:: Chapter 11: TRYING TO FORGET ::
Rachel. Rachel Rachel Rachel... filling his senses, swirling in his mind, starring in his dreams. The memory of last night was so vivid and left him so wound up and on edge he'd barely sleep at all. And now she's consuming his every thought to the point he feels dangerously close to falling so deep into her abyss he may never be found again... and that would be just fine with him.
His brain never fully shut off all night, and it only resumed its obsession full speed ahead as he finally awoke today. Hours spent all night dancing, wrapping his arms around her, pressing their bodies together... all that intimacy had him so keyed up – it was heaven and hell all at once.
Watching her with Tana and Britt doing that holy fuck HOT dancing was more than enough to keep his fantasies fed for years to come (and he'd already made a mental note to thank Tana for that little visual treat) but, coupled with hearing her sing all night – and also singing with her – not to mention the feel of her tiny waist under his large hands, of her lithe arms snaked around his neck, her warm little hands smoothing down his biceps, her head pressed against his chest and her impossibly delicious Rachel smells swirling all around him... staring into her big brown doe eyes and losing himself completely. It was all nearly torture just being at the club with her like that all night, but he decided if he were gonna be tortured to death, WOW what a way to go.
Then there was the AFTER. He can still smell her perfume on his collar and feel her kisses on his neck. Damned if he knows what happened to his necktie, maybe he left it in the limo? The limo... where he finally told her how he'd always wanted to kiss her. The limo where they did kiss again for the first time in over eleven years and OH GOD how painfully sweet it was! That eleven year old memory of clumsy teenagers fumbling in a closet could never do justice to the real thing. The watermelon flavored memory he'd carried around for over a decade was pretty amazing, but last night's tangy sweet strawberry seduction was downright lethal and something he'll never forget. The feel of her plump warm lips sliding against his was like coming home. Addictive. He could kiss her forever.
And the elevator... holy shit. Her body pressing up against his, arching into him... feeling the smoothness of her supple skin, the salty and sweet taste of her neck and the curl of her silky long hair around his fingers... the sounds she made in his ear, reacting to his touch. Then in her condo. The quivers and moans he was able to entice from her mouth. Just thinking about her hand palming him through his pants still made his limbs rubbery and his dick rock hard. He swore he could still feel the heat of her wetness burning his skin, branding him as she pressed against him. Jesus. He needs to get into the shower, NOW. A cold one. He needs off this train of thought, like, immediately.
If Jesse hadn't called when he did, the night probably would've gone a whole lot differently. He might be waking up next to her right now in a tangled nest of sweaty naked limbs and messy hair. But he can't think about that, because he still hasn't talked to her – that is, SOBER him hasn't talked to SOBER her.
After the things she said last night, admitting that she's always wanted him too, he decided this was all going to be okay. It was going to be better than okay; it was going to be amazing! Rachel Berry wanted him and he wanted her and they were finally going to get their chance!
At least he hoped so? She said things he'd always hoped were true last night, but... what if she woke up feeling differently today? She was drunk, after all. Quite very drunk so it seems, considering how easily she passed out. He must have been too, more than he'd thought. But still, that just means her careful walls of concealment were down, she was able to say what she really felt, right?
He did tell her about Tana, so she should have enough of the facts that she shouldn't feel too guilty, right? He knows she can be very dramatic and hard on herself but he hopes she got the message he was trying to convey enough to spare herself that misery. Plus, he did start to explain that he's in love with her before they got interrupted by that arrogant little ass clown again. He just wished he knew what she told Jesse on that call.
Jesse. Bane of his fucking existence. UGH! As the cool water continued to rain down on him, Finn slammed a hand against the shower wall, knowing that somehow, some WAY he needs to get through to her. She's not meant to be with that Jackass! But he needs to do it while they are both sober. Yeah, true, he tried once before and they'd fought, and he tried again last night... but today he needs to do better. After last night he's thinking his chances of getting through to her have improved dramatically.
So lunch today was going to be it, for the whole enchilada. It's the bottom of the ninth, score tied, last at bat. It's make or break, do or die time. He HAS to tell her everything. He will tell her. And it'll be okay, because she wants him too, she said so... god he really hopes she wasn't just drunk flirting, being the horny sexy girl archetype. She's never done it before though, so maybe those were her real feelings coming out last night. He really hopes so. Whatever it was, it was certainly her real libido talking. And yeah, that coulda been the PINK DRINK acting and speaking on her behalf too, but he doesn't think so. He really really hopes not.
He needs to have a gameplan ready for what to say to her before they meet. He hopes she's already realized that Jesse is not what she needs and he needs her to know that it's okay to break their wedding plans – even now at this late stage. He knows this girl so well, he's sure that she'll be completely guilt ridden at the premise of breaking someone else's heart (even a douche nozzle like Jesse St Jagoff), not to mention the embarrassment of canceling an entire wedding at the last minute. So he needs to be ready to be strong for her, to tell her it's okay and that the heart wants what the heart wants and there's nothing wrong with following your heart.
Most of all, he needs her to know they are fine, that their friendship is strong and will carry them always, because he loves her and he always has and he always will. Three and half hours was all the time he had left to prepare for winning his dream girl and, hopefully, to start the rest of their lives together.
...FRFRF...
Rachel's eyes reluctantly fluttered open as the brightness of daylight broke through their thinly veiled covers. As consciousness crept in, so did the insistent throb of her hangover.
"Oh god." She sat up slowly, holding her aching head. Looking around the room, she assessed her surroundings then herself, realizing she was still dressed in her clothes from last night.
Last night. Shit. What happened? Had Finn been here? He must have been. Yes, she was certain he'd brought her home. In the limo. THE LIMO. Oh no. No no no, what did she do? They'd kissed. Like really KISSED. And it was passionate and sensual and mountain-moving and every bit of fantasy she'd ever dreamed up realized. But it was also her FINN, her best friend. Not Jesse, her fiancé. Shit! What the hell happened after the limo?
After several minutes spent rubbing her aching temples and unsuccessfully willing the memories to return, the pounding in her head finally sent her stumbling on her way out of bed toward the kitchen for some aspirin and water. Maybe hydration and some kind of sustenance would tickle her psyche back into focus. At least she hoped so.
Passing the sofa on the way, a necktie draped over its arm caught her attention. Pictures began to form in her mind as she fingered the satiny navy blue material. The heavenly aroma that still imbued the garment permeated her nostrils and the images jumped back to life as she held the soft textured fabric to her face. She closed her eyes, breathing in the earthy bergamot and mandarin Finn-scent, recalling what had apparently just occurred mere hours ago.
