A/N - I am so excited for this story. There are so many ideas swirling in my brain! I've been wanting to write a story for a long time, but have never taken the time to follow though. But here I am! I am doing it. I hope you all enjoy this story, and it holds you over until April 7th (Whoop Whoop, we FINALLY got a premiere date!) * I did say this story picks up after the final scene off S10 E12, however, this first chapter is a look into the feelings I imagine Elizabeth was feeling leading up to that final scene! Enjoy*
Sad. Elizabeth felt sad. It was the only way she could describe it. It was completely normal given the hard decisions she had just made. While she knew she made the correct decision, it was still hard to know she had broken Lucas' heart. Even if he knew things weren't right between them as of late, he was obviously still hopeful. Hopeful that things would soon shift back to normal...
Although she felt an immense amount of peace moving forward, she recognized the fact that she would need time to heal. Fully heal from the loss of Jack. Because she recently realized she didn't allow herself to fully heal. She was caught up in welcoming little Jack into the world, and then shortly after she was hit with the verity of two suitors. She had been so caught up in life, she almost forgot to let herself grieve. When it came down to almost marrying someone else, he mind was filled with untold thoughts. Thoughts she wrestled within herself for months — before finally working up the nerve to mention it to Rosemary.
While she knew she cared for Lucas, it became more known to her that she couldn't see herself with him for the rest of her life. She couldn't see him as the only father Little Jack would every know. While he had a great relationship with her small son, it resembled a relationship an uncle would share with his nephew. Another thought she wrestled what the fact that she came to Hope Valley — then Coal Valley — to get away from the grand lifestyle she lived back in Hamilton. Once she broke out the mold she has been in, she truly found herself. She enjoyed the more simple, slower pace lifestyle. Being with Lucas, would bring back too many things that had once confined her. She did not want to go back to that lifestyle, and at the same time, she couldn't ask Lucas to leave that lifestyle. He thrived in it. He was made for it.
When she finally decided to stop wrestling the thoughts and tell him how she felt, she felt immediate relief. After allowing herself time to think and ponder on her decisions, she knew she had to talk to Jack. She felt things were shifting. She wanted to be ready. A step in the right direction would be slowing herself down. She needed to confide in Jack and share with him what had been on her mind.
As she rode off from her visit with Jack, she felt lighter. But she still was hit with the reality of Nathan being distant. They really only had the one conversation since he confronted her about what she wanted in the schoolhouse. In that one conversation he apologized, but she told him that she really did need to hear what he had to say to her. Other than running into her by accident then, he had seemed quite avoidant. While riding through the open fields, she said a quick prayer - "Please God. If I am supposed to open myself up to Nathan and overcome my fears, let me run into him naturally. Let me be able to share my feelings with him as easily as I can with Jack. Amen" —
A/N - Hope everyone enjoyed that! It was pretty short and slow.. I'm trying to set the framework for a good story. Remember, this is my first one to write, so it's not the most skilled. But I enjoy this as a creative outlet.