Repost of my secret santa fic.
...
Snow falls softly from the sky and Donna simply watches it. This is her favorite time of the year, well, aside from Halloween of course. But there's something so magical about December and the Christmas spirit. She's always joyful during this month, but this year seems so different, there's a constant knot in her stomach that doesn't allow her to fully enjoy the season to be jolly as she normally would.
And like pretty much everything else in her life, it has to do with Harvey.
He and Paula seem to be stronger than ever, but Donna can't seem to be able to get past the feeling of his lips on hers that night she decided to push the boundaries, to surpass her own rule and plant her lips against his in a searing kiss he more than returned.
She usually wonders what would have happened if she hadn't walked out on him, but she knows it's for the best that she did.
He told her to never do something like that again, and she told him she didn't feel anything.
She lied.
He said he had to keep a secret from Paula because of what she did, and she honestly doesn't know if he actually told her or not, because they haven't been speaking. All she knows is that they are apparently happy and in love. She's seen Paula in his office more than once and she has even exchanged greetings with the British woman so her money is on him not having told his girlfriend about the kiss.
"Hey, you got a minute?" She's pulled out of her thoughts as she turns around to find Louis entering her office.
"Sure" She says with a forced smile.
"Listen, I'm hosting a pre-Christmas party at my house in the Hamptons on Saturday. Everyone is invited. It's my first holiday with Sheila since we got back together and we want to go big on celebrations"
"Um, Louis I'm very happy for you but—" She's interrupted by her friend before she can even attempt to come up with an excuse not to attend.
"Donna, come on. You and Harvey are my closest friends, I want you both there. Please" He begs softly and that is her undoing, because she loves Louis, he is one of her closest friends too and she should be there for him to celebrate that he got back together with the love of his life. At least one of them got their happy ending and it's definitely something worth putting her heartache aside for, and she should try to enjoy this for Louis' sake.
"Is Harvey going?" she asks and Louis nods. "And he's not going alone" She states, not having to ask that.
"No, he's not. And I know things have been awkward between you two after the um… You know" He says, being the only one to know about the kiss aside from Rachel.
"I do" She whispers "I'll be there, Louis" She confirms and he grins widely.
"Thank you, Donna"
"Is it only for firm members?"
"And a few clients, you know, the bigger ones, like Thomas Kessler for example" He tries to make the comment look casual but Donna smiles knowingly.
"We have way bigger clients than Kessler, Louis, and I'm not looking to be with anyone. I've told you this already"
"Yeah, well. Wait until you meet him. You guys are a match made in heaven, I just know it"
"Whatever you say, Louis" She dismisses with a light chuckle at her friend's insistence for her to hook up with the successful businessman, who according to Louis looks like an Adonis and could give Harvey a run for his money any day.
He leaves her office and Donna is once again left to her thoughts, trying to figure out how she's going to spend a whole evening with Harvey and Paula being all lovey-dovey around her.
…
"Do I have to wear a tux?" Mike asks as he throws a baseball up in the air. "Cause they're totally uncomfortable" At the lack of response he stops playing with the ball and looks at the Managing Partner. "Maybe I could just wear a flamingo pink suit. I think it would look great on me, you could even wear the same so we can have matching outfits"
Harvey only hums out a response as he continues to look over a stack of documents and Mike sighs. Harvey's been beyond distracted these past few weeks and the junior partner knows he's been busy, a load of work having come his way but there's also something else, and he's pretty sure it has to do with the redhead next door, so he tries a different approach to get his boss to listen to him.
"Louis said everyone can bring a date. You think Donna is bringing anyone?" And bingo! that makes Harvey snap his head up and look at Mike.
"I dunno" He mumbles "I don't think so"
"Why not? I mean she's a beautiful woman and—"
"Mike, you wanna gossip about Donna's love life, go to Rachel and leave me alone" Harvey cuts him off sternly.
"I'm just saying I don't want her to be lonely" Something flashes in front of Harvey's eyes for the fraction of a second but it's gone and Mike is left wondering if he imagined it.
"That's not up to you" He says, getting truly annoyed with the conversation.
"I think Louis is trying to set her up with a client of his"
The managing partner closes his eyes and shakes his head at his friend's insistence on the matter. A pang of something he hates and recognizes as jealousy hitting him in the gut. He's supposed to be over those feelings by now.
"It's just that we all have someone… All except for her and I want her to be happy"
Mike's words get to him in a way Harvey doesn't particularly like. He's always wanted Donna's happiness, and he knows that more than once he's been the reason behind her relationships not working out. It makes him feel like an asshole.
"Louis doesn't even know if she's looking to be with someone" Harvey finally says.
"I shouldn't be telling you this but…." He hesitates for a second but Harvey's piercing glare makes him finish his sentence, maybe he'll try to make his friend see the light one more time. "She told Rachel she'd like to have someone to share her life with"
Harvey swallows visibly, a knot in his throat preventing him from uttering any word to reply to Mike's statement.
He lets out a long breath "She's amazing, so I'm sure she will" His voice is barely above a whisper.
Donna being open to find a man to share her life with is not something he was prepared to hear, but he can't continue to be this selfish. He's with Paula, she's the woman he chose to be with and Donna deserves to find a man worthy of her, someone who can face his feelings and be open about them.
She deserves someone who is more capable of making her laugh than he's capable of making her cry. And he honestly doesn't think he could ever be that man.
"Yeah, let's just hope it's the right guy"
Before Harvey can say anything else, Mike stands and leaves his boss' office.
He leans back on his chair, a pensive look on his face as he absorbs everything Mike's just told him. He glances to his right, to the wall that separates him from the redhead in question and wonders if he's made the right choice at keeping her at arms length all these years. It doesn't matter though, he's with Paula and he is decisive to make his relationship work, so he shakes his thoughts and his feelings off and tries to focus back on his work.
