
S: Ohhh, I gotcha, that makes sense now! :) Hope you're enjoying the story~
JasonVUK: Haha, glad you liked it! There will be more steaminess, just not in this chapter.
Guest: Don't bleach your eyes, I don't think they've invented a way to read fanfic in braille yet, and you know you'll be back. XD
Chapter Six
The World Has Turned And Left Me Here
Thankful that she chose to wear her bike suit, Princess Peach dashed as fast she could out the large doors and across the castle wall. She could hear the ear-piercing demonic barking of Chompette, who was pursuing her with great fury and halted only when she was stopped by terrain.
Peach saw her hot air balloon clearly on the other side of Bowser's Castle. She wasn't far now… she dodged between Warp Pipes, narrowly missing the Piranha Plantette who tried and failed to bite her with her now-inefficiently human-sized mouth as she ran by.
Peach leapt over Goombette. The balloon was less than fifty feet away now; she just had to clear the last guard tower…
These Princess forms really aren't the best fighters, Peach thought as Thwompette fell from some portal spawned by Kamek and landed, ass-first, right onto Peach's face, with a loud "Guuurrmmm!"
The Princess fell flat onto the back of her skull; if she were a normal human in a normal human environment, she would certainly have suffered serious brain damage, but in this odd place, her polygonal skull's fracture healed immediately and she got away with a mild concussion.
Peach struggled to get out from beneath the Thwompette's bottom, which smelled of wet granite. Thinking fast and grabbing the Thwompette's spiked dress, Peach took a huge bite into Thwompette's crotch, prompting a squeal and a leap into the air.
"YAAAA! Pervert!" the Thwompette wailed. "I thought we were friends!"
"Friends don't sit on friends' faces!" Peach yelled as she threw Thwompette off, but the others were catching up now. She grabbed a lit torch illuminating the guard tower and held it up to the Super Crown Scroll.
"All right, get back!" she howled at the others. "I mean it!"
By this time, Ganonette had caught up with them all.
"Bah. Do what she says," he commanded, and Peach looked on in astonishment at the towering, sexy, dark-skinned Gerudo woman who was standing firmly, arms crossed, barely covered in quickly thrown together sashes made from Ganon's cape. She boasted long, fiery red hair tied back like Nabooru's, a muscular but still feminine build akin to Champion Urbosa's, and a face touched with Peach's beauty and Gerudo Chief Riju's eyes.
"Belay that!" Kamek protested. "She'll get away! We don't even know what'll happen if she destroys it!"
"Chances are, it won't do anything permanent, since it's just a copy, but there may be a major hiccup as the server seeks out the original file in the mainframe," said Ganonette, who then raised her voice to address the other Princess. "Peach, if you destroy that, we don't know what kind of effects it will have. The whole server might be reset. Important files may be corrupted. Some of us may even lose our memories when all is said and done, and you won't be stopping anything, since we can reverse-engineer these puppies!"
"I don't believe you!" she replied. "You just don't want the pain of transforming again! Now go away and let me leave!"
"We wanted to play nice, but you leave us no choice," said Ganonette, shaking her head.
Just then, Peach felt a sudden, freezing cold sensation pass through her body. Ghostly appendages fondled her breasts, and a large, long tongue licked the back of her neck, all but paralyzing her. Peach's grip on the Scroll faltered for a second - just enough time for none other than Queen Booette to snatch it through her fingers as she finished phasing through Peach's body and re-materialized into a beautiful woman with floating hair once more.
"Hey!" Peach wailed, reaching for the Scroll, but Queen Booette hovered above her with the data, and she was quickly flanked by at least a dozen loyal, rotating Boos.
"You know what your problem is, Peach?" Queen Booette taunted as she did a satisfied victory dance. "You've got no soul!"
"Great work!" Ganonette told Queen Booette. "You're free to go, Peach. Now hand me the Scroll…"
"NOT SO FAST!"
The voice was Toadette's, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Just then, a deafening screech rent the air, and all were stunned as none other than Ridley came flying down from the sky, with a small, pink rider on his back.
They all saw her now - the very angry-looking Toadette, who was hoisting one of Kamek's magical staves in one hand, and a Super Scope in the other.
"What are you doing?!" Kamek asked.
"Those crowns are my property!" Toadette stated with a freakishly evil laugh. She fired upon Kamek with the fully-charged Super Scope, sending him flying into the ground and stunning him.
