Mudbloods and Murmurs
Harry spent a lot of time dodging out of sight whenever he saw Gilderoy Lockhart.
"Don't blame you," Sirius muttered grumpily.
It was harder to avoid Colin Creevey, who seemed to have memorized Harry's schedule.
"Well, isn't he a right little stalker," Draco scoffed.
"Like you were any better," Harry laughed.
"I did not stalk you," he denied.
"Maybe not, I swear I saw as much of you as I did of Colin. Besides, you're the one who bribed your way onto the Quidditch team to spend more time with me."
"To beat you," Draco corrected quickly.
"Well, you failed at that," Fred smirked.
Nothing seemed to give Colin a bigger thrill than greeting Harry and getting a reply back, no matter how exasperated.
"You would have been far better off just ignoring him. Saying hello back is just encouraging him," Bill pointed out.
"Yeah," Harry sighed. He was so glad Colin had calmed down after that year.
Hedwig was still angry with Harry and Ron's wand was still malfunctioning. On Friday morning it shot out of Ron's hand and hit Professor Flitwick squarely between the eyes, creating a large, throbbing green boil where it had struck.
Flitwick rubbed his forehead in remembrance.
Nobody bothered to comment about Ron's wand this time, knowing it would do no good to keep harping on.
Harry was glad to reach the weekend. The trio had planned to visit Hagrid, but Harry got woken up several hours earlier than planned by Oliver Wood.
"How early?" McGonagall asked in a resigned voice.
"About six in the morning," Harry grumbled.
"On the first weekend of the year?" Charlie frowned.
"We practised then too," Draco pointed out.
"Yeah, but only to mess with the Gryffindors," George stated with a scowl. "And to show off your new brooms. Fat lot of good they did you." Now Draco was the one scowling.
Wood told him he was due for Quidditch practice and Harry looked out the window, seeing the thin mist hanging across the still pink sky. Harry pointed out it was the crack of dawn and Wood told him it was part of the new training program.
"To make sure your team don't get the proper amount of sleep?" Tonks wondered.
Wood stated that none of the other teams had started training yet.
"That's because it's literally the first weekend back. They don't usually hold tryouts until at least the second week back to give people time to settle in properly," Charlie said.
"This is Wood. We're lucky he didn't demand we start training after the opening feast," Harry said dryly.
"That boy," Minerva sighed, rolling her eyes.
Harry climbed out of bed and tried to find his Quidditch robes. Wood said he'd meet him on the field in fifteen minutes. Harry pulled on his cloak and left a note for Ron. As he reached the portrait hole, Colin came dashing down the spiral staircase, camera around his neck.
"What the hell is he doing up at this time?" Ted wondered in shock.
"That's taking stalking to a whole new level. Not even Harry knew he was going to be woken up so early," Kingsley pointed out, a little concerned.
"I think he said he'd been up developing the photos," Harry said, thinking back. He'd tuned out most of Colin's chatter.
"That's still very early to be up doing that on a weekend, He'd have all day to do it," Remus frowned.
"I don't think he went to sleep. He probably was up all night and then heard Oliver waking the guys up," agreed Neville.
"Yeah. We weren't exactly happy with Oliver, and we let him know," Fred admitted with a smirk.
Colin told him he'd heard Harry's name on the stairs. Then he showed Harry the photo he'd had in his hand. It was of him and Lockhart. Harry was pleased to see his photographic self was refusing to be dragged into view.
Everyone laughed.
"That's my pup," Sirius chuckled. "Don't let him win."
Colin asked if he would sign in. Harry refused.
"There's nobody else around, why not?" Tonks asked.
"Because Colin would tell every single person in Hogwarts within five seconds flat," Harry pointed out dryly.
"His shriek of joy would have woken the whole castle by itself," Fred laughed.
"And once Harry signed one thing, he'd be inundated with more requests," George added.
He looked around to check there was nobody around. He apologised and said he was on his was to Quidditch practise. Colin followed saying he'd never seen a game. Harry protested that it was really boring.
"Best be grateful Wood didn't hear you saying that," George stated. Harry shuddered.
"I wasn't even wrong. We all nearly fell asleep during Wood's talk," he reminded George. The twins both nodded.
Colin ignored him, his face shining with excitement. Colin asked several questions and Harry didn't know how to get rid of him. He compared Colin to a talkative shadow.
