-8-
Eleven felt numb as she walked into the room of the cabin she'd shared with Jim Hopper.
Her old bedroom.
Nothing was out of place; in fact, aside from it being bare since she had taken all of her things with her when Joyce had taken custody of her when Hopper, the place looked as if she had only been gone a few hours…. She couldn't finish the thought, just remembering that horrible time when the stupid Russians had undone the work she had done to close the Gate into the Upside Down was enough to make her physically sick.
It startled the young girl so much that a whole year had passed since she had been in this cabin, so much had happened, so much had been gained and so much had been lost….
Right now the losses outweighed the gains; Max was currently in hospital in a coma after her near death had resulted in Vecna breaking out of his reality so he could use it to return to this one. Dustin, Lucas and Mike had drifted apart, with Lucas getting a place on the school basketball team, a decision driven by his desire to become popular and to no longer be a bullied victim.
Eleven could understand that only too well; when she'd escaped the lab, she'd been driven mad in her desire to just get out but Hopper's naive hope the Lab and the Bad men would just leave her alone and not threaten those who'd helped her or got in their way, she had done her best to be a normal kid despite the rules that stopped her being cooped up but it wasn't until the move to California, where she struggled so much coping with the distance between herself and her friends, especially Mike and Max, the loss of Hopper, the loss of her powers she had done her best to put that all behind her…but she couldn't.
Was it any little wonder she had jumped up with the chance of getting her powers restored, even if she had to cope with once more putting her life in the hands of Owens and people like him?
Thinking of Owens was impossible without thinking about Papa. She had honestly hoped he was dead, in fact when she had nearly killed Carroll when she'd been with Kali and her gang, she had been curious about what would make him say Papa-Brenner was still alive.
And yet she knew without him she would never have gotten her powers back, she only wished he hadn't taken his time; in her mind, if only Brenner had taken the damage caused by Vecna more seriously instead of seemingly treating it like a scientific experiment he wanted to take his time understanding, then maybe so many people would not have died, and maybe the military wouldn't have been desperate to have her killed.
Eleven closed her eyes and groaned under her breath as she realised she likely had another problem that would stop her from properly living a normal life. Owens and Brenner had told her some in the military believed she was responsible for the deaths in Hawkins, blissfully ignoring the fact she hadn't even been in Hawkins for a year, and that she hadn't even had any reason to murder anyone unless they'd tried to kill her first when she'd left the Lab in the first time.
When she'd left the Lab, Eleven had been so frightened, so desperate; she hadn't known anything about the outside world because her whole world had been in that Lab with sterile white corridors, rooms where she was tested. The only times she had actually killed or harmed anyone was when she had killed the agents who'd come after her, avenging that poor man Benny, when she had broken Troy's arm when she stopped him killing Dustin and making Mike jump off that cliff, and when she'd stopped the Demogorgon.
Her friends had suffered a lot this year and recently, too; not only was the Upside Down once more open, but several innocent people had died, and because of some stupid blunder made by the police which made everyone chase Eddie Munson, a guy Dustin had been close to, believing him to be involved in some weird satanic rituals or something stupid like that. Apart from Max, Eleven didn't know the other victims, but she had a nasty feeling Max had been chosen not only for the darker aspects of her past and her own issues which Lucas and Dustin had clarified, but she had the feeling Vecna had gone after Max because he knew Max was close to her.
Lucas had seen first-hand the darker side of the basketball team when they had attacked Eddie's band, the Hellfire Club, and he had become scared of them as a result. Eleven couldn't blame him; when she had first arrived in California, she had quickly become a target of Angela, who was the most popular girl in the school; after seeing for herself what lengths Angela went to to get that popularity, Eleven swore to never even try.
Right now most of Hawkins believed Eddie was responsible for those deaths, and they regarded his friends as murderous and even insane, thinking that the Hellfire Club was some cult mixed up with satanic rituals, but with the devastating damage the town had taken with the so-called earthquakes, which was nothing more than Vecna ripping open holes through the Upside Down, there weren't that many people who would cause problems for her friends.
Guilt was gnawing away inside of her, mixed with a healthy dose of anger; Brenner had been delighted when her powers had come back, but he had tried to keep her locked away inside his newest playground, blissfully ignoring the mess that was getting worse in Hawkins. She should have known better than to expect him to have any sense.