…
Later that day, Donna walks into Louis' office without noticing he's not alone.
"Louis I need these signed by—" She halts when a tall dark haired man stands and turns to face her and my god, he's gorgeous, is the first thing she thinks. "I'm so sorry, I can come back later"
"Oh no, that's okay" Louis rushes to say "Donna, this is Thomas Kessler, I've been meaning to introduce you so your timing is perfect"
"Pleasure to meet you" Thomas says as he takes her hand and softly kisses it in a chivalrous gesture she wasn't prepared for "Louis told me all about how amazing his COO is"
"Oh, thank you. It's nice to meet you, too" She manages to reply without babbling. And she's usually a very confident woman, but there's just something about him that makes her feel as giddy as a teenager, maybe it's the fact that he looks taken straight out of a Jane Austen novel.
They get involved in trivial talk about the firm, her position, his case and she can see the light smirk on Louis' face, triumphant of having been proved right, he did told her she'd like Thomas and she certainly does.
"Well, Thomas it's been a pleasure but I should really get back to work" She says a few minutes later.
"Of course, I'm sorry for keeping you" He replies with a smile.
"That's perfectly fine" She reassures him.
"I'll surely see you at Louis' venue, won't I?" He asks with a glint in his eyes and she nods before she replies.
"Of course you will"
"I'll be looking forward to it" He says, the grin never leaving his face.
"So will I" She says back.
She bids them both goodbye and walks out of Louis' office with a dreamy look and a grin. What the hell was that? She can't remember the last time she felt so enchanted by someone, she's pretty sure it hasn't happened for a while, and the feeling makes her feel all giddy inside.
It's wiped out of her face the second she runs into Harvey though.
"Hey" He says with the business tone he's had with her for the past few weeks.
"Hey" She says back, and can't help but compare the way he makes her feel, so opposite to the way she was feeling only a minute ago. "Have you signed the documents I left on your desk?" She asks, because business is all they seem to be able to talk about lately.
"I have, my secretary gave them back to yours"
"Good" She whispers and walks past him.
"Donna" He calls her back and she turns to look at him "I'm bringing Paula to Louis' Christmas party"
"Of course you are" Donna says with a slight frown, not understanding why he feels the need to clarify that. Paula is his girlfriend, so she's surely expected to attend.
"The reason I'm telling you it's because she doesn't know… about—"
"You know I would never say a word" She retorts, offended he would think she'd ever say anything that could hurt his relationship. And maybe it's uncalled for, since only a few weeks ago she actually did something that could have ended his relationship with Paula when she decided to kiss him in the middle of her office.
"I know, I just… Forget it, it doesn't matter" He tries to brush it off.
"Of course it doesn't" She whispers with a slight shake of her head as she walks right back into her office.
…
Donna looks at herself in the mirror one last time before deciding it's time to leave. Louis told her to drive there comfortably since there's plenty of rooms to get ready for the party once she arrives. Despite his offer, Donna already has her hair and make-up done, so all there's left to do when she gets to Los Hamptons is put on the dark green dress she picked for the evening.
Louis also offered to give her a ride there, but she rejected his offer as well as Mike and Rachel's. She had a ton of work to do and with the office being empty she was able to focus more on her work to finish it on time to start the over two hours drive to Louis' beach house. She also wanted to spend as little time with Harvey and Paula as possible. So making it with little time to spare before the party starts seemed like a great option.
Now back at her place and with everything necessary packed up, she decides it's time to leave.
She hops into her rental car and turns on the heat as soon as she does since it's not only freezing but also snowing which makes it even worse, and goddamn Louis, why couldn't he just host a party at his house here in New York?, which happens to be twenty blocks from her building. Nooo, he had to make them all travel in terrible weather to his Hamptons state.
Thankfully there aren't so many cars out there so the traffic is light, staying home in heavy snow weather being probably a wise choice, one she doesn't get to make and she wonders if everyone is already there.
She carefully drives through the so far not so heavy blizzard and she's grateful for it. After over an hour of driving her cell phone rings and she can see in the car's screen that it's Rachel calling. She presses a button on the wheel to take the call.
She can hear her friend's voice through the car's speakers a second later.
"Donna! Thank god, are you close? We have the news on and they are warning people to stay in because of the blizzard"
"Relax Rachel, I'm already on the highway and the blizzard is not so bad. According to my GPS I should be there in around an hour" She tries to reassure her panicking friend.
"Okay, great" Rachel says, apparently more at ease now that she talked to Donna.
"Is everyone already there?" She asks and Rachel doesn't reply until a few seconds later and Donna supposes she moved somewhere else to have privacy.
"Thomas is very much looking forward to your arrival and Harvey is worried sick, looking at the driveway through the window every five minutes. Paula seems a little green at the moment, she may even turn into She-Hulk soon" She almost giggles at her own joke as she explains the situation and Donna rolls her eyes.
"Stop it" She simply tells her friend.
"Hey, you asked" Rachel defends herself.
"That's not what I asked" The redhead retorts.
"Alright then. Yes, everyone's already here drinking ponche and eggnog"
"Good. I'll see you in a bit"
"Okay, bye"
She ends the call with a sigh. She's not surprised by what she said about Harvey. She believes he's worried, she knows how much he cares, but he will never care in the way she needs him to.
She thinks back to the one and only time she got to call him hers, at least for a few hours, thirteen long years ago. She never told him this but he was right. She was afraid to fall for him, and she did, so hard that she never actually got over him. Had she known he'd linger for so long , forever present in her heart, she never would have agreed to spend the night with him in the first place all those years ago. Maybe if she didn't know what having him feels like, she wouldn't be feeling this way.
