It's dark in her bedroom as she lies awake, sleep elusive. She tries to stay still despite feeling the restlessness in her veins. She doesn't want to disturb Rupert as he lies beside her. She rolls onto her side, towards him to find him watching her.
"You can't sleep either, huh," she murmurs as she shuffles closer.
"Thinking too much," Rupert grumbles, edging himself towards her. "Contagious, I think."
"Some night, huh?"
"Are you okay?"
"No," Jenny admits, letting him tuck himself around her. She presses a quick kiss of thanks to the underside of his jaw as his arms slip around her middle. "I keep thinking about Enyos."
"Your uncle?"
She nods.
"I had a nightmare a few weeks ago, just after Thanksgiving," she tells him. "Enyos was in my class, none of the students saw him. He said I had no right, he didn't say anything else."
"No right for what?" She can hear the frown in his voice.
Jenny shrugs. She'd phoned Rupert at the time, letting his voice pull her from the remnants of the nightmare. "I didn't think much of it at the time, I just wanted to forget," she admits. "I've never really had dreams that mean anything so I put it down to subconscious guilt after we reconnected." She sighs. "I don't think Laura was messing with my dreams, Rupert."
"Even without any undue influence, our reunion would cause a great deal of upheaval for both of us."
"You too?"
He glances down at her and his confirmation is no more than a slight bob of his head. She winds her arm over his chest.
"What did you dream?"
"They were the same nightmares I had when you first left Sunnydale," he admits. "I came home to find your body in my bed."
"I'm sorry," Jenny presses her head against his. They left so much unresolved when they parted which left a profound mark on their lives.
"I'm sorry for how I treated you before you left."
Jenny blinks, yet doesn't withdraw from his embrace. "You had valid reasons to be angry with me, Rupert," she reminded him.
"I hurt you."
"You did."
There's no point disagreeing with him; she broke his heart and he broke hers. It hurt because she realised the true depth of her feelings for him.
"Why did you stay as long as you did?"
"I couldn't leave until I fixed Angel," she explains. She doesn't want to think about the implications of what that might mean for the wider vampire population and that they'd be scared of little ol' her. Surely, it would make her more of a target. She and Rupert can discuss that when they've actually got some rest. "It wasn't just about you and me, I hoped but I didn't expect you to forgive me because I made things right. Angel had a role to play in the bigger picture that was more important than my feelings."
She leans back to find him watching her. He carefully lifts his hand and brushes a lock of her bangs away from her face, his fingers trailing down the curve of her cheek to cup her face. "Still, I could have been more open to listening to you."
"I think if our roles were reversed, I would have done the same," Jenny concedes. "I was angry at myself for hurting you and Buffy the way I did."
"I wish I'd been strong enough to believe you could have stayed and been safe."
"Angelus wouldn't have stopped if I stayed, we both studied his MO, Rupert. I let you send me away because I was afraid, not just because of Angelus but of us as well." She lets that sink in. "I was afraid we'd never be able to have what we did at first."
"I don't think we will ever get that first feeling back," Rupert tells her. "I hope this time will be better because we've learnt from the mistakes we made."
"Have we?" They've fallen head first into their reconciliation and her head was so full of him that she was blindsided by Laura's true identity. Kind of like when they first started dating.
"I meant what I told Laura," Rupert confesses. "If you want me to stay, I will."
"Don't put that on me," she warns, sitting up and withdrawing from him. She crosses her legs as she reaches over to flip on the light on the bedside table. She can't have this conversation in the dark.
Looking at Rupert, who's moved to lie on his side to face her while she explains herself. "I can't have this conversation lying in your arms," she says to his look. "It clouds my judgement."
He smiles slightly but he doesn't hold it against her. "We don't need to make any decisions now, Jenny. I said that to Laura because she was implying my decision to stay was about work, not you."
"But that's not entirely true."
Rupert pulls himself up and doesn't quite manage to mirror her sitting position, his legs remain stretched out in front of him. She lets him grasp her hand when he reaches for it. "This weekend has been more than I could imagine, of course, I wanted to stay."
"You could've just said that."
"I was afraid I would scare you off considering how cautious we've been regarding our reunion," he confesses.
"You mean my startling ability to keep changing my mind?" Jenny rolls her eyes. She pulls their clasped hands into her lap, studying them for a beat. "The thing is, Laura made a good point tonight. And this isn't me, telling you to leave," she stipulates. "It's been four days, a whole lot is riding on deciding what happens next. That decision shouldn't be up to me alone, so don't make this my call. We decide this together, Rupert."
"So, how long will it take us to decide?"
Jenny narrows her eyes at him when she realises his dry whit is rising to the surface and he's half screwing with her. Now isn't the time.
"Knock it off, you know this is hard for me," she warns him. She's felt numb for the last five years and she feels as though she's been spun through a tornado of emotions the last couple of days.
"I do know, Jenny, and we may be comfortable with an undetermined timescale to make this decision, but others may not be."
"It's not their decision," Jenny argues.
"No," he concurs with a sigh. "We don't know Laura's motives for keeping her identity a secret from you, but I got the impression she was being very protective of you."
"We don't need to justify anything to Laura or any member of my family if she is," she counters. She needs proof before she spirals down that thought trap again tonight.
"I agree, however, I would like to state my intentions to you," Rupert tells her. "Sate your doubts or, as you said, your startling ability to change your mind which stems from our history together."
"Intentions are fine, but it's going to take more than that to make it work, wherever we want it to work."
"But we both want to make it work, it's going to take time," he stipulates. "Trust and patience."
"Really not playing to our strengths here, Rupert," she mutters. "I know how you make me feel, I know how you feel. I trust that it's everything else I don't trust."
"That's in essence, my point." He looks a little bemused by the whole conversation. "Laura didn't issue any threats this evening and, aside from keeping her identity and familial connection to you a secret, none of her behaviour suggests that she is a threat to you. Perhaps she would be appeased if she saw that we trust that we can solidify a lasting relationship. I'm not saying it will happen overnight or we should rush into deciding who's packing up to move where but fundamentally, we want to be together and are actively working to that end regardless of distance and time apart."
"I know you're trying to be the voice of optimism and reason here, but I don't want my family to be able to interfere," Jenny implores him to listen to her. She knows her family and it was easier for her to assume they cast her aside. "But I agree I need to speak with Laura, even if it's to tell her to stay the hell away."
AN - Real life is taking a toll, so updates might be few and far between. Anyone still reading?