"Wait. So you're my boss now?" Vanitas asked when Isa broke the news before dinner.
"If you are still interested in returning to work, yes." Isa chopped the onion required for tonight's carrot pottage, making sure to keep out of Vanitas's peripherals.
The aroma stung Isa's eyes, and he was again grateful that Vanitas's job wasn't his. Isa would still need to hire more chefs to assist Vanitas if his phobia of knives persisted and the Inversed couldn't develop the necessary fine motor coordination, however.
"Huh." Vanitas grated a piece of ginger root into a mortar he'd borrowed from Aqua. Isa had associated the ceramic equipment with pharmacies exclusively, but apparently mortars and pestles were convenient for grinding up spices and other cooking ingredients.
That reminded him, though—there was another topic he still needed to broach with Vanitas. As soon as the other man gave him a response more useful than "huh."
"I promised Aqua we could go on vacation for a few weeks. 'Cause she's gotta leave Naminé for a while before she can make her an official apprentice." Vanitas shrugged. "Think I'll be good to come back after that, though. I miss seeing Remy all the time."
"I believe Remy misses you, as well." Isa smiled a little.
The rat had been present during Isa's negotiations with Scrooge. Luckily, Isa hadn't needed to leverage the threat of a health inspection to gain the upper hand.
Scrooge had heckled and haggled throughout the whole meeting, but had finally gone away giggling with delight at the deal. That was fine. Isa had been realistic enough to realize bankrupting the duck was impossible. It didn't matter if McDuck had turned a profit on his investment, despite Isa's attempts to drive down his business' value.
Scrooge had handed over the title and the keys, in the end. Isa had accomplished his goal.
He was now the proud owner of Le Grand Bistrot.
"It will still take some time to finish preparations for reopening," Isa said as he laid a cross-section of onion down on Vanitas's vegetable dicer. "There is no rush for you to return. Please, take full advantage of your disability leave."
Isa wouldn't be the managerial overlord he'd been in the Organization. In addition to no longer being literally heartless, it also helped that he had significantly more control over hiring at the restaurant than in choosing who would become a greater Nobody. Interviews were already set up for later this week with promising applicants.
(And re-applicants, in some cases. Scrooge had fired several chefs who had complained about low pay and about mold creeping through the ceiling. From the apartments where Isa and his fellow Organization members companions had lived.)
Again. Topics to broach.
"Hang on, let me do that." Vanitas swept past him, taking over the vegetable dicer.
It was a flat thing with a sharp metal grate that chopped the slice of onion into pieces when Vanitas slammed the top of the mechanism down. Vanitas grinned at the loud sound. Isa winced.
At least he was having fun.
"Would you like me to work on the carrots, then?" Isa asked.
"Up to you. You're the boss, aren't you?" Vanitas smirked.
Isa shook his head with a snort, but he moved the cutting board and retrieved the carrots from the refrigerator.
"There is one other request I have for you," he said.
"Shoot." Vanitas punctuated the response with another slam of the dicer.
"Would you be willing to visit a doctor with me and my… ah, Lea and Roxas and Xion?" Isa tried not to wince at his near-slip.
They weren't his family. Lea may have returned his affections, but Roxas and Xion… Isa was still unsure how to connect with them. If such a connection was even possible. Joining Aqua's morning training sessions seemed to be a step in the right direction, though.
"A doctor?" SLAM. "What do you need one of those for?" SLAM. "Ven get you too good for a Curaga to handle?" SLAM.
"No," Isa replied dryly. His sparring matches with Roxas were growing slightly less violent as the days went on. "Roxas and Xion have never gotten the vaccinations one would typically receive in childhood. I suspect the same may be the case for you."
It wasn't a lie. However, Isa had other suspicions about Vanitas's health. If Vanitas would see a medical professional, perhaps they could do something for his lingering weakness and fatigue.
Isa didn't want to say that outright and raise Vanitas's hopes. Isa's Organization XIII-funded studies at the University of Twilight Town had been in business, human resource management, and anthropology. None of those had given him much insight into health or medicine. Nobodies lacked the typical physiology that would have made such knowledge useful.
He hadn't been to a doctor in… well, since becoming human again, either. Even Lea was ahead of him there, since he went every few months to get new testosterone prescriptions. All of them likely needed a checkup to ensure the mold from their previous living arrangements hadn't caused any lasting damage, but Isa would focus on Vanitas first, as he was the one with the most obvious health impairment.
"You might be surprised." Vanitas finally finished dicing the onions, and Isa relaxed a little at the relative peace and quiet. "Ven and I are from here, technically. He kept our body. It's probably still got whatever shots he needed in it."
"Oh." Isa hadn't known that, though it explained why Roxas had been "born" in Twilight Town despite Sora having never visited the world at the time. He made a mental note to record that in Roxas's file. "In that case, there should be records that a health care provider can look up to verify. Do you… ah, do you know if…?"
"I don't know if I got any shots, if that's what you're asking." Vanitas stepped around him and shook the onion pieces out of the dicer and into a deep frying pan. They sizzled as they hit the olive oil, and once the ground ginger and garlic were sprinkled in, it smelled heavenly. "This body's been ripped out of Ven and died and un-died again. So."
He shrugged. Isa stifled a sigh. Of course nothing could be simple, with their backgrounds. Unfortunately, there was no one he could ask, unless he wanted to attempt to contact Even…
Isa did not want to contact Even. He could try Ienzo again, perhaps. Ienzo had been willing to help with Xion's replica form; he may know enough about human anatomy and physiology to determine if Vanitas needed vaccines.
"I will attempt to find out for you," Isa said, slowly working his way through the carrots. Vanitas had washed and peeled them earlier, but chopping them still proved more tedious than Isa had expected. Hopefully Vanitas didn't need to add them to the pottage too quickly.
"Cool. I'm not afraid of shots or anything, if that's what you're worried about." Vanitas stirred his wooden spoon absently through the aromatics, keeping them from burning against the bottom of the pan. "Might as well try to avoid getting sicker than I already am."
Isa agreed. Especially if Vanitas wanted to continue working in food preparation, preventing the spread of illness was essential.