Then she commanded Ridley to attack. Ridley thrashed about uncomfortably, trying at every turn to break the spell, but unable to resist the magic in Kamek's stolen staff, which was evidently being used to force him to do Toadette's bidding.
Eventually, he obeyed, spewing his plasma flames upon the crowd before dive-bombing with his claws drawn.
The poor Chompette, Thwompette, and Piranha Plantette were all roundly toasted as they fled and rolled on the ground, but Ganonette had raised her arm to summon the Dead Man's Volley and unleashed it with perfect timing at Toadette.
Ridley immediately bowled Ganonette over, but Toadette was successfully stunned and fell from Ridley's back.
Goombette, who'd escaped Ridley's fiery breath, waddled on over to attempt to subdue Toadette.
"MY CROWN!" the stunned Toadette cried like a banshee, then lunged at Goombette, who began crying in pain as Toadette punched her repeatedly in the face, much to Peach's utter shock - Toadette had always been the nicest, sweetest person in any room she'd been in. "MINE! MINE! MINE!"
"Cut it out!" Kamek said, pulling out the Desert Eagle that Bowser had given him and aiming it at Toadette.
Shaking, bloodied old hands prevented Kamek from getting a clean shot. Toadette took out Priscilla's Dagger from Dark Souls Remastered and stabbed him repeatedly in the gut until he dropped his gun and fell onto the floor twitching and spasming. She then returned to Goombette, who cried as Toadette all but choked her.
Finally, Toadette snatched the crown right off from the stunned Goombette's head, prompting the poor Goombette to scream and thrash in painful agony. She inadvertently kicked the Desert Eagle over to Peach as her body crumpled back into that of a little Goomba.
This wanton bloodlust must be caused by that cursed Super Crown, Peach thought, putting down the torch and slyly picking up the sidearm, as Toadette placed the crown on her head. The others were too busy fending off Ridley, who was now attacking wildly of his own accord, to notice Toadette's painless transformation into Peachette.
"Now that's better!" Peachette said with a triumphant smile. However, she was not satisfied, and immediately began advancing on Ganonette, who'd just launched Ridley far from the castle - and the influence of Kamek's staff - with a reversed Warlock Punch. "DIE, IMPOSTOR!"
Ganonette had no time to wonder when the usually so happy and lighthearted Toadette had become such a bloodthirsty, one-track-minded killer, since she was too busy dodging stabs and swings from Priscilla's Dagger.
"The Super Crowns are mine and mine alone!" Peachette shrieked, stabbing Ganonette in several of her vital organs.
"GAH! I… don't see your name on 'em…" Ganonette replied as she perfect-shielded a greedy slash and Flame Choke'd Peachette.
"This is madness!" Peachette wailed.
"Madness? THIS! IS! SMASH BROS.!" Ganonette replied, then kicked Peachette (forward-tilt). Peachette was hit so hard, her Super Crown flew off (and was recovered by Queen Booette).
Screaming at the top of her lungs, Toadette soared off the castle walls into the outer moat and was roasted alive in the fiery lava.
Ganonette huffed and puffed as she fell onto her butt. It was finally over.
Peach offered Ganonette a Heart Container from her hot air balloon and helped pull Ganonette to her feet. The bleeding stopped.
"Uh, thanks, Princess," Ganonette replied with a blush, but she soon saw that Peach was holding her Desert Eagle to her chest at point-blank range.
"Tell me," Peach said with barely veiled fury, "what do you plan on doing with it?"
"With what?"
"The scroll," Peach replied.
"Ah. We were just doing some experiments. Bowsette wanted to improve the Super Crown so it doesn't cause so much pain when people wear it."
"I don't believe you," said Peach.
Ganonette shrugged. Now was as good of a time as any to come clean. "Eh, you'll probably figure it out sooner or later, so what the hell. We're gonna sell the modified crowns."
"SELL THEM?!"
"Yeah. Got a problem with that?"
Peach was thoughtful. "After seeing what they did to Toadette just now?! How could you even think of inflicting—"
"Like I said, we're working on it... we're confident we can iron out the bugs. This is just our first night and we've already made a lot of progress."
"PROGRESS?!" Peach raised her arms as if to point out all the collateral damage in the form of the twitching, burning bodies that had now disappeared and were scheduled to respawn within the next few minutes. "What you call progress, I call unnatural. This isn't what Nintendo intended!"