While the fuzzy pictures flickered into focus, the visceral memories pulsated within her as if the night were still in progress. The tension in her thigh muscles as they flexed around his waist; the polarity of cool hardness flat against her back and pliant warmth blazing up her front while his body weight pressed her to the wall like a picture frame. The coarseness of his thick umber hair clutched tightly in her grasp. Her fingers reached up of their own accord and ghosted over the same path his wet tongue and firm lips had traveled triggering the tingles he'd set off when nipping along the line of her neck and across her collarbone. Ripples of electricity cascaded through her as he kneaded at her breast making her nipples tighten. And oh, his hot mouth, how it moved so slowly, sensually against hers setting off a pulsing inferno within her core, desperately anticipating all of him sliding into her.
Swallowing hard and craving his touch as the memories flooded in, she became keenly aware of her ragged breathing and racing pulse. Her eyes flew open and she startled herself as she suddenly shrieked "Oh my god, we almost had sex! But... OH NO.. Jesse?!"
Pushing her intemperate lustful thoughts aside, she quickly found her cell phone which confirmed that yes, in fact she had received a call from Jesse around 2:15 AM. The call lasted about five minutes. She couldn't remember the entire conversation nor the exact tone of his voice, except that he was checking in to be sure she'd gotten home safely. She also remembers him saying he was still working and would be pulling an all-nighter at the theater to prepare for meetings scheduled later in the day. She supposes that explains why he isn't with her now.
She was pretty sure Finn was still there when the call came. But he's not here now, so when did he leave and what happened in between? Did they discuss anything? Did they fight? No, she's pretty sure she would remember something if they'd fought, but nothing was springing to mind. Also, how did she end up in bed, still fully clothed? Had she done that herself, or...
Flipping to her text app, she found two new unread messages, both from Finn.
FH 3:02am :: hop u [sleeping face emoji] well. sry to leev u l9ke thqt but u wer pass3d out. I lockwd up [kissing face emoji] ::
FH 3:27am :: jus2 lyk mqade it [house emoji] safe. L8 lumch tday? [phone emoji] me pls whjen u wake up [sun emoji]. we shldd talk. cu s0oon [heart emoji, hug emoji] ::
She sighed and then giggled, then regretted those actions due to the stabbing pain in her skull. On one hand she was very relieved. He seemed to still be Finn (albeit a rather intoxicated Finn based on his atrocious texting etiquette – not that his texts are usually known for their supreme accuracy, but this was subpar even by his standards); but on the other hand, he said they should talk.
Talk about what? About how last night was a mistake? About how she behaved like a drunken harlot, essentially throwing herself at him in the limo and seducing him? About how she'd potentially ruined their friendship and his relationship with Santana?
OH NO... what if Tana found out? Did he tell her? She feels like maybe he mentioned Tana last night but the memories are just too foggy. Oh this is bad. Rachel didn't want to be a homewrecker; she couldn't live with herself if she caused him or Tana or anyone that kind of pain.
How could she possibly excuse her actions last night? She still couldn't even remember everything that happened after they left the club, but she did remember enough of the pieces to get a pretty good idea... signing Bryan Adams and telling Finn he could kiss her. She did remember basically attacking him in the limo. This was so humiliating!
She would simply have to grovel and beg for his forgiveness. Yes. Blame it on the alcohol. He knows what happens to her when she drinks pink cocktails. She certainly can't deny she's been a bit lonely lately, what with Jesse's hectic schedule and Finn is just always there – not that THAT should justify anything either, but those circumstances surely didn't help matters last night. She must have subconsciously taken advantage, but she never meant to compromise him like that. After all, he's her best friend, her touchstone. So he'll understand and forgive her, right?
But... how does her inexcusable behavior in the limo explain their near sexual encounter on her sofa? He obviously came inside with her – probably to ensure her safety, being chivalrous as always... willingly. Wantonly? Well, he is only human after all and... and he must have been terribly inebriated too. Yes. His texts are evidence of as much. He simply wasn't thinking straight. And he's a hot blooded male in his sexual prime; even he is not impervious to temptation, given the right circumstances... Yes, that must explain things, she convinces herself.
Poor Finn, he must feel terribly guilty too. Rachel decides he would have never done this if he were sober and she weren't being such an unspeakable temptress! His wedding is just a few weeks away too, sooner than hers – assuming it was still happening, assuming Tana didn't find out? OH GOD she made him a cheater! She made HERSELF a cheater! This is all so sordid and horrifying! How will he ever forgive her? How can she ever forgive herself?
Why did she let herself get so drunk? None of this should have happened. She decided a hot shower might do her some good to melt away the cold bitterness of regret; maybe she would even remember more if she could just wash off some of the shame.
She quickly sent a text to Finn agreeing to lunch (as she assumed was the translation of his text) and suggested meeting at their favorite quiet cafe. She was a little surprised at his immediate response offering a meeting time of 1 PM. She texted back a confirmation then made her way to the shower. Three and half hours was all the time she had left to decide how to save her friendship with Finn.
...FRFRF...
Finn arrived at the restaurant first. He didn't know why he was so nervous. This was just Rachel, his best friend. His person. The only human on the planet who knows him better than he knows himself.
Except he knows everything would be different now, even though it really doesn't have to be – at least not everything... After all, they're still them. They still love each other. Just, now things would be more crystallized, more intimate, more passionate. More physical. (And he really can't wait for that last part to become a reality – he's honestly unsure how he found the will to leave her place last night, but he'd never take advantage of her or any girl like that.) And they really shouldn't have gone that far in their drunken states anyway; he made a mental note to apologize for that.
He finally saw her approaching the table but was a little taken aback by how disheveled she appeared to be. His perfectly prim proper and put together petite fireball was looking almost like a bag lady.
She wore wide-rimmed dark sunglasses and a navy Yankees baseball cap (the one he'd gotten her at the game he took her to last season) and her hair was braided loosely to one side. Her tiny frame was engulfed in an oversized charcoal cardigan strewn crookedly over a plain black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. Jeans? He didn't even know she owned jeans.
"Wow Rach, rough night?" he chuckled teasingly as he stood to greet her. He offered his usual bear hug and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, feeling a slight tension in her return greeting.
"Haha Finn. I'm never drinking again, by the way." Her words were dry and monotone and she attempted a smile but it wasn't as genuine, not as pearly and bright as usual.
He snickered at her melodramatic response.
"Pretty sure you said that the last time you overdid it, too," he said with a wink.
"Guess I should've listened to myself," she groaned.
His lips curled into a half grin while watching her unwrap and arrange her silverware and napkin in exactly the same perfect alignment as she always does (because casual dining is no excuse for poor table etiquette).
"I already ordered your chai latte, it should be here in a few."
"Thank you."
Awkward silence sucked the air from their atmosphere. After a few beats, Rachel finally took off her glasses and her eyes looked tired, swimming in a sea of dark circles that she'd made little effort to conceal.
Neither seemed sure how to start the conversation, which was so unusual for them. Normally things were easy and light between them, but today was not a normal day. Then they both started at the same time. "Finn, I'm so sorry about last night." "Rach, I'm sorry I left like that."
He chuckled a little and decided it best to let her guide the conversation. "You first, Rach."