She hated closing the gates into the Upside Down, but Eleven had become so used to it. It made her feel more special, really.
But now, Eleven felt guilty for more than one reason. It was her fault, what happened to Max, and to all of those people who were dead. It was all because of her because she had listened to Henry Creel when he'd posed as one of Brenner's orderlies without knowing anything about his past. She had torn out the device in his neck that Brenner had planted there, believing it was some kind of weapon designed to keep him locked up.
He had manipulated her and she had believed his lies, and the moment his own powers were unlocked, Creel lashed out killing nearly everyone in the lab. Henry was only stopped when Eleven destroyed his body when she had blasted him with her mind.
Or so she'd thought. Henry had fallen into a different world and begun twisting the Upside Down, creating the Mind Flayer, and directing it against Hawkins. Everything that had happened in the last few years was all down to him; Will's disappearance, Barb's death, the Demogorgon, the tunnels looped underground, the possession of Will, the Flayed, and the Mind Flayer's last attack which was only stopped with Billy's sacrifice.
Eleven wondered how much Creel had seen with the help of the Mind Flayer on all of those occasions when she'd stopped the Upside Down invading Hawkins and the world. There was little doubt in her mind that Vecna had seen everything going on, and during that last attack last year, he had decided to deal with her through his proxies. The loss of her powers was too coincidental.
Last year, when she had looked for Billy telepathically, the Mind Flayer had claimed it was all for her, but even now Eleven still didn't know nor understand what it was about her Vecna wanted so badly, besides revenge. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, wishing she had done things differently; if she had then perhaps everything would be different.
And now, because of her, Hawkins was in ruins and so many people had died without knowing the whole truth.
The military was out there planning to kill her; just because she'd destroyed that helicopter when it tried to kill her, didn't mean there wouldn't be more attacks.
Papa was dead, but was there someone else like him out there? She didn't doubt that.
And she'd had enough.
More than once over the last year, Eleven had thought back to her time with Kali, and what she'd said. More than once she wished she had persuaded Kali to come back to Hawkins with her so that they could destroy the Lab that had destroyed their lives for so long, and then go out into the world together as sisters, outcasts. Sure, she would miss Joyce, Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Hopper, but Eleven was starting to realise Kali had been speaking the truth. She would never be accepted by anyone outside of her circle of friends - the last year had only proven that, with how Angela and her friends had bullied her mercilessly, and how Will, Jonathan, and Mike had been treating her lately before they'd cleared the air.
Maybe, she should think about tracking down Kali again and being with her.
For a moment Eleven crafted a new alternative reality where she had persuaded Kali to come with her to destroy the Lab, only to go off with her after spending time with Mike….but there was no doubt in her mind, especially now she knew that Vecna was targeting her and had been for a long time now, the former Henry Creel would have ripped open gates near wherever she and Kali would be.
Eleven sighed and sat on her old bed, wondering what she could do and what needed to be done from there. But she was so tired she could barely focus. She glanced at the bed, seeing how inviting it looked... Maybe a short nap of a few hours would help?
It was so quiet the moment she heard the heavy clops of footsteps, she looked up, growing more frightened, wondering if it was a soldier, or something just as bad.
And then the door opened….
Revealing Hopper. He was wearing a checked shirt and he had a cap on, his face was more haggard than before.
"Hey Kid," he said kindly.
Eleven's heart almost shattered at the sight of him in relief. She choked on a sob before she began crying. It had killed her when she'd thought he'd died, she had wanted to lash out whenever Angela mocked her for his death. And here he was. He was alive. But how? What happened?
"Hi," she sobbed.
Hopper slowly walked over to her, stopping in front of her, and she threw herself at him, crying her heart out. He hugged her back. Eleven buried her face in his shirt, feeling that underneath he was pure muscle now. She felt him chuckle before he gently touched her newly shaven head.
"I kept it open," Eleven remembered the last letter he'd sent her, "I kept the door open three inches," she pulled away, sobbing.
"I know."
"I never stopped believing -," she sobbed.
"I know, it's okay," Hopper chuckled as he looked down at her.
Eleven loved Joyce, but the loss of Hopper had been a terrible pain; she had felt that kind of pain before when she'd found out what was left of her mother.
"It's okay, it's okay," Hopper repeated, chuckling as he tried to reassure her. It worked, and she chuckled, "I'm here."