"That's accurate," Neville laughed.
Colin kept talking and Harry resigned himself to explaining the complicated rules of Quidditch.
"It's not that complicated," Charlie scoffed.
"The basics aren't, but there are a lot of rules to remember," Bill said fairly.
Colin didn't stop questioning him until they reached the changing rooms, where he promised to go and get a good seat."
"Well, he'll be waiting a while," Fred snorted.
"Yeah. I'm honestly surprised he didn't get bored and disappear," George agreed.
"And miss his hero playing Quidditch?" Ron asked with a smirk. Harry elbowed him in the ribs.
The rest of the Gryffindor team were already in the changing room. Wood was the only person who looked truly awake, everyone else was almost falling asleep.
"I wonder how Wood woke the girls, without waking the rest of Gryffindor tower," Charlie mused. Everybody shrugged.
"I think he got Peeves involved," Fred said, thinking back. The girls had been very angry with Wood once they had woken up enough to feel anything other than exhausted.
"Peeves isn't supposed to go into the dormitories," McGonagall sighed in exasperation.
"He isn't supposed to do a lot of things," George grinned.
Wood greeted Harry, asking what kept him but continuing on without waiting for an answer. He said he wanted a quick talk with them all before they got onto the field as he had spent his whole summer devising a new training programme.
"There was nothing quick about that talk," Fred scoffed.
"The training programme was pretty effective though," George reminded him fairly. "We just all learn better up in the air, not being lectured at half six in the morning."
"I imagine most people learn poorly at six in the morning," Tonks agreed.
Wood was holding up a large diagram of a Quidditch field, on which were drawn many lines, arrows, and crosses in different coloured inks. He took out his wand and made the arrows wiggle over the diagram like caterpillars. As Wood launched into a speech about his new tactics, Fred Weasley's head drooped right onto Alicia Spinnet's shoulder and he began to snore.
"I'm impressed Olly didn't hear you snoring," Charlie snorted.
"Trust me. Oliver heard nothing but the sound of his own voice," stated Harry.
The first board took nearly twenty minutes to explain, but there was another board under that, and a third under that one. Harry sank into a stupor as Wood droned on and on.
"It's not a sign of a good captain that he hasn't realised his players are all falling asleep," Sirius frowned.
"And his complete disregard for the health of his players," George scowled with narrowed eyes as he recalled the first match that year. Harry winced. Fred grimaced and glared over at Harry who simply shrugged.
"This is the same Wood who said he didn't care if my broom bucked me off as long as I caught the snitch first," Harry snickered.
"He said WHAT?" Several people yelled at once. Minerva's lips thinned.
"It was last year and Oliver has graduated now anyway," Harry tried to reassure a furious Sirius. He sent a pleading look to Molly, wanting her to read but she was being calmed down by Arthur, looking just as furious as his godfather. Harry fought back a groan. It took another few minutes of angry grumbling before they could finally move on.
Eventually Wood asked if there were any questions. George asked why he couldn't have told them all this yesterday when they were awake.
"A very valid question," Bill nodded.
Wood wasn't happy and reminded them they should have won the cup the previous year, making Harry feel guilty as he had been unconscious for the last game causing Gryffindor to suffer their worst defeat in three hundred years.
"That's not just on you, Harry," Fred told him kindly.
"Yeah. Even without a seeker, the girls and Wood could have made the gap narrower. Us too. We were likely to lose, but it's down to the whole team it was that bad," George agreed.
"If anything, our job should have been slightly easier with no seeker of our own to look out for. And we know what a trouble magnet you are," Fred grinned. Harry couldn't help but grin back even as he spluttered out a defence that nobody believed for a second.
"Besides, the Quidditch schedule was wonky which also wasn't your fault. If it had been before exams when it should have been then you would have been able to play," Charlie added.
"Or he could have not gone after the stone and not gotten himself almost killed," Severus drawled, glaring in Dumbledore's direction.
Wood took a moment to regain control of himself. Their last defeat was clearly still torturing him. They went out to the pitch. Ron and Hermione were in the stands and Ron asked if they were finished yet. Harry replied they hadn't even started.
"Ron's awake? How long was Wood talking?" Percy blinked in surprise. He knew better than most what Oliver Wood was like, having shared a dorm for seven years, but he also knew how much Ron hated getting up early.
"About two hours," Harry informed him.