With an uneasy smile and soft nod she continued. "Thank you. I.. I don't know where to begin. Um... maybe I should begin with an apology? Except, I'm not sure I'd be covering everything..." She leaned in closer and quietly asked "Do you... do you remember what happened last night? After we left the club, that is?"
He knew his cheeks were pinking and he hoped she wasn't paying attention. "Well, yeah... last night was um, pretty memorable."
"Yeah, I guess it was," she paused, pretending to read the menu and fidgeting with her napkin, then began to have a mini-meltdown. "Oh gosh Finn, I'm just so so sorry! You must think I'm the worst friend on the planet. I just, well, I guess I had more to drink than I should have and... yes it was probably the fault of all those pink cocktails I suppose, but my behavior was simply deplorable! You must think I'm a terrible tramp."
Whoa. This was not the reaction Finn was hoping for or expecting at all. "Rachel what are you tal–"
"No, Finn, please don't make excuses for my utterly inexcusable behavior, because there just aren't any. I realize I was under the influence, but I violated your trust in so many ways! I tarnished our friendship and I hope you'll find a way to forgive me."
He could see the wobble of her chin and the tears pooling in her eyes and waited for the waitress (who naturally chose THIS moment to arrive with their drink orders) to leave before responding.
"Violated? Rachel, no... Hey hey, no you didn't do anything wrong. Our friendship is perfectly fine... what are you talking about?" He reached across the table and wrapped his hand around hers, giving a gentle squeeze and offering his most sincere and supportive best friend face.
"But I did Finn! I behaved like a shameless strumpet and I tempted you into betraying the love of your life and possibly ruined your future with Tana. I feel so ashamed. She doesn't know, does she?"
Oh... wait a minute. She's worried about Santana? She doesn't remember. He told her he called off the engagement but she doesn't remember. And she's feeling guilty and ashamed and embarrassed and... regretful. She regrets last night. Dammit. Would she still feel that way if she knew everything?
He has a plan – well, he had a plan to tell her everything today, to come clean. But looking into her puffy red eyes and seeing that sad expression on her pouty face, she clearly does NOT remember anything he said to her – or what she said to him last night. Crap.
Does that make her words from last night any less true? Well.. yeah, maybe. The words she'd said that fueled his confidence to confess everything today seemed to be gone and forgotten, evaporated with the alcohol now cleared from her bloodstream. It must have been the PINK talking last night after all.
No, this was not what he'd hoped for, not at all. Dammit! He can't tell her now. Not like this, not knowing that she's apparently not on the same page. Now he needs to do damage control. Now he needs to be the best best friend possible and put her falling apart pieces back together again.
He clears his throat and looks sincerely at her. "Bite-size, we um.. Listen, we were both drinking last night. It's... it's no big deal, really. Don't beat yourself up or feel like you did anything wrong. You and me, we're fine. We're always gonna be fine, no matter what."
He rubbed figure eights into the back of her hand with the pad of his thumb, wishing that different words were leaving his lips. Wishing different words were coming from hers.
She wasn't making eye contact with him, her focus remained on their hands on the tabletop instead as she whispered her response. "But.. but we both cheated last night, Finn. And it's my fault. How can you not hate me?"
He took a deep breath and held it for a moment. How can he answer this without giving it all away? Maybe he should at least tell her about his broken wedding plans. That should hopefully get her finger off the self-destruct button a little bit, right?
"Well first of all, there is absolutely nothing in the world you could ever say or do to make me hate you, babe. But also... uh, I didn't cheat on anyone Rach. And technically, neither did you."
Now she's looking at him, bewilderment swimming in her sad eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I did tell you last night, but I guess you don't remember... Tana and I talked before the party and uh, we decided to call it off."
Rachel's eyes widened. "Call off what exactly?"
"Everything. The engagement, the wedding... Us. We're um... we're not together anymore."
"What?!" She gasped and quickly scooted off the bench then slid into his side of the booth grabbing both his hands. "Oh my gosh Finn, no! What happened? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Are you okay, did you have a fight?"
Tightening his grip on her hands he explained, "Hey hey, calm down, short stuff. I'm fine, it's all good. She and I are both okay, we just, we decided it wasn't working between us as a couple and it would be a mistake to get married. But we're still friends. I'm totally good and it's all for the best. I promise."
Rachel's probing eyes seemed to be dissecting his words and scrutinizing his every expression. He knows how this girl's brain works and he knows she's not convinced yet, but he also knows the full explanation of why they broke off the engagement is not entirely his story to tell yet.
"Rach, I swear it's okay. Tana and I talked and we agreed we're just better off as friends. I told her she can stay at the apartment as long as she needs to while she figures out where she's going next. She's gonna be moving into the guestroom today, so we'll just be roomies for right now, and I'm fine with that. It really is the best thing for both of us."
He reached up and cupped her cheek in his large hand, then watched her close her eyes and swallow hard. A tear streamed down her face and she tilted her head into his touch. She opened her eyes and wrapped her arms around his middle – which was a little awkward in the confined space of the booth. She whimpered into his chest "I'm so sorry Finn. I... I just want you to be happy... Are you really sure you're okay?"
He pulled back to look at her and tugged on the rim of her ball cap, twisting it a little crookedly and smiled warmly at her. "I'm perfectly fine, Shortcake, I promise. Would I lie to you?"
She smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his stubbled cheek then returned to her side of the table. He immediately missed her closeness and was kicking himself for not letting the rest of his intended confession pour out before she launched back into guilt mode.
"I really made things complicated for you today, didn't I. You already have so much going on and then I piled on my irresponsible behavior last night... oh gosh Finn. Why do you put up with me?"
Because I'm in love with you and we belong together, forever.
"Because you're my best friend, Rach. Now stop beating yourself up. Are we eating or what? I think I'm getting the western omelet and a Belgian waffle. I think you'd benefit from a waffle with fruit. Whaddya think?"
"Sounds perfect, Finn."
...FRFRF...
"Hey Burt, mom home?" Finn asks as he enters the backyard of his parents home, finding Burt relaxing on an adirondack chair and sipping coffee. He plops down in the matching chair beside his stepdad.
"Hey, Finn! Good to see ya buddy. Nah, your mom's out shopping with Kurt, you just missed them. They'll probably be gone most of the day – no doubt busy emptying the shelves and my checkbook at some clearance sale somewhere. What brings you by?"
Blowing out a breath and fidgeting with his fingernails, he tries to remain casual. "Nothing much, was just passing by and thought I'd surprise mom. How's your day?"
Burt's brow shoots up skeptically with a sideways glance. "Passing by, huh? Yeah. Well, my day is the same as always, because early retirement is a beautiful thing. But I can see by the look on your face that YOUR day doesn't seem to be quite so great. Wanna tell me about it?"
Finn chuckles, watching a couple of red squirrels chase each other around the walnut tree in the corner of the small yard. "Is it that obvious?"
