8. CAST OFF
1 week…
2 weeks…
3 weeks…
… and 2 days.
That's the time it lasted.
During those 23 days, Ranma's body made a good provision of magnesium and zinc, two elements that indeed were known for having a positive effect on memory, on retention of information. Coupled with a large collection of gingko, a substance beneficial in several ways, including "maintenance" of memory, this treatment was clearly adapted to the poor boy's case.
The specialist, at the hospital, had done his job professionally.
And yet, on the morning of the 24th day*…
*24 is not a random number here : the total of 2+4 gives 6, a digit that is traditionally linked to the devil… a way like another to imply that Ranma's condition is like a diabolical curse.
"FUCK ALL THAT !" bellowed the angry victim, as he violently swept away the 3 bottles of pills, in a circular arm motion.
The bottles rolled around the living room as all those present stared wide-eyed at the pigtailed teenager.
"Son, that's not the way a martial artist expresses himself !" scolded Genma.
His offspring stared incredulously at him.
"I'm losing my mind, losing my memo… memo… memorandum, and you come around complaining about a single swearword !? Don't you think that's kinda secondary… uh… Father ?! That there's much more important to worry about right now ?!"
"Right, but losing your balance won't be of any help anyway, Son."
"How could I not lose my balance, given what's happening to me, uh ? HOW COULD I NOT ?!"
"Please, dear Ranma, don't scream…please…" Kasumi almost shyly begged him. "I know how bad you feel, but –"
"How. Could. You. Know ?" he retorted through gritted teeth, fists clenched on the table.
Noticing his mad stare, she didn't dare to reply, licking her lips out of uneasiness.
"Ranma, Kasumi was just trying to hel-"
"I know what… what Kasumi was trying to do, Akiko, but it's no u-… what ? What did I say again ?"
Her eyes had opened up when she had heard his mistake, realizing that she might be gradually becoming a stranger to him : first, the name, then, one day, the whole identity, summed up by those 3 terrible words : Who are you ?
"It's… uh… nevermind…" she whispered, feeling despair's shadow not so far behind.
"Come on, what did I say wrung ? Your name, probably… no ?"
Not only names could come out erroneous now : simple words as well…
"Ranma, it's not that important anyway !" Although it meant something to her. "What matters now is what we will do, since that treatment isn't efficient on you. We have to consider other options."
He made a small movement, as if intending to back away from her.
"If you still have that operation in mind… forget it !"
"But Ranma, Akane might be right ! You have tried several things and none of them is working ! She told me that it could be a possibility !" pertinently remarked Ryoga, from the other side of the table.
He had come back a few days ago and she had shared with him the latest bits of info.
And the Lost Boy had been appalled by the slow yet unstoppable decline of his former rival : hearing him make regular mistakes, forgetting this, remembering that wrong, and sometimes the same errors several times… all this had affected him, pulled his mood down.
"She already told me, but I don't want anyone to… to open my skull, Ryosuke !"
Eyebrows raised, Ryoga opened his mouth… but, spotting Akane's discreet headshake (don't point it out, it's useless…), he closed it and sighed instead.
"Given your reaction, I assume your name is not Ryosuke. What is it then ? I might forget it soon, but I'd like to try to remember it."
Ryoga told him… but deep inside, he had now started to consider it a lost cause : no matter how much he hoped something could be done for his former nemesis, now his friend, he realized that it would likely be hopeless… since nothing seemed to be efficient about it.
-/-
"What are you saying, Akane ?" a disbelieving Professor Mori asked her, staring intensely at her, wondering if he had heard well.
"Ranma won't be able to come to school anymore. He's suffering from a particular disorder that apparently cannot be cured. And given that disorder, he won't be able to learn and retain new information, new notions. He no longer can have a normal education, a normal life, and his condition is worsening without any apparent solution in sight…"
"That sounds very serious. What is it exactly for a disorder ?"
She hesitated.
"I'm not sure Ranma would agree if I let you know… but I think you have the right to hear the truth : it's a gradual amnesia, that is growing always more frequent and severe. And also wrong memories : he thinks he remember things right, but he doesn't. Or sometimes he says he remembers stuff… that actually never took place ! I think it's called… paramnesia, or something similar !"
