Note: I wasn't gonna write a one-shot for Valentine's Day. But then I figured... why not? And then I kinda wrote this silly nonsense, but THEN. Oh, then... I wrote something, I dunno, worse? Is it worse? I'm not sure. But that second, probably worse (?) and definitely longer fic is now gonna be the one I put up for Valentine's Day. And this is just whatever it is.

It's also unrelated to my other works.

Semantics

"Yuy! Maxwell! Explain yourselves!"

For what felt like a long moment no one moved or said a word, which was awkward given the way Duo and Heero were wrapped around each other in Duo's car, with all their friends surrounding them and staring. At least they were fully clothed. Disheveled, but clothed.

Slowly, Heero reached for the controls and lowered the driver's window. He did not disentangle himself from Duo, and they remained laying together across the front seat with Duo's back to the driver's door and Heero leaning over him between his legs.

"We were enjoying a moment to ourselves, thank you. Explain yourselves."

Sally smiled at Heero's devastatingly cool demeanor as he replied with complete nonchalance. Trowa smirked. Wufei and Quatre got angry, and yelled at the same time, speaking over each other.

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Just admit you're dating!"

With the window now open, Duo leaned his head backwards and out of the parked vehicle to give his friends an upside-down glare. The sight made Trowa shake as he brought up a hand and stifled a laugh. Right side up Duo would appear very much over the subject, but upside-down he just looked silly.

"We aren't dating. How many times do we have to tell you that?"

Again, their friends spoke over each other.

"So you're just hooking up?"

"You're obviously together!"

After sharing a glance, Duo and Heero moved to sit properly in the car. Heero pulled back and Duo swung his legs around to land his feet on the vehicle's floor. Then, as though it was the most casual thing in the world, Heero slid up beside him and put an arm around Duo's shoulders. Sally noted to herself that this must be why Duo searched for and installed a bench seat in his car. She also made note never to sit in the front of that vehicle again unless it was recently detailed. Who knew what those two did in the front seat when they weren't caught in the act?

"Rude, dontcha think?" Duo turned to Heero with a grin. "They really think we're just hookin up? When'd we ever indicate that?"

Heero had eyes only for Duo, and paid no mind to their friends.

"It is rude, isn't it? And here I thought Quatre was raised with proper manners."

The blonde man became incised.

"So you ARE dating!"

Heero broke eye contact with Duo to glare at him.

"No, we aren't."

"Well why the hell not?" They all turned to look at Wufei. The surprise on his face, and the hurt, shone brightly as he looked at the others standing outside the vehicle. "What? They clearly ought to be in a relationship!" He turned dark eyes to his friends in the car. "And here they are, sneaking around for who knows how long, behind all our backs! Duo. You're my brother in all but blood, and I want you to be happy. I've been waiting for you to be happy! We've all been waiting years for the two of you to do the obvious thing and get together. How could you keep this from me? Aren't we family?"

Quatre chimed in next, his eye aflame.

"If you're not dating, and you're not hooking up, what the hell are you doing?"

Before Duo could answer he felt Heero's hand squeeze his shoulder and bring him a little closer to his side. He recognized the gesture and kept quiet, knowing this was a question Heero wanted to answer himself in his measured and neutral tone.

"Quatre, please name all the acceptable relationship statuses you have in mind for us. For whatever reason you don't approve of us hooking up, which I assume would be friends with benefits. It's very strange of you—"

"I'm not being weird! You must know why—"

"—to insist we are dating, which we are not, while refusing to accept our words as the truth. So what other options are floating around in your head to explain us? Enlighten me. If we're not hooking up and we're not dating, what are we?"

Quatre's face scrunched up.

"What are you getting at?"

Sally, clearly amused, took this as her cue to chime in.

"If you're not dating, and not hooking up, and are very obviously" she gestured to them "involved, you maybe you're engaged." Her eyes lit up. "Or married!"

Heero pointed to her, then touched his finger to his nose. It was a very Duo-like move, and indicated just how much the former Deathscythe pilot's mannerisms rubbed off on him. It also caused their entire friend group to go completely silent before erupting in an overlaying mix of words, spoken and yelled with various emotion.

"You're what?"

"When the hell did this happen?"

"Congrats!"

"Oh you fucking bastards how could you?"

Quatre's more vulgar comment caused Duo to grin like a madman. It was precisely the response he was hoping for when he and Heero decided it was time to just let the cat out of the bag. They didn't originally intend to get caught fooling around, but things were going quite well. He asked, in his sweetest and most innocent voice, "You gotta problem with our engagement?"

"No!" Quatre's posture straightened. He had all the air of triumph around himself, an absolute certainty of his own victory. "No problem at all, because to get engaged or married you needed to date first! How long have you two been together?"