He considered telling Vanitas the other reason behind his request, but closed his mouth instead. He would leave that evaluation up to the professionals.
That was Isa's true skill, after all: knowing how to delegate tasks to the most qualified.
XXX
"C'mon, it doesn't even hurt. Stop being wusses." Vanitas rolled his eyes at Lea and Xion as they sat outside the supermarket pharmacy's shot room.
Roxas was already in there with one of the pharmacists—he'd seen Vanitas go in by himself, and didn't want to look like a baby by asking Lea to go in with him. Isa had gotten his two shots first, and then left Lea alone to wrangle the kids while he went grocery shopping. The jerk.
"I'm not being a wuss." Lea crossed his arms. "I give myself shots all the time."
"Yeah?" Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Then you're letting Xion cop out because…?"
Xion sat stiffly in the plastic chair next to Lea, practically huddled against his side. He laid his arm along the back of her chair, hoping to provide some comfort without embarrassing her by actually hugging her in public.
Her eyes were watering. If she really started crying, Lea couldn't promise he wouldn't cave completely.
"I don't want to… needles," she mumbled, hiding her chin in the collar of her puffy purple vest.
She wasn't just making excuses. She hadn't even gotten her ears pierced, despite Lea telling her that clip-ons hurt worse.
"Needles suck less than germs," Vanitas told her bluntly.
Lea glared at him. Vanitas seemed good enough with Naminé—who he hadn't made come get shots, even though she was the most likely one to need them—so why couldn't he understand Lea's struggle with Xion?
Lea had put her through enough pain in the past. Maybe it was naive to think he could prevent her from going through anything else, but he at least wished he didn't have to be the cause of it.
Technically the pharmacist would be the cause of it, but still. Close enough.
"Vanitas?" One of the employees at the pharmacy counter called his name, and he jumped to go get his prescription.
Roxas had been nosy, so Vanitas had explained what it was after seeing the doctor earlier. Something for a heart problem Larxene's lightning had caused. The irony was so strong, Lea had almost choked on it.
Now he just got to choke on his own awkwardness as he sat here alone with Xion.
"Do I really have to get a shot, Axel?" She turned her big, wet, brown puppy eyes on him.
He winced. Was this what being a parent was like? He'd never signed up for this. Except he had, actually, and Isa was working on the documents to seal the deal.
Why couldn't he adopt them as like… a cool uncle, or a big brother, or something? Cool uncles and brothers didn't have to make anyone get shots.
"Roxas did it," Lea tried.
"He still hasn't come back," Xion pointed out, glancing nervously at the shot room's door.
"They had to make sure they didn't give him any he already got as a kid. Bet that's the only reason it's taking longer."
Though she was making him start to worry, too. What if the pharmacist somehow recognized Roxas from when he'd lived here as Ven? What if she noticed that he didn't look anything like Lea or his 'siblings'?
"Why couldn't the Organization have just made me a body that didn't need shots?" Xion asked so seriously, Lea couldn't tell if she was complaining or if she wanted a real answer.
"I dunno, Xion." He sighed.
"Maybe they did. Maybe I don't actually need shots?" she asked hopefully.
"I'm not betting on that."
Xion pouted, crossing her arms.
"But Naminé doesn't have to get shots…"
Lea couldn't help a snort. In that moment, Xion had never looked more like a regular kid.
She was just a kid. Kids got shots all the time. She'd be fine.
"Naminé's gonna have to come back and get shots with Aqua," Lea said, even though he didn't know that for sure. Had Aqua ever even gotten shots?
"Can I wait until then?"
Lea dropped his head in his hands, muffling something between a groan and a scream.
"Look, wouldn't you rather get it over with? We can get ice cream on the way home." It was basically the only bribe he could think of.
"We were going to get ice cream anyway."
Aaaand that was why the bribe wouldn't work. What was he going to do, tell her she couldn't have ice cream? It wasn't like he gave her an allowance. She'd earned her own munny fighting Heartless with Roxas and Kairi.
He wasn't her parent. Even if he ended up that way on paper, it didn't give him any real power.
"We can… uh…"
He trailed off as Roxas finally came out of the shot room, his jacket tied around his waist and bearing a sunset-colored bandaid beneath the cuff of each t-shirt sleeve.
"Roxas! You survived!" Xion beamed.
"Don't tell him I said this, but Vanitas was right," he whispered. "It wasn't that bad."
"I was right about what?" Vanitas grinned, plopping back down in one of the waiting chairs with his tiny prescription bag.
"Nothing, ever." Roxas crossed his arms, leaning them on top of Vanitas's head.
Vanitas swatted at his arms with the paper bag, and they dissolved into bickering. There went Lea's one hope of those two convincing Xion for him.
"Xion? Or Lea… Seascream?" The pharmacist held open the door of the shot room and squinted down at the clipboard with their paperwork.
They'd decided to adopt Xion's racer title as their surname, for convenience. It wasn't like Lea was attached to his piece-of-garbage dad's last name anyway.
"Who wants to go next?" The pharmacist called, locking eyes with them.
Xion froze, hand hovering up as if she was about to summon a dark corridor. She could still technically do that—they all could—even if she knew she wasn't supposed to.
Lea could do this. He could be a good role model.
…Well, it was probably too late for that. But he could be a less-horrible-than-before role model, at least.
He stood up and stretched, popping his shoulders.
"C'mon, Xion. This'll be a piece of cake."
"Are we… both going? At the same time?" she asked.
"Sure, why not? Save the doc lady the hassle of calling our names again."
"Oh. O-okay." She relaxed. "Thanks, Axel."
Just like that.
What was all that about? Did she think Lea wouldn't go with her if she'd asked?
"Seascream—? Oh, hello." The pharmacist smiled as they followed her into the tiny room. There were only three chairs, so it was probably for the best that Lea hadn't tried to take Roxas and Xion in at the same time. "Sorry for the wait. It's not often we get this many first-time vaccinations at once. It's always nice to get to help with them, though. Protecting ourselves and others from diseases is so important, even if a lot of people don't realize it."
Lea held in a laugh. Did she think they were from some anti-vaxxer commune, or something? That made more sense than the truth, so he'd roll with it.
