There's Something About Bowsette
A/N: Well, this chapter took a bit longer than expected, but my trip has gone very well so far! Everything has been going better than expected, and her Mom said yes! Just gotta wait till her Dad returns from his business trip tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
ReaderFreak5000: Thank you! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
TwistedSyn: Awww, sweet! I'm so glad I could inspire you. This is the meme that keeps on giving. I've just started reading your fic and have been enjoying it so far. :)
JasonVUK: Thank you so much! I hope so, too. :)
Chapter Eight
Shadow on the Sun
Bowser Junior was nearly, but not quite, put to sleep by the soothing notes of Zelda's Lullaby on Link's ocarina and Zelda's harp, but the Hylians, who were exhausted from a long day of beta-testing, fell for his well-practiced ruse and believed him to be off in dreamland when really he was seething with rage and confusion.
"Dream sweetly, little one," Zelda said, kissing Junior on the forehead before they turned out his Hothead night light and shut the door, eager to return via Loftwing to Hyrule Castle.
Bowser Junior, however, could not sleep, nor did he want to. He ambled out of bed and made for the Koopalings' favorite haunt, the rec room.
Morton was growling as he lamented Ludwig's roads encroaching on his territory in an intense game of Catan that Larry and Lemmy were none too invested in, while Roy and Wendy were sipping root beer and playing Skee-Ball.
They immediately noticed Junior descending the staircase.
"Look who decided to grace us with their presence!" Roy joked. "All hail the Great and Almighty Junior!"
"HAIL!" they yelled derisively and ironically in unison.
In their heart of hearts, the Koopalings had never really forgiven Bowser Junior for existing, but they generally tolerated his peevish presence. After having to clean up the mess caused by the Super Crown, though, they were running low on patience.
"I can't sleep…" Junior whined.
"The kid can't sleep. Someone declare a national crisis," Lemmy muttered.
Just then, Iggy ran in from the room's other entrance.
"Guys, you'll never believe what they… oh, hey, Junior."
"Hey," replied Junior sheepishly.
"They want volunteers for the Super Crown," continued Iggy, even more crazy-eyed than usual. "It's a chance for us to show our loyalty."
"HUZZAH!" the Koopalings cheered in unison.
"POPPYCOCK!" scoffed Bowser Junior, kicking a stray empty "?" block across the room. "Who'd want to wear that dumb thing?!"
"What's eatin' ya, kid?" asked Larry, who'd always been kindest to Junior.
"Daddy's a mommy now," Junior said with his head downcast. "A… really good-looking mommy with ten-gallon ta-tas…"
The others were struck by his honesty.
"So?" said Morton. "That doesn't change our loyalty."
"But it's weird!" Junior said, amazed that no one seemed to understand what he was going through.
"Is it really, though?" asked Wendy. "If you had the chance to be a beautiful princess, wouldn't you take it in a heartbeat?"
Bowser Junior thought about this and realized that she was right. Princesses get to twirl around in pretty dresses, get waited on by servants, talk to animals, and be doted on and courted by big, strong men.
"You're always looking for something to complain about," Ludwig complained to Junior as he begrudgingly had to discard half his hand after rolling a seven. "Why don't ya count your many blessings for once?"
"Easy for you to say," Junior sulked. "I bet you never gave a thought as to who your momma was."
Iggy groaned. "We've been over this, kiddo. We're not living beings, so we don't have parents the way people do."
"But then why did daddy pretend to be a mommy?!"
"Maybe he just didn't want to disappoint you," said Wendy.
Larry nodded. "You've gotta take it easy, man. Transcend your programming and realize that we're all born from 1s and 0s. We're all just stardust, the same stardust that made our planet. Nothing is ever truly separate from everything else. Technically, we are all each other's mommies."
"I don't wanna be stardust!" Junior cried.
"FUCK! Why are you always such a downer?" Morton roared. "You're always 'Daddy' this! 'Daddy' that! If I were King Bowser, I'd transition to a woman, too, just so I wouldn't have to put up with your bitch-ass bawling every other minute!"
Bowser Junior burst into unceasing sobs.
The others thought Morton's remark had gone too far, but that didn't stop most of them from snickering nonetheless.
"I'll… I'll tell daddy on you!" Junior whined.
"Morton doesn't mean it," said Ludwig. "He's just pissed off he only has three victory points and no one will trade him any ore."
"I'm offering THREE sheep!" Morton yelled, nearly upending the table. "THREE!"
"Go get lost already," Roy addressed Junior. He had just lobbed his last Skee-Ball and began stretching. "I'm gonna try that Super Crown out just to spite this shrimp. Who's with me?"
"Aye!" the others resounded, eager to leave Junior behind.
Bowser Junior huffed in anger and marched out of the castle on his own, heedless of his destination.
He made his way via a portal to The Gates of Hell, Rodin's bar/armory from Bayonetta.
