Chapter 2: Slap Back to Reality

After detailing a loose plan for winter's crest with Cassandra Percy found his feet making their way to his old workshop seemingly of their own accord. The familiar surroundings helped ease some of the coiled tension within him, but for once he was at a loss of what to make. He still had bad news of course, but he would need something better suited for smaller spaces. Without missing a beat he located a couple charcoal sticks in addition to parchment and rapidly started to sketch the designs for a new pepperbox. As the weapon quickly became closer to what the end result should look like he suddenly found himself struggling to breathe. Once again flashes of Delilah downing Vex and the pained cries of Vax yelling at them all to get her out when attempts at healing her failed. His hands were trembling as he grabbed the paper, crumpling it before tossing it aside. He grabbed the lip of the table and squeezed as he tried to tried to focus on taking steadying breaths instead of the shallow, ragged ones his body had instinctively tried to force through.

After what seemed like an age he felt the breaths start to come easier, and he released his grip on the table. His knuckles were a bit sore from the grip he'd had on it but that was the least of his problems at the moment. "I can't trust myself with another, not now. But without it can I still stand beside my friends and fight?" Percy asked himself. The rapier wasn't entirely unfamiliar to him but he was nowhere near as effective with a bade in comparison to his guns. If he couldn't even stomach looking at a sketch he knew it would be a mistake to try and make and use the real thing. A similar reaction to what he'd had now in combat could cause his friends to get injured at the least and potentially much worse. He had to be able to rely on his nerves to hold as steady as the hand on his gun, the finger pulling the trigger. Hesitation at any point was not a luxury he could afford.

As he was mulling all of that over he sensed eyes on him. "Cassandra, now's really not a good time." he said as he turned to see who it was, assuming it would be the only person he knew had still been up. He should have known better Instead he saw Vex's hazel eyes looking back at him, one hand tugging on her braid lightly as she stared. "Oh, it's you. My apologies." he said, brain scrambling to catch up as he tried to figure out how she had found him so easily.

Vex tutted at him and shook her head. "Really darling, confusing me with your sister? Tell me what's going on and no avoiding it this time. You always try to work when something's wrong, it wasn't hard to track you down." she explained before he could even ask how she'd found him. There was a clear moment of hesitation that had Vex narrowing her eyes. "None of us are here to cast judgment, least of all me." she added softly.

Percy gave a jerky nod of his head in response before taking a deep breath, holding it as long as he could before letting it out. The anxiousness about the conversation was still there, but it helped enough that he found himself able to start. "Everything's wrong Vex, and has been for a long time. This battle with the Briarwoods simply brought it to the surface. My sister's name appearing in the empty slot, Delilah striking you down where healing magic was failing to work, and then that battle with Orthax...it's not something I can easily forget or forgive myself for my part in it." he explained, taking a long pause before continuing. "I-I'm having a hard time with the idea of trusting myself to wield that kind of power again. It's not exactly something that has some hidden positive purpose, more a single one...to kill." he explained, staring at her for a long moment before finishing. "You almost died directly because I was hellbent on vengeance. What kind of monster does that make me?" he asked in a whisper.

Vex's mouth opened and closed as he saw her try and digest all he had said. After an awkward pause a look of determination glinted in her eyes before she slapped him with all she had. She was no slouch and the weight behind it knocked him back a step, but he didn't make a sound, knowing he deserved much worse than that. The lack of response from him only seemed to anger her further and she closed that step of space between them before grabbing him by the front of his shirt. "Don't you dare do that, Percy! We chose to walk this path with you, and we had no illusions that it would be an easy one. While it's true we had to clear our names after the fiasco back in Emon that's not why we came either. You needed us, and when one of our family is hurting that's all the more reason for us to stand together." she told him, finally letting go of him and he accidentally bumped into the desk behind him. "I know you're from nobility Percy but I've never heard more infuriating self-centered bullshit like that in my life. If you ever talk like that again I'll hide those glasses of yours where the sun don't shine and be done with you. Are we clear?" she asked, a dangerous edge to her tone.

Percy gulped, the hard truth of what she was saying hitting him like a warhammer. He knew they all cared about each other, that they were a family, but knowing something and seeing the evidence so plain before his eyes were too entirely different things. "You're absolutely right, Vex, I'm sorry. And yes, I understand completely." he replied. A finger pushed up his glasses that had started to slide and he let out a sigh. "Hearing you say that helps, but I still think it's going to take some time before I'm ready to make a new pepperbox. Until then, do you think you can have my back?" he asked.

A brilliant smile split her face at the last request and she nodded. "Of course, but you know I never do anything for free. While you work through what you need to do you think you could make me a few of those wonderful exploding arrows?" Vex asked hopefully.

To his own surprise a laugh escaped Percy at that. "I think that can be arranged without too much issue. Now come on, we'd better get to bed before Vax realizes you're gone and comes looking. I don't think he's my biggest fan at present." he admitted.

Vex joined him as he started to lead the way out of his workshop and she chuckled. "Oh, you're absolutely right on that count. Don't worry, he'll come around eventually. Until he does I'll make sure he doesn't do any permanent maiming." she said, patting his shoulder.

Percy knew all too well just how serious she was with that last statement and he nodded. "Thank you, for everything. You might fool some people with that ambition of yours, but when it comes down to it...you care more than any of us. I'll try to remember that." he told her.

Vex stopped walking at that, frozen in her tracks. "Darling, if you ever start to forget I'm more than happy to remind you." she responded. She hastened her step to catch up before gently brushing her fingers across the back of his knuckles. "Now be a good boy and go get some rest, I'll see you in the morning." she said, before leaving him alone.

The feel of her fingers brushing across him, (brief though it had been), had changed things. It no longer felt like he was drowning beneath the weight of all that had happened. For the first time tonight he felt like he truly had a chance to lay down and get some desperately needed rest. Rest that had been eluding him ever since the Briarwoods had first reared their heads back into his life.