And then there's Thomas. A fresh gulp of air, even if she's only seen the man once, she's excited to see him again tonight, she felt a connection the other day and she's pretty sure he felt it too, besides, Rachel made it clear that he's excitedly waiting for her arrival, and Donna thinks that maybe it's finally time to leave Harvey behind and find happiness with someone else, and Thomas Kessler could just be the perfect man for a fresh start.
…
"Rachel, calm down, you talked to her already and she said she's fine" Mike tells his fiancé who's pacing the hallway impatiently, looking out the window every thirty seconds.
"Yes, and she said she was an hour away, it's been almost two hours and she hasn't arrived" Rachel replies, her nerves getting the best of her.
"I'm sure she's fine and driving slower than normal because of the weather"
"Which has gotten worse in the past half an hour" She retorts. Mike rolls his eyes and lets her be, returning to the living room where he can see Harvey just like he left him a few minutes ago, sitting on the couch, nursing a scotch while he bounces his leg anxiously, an annoyed Paula Agard sitting next to him.
Mike pours himself a drink and sits on a single couch opposite to Harvey.
"Rachel's beside herself" He comments and Harvey frowns.
"Well, to be honest, I'm starting to worry too" He replies into his glass before downing a long sip of his drink.
"Just starting?" Paula comments under her breath, Harvey only looks at her sideways briefly with what Mike can clearly distinguish as a glare, but he doesn't respond to Paula's comment.
Mike's about to break the silence, when Rachel comes into the room looking pale.
"Mike, Donna just called again, we have to go get her, she got stuck on the road, her car broke and the blizzard is getting heavier"
Harvey jumps out of the couch he was sitting on and shakes his head "No, I'll go get her. Where is she?"
"A few miles from here, I'll send you the location" Rachel rushes to say as she looks through her phone.
"Harvey, you've been drinking, you can't drive" Paula interjects immediately.
"I'm not drunk, Paula. She's is in fucking danger out there on her own"
"I'm not saying no one should go get her, I'm just saying it doesn't have to be you"
"She's right" Harvey looks behind his shoulder, ready to kill whoever just spoke, only to find Thomas goddamn Kessler with a determined look. "Besides in this weather my car is safer to drive and get Donna back safely"
Harvey has to admit the man is right. Getting a sports car from the car club wasn't the smartest decision he made, Thomas' SUV is far more prepared for the road with the current weather.
Rachel looks at Harvey, as if waiting for his approval and he nods his head to her almost imperceptibly.
"Thomas, please give me your phone number so I can text you her location" Rachel requests and Thomas doesn't waste a second before giving her the information she asked for.
Harvey can't bring himself to sit back and wait, he's been worried sick for the past few hours and now he knows that she is effectively not okay and his worry has increased greatly and he can't do a damn thing about it, he can't go after her, and his only option is waiting for Thomas to be successful in his quest to bring Donna safely. He hates feeling so powerless, it should be his job to look after Donna, to protect her like he has done for the past thirteen years, it should be, but it's not.
…
Donna rubs her gloved hands and bounces her leg up and down as she looks out the window at how the blizzard gets heavier by the second, and she hopes Rachel can send someone to help her soon. She's alone, in a broken car in the middle of the road, and she's a very brave woman, but she supposes anyone would be scared and upset in a situation like this.
She's not sure how long she sits in the car waiting, but at some point she sees a car pull over ahead of hers, and she sighs in relief when she sees Thomas get out of the vehicle.
She gets out of the car herself and without thinking jumps into Thomas' arms, he seems a bit caught off guard at first but immediately returns the hug.
"Thank you so much for coming" She whispers and he squeezes her waist in return.
"Of course. Are you okay?" He asks as he pulls back and quickly examines her.
"Nearly freezing, but I'm okay"
"Okay. Get in the car, the heat is on. I'll get your stuff so we can get out of here" She nods and does as told as Thomas grabs her things and makes sure to lock Donna's car before joining her.
"Did Rachel send you?" She asks once he gets behind the wheel.
"Um, no, I offered" He looks hesitant for a second or so before he speaks again "Harvey wanted to come, but he had been drinking and his car wasn't particularly accurate for this weather" Donna nods slowly, taking the information in. "Everyone was worried"
"I hope Louis reconsiders next year. He could have hosted the party at his home in New York" She comments and Thomas chuckles.
"If not, we may have to decline"
"We could have our own party back in the city" She says next, surprising even herself with the retort.
"I'd very much like that" Thomas replies with a smile.
Donna wasn't far from Louis' place when her car decided to leave her on her own, so it's not a long drive, though it's long enough for Thomas to entertain her with some holiday stories from his younger days and she tells him some too in return. She kinda wishes the drive was longer so she can spend more time alone with him and get to know him better, but she supposes there'll be plenty of time for that when they get back to New York.
Once he parks the car on Louis' driveway he turns to Donna "Allow me" He simply says as he gets out of the car and a few seconds later he opens her door, extending his hand to help her out.
"And they say chivalry is dead" Donna teases with a smirk.
"Not at all" He replies with an equal expression. "Go ahead, I'm right behind you" He tells her before opening the trunk of the car to get her bag.
She walks up the steps to the front door and before she can ring the bell, the door is snapped open and a flash of dark brown hair is all she sees before she's engulfed in a tight hug.
"Thank god you're okay. I was worried sick" Rachel murmurs into her shoulder and Donna squeezes her tightly.
"I'm fine" She reassures her best friend who steps aside to let them into the warmth of the house.
"They're here!" Louis exclaims and he takes his turn hugging Donna. "I'm so happy you're safe"
"Next time, let's stay in the city, shall we?" She tells Louis who gives her a timid smile and nods.
"Well, if we had, prince charming wouldn't have had a chance to come to your rescue" She panics at the possibility of Thomas hearing Louis but when she looks behind her shoulder she sees him talking to Mike. "You want a hot chocolate?" Louis offers but Donna shakes her head
"No, I want a hot shower"
"You can use the bathroom upstairs, take all the time you need" She smiles gratefully and quickly greets some associates and clients she crosses paths with on her way upstairs.