Ganonette chuckled. "Heh. But Nintendo is just a company run by people, isn't it? And who made the people that run that company? Do not we all - digital beings, fleshbag humans - fall under the eye of some Creator beyond our ken? If we can't see past our own programming, how can we begin to say we know what the Creator wants, or doesn't want?"
"It's not that complicated; it's about the choices we make. The heart knows, deep down, what's right and what's wrong," said Peach. "Natural Law can help us figure that out. And let me tell you, nothing about what that… accursed Super Crown does is sustainable or natural."
"You think human hearts can know truth, eh? Explain to me why they're capable of such terrible atrocities as full-scale war, then," said Ganonette.
"Don't give me that, Ganon. Wars are started and maintained by the elite few who profit off of them," Peach retorted.
"Yeah, Ganon. You of all people should know that," said Princess Zelda, who'd arrived, along with Snake, Samus, and Link, rather late to the scene on Samus' Hunter-class gunship.
"Job offer still open, Peach?" Snake asked.
Peach was immensely relieved. "Oh! How did you all find me?"
"Samus and Snake couldn't reach your phone, so they called me," said Zelda. "Link and I saw your balloon at the castle from the Smashgrounds and were wondering what was up."
Link blinked in surprise at seeing the barely-clothed figure of Ganonette. "Uh, Ganon...? What happened to you?!"
"Long story," said Ganonette, who was embarrassed by all the stares she was on the receiving end of and longed to return to the debate. "But we're off topic. Peach, having said all that about the elites, you have to admit that there's a lot of darkness at the heart of every person. It's human nature."
"Human nature, heh," said Snake. "'A buzzword that doesn't mean anything. That there have been indigenous peoples like the Tara Humara, Dogon people, or Ladakh living in sustainable peace for thousands of years without war or strife should tell you something - that modern human civilization has been twisted to evil thoughts and deeds, and on the whole, people are as unhappy as they've ever been."
"Better existential crises than physical ones," said Ganonette.
"Except it is a physical one," Zelda argued. "The world is falling apart and species are going extinct at a record pace while people are lost in their phones."
Are we just not going to talk about the fact that Ganondorf and King Boo are scantily-clad women now?! wondered Samus, exasperated.
"Hehehe. Well, you may be right about that," said Queen Booette, "but look at it this way. If there is a God, and that God truly is Omnipresent and Omniscient, then what can be done against God's will? If the humans fall into debauchery and destroy each other, is that not also God's will?"
"That's an un-winnable argument," Zelda addressed her. "You can use that reasoning to justify just about anything."
"But it's comforting, isn't it?" Queen Booette replied. "At the end of the chess game, the Kings and Pawns all return to the same box."
"C'mon, Princesses!" Ganonette whined. "Don't you all understand how capitalism works?"
"We do, and that's why we're against everything you're doing," said Samus. "All you're doing is preying on people's insecurities for a quick buck."
"We're offering them a choice! Protest all you like. The Super Crowns will be forged, and the market will decide," Ganonette addressed her with finality, then attempted to turn around dramatically as the resurrected Kamek, Chompette, Piranha Plantette and Thwompette ran back onto the castle walls to back him up, now flanked by many dozens of Bowser's minions.
"Sweet dreams, Princess of Darkness," Snake said, then attempted to snap Ganonette's neck. However, her neck was so strong that all Snake could do was make her look to the left really quickly, inadvertently fixing a crick in her back.
"WHOA," said Ganonette. "That actually felt really good. Can you do the other side?"
Snake snapped her neck in the opposite direction.
Ganonette made a sound of ultimate contentment. "Damn, Snake... thanks."
"Uh, you're welcome," replied Snake, who was utterly confused.
"Now kindly fuck off back to where y'all came from," said Ganonette. "There's science to be done."
Peach lowered her pistol. The others looked at one another, then gauged the power of the forces before them, each asking the others whether or not this was worth the fight. Kamek was back and ready to fight once again with two other Magikoopas and several Lakitus flanking him. Queen Booette had the Super Crown's source code, an army of Boos, and could phase through walls, Ganonette was apparently invincible, Chompette looked ready to tear them into pieces, and they could all just take this up with Mr. Sakurai's Mii during lunch the next day.
At that moment, a Dry Bones walked on up to Ganonette with the Able Sisters' completed outfit. It was a two-piece set, lavishly decorated in the Gerudo fashion.