"Ron was awake and out at the pitch at half eight in the morning? On a weekend?" Bill looked equally astonished. Ron just shrugged.
Harry was jealous of their breakfast as he told them Wood had been teaching the team new moves. He mounted his broom. The cool air woke him up and he began racing the twins around the pitch. Fred heard a clicking noise which turned out to be Colin, who called for Harry to loose his way. Fred asked who it was, and Harry pretended not to know.
"I'm surprised you hadn't heard about Colin and Harry's encounter with Lockhart," Kingsley said in amusement, knowing full well what the gossip chain was like at Hogwarts.
"I had, just didn't realise it was the same kid." Fred shrugged.
He flew as far away as possible from Colin. Wood suspected he was a Slytherin spy but Harry quickly stated he was in Gryffindor.
"I thought you didn't know who he was," Sirius chuckled.
"He had his Gryffindor robes on," Harry said with a shrug. "And I might not like Colin much but I wouldn't wish Wood on him if he thought he was a spy."
"I wouldn't wish that on anyone," George muttered.
"Except the actual Slytherins," Fred corrected.
George stated the Slytherins didn't need a spy. When Wood asked why, he pointed out they were there in person.
Severus raised an eyebrow at his godson. He knew full well exactly why the Slytherin team had chosen to practise at that time, even though it was not allowed for two teams to use the pitch at the same time. Particularly Gryffindors and Slytherins.
Several people in green robes were walking onto the field, broomsticks in their hands. Wood hissed that he had booked the pitch for the day. They shot down and landed in front of the Slytherins. Wood told Flint to clear off, but the Slytherin captain said there was plenty of room for all of them.
"Not a chance," Charlie snorted.
"There is a reason two teams aren't allowed to practise at the same time," Minerva agreed.
The girls came over and the two teams faced off. Wood stated he had booked the pitch. Flint stated he had a note from Professor Snape giving them permission to practice owing to the need to train their new seeker.
"Severus!" Minerva yelled. "The heads of house are not allowed to book the pitch or override the booking system that is approved by Madam Hooch!"
"I am fully aware," Severus drawled, a dangerous edge to his voice. "I did not write that note." He glared at Draco who shrunk down in his seat.
"Besides, you wouldn't get permission to override someone else's practice just because you have a new player," Charlie scoffed. "Every team gets new players. Harry was a first year the year before and he didn't get special permission for extra practice or to interrupt other team's practices."
"Maybe the Slytherins didn't think ickle Draco was quite up to the task," Fred snickered, though his eyes shone with a challenging gleam.
"Yeah. Bought his way onto the team but they thought he needed extra help," George agreed with a chuckle. Draco flushed red and scowled. As he opened his mouth to argue, he caught his godfather's eye and closed it again.
"We shall speak about this later," Severus intoned darkly. Draco swallowed and simply nodded.
Wood asked where their new seeker was. Draco appeared from behind the others. Fred asked if he was Lucius' son and Flint showed off the brooms Lucius had bought the team.
"Shame the players on them have no talent," Ron grinned widely.
"Draco isn't a bad flyer," Harry interjected fairly. Draco's face didn't change much but his eyes showed his gratitude. "Just not as good as me," he added. Draco rolled his eyes at this, and Harry grinned.
Flint stated they were the latest model that only came out the month before. He said it outstrips the old Two Thousand series by a considerable amount.
The Gryffindor Quidditch players all snorted.
"Good thing the player on the broom is more important than the broom itself then," Charlie stated.
He added that it sweeps the board with the old Cleansweeps that Fred and George had.
"For speed, sure, but beaters don't always need speed. Certainly not the same way seekers do," Sirius pointed out. "Beaters need stability more than anything else, same as keepers. And chasers need manoeuvrability the most. The 'best' broom isn't actually always the best broom for each position."
"That was…actually intelligent," Remus said in faux surprise. Sirius thumped him gently on the arm and Remus smirked.
Malfoy smirked and then Flint commented there was a field invasion as Ron and Hermione came over. Ron asked what was happening and then spotted Malfoy who stated he was the new seeker. He pointed out the brooms, which Ron gaped at, and continued that the Gryffindor team might be able to raise some money for new brooms. He suggested they raffle off the Cleansweep fives as a museum might bid for them. The Slytherin team all laughed.
"You really don't understand how museums work, do you?" Ted rolled his eyes.