Right as she's about to step on the staircase, she sees Harvey walking by it on his way to the living room, she supposes.
"You made it" Is all he says. A deep and even upset tone coloring his voice.
"I did" She retorts curtly.
"We're lucky Kessler's such a brave guy" His ironic tone is not lost on her, and she's so tired of putting up with his shit.
"We really are. Otherwise I'd still be out there"
"No, you wouldn't"
"Oh, that's right, you would have come to my rescue, right? Had your girlfriend allowed you to"
"My girlfriend doesn't allow me to do anything. And yes, I would have come, but he was desperate to be your knight in shining armor"
Donna rolls her eyes and sighs "Follow me" She says curtly when she notices a few people passing by them.
She opens a door to her right and Harvey steps in behind her, he realizes this is Louis' study and remembers Donna helped him purchase the property a few years ago, so it makes sense she knows it well.
"What the fuck is your problem?!" She snaps at him the moment he closes the door behind him.
"My problem?! Well, let's see" He lifts an arm as if to make his point "How about the fact that you're sleeping with a client and I don't even know about it!?"
"Where the hell did you get that from?!" She exclaims back furiously.
"It's pretty obvious to me. You think I didn't see you the other day in Louis' office? Half the firm probably knows by now that you're fucking him" He screams back and she gasps at his choice of words. He's never been so openly upset about her seeing someone, not even with Stephen Huntley, and he's not even in the right this time. Nothing has happened between her and Thomas, nothing more than playful flirting, not yet at least.
"How dare you talk to me like that? How dare you be this upset about what you assume is my lovelife when your girlfriend is in the next room?"
"Don't you dare bring Paula into this. This isn't about me being jealous, this is about me being the Managing Partner of the firm and wanting to know if my COO is sleeping with a client"
"Well you have nothing to worry about then. Thomas and I are two consenting adults, whatever you think he and I have won't hurt the firm in any way"
"So you are sleeping with him" He lets out a scoff and shakes his head.
"What is it to you if I am? He's a good man, and he's not afraid not show me he cares about me"
It's a low blow, she knows it, and she hasn't even interacted with Thomas that much to be honest, but Harvey's hurt her so much during the past few months, especially after she made the impulsive decision to kiss him, that she feels the need to hurt him back.
"You think I don't care about you?" He screams, incredulous of the accusation.
"Not everything is about you, Harvey!" She screams back "You're happy with Paula, and I have accepted that, why can't you let me be happy with someone else for once?"
"And if that's what you want, if you're really so desperate to find a guy, why the fuck did you kiss me?!"
"I'm not desperate to be with anyone! And we've already had this conversation. You made me promise to never do that again, and I told you I won't"
"You also said you felt nothing!" He says in an accusatory tone.
"And isn't that exactly what you wanted to hear, Harvey?!"
He opens and closes his mouth like a gulping fish "I…" He trails off and she shakes her head in annoyance, so goddamn tired of this endless game they've been playing at for the past thirteen years.
"Forget it Harvey. It's been a long day. I just want to try and enjoy the rest of the evening, so just forget it" She sounds defeated and he considers saying something, confessing that few things have hurt him as much as her telling him she felt nothing did, but he decides against it. She was clear about her feelings, and now she's with Thomas anyway, and he still has a girlfriend. So it would make no sense to screw things over even more by making some stupid confession he won't be able to come back from.
"Yeah, we're experts on putting things out of our minds anyway" Is what he voices instead, twisting the knife even harder, reminding her it was her who put a barrier between them thirteen years ago, bound by her rule, the same rule she broke with Stephen and the same one she's breaking with Thomas now. Because apparently, it only ever applies to him.
She shakes her head in disappointment and walks past him. She wraps her hand around the door handle but looks at him behind her shoulder before opening the door "Just so you know, I'm not sleeping with him" She says softly before walking out of the room, missing the sigh of relief that leaves his lips once he's left alone.
As she heads towards the staircase she sees a flash of blonde hair rounding the corner. She thinks it's Paula but she can't be completely sure, so she simply lets it go and heads upstairs for that very needed hot shower.
…
Paula sits on the couch, quietly sipping on her wine and waiting for her boyfriend to come back to the room.
She knows she shouldn't have followed Harvey when he simply got up and left the room, but something urged her to, and now she completely regrets it.
From the moment Harvey told her about Donna, that night almost two years ago when he came to her door desperate in need of sleeping pills because the absence of the woman that had been by his side for twelve years was killing him, she knew there was something much deeper than what he tried to let on. During his sessions, he always talked about him being upset by her decision to leave him because of how much he cares about loyalty and because he felt betrayed by the one person he thought would never betray him, but that was not all and Paula has always known better.
You don't get panic attacks overnight just because you need to find a new secretary, she's always known that for years Donna has been a fundamental part of her boyfriend's life and since the moment she accepted to be in a relationship with Harvey, she knew Donna was always going to be between them. Anyone can tell the redhead has unresolved feelings for Harvey, Paula knows that, she knows that Donna is most likely in love with her boss, and she felt so victorious when Harvey chose her and told her he was all in, but the truth is, she's been fooling herself.
She has suspected for a few weeks now that something happened between her boyfriend and the COO, but nothing could have prepared her for the confirmation of the fact, coming right out of Harvey's mouth as he confronted Donna in Louis' study a mere few minutes ago.
They had kissed, and based on Harvey's words, Donna's the one who initiated the kiss, and that could matter to Paula had she not so clearly heard the anger and the jealousy in Harvey's voice, because it was completely clear that the man is beyond jealous of Donna's apparent closeness with a firm's client.