"That's quite revealing," she said with a note of disapproval. "But whatever. Look away."
And so they all did while she quickly changed.
I wasn't sure I believed in God until today, Link thought, sneaking a glimpse at Ganon's booty, much to Zelda's chagrin.
"Safe!" Ganonette finally announced, and all present proceeded to stare at her magnificent getup. The sun was rising now in the east, and its first rays had caught the gold trim highlighting her radiant outfit. "You like?"
Link's and Snake's lustful expressions said it all. Samus pinched Snake's ear and silently dragged him back to her gunship.
"Those Able Sisters work fast," Zelda said, then noticing Peach trying to sneak off to her hot air balloon, ran to catch up with her friend.
"Where are you going?" she asked Peach, who was shimmying the Desert Eagle into her belt buckle.
"I… just need to confirm something," Peach told her. "Do me a favor, Zellie."
"Anything," Zelda assured her bestie.
"Watch over Bowser Junior, will you? He's not doing too well."
Zelda nodded. "I'll try, but I'm not the best babysitter."
Bowser Junior was sulking in the corner of Kamek's Lab, which had been all but abandoned in the general chaos. He'd been there since he'd seen King Boo and Ganondorf transform, and was going over the conversation he'd had with his mommy just a few hours prior.
Why would daddy lie to me like that? Why?! It's like he enjoys hurting me.
He wished someone, anyone, would come and listen to his woes.
So he was rather surprised when none other than Princess Zelda called out his name.
"Bowser Junior?" she said in a soft and pleasant voice. "Junior, where are you?"
"I'm here," he said, grumbling.
Zelda walked on over to where the kid was curled up into himself. Link followed, hanging back just far enough to hear what was going on.
"There you are!"
"Yep."
She took a seat beside him. "How's it going?" she asked.
"Eh."
"Not so well, huh? I understand."
"No, you don't!"
"You're right… I don't. Would you want to talk about it at all?"
Junior just shook his head vigorously.
"Did you want me to read you a story?"
Bowser Junior just fell into her lap and began bawling his eyes out.
"Princess Zelda… I… think my daddy just became my mommy…"
"There, there," Zelda comforted him awkwardly. "It's… it'll be all right, kiddo."
"How do you know that?" Junior cried. "Can you see the future? Do you know what's gonna happen? What if daddy meets someone he likes while he's a mommy? And what if they get married? What'll happen to me then?!"
"I'm sure your daddy loves you and will never let you suffer, not long, and not needlessly."
"No, you're wrong. My daddy's full of stinky kimchi poop and he doesn't want me," Junior mumbled under his breath.
"What did you say?" Zelda challenged him. "That's no way to talk about your father."
"I guess not," Junior replied, but didn't really mean it. It felt good to say what he said, and he longed to find someone else, someone who'd actually listen to the worst he could say without telling him how to think. "Can you take me to my room? I wanna be put to bed."
What the hell? Zelda wondered, checking Link's expression to see her own confusion reflected in it. Why is he acting like a spoiled toddler? Is he always like this when he's alone?
"Uh, sure," she said. "Come on, Junior…"
Peach left the castle in a very thoughtful mood.
Sipping some tea while leaning on her basket and gazing out at the sun rising over the ocean, she forced herself to picture what a world filled with -ettes would be like.
Super Crowned Inkling boys and girls alike would be taking group selfies and making dumb faces. It would be like that dumb Peach Rabbid all over again, just on a massive scale.
Tabloids would be filled with new and random crack-pairings.
Isabellette, Lucarioette, Yoshiette, and Foxette would become immediate furry bait.
Wii Fit Trainerette would be teaching classes full of women who shared her face and hairstyle.
Then, of course, it would all come tumbling down as everyone began to go mad with desire and vanity, and the careful fabric of the Smashgrounds would tear apart at the seams.
She, Peach, would simply be the latest fad in an endless train of fashions to go in and out of style, and once everyone was sick of being Peach, they'd all move on, and she'd be stuck with her same old, boring character design, and everyone would be so sick of her that they wouldn't even be able to look at her anymore for all the negative associations she'd bring to mind. She'd lose her friends, and her fans, and what little relevance she'd been trying so desperately to cultivate within the strict limits Nintendo had set for her.
The very thought made her sick.
As the sun continued to climb, Peach changed from the burned and scuffed bike suit to the dress she kept stashed in her balloon; it was her more traditional Super Mario Bros. look.