Hermione pointed out that at least the Gryffindor team all got in on pure talent, no need to buy their way in.
"Yeah, you tell him, Hermione!" Tonks cheered.
The smug look on Malfoy's face flickered. He said nobody asked her opinion and called her a mudblood.
Everyone except Narcissa, Severus and Draco yelled out in indignation and anger. Severus fixed his godson with a disappointed look, but said nothing as they had already spoken on this matter.
Through the hubbub Draco slid over to the trio. "I apologise, Granger. I shouldn't have said that," he muttered, staring at the floor. She looked at him with a mixture of confusion, suspicion and a tiny bit of gratitude.
"Are you sorry for calling me that and insulting me, or are you sorry that you've been caught?" She asked dryly. Draco finally looked up at that statement.
"Both," he admitted, his gaze flicking to Harry who offered what he hoped was an encouraging smile. He honestly couldn't tell quite how sincere Draco was in his apology. He sounded sincere, but Harry couldn't help but wonder. It had only been a couple of days and he was still struggling to believe in this friendship they were developing. Struggling to believe the other boy had changed his beliefs just because of this book, but he also didn't want to display his distrust too much knowing it would undo much of the progress Draco had already made.
"Alright. I accept your apology on the condition you don't call me that horrible name again. In the books excluded as you can't do much about that," Hermione said graciously. Draco brightened slightly and gave her a nod.
"Hermione!" Ron exploded.
"You have my word," Draco stated, ignoring Ron. Hermione ignored him too and offered Draco a tentative smile. He didn't return it, but said nothing further, going back to his own seat.
"You just accepted his apology?!" Ron raged.
"Yes, Ron. I did. It was almost two years ago. He was just parroting what his father told him and he seems to have changed since we came here. I'd prefer to encourage this change rather than throwing his apology in his face, especially as we're going to be here for who knows how long." Harry smiled gratefully at her and she got a knowing look on her face that Harry wasn't sure he liked.
"But…but…he's Malfoy."
"Yes, Ronald. I know exactly who he is." Hermione rolled her eyes. Thankfully, the other commotion had quieted down and Molly picked up the book once more, though she continued to throw disapproving looks towards Draco.
Harry wasn't sure what this meant but knew it was bad as there was an instant uproar. Flint dived in front of Malfoy to protect him from Fred and George.
"Thank you, boys, but there really was no need," Hermione told the twins.
"Oh, there was, fair lady," George said with an exaggerated wink. "'Tis our duty to defend your honour." Hermione snorted and he shot her a lopsided grin.
Alicia shrieked, "How dare you!"; and Ron plunged his hand into his robes, pulled out his wand, yelling Malfoy would pay for that. He aimed at Malfoy's face.
"Bad idea, Ronnie," Bill winced. Ron grimaced, remembering the slugs vividly.
"Yeah," he agreed glumly.
He yelled for Malfoy to eat slugs. There was loud bang as green light shot out of the wrong end of Ron's wand and hit him in the stomach, sending him reeling.
"Good of you to stick up for your friend, but maybe next time leave it to someone with a working wand," Sirius advised. Ron nodded.
"That wasn't even a proper spell, so I wonder what will happen," Kingsley mused.
Hermione asked if he was alright but when Ron opened his mouth to reply, he threw up several slugs.
"Oh, gross!" Tonks yelped, wrinkling her nose.
"Very," Harry agreed.
"It was kind of hilarious," Fred sniggered.
"I'm just sad he didn't manage to actually get Malfoy with it," George said with a glare in Draco's direction. Draco winced, hoping the twin wasn't planning on rectifying that fact.
"Interesting that Ron did manage to get the effect he wanted, just that it backfired," Emmeline said thoughtfully.
The Slytherin team were paralyzed with laughter. Flint was doubled up, hanging onto his new broomstick for support. Malfoy was on all fours, banging the ground with his fist.
"I mean, if it had been Malfoy and not Ron, we'd have all been the same," Fred admitted.
The Gryffindors were gathered around Ron, who kept belching large, glistening slugs. Nobody seemed to want to touch him.
"Don't blame them," Ted chuckled.
"Unfortunately, given that Ron didn't use a proper spell, there won't be a counter curse, meaning he will just have to wait until it wears off," Bill said sympathetically.
"That could be hours. It could even be days," Andromeda realised.
