"Good morning," Addison greeted softly as she came into the kitchen while trying to put on the back of her earring. She found her estranged husband standing by counter with a mug of coffee in his hand. She woke up that morning to find him in her bed with their daughter between. He was still asleep when she got up to shower but she knew their daughter must have somehow been behind the whole thing.

He responded in kind and held a mugful of hot coffee out to her. "Black and sweet," he told her before she took a sip. She's always taken her coffee with just a splash of half and half, never any sugar. He had no idea when her preference changed or if there was a reason behind it. He couldn't help but wonder what else had changed about her while he wasn't paying attention.

"Thank you," she replied as she took the mug and took a sip. She looked at him quietly for a few seconds before setting the mug down on the counter. "About last night…"

Derek started shaking him head, hoping to dismiss the topic, "We don't have to talk about it."

"Yes, we do," Addison insisted. "We're confusing the kids."

"I meant what I said last night, Addison."

She gave him a confused look, picking up her mug again to take a sip. "What you said? I was talking about waking up in the same bed…"

"You said you love me," he reminded her.

Addison blushed, putting the mug down and holding up a hand to stop him, "I'm sorry, I must have been half asleep. I don't even remember that. I didn't mean to make this more uncomfortable than it already must be for you," she rambled.

"No, it's okay, don't be sorry. You said you love me and I said I love you too."

Her brows furrowed together again. "You did?"

He nodded.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I meant it."

"You did?" she said again.

For the second time, he nodded. "I did."

She looked at him in shock, unsure what to say.

"That doesn't mean that I forgive you or Mark," he quickly added. "But I want to forgive you and I want to be able to trust you again and I want to be able to put this whole mess behind us. And I think we can. I think it will be a lot of work and it might be really hard on us sometimes, but," he shrugged, met her eyes and continued, "But I think this marriage is worth fighting for because I still love you and I know you love me, even if we drift apart sometimes, I still think we're soulmates."

Addison could feel tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to blink them away but one or two tears still escaped and rolled down her cheek. She quickly reached for her face to wipe them away, hoping he wouldn't notice them.

At first he turned away from her, figuring he could distract himself by packing their daughter's lunchbox to give Addison the privacy she always sought when she got emotion, but he quickly turned back, remembering that he had promised years ago that she'd never have to hide her tears from him. "You okay, Addie?"

She nodded, "I'm fine."

"Are you really fine or is this like when girls say they're fine but they're not fine."

"I'm fine, I'm really fine," she told him with a small chuckle. "I'm just really glad that you feel that way. I'd love to earn back your trust and forgiveness. It was a mistake, Derek, a really stupid mistake. I realize nothing will ever be the same, but maybe that's a good thing? Because what we had, at the end before Mark, before you left, it wasn't good."

"I knew it wasn't good but I didn't realize it was that bad."

"Derek, you'd casually insult me at work. You avoided me at all costs, and when you did come home, we'd fight. And if I ever tried to bring it up, you'd dismiss the conversation as if I was being too needy, which you know I've always been sensitive about."

"I did not dismiss you."

She sighed, looking at him with the warm mug cupped between both hands. "I don't want to argue about this now. Can we just enjoy the making up part and leave the argument for later?"

"It's not an argument. I don't want to argue either. I'm telling you genuinely that I never felt like I was dismissing you or any conversations."

"'Not now, Addison. We'll talk about this at home, Addison. I'm busy, Addison.' Those were all dismissals. And after a while of being dismissed, I stopped trying to bring anything up and our marriage fell apart."

He set his mug down and nodded, acknowledging that those sentiments had been a frequent part of his vocabulary during the last few months of their marriage. He had never stopped to consider how they'd make her feel.

A sense of guilt built up in his chest. He knew that Addison's parents had always been dismissive and uninterested in spending time with Addison. He remembered the early years of their lives together and how surprised she always seemed when he would pick spending time with her over everything and everyone else. As their marriage progressed, his priorities changed and it never occurred to him that it meant that Addison's progress would revert because of it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize how my behavior could have been affecting you," he responded with his voice barely above a whisper. At that moment, he realized it wasn't just Addison who would have to earn forgiveness, there was plenty he was responsible for that he had to earn forgiveness for; from Addison, from their daughter, and their son.

"Can we just let it go and start over?" she said, her words almost sounding like a desperate plea. "We both did things we aren't proud of. I'm sorry, you know I'm sorry, I can keep telling you I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to move on from this mess."