The teacher straightened his glasses.
"Paramnesia indeed. I once had a friend whose sister was affected by paramnesia : she had the symptoms you just described, and was convinced that we were the ones who remembered wrong. Very sad story. And I'm sad indeed that Ranma is affected by that trouble, coupled with amnesia. His life will become very difficult, I'm afraid…"
He laid a reassuring hand over her shoulder.
"And since you're his good friend, Akane, you'll have to be strong for two and help him the best you can. I'm aware it won't be easy for you, but sometimes existence leaves us no choice and we're forced to take this or that burden…"
She nodded.
"Your own results don't seem to have been affected by that issue, since they are as good as usual, but should they get bad at some point, if you're distraught by your friend's condition… I can make one or two exceptions and let you take a failed exam a second time."
She bit her lip.
"Can you do that ? Is it possible, really ?"
He nodded, offering her a kind smile.
"An exceptional situation may require exceptional measures. And don't forget that before being a teacher… I'm a human in the first place. "Being human" has a deeper meaning than just "being part of mankind" : it means being good to those in dire need of help…"
She returned the smile, feeling a bit better… for the first time in God knows how long.
"Thank you, Professor Mori ! Thank you so much !"
"Don't mention it. I'm always here for you if you need help. I wish you as much courage and patience as possible. And please give my kind regards to Ranma. I really hope there will be a solution for his trouble at some point, and that his condition will then improve again."
-/-
"Akane ! Hey, Akane !"
She turned around and saw Daisuke and Hiroshi running to her.
"Hi, Akane ! We are worried about Ranma ! How is he doing ?" asked the first one once they had stopped in front of her.
"We had heard he didn't feel well lately… but after what he recently explained to us, we think it's related to his… trouble. How is it evolving ?" said the second one.
"Daisuke… Hiroshi… I'm sorry, but I don't have good news : his case is getting worse. He forgets names now, and has even started making little spelling mistakes, such as "wrung" instead of "wrong". He's forgetting always more and more. And although we tried different treatments, both natural medicine and "scientific medicine" – hospital treatment, if you prefer – nothing actually worked, and it's getting always more serious…"
Hiroshi gulped, his usually joyous face now expressing unusual disquiet.
"Always more serious, you say ? Does that mean that… it won't stop ?" he hesitantly asked.
The brunette bit her lip, eyes briefly lowering to the floor, before she gathered enough will and courage to reply.
"I don't think it will, no."
"Is he… is he doomed, Akane ?" Daisuke reluctantly said. "Sorry for being so blunt, but…"
She shook her head slowly.
"You don't need to apologize, Daisuke. I understand. And alas, I'm afraid he might be, yes. I'm not sure, of course, I can't be, since I know nothing about that disorder and its evolution… but if we can't find a cure, and if it keeps worsening, then… God knows where it could stop… how it could end. I'm both sad and worried when I wonder what will become of Ranma. I… I love him… so much…"
Tears were welling up in her eyes.
"We… we had… rough times… for… for quite some time… I know… but… but I… I ended up… falling in love… w-… with him…"
Daisuke put one arm around her shoulders, without a word, while Hiroshi told her to "please stop crying".
But it was hard… God, it was hard… so damn hard !
"I'm very worried for him. About how he will end up, if he remembers always less. He could possibly forget even the basic things of life. And just the thought of it…"
She felt a shiver run down her spine.
"We understand, and we're also very worried for him." Hiroshi ensured her. "Do you… have any idea when he might be back to school ?"
Once more, she shook her head very slowly.
"You know where Ranma lives, at my place, and you are welcome anytime. He will be pleased to see you, I know. But as for school… I'm afraid that, if we cannot find a way to counter that disorder, and possibly manage to reverse his condition back to normal, he won't be able any longer to learn and retain new notions, new teachings, because he keeps on forgetting new and old stuff. So… you most certainly won't see Ranma in here anymore."
-/-
As she walked away from Furinkan high school, Akane couldn't help replaying the last moment she spent with Daisuke and Hiroshi… that shocked expression when they realized that they would never see Ranma again…or at least not around this place. They could still visit him at the Tendo's, or there was always the possibility of meeting him outside, somewhere in town… but knowing that they'd never have lunch or play basketball or discuss together at school… that was a tough blow to them !