"It lasted pretty much all day," Ron admitted grouchily. "It was over by the time I finally got to sleep. Thank Merlin."
Harry suggested they take him to Hagrid's.
"Might as well. Madam Pomfrey won't be able to do much except fuss over him," Bill agreed.
"Except she might have declared me not fit to do my detention," Ron realised with an annoyed groan.
"I'd still rather have done yours, puking slugs and all," Harry muttered grouchily. Sirius looked at him in alarm, but Harry waved away his curious expression.
Hermione nodded bravely, and the pair of them pulled Ron up by the arms. Colin asked what happened and if Harry could cure him.
"Why would he think a second year would know how to cure him?" Neville wondered, bemused.
"Because he is still new enough to magic that he thinks it can fix absolutely everything, and Harry is his hero," Hermione pointed out. Harry scowled.
Ron threw up more slugs and Colin asked Harry to hold him still so he could get a picture.
"Seriously?" Emmeline wrinkled her nose. "Why would he want a picture of that?"
"Because it's something new and different," Ted suggested.
"And disgusting," Tonks added with a grin.
"Because he's Colin and he's weird," Harry muttered.
Harry told him to get out of the way and they headed to Hagrid's. As they approached, the front door opened but Lockhart stepped out instead of Hagrid. Harry pulled the group behind a nearby bush, with Hermione following reluctantly.
"Thanks, mate," Ron said in a relieved tone. "I don't even want to know what would have happened if Lockhart had seen me like that. He'd probably have tried to cure me, and I could have been stuck like that permanently or something." He shuddered. Harry was torn between laughing and horror that Ron did have a point.
Lockhart was offering his help here too, saying he'd let Hagrid have a copy of his book, signed by him, and he was surprised he didn't have one already.
"That man," Pomona grumbled under her breath. Filius patted his arm with an amused look on his face.
And he strode away toward the castle. Harry waited until he was out of sight before leaving the bush and knocking on Hagrid's door. The large man opened the door looking momentarily grumpy, but his expression cleared when he saw who it was.
"Poor bloke probably thought Lockhart was coming back," Sirius chuckled.
"That would make anyone look grumpy," Remus muttered. He was a little bitter than men like this could occupy a teaching position, but he could not. He knew he hadn't been able to stay at Hogwarts after forgetting his potion and almost biting students, almost biting Harry, even without Snape spilling his secret. But he liked to think he had at least been a decent teacher, and it grated on him that he couldn't hold down a job when people like Lockhart, a blatant fraud, had half the population hanging off his every word. Especially when those ill-chosen words could get somebody killed as they would not know the appropriate way to deal with dangers related to the Dark Arts.
Hagrid explained he thought it might have been Lockhart coming back. Harry and Hermione supported Ron into the cabin where Harry explained the issue. Hagrid gave Ron a bucket to throw up into, saying better out than in.
A few people laughed.
Hermione said she didn't think they could do anything except wait for it to stop as it's a difficult curse to work at the best of times.
"The curse worked just fine," Bill pointed out. "He just didn't use the actual spell. It was almost non-verbal where you can say one spell but actually cast another. In this case Ron said what he wanted to happen rather than the actual incantation, and adding a non-verbal component makes the spells tricker to undo," he explained. Harry was confused.
"Say one spell but cast another?" He frowned. Bill nodded. Professor Flitwick gave Harry a brief explanation of wandless and wordless magic and promised to cover the topic in more depth in one of their charms sessions. Harry nodded, fascinated. He loved magic, and hearing people like Bill and Professor Flitwick talk about it, he wanted to learn everything he could. Harry had never liked theory much before, but the way Bill in particular explained, it made sense to him. And he found Bill's job highly interesting. Honestly, he was definitely considering asking if Bill or Hermione, probably Bill, could teach him some Ancient Runes or Arithmancy so he could swap that for Divination. If he wanted to do something like Curse-breaking, he was very sure Divination was going to be of no use to him whatsoever.
Hagrid was bustling around making them tea. His boarhound, Fang, was slobbering over Harry.
Harry grimaced. "At least he left my ears alone that time."
Harry asked what Lockhart wanted and Hagrid told them he was giving advice on how to get kelpies out of a well.
"Send Lockhart into the well with them," Remus suggested grouchily. Most people looked at him in slight surprise, but Sirius and the twins all laughed.