"Yeah," he agreed, holding his mug out halfway toward hers. "To new beginnings," he toasted.

A small smile grew on her lips as she clinked her mug against his (carefully so the hot liquid does not spill out and burn either of them). "To new beginnings."

That same day he called Richard to let him know that he wouldn't be returning and that he'd have to terminate his employment. Though the news was shocking to Richard, somehow it wasn't at all unexpected. He knew it was only a matter of time before Derek would realize everything he walked away from and go back.

As days and weeks went on, a new sense of normal took shape in the Shepherd household. Derek's continued leave of absence allowed him to take on a role he'd never known before, the role of primary caretaker to his two children. He'd take the kids to and from therapy, he'd sit with Chris and try to keep him on track with school work even while he was away from campus, he'd be the one to make dinner, grocery shop, and run errands. He couldn't fathom how Addison had managed to do most of the work for their family while managing her own demanding career.

"You can go back to work, Derek. You don't have to do this everyday," Addison told him as she stood at the sink after dinner washing dishes.

He stood beside her, dutifully drying each plate to put away. "I don't know what I want to do," he admitted.

Her hands stopped scrubbing the pan for a second and she glanced over at him. "Well, honey, your options are kind of limited. You can't exactly be an anesthesiologist or, I don't know, an allergist . Not unless you do a new residency or fellowship. Otherwise, you can either be a neurosurgeon or you can leave medicine and be something normal."

"Medicine isn't normal?" Derek questioned.

Addison considered this for a second before shaking her head. "No, it's really not. We give up so much of ourselves to go into medicine. We sacrifice our families. We hold life and death in our hands and it gives us this unrealistic god complex. Bank tellers and car salesman doesn't exactly have that problem."

"You want me to become a car salesman?"

Addison shrugged as she handed him the pot she had been washing so he could dry it. "If that's what you want."

"Well, unfortunately, I don't know much about cars so I'll have to pass on that and stick to neuro," he told her teasingly. "What I meant was, I don't know if I want to go back to what I was doing before. It was too much to keep up with."

Addison didn't need to nod or say anything for him to know she agreed that it was too much. "You could consider working per diem. We'd have benefits through me; and not that money matters, but you'd be paid a ton more per diem than on staff. You can set your own schedule, work when you want, stay home when you want."

It sounded great, in theory. But per diem doctors are independent contractors, independent contracts don't become Chief of Staff or Chief of Surgery at one of the biggest hospitals in one of the cities in the world. That was always his dream; that was always what he was working toward.

Addison knew exactly what he was thinking without having him to hear him confirm her suspicion. She knew her husband's dream of growing into hospital leadership, he'd been very vocal about it since the day they'd first met. "I don't want to take your dreams away from you, Derek," she told him quietly. "But, I think maybe sometimes dreams change? I know mine did after we had kids."

"Mine never changed," he admitted.

Addison gave him a light shrug, "you're a man, you're generally not pressured to change your goals after you've had kids so that doesn't surprise me."

"You have two board certifications and did two, no, three fellowships. You wanted more?"

"Yes, Derek. I love my job. I wanted more. I could have been triple board certified. I could have done another fellowship. But I love my family, my kids more and it wasn't worth it to me. Being there when Chris lost his first tooth, seeing Avery say take her first steps, say her first word, taking them to their first day of pre-K. But the small moments matter too. When I get to pick them up from school and hear about their days. When Chris needs help with his homework, or when he wants to be involved in making dinner with me just to spend time with me. When Avery needs extra attention and it means extra cuddles. I live for those moments."

"I never really had those experiences with them. I picked Avery up from school for the first time after all of this happened."

"I've obviously never been chief so I can't compare, but I can't imagine anything feels better than the moment she runs into your arms after school."

Derek considers this for a while. Clearly his experience as a working parent differed significantly from his wife's. "Per diem might be a good idea. I'll consider it."

"Hey, what is with all the yelling?" The last thing Addison expected was to come home from work to find her son and husband yelling at one another. She had to raise her voice over both of them just for them to notice her.

"Dad scheduled campus tours for a bunch of stupid schools I don't want to go to!" Christopher exclaimed, voice shaking just a bit with emotion and anger.

"Oh," Addison frowned. "I know. We picked the list together and he checked the times with me so I can join. What's the problem?"

