JENNIE
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I was sorry about the girl. She had been on a date with Lisa and she'd ended it for me. I should have been nicer. She just caught me at a bad time.
"What happened?" Lisa asked as we started down the dark road.
"What was going to happen sooner or later. We have grown apart."
"There's more to it than that," she said—and she was right.
I stared out the window of the Jeep and wondered when, exactly, did Tae pull away? When I was in the coma? How long did it take him to go live his life? Had it been hard on him?
"I think if the situation had been reversed … I wouldn't have been able to go so easily or quickly. I was only in a coma for a little over a month. We had been together since we were six. Wouldn't it take longer than a month for him to accept that he needed to go on with his life? Surely if that had been me, I would have had a hard time leaving him. He … he didn't. He left and he made a life here. So quickly."
I felt guilty even saying all this. Should I be complaining that he didn't sit and pine for me?
"I wanted him to live his life, but I expected him to at least have held out some hope that I would join him like we'd planned. He didn't. He was having sex with Cat. It didn't take him long."
Lisa didn't respond right away. I didn't expect her to. What was she supposed to say to this? "I'm sorry"? There was no response she could give me to make it better.
"Tonight we were at a party. He had this life, and these friends who didn't even know who I was. I didn't fit, and he didn't seem to notice or care. He wanted me to sit there beside him while he laughed and had a good time. That wasn't what we were always like. I used to at least know his friends, and I wasn't as lost. But I've realized that he had always been the center of attention and he expected me to just fall into place at his side. I don't want that anymore."
Lisa pulled her Jeep down a dirt road. Normally this would seem strange, but I trusted Lisa. That was something else I didn't understand. Why did I trust her so completely?
We were stopped under a clear night sky in a field filled with grass and wildflowers. I wondered if she had brought many girls out here for something completely different. It was a beautiful spot, though.
"Tae will regret this one day," Lisa said as she turned her body toward me. "He had you. He'd lived a perfect life with you and he didn't even know what he had because he hadn't tried anything else. Me … well, I've tried it all. I'm not wondering what's on the other side. I've been there, and it is lonely. He'll realize it one day, and it'll be too late."
That was sweet and I appreciated her saying it, but I didn't want Tae to regret anything. I wanted him to be happy.
"Couples go to college and grow apart every day," I said. "Before my coma, I think the idea of this would have broken me. But it all changed while I was asleep. I found a part of me I didn't know was missing. What hurts is he cheated so easily and so soon."
Lisa leaned forward and cupped my face with her hand. It felt familiar and exciting all at once. "When you were sleeping and I would read to you and talk to you, I felt something. Hell, maybe it was your face, because you have an exceptional one. But I felt a connection. I'd never had that before, and I made excuses to see you by bringing your family coffee. Sure, I'm a nice person and I wanted to help out, but in reality I couldn't imagine a guy not standing by your side, holding your hand, praying you would wake up. I…" She paused and leaned close to me. Her scent made my body tingle. "… Just knew there was something special there. Then you woke up and I was right. You went to see my uncle D because you cared about an old man you didn't know. You stood by me as he died. You cared. No girl has ever cared before, Jennie."
Tears stung my eyes. Lisa was so much more than she was given credit for. I leaned into her hand and closed my eyes. Instead of the safe feeling I had with Tae, my pulse raced with Lisa. She made the world brighter and full of the unknown.
"I had to be sure," I told her, opening my eyes to lock with her gaze. "I had to know what I had with Tae was over. He was all I'd known."
Lisa dropped her hand, and I felt cold without her touch.
"I know. You still need time. Twelve years is a long time to love someone. Moving on can't happen overnight. But when you're ready, you know where to find me."
As much as I wanted Lisa to pull me into her arms and kiss me, I knew she was right. There had to be closure with Tae.
"Thank you," I said, wishing there were words that meant more, that expressed what I was feeling.
"For what?"
I looked at her beautiful face and those eyes that seemed to haunt my dreams. "For being you."
Lisa chuckled. "I've never been thanked for that before."
I smiled at her amusement. "How will I know?" I asked her.
"Your heart will," she replied.
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