"That would definitely get the kelpies out," Harry agreed with a grin.
Hagrid moved a half-plucked rooster off the table.
Ginny flinched at the mention of the rooster. Her parents both gave her concerned looks but she said nothing.
He continued telling them about Lockhart's visit, adding that if any of it was true, he'd eat his kettle.
Several people laughed.
"I think Hagrid's kettle is safe," George laughed.
Harry looked at him in surprise that he would criticize a teacher. Hermione pointed out that Dumbledore obviously thought he was the best man for the job. Hagrid replied he was the only one.
"That bad?" Kingsley asked with a grimace. Dumbledore nodded.
"Well, the curse has been going for years now," Andromeda stated.
"At least a couple of decades," Arthur agreed.
"A couple of decades without a single professor staying for longer than a year. No wonder nobody wants the job," Harry muttered.
Hagrid offered them a plate of treacle fudge, while Ron coughed into his basin. He continued that people are starting the think the job's jinxed and then asked who Ron was trying to curse. Harry told him it was Malfoy because he called Hermione something really bad. Ron stated he called her a mudblood before vomiting again.
"Oh Ronnie," Molly said anxiously.
"I'm fine mum," he assured her. "It was gross but only lasted a day."
Hagrid looked outraged. Hermione admitted she didn't know what it meant, just that it was really rude.
"I should hope you didn't. That word shouldn't be in any books at Hogwarts," Emmeline stated firmly.
Ron explained the meaning behind it. Then he said that the rest of the people knew blood doesn't make any difference. He used Neville as an example, saying he is a pureblood and can hardly stand a cauldron the right way up.
Neville flushed.
"Ronald!" Molly scolded angrily.
"Sorry, Neville," Ron said with an apologetic look.
"If you're going to give an example of purebloods who are incapable, at least use someone like Crabbe or Goyle, not our Neville," Harry told him. Ron nodded.
Hagrid added that they haven't invented a spell Hermione can't do, making her blush.
"A shade of magenta? Maybe you have been hanging around Lockhart too much," Fred laughed.
"And you knew the exact shade of Lockhart's robes every time they are mentioned," George added.
"Petunia," was all Harry would offer by way of explanation.
Ron continued that most wizards are half-blood anyway as they would have died out without marrying muggles.
Draco wrinkled his nose. He might agree that muggleborns were not necessarily less capable magically than purebloods, but that didn't mean he would ever want to marry a muggle. Yuck.
Hagrid stated he didn't blame Ron for trying to curse him, but that it was probably a good thing Ron had missed, given what Lucius Malfoy might do if someone cursed his son.
Harry, Ron and Hermione all threw dark looks at Draco, thinking about Buckbeak.
Harry would have pointed out that trouble didn't come much worse than having slugs pouring out of your mouth, but Hagrid's treacle fudge had cemented his jaws together.
Everyone chuckled, glad for a bit of levity after such a weighty discussion. They hoped that the word mudblood wouldn't be uttered again, although some of them suspected that they would certainly not be getting their wish.
Hagrid abruptly changed the subject, saying he's heard Harry had been giving out signed photos and wondered why he hadn't gotten one.
Everyone, except Harry, Narcissa and Severus, all chuckled at that.
"Stupid Colin," Harry grumbled under his breath. "Stupid Lockhart."
Furious, Harry wrenched his teeth apart. He angrily protested that he hadn't but saw Hagrid was laughing. Hagrid said he was only joking and patted Harry on the back so hard he slammed into the table.
They all winced.
"Hagrid really needs to learn his own strength," Harry complained, feeling his nose in remembered pain.
"Yeah. I like my ribs in one piece," Ron agreed.
He continued that he had told Lockhart that Harry didn't need to as he was more famous than Lockhart without trying.
"Bet he didn't like that," Pomona said vindictively.
"His face would have been priceless," Filius agreed with a chuckle.
Harry stated he bet Lockhart didn't like that. Hagrid agreed and added he had told him he'd never read one of his books. After that he decided to go.
"So, there is a trick to getting rid of him easily. Wish I'd known about that back then," Minerva muttered.
"Don't we all," Pomona agreed.
"I'm still impressed Severus didn't poison him after the Valentine's stunt," Filius chuckled. "That would have solved all of our problems."
"Severus would never murder another member of staff," Dumbledore said cheerily.