It was Duo and Heero's turn to talk over one another.

"Little over 3 years."

"Three years, 5 months, and 16 days."

Violet eyes turned to look into blue, and Duo's surprise quickly shifted into something else. Something very turned on.

"Fuuuuuuuuck. That brain of yours is sexy, Ro."

Quatre reached into the car and snapped his fingers in front of Duo's face. It had his intended effect and not only got his friend's attention, but incurred his anger, too. Duo was back to glaring at him. Right side up it did actually look threatening.

"Three years and any months means you two definitely were dating within the time frame of the bet!" Quatre turned to Trowa, certain victory was his. "Pay up, Barton!"

Sally leaned towards Wufei and loudly declared "Ooooh somebody's in trouble!"

For her comment, Wufei smacked her in the arm. He didn't want Sally to make the situation worse. Duo and Heero were angry, Quatre was both angry and full of himself, Trowa looked... the same as always, but he must be at least annoyed. But then he got a second look at his two friends still sitting in the car, and they didn't look angry at all. They looked... pleased. In unison the two of them yelled, and Wufei couldn't help but laugh.

"We were never dating!"

Everyone saw the tension build in Quatre as he turned around.

"I no longer need you to admit it out loud, all the evidence is there. I won the bet."

Heero glared at him and Trowa could tell he meant business. Something was about to go down, and he was more than happy to be present to witness whatever happened. After all, Heero was his closest friend, his partner at Preventers, and one of the only people he fully enjoyed watching get the upper hand on his fiance. Sure, when Duo or Wufei managed it there was always fun to be had, but Heero? The man had a way of getting under Quatre's skin. And it was made all the better because of their strong friendship. Heero was loyal to him over Quatre every day of the week.

"Do you remember," Heero began, "shortly after you and Trowa got engaged, when you decided to mercilessly insist Duo and I were next even though we weren't seeing each other and had not yet expressed interest in each other? How confident you were that we would soon start dating?"

Quatre was fuming, and very much looked like he thought his time was being wasted and his victory delayed.

"Of course I do! That's when the bet happened!"

"Do you recall how I asked later that same afternoon if you and Trowa were still dating?"

The blonde man froze and stared at him.

"What of it?"

"You told me that once two people get engaged, they can't be dating anymore. Just like a married couple, they can go on dates, but they're not dating anymore."

"What... exactly... Does that have to do with anything?"

Duo shifted in his seat to better face Quatre. Heero mirrored his position, then leaned forward into Duo, laying his chin on the other man's shoulder and wrapping his arms around him. Something about their new position screamed that they were going to strike a final blow. They didn't look menacing so much as a united force.

"Quat, buddy, pal, that was your undoing!"

"What?!"

"You're not the only one who's gotta strategic brain in his head. Ro got that information from ya, and approached me to discuss our options."

"What do you mean you discuss your options?"

Heero smirked.

"You weren't wrong. We were obviously heading in the direction of dating and it was long past time to do something about it."

Duo nodded.

"But I wasn't about to let my partner lose a bet when I had control over the outcome."

"Damn right! Well said! No bets at the expense of our love lives!"

Heero's gaze became intense, his smile devilish. Trowa watched, and sensed the killing blow was upon them.

"So we decided to get engaged."

"Yep! Totally got engaged."

Trowa joined everyone in asking a unanimous "What?" because even he didn't quite expect that answer. Duo grinned from ear to ear, enjoying their reactions. There was pure joy in his voice when he continued where they left off.

"You heard us right. We got engaged three years five months and...?"

"Sixteen days."

"Right! Sixteen days ago!" His voice dropped as he added, "Thank you, Heero. Your memory is amazing."

Sally notice how Quatre turned red. After years of him insisting Duo and Heero would become a couple next, after all the times he grilled them and insisted they must be dating, it was nice to see him so flustered. Because Quatre took things too far. As amusing as his questions were at the beginning, even she felt bad for her friends as their every move was scrutinized. If they so much as had a working lunch together, Quatre would declare it a date. He pointed out the time they spent together, the familiarity of their relationship, every little thing he could find to prove they were secretly into each other. If they didn't actually have mutual feelings, the way he hounded them might have torn their friendship apart.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"It should be obvious to a man of your intellect, Quatre." Heero looked calm and centered. "To skip dating."

"No way. No way! You're lying!"

Duo rolled his eyes.

"Do I lie?"

Everything clicked into place for Quatre.

"Oh. My god."

Heero whispered into Duo's ear, loud enough for the others to hear, "I think he's getting it now, Love."