Peach took her balloon far off the Smashgrounds server, into an outbound portal to the Super Mario Sunshine server, and then onwards to Sirena Beach. She set her balloon down behind the hotel and was about to sneak inside when who else should accost her but her trusty old servant, Toadsworth, who was apparently on vacation.
"Princess! Princess, before you enter, please, a word!"
Peach turned absent-mindedly to Toadsworth. "Yes? Make it quick."
He groveled and bowed. "Ah, Your Majesty… you don't know what evils I've had to witness…"
"I can imagine. They're in there, aren't they?" she asked.
"Yes, but… hear me out… do you remember the Forget-Me-Gun?"
It took a minute, but Peach was able to recall it. During a monthly meeting half a year ago, they had decided to make a device that could effectively reset specific sets of memories, to be used in case of emergencies or to negate the effects of serious trauma. It was to be called the Forget-Me-Gun, and it fired Mind Bullets that cut directly into a digital being's memory banks and erased certain subsets of data.
"Yes," Peach answered him. "Yes, I remember. Why?"
"Well… you might be interested to know that I have the very first prototype with me right here. It's against the rules to lend this out without the approval of Senior Nintendo staff, but I'm sure you'll agree that this has to end…"
Toadsworth brought out a rather large rifle. It resembled Splatoon's odd-looking Bamboozler, except it had a hastily-glued on LED display.
"Here, you can select the range of dates and times you wish to erase."
Peach nodded dutifully even as she unsteadily took the weapon in hand.
If she wanted to do this right, she'd have to go at least two days back for both of them, to before the Odyssey incident. It was the only way to be sure.
She inputted the parameters into the Forget-Me-Gun, strapped the weapon to her person, took a deep breath, and marched towards the hotel.
"Thank you, Toadsworth."
"Don't thank me yet," he said. "Let's end this nightmare once and for all."
"Right. But stay here," she told him in monotone.
With her breath drawn close, she let the Piantas open the door for her and, resolved to put an end to this insanity, marched fearlessly into the Hotel Delfino.
Toadette respawned by awakening in a cold sweat in her small apartment in the Tomodachi Life complex. A light ocean rain was falling over the building and the air was humid, but not unpleasant.
"Was that real? Did that really just happen?" she whispered to herself.
There was a knock on her door.
She ambled out of bed, groggy, and opened it. It was none other than the Mii of Mr. Masahiro Sakurai himself, but he didn't look very happy.
"Toadette?" asked Mr. Sakurai.
"Oh, hi," she said without her usual gusto.
"Mind if I come in?"
"Be my guest," she said, then returned to her little kitchenette and began to boil some tea. "Have a seat!"
Mr. Sakurai couldn't drink digital tea, but he had a seat anyway. He withdrew his own Forget-Me-Gun prototype and placed it on the table. This did not go unnoticed.
Toadette quietly turned off the gas and sat down across from him.
"So that's how it is," she said.
"That's how it is," he confirmed with sad finality.
She tried not to cry. "It's probably better this way."
"It'll be easier on you if you're lying down," said Mr. Sakurai.
Toadette walked on over to her bed, where she took one last look at the framed photograph of herself as Peachette.
I got to be a Princess for a while, she thought. I can at least be grateful for that.
"Any last requests?" he asked.
"How far back are you going to go?" she asked.
"A few weeks."
Toadette nodded sadly. "I don't suppose I can keep my dreams."
"Sorry. No can do."
"I understand," she said through tears. "Do it."
Mr. Sakurai's Mii took aim and pulled the trigger.
Anyone watching the Tomodachi Life complex would have seen, from outside Toadette's window, a sudden flash of light.
The fungal being fell into a prolonged sleep as her memory cache was being rebuilt from the ground-up.
Mr. Sakurai sighed, pocketed the gun, and left the apartment. Outside, several Toads, who were choking back tears, were waiting to take her back to the Super Mario Odyssey server, and to protect her from knowledge of the Super Crown. They moved swiftly, so as to complete the operation before she regained consciousness.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Hope you all enjoyed this more serious and grounded chapter! Faves, Follows, and Reviews really keep me going, so please let me know what you liked or didn't like! The next few updates may be shorter in nature, since I'll be going out of state on Tuesday to propose to my girlfriend. ^_^;; Wish me luck! Don't worry about her, she knows about this fanfic and is even helping me write it, hehe.