"I don't want to go to a new school and be the weird new kid!"

Derek looked at Addison and said, "Maybe you can talk some logic into your son and help him understand that dropping out of school at 13 is not an option."

"I don't want to drop out! I want to be homeschooled."

Addison was visibly taken aback by the suggestion. She looked over at Derek who seemed to have moved passed surprise into annoyance.

"Addison, please explain to your son why he can't be homeschool." Derek huffed tiredly.

"Okay, let's stop calling him my son. He's our son. I seem to recall you having a great deal of involvement in his existence," she replied, first addressing her husband. Then she looked at their son, "Christopher, while homeschool is a respectable choice for some families and some students, it's not something that would work for our family."

"That's only because no one has ever done it before," their son pointed out logically. It was a valid point, but not one that mattered to his parents. "You guys are doctors, you can teach me high school science and math."

"I know that homeschooling seems like a valid idea," Addison tried again patiently. "Firstly, I cannot teach high school math to save my life. I deleted the Pythagoras theorem from my brain the second I turned in my last math final."

"Pythagorean," Derek corrected from beside her. "And point made."

"You can afford to hire a team," Christopher reminded them. "It's probably cheaper than tuition at any of those schools."

"If you two will let me continue," Addison muttered, glaring from father to son. "As I said, firstly, your father and I can't teach. We don't have the skills or time for that. Second, I'm sorry to say this, I deny it when your grandmother brings it up, but you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, Christopher. You have all of the resources, connections, and opportunities to be be anything and do anything. Homeschooling won't open those doors for you. A prestigious school will, and we can afford to give you that chance. And that's a luxury most kids your age don't have. You have an unfair advantage in life, so many kids would give anything to be where you are, to have the opportunities you have, to have the name you have. You do not get to throw that away. That's a waste of opportunity and that's not okay."

"You sound so much like Bizzy right now," her son told her, making both Addison and Derek's jaw drop. "What if I don't want to have opportunities? I'm gonna get mom's trust fund and I have my own too. I don't have to work."

Derek felt his blood boiling but he tried to set that aside to help their son understand, "Trust funds run out, Christopher. 30 million when your mother was born and 30 million now are two different amounts. And if you don't know how to manage finances, money slips through you fingers so fast you won't even notice."

"Thirty?!" Christopher exclaimed, turning to his mother in shock. "You have thirty million just sitting around somewhere?! How much of the thirty million do I get? Is it 50/50 with Avery or do I get more?" Why does school even matter when we have that much money?"

"My patience is wearing very thin, Chris. You better change your attitude and change it fast," he practically yelled causing his son to startle a bit then turn and run up the stairs. "So spoiled." Derek muttered under his breath.

"That was uncalled for," Addison told him disapprovingly as she finally got around to taking off her coat and pulling off her heels.

"He's being a brat."

Addison shook her head in disagreement and corrected him. "He's being a child who is traumatized of school."

"Addison, we are not going to deprive our son of his childhood because we're too scared to send him back."

"Our son's childhood is over, Derek. It ended the second this problem started."

"Well, we're not taking the rest of his childhood. "I want my kid to make memories with people and have exposure to things. We can't give him that at home. And I certainly can't see you going to annual home school conferences in Saint Laurent pantsuits and Tom Ford shoes to swap casserole recipes with the other moms. That's not exactly the demographic you'd fit in with."

Addison sighed heavily, then raised her voice a little to make sure Derek heard her. "I don't want to homeschool him either, Derek! But you were too harsh with him! He's still healing." She exclaimed.

She was right, he knew she was. There were a few moments of silence between them until Derek spoke. "I'll apologize." He conceded. "But I don't want him living off of a trust fund like a free loader. He needs to make his own life and have his own career and accomplishments. You and I agreed on that before we had kids."

His wife nodded, "I agree, I know, but he's thirteen and right now he's a scared, traumatized child who is not mature enough to understand any of that."

Addison ventured upstairs to change after the long day she had had. After their loud but productive discussion, she felt even more drained and asked Derek to pick up dinner for the four of them and he was smart enough to take Avery with him to give Addison some time to herself. She fully expected a few minutes to herself to wash off her makeup and change into something homey and comfortable and instead she was met with the sound of loud gasps of air coming from behind her son's bedroom door.

She gently knocked, "Christopher?" when he didn't respond, she opened the door to see him sitting on the floor with a paper bag in his hands. She quickly lowered herself to his level and put a hand on his back as he continued gasping for air.