Eleven looked down in relief.
"I'm here."
The two of them sat on the bed, and Hopper took off his cap. Eleven gasped. Hopper had been sporting a full head of hair the last time she'd seen him, but now his scalp was shaved completely off. Seeing his weatherbeaten, scarred, skin and haggard expression made him appear twice his age.
"You….look," she bit her lip, wondering how she could say this without hurting his feelings.
"Not fat?" He asked with a chuckle, remembering how she had been shocked by how much weight he'd put on.
They shared a laugh. Hopper smiled back, chuckling; her laugh easily was the most beautiful thing he'd heard in the last few months, aside from Joyce. While Hopper had been annoyed by Eleven in the past, especially when they'd had that nasty fight when he'd learnt she'd left the cabin and used her powers, it was because he'd been scared he would never see her again. He genuinely loved her and it had broken his heart when he had been in fucking Russia, beaten until he could barely move, and forced to work as a slave in the bitter cold.
He had held onto two of the most important people in his life; Joyce and Eleven.
Joyce had told him about Eleven over the last year. Joyce had known that Eleven was having problems settling in her new school, beyond the loss of her powers, but with Will being reticent about talking about it, and Eleven keeping tight-lipped, there was little Joyce could actually do, but she had tried.
Seeing her with a shaven head again was a shock, and he wondered what she'd gone through. Joyce and he had found out Eleven had lost her temper in a skating rink, smashing roller skates into another girl's face and had been arrested before agents under Doctor Owens had turned up and told them Eleven had been taken to a special facility to get her powers back, but seeing her shorter hair angered him despite his easy-going attitude.
"Your hair," Eleven ran a hand over his bald scalp.
"My hair," He choked on a chuckle and a sob, looking at her own shaven head and gently touching it, shaking his head, wondering why Owens and his mob had even done it in the first place, shaved off so much of Eleven's beautiful hair. El had always taken it as a symbol of pride, of her freedom that she could finally move beyond her past without a shaven head, but now only God knew how she felt. "Your hair," he chuckled.
El laughed while he gently drew her to his lips, and he kissed her forehead. She took his hand gently and rested her forehead against his.
"Yeah, I think I stole your look, kid," Hopper said as she drew back smiling at him. "Well, what do you think?"
Eleven smirked, "Bitchin'," she laughed gently as she mentally thanked Kali and her gang for that one.
Hopper laughed and drew her into his arms.
"I've missed you," El whispered, "so much."
"I've missed you, too, El," he whispered back. "I heard what happened at the rink."
Eleven's heart sank. "Oh," she said, it was all she could say, really. "I'm sorry. I was just…so tired of dealing with Angela, losing my powers… I just lashed out angrily. Everyone began looking at me like I was a monster, and I began to believe it."
"El, you are not a monster. I don't know half of what Brenner and his bunch did to you at the lab, but they made you open the Gate; it was an accident. You're not a monster," Hopper pulled away and insisted.
"Aren't I?" Eleven looked down at her hands. "Hawkins has been destroyed because of me, can't you see that? Vecna, or Henry Creel, only got into a different reality, because he manipulated me, and played me for a fool. He pretended to be an ordinary orderly at the Lab, he befriended me, helped me, and made me tear a chip out of his neck that Pa-Brenner had put there. I didn't even know he was actually One, like I'm Eleven, and Kali's Eight. I didn't even know he was a monster who murdered his own family, tortured animals and came up with the belief our world is wrong. When I tore the chip out of his neck, he rampaged through the lab and killed everyone except me and Brenner. I thought I'd killed him, but he was lost in a different world."
"The Upside Down?"
"No," El shook her head, "No, I don't think so, but he had enough power to influence it. He manipulated the Mind-Flayer and the Demogorgons and everything else there."
Hopper might not be a full detective, but he was good at common sense and piecing things together. "He's the one behind Will's disappearance? What happened to Barb?"
"And everything else, yes," El nodded. She shook her head. "When I was looking for Billy when he was being possessed by the Mind-Flayer, he said when I was looking for him, they had been doing what they'd been doing with the Flayed for me, that I'd let them in and I was going to let them stay. Everything they'd been doing, building all of it up, killing so many…for me, to end me for good. And then my friends, you, Joyce, Mike, Max," she sobbed and he hugged her gently, "all this time, he's been after me…and Brenner and the lab have been helping him."