"Yeah. I remember seeing that look on your mug a few times before, and in the past it's always meant girl trouble. Everything alright with you and Santana?"
"Uh. Yeah, it is, now. Now that she's moving out."
Burt sits up with a jolt. "What?!"
"We um... we broke off the engagement. It's fine, it ended amicably. We just decided we're better off as just friends."
With a heavy exhale, Burt takes off his ball cap and rubs a hand over his bald head. "Wow. Finn, that's... well I don't wanna say it's a relief because that's kinda not cool... But it is."
Finn furrows his brow and looks with some amount of disbelief at his father. "Seriously? Why, I thought you guys liked Tana?"
"Oh, well yeah, we do, Finn. Don't get me wrong, she's a great girl. She's just not–"
"Not Rachel," Finn mutters quietly under his breath.
Burt's head turns faster than the crack of a whip to face his stepson. "What did you say?"
Finn inhales sharply, wiping his palms down the tops of his jean-clad thighs and shrugs. "Oh..uh. Nothing."
"Nuh-uh, pal. Not just nothing. You said 'not Rachel'. Are you telling me you finally figured it out?"
"Wait what? Wh-what do you mean?"
"Finn, your mother and I have been waiting for years for you and Rachel to figure things out for yourselves. We love you son, but when you announced your engagement to Santana, we both wondered what blackmail or Latin voodoo hex that girl must have put on you to make you do that. We just always expected things to end up differently for you and that little songbird of yours," he winked.
"Geez, am I really the last one to know that everyone feels that way – apparently including my own parents?"
Burt chuckles and reaches a hand over to clasp Finn's shoulder. "Kinda looks that way huh? Look, Finn, I know you grew up with Rachel, and I know she's been your closest friend forever. But isn't that kind of the beauty of it? You've already got one of the most important things needed for a lasting relationship built in – the being best friends part counts, a lot. I would know; I was lucky enough to find that – twice. Once with Kurt's mom, and now with your mom. Some people don't get to be that lucky."
"You're right. I know you're right." Finn sighed loudly. "I guess I've always known I loved her, or at least part of me knew it... I just never thought she felt the same, so I respected her boundaries. But now I've been hearing things and seeing things and wondering if maybe she does feel something more, too... except, GAH I've let so much time pass and so many things change, and oh yeah – she's still getting married! And I'M the dipshit who agreed to be her Best Friend of Honor – not just to witness it but to HELP her marry another guy! And NOW is when I finally figure out how I really feel? I'm totally screwed here, dad. I don't know what to do."
"Seems like there's only one logical solution son. Have you talked to Rachel? Does she know how you feel?"
Finn laughs loudly without humor. "Well, uhh.. Yeah that was the plan... until we sort of had a drunken make-out session that she was totally wrecked with guilt about the next day and..."
"You did what? When? Finn, you know better than to take advantage of girls like that–"
"NO! It wasn't like that! I swear..." Finn explains everything that happened after the party at RPM, watching Burts expression change from shock to sympathy. "So in all this time, the thing that bugs me most is, she never once said she didn't love Jesse. In fact the only fight we've ever had was when I tried to point out how he ISN'T the right guy for her – which she sure seemed to take great offense to. So I just don't know if me telling her how I feel now is gonna be good for her, or just make her hate me in the end. It feels selfish for me to say anything now."
"Well son, do you wanna know what I think?"
"Of course."
"Okay. It sure looks to all of us like Rachel's been in love with you for years. You've both been awfully stubborn about not admitting your real feelings to each other. Since you've both let yourselves get into this pickle – whether out of fear or embarrassment or whatever the reason – it seems like at least ONE of you needs to be brave enough to get the both of you out of it."
"But what if I tell her the truth and she hates me and I lose her? Like I said, we already had a fight related to this subject."
"Yeah I heard about that – Kurt, of course. I don't know all the details and I'm not asking. Honestly though, Finn, you're worrying about losing her, but you really think that girl would stay mad at you forever over anything? C'mon. That's a pretty flimsy excuse, and we both know it." Finn chuckles as his stepdad continues. "So tell me the truth. What are you really so afraid of?"
"I don't know... besides losing her and our friendship? I guess maybe the pain of rejection by the most important person in my life. Aside from mom, Rachel has always been the only other person who cheers for me the loudest, who believes in me the most... not only that, but she's who I want to make the proudest. She just... she makes me want to be a better person, for her, but also for myself. She's like, my inspiration, my muse, y'know? How could I ever want to risk that?"
"I get it. And yeah, it's a risk." He paused for a long sip of coffee. "Your mom tried to talk to her, you know."
"Wait, mom talked to Rachel? About what, about me?"
"Well, let's just say she wanted to be sure Rachel was listening to her own heart. It was before you two made up from your fight. I think the takeaway was that the girl is even more stubborn and confused than she'd thought."
"Tell me about it!" Finn chortled.
Burt laughed loudly. "Well, I still think you need to be honest with her, Finn. If you don't tell her, if you don't at least take the chance, there's gonna end up being a day when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror and see nothing but regret. I know you wanna protect her heart – and that's one of the greatest things about you is your compassion and selflessness... but you need to tell her for YOU, too, son. You need to think about your own heart too. Plus, she doesn't have all the facts right now, does she? Don't you think her decisions might be affected if she knew everything?"
"Probably, but that's sort of the whole point. I don't wanna be the cause of her break up with him, and then have her resent me for it. So I'd gladly live with my own regret and still have her in my life than take the shot and lose her altogether. That said, I've already tried telling her what a total ass-hat her fiancé is – and believe me, he IS – and you see how that turned out. We've NEVER fought before, never gone a week without talking out of anger, yet this douche was the cause of it... which, I guess means she must really love him that much."
"Maybe. Or maybe it means she's really in that much denial about how she feels about you. Maybe she's afraid of the same things you're afraid of. You're worried about preserving your friendship, you don't think she's maybe been feeling the same way?"
"I guess it's possible. Puck said he thinks she's always had feelings for me even back when he dated her. Said it was why they didn't work out."
Burt snorts a laugh, "Yeah well, I think we covered that already, Finn. You were the only one who I guess didn't get the memo."
Finn rolled his eyes then sat quietly for a beat. "I just can't lose her, Dad."
"You won't."
"How do you know?"
"Call it a father's intuition. Look, women are tricky. They say one thing when they mean something else, then they get mad at us for not following their insane logic. They're full of secret doubts and insecurities. Sometimes they want total independence and sometimes they just want to be chased and coveted. But they always want to be loved and respected. Rachel, well, I won't proclaim to know her that well, but from what I do know, the girl has a huge heart and cares more about you than anyone else from what I've ever seen. I just can't believe feelings like that are so superficial that she'd ever walk away from you for good – not even if she only wanted to stay friends knowing you wanted more. Question is, could you stay just friends if that's all she wanted?"
"Well that's kinda what the last ten plus years of my life has been, hasn't it? So yeah, I guess I could. But then again, she hasn't been married before... so at least the possibility of something more has always been there."