He went first, just to show Xion for sure that it wasn't scary. He wasn't sure how well that plan worked, though, considering he only had to get a flu shot and catch up on one for meningitis that he'd missed while in the Organization.
Xion, on the other hand, needed to get eight shots.
Lea compromised. The pharmacist helped pick out the four she thought were most important for now. He dreaded when they inevitably had to come back and get the rest, but that was a problem for future Lea.
"I'm guessing this is your first time?" the pharmacist said, clearly trying to distract Xion as she wiped down her bicep with an alcohol swab.
Xion looked at Lea. Her look of fear wasn't that of someone going in blind.
Just what had Xemnas—or the other members working under him—done to her?
…He should've asked Isa. Isa would know. That was probably why he wasn't here right now.
"It's been a while," Lea said. One of his signature half-truths. "But I'm not going anywhere this time, okay, Xion? So it's gonna be fine."
She gave him a weak smile. He squeezed her hand—the one not attached to the arm the pharmacist was sticking a needle in.
The smile turned into a grimace when the needle pierced her skin, but the pharmacist was good. In and out as quick as Lea could blink.
Xion's face looked completely blank. Lea couldn't tell if she'd even felt it. The blankness was its own kind of scary, but at least he didn't have to wrangle her through any screaming or crying or keyblade-summoning.
Four bandaids—two on each arm—later, some of the color returned to Xion's face. She gave Lea a wan smile.
"I knew you could do it," he told her.
"This isn't the hard part," Xion murmured under her breath, rubbing her palms over the bandaids.
Lea didn't know what to make of that. Like most things, he put off worrying about it until later.
"Here's when Roxas and Xion should come back for the second doses of a few of their shots," the pharmacist said, handing Lea a business card with a date four weeks out.
"We have to come back?" Xion gaped.
The pharmacist gave Lea a sympathetic look. He'd already known Xion still needed four more shots, so it wasn't exactly a surprise for him, at least. The hard part would be breaking the news that Xion probably had to come back again after that.
"I can always knock you out and make 'em do it while you're unconscious," Lea joked morbidly, but only once they'd left the room and were out of the pharmacist's earshot.
"Could you?" Xion's voice was strangely hopeful.
"Wh—no!" he said too loudly, startling an old lady who was innocently trying to grab some vitamins from the shelf next to them. "I was joking. That was a joke."
A bad joke. Curse him for coping through humor.
"Why not? Then I wouldn't have to know it happened until it was over."
"I thought you said the shot itself wasn't the hard part, anyway," Lea argued.
He was dragging his feet, but Roxas and Vanitas weren't far away. There wasn't much time before they'd be overheard (by someone other than old ladies buying vitamins).
"It isn't. Wasn't. But I don't think the pharmacist injected me with anything that will make me hurt Roxas."
Lea almost missed a step. Xion was always doing that—casually pulling the floor out from under his feet. Reminding him just how messed up their days in the Organization were. Unlike Roxas, she still didn't have much to compare those days to, to recognize that they weren't normal.
"And if they did somehow, you'll be here to stop me. So it's alright." Xion nodded, as if that settled things, and didn't raise a hundred more concerns.
Lea pulled her aside, behind the vitamin aisle. Not the most ideal spot for an important conversation, but hopefully Roxas was still too busy bantering with Vanitas and wouldn't notice them taking a moment longer.
"Xion." Lea looked left and right, making sure no one else was around to eavesdrop. The old lady was gone by now. "You know I'm not gonna fight you again. Right?"
She looked up at him, brows scrunching. Flames, she was still so tiny. How had they put the burden of regaining their hearts on her back?
"You will if you have to," she said. Like it was a fact, and not an accusation.
"No, Xion. I won't," he promised. "Not again. Never again."
"But… if the Organization changes me again, or…"
"Worst case scenario, I'll make Kairi do it," he meant it to come out lightly, but for once, he sounded nothing but serious.
Unfortunately, he was serious. Kairi had been close to beating the Nort out of Xion the first time. She could handle it again, even if Axel would feel horrible asking that of her.
"But you promised." Xion looked hurt. "You said you'd always be there to bring me back."
He winced. He was fully aware of what he'd said.
He was also fully aware of how messed up it was.
How could she still want him to bring her back? He was the reason she'd been forced to fight Roxas. If he'd let her go, if he hadn't been so stubborn, fighting tooth and nail against fate…
Well. Maybe she'd be a little less afraid of needles.
"I… think that was more of a threat than a promise, Xion." He ruffled the back of his hair. "Look, it doesn't matter. I'm not gonna let Xemnas or anyone else screw you up again. Got it memorized?"
The use of his signature phrase put a tiny smile back on her face.
"Yeah." She nodded. "I trust you, Axel."
She shouldn't, really. He still hadn't earned it. There were still plenty of things about him that she didn't know.
But those secrets, like too many other things, were a problem for future Lea.
…Future Lea was in for a hell of a time, wasn't he. Ugh. He could put in a little effort now, at least. He was starting to sound like Demyx.
"That's great, I'm glad, uh, but. Just so you know." He cleared his throat. "You don't have to. About everything. I mean, I'm glad you took my word that the shots weren't gonna be bad, but like, if you do have someone… trying to, uh…"
Geez, what was he trying to say? Don't let people perform unethical experiments on you? Like she'd had a choice.
"If someone tries to mess with you, like—with needles, or without needles, or… whatever." He sighed. "It's okay to fight back. That's all I'm saying."
Xion's brow furrowed.
"I know how to fight, Axel."
"Yeah, but—you're allowed to fight, I mean."
"You just said you weren't going to fight me…" She frowned.
He was so bad at this. So so so bad at this.
"Nevermind. We'll talk about bodily autonomy and consent another time." He shook his head. "Let's go grab Roxas and the others and get some ice cream."
XXX
Roxas's pencil hovered over his diary. His back was hunched protectively as he sat on his bed, as if anyone would come in and try to read it over his shoulder.
They wouldn't. The mansion was huge, and he had his own room, and almost everyone—even Aqua—knew to knock before barging in. He didn't know why he still felt the urge to hide it.
