FIFTY-SIX TAKES (MINISERIES)
Written by: Cindy Lynn Milburn aka Zebra3Cop
My dear friend and accomplished author, Jan Schor aka (seentherain) started a hilarious group participation on the SHFAFF sight late 2023. It was based off the notorious 56 takes scene that has been reproduced on a video, called THE SMILES. The premise was Starsky is doing a scene with a young female bit player. They are laying on the sofa and she is positioned on top of his shirtless body.
He has a simple line: "Whatcha thinkin' about babe?"
All little Miss X, as we will call her, has to say is "All about you."
Jan asked all the ladies to participate with how they would have Miss X answer if she deviated from her simple line.
My mind wandered and I came up with my own partial 56 TAKES MINISERIES. Many people participated and Jan actually exceeded 56 takes.
Starsky and Hutch finally have met their match when the energetic bit player X comes onto the set, but don't worry, the boys always have each other for comfort after a traumatic day.
Anything I write seems to turn into a series.
S) Starsky H) Hutch D) Director X) the effervescent young bit-player
TAKE NUMBER 1.
S) Whatcha thinkin' babe?
X to the curly haired one) What's my motivation in this scene?
S) I'm the star, you don't need motivation.
X) I'm a method actor, I need to feel your motivation.
S to the director) Hold the cameras. I have to motivate her. We'll be awhile.
TAKE NUMBER 2.
3 HOURS LATER...
(D to S) You need to put some feeling into the scene.
S) Feeling? I lost any feeling in my lips 3 hours ago motivating her.
OK, triffic, one more time.
D) and Action...
S) Watcha thinkin' about babe?
X) a cheeseburger. I'm really hungry after all that rehearsal.
D) CUT.
S) HUUUTCH!
TAKE NUMBER 3
9pm a very long day
S to director) Why are we still doing this?
D) She's Spelling's niece
S) Oh
Miss X is now positioned on the shirtless wonder
S) Whatcha thinking babe?
X)Why do you have a big patch of hair missing?
S) another bit player for a scene used Nair instead of suntan lo... can't we just say the line and kiss and let me go home?
X) I have a whole notebook filled with her back story. Don't you want to know so you have motivation?
S) I'm holding back on what I'm motivated to do right now, Sweetheart. You have one scene with me. Your back story doesn't matter.
X) OH au contraire. I'm talking Uncle Aaron into making this a mini-series starring me. Play your cards right, you could go places.
I'm thinking of calling it THE BLONDE, THE BRUNETTE, AND THE OTHER GUY
(she points to the blonde wonder who is watching off camera)
D) crying now.. CUT CUT CUT
S) HUUUTCH
TAKE NUMBER 4
NEXT DAY. Starsky is wearing sunglasses due to lack of sleep. Shaking as he sees bouncy Miss X approaching his shirtless body with a big toothy smile, her wavy blonde hair and carrying her thick portfolio of her character's background.
S) That's it. I can't take it anymore. I want my partner. Let him do the scene with Miss Miniseries over here.
X) Can't we just sit down and talk it over?
S) That's his song, not mine
X) OH, he's the famous one
Starsky gets up and sits in a director's chair with a cold cloth over his face
D) I can't say CUT. we never even ROLLED
TAKE NUMBER 5
(Starsky watching his partner and Miss X while popping antacids. Hutch eagerly takes his shirt off, waiting for the scene to start.)
H) Don't worry about a thing partner, I can handle women.
D) OK, scene with Starsky (make that Hutch) with Miss X. Are you ready to roll?
H) Hey I can't say Whatcha. I pronounce words properly.
D) Whatever. And….action.
H) So, what are you thinking about honey?
X) If your mustache is going to tickle when I kiss you. If it does, you might have to shave it off if you want to be in my miniseries. This is your big break. I'm thinking of changing the name from A Blonde, a Brunette and the Other guy... to Two Blondes and the other guy. (She points to Starsky who is now leaning forward in one of the director's chairs and smirking)
D) Cut
Hutch now looks at Starsky with a bewildered expression on his face.
S) Somehow this is getting fun to watch now.
TAKE NUMBER 6
(Starsky is suddenly alert and enjoying the never ending takes of this scene with his blonde partner)
D) and….. Action
H) So, what are you thinking honey?
X) Wow, that your teeth are actually the same size as mine.
D) Cut.
H) So, what are you thinking about darlin'?
X) Trying not to slide off your chest. It's so smooth.
D) Cut
Hutch is pointing his finger at Starsky who is sliding off his chair in laughter)
H) So, Whatcha thinkin' about now? Cut, cut, I don't say Whatcha.
(gritting his teeth) So, What are you thinking about now sweetheart?
X) Ohhhhh…..I'm getting poked with something. (She reaches down and pulls up a beer bottle that his partner had thrown over to him between takes)
D) Cut…. Try it again…..and….action.
H) Thinkin' about anything, anything at all?
X) That this is no fun. I can't be expected to give a winning performance when I have no cooperation from my costars. How am I supposed to bring forth my potential as a serious actress when you two keep blowing your lines?
Hutch is now pointing his finger at little Miss X as she points her finger back at him.
H) Excuse me?
X) I have greater things meant for me.
Starsky now runs over to join his blonde friend in letting poor Miss X down easy and making sure this is 'goodbye' to the blonde whirlwind..
S) You were great sweetheart. I'm sure your Uncle will find someplace for you on the set. There is tons of stuff to do. Wardrobe, scripts…
H) Sure, you're meant for greater things than acting. You can do anything you put your little blonde mind to.
X) You really think so?
S&H) Suuure.
The Director is crossing himself and sending a prayer of thanks up as Miss X walks away to talk to her Uncle Aaron Spelling and Starsky and Hutch High Five each other and grab a few beers waiting for a new bit part player.
HALF AN HOUR LATER
The Zebra 3 duo are lounged on the sofa together, legs propped up on the table, waiting for another beautiful girl to read the line and kiss one of them.
Miss X dances in holding 2 scripts, waving her arms, smiling and expertly delivers a long memorable kiss to both of them, leaving them speechless.
X) Thank you, thank you. I talked with Uncle Aaron.
S) Oh, scripts. You're the new script girl?
X) You'll never believe it. We're going to have so much fun.
Starsky looks at Hutch with fear in his heart.
H) Ahhhh…..What will you be doing for the show?
(He grabs hold of Starsky's arm and Starsky grips Hutch's leg.)
X) Meet your new Director for the next 2 shows. Uncle Aaron thought it would be good experience for me. And you two can teach me everything you know. Won't this just be dreamy? Now we can spend all day and evening together. See you bright and early Monday morning.
Hutch has now fallen into Starsky's arms, sobbing as Starsky pops 2 more antacids.
S) It's ok big guy. It's ok. I gottcha.
D) That's a wrap.