Harvey comes back into the room around a minute after she herself came back, and Paula contemplates confronting him about what she heard, but she decides this is neither the time nor the place. It would ensue an argument and there's nowhere to go if things go south. The conversation will have to wait until they're alone.
"Where were you?" She asks when he resumes his position next to her.
"Mingling" Is all he replies and she nods before taking a long sip of her drink.
…
Time goes by excruciatingly slowly for Harvey. Around an hour ago Donna came down the stairs looking amazing in a deep green dress, and if he didn't know better he'd think that she picked that color on purpose, aware that it's his favorite color on her.
Ever since she came down, she and Kessler have been attached to the hip, they have mingled with a few clients and even with some associates but they haven't been apart for more than a minute. It seems to Harvey that it's as if they gravitate towards each other and he fucking hates it.
He's also pretty sure his girlfriend has noticed how upset he is, but he honestly can't bring himself to care. He's locked eyes with Donna twice or thrice but she looks away as quickly as their eyes lock, and when she's talking to Thomas it's the complete opposite, he can almost sense her eyes shining every time she laughs at some stupid joke the guy probably made.
Louis insists on everyone dancing to some stupid ballad he put on the record player and Harvey sighs. He hates dancing, he's actually very good at it, but he is not entertained with the idea of doing it in front of others, especially when all he can think about is the few times he got to dance with Donna at some firm event or even the occasional time in his office, after a very long day of work, his dad's music in the background, both of them having had one or two drinks too many, and she would let him lead her, turning his office into a dance floor filled with laughter and the familiarity of having a good time with your best friend.
He swallows thickly as Paula pretty much forces him into the improvised dance floor on Louis' huge living room. He tries not to get too emotional, he can't let it show that this distance he and Donna find between them is killing him, he can't beg her in front of everyone for things to go back to normal, or better yet, for things to change completely between them, to finally take the leap and try for more. It's all he's wanted since he got to feel her lips on his after longing for it for so long.
Instead, he leads his girlfriend as she clings to him, claiming him for everyone to see he belongs to her, when he really doesn't. He belongs to the woman who's now pressed tightly into another man's body, and he's forced to watch how Donna rests her head on his chest while Thomas expertly swings them to the music, he occasionally says something to her ear and she smiles, a genuine smile that he hasn't seen on her for a while now, and even if it hurts that he's not the man to make her smile like that anymore, seeing her happy brings a slight sad smile to his own face, which Paula notices.
"She looks happy" She comments thickly.
"She does. I'm happy for her" He whispers in return.
"I'm sure you are" Her retort is filled with dread and Harvey looks down at her with furrowed eyebrows.
"She's my friend Paula, of course I am"
She scoffs and shakes her head "Friends don't—" She stops herself and he stops swaying her as he lets her go, waiting for her to finish the sentence.
"Friends don't what?" He presses but she simply shakes her head.
"Nothing, it's just you didn't seem happy when he was the one to go rescue her, that's all"
"Well, that's because I didn't know they were together, I mean I don't know if they are, but they sure look close"
"Don't worry, she still doesn't look at him the same way she looks at you" She bitterly replies.
"What are you talking about, Paula? Why are you doing this here?" He hisses angrily as he looks around them, making sure no one is paying them special attention. He caught Donna looking at them a few times, but that was it. She's not looking right now though, thankfully.
"I'm sorry, you're right, it's neither the time nor the place. I was out of place"
"It's alright, I know you're not Donna's biggest fan"
"I have nothing against her, Harvey. She surely knows your heart lies with me, and nothing's ever happened between you two anyway, right?" She looks right into his eyes, trying to decipher if she can see any trace of guilt in them, but she finds none...
"Right" He retorts quietly, and that's the final straw, she won't tolerate being lied to on her face like that. She's tried to give him an opening for him to come clean and he's chosen not to, so he'll now have to face the consequences of that decision.
"Then why did she kiss you?" She finally confronts him and the look of shock on his face is priceless.
…
Donna shares a complacent look with a grinning Rachel across the room as she holds onto Thomas while he expertly swings her to the slow song playing, but as nice as it feels to be in his arms she can't help to compare it to how it feels to be in Harvey's arms.
He's a great dancer, and more than once she's found herself in his arms as he made her laugh loudly while spinning her around a dancefloor. So many times she's found herself wishing they were more than two friends dancing and sharing a moment, she's wished to be his and for him to be hers for so long that she couldn't even remember when was it that she fell for him.
She glances at him dancing with Paula a few times, he catches her gaze a few of those times but she quickly diverts her eyes and tries to focus back on Thomas, but it's so hard to keep the facade up much longer.
Thomas is great, she likes him, she can see herself with him and she was excited to see him today, but apparently all her feelings for Thomas fade as soon as Harvey is in the same room as them, because they pale in comparison to how she feels about Harvey. There seems to be this invisible string between them, tying them together, making their bond unbreakable but never strong enough for them to take the final leap of faith at the same time, but she knows it's there, just like deep down she knows that Harvey is her soul mate, even if she might not be his.
She still puts on an act, nods and replies to Thomas everytime he asks her something, smiles at the right time, all while she watches the way Paula seems to cling to Harvey tonight, feeling the apparent need to make it clear to everyone, and especially to Donna, that he is hers.
And Donna knows she shouldn't feel this jealousy, she knows she has no right and she should be happy for Harvey finally finding someone to commit himself to. He was never her boyfriend, all they had was a one night stand too many years ago and a more recent kiss that turned out to be a huge mistake. Aside from that, friendship and professional loyalty is all she's had from him in the past thirteen years, so she has no reason and no right to feel any kind of claim over him.
She can tell at some point that Paula is upset and only seconds later she sees them apparently arguing, the therapist whispering angrily at him and glancing at Donna, who quickly looks away but by now she knows the fight they're having is probably about her.