Maybe it was the tears pricking his eyes that he was actually trying to hide. They dripped down on the last four entries, which were short enough to fit on the same page.
Day 353: Broken Trust
Axel let Xion leave the Organization. Like he wanted her to go.
She's a puppet? A mirror that reflects me? He's talking nonsense. I can't trust him anymore.
Day 354: Who Am I?
I don't understand the Organization. I don't understand Axel... I understand myself least of all. Why do I keep coming back to the castle?
Me and Xion are special, connected by "Sora." If she's a puppet, maybe I am, too.
I don't know what I am.
Day 355: I Am
I have to know who I am...
I am DONE WITH THIS!
Day 357: Three Again?
I'm going to set Kingdom Hearts free and find my way to Sora. I'm going to get Xion back. The three of us will have ice cream together again—I know it.
They'd done it. They'd gotten Xion back. They'd eaten ice cream together again, nearly every day since, including today after going to the doctor and the pharmacy.
So why did he still feel so…
He didn't know how he felt. That was what writing in his diary was for—to help him figure it out.
As much as he disliked Riku, he was grateful the other boy had remembered where in the mansion DiZ had left Roxas's old belongings. He hoped Riku hadn't read his diary back then. But if he had… and he'd still decided Roxas didn't deserve to live…
He leaned his head back against the wall. Aqua had painted it sea-salt blue for him. He squeezed his eyes shut, to avoid seeing the color or anything else.
It had been easy to latch back onto Axel, after Aqua had been so annoying. But the diary reminded him just how much Axel had hurt him, too. And Xion didn't seem to care… but then, she never had. She was always so quick to forgive and move on, like nothing had ever happened.
Why couldn't Roxas be like that? Why couldn't he just enjoy the time he had with his friends now?
He couldn't help flipping back through other entries. Other markers of just how messed up they'd always been.
Day 300. For the first time in a while, the three of us met up on the clock tower. None of us really knew what to say.
Day 298. I don't believe it. Axel attacked Xion. There had to have been some other way. I know she's acting weird, but I hardly recognize Axel these days either. What's going through their heads? I feel so left out.
Day 277. I've looked everywhere for Xion, in every world, but there's just no sign of her. Where is she? Why did she leave the Organization? I don't get it, any of it.
Day 257. I want to talk to Axel about Xion, but I can't seem to get ten seconds with the guy. What am I supposed to do? I can't believe he's avoiding me. We're supposed to be friends.
Roxas had more answers now that he did then. More context, more pieces to fill in the gaps. Even the elusive "Sora" wasn't a mystery to him anymore.
So why did he still feel so…
He flipped back to a fresh page—not the one opposite his old entries, but a page past that. Then he double-checked the calendar, and double-checked the calculator on his gummiphone, and finally wrote down a number on the page.
Day 539: Why Do I Feel Like This?
It's been a long time. I guess I should catch up, but… what can I say? I'm not sure there's enough pages left in here to write it all. I guess I shouldn't have skipped the last page, but it was hard to look at it without crying.
I know what crying is now. I know lots of stuff. I know why I had all those pictures in my head, and who Sora is, and—who I am? Maybe?
I was Ventus, before I was Roxas. I got stuck inside Sora's heart when he was little, somehow, and when he became a Heartless, I came back out as his Nobody.
Xion was supposed to be a replica of him so the Organization could have another Keyblade wielder. I don't know why that was so important. Was I not good enough for them, either?
I guess it doesn't matter, 'cause none of us are in the Organization now. Me and Xion and Axel—and you'll never believe it, but even Saix is here now! He doesn't like to be called Saix anymore, but since this is a private diary, I can call him whatever I want.
I guess I should be nice, though. He doesn't suck so bad now. He's trying to be extra nice to me and Xion to make up for being a huge jerk. And also probably since he wants us to like him since he's in love with Axel or whatever. It's super weird.
Oh yeah, I kind of figured out what love is, too! I say "kind of" because I don't think anyone REALLY knows. But I like Kairi, and she's my girlfriend now, which is also kind of weird but also really cool? I never thought I would have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. I mean, I barely thought I even had friends, for a while…
Ugh. I was actually feeling better for a minute. That happens a lot—I feel better, and then worse again, even when nothing bad happens. I don't know why. The pharmacist said I might feel kind of sore after the shots I got today, but I don't think that's it.
His hand definitely felt sore, after writing that much. None of his journal entries had ever been that long—not that he'd had a lot of free time to spend writing them. Most of them had been scribbled out in the couple of minutes between brushing his teeth and passing out for the night.
He tapped his pencil against his knee, trying to decide if it was worth writing anything else, when someone opened his door.
He slammed his diary shut and wiped his eyes. So much for people remembering to knock.
"Whoops wrong room," Xion announced her presence while stumbling towards his bed. "Can I take a nap 'n here thanks."
"Xion!" He leapt up, just managing to catch her before she toppled face-first onto his rug. His journal that had been on his lap toppled to the ground instead. "Are you okay? What happened?"
"'M fine. Shots happened. Bad bad evil shots…"
She let him drag her onto the bed. He propped her head up on a pillow. She didn't look like she was dying, but what did he really know? What if her replica body couldn't withstand shots the way a naturally-born person's could?
Her eyes closed. She still looked like she was breathing fine, at least. He couldn't say the same for himself.
"I—should I get Axel?" he asked, since he had no idea what else to do.
"Axel saidddd I can fight people. If they make me get shots," she mumbled. "Said he won't fight me though. Coward."
"You don't need to be fighting anyone if you're sick?"
"Shoulda fought them… 'fore I got sick…" she groaned. "But I'm fiiiiiiine Roxas don't worry I'm not dying. Probably."
Well that was reassuring.
"I'm going to get Axel," he decided.
He really didn't want to leave her there by herself, but what else could he do?
He could give her a hi-potion, which he did before running out of the room.
Axel's room wasn't far. Roxas, Axel, and Xion had all picked rooms in the same wing of the mansion. Axel wasn't there, though. Where would he be this late in the evening?
Throwing darts with Saix in the basement, apparently.
And he'd told his diary that Saix didn't suck so bad now. Ha. Ha.