And somehow, she felt terrible about being forced to tell them this : that their "ancient life" with Ranma, at school, was part of the past from now on. That it wouldn't ever happen again, unless a miracle occurred… but none of them, the 2 boys and the girl, considered it likely at all.
She felt a hand on her shoulder.
Her brown eyes met with blue eyes… that inevitably reminded her of her beloved, although his were more beautiful !
"Hello Ukyo…"
"Hi, Akane. Look, I wasn't spying on you or anything, but I saw you cry from afar, with Ran's friends comforting you. Are you feeling better ? Is everything alright ?"
"Yes. Well, a bit better maybe… not that much. I was… worried for Ranma, and burst into tears. I'm very concerned about him, Ukyo. His condition is worsening. He told you he had been forgetting things, and remembering others wrong. But it's getting more frequent and serious. He even has difficulties remembering our names now, and calls us the wrong way. If it keeps on getting more serious with each passing week, then I… I don't know how far this can go."
The chef put a hand over her mouth, eyes wide open.
The one she loved was doing that bad ?
"Oh God… poor Ran… I didn't know it had become so terrible ! I'm not blaming you for not informing me, of course… I mean, after all, we didn't come across each other so often, lately. But if I had known earlier, I…"
But she didn't speak any further.
Yes, what would she have done then ? If she had known earlier ?
Well, it dawned on her that it wouldn't have changed that much… because she wouldn't have been able to help him more, had she been aware of his ongoing trouble. She still would have been powerless. The only difference is that she would have been able to comfort him sooner.
"Do you know when he will be back to school ?" But after seeing Akane lower her eyes, she seemed to understand something, and therefore corrected herself : "Or… if there are chances he will be back to school someday ?"
The third Tendo let out a long sigh.
"Given his condition, he cannot store info for long, as many things get erased in the course of a simple week. If he learnt new stuff on Monday, he might have forgotten them by Friday. So it's almost certain you won't see of Ranma at school anymore…"
Ukyo solemnly nodded, anxiety rising insidiously inside of her mind and heart.
"Can I come to see him then ? At your place ? And when ?"
"You're welcome anytime, Ukyo, really ! Ranma will be pleased to see you. His mood isn't good at all lately, and having friends around him will bring him some solace, relieve him from his worries for a while. I told the same thing to his friends, Hiroshi and Daisuke : they can also come whenever they want. Anyone is welcome, and he needs support, more than he ever did before."
"Then I'll come at the end of the week. Unless I have a last-minute hitch, in which case I'll come next week." the young cook informed the young martial artist.
Akane nodded… but then recalled something.
"Just one thing, Ukyo. A warning : given that Ranma is now forgetting or twisting names, he might well end up asking you your name or calling you a different name. You'll probably be shocked, but if possible, please don't let it show… You can correct him, but what I mean is : please don't pity him or show too much concern or sadness for him. He needs comfort, and if he realizes that he made you feel bad, it will have a negative effect… on him but also on you."
Ukyo remained silent for long, long seconds before finally nodding, fear nibbling at her heart and making her distraught about the future of her loved one…
-/-
Ranma refuses to undergo that operation, and I understand his fear : after all, would I accept it myself, were I in his place ? Not so sure… But if there's no other possibility, then what… ? He can't just keep on living that way ! We must try everything to save him ! I'll do all I can t-
Her train of thoughts got interrupted as she spotted two familiar silhouettes a little ahead.
"Ranma ! Ryoga !"
The black-haired duo turned their heads as one and smiled at her.
But her beloved's smile clearly appeared weary.
I know he feels awfully tired. He told me he didn't sleep well… and then there are his frequent headaches… all this coupled with his ongoing problems… my poor Ranma… I wish I could do more for you… save you from that evil…
"A problem, Akane ? You look… concerned."
"I am concerned, Ranma. For you. But right now, I was thinking that you look tired…"
Long sigh.
"Yeah… another rough night, and another headache will do that to you…"
She couldn't hide her surprise upon hearing that, as she recalled thinking precisely about these issues a minute before !