"Exactly. And hey, I'm not usually one to approve of interfering in people's relationships like this, but I think this qualifies as a unique circumstance. You need to talk to her, Finn."
"Yeah, I know. I'm just..."
"Scared. But hey, what's that expression? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The bigger the risk the better the reward."
"Oh god, you sound like Tana."
"Why, did she tell you this too? Is that why you two broke it off, over Rachel?"
"Well, maybe in part over Rachel. But there's more to it than that, it's just nothing I can talk about right now. But yeah, she seems to think what everyone else does and she also says I need to tell her."
"Okay... well. You don't need any more advice son. You know what needs to happen, you just need to decide to do it."
...FRFRF...
The following week was Finn's birthday. As per their annual tradition, Rachel insisted on taking him out to dinner to celebrate at his favorite restaurant (of course, he always tried to pay and they had the same argument about it every year). This year she wasn't sure if it was a good thing that the evening coincided with Jesse being back in London for more meetings, but she promised herself she would simply remain sober and everything would be fine.
Ever since her intense makeout session with Finn, she's been plagued by dreams. Hot, erotic, shamelessly sensual dreams of Finn and she just can't seem to make them stop. She feels like all the rationale she'd ever employed for pushing aside her feelings since middle school was weakening and her resistance was washing away like a sandcastle at high tide.
Part of her was becoming convinced that maybe he could actually want to be with her in that way, that maybe he's always wanted her. Certainly on that night he HAD wanted her – at least it sure felt like he did.
She also can't stop thinking about all the conversations she's had with so many of their friends and even Finn's own mother over the last several weeks. Everyone seemed so convinced the two of them were some sort of inevitability and that they were meant to end up together. What if she'd been wrong all this time? What if they could've been together all along? Could they still be?
Of course, none of these hypothetical ideas changed the fact that she was set to marry Jesse in a few short weeks. All the plans were set and paid for. Hundreds of guests already RSVP'd and were flying in from all around the country. Gifts had already been received and expectations were high from both Jesse and his family. She was mortified at the thought of facing any of them if she were to suddenly have a last minute change of heart.
There was a time when she thought Jesse was enough. She loved him after all, and he loved her... but she knew deep down she would never feel as cherished or be as fulfilled as she feels when she's with Finn – and that's just Finn as her best friend who makes her feel this way... Imagining how much more incredible they could be as a real couple? Well, the idea was intoxicating, even if it was something of a fantasy.
Problem is, after their recent encounter, she wasn't so sure Finn Hudson was an unattainable daydream anymore. And now that he was single and available, it was a little like dangling a big bag of drugs in front of a junkie. Yes, addicted. That's what she's become. Addicted to Finn's kisses, to Finn's touch, to Finn's taste. UGH! It angered her so so much! This sudden feeling of a total loss of control and the fact that he's consuming so much so much SO MUCH of her thoughts; even in her sleep she can't escape him!
It really should be concerning her more than anything that thoughts of Jesse were the furthest thing from her mind most of the time. In fact, the only real consideration she'd given to her fiancé recently was that his latest trip overseas meant she'd have to rely on her own self-restraint to behave appropriately around Finn in Jesse's absence.
Her willpower was truly being tested on nights like tonight, as he sits across from her. So handsome in his black button down dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, unruly hair just daring her fingers to run through it. Her eyes keep tracing the flexing muscles of his forearms each time he carves a piece of meat on his plate, reminding her of the feel of his strong hands on her body, stirring that nest of sleeping butterflies back into flight. Then there's the memory of his lips against her neck each time his fork slides out from between them – nevermind all the other parts of her body humming alive with desire and longing for what his hands and mouth were doing in those damned dreams!
She's feeling like a hungry coiled snake tracking a mouse and needs a distraction. Immediately.
"How's your steak, Finny?"
"Mmmm are you kidding? It's incredible, babe, so good! Best I've had in a long while. How 'bout your mushroom risotto?"
His groans of pleasure over the food were NOT helping her at all right now; neither was the shine in his eyes while he looked at her. She felt them undressing her, caressing her skin, and she wanted them to.
She clears her throat and smiles sweetly. "It's delicious, thank you for asking. So, um... how are things with you and Tana? Has she made any plans to move yet?"
"Everything's good. Honestly, I haven't seen very much of her since the party... but yes she did make other living arrangements and she's been packing. Every day I come home to a new tower of boxes closing in on us. I told her she could stay as long as she wanted, but she's not even been sleeping in the guest room at all. Pretty sure she's been staying at Britt's every night."
"It must be difficult, these living arrangements. You two had been together for so many years. Do you miss her or wish things had worked out differently?"
Finn thinks for a beat then says, "Honestly? No, not really. It's surprisingly not as weird as you might think. I mean yeah, we've shared the same roof for a really long time now, but it doesn't feel like some huge change... Maybe that's all just a sign that this is working out the way it should."
Rachel pokes around her risotto with the tip of her fork and nods. "Well I'm glad you're comfortable with things. You know, I still feel guilty about everything... I feel like I took advantage somehow and–"
His voice was as soft as his touch when he reached over and took her hand. "Rach, c'mon, we talked about this already. None of this was your fault. It was already decided before the party. Really, I shouldn't have ever proposed to her in the first place." Because I never loved her the way I love you. "So stop worrying about it, and please stop apologizing, 'kay?"
She sighs, then nods and offers a small grin in response then continues eating her risotto.
It pained him to know she still felt guilty over something he wanted so SO desperately and thought was so SO right between them. Even though he wanted nothing more than to tell her that, he just couldn't be the downfall of her relationship with Jesse. He'd decided that she must really love the jerk to feel so guilty over her actions that night, so he still hasn't told her the truth about his feelings and continues to suffer in silence.
At least his mistake of letting things go so far between them on that alcohol fueled night hadn't ruined their friendship; she was still in his life just like always, even if they'd only ever be just friends, and that mattered more than anything else.
"Anyway, since Tana's gonna be moving out, I've been looking over my finances to be sure I can manage paying the bills on my own for a while. I think I'll be okay for a few months, at least til the bar opens. Then hopefully it does well enough that I should be fine... But if it doesn't, I'm probably either gonna need to get a roommate or to move back in with mom and Burt for a bit."
She places her hand on his knee. "Stop sounding so pessimistic, Finn! The bar is going to be a HUGE success. I know it, and you need to believe it, too. A positive attitude goes a long way toward making your dreams into reality, you know."
He wonders briefly if positively believing she loves him the way he loves her would work the same way.
"Thanks Rach. I'm working on it. And it means so much to me, the way you always believe in me. I just hope I don't let you down."
"Impossible, Finn. You can't let me down... but you really do need to believe in yourself more. Why can't you see how incredibly brave and smart and capable of achieving your dreams that you really are? Starting your own business isn't easy but it's happening because you're making it happen. And I'm so proud of you."