"Oh hey Roxas what's—"
Roxas shoved past Axel.
Then he landed a punch to Saix's jaw, a knee to his groin, and a snapping kick to his solar plexus.
"Roxas!" Axel shouted, a dart gripped tight in his hand.
Would he throw it at Roxas? Xion had said Axel wouldn't fight her, but he hadn't made Roxas the same promise.
Whatever. Axel knew Roxas could beat him in a fight. He'd done it before.
"Nngh—what… did I do this time…" Saix groaned from the floor.
"Roxas! What's gotten into you, man!" Axel demanded, but Roxas ignored him.
"Xion's hurt. And it's your fault." Roxas loomed over Saix, glaring down at him with every bit of hate his heart could muster. "So fix her."
"Is… this about… the shots…?"
"Are you stupid?" Roxas's fists clenched. "Yes it's about the shots! You made her get them, so help her before—"
Before what? Roxas didn't know. But if Xion fell asleep again, and didn't wake up…
Axel stepped in front of Saix, holding out his arm.
"Roxas, I was the one who made Xion get her shots," he said.
"But it was Saix's idea—"
"Isa," Axel corrected. "Yeah, because he's smarter than the rest of us and actually thinks about stuff like preventing deadly diseases. Trust me, whatever Xion's feeling right now, it's nowhere near as bad as catching chicken pox."
"I don't care!" he shouted. "Xion could be dying, and you're busy sucking Saix's—"
"Ventus," Axel snapped.
He wouldn't be using that dart now, because it had turned to ash in his grip. Flakes of it fluttered down on Saix's chest, staining his white sleep shirt.
"You can't go beating up on Isa just because you don't like him. Unless you want to look like Aqua."
Roxas staggered back, gritting his teeth.
"What are you—this is nothing like Aqua attacking you! Saix got Xion hurt—"
"Xion got four shots! Of course it's gonna hurt a little!" Axel threw his arms in the air.
"—and don't call me Ventus!"
"Stop deadnaming Isa and I won't!"
"GAHHH!"
Roxas charged at Axel. He didn't know what he was doing, or why he was doing it.
But all those stupid, complicated feelings had to go somewhere. At that moment, Roxas was slamming them into Axel's ribs.
"Nngh—what is this, a temper tantrum?" Axel grappled Roxas's hands, forcing his fists above his head. "I thought you were worried about Xion!"
"I am worried about Xion, unlike you!" he snarled.
He wasn't prepared for the look of hurt that flashed across Axel's face.
"You still don't get it, do you?" Axel hissed. "You've never been able to see the bigger picture. Things can't always be rainbows and ice cream! Sometimes you've gotta deal with a little hurt now to stop a lot of hurt later!"
"There won't be a later if these shots mess Xion up!"
"I told you, that's normal!"
"If it's so normal, then why do I feel fine, huh? Do you feel fine?"
"I'm probably gonna pass out by nine p.m., and I bet you will too. It probably just hit her harder and faster, because again, she had to get twice as many shots."
"Because you and Saix made her!"
This time it was Axel's turn to growl at how they were arguing in circles.
Circles and circles and circles. Did every one of Roxas's friendships have to end up this way? Couldn't something be different, for once?
They shouted some more. All the words and emotions blended together at that point. Roxas took a few more swings and kicks, but eventually wore himself out. His arms were killing him. Maybe Axel had had a point about the shots taking a toll after all… not that he'd admit it now.
"You… had enough?" Axel huffed, even though he'd never fought back. The most he'd done was pin Roxas's arms out of the way.
He didn't know. Enough sense was creeping back into him for him to feel guilty. If not for blaming Axel, then at least for leaving Xion alone for so long.
"Yeah, whatever," he grumbled, arms dropping back to his sides. "Let's just—wait, where's Saix?"
He wasn't on the floor anymore. It was just Roxas and Axel in the basement room, unless you counted… the drawing of Xemnas tacked to the dartboard?
Huh?
"Isa." Exasperation soaked Axel's voice before he realized what Roxas was saying. "Wh—he's gone?"
He'd probably run away before Roxas could get smart and start attacking him again instead of Axel.
"Forget it. I need to get back to Xion," Roxas said. "Are you coming with me or not?"
"'Course I am. You can't get rid of me that easy." Axel smirked.
Roxas blinked. He'd been ready to argue again, but even if Axel had said no, now wasn't the time.
They climbed up the multiple flights of stairs back to Roxas's room. Xion was still there.
And so was Saix.
"What are you doing here?" Roxas demanded.
Saix didn't answer. He dipped his head slightly, gave Axel an apologetic look, and left the room. The door closed with a quiet click behind him.
"Isa heated up some soup for me," Xion explained as Roxas rushed to her side, taking the spot where Saix had been standing.
She was sitting up in bed, so that was an improvement. A bottle of pills and a glass of water sat on Roxas's nightstand beside her, along with the now-empty hi-potion bottle. She held out her bowl, showing Roxas the thick orange pottage inside. Even though he saw it, he didn't quite believe it.
"He… what?" Roxas gaped.
"I guess it's more like stew? Whatever he and Vanitas made for dinner yesterday. It's good." She blew steam off of it and ate a few spoonfuls.
Roxas knew what it was. He didn't know why Saix had bothered.
"Stupid housewife material," Axel muttered under his breath.
Roxas gagged. Xion giggled.
"What's wrong with you?" he burst, unsure which of them he was asking. Probably both.
"I told you. Shots," Xion said, wiggling her bare shoulders. She was wearing a pajama tank top with a picture of a cupcake on it.
"No, I mean—how can you not hate him after everything he did to you?" he asked Xion before turning to Axel. "And how can you think—that—about him when he literally tried to make me and Xion kill each other?"
Axel winced. Roxas saw his mouth open and close, but for once, he seemed out of excuses to give.
"He's not working for Xemnas anymore," Xion said, as if that absolved Saix of every crime.
"I don't care who he was working for. Technically we were working for Xemnas too." Roxas crossed his arms, hiding a grimace when they ached again.
"He said he was sorry." Xion shrugged.
"He… huh?"
"He said he's sorry. And that I can still hate him, and he wouldn't blame me. Did he not tell you the same thing?"