"Something wrong, Akane ?" asked Ryoga.
"Well I happened to be thinking about Ranma's sleeplessness and headaches a moment ago, and now he tells me he had got both today… That's… really peculiar… Anyway, what are you two doing here ?"
"Ranma told me he needed a new notebook, so I decided to come along, to… keep him company, you know…"
Ryoga pronounced the last words on a different tone, one that implied something known from both of them, and at the same time, he gave her a knowing look.
She caught his drift : "keep Ranma company" was a coded way for Ryoga to mean that he was mostly watching over his friend, who could now easily lose his bearings and get lost if he found himself on his own. The boy could no longer go alone in the city, as he could then unexpectedly forget the way to his destination… and the way back home !
The brunette silently stared at the one she loved, and who stared back at her, the shadow of a smile on his lips.
Ranma has become like some kind of child now : he must be kept under constant surveillance…
That thought saddened her, but she decided to not let it show, so as not to worry them.
"Yeah, I need a new notebook for school. For math lesson Mine is almost full now !" explained the pigtailed boy.
Akane's eyes widened.
School ? He wanted to go back to school ? Or, more precisely : he thought he would be able to continue to attend lessons, in his condition ? He hadn't realized it wouldn't be possible ?
He's too absent-minded, too often and too seriously, to realize it…
But before addressing the main issue, she chose to ask him about a detail of his explanation that had surprised her.
"Almost full, you said ? But how can your notebook be almost full ? We started only 3 months ago, so there's no way your notebook would already be full !"
He blinked at her.
"3 months ago ? You must also be tired, then, Akane… because it's almost the end of the school year ! June is next month, I saw it on the calendar, at home !"
Surprised at first, she rapidly got over it : she had got used to his "false memories" and was no longer taken aback by them.
"What ?!" exclaimed Ryoga, staring incredulously at his friend. "Ranma, we're in November, not in May !"
"You're kidding me, Dude ?!" retorted the gender-switcher.
"Guys, let's forget it, okay ?" intervened Akane, both hands raised, each of them turned at one of the boys, as if she was actually trying to stop a quarrel between them.
They turned to her.
"Nevermind the month ! That's not the most important !" She looked at her fiancé. "Ranma… I'm afraid you… you can't go back to school. Not with your current memory issues. You won't be able to learn and retain new infos and notions if you keep forgetting or remembering wrong. That's impossible. You'll have to leave school."
He gazed fixedly at her, not knowing exactly how to react.
"I'm… sorry, Ranma…" she whispered, and looked down, feeling extremely bad for him.
At last, he was able to find the words to express his view.
"But… but I'm a student… I'm supposed to go to school, take classes until the end of high school, then go to universary… that's the way it's meant to be…"
She noticed his mistake, and in a different context, she would have guessed he was joking, and would certainly have laughed… but she was well aware what that mix of words meant : that he had begun losing control of language.
And if he gradually forgot the correct words, then…
… he wouldn't be able to communicate anymore.
With anybody.
She took a deep breath, to gather her courage.
"I know that's the way it's meant to be, but given your issues… you just can't. And it's even worsening ! You won't be able to have a normal school life if things get worse like that !"
His blue eyes left her and set on the blue sky.
"If things get worse, I won't be able to have a normal LIFE. Period." he corrected her sentence.
Akane and Ryoga felt as if they had just received a punch in their belly.
What he said was true… but most of all, it was dramatic !
The boy had understood that his "normal life" was behind him, and that he would never get back to it, no matter what he or others could try to change that.
"It's too bad… I liked going to high school… I'll miss Furingan… and my friends… Dai-… Dai- something… and Hitoshi… Hinochi…" He shrugged. "Whatever their names are. I'll miss them. I hope I can see them again one day."
He stood still for long seconds, then gave a sniffle, turned around and started walking away.
With slumped shoulders.
"Ranma !" called out Akane, stretching her arm in his direction, as if trying to stop him.
Ryoga looked at her, then turned to Ranma, who was slowly moving away, then back to Akane.
"Come, Akane !" he told her, reaching out to her. "I don't feel any less sad, but we have to go after him : he mustn't remain on his own. Come with me."