He chuckles and pokes her in the side teasingly. "Okay seriously, you're gonna give me a big head."
She giggles and leans over to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Well, you deserve to be showered in compliments, especially today. So did you have a good birthday?"
"Yeah, I did. Kurt took me for brunch earlier then shopping for a few new items to add to my wardrobe – including this shirt I'm wearing – and sure, clothes shopping with Kurt could've been as much fun as having my fingernails pulled out with pliers, but he kept his whining about my 'pathetic flannel fashion sense' to a minimum and we actually had a pretty good day together." His index finger taps the tip of her nose. "And now I'm here with my favorite girl enjoying a great meal together, so yeah, it's been a pretty great day."
She blushes, bites her bottom lip and smiles so brightly he thinks he should be wearing sunblock. "Well I'm glad you enjoyed your special day, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. Happy birthday, Finn."
He raises her hand to his lips and softly brushes them across her knuckles and she just melts inside wanting to leap across the table and pounce on him.
Why can't she stop these feelings? Why does he always have to be so sweet? How can she keep going on like this? Jesse has never made her feel this way. She wishes there was some easy solution, some magic wand to wish one or the other out of existence because really, something needs to give. Either her entire relationship with Jesse needs to just end, or her intense feelings for Finn do. And so far there's no signs of the latter coming to fruition – in fact she feels them gaining traction each time they're together.
That apple cart of hers has been well fortified over the years, but it's getting mighty wobbly now and she knows the wheels are gonna come off eventually. For tonight at least she just needs to maintain her composure and continue doing what she's always done – deny deny deny.
...FRFRF...
Another week had passed. Santana had decided to move in with Brittany and has been slowly clearing her things from Finn's apartment. He'd been busy helping her pack and move the heavier items while trying to ignore his growing contempt and sense of uneasiness for that date circled on the calendar. The date when Rachel Berry officially would become Rachel St. James.
Except for a few brief text exchanges or an occasional good morning/good night phone call, they haven't had much time for each other. In fact they haven't seen one another in person since Finn's birthday. The pair have been slowly allowing a small chasm to form between them and it's been taking its toll on both of them, though neither wants to be the one to talk about it first.
It's now less than two weeks before Rachel's wedding day. She has been busy with play rehearsals and last minute wedding preparations, while Finn has been overwhelmed with helping Tana move and finishing touches before the grand opening of his bar next month.
On this particular day, Finn is busy at the bar with inventory, stocking the barwares and liquor shelves (now that his liquor license is approved) when Kurt makes an unannounced visit just to check in with his brother.
"Wow Finn. I must say, I'm impressed. The place is looking fabulous."
"Thanks little brother. Is this just a social call or were you planning to stick around and pitch in? I could use an extra set of hands you know. Puck'll be here later, but you're here now, so feel free to roll up your sleeves and get to work."
"Ew. No thank you. Leave it to that mohawked Neanderthal pal of yours to play the part of the hired muscle. And for the record, these sleeves are not meant for rolling, and you couldn't afford to replace them if anything happened to them. Besides, I have plans with Blaine tonight – dinner and a show. We've got tickets to see A Life tonight. I'm quite excited about it actually."
Finn rolls his eyes at his brother's prissiness. Sure he's gotten used to it after all this time, but it doesn't make it any less annoying; familiarity and comfort are not the same thing, after all.
"Cool. So, you're just basically slumming it, passing through just to disturb me right now?" He asks jovially and a little winded as he hefts yet another large case of top tier vodka onto the bar.
Kurt picks a few flecks of lint from his sleeve and pulls his best casually disinterested tone of voice as he responds.
"Hmm... not quite. It's just been a while since we talked, you know, just you and me. I only wanted to check in on you, see how you're doing, especially now that Satan is moving out. Also, dad told me about your little chat with him."
Finn's face falls a little. After all the numerous heated conversations spent since middle school denying his feelings for Rachel to his brother, he assumes this is a classic Kurt move – coming here now to rub his face in it. The last thing he needs today is some kind of I told you so song and dance.
"Of course he did. Come to gloat about my misery, then? Because if you have, you can save it, Kurt. I don't really have the time or energy for a lecture or an inquisition. I've got way too much on my plate right now and–"
"No, not all. I'm honestly offended that you'd think so little of me, Finn! You're my brother after all; I'd never want to hurt you that way."
"Oh... well. Good to hear. Thanks little bro."
"I just found it curious is all... since I'd spent several hours with our little Diva today, helping finalize details and reviewing a video montage for her rehearsal dinner, and well, you know, I just had to look in on you, assuming you'd either fallen and hit your head and were now suffering amnesia, or perhaps were possibly laying in a coma somewhere, since you OBVIOUSLY have still not yet talked to her and confessed your true feelings! FINN?! What exactly are you waiting for? I think it'd be considered a little gauche to hold out until, say, the wedding reception!"
Yeah, there it is.
"Back off, Kurt. I'd just appreciate it if like, just this once, you'd keep your opinions to yourself and stay out of it."
"I'll do no such thing! I've bitten my tongue quite long enough, but someone needs to be YOUR voice of reason here, Finn! We both know she's making a TERRIBLE mistake with this sham of a wedding and her nonsensical choice of groom. Why haven't you told her yet?"
"Kurt, just drop it, please."
"No. Not until you tell me what's going on inside your potato shaped head, Finnegan!"
Finn ignores his brother's continued harping as he places bottle after bottle on the tiered shelving behind the bar.
"Ok then, if you won't talk, maybe you'll listen. I spent two hours with her going through old video footage and photos from her past, and YOU sir, are in about 99% of them! Do you have any idea how many tears she shed today? She claimed they were merely nostalgic tears, but I beg to differ. They were regretful tears, they were hopeless tears, Finn! She's second-guessing this insane wedding and YOU are supposed to be the knight in shining.. flannel that comes in and rescues the fair maiden. So where is your trusty steed, huh? Out grazing in a pasture somewhere?"
"The exit is right over there, the way you came in Kurt. Don't let the door hit your ASS on the way out."
"Finn!"
"Kurt!"
"Just talk to me please? Tell me what's going on, why aren't you telling her the truth? She LOVES you Finn!"
He rolls his eyes at his brother and grabs a heavy box of martini glasses. "She loves Jesse, you know, the guy she's actually getting ready to marry."
"No. She does not love him like that Finn, we both know it; certainly not in the same way she feels about you."
"You know, everyone keeps telling me exactly those same words. Rachel loves you Finn, she always loved you. But you know who has NOT told me those words? RACHEL."
"Well you haven't told her either... so that's just a childish excuse! Finn, you better than ANYONE else know how stubborn and insecure she is. Why on earth would you expect her to be the one to tell you first?"
Finn sighs. Okay, if he's being honest, his brother makes a good point, but that doesn't change the fact that he does not want to be the reason she breaks off her engagement. It would be better for their relationship if she could come to that decision on her own. And he's already voiced his opinion in the matter, so the ball's technically in her court now.