Duo leaned into him, looking content as a cat in the sun. He turned his head and outright nuzzled Heero. The affection, and how Heero welcomed it, was a little shocking. Even knowing they must be together, even after everyone left their brunch to investigate why Duo's car was parked outside and yet he never made it inside, they didn't expect anything they'd yet encountered.

"Gonna haveta give him a minute, Cariño. Even a smart man occasionally needs time to catch up."

"No! No, I refuse to accept this!" Quatre pointed an accusatory finger at them. "It's a sham engagement if you have no intention of getting married! I still won the bet, because you're dating!"

"Check your mail before you declare victory."

Quatre blanched.

"What?"

"Your mail. Check it. The box is right over there." Heero didn't loosen his grip around Duo, and instead nodded in the direction of an unassuming box covered in ivy. "We were told paper invitations are classier than email, and since neither of us particularly care about a traditional ceremony we thought the least we could do is send a more upscale invite to make it official."

Without waiting to hear another word Quatre bolted to the mailbox in his driveway. Inside he found a simple white envelope with gold trim. Disbelief ran through him, and he opened it up to find a black card inside with beautiful gold script in English and Japanese.

"What the hell is this?"

Heero sounded like he was giving simple answers to an idiot when he replied.

"Our wedding invitation."

"Is this a joke?"

"Everyone else got them, so... No? I don't think it's a joke." Duo turned his head towards Heero once again. "You think it's a joke, Ro?"

"No, Duo. I would never joke about my feelings for you."

"Aw, thanks, Babe."

"Any time, Love."

Quatre wasn't buying their act.

"You're getting married to make me lose a bet?"

Heero shot an unreadable look at his friend.

"Don't be so self-centered. We're getting married for the legal benefits."

"And a discount on ramen, Babe."

"Yes, that, too."

"RAMEN?"

They had everyone's attention and Duo was visibly relishing it. Chaos danced in his eyes.

"Yeah, there's this ramen joint Heero loves—"

"You love it too."

Duo frowned a little and turned until he was out of Heero's arms to face him better. Heero didn't stop him, but slid one of his hands from its embrace around his partner until ended up wrapped around Duo's braid. He patiently awaited a reply.

"Kinda? Don't conflate my love for you with your love for ramen. I hate to tell ya this, but I really like maybe three dishes there. What I love is seeing you happy." Duo smiled softly at Heero, who in return leaned forward and kissed a spot next to his ear. Duo grinned and looked back to their friends. "Anyway, if you hire them to cater your wedding—"

"You get 20% off all your ramen orders for three months!"

Duo's eyes lit up at Heero's enthusiasm and he turned back around to face him.

"We're gonna have so much ramen, right Babe?"

Quietly, but not so quiet to keep the others from hearing, Heero whispered "I really thought you loved that place."

"I love you at that place. I'd go to dinner anywhere that made you that excited and happy."

Suddenly they both seemed to recall they had company and turned back towards their friends. The looks on their faces ranged from delighted to horrified. Duo was privately glad that Wufei didn't appear to be on the horrified end of the spectrum. The hardest part of their ruse was keeping things a secret from his best friend. But the payoff, and Quatre's horror, was worthwhile.

"You gotta know that you losing a bet isn't so important to us that we'd do somethin legally binding to facilitate it. We only got engaged to make you lose a bet. Gettin hitched's got nothin to do with you."

"Did you really think I'd turn my back so easily on Trowa?" Heero's cool monotone was cutting. "He's my partner and my closest friend. I told you I wouldn't let him lose a bet when I had control of the outcome."

Quatre was shell shocked. Wufei looked happy. Trowa was beaming.

"So how much did you two bet?"

A defeated blonde man turned to Sally.

"One."

"One hundred?"

He shook his head.

"One thousand?"

He shook his head again.

"Just one."

While Wufei and Sally were in an uproar over the ridiculous way a tiny, stupid bet spiraled out of control, Trowa smiled to himself. Heero really would take his side over Quatre's every day of the week. And he suspected his friend probably enticed Duo to do the same. It was good to have loyal friends.

Heero, meanwhile, enjoyed winning on a technicality. Quatre was a precise man, and using that precision against him was always fun.

Duo smiled to himself. He'd heard voices in the office he shared with Wufei a few months ago, and stopped outside to listen before making his presence known. What he heard was the snowballing of a sarcastic comment directed at Trowa into a full on wager.

With your long engagement, even Duo and Heero will get married before you!

Wanna bet?

He was pretty sure at the time Wufei was simply using their two "single" friends as examples, not meaning to suggest they'd specifically marry each other. But marrying each other counted, too.

Trowa was going to taste his defeat when he read the invite. And Wufei would get a decent payout in two weeks when they hit up the courthouse and held a small reception.

After all, Duo wasn't about to let his best friend and partner lose a bet when he had control over the outcome, either.