She sees Harvey taking his girlfriend's hand as if to lead her to a more private setting, but then the unthinkable happens and Paula starts yelling at him in the middle of the living room.
"No! Don't you dare touch me, you lying, cheating prick!" The blonde exclaims as she steps away from her boyfriend.
Donna gasps and feels terrible for Harvey; she sees him close his eyes for a second and try to keep his composure at being exposed and humiliated in front of his employees and clients.
"We're not doing this here" He warns her and it's perfectly audible to most people in the room because the music has suddenly stopped.
"Why?!" Paula screams, beside herself, her usual calm and conciliatory personality completely gone "Because you don't want your whole firm to know you cheated on me with your COO?"
Donna's cheeks turn crimson red as all eyes are on her now and she wishes for earth to swallow her right this moment, especially when she sees Thomas' look of shock and disappointment.
"He's not… We're not…" She trails off at Thomas while shaking her head.
"It's okay, come on" He tells her as he takes her hand and starts leading her out of the room, but she's rooted to the spot, her eyes set on Harvey, hating herself for having put them both on this spot. She has no idea how Paula found out about the kiss, but she clearly knows and they wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for her reckless behavior.
"I am not cheating on you with anyone!" Harvey insists, desperately trying to reach Paula, probably to take her out of the room, but she won't let him.
"I bloody heard you!" She exclaims in her thick british accent "You confronted her about it an hour ago, and I wasn't going to say anything but I'm so tired of you looking at her all the goddamn time, not being able to hide how jealous you are, when you're supposed to be focusing on me!"
"Paula. I am not having this conversation here" He tells her dangerously low and Donna knows him, he's now trying very hard not to lose his temper. Paula knows it too, so she pours even more gas into the fire, seeking a reaction from him.
"I am not moving until you look me in the eyes and you tell me you felt nothing when she kissed you"
Harvey glares at his girlfriend and takes a deep breath "Are you insane?" He whispers-shouts "And what are you all looking at?" He snaps at the spying eyes and ears in the room, completely exasperated by the situation.
"Alright everyone, let's clear the place out" Louis takes charge and starts leading people out.
Donna starts heading out but a sharp voice stops her "No! You stay, you'll want to be here for this" Paula tells her as she turns her attention back to Harvey, who can see goddamn Kessler standing protectively behind Donna.
"Go on, Harvey, you owe me at least that much" Paula demands.
"I'll tell you everything, but not in front of her, leave her out of this" He says in a calmer tone.
"Oh for christ sakes! The woman you're supposed to love just found out you kissed another woman and all you care about is her wellbeing. You know what Harvey? You don't need to answer, I'll just do it for you since me figuring shit out for you is the only aspect of our relationship you seem to enjoy" By now Paula is trying really hard to contain her tears and Donna feels for her, because she knows better than anyone what it's like to be in love with Harvey Specter and have him take for granted your presence in his life. "You're in love with her!" Are the next words that leave her mouth as she points towards Donna with her hand. "And I figured it out around your third session to be honest, but my job was never about describing your feelings to you, Harvey. And you never will on your own because deep down you know I am right, but you're terrified of losing her. You prefer deceiving yourself and the person you're with into believing you'll ever be able to make a relationship work with anyone else, rather than risking not having Donna in your life if you screw it up. God forbid you screw her up like you did to the rest of us"
"Paula—" Is all that comes out of his mouth, his shock and embarrassment preventing him from formulating a decent sentence.
"Tell me I'm lying" She says in a softer tone now "Tell me I'm the woman you love, that it's me you see yourself building a life with. Tell me how happy you genuinely are that Donna apparently found a great guy to be with" She glances at Thomas who is quietly looking at the scene in front of him. "Look me in the eyes and tell me she's not the one you truly love, Harvey"
Donna expectantly looks at Harvey, and she's not sure what she would like for him to say, whether his answer is yes or no, both scare her equally to be honest.
"I can't" It's so low that Donna barely hears it, but it's also so clear at the same time.
"That's what I thought" Paula says, defeated as she looks at Donna "He's all yours, he's always been anyway" She tells the redhead who can't seem to be able to react to what just happened. "Sorry Thomas, better now than after you've fallen for her, trust me" She tells him and leaves the room then.
Thomas stands in front of Donna and looks at her, but there's nothing else that needs to be said. He knows right there and then that Paula is right, he has started to fall for a woman that belongs to someone else, and he supposes he should be thankful of the British woman for exposing the truth before he truly got hurt. He simply plants a small kiss on the top of Donna's head and follows Paula's path as he also leaves the room. The Managing Partner and the COO, the only ones left now.
"I'm sorry about that, it was humiliating" Harvey breaks the awkward silence.
"It's okay, we never should have that conversation tonight to begin with, her overhearing it was a possibility"
"She shouldn't have overheard a private conversation"
"She's your girlfriend, Harvey, you're not supposed to be having private conversations of that kind with another woman"
"Not anymore" He mumbles, barely audible.
"What?"
"She's not my girlfriend anymore"
"I'm sorry, it was never my intention to mess with your relationship. You should try to talk to her more calmly and—" She starts, trying to give him an out, the out he's always so desperate to take whenever they attempt to talk about them.
"Oh cut the crap, Donna!" He snaps the interruption and she widens her eyes at his candor "Everything she said it's true. You think I bought that shit you told me about not feeling anything when we kissed? You're as in love with me as I am with you, and we need to stop dragging people into our twisted game of denial, we keep hurting them for nothing. What?!" He snaps when she simply stares at him shocked "You're gonna try to deny it?" He challenges and she shakes her head.
"No, I just… I wasn't expecting you to be so blunt honest about it, that's all"
"Well, maybe I'm so goddamn tired of lying to myself and to everyone else"
"So what do we do now?" Normally, she's the one who knows what to do in any situation, but right now, probably for the first time in her life, she honestly has no idea what to do.