"No." Roxas shook his head, scowling.
"You haven't exactly been alone in the same room as him," Axel pointed out. "Closest you've come is him letting you kick his butt out in the courtyard every morning."
"He didn't let me," Roxas protested, because he'd won those sparring matches fair and square. He didn't need Saix going easy on him. "I can't believe you're still taking his side."
"I'm not trying to take a side." Axel raised his hands innocently. "I'm just stating facts. And right now, the facts say Isa took pretty good care of Xion. Right?"
"I do feel a lot better after taking the medicine he got me," she said. "Sorry for scaring you, Roxas."
Roxas's shoulders slumped. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? For Xion to be okay?
So why was he still so mad?
"Don't worry about it," he mumbled.
For a moment, there was nothing but awkward silence, and a little bit of chewing as Xion ate the rice in the soup. It was probably weird to stand around and watch Xion eat. But she was sitting in his bed. Where else was he supposed to go? He could go see if Kairi was back from visiting Queen Minnie yet, but he wasn't counting on it.
Plus, Axel was still hovering in his room, too.
"Uh. I guess I should say sorry too, huh." Axel ruffled the back of his hair. "If Isa can say it, it's the least I can do. I… know I haven't always done right by you two. Not usually for lack of trying, but… yeah."
He sighed.
Roxas just stared. It wasn't like Axel never apologized—but he usually pretended everything was fine, if he could. It was kind of hard to apologize for problems you were pretending didn't exist, or were hoping that Roxas didn't remember.
But he was doing it now.
"I know, Axel." Xion smiled at him. "It's okay."
She said it so easily. Roxas didn't think she was lying, but he didn't get it, either.
He loved her. He loved Axel.
Why wasn't it that easy to forgive them?
"It's really not," Axel said ruefully. "But I'm trying to do better. Isa is, too. He doesn't expect anything from you guys, but I… I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to hate me. Uh, didn't want you not to hate me…? Ugh, double negatives are stupid. I just want us to be friends."
"Not just friends, right?" Xion frowned. "We're best friends."
Axel looked between the two of them, an unreadable expression on his face.
"You'll always be my best friends. But I get it if I need to work back up to that, for you guys. Or even if… I can't. I mean, it's not like your options for friendship are as limited as they were back in the Organization. Maybe you want another best friend who's your own age, or something."
Axel shrugged, but it was obvious he was just putting on a brave face.
"Axel, stop." Roxas shook his head. "I don't hate you."
Why did Axel look so shocked? Had their fight earlier gotten to him that bad? It felt like Roxas was always fighting with his friends, but that didn't mean he'd rather have them out of his life.
"Stuff's just—complicated, right?" Roxas said. "You told me all about it before, Axel. We're not Nobodies anymore. So we're all a double dose of complicated."
"Single dose. Only girls are a double dose of complicated," Axel corrected on instinct. "Uh. No offense, Xion."
She laughed at that. Roxas still didn't get it.
"Whatever. I'm just trying to say… I don't know how I feel, anymore. If I ever did. I'm too complicated. But… I do know I still want to be friends."
He looked up at the two of them. Xion, spilling carrot soup in his bed, her wet eyes shining brown instead of reflecting blue. Axel, the tears running down his cheeks a ghost of the tattoos that used to be there.
Roxas was the only one who didn't look different from before. That felt wrong, considering he was arguably the most different of them all.
Maybe he should get a tattoo.
XXX
"I can't believe Roxas actually wants a tattoo." Xion stuck out her tongue while lying on her back, her head dangling off of Naminé's bed. "Does he know how many needles that takes?"
"I don't." Naminé cocked her head. "Is it a lot?"
"It's a lot. Well, it's just one, but a lot of times. Axel said so. He said the ones on his face hurt forever after and they itched a lot and he kept scratching them and crying. And Isa said he was stupid for putting sharp things on his face when he didn't even have to."
It had come up when she'd asked why he didn't have the upside-down tears below his eyes anymore. The story had been both fascinating and horrifying. Mostly horrifying.
That was the first time she'd realized that Axel could be stupid.
She'd realized it a lot more times, since then.
That was okay, though. Most of her friends—old ones and new ones—could be kind of stupid. Like how Kairi thought Roxas's butt was cute. And Sora thought chocolate ice cream tasted better than sea-salt. And Vanitas thought he could beat Xion at Mario Kart even though she'd lived inside a racing game for months.
And Roxas thought getting needles on his skin would be fun and cool.
"Couldn't Master Aqua use color magic to give him a tattoo?" Naminé asked.
She sat on the floor, her back against the side of her bed. Xion could see her pen flying across her sketchbook if she craned her neck back far enough.
"Huh. I don't know, maybe. Roxas would probably rather have the needles, though."
Xion didn't really know what Roxas's problem with Aqua was, even though he grumbled about her almost all the time. Aqua seemed fine to Xion. She was always happy to help Xion with magic or correct her stances. No one had ever given Xion so much useful advice on how to use the keyblade before. Usually she just got thrown into battle and had to hope for the best.
"Oh. That's… okay?" Naminé sounded confused, but that was normal. Like Xion, she barely had any life experience.
"Wait, you're going to be training with Aqua, right?" Xion rolled onto her stomach.
She could see Naminé, and the sketchbook, better from this angle. Naminé had come up with a few rough ink sketches for Roxas's tattoo already. He didn't really know what he wanted, so Xion had helped him and Naminé brainstorm ideas. So far Naminé had doodled Oathkeeper and Oblivion, two crossed bars of sea-salt ice cream, and the X-like sigil that had been the zipper pull of his old clothes.
"Hopefully," Naminé said. "If I don't mess up the seven weeks of Purification and Contemplation…"
"You won't," Xion said.
Naminé had already started training with them in the mornings, using a stick for keyblade drills and taking notes on magic spells in her sketchbook. She looked like the perfect student. Aqua would have to be stupid not to take her.
"We'll see." Naminé's face turned a little pink. "Why do you ask?"
"Well, you could do the color magic for Roxas then, right?"
"How does that fix anything?"
Xion blinked down at her. Maybe Naminé was a little stupid, too.