"Look, I tried to get her to see reason about what an insufferable DICKWAD that dude really is and nearly lost her friendship over it. We came back from that fight, and she knows my feelings on the topic now. It's up to her to decide to leave him and despite my best efforts, she seems hell bent on standing by him. What more do you want me to do, Kurt?"
"Maybe try being HONEST with her about YOUR own feelings for her, Finn, that's what more you can do! Okay, so you told her marrying Mr St James is a mistake, great. But you didn't tell her the second half of it, and that second part carries as much if not MORE weight than the first part, wouldn't you say? I can promise you the truth would matter to her, Finn."
"I made her a promise, okay? I'm not gonna break it now. Anyway, it's all kinda pointless now, isn't it? The date is set, all the plans are finalized... It's too late, Kurt."
"It certainly is not! It's only too late after someone says I do – and even then it's never too late! There's no time limit on love Finn... for all the years you've been suffering and waiting for it to pass, I'd think you should know that by now. It's not simply just going to go away. Now explain: What is this promise you're talking about?"
"Don't worry about it. And I appreciate what you're saying, but I'm not gonna put this on her. I made an effort once and maybe the fact that nothing has changed is the universe telling me it was wrong the last time. It's up to her now."
...FRFRF...
After an hour spent at Temple going through the motions of the 'pretend' wedding in final preparation for the real one tomorrow, Finn was ready to go out and get hammered. He really needed a drink (or twelve).
The calendar finally caught up to him and the time was here: rehearsal day. The countdown was over and tomorrow he'd lose all hope of ever having her as his. Yes, she would still be his friend, but the reality was sinking in that it's all he would ever have with her in less than twenty-four hours.
"Okay folks, looks like we're done here. Rachel and I want to thank you all for being part of our special day. We'll meet you at the restaurant for dinner. Remember to tell them it's for the St James wedding party and they'll be sure to escort you to the private banquet room," Jesse announced wearing a shit-eating grin.
Finn really didn't want to attend this damned dinner, but Rachel's hug and "see you there" before they left the Temple was all the convincing it took for him to force himself to go. He'd do it for her, as always.
But not before stopping off for a couple of shots of liquid courage.
"Hey Puck, tell Quinn to hitch a ride with Artie or something. Let's make a pit stop on the way to dinner."
"Uh, okay... I mean, I'm hungrier than those starving kids in Ethiopia and there's free food waiting for us, but I'm game. Where to?"
"My bar. I need a drink."
"Shit brother, free drinks? You don't have to ask me twice, SOLD!"
"Yeah well, enjoy them now... once we open, don't expect that your bar manager position entitles you to endless freebies. I'm just feeling generous tonight."
Within five minutes they were standing outside the bar. Puck took in the sight hanging from the building overhead from the sidewalk, but held his tongue until the liquor was flowing.
"Well Huddy, I guess it's no secret why you wanted to drown your sorrows. You just couldn't man up and take the plunge, huh? Did nothing I said to you a few weeks ago matter or sink into that thick noggin of yours?"
"Dude, I don't really need another lecture. You're here to be sure I don't pass out or go postal and do shit I shouldn't. And also to lock up just in case I do."
"Noted. But dammit Finn, I thought maybe I finally got through to you. I saw how Berrylicious was licking her lips checking you out tonight. Man, why the hell are you letting her go through with it?"
"Fuck all, man. Can you just drop it? I've had this conversation way too many times recently and I really can't do it again. Alotta shit happened in the last few weeks, I made my decision. Rachel knows enough about how I feel that it should be her choice. That's it. Now drop it and drink or leave."
"Okay okay. Shit." After a couple shots and a few beats, Puck side-eyes his buddy. "So.. the bar name, huh?"
"Puck..."
"Has she seen it? Does she know?"
"No, not yet. But I really don't wanna talk about that either, okay?"
"Okay. Sorry brother. This really fuckin' sucks."
"Yeah, it really does."
...FRFRF...
Nearly an hour, a few beers, and several shots of tequila (each) later, the pair of friends finally arrived at the rehearsal dinner. Rachel of course rushed straight over to Finn.
"Finn, where have you been! I've been worried sick! I called and texted and you never answered, what took you so long?"
He wrapped her in a big sloppy hug and nearly toppled them both over. "OOPS sorry bout that, short-stuff. Guess my ringer was turned off for the thing at Temple... musta forgot to turn it back on."
Her eyes narrowed and she leaned in to whisper yell "Finn Hudson... have you been drinking?! You smell like a Mexican distillery!"
He patted her on the head. "Yup. Very observant of you, Nancy Drew. But s'okay, I'm a big boy. I'm allowed to have a drink if I want. 'Sides, we're s'posed to be celebratin' tonight, right? YIPPEE!"
Finn chuckled loudly, gaining the attention of Puck who'd been just a few feet from this conversation snickering and trying to just eavesdrop without participating. However, once he realized how angry Rachel was getting he decided to jump in and intervene.
"Sorry little Boo-Berry, it's my fault your boy threw a few back. I talked him into that little detour... he knew you'd be mad but I forced him to go. So be mad at me, not the Finnster, 'kay?"
"I should've known your poor influence would be involved, Noah. Please go get him and yourself some strong black coffee and some food. Try to sober up a little. We've been waiting to begin with the entertainment until you arrived. I need to go see Artie now." Before she walked away she poked her pointy index finger in both their chests "And NO MORE ALCOHOL for either of you tonight!"
Finn chuckled and swayed a little in place, offering a mock salute. "Scout's honor, Rach." Then he turned to Puck "She's really strong for such a munchkin... but isn't she cute when she's pissed?"
Puck laughed heartily, shaking his head at his tall and nearly sloppy-drunk friend. "Yeah she's cute. Damn Huddy, you've really become a lightweight. Time was you could handle twice as much hooch as this without being so trashed. I guess I know why we had to make that detour tonight though. You sure you wanna stick around for the rest of the shit-show? I can hail you a cab."
"Nah, I'm good... I just need to eat. Rach'll be SUPER pissed if I leave now."
As they made their way to their table, Jesse tapped Finn on the shoulder asking to speak with him privately. They ended up in the hallway near the restrooms and away from the main banquet room.
"Hudson, so nice to see you finally made it to dinner. Rachel was quite frantic."
"Yep. Already got an earful 'bout it too, but thanks for your concern. What can I do for you St Jag– James?"
"I just wanted to remind you of your place at this event. Rachel's been a bit delicate the past few days and I don't want her distracted or upset any further by your inappropriate behavior."
Finn just blinked at the shorter man. "My what now?"
"Tomorrow Rachel WILL become my wife. For all intents and purposes, she already is my wife; therefore I'd just appreciate it if you'd keep your distance from her this evening. I think you should just eat your meal and then leave. Quietly."
Finn folded his arms in front of his chest and narrowed his eyes. "Now why would I do that? What's your problem anyway?"