"What do you mean?"
El sighed. "I….deliberately forgot sending him into that world. But Brenner didn't." Eleven shook her head as she remembered the last experiments she'd been forced to take part in at the Lab, all of that time in the Baths, forced to concentrate day and night until she touched the mind of a Demogorgon. "It all makes sense; he loved the routine of his work. Then the experiments changed. They became more brutal, and he focused on me, driving me so much now I think about it, there wasn't anyone else for him to experiment on; that's simply because I was the only one there. I don't even know what made him think about it, but he wanted to copy what I did to Creel, and I opened the door to the Upside Down."
"He drove you to do that, El," Hopper insisted. "He drove you to open the Gate."
"But I'm still responsible for Will's disappearance, Barb's death, and all of the attacks since. God, Max is in a coma!" El whimpered, "Maybe the Military are right, I should die."
Hopper was furious. "Don't you ever say that!" He snarled, grabbing her firmly and glaring at her in the eye. "You're precious, to me, to Joyce, to everyone who knows you. I love you, kid. I don't want you hurt. And I don't want to hear you say such things. They forced you to open the gate, but you've done so much good for us, for everyone; if it wasn't for you….if it wasn't for you," he quickly recovered, gently cradling her face so she was focused on him, "we might have all died ages ago, Joyce and Jonathan might have lost Will, and everyone else might have died. The only real monsters are Brenner and those working for him. They forced you to open the Upside Down. They're the ones who took in this Creel when it's clear they should have killed him, but they only wanted to use you both, for America, for Uncle Sam," he added in disdain. While he was still patriotic, he had seen the dark, bleak reality of war and combat, and it made him cynical. "El, I've spent the whole year trapped in Russia, forced to work like a dog, but I focused on two things; the images of you and Joyce, your sweet faces kept me going, made me keep fighting."
El's lip wobbled. "Why did the Russians have to experiment with the Upside Down? What was the point?"
Hopper sighed. "I don't know. I asked that question hundreds of times when I realised there were Demogorgons there, and I had to fight them. There were also Mind-Flayer particles there."
Eleven seemed to collapse, "Oh no, not more fighting," she wailed.
Hopper hugged her. "It's okay, El, Joyce and me, we blew it up."
"Are you sure?" El asked desperately. "I don't want anything to do with the Mind-Flayer ever again."
Hopper, recognising El's stubbornness, knew better than to argue in this case. "Neither do I, El, neither do I." Changing the subject, Hopper asked, "El, you've got your powers back, yeah?"
Eleven pulled back and lifted her hand. The door closed, making Hopper smile, remembering so many times when Eleven had closed the door in his face, usually when she had done or said something he hadn't liked, but right now it made him grin with nostalgia. "Owens got me away from the police when they were taking me to a juvenile centre. He told me about how something was endangering Hawkins and my friends, and that got me hooked."
Hopper winced, cursing Owens for his manipulations. If there was one thing guaranteed to grab El's attention, it was threats to her friends. Eleven loved her friends.
"But I missed my powers. I missed them so much; I always hated them for ruining my life, for being the reason why Brenner experimented on me so long, but they were a part of me," El shook her head.
"They were a part of you, El, they made an already special girl more amazing," Hopper said softly, his heart breaking at the self-loathing in El's voice. "How did they get your powers back?"
El sagged more. "Owens didn't tell me Brenner was there."
"What?"
"Yeah. He forced me into a bath and showed me tapes of the experiments on me, including the one where I sent Creel into that other world. Brenner tried to keep me there, he didn't care about what was going on in Hawkins and he'd locked Owens up. But he got me out when the military came and slaughtered the doctors there."
"Why?"
"To kill me. There was some military leader who believed I was dangerous, that I…that I was the one responsible for the deaths in Hawkins; in a way, he's right," El looked down sadly.
Hopper wondered if he could ever get through to her. "El, you're not evil. Sure, you can be irritating but you're not evil. You pulled me out of the gutter. I was scared I would be alone forever since my divorce and my daughter's death," he was unable to hide the way his voice trembled as memories of Sarah's final moments filled his mind but he pushed them aside, for El's sake. Deep down he knew his daughters would have gotten along wonderfully, "Look, kiddo; how about we stop this, forever?"
El looked away and then nodded. "You're right, let's end this."