"Roxas and Aqua don't get along that well. But Roxas doesn't mind you."
Roxas was Kairi's girlfriend, and Naminé still seemed kind of scared of Kairi, but Xion knew Roxas was grateful for Naminé telling him the truth when no one else had.
"But… I'd probably mess it up…" Naminé bit her lip, scribbling out the heart design she'd been working on.
"I doubt it. You're the best artist out of all of us."
"Couldn't you do it?" Naminé asked. "You can use a keyblade. Master Aqua could teach you the magic."
Xion frowned.
"I guess I could try… I didn't even think about that. Thanks, Naminé."
Maybe Xion was a little stupid, too. But that was what friends were for, she'd decided—to be stupid in different ways from you, so you could all be a little less stupid together.
"I didn't do anything," Naminé said quietly.
It was kind of funny that they'd both been respawned from the journal's wish to thank Naminé. Naminé was really bad at accepting credit for anything.
"You're doing the hard part. I don't know how to draw," Xion said. "Hey, what's that one?"
"Huh? Oh, it's… I don't know if Roxas will want it, but… I felt like I needed to give him the option."
It was a star-shaped design, with the emblem that Aqua wore as a hair pin at its center. Each of the star's five tips flared out into three curved points, almost like flower petals. Or like thalassa shells.
"It looks almost like the good luck charm Kairi gave Sora," Xion said.
Naminé grimaced.
"I… yes, it does… but this is a charm Master Aqua once gave Ven—Roxas. It's called a Wayfinder."
Oh. Roxas had never told Xion about that. She wondered if he still had it.
"It looks beautiful. All your designs do," Xion told her, then had a horrible realization. "I hope Roxas doesn't decide to get all of them."
It wouldn't surprise her if he did. He could be really bad at making decisions sometimes.
Naminé gave a little laugh.
"I'm sure he won't. He wouldn't make you paint that much for him."
"Which means he might go back to getting someone else to do it for him. With needles." Xion shuddered.
"Do you want me not to show him all of the options, then?" Naminé asked.
Xion sighed.
"No, it's his choice. He can be stupid if he wants to. I'm not going to watch him get stabbed a bunch of times, though."
Naminé nodded, then went back to drawing.
Xion played a rhythm game on her phone in the meantime. Naminé was getting close to passing her score for this month's event. Plus, the upbeat noise was nice. Naminé seemed to forget that she could put on music or something and didn't have to sit in her room in silence all the time.
Maybe Xion should've turned her volume down a little, though, because she almost missed the soft knock on Naminé's door.
"Expecting someone?" Xion asked as she tapped out the last few notes of Tondemo-Wonderz.
Dang. She hadn't noticed, but her score said she'd missed one. She'd have to try harder next time.
"I wasn't, but… Come in?" Naminé's brow furrowed.
Hesitantly, Riku opened the door.
"Oh—you're busy," he said when he saw Xion flopped on the bed.
"We're just hanging out," Xion told him. "Do you need some privacy?"
Riku blushed at that, for some reason.
"No, I, uh… I wanted Naminé to be the first, but I guess you should know, too."
"Know what?" Naminé asked, standing up.
In response, Riku held out his hand.
"It's still a little finicky, but…"
With a wince and a crackle of light, a keyblade dropped into Riku's palm.
Xion gasped. The blade was a dark purple, with a lattice of glowing cracks spiraling up its shaft. The teeth looked like a breaking wave encircling a sunset—or maybe a sunrise. Curved paopu branches formed the handguard, which was connected by a silver chain to a star-shaped charm. Each of the seashells that made up the star had been roughly carved from purple stone.
"You did it, Riku!" Naminé beamed, hugging her sketchbook to her chest. "I knew you could!"
"That makes one of us." Riku smiled back softly. "Thank you for believing in me, Naminé."
Xion felt like she was intruding on their moment. She wished she could go back to playing her game while they stared at each other all sappily, but she didn't have headphones, and drawing attention to herself with the noise would defeat the purpose.
"And, uh. Thanks, Xion," Riku said, peering at her over Naminé's head.
"Me?" Xion frowned. "What for?"
"For giving me the opportunity to forge something better. And for showing me how it felt, in the meantime, so I could understand… what I did to you. I'm sorry."
Three whole apologies in one week. Isa, Axel, and Riku. Naminé and Sora had already apologized more times than Xion could count. Xion was so full of apologies, she felt like she could overflow.
She didn't know what to do with them. It seemed everyone still felt bad regardless of how she reacted. Maybe some of them deserved it, but it didn't make her feel any better.
Especially considering this time, she should've been the one apologizing.
"It's okay," she told him, even though it wasn't.
At least he didn't keep saying it over and over, or arguing with her about it. He forced a smile, and she forced one back, and that was that.
"I'd better go show Sora and Kairi." Riku slung his new keyblade over his shoulder, but didn't dismiss it. Xion understood the feeling. "Honestly, I'm kind of worried Kairi'll make fun of it…"
"She shouldn't. It's perfect," Naminé told him.
"It was originally meant for her," Riku admitted sheepishly. "You know, when we were working on the keychains with Aqua… This isn't the exact same one—Aqua helped me since then, since the first version I made wasn't good enough to work, but still…"
Naminé and Riku worked on keychains with Aqua? Why hadn't they invited her? Did they keep thinking that because she was Roxas's friend, she couldn't hang out with them, too?
Xion would love a new keychain. Roxas had found his old panels along with his journal, and he'd given Xion a Mystery Gear for her keyblade. Changing it from Kingdom Key into Aubade went a long way to making it feel more like her own—like she wasn't just a redundant copy—but it would still be nice to make a keychain that was truly and only hers.
"It fits you," Xion told him, stowing away her jealousy. "What's it called?"
"...Dawnbreaker," he said quietly, as if embarrassed to admit it.
Xion didn't know why. It was an awesome name.
"Awesome," she said.
She half wanted to ask him to spar her with it, but—well, that might be too soon. She didn't want him to worry about her breaking this keyblade, too.
Xion wished Aqua would hurry up and give Naminé her keyblade. Then they could spar and practice magic together, and hopefully Naminé wouldn't be weird about it, like some of her other friends were. Like they were afraid of breaking her again.