"Don't count on it," Severus muttered.
"I wouldn't bet on that," Moody snarled at the same time. They exchanged a look of horror at having said basically the same thing. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.
Hagrid offered Ron some fudge.
"Bad idea," Bill laughed. "You don't want your mouth glued shut when belching slugs." Everyone grimaced.
Ron declined. Hagrid then showed the group his pumpkins behind his hut which were each the size of a large boulder. Harry asked what he'd been feeding them and, after checking they were alone, Hagrid admitted to giving them some 'help'. Harry noticed his pink umbrella nearby that almost certainly contained the pieces of Hagrid's wand in.
"Only a strong impression?" Bill chuckled.
"Well, I'd never definitively proven it one way or the other." Harry shrugged.
"That's very dangerous. Aside from the fact he only completed three years' worth of schooling and isn't allowed to use magic, his wand was snapped. Using a broken wand is never a good idea, as we are seeing with Ronald," Kingsley stated.
"Agreed. Dumbledore, you should have put a stop to this," Amelia agreed. "Not only is it illegal, it's also downright dangerous."
"Hagrid would never hurt a student," Dumbledore stated, waving away the complaints. Draco scoffed.
"Not on purpose, maybe. But accidents happen," Emmeline said, pursing her lips.
Hagrid wasn't supposed to use magic. He had been expelled from Hogwarts in his third year, but Harry had never found out why as Hagrid would change the subject when asked.
Harry and Ron smirked at each other. Harry hoped that one it was discovered that Hagrid was innocent, Amelia would be able to get the charges lifted so Hagrid could learn magic again, if he wanted to.
Hermione was both disapproving and amused as she guessed he used an engorgement charm and then said he'd done a good job on them. Hagrid commented that Ginny had said the same thing. He made a joke about her wanting a signed photo.
Ginny blushed furiously.
Harry told him to shut up as Ron snorted with laughter and sprayed slugs all over the ground.
Draco snickered.
Hagrid pulled him away from the pumpkins, telling him to watch it. At lunchtime, the trio made their way back to Hogwarts, running into Professor McGonagall who told Ron and Harry they had detention that evening. Ron was cleaning the trophy room with Filch.
"Not what you want when you're throwing up slugs," Charlie winced.
"Let's hope it's worn off by then," Tonks agreed. Ron pulled a face.
Harry was to help Lockhart answer his fan mail.
"Ouch," Kingsley winced. "That's harsh."
"Extra time with Lockhart? Yuck." Tonks mimed throwing up.
"I'd rather have Filch," Fred agreed.
Harry asked if he could do the trophy room as well. McGonagall raised her eyebrows, saying he couldn't.
"It's not often people want to clean the trophy room with Argus," Minerva muttered.
"Heck, I'd have taken detention with Snape over Lockhart," Tonks scoffed. Several people nodded. Severus looked like he wasn't sure if he should be offended or not and settled for glaring at Tonks.
She stated Lockhart had requested Harry specially and that they would both begin detention at eight.
"He didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?" Remus asked Harry in concern.
"What?" Harry frowned. "Oh! Ew! NO!"
"He has shown far too much interest in you and seems to have a fondness for being inappropriately…hands on," Sirius agreed with a dangerous look on his face.
"Nothing like that happened!" Harry told them quickly, disgust all over his face at the very idea. "Ever." Remus stared at him intently for a few moments before nodding.
"Still, I don't like it," he muttered.
"He's gone now," Kingsley reminded them. Both Marauders continued frowning but said nothing further.
Harry and Ron headed into the Great Hall while Hermione trailed behind wearing an expression suggesting they deserved it for breaking the rules. Both boys thought they had the worse end of the deal.
"I'm with Harry on that one," Fred stated.
"Me too, sorry Ronnie," George agreed.
"Don't worry, I'd rather have had my detention too," Ron assured them. Even with the slug incident.
Ron complained that Filch would have him there all night and that he couldn't use magic. He stated he was no good at muggle cleaning.
"You say that like you're any good at magical cleaning," Percy said in amusement. Ron's ears turned pink.
Harry stated he'd swap anytime as he had a lot of practice with muggle cleaning from the Dursleys.
Several people scowled at the reminder.
He continued that Lockhart would be a nightmare. At five to eight, Harry dragged his feet along the corridor to Lockhart's office. Lockhart answered the door with a beaming smile and let him in, calling him a scallywag.
