Chapter 90

Raven sat on the edge of her bed. It was time for therapy, but no one had come to get her. She knew that it had snowed again over night, but that shouldn't have stopped Echo or Octavia from coming to get her. They had been meticulous in learning how to do the therapy sessions and exercises, so if something happened that Sam and Meeka couldn't be there for Raven, they would be.

Echo and Octavia had been working with her sword work. She could hold a sword out at her side for a long time without it dipping. Her arms were so well defined that she knew some of the guys back at the compound would be jealous. She'd been working hard towards her goal, but she knew that wasn't quite ready to for the trials. She was getting better.

Octavia was surprised at how diligent and quickly Raven responded to her exercises and her training. She watched as her friend threw her full self into it. She was proud of Raven's ability to pen her when they wrestled and fought in hand to hand combat. Raven surprised her more than once, and it made Octavia proud to see how much Raven had learned with Echo while they were on the Ring. She just added her knowledge to Raven's repertoire.

There was a small knock at the door. Raven looked up as Octavia came in. She was alone, but Raven could tell that there was something on her mind. She cocked her head as her friend came in and sat down in the chair in the corner. Octavia's eyes weren't wild. She looked calm, calmer than Raven had ever seen her. She was relaxed and quiet. Two things that didn't come easily to Octavia. Raven knew that she liked to know things and to keep moving. For her to be still and quiet was a little disconcerting, but it wasn't outright alarming yet.

"How did you sleep?" Octavia finally asked, breaking their silence before Raven could.

"Like a rock."

"Did we tire you out too much yesterday?"

"No, you didn't. I've just been sleeping deeper here. My mind must know that I am safe, so it allows me to do something it hasn't been able to do since I was shot. Or, maybe, I am just healing more than my leg. I'm trying not to look too much into it, O," Raven answered.

"Why? Afraid of what you might find out? Have your dreams plagued you for so long that you believe that you don't deserve a good night's rest?"

"Something like that," Raven replied.

"This isn't Earth, Raven. We are doing better. We are working to blend with Terrans. We aren't seeking war or battle," Octavia stated as she stood and moved closer to Raven, putting a hand on her knee and forcing the other woman to look deeply into her green eyes. "The things we did, we did to survive. You cannot fault yourself for protecting us. Everything that you told us how to do, or what to make, or made yourself wasn't for evil, Raven. You didn't seek to take lives; you tried to protect them. You fought with what you knew and because of your knowledge, we survived."

"And, we still blamed Clarke for it all," Raven added.

"We did, because it was easier than dealing with our own shit. But, we've gotten older, wiser, and we've learned that we have to handle our own demons. We can't blame her for protecting us, fighting for us, and making decisions that no one would ever want to make. I learned that and more while in the bunker. Being Blodreine en Osleya wasn't all that is cracked up to be. I made mistakes. A lot of them, and I have to deal with their consequences. But, I can't imagine that there is a single member of Wonkru that would blame you for what you did while we were still fighting the Grounders instead of joining them," Octavia explained. "Many of them hold you in high respect. They are amazed at what you can do with the tech that you are giving. And, others fear you. I would say that it is a healthy balance. But, their loyalty is to you. They will fight beside you, with you and for you."

"Yeah, because of Clarke and her mini-me," Raven quipped.

"Does that matter?" Octavia asked her. "Does it really matter that the girl who has saved our asses more time than we want to admit has made you an advisor to her daughter? Does it matter that Echo took you on as a sekken? No, it doesn't. While that might get you prestige and titles among the people, they can still see who you are. And, honestly, they are in awe of you, Striksora."

"Why?" Raven questioned.

"They see a girl that has survived when others wouldn't have. You are the warrior that would have been killed for their disability, but you didn't let it define you. Instead you raged against it and fought to make sure that no only you survived what Earth threw at us, but that all of us did as well. You raged against your wounds and told them that they weren't going to make you suffer. You used your pain in order to move forward. You didn't let it consume you completely. You used it to forage ahead and pave the way for us to live. Raven without you and Clarke, we'd all be dead. I would have killed every last one of them in the bunker. You saved us. You've paid for your sins, just like the rest of us," Octavia stated. "There is no more punishments for us. This world, this Terra Nova, living among the those of Helios, it is a fresh start. Meeka and Sam are just giving you a little boost."

"This isn't little, O. This is huge. I can fucking walk again. I'm starting to run. I can fucking swim and fight and ..."

"Just be whatever it is that you want to be, Little Bird," Octavia told her as she gathered her into a hug.

"I want to help you fight," Raven stated.

"There is no one to fight, Rae. We are just trying to keep things peaceful here. So far, we're doing a good job. I know that it is hard to believe, but it's true. We're at peace," Octavia stated.

"But, what about protecting Heda en Wanheda?" Raven asked.