"Christopher, I need you to look at me for a second," she told him as she tried to meet his eyes. "You're okay, you're having a panic attack. Just focus on your breathing, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth."

"I, I, I" he stuttered as she tried to get air to his lungs.

Addison took his hands into hers and gently pulled them away from his face and held on to them. "Honey, look at me. Stop trying to talk and just focus on breathing," she reminded him, patiently staying by his side and talking him through deep breathing exercises until his breathing evened out. Once he seemed to be doing better, she asked, "Are you okay?"

Christopher nodded. "I'm fine, I'm sorry that happened."

"That's okay, you are healing and panic attacks happen sometimes. Is there something that made you upset?" she asked gently.

"Dad left again, didn't he?" he assumed.

"Left?"

"Yeah, I heard you fighting. You were fighting about me. Then I heard him leave. He left us again."

"We were not fighting. We were having a discussion and he did not leave. I mean, he did leave the house but he didn't leave us. He and Avery just to pick up dinner. We ordered and from the Deli around the corner and didn't want to wait on delivery."

"You sounded like we were fighting."

"We're two very stubborn people. A lot of discussions sound like arguing when they're not. I'm sorry if we worried you but I promise, we are not fighting. We are fine. More than fine, we're communicating better than we have a long time," Addison told her son reassuringly.

"I'm sorry that I said you sound like Bizzy," her son told her softly. "And I'm sorry about the way I acted about your trust fund. I just didn't know it was that much. That was rude."

"It's okay," she reassured him as she settled herself on the ground beside beside her son and kept one hand on his hand to rub slow circles. It had been something that always calmed him since he was a baby and she knew that one day he would be too old for her to offer that kind of comfort but right now, he was still a child who needed his mother.

"Dad wants me to go back to school."

"I know."

"I'm not ready to go back to school."

"I know."

"Everyone is going to treat me differently and I don't want to see her again. I know she got fired, but what if the new school I go to hires her?"

"Is that what the panic attack was about?" she asked softly and watched her son nod his head. "She's not going to be back and she won't be able to teach anymore. She pled guilty to the charges the state brought against her and she's in jail."

"She is?"

His mother nodded in response to his question. "We didn't want to get you involved in the legal proceedings because we want to protect you but our lawyer is acting on our behalf to make sure you're safe. She lost her teaching license, she's going to serve some time; I don't remember how much. Then she's going to have to register as a sex offender so she won't be able to get a job that involves children. That means she won't be able to teach anymore."

Christopher looked visibly relieved by this news. The front door opened and slammed shut and he could hear his father and sister downstairs.

"Addison?!" Derek called loudly from downstairs.

She didn't respond, instead keeping her focus on her son who was recovering from his panic attack. She kept soothingly rubbing his back. Derek called her name a few more times and finally came upstairs and found them sitting on the floor in his bedroom with Addison rubbing his back. "Everything okay in here?"

"He had a panic attack but he's doing better now," Addison told him with her voice just barely above a whisper.

"Oh," Derek muttered, assuming it had been because of the argument he had been having with his son just an hour earlier about returning to school. "I'm sorry about earlier. I was too harsh, I should have been more understanding and patient. I was wrong to not hear you out and I'm sorry if I scared or offended you."

"Thanks," Chris quietly muttered as his mother kept soothingly rubbing his back. "I already said sorry to Mom for the rude stuff I saw about her... and her trust fund. You're right, it's hers and it's not right for me to rely on that."

Derek nodded and quietly watched his son for a few seconds, "It's just school tours, Chris. No commitments, no start dates, no pressure. We're just doing our research for when we feel ready."

Addison looked up at him, "Let's just stop talking about it for now and let Christopher catch his breath," she told him and reminded him that their young daughter could not be left downstairs unsupervised for long. As he turned to leave, she asked him to set the table with a promise to be downstairs soon. He nodded and stepped out of the room, giving the mother/son duo their space.

"You okay?" she asked her son, and he nodded. "Good, you go splash some cold water on your face and I'll meet you downstairs."

Thanks for your reviews on the last chapter! So glad people are still reading (and hopefully enjoying) this story! I only have one more chapter of pre-written content left then I'm hoping to wrap up. If you have suggestions on what you'd still like to read in the last chapter, or if you think an aspect of the story was left unresolved, let me know in a review!