Well, maybe Riku's new keyblade would prove something to them. Nothing was ever so broken that it couldn't be put back together.
And in the meantime, Xion would keep building and rebuilding her friendships, piece by piece.
XXX
The Louisiana air was thick and muggy. Even though it wasn't too hot out this evening, Xigbar's eyepatch was practically glued to his face with sweat.
(Condensation, technically. Nobodies didn't perspire, but Xigbar wasn't gonna sweat the semantics.)
The stickiness almost made him regret dressing up all fancy tonight—but not quite.
Him dressing up meant Xemnas dressed up too. And if Xemnas looked fine in unwashed sweatpants and plain t-shirts, he looked like some kind of royalty in his stolen suit and blood-red tie. His silver hair cascaded down his back, earning him the appraising stares of men and women alike while they strolled down towards the docks.
"You like jazz?" Xigbar asked as Xemnas hummed along to a street band's tune.
Xemnas, humming. A few weeks ago, Xigbar had thought he'd never hear that sweet sound again. But since they'd found this little world to shack up in, Xemnas's mood had been slowly turning around. Maybe all he'd needed was to get away from Ansem for a while.
(Longer than a while. Xemnas had felt Ansem kick the bucket shortly after they'd flown the coop. They'd made the right bet, not that Xigbar'd had any doubts.)
"It is… lively," Xemnas replied in true Xemnas fashion: avoiding giving Xigbar a straight answer.
But he got the jist. It was nice, having peaceful nights like this.
Remembering that despite everything, they were alive.
Xigbar grinned, snagging Xemnas's hand and pulling him closer to the band. The music swelled, all brassy horns and banging drums, a substitute heartbeat that thrummed in his bones.
"Then c'mon, babe. Let's live a little."
Xemnas's eyes widened a fraction; he stumbled to follow Xigbar's off-beat lead. Wasn't like a guy who usually floated two inches off the ground would have any need for fancy footwork, but he was considerate enough to lower himself for Xigbar. They were trying to keep a low profile here.
Low as you could get while living the high life in a dead couple's old plantation home, anyway.
"So this is living, hmm?" Xemnas's lips quirked a little.
Cicadas buzzed in the distance, a background hum to the blaring band. Xemnas's hand was almost warm in his. The air smelled salt and sugar, from the sea and the sweat and the sweets of the restaurant they were headed towards.
"Close enough." Xigbar gave an exaggerated wink.
Xigbar felt as if he were floating as he pulled Xemnas along. He did enough dancing for the both of them; Xemnas's movements were more of a steady sway. The drummer called for him to pick it up a notch, and Xigbar laughed.
"I'm not here to be part of the show," Xemnas murmured to him.
"You don't dance for free, heh?" Xigbar joked, but Xemnas didn't grace him with a witty reply. A shop across the street had caught his eye.
"Would something from there be enough to pay ya?" Xigbar asked, following his line of sight to the jewelry twinkling like stars on the other side of the window.
"Perhaps," Xemnas played along, a similar twinkle in his eye.
Xigbar flipped a few coins into the trombone player's hat, then swept Xemnas across the street, skirting around the crowd and the trolley that parted them.
They had plenty of fancy jewelry back at the manor, courtesy of the rich folks Xigbar had deep-sixed. But there was something special about picking out something brand new, he guessed.
At least, he hoped Xemnas would think so. While he was perusing a glass display of topaz and gold, Xigbar whispered a request to the woman behind the counter.
Green bills were exchanged for a small cloth pouch holding Xigbar's prize. The real prize, though, would be the look on Xemnas's face when he opened it.
"Someone looks pleased with himself." Xemnas raised an eyebrow, peering over Xigbar's shoulder. "What did you find? A diamond-studded eyepatch?"
"As if. You know I like the classic look." Xigbar grinned. "Why don't you see for yourself?"
They stepped out of the shop into the (relatively) cooler air, and Xigbar tossed him the pouch.
Xemnas extracted the jewels from the black velvet. Then he stopped.
"Oh," he breathed.
In his palm were two pearlescent moonstone earrings—cut into the shape of hearts.
"I won't blame ya if you think they're tacky," Xigbar said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Just thought they'd bring back some memories. Hopefully decent ones."
Even though the end had been a bust, Xemnas had always been enthralled by his Kingdom Hearts. Xigbar couldn't count the number of nights that year that he'd found Xemnas up on the Altar of Naught, just staring at it, as if convincing himself it was real.
"They are… magnificent," Xemnas finally replied, and Xigbar relaxed a little. "Are they…?"
"For you? 'Course they are. You got any idea how bad they'd clash with my skin tone?"
Xemnas chuckled, shaking his head.
"You are truly something else, Xigbar." He fiddled with the wire hook on the back of one earring before looking up at Xigbar with an inscrutable expression. "Would you do the honors?"
The…? Oh. Xemnas wanted him to—right.
He took the earrings, stealing Xemnas away into the narrow gap between the jewelry shop and the bakery next door.
Xemnas's body had come with the ears already pierced, courtesy of Terra, though it had looked like he hadn't worn any in a long time. Braig had convinced him to try on a few back in their Somebody days, though, and Xemnas used to keep a pair of diamond studs for special occasions. Those had gotten left behind when they'd had to desert the old Castle, though.
It wasn't difficult to thread the needle through Xemnas's earlobe. That didn't stop Xigbar from taking his sweet time with it.
He should've been used to this by now. He initiated most of their understated affection, but that didn't mean it wasn't reciprocated. Six bedrooms in their stolen manor, and Xemnas still chose to sleep next to Xigbar more nights than not. They shared light touches while stirring grits for breakfast (burning them, in Xemnas's case), and while sharing wine in the garden Xemnas maintained, and while plinking out half-remembered melodies on their grand piano.
Any one of those touches could've alerted Xehanort. Every one of them was a subtle rebellion, a smoke signal that something else was more important than his grandiose plans.
With every passing day Xehanort's all-seeing eye passed them over, they grew a little bolder.
So Xigbar crowned Xemnas's other ear with the second earring, and sealed it with a kiss.