"Well, first I need to have one last conversation with Paula, and then you and I need to talk, but really talk Donna, no more evasive answers, no more hiding the way we feel, we need to have an open, honest conversation"
"I'm not the one who can't finish a conversation without cowering the second it gets too real" She snaps at him and he sighs.
"Okay, I deserved that one. In my defense, I did just pretty much tell you I'm in love with you" His signature smirk makes an appearance and it makes her weak in the knees, hope and wishful thinking that this is it invades her, this is what she's wanted for a very long time, and he's finally ready for them, she can see it in his eyes and it gives her the courage to take a step closer to him, and he meets her halfway, cups her cheeks and rests his forehead against hers.
"You pretty much did" She whispers, responding to his previous statement "And you're right, about me feeling the same way"
"Well, I'm rarely wrong, so…" He jokes and it makes her chuckle softly. "You were right about me being jealous of Kessler, I know it's obvious by now, but I'm done lying, so I want you to know I've always been jealous of all of them"
"There weren't so many, I'm at a clear disadvantage in that department" She points out and it's his turn to chuckle.
"You're right. No more mistakes" He promises softly and she nods.
"No more mistakes" She repeats the compromise and sees his lips moving towards hers, but before their mouths can touch, she stops him "Harvey, not with Paula in the next room" He nods in understanding, even though things are pretty much over with his former therapist, it would be disrespectful to her, and he doesn't want the start of his life with Donna to be tainted by anything.
"You're right. We waited thirteen years, we can wait a bit longer" He moves his lips to her cheek instead and plants a long, soft kiss there. "I have to go talk to her now" He explains and she nods in understanding.
"Go" She encourages with a soft smile.
…
Donna heads into the bathroom, needing a moment alone to collect herself before going into the dining room where the party has been moved to because of the scene caused by Paula, and she tries not to resent the woman, she more likely feels pity for her. Putting herself in other people's shoes is something Donna has always done, with Paula is a bit harder though, because from what she said tonight, the therapist's always known about Harvey's feelings for Donna herself and she still got involved with him, not only did she know it was wrong because Harvey had been her patient, but also because she knew from the start that his heart belonged to someone else. But Donna can't exactly blame her either, because she knows what it's like to fall for Harvey's charm better than anyone.
She enters the dining room around five minutes later and she can tell how most eyes turn to her, she tries to ignore the looks and the whispering around her as she makes a b line for her best friend.
"Let's go to the kitchen" Rachel says in a hushed tone as she grabs her friend's hand and gives Mike an apology look that he simply brushes off with a smile directed at both his fiancé and his redheaded friend.
"Okay, I'm gonna need all the details" Rachel excitedly requests as she opens a cabinet above the kitchen counter to retrieve a bottle of Macallan 18.
"How did you know that was there?" Donna asks as she gets two glasses so Rachel can pour the amber liquid into them.
"Sheila told me earlier" She simply explains, keeping to herself why Sheila would share that with her at all. "Don't get sidetracked from the main issue here Donna, I need to know everything"
They sit on a barstool each, and Donna takes a long sip of scotch to gain the courage to voice everything that transpired mere minutes ago.
"Paula confronted Harvey about his feelings for me in front of Thomas and I, and he didn't deny them" She starts with the truth as simply as she can.
"What do you mean he didn't deny them?. Did he tell her has feelings for you?!" Rachel asks in surprise.
"Not exactly, no. She asked him to tell her that I wasn't the woman he loves and he said he couldn't, and then she left and I tried to give him an out, because, you know, he always takes it. But this time he didn't" Donna sets the glass down and looks back at Rachel who's completely immersed in the story, a smile tugging at her lips the whole time.
"Okay, and what happened then?"
"He told me he knows I'm as in love with him as he is with me and that he needed to talk to Paula first but then he and I were going to have a conversation about us, and he almost kissed me. I stopped him because it seemed disrespectful with Paula being in the other room"
"Oh. My. God" Rachel says slowly, making a dramatic pause between each word. "So, you guys are like together now?" She asks with a glint of excitement in her eyes and Donna gives her a hesitant nod.
"I guess, yeah, I mean he told me he's in love with me, I told him the same and we promised not to keep making the same mistakes"
"Wow, Donna. This is huge. How are you feeling?"
"Excited, happy, terrified, all at the same time" She confesses as she lets out a long breath.
"Well yeah, I mean, who wouldn't?"
"Yeah, I suppose it'll have to wait though, since we're all trapped here because of the blizzard and there's no way we can have a private conversation with all eyes on us after the scene Paula caused" Donna explains, embarrassment creeping up her spine again.
"Well, can you blame her, Donna? You didn't see Harvey while we were waiting for you to arrive, he was beside himself with worry, and then he was so upset when we didn't let him go after you and Thomas went instead, and to top it off she had to endure his jealous behavior after you guys arrived. I'm surprised she actually was able to keep it inside for so long" Rachel assesses and Donna nods, perfectly understanding her friend's point.
They stay in the kitchen for a while longer until eventually Louis, Sheila and Mike join them. Louis tells them about how some of the guests have properties nearby and the blizzard stopped enough for them to be able to leave and provide sleeping arrangements for some of the other guests, Louis himself made them too for the guests that remained here.
"Paula and Thomas left, they're staying with Alex and Rosalie. Thomas said he would drive her home tomorrow" Louis comments with his eyes set on Donna.
"And Harvey?" She asks quietly.
"Upstairs, third door on the left" He instructs and neither seems surprised when she stands and leaves the room.
"Finally" Mike mutters under his breath and the rest chuckle.
"Cheers to that" Sheila follows, raising her glass as they toast to their friends having apparently taken their blinds off for good.