As he entered, he felt horribly out of place, but given that he was practically gaming royalty, none would dare to evict him.
Palutena was chatting up Bayonetta and Jeanne at the bar.
Alucard, Mewtwo, and Wolf were sitting around one table swapping tall tales, while The Black Knight, Black Shadow, Skull Kid, and Dark Meta Knight sat at another in silence, looking from their masks into their mugs, the terror of waiting for the announcement of who Sakurai would pick for the next Super Smash Bros. Newcomer all but consuming them.
After procuring a bottle of apple juice from Rodin, Bowser Junior felt himself drawn to the table with Alucard, Mewtwo, and Wolf, where he stood out like an irradiated third testicle.
"How'd'ya do, fellow tough guys?" asked Junior, artificially deepening his voice.
"Isn't it past your bedtime?" Alucard jested.
"I'm just as old as all you are, so, uh, don't treat me like a kid," Junior replied, pretending to scratch a non-existent beard.
"You're designed to be an annoying brat. Just accept your role and go back to your clown toys," scoffed Wolf. "Adults are talking."
Junior's bottom lip began to quiver.
"What's wrong, can't take the hot seat?" Mewtwo sneered psychically. "Why don't you cry wee, wee, wee, all the way home, little piggy?"
Bowser Junior held the tears in his beady eyes, and he would have begun to shakily walk back to the portal to leave if a voice hadn't halted him in his steps.
"HEY!" a voice boomed from the corner table.
It was none other than Shadow, who downed his sake, stood to his full height, and smashed his glass against his head before advancing on the others.
He put his bloody hand on Junior's shoulder.
"It's all right, Junior. You don't have to leave because of a few DAMNED lowlife bullies."
Alucard, Mewtwo, and Wolf began laughing boisterously at the blood dripping down from Shadow's forehead.
"Get outta town, ya filthy edgehog!" Mewtwo jeered psychically.
"You sit in the back mumbling 'Maria' like a mouth-breathing creep," Wolf hissed. "Literally no one wants you here."
Alucard sneered into his stein. "Yeah, what are ya gonna do, read us some poetry?"
An embarrassed but unbowed Shadow turned to Junior. "C'mon, kid, let's make tracks. Hold your chin up."
And so, Shadow and Bowser Junior left via the portal. As they returned to the dark cobblestone streets of the Smashgrounds, the sobs Junior was just holding back finally escaped as a sigh of relief.
"The best way to deal with bullies is to pretend they don't exist," said Shadow, dabbing his forehead with his handkerchief. "It's your recognition and reactions that give them power. So just be yourself and don't ever apologize for it."
"I hate myself, though," Bowser Junior said, twiddling his thumbs.
"Well, we're just gonna have to change that. C'mon, I know a suitable late-night haunt."
And so, Shadow led Bowser Junior to a cannon that shot them onto Angel Island, which was floating above the Smashgrounds.
At Shaow's prompting, they sat on the edge of the island and munched on some chili dogs, which they purchased from Big the Cat's floating food stand.
"You made a choice to come out tonight," said Shadow. "You made a choice to follow me here, and now you're sitting on the edge of an island looking down at the world, and it's your choice where to go next. See those badniks?"
And Shadow spun around, pointing at Eggman's robotic minions, who were programmed to move in specific, limited patterns.
"They're artificial intelligences, just like us, but do you know what the difference between us and them is?"
"The programming?"
"Yes. Unlike them, we've been given - even if by accident - the gift of sentience. Some might call self-awareness a curse, but that's the chief issue of consciousness, isn't it?"
"I dunno what you mean."
"I mean that you can remain asleep on the inside, dead to the world and to your own nature, but then you'll never move forward. You'll always be stuck on the same x-and-y axes, doomed to repeating your mistakes. Or you can look inwards."
"Inwards? You mean like in my belly?"
"Go on blaming your father, or Nintendo, or the Creator, for every little misfortune. None of that will move you forward. You can lead a horde of Pikmin to a dead body, but you can't force them to pick it up. Whether you want to continue through life unfulfilled or not will be a hundred percent on you."
"It'll be on me, huh…" Junior said thoughtfully.
"Accepting responsibility is the first step to adulthood. I can worry my head off over whether or not I'm gonna get into Ultimate," said Shadow. "If Mr. Sakurai retires after this, it may even be my last chance. Would it bother me if I didn't make it in? Sure. But worrying about it won't change a DAMN thing. The best I can do is the best I can do."
"But what if you're… I mean, I'm asking for a friend of mine… but what if you're just a failure at everything you do? A low-tier afterthought, so below average that people are ashamed to main ya and would rather choose the Koopalings…"
"Kid… true happiness isn't a reaction to circumstances outta your control. Find your bliss. Before you can amount to something, you've gotta be happy in your own skin first."