"My problem is that you don't seem to know your boundaries – especially when you've been drinking. It's come to my attention thanks to my twin cousins Tiff and Steph – whom you'd apparently forgotten were still in attendance that night – that you were serenading and manhandling my fiancée all night at RPM, then were later seen leaving with her. While I trust Rachel implicitly, I certainly cannot extend the same courtesy to you."
Finn felt his temper rising and wondered just what exactly Jesse was driving at here. Surely Rachel never mentioned their makeout session to him, and he really didn't think their behavior at the club was something anyone could consider inappropriate.
"What the hell are you talking about, dude? I made sure Rach got home safely, yeah, because she was pretty wasted and YOU abandoned her that night, remember?"
"Yes well, my job comes first, and Rachel is well aware of that. Listen Hudson, you might have her fooled, but I can smell it all over you; you reek of jealousy. It's rather pitiful, actually. You clearly have romantic feelings for my fiancée and you've been trying to poison her away from me for some time now. I'm sure of it – especially in light of the fact that you are newly SINGLE. Perhaps Santana has you figured out as well? Perhaps she was also unwilling to put up with your nonsense, playing second fiddle."
"Hey, you leave Tana outta things! Whatever happened between me and her is none of your damn business. And I dunno what you're carrying on about, I already told you before, Rachel is MY best friend and I will NEVER stop taking care of her."
"Yes, well.. You can deny it all you like, but a man knows when there's someone sniffing around after what's his. But I'm afraid the joke's on you after all, isn't it? Rachel isn't interested in you, in case you missed the memo – aka the wedding invitation. Although, by day after tomorrow, all of this will be a moot point anyway. I was merely trying to give you an opportunity to show some grace and dignity tonight and tomorrow."
"Dude, I know I've had a couple drinks tonight but I'm really not that far gone so I should totally be able to figure out what the hell you're talking about by now... but since I left my bullshit decoder ring at home, how bout you do a better job 'splaining things and say exactly what the hell you mean."
"Rachel and I will be moving to London, Finn. I did try to warn you the day of that awful tux shopping excursion that it was time for you to cut ties. I tried to prepare you for this reality, and it's finally upon us now."
"Whooaaa.. Hold the hell on. Whaddyou mean, MOVING? She never said anything to me about moving!"
"Yes well, she wouldn't have, because she doesn't know yet; it's a surprise, my wedding gift to her. Of course, we're heading to Paris for our honeymoon, she's well aware of that; she just doesn't yet know that we're not coming back. I've secured her the leading role of a lifetime on the West End and she will be THRILLED to learn about it."
"What about the play here? Spring whatchamacallit. Y'know, the stupid play you were bitching about her not being prepared for, or pretty enough for without getting a damn nose job, or too lazy to do well in... the one you've been spending ALL your time away from her for months getting ready for?"
"Oh that paltry little off-Broadway production... Yes, well.. Other arrangements have been made. That's what understudies are for. There's already a new director on board – that's why I've had so many late night and overnight meetings lately, to get him up to speed and hand off the reins."
"Well... why the hell are you telling me all of this now?"
"So that you'll have your last SOBER opportunity tomorrow to say your goodbyes to her. Our flight to Paris is booked for midnight after the wedding. You see, I'm not completely heartless, I'll allow you the chance to say your farewells. But I'm also not going to let you ruin her career or drag her down with any more ridiculous ideas of domesticity. The time to cut those apron strings is now, Finn."
"Fuck you St Jackass! Who the hell do you think you are? You don't own her! You don't know me, and you sure as hell don't know Rachel at all! She'll hate you for sneaking around and doin' all this shit behind her back! You think I'm gonna let you run her life like that? You think I'm gonna let you keep messing with her brain, killing her confidence and screwing with her heart? No fucking way pal. And I'm gonna tell her everything."
"No you won't."
"Oh yeah? Who's gonna stop me? You think YOU'RE gonna stop me?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact. Because if you let one word of this conversation slip from your drunken mouth to her ears, your liquor license will be revoked. You might also find a few safety violations on your next inspection, along with some trouble finding favor with the fire marshall. See Hudson, I've tried to explain to you the many benefits of having the last name St James in this town. Perhaps you'll need to be properly schooled in order to finally understand, given that little pea-brain of yours."
"You slimy little cock-sucking bastard! You wouldn't dare!"
Jesse smirked and held his phone up, waving it in Finn's face. "Try me. One phone call is all it takes."
Finn couldn't take it anymore. Who the hell was this guy? It was time to do what he'd always wanted to do, and in his (more than) slightly inebriated state, nothing was going to stop him now. This douche was long overdue for a MAJOR ass-kicking and Finn was finally ready to hand it out.
As he cocked his fist back and was mid swing, he couldn't understand why his arm suddenly wasn't propelling forward anymore. It finally registered with him when he felt the grip on his elbow and heard the voice in his ear. "Dude, Finnster, you're making a scene back here man... Let's go get a breath of air, brother. This dickwad isn't worth a trip to the drunk tank, I promise you."
Puck. Fucking Puck, fucking stopping him from fucking handing out the beat down of a lifetime to the world's biggest fucking douchebag.
"Puck! I swear man, either help me kick this shithead's ass or back the fuck off! Let me go!"
Puck by now had Finn pinned in an armlock and was struggling to get him moving in the direction of the rear exit. "No can do, Finnessa. Let's go!"
"Finn! Noah! What in the world is going on over here, Jesse?"
Jesse gave a knowing look at Finn as Rachel passed pleading looks between the three men.
"Nothing Rachel, my sweet... seems your friends here have simply had a few too many drinks and well, boys will be boys. I believe Puckerman is taking Finn home now."
Puck shoots a death glare at the shorter man. "Yeah. That's what I'm doing Shortstack... sorry about the commotion."
The last thing Finn saw as Puck finally dragged him out the rear exit was the sad look on Rachel's face. He knew there was just nothing more he could do now, even if he WANTED to. He wasn't sure if he'd even get a chance to speak to Rachel at all before Jesse stole her away on a red-eye to a new life far away from him.
The more he thought about it, he figured maybe it was for the best that he just didn't speak to her at all... seems like St Jagoff had the upper hand and he was completely, totally and officially screwed.
And he still had the wedding from hell to look forward to tomorrow.
...FRFRF...
A/N - YOWZA. I may have broken the angst-meter a little this time... but we're in the home stretch now, 1 down 2 to go! And doncha just wanna punch JSJ in the face right now? Damn you Puck for stopping Finn! =)
Please forgive me for one of the worst rounds of writers block i've had in a long while! And THANK YOU to my dear lovely Broadway Belle for helping pull my numb brain through the muck to finish this chapter and for adding quite a few AWESOME story ideas, some that will take us all the way to the end! Also to my darlin' Sapplingofastar for her amazing beta work too, despite her full plate of work and school she still puts up with my crazy :-D