…
Donna heads upstairs and knocks on Harvey's door. She hears a soft 'come in' and she opens the door to find him sitting up in bed.
"Hey" He says in the soft tone he only reserves for her.
"Hey" she says back "How did it go?"
"As well as it could have. I apologized for going after her, she apologized for ignoring all the signs and saying yes anyway, and it's over" He simply explains.
"Are you okay?" She asks, the need to put him above herself an instinct she's not sure she'll ever be able to overcome.
"Are we okay?" He asks instead and she nods as she hops on the bed and sits opposite him, taking his hands on hers.
"We are" She says with a smile.
"Then I'm okay"
"Good"
"Good" He echoes. "I'll have to drive her back in the morning but after that I'm all yours" He promises and she shakes her head.
"That won't be necessary. Paula, along with Thomas a few others, are crashing on Alex's house nearby, Thomas is gonna drive her back"
She can clearly see the glint of happiness in his eyes as she delivers the news, and for a second she thinks he's going to say something, but then he stands and offers her his hand, so she lets him pull her up and looks up at him as he moves her hair behind her ears and looks at her in a way he never has before, similar to the look he had a mere hour ago in the living room but not quite, because it's as if now he can freely look at her with love in his eyes, and she clearly sees his intention so she simply nods, it's almost imperceptible but he gets it, and with her approval he descends his lips on hers, making her melt into the kiss. It's nothing like that kiss that almost broke them a few weeks ago, this is different, there's no hesitation, no doubt, this is where they belong, it's where they've always belonged and as his tongue requests access to her mouth she sees every meaningful moment of their history together flash like a movie.
She sees every small moment they had, every smile, every touch, every heartache whenever he had a new conquest, every fight, every almost, but she sees something else too. She sees them together, finally building a life with the person they were always supposed to end up with. She still sees them having playful banters, and inside jokes, and small touches and moments, but with a new openness, with the reassurance that they finally made it and they finally can spend the rest of their lives trying to make each other happy.
She doesn't doubt for a second they'll make it.
"I love you so much" He says as he breaks the kiss "And I'm so sorry Donna, so sorry for every time I hurt you, for not showing up when you needed me to, for telling you how I feel and then taking it back, for not fighting hard enough… It's not that I didn't want to, it's that I couldn't, but I finally see it now. This is where we're supposed to be" He brushes the tears that fall softly down her eyes and she brings her hands to his jaw, forcing him to look into her eyes.
"It's okay, none of that matters now, Harvey. We're here, and I love you, all of you, I always have, so you don't need to apologize. What happens from now on is what matters to me"
He kisses her again and smiles like a fool "You're perfect, way too good for me, you know that, right?"
"I'm way too good for anybody, but you're pretty close" She jokes, still not used to handling his compliments without feeling too exposed.
"Good to know" He quips back after a soft chuckle. "So what now?" He asks, repeating her earlier question.
"Now, we go to bed and get some rest, and tomorrow as soon as the weather allows it we're going back to my place to spend the whole day in bed" She decides with a teasing smile.
"So sex is totally out of the question tonight?" He tries his luck and she slaps his chest payfully.
"We're not having our second first time with all our friends downstairs, Harvey" She replies with determination.
"You're right, I want to be able to hear you scream my name with no restrain at all. In fact we should go to my place, since I don't have neighbors on my floor"
She blushes and he finds it completely adorable "You're an idiot, but you're probably right. Your place might provide a better setting" She agrees.
"Well, we do have thirteen years to make up for"
"We sure do"
"Hey, I know this is sudden and I don't know if you already have plans, but I'm going to Boston for Christmas and I'd love for you to come with me"
His proposition seems to take her by surprise because she looks a bit taken aback and hesitant to reply.
"You don't have to. I mean I know we just got together and you probably already—"
She cuts him off by firmly pressing her lips to his "I'd love to" She says as she pulls away. "Were you going to take her?" She asks then and Harvey looks slightly offended by her question.
"No" He quickly replies "I wasn't"
"I'm sorry, I just thought… Well since it was serious and all…" She trails off, not quite knowing how to finish the sentence.
"I told her I preferred to go alone, that I wasn't ready for that yet. But the truth is I didn't want to take her, it didn't feel right. With you though…" He says as he pulls her closer by the waist "It feels just right. Perfect, actually"
"You're such a sap" She teases him and he kisses her small smirk away.
"Guilty as charged" He replies "Hey, where's your bag?" He asks then.
"Right there actually" She says as she points towards the other side of the room where he now sees her Hermes' travel bag.
"So Louis sent me here on purpose" He realizes.
"He most certainly did"
"Well, then he's probably okay with us going at it under his roof" He tries one more time and she gives him a pointed look.
"Harvey" She scolds softly.
"Got it, got it. Well go put your pajamas on and I'll be waiting for you right here"
She heads into the bathroom, knowing it wouldn't be smart to change in front of him, she knows he has self control, he's had it with her for too many years, but there's no reason to test it further than necessary. Around ten minutes later she emerges and settles on the bed next to him.
He motions for her to lay in his arms and she settles in his embrace, resting her head on his chest, her arm on his torso.
"This feels nice" He comments a few minutes later.
"It does" She mumbles, sleep having almost overcome her after a very long and eventful day.
"Goodnight Donna, I love you" He kisses the top of her head and she kisses his chest.
"Goodnight, Harvey. I love you, too" She whispers and it's less than five minutes later that he feels her breath evening out and he knows she's asleep.
He looks at her sleeping form for a long time, he's not sure how long, but he doesn't care. She's finally in his arms, right where she belongs. He made many mistakes over the years, not admitting his feelings sooner probably being the worst of them, but it's time to wipe the slate clean, write new memories together and as sleep finally claims him, his last thought is that he truly can't wait to start the rest of his life with her.