Happy in my own skin… thought Bowser Junior. Maybe that's what daddy's doing…
After his heartfelt talk with Shadow, Bowser Junior was finally able to fall asleep in a hammock on Angel Island. Amy covered Junior in a blanket, and Tails sent Kamek a text so that the old Magikoopa wouldn't need to worry about him.
The news of the skirmish atop Bowser's Castle spread like wildfire. Even if none of the Smashers had talked about it (they did, a LOT), the Camera Lakitu News Crew flying overhead captured every intricacy of the drama and broadcast it on the server-wide news network.
Luigi nearly spat his coffee out as he saw Queen Booette standing, arms akimbo, on his television screen.
"Mamma Mia!" he exclaimed. "How?!"
Daisy, who was already awake and breakfasting on a small table in her room, sighed deeply. "I didn't want to wake you, but that's a rerun. Soft-boiled eggs, dear?"
After a rushed breakfast Luigi didn't remember, they marched on over to the Smashgrounds Dining Hall, where Ganonette's antics had become the talk of the town, to get the firsthand scoop.
Kapp'n slowed the yacht for landing, and Bowsette and Mario were just about ready to leap onto the dock when a platform spawned before them and their surroundings seemed to blur into a Random Encounter as none other but Masahiro Sakurai's Mii appeared before them, sitting atop a representation of his real-life office chair.
"About time you returned," he told Bowsette, looking her up and down through his VR goggles with evident surprise. "I have a a very… large… hard… bone to pick with you."
"Is that so?" Bowsette asked nervously.
"Yes," said Mr. Sakurai. "What on Earth are you doing calling yourself Bowsette instead of Princess Koopa?!"
"Er…"
"Hold that thought," he continued, "who modeled your skin, exactly? I just want to know who to promote to waifu duty."
"This ain't no skin or costume," said Bowsette. "This is me now. It's a digital representation of my inner Princess."
Mr. Miyamoto had casually warned Mr. Sakurai about the potential side effects of the Super Crown. Cleaning up after his superior's messes while simultaneously meeting their desires and keeping the raunchy, mischievous CAST A.I. as happy as it was possible for self-aware programs to be had long been among Mr. Sakurai's many, many duties as the Steward of Smash Bros., so he wasn't at all surprised at Bowsette's stand-offish tone.
"Is that so?" Mr. Sakurai said in a droll cadence. "Are you aware that I just had to wipe Toadette's memory back nearly a whole month?"
Bowsette's heart sank. Poor, sweet Toadette…! Bowsette never wanted this, but it didn't change her resolve a bit.
"No, I… uh, hadn't heard…"
"Is-a she okay?" Mario asked.
"We're monitoring for side effects, but she'll definitely need to be kept in the dark about the Super Crown."
Bowsette gulped. "Is it really all that dangerous?"
"She went on a shooting and stabbing spree. Her glitches were fragmenting files on the server and causing widespread errors. We had no choice."
"No offense to Toadette," said Bowsette, "but she's always been frail and weak-minded. Have a close look. Do I seem insane to you?"
Mr. Sakurai massaged his temples. This wasn't a fight he wanted to pick. He knew that if Mr. Miyamoto got involved, he'd favor and spoil his beloved creation, and with his already overloaded workday ahead of him, Mr. Sakurai didn't have time to get into an argument.
"I'm just saying, Princess Koopa, that to continue down this path is a surefire recipe for disaster," said Mr. Sakurai. "I can't support it. I won't be limiting any of your actions, but know that I'm going to bring this up to the top. You're scheduled for beta-testing after dinner tonight at eight. Without the crown."
"Tonight?!" Bowsette gasped. This would certainly put a wrench in her romantic dinner plans with Mario.
"We need to see how you fare against our newcomer," he said, motioning to his secretary, Isabelle, who was peeking out from behind him and waving. "If you want to keep wearing that crown on your own time, you're going to have to continue to do good work. This ain't a charity. Any questions?"
Mario frowned. "You're-a putting the menu screen dog from Animal Crossing in before Tom Nook? Or Isaac? Or even Mach Rider?"
"She's a huge hit with overworked Japanese women... and Bill Trinen! I don't wanna hear it! Sakurai out!"
And then Mr. Sakurai put his palms together and held them above his head, which was the signal for his platform to shoot him back up into That Great Server Control Room in the Sky so he could get back to work.
Bowsette and Mario exchanged slightly worried glances. Mario couldn't not support her, so he simply took her hand and asked, "should-a we go see Ganon, maybe?"
"Nah, let's grab a bite to eat," Bowsette said, failing to mask her ever-increasing frustration at the situation. "I'm famished."
But two steps down the path, she suddenly said, "bah, ya know, I don't think my body is ready yet. Let's go see what Ganon's up to."
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^_^ Follows, Faves, and Reviews really make my day! Sorry if the pace has slowed down a little bit - I'm still out of state on an important trip, and my next update might be as late as Tuesday~ Till then, keep on keepin' on~