She wiped her own tears, nodded, and hurried after her poor fiancé, Ryoga by her side…
-/-
That evening, Ranma's headache had returned, and it was more acute, this time. The young martial artist hoped that the painkillers he had taken would quickly take effect, as he found it increasingly difficult to bear with that horrible pain.
He tried to avoid wincing as much as possible during dinner, to avoid the family getting worried about him, but it became always more arduous to pull the wool over the others' eyes.
"Ranma…"
He stopped halfway to the bathroom and turned around.
Akane left the doorstep of her bedroom, from where she had observed him getting upstairs, and slowly closed the distance between them.
"Ranma… I'm so sad that I can't do more for you… I feel so helpless… so useless…"
He put his hands over her shoulders.
"You're not useless or helpless, you're helping me by being suppor-… supporting to me, you try to comfort me, and I appreciate. Sincerely. I'm lucky to have you, Ak-… Ak-…Aka-… uh…"
"It's okay, Ranma, don't insist. It's no big deal if you can't rem-"
"…Akane ! Uh… is that right ? No, eh ?"
Taken aback, she stared at the poor boy, not believing what she had just heard.
"Yeah, it's not Akane, I knew it. I fucked up again. Sorry."
"No, Ranma, NO ! That's right ! My name IS Akane ! You remembered it ! That's… that's…"
But instead of finishing her sentence, she did something that was far more efficient than any word : she took him in her arms and squeezed him tightly !
"Ak-… Akane… eh eh… not so tight… you'll suffocate me !" he told her jokingly.
But she didn't want to let go and her embrace only slightly loosened.
And, curiously enough, during that happy moment – one of the rare happy moments at the Tendo residence in months now… -, it incidentally happened that his headache had diminished in intensity…
But once he finally got into the bathroom, the sharpness alas returned and he winced to himself in the mirror.
He washed his face in cold water and dried it, his attention drawn to the mirror.
He then brushed his teeth, but as he did so, casually looking into the mirror, he began to frown.
His observed more intently and his frown intensified.
But… I'm not sure that…
After cleaning his mouth and putting the toothbrush back in its glass, he resumed staring into the mirror, more frowning than ever.
He couldn't take his eyes off his reflection, trying hard to remember something.
But his efforts were vain : after staring for long, long seconds at his face, he slowly pronounced those 3 terrible words :
"Who am I ?"
-/-
Do you remember, in a previous chapter, when Ranma jokingly told Akane that, if it went on that way (i.e. if he kept forgetting on and on), he might well end up looking at his reflection and asking himself : "Hey, who are you ?" Well, it was premonitory, because at the time I already had in mind this scene here, where he forgets his identity.
Also, earlier in this chappy, there's this : … those 3 terrible words : "Who are you ?" Well, the last words here are almost identical, save for "I" instead of "you". That was also premonitory.
Regarding the title, CAST OFF, it comes from the maritime field and refers to the release of the mooring ropes from the ship/boat, in order to allow the latter to leave the quay and freely sail away. Well, Ranma is also cast off here, in that distance is growing between him (the ship) and other important elements of his life, such as school, Daisuke and Hiroshi, Ukyo (all representing the quay). Being cast off, here, amounts to losing his bearings.
In recent reviews, one of you said that it was getting dark, and another one that he had become sad. Yes, it's getting darker, and I'm sorry if some of you feel sad, but drama genre is by definition sad, and while we wish characters we like/love wouldn't suffer, they end up going through (very) difficult times, alas… Still, I do hope that the fact that this fic' is getting more dramatic, darker, will not discourage you from reading on.
The theme of this story is related to the hard times of a family facing the long disease of one of its members, how they cope with it, how the victim (but also the others around him/her) suffer… It's trying, it's demanding, but it can also be rewarding as well : because while it becomes sadder, there will be moments of emotion as well, and these are precious, these must be kept preciously.
Thank you for your support, your time, your favoriting/following/reviewing this fic. Your support fuels my motivation. It's not an easy story, I admit it, but it comes from the heart. And the heart never lies.
Take care, be happy, as happy as you possibly can !
Later, my friends !
Léo