Many of the adults rolled their eyes.
On the walls were many framed photographs of Lockhart himself, some of which had even been signed.
Bill whistled. "That's some impressive narcissism."
"It's disgusting," Tonks corrected. "I can't believe he even signed them!"
"Not even Sirius is that vain," Remus noted.
"I'm more surprised he hadn't signed all of them," Ron scoffed. "He'd sign anything if it sat still long enough."
A large pile sat on the desk. Lockhart told him he could address the envelopes with an air that suggested he thought this a huge treat.
"He probably does think it's a treat," Sirius snorted.
The first one was to be addressed to a Gladys Gudgeon. Lockhart kept talking but Harry tuned him out, occasionally hearing phrases like 'fame is a fickle friend, Harry' or 'celebrity is as celebrity does'.
"He's not wrong about the fame being fickle comment," Kingsley said in mild surprise that Lockhart had something of actual worth to say.
"How can anyone talk so much?" Emmeline wanted to know. "Did he ever stop?"
"Only to breathe," Harry complained.
"At least he didn't quiz you on stuff he said," Draco chuckled.
"I'd have done as well as I did in the first lesson's quiz," Harry snorted.
As time dragged on, Harry desperately thought it must be nearly time to leave. Then he heard a voice. A chilling voice of ice-cold venom that said: Come… come to me… let me rip you… let me tear you… let me kill you…"
Ginny turned ashen.
"What?" Kingsley yelped.
"What was that?" Sirius demanded, clutching Harry.
The teacher's all exchanged horrified looks. So early. The monster had been roaming around since the first week back. Honestly, they couldn't believe there had only been four separate incidents, not counting Miss Weasley being taken to the Chamber, and that none had turned out to be fatal.
"Er…you'll see?" Harry offered weakly.
"Lockhart must have wet himself, hearing that," Tonks joked. A few people gave forced laughs.
Harry gave a huge jump and asked what. Lockhart said he knew, six months at the top of the bestseller list.
"He didn't hear it?" Remus' eyebrows rose.
"Well, I suppose it would have been difficult to hear over the sound of his own prattling," Charlie offered dubiously.
Harry said the voice. Lockhart didn't appear to have heard it and commented he might be getting a little drowsy. Checking the time, he realised they had been there for four hours and stated that time had flown.
"Four hours of Lockhart's fan mail?" Sirius winced. "That's torture." Harry nodded.
Harry tried to hear the voice but there was no sound other than Lockhart telling him not to expect this kind of treat every time he got detention. Harry left.
"Treat? Bleugh!" Tonks scoffed.
"Of course he thought it was a treat. He probably just wanted to do it so he could brag about how he mentored the great Harry Potter or something. Extra publicity," Bill said derisively.
"I wouldn't put it past him," Percy agreed.
It was so late that the Gryffindor common room was almost empty. Harry went straight up to the dormitory, but Ron wasn't back yet. Harry got into bed and waited. Half an hour later, Ron arrived, nursing his right arm and bringing a strong smell of polish into the darkened room.
"Half twelve? That's nasty. At least it's Sunday so you can have a lie in," Charlie said.
Ron complained his muscles had all seized up as he had to buff the Quidditch cup fourteen times. And he had had a slug attack over a Special Award for Services to the School.
"I can't believe that of all the hundreds of trophies in there, I threw up on that one," Ron muttered to Harry and Hermione. They both nodded, it was quite astonishing.
"You threw up slugs on Lord Voldemort's school trophy," Harry snorted, not having thought about it like that before. Ron blinked before bursting out laughing. Several people stared at him but none of the trio explained.
Then he asked how Lockhart was. Harry explained about the voice. Ron frowned at the fact that Lockhart couldn't hear it. He wondered if he was lying. Then added that someone invisible would have had to open the door.
"Not necessarily. Peeves can turn himself invisible and doesn't need a door," George pointed out.
"But Lockhart would have heard it if it were Peeves," Ted reminded him. "And he wouldn't have only done it the once."
"Yeah," Fred agreed. "Besides, that's not Peeves' style. He doesn't do creepy."
"Just annoying," Percy muttered.
Harry said he didn't get it either.
"That's the end of the chapter," Molly announced, looking worriedly at Ginny, who was still very pale. Arthur reluctantly took the book from his wife.