"That is a privilege. I don't believe that they are in any real danger here, but it doesn't hurt to be proactive. You know that. How many times did you check over the pods before you let any of go to sleep? Being proactive is never a bad thing, Rae," Octavia said and looked deeper into her eyes. "But, that isn't it, is it? What is really bothering you, Little Bird? Why are you so...antsy today?"

"It's nothing," Raven answered too quickly.

Octavia's bow shot up into her hairline. She moved closer to Raven and bent down until her green eyes could meet the evasive, dark eyes of Raven. They held. Raven was doing her best not to meet her eyes. She knew that Octavia would see the worry and the defeat in them. Octavia tried to force to look deeper into her eyes and see the truth. She knew that Raven felt odd sometimes with all the warriors. She knew that their Little Bird felt useless, but she was far from that. With one last ditch effort, Octavia knew what she had to do. She raised her hand and tilted up Raven's face until she had no where to look but into Octavia's burning green eyes. When their eyes locked, Octavia saw the anxiety and knew that she had to crush it. She wouldn't let Raven doubt herself. Raven might not have earned "sister" like status with her like she had with Echo, but she wasn't going to Raven wallow for a second.

"Get up," Octavia demanded.

"Why?"

"Because we are going for a swim," Octavia told her as she reached over and grabbed Raven's swim gear.

Octavia tossed it at her, making sure to hit her in the face with it. The look in her eyes meant business and Raven knew better than to argue. She was honestly at the mercy of Echo and Octavia. She'd signed up for this. There was no backing out unless she went to Echo and begged to be released as her sekken. And, Raven wasn't going to back down. She was the youngest zero G mechanic is fifty (well, longer now) years. This feeling that was coming over her was just doubt and insecurities because she could walk, again. She was letting her head tell her things that she knew weren't true. But, it was hard being away from them all again.

Octavia understood that. She wasn't going to let Raven walk this road alone. She'd sworn it not only to herself but Clarke, who must have at some realized that Raven was going to break and break hard during her rehab. Today was that day, but Octavia wasn't going to let her break her. Octavia and Clarke broke enough for them all. They would carry the burdens. She looked over at her friend, who had haphazardly caught her clothes as they feel into her lap. Octavia grunted and shook her head.

"Change into your swimming kit," Octavia commanded. "I'll be outside waiting on you," she added and then walked out the door to Raven's hospital room, slamming the door in her wake. Raven stared at it for a minute and then lost herself back in her head.

She knew that part of it was because she wasn't needed in the Village like she'd been needed on the Ark, in Arcadia, or on the Go-Sci Ring. Here they didn't need her head. She'd helped as much as she could back at the barracks before Echo and Palla whisked her away to fix her leg. But, reading the reports from Clarke, Abby, (crazily enough) Diyoza and even some from Heda herself, Madi. They were surviving without her. She had finally outlived her usefulness.

"Get dressed!" Octavia yelled from outside the door.

Raven started at the authority and anger in her voice. She knew that she was in for it. Octavia was pissed. And, Raven figured that she had every right to be. Raven was acting like a shit and she knew it. She slowly got up and changed. She knew that the longer she made Octavia, and possibly Echo, wait, the larger her punishment was going to be. And, part of her didn't care. She believed that she deserved it.

Finally dressed, she went to the closet and grabbed a towel. She walked over to the door and opened it. Octavia wasn't there. Echo was.

There was a fire in Echo's eyes. It was almost seductive. Raven knew that she could lose herself in Echo and her strength if she allowed it. She didn't, though. Echo was her fos, her teacher, her mentor and at best her friend. She didn't want her pity. She wanted her training. She wanted to be strong like Echo was. She needed to be strong like Echo, because it would give her purpose again.

"I don't know what happened your dreams last night, Striksora, but they weren't true. You wound us all when you believe the lies that your mind creat with the doubt that you still can't shake. You saved us all many times. You tamed the stars. You tamed the Earth. You made it your bitch. You have kept your people alive. You kept us alive in space. You did that, Striksora. No some mysterious person we've never met. So whatever this doubt that plagues you needs to go. You've fought too long and too hard to keep it so close to your heart. I thought we were passed this."

"Me too," Raven replied quietly in Trig as she dared to look away from Echo's dark hazel eyes.

"Get in the pool, Raven. We have work to do," Echo told her.

The friendliness gone from her voice. Raven knew she was about to be tested. She walked into the room with the pool. Octavia was already in it. Meeka and Sam were missing. This didn't bode well.

"Get out of your head and get in the pool, Striksora!" Octavia commanded.

But, before Raven could reply, Echo pushed her in. Octavia gave Echo a slight nod as she stepped out of the gym to call Clarke. They knew that the blonde might be able to talk to her, but first they had to physically tire her out enough that she would break for them to build her back up again. Honestly, Echo had been waiting this. Today was just as good as another.