"I was born on the wrong side of the train tracks
I was raised with a strap across my back
Lay me on my side or hold me up to the light, yeah
I was burned by the cold kiss of a vampire
I was bit by the whisper of a soft liar
Any good friend of yours is a good friend of mine
Broken boy, how does it feel?
Broken boy, how does it feel? How does it feel?"
Videx awoke abruptly the following morning from a nightmare involving some combination of the newborn dying, the vigileators arresting him for thoughtcrime, and his boss demoting him to cleaning out the pods like a common thrall. He turned to his bedmate and tried to shake off the remnants of the dream by assuring himself that at least the first part of it hadn't come true.
The newborn breathed steadily, curled in on itself in the fetal position. When it had awoken sometime in the night, Videx had hoped it would speak; perhaps to name itself or ask what was going on. But instead it had just radiated a sense of wordless relief at having company, then fallen asleep again shortly thereafter.
Videx's tendrils absentmindedly twined around one another as he contemplated what to do with his new companion during the day ahead. The easiest and safest option- for himself, at least- would be to leave it at home and briefly check in around midday. That way he wouldn't have to deal with the headache of dragging the poor thing to work and answering anyone's questions about it.
It wasn't like the rescued newborn was a secret, but somehow, Videx felt as if his level of worry and devotion to it was. He didn't think the Creedmaster or their assistant would approve of pouring all this time and effort into one newborn at the potential expense of others, not to mention that this particular illithid probably should have been euthanized on the day it was brought in.
Once the pods were opened on the seventh day of each cycle of ceremorphosis, there was a checklist to be followed. Anything from gross physical defects to signs of feeble-mindedness were grounds for feeding the newborn in question to the colony's Elder Brain then and there. Sometimes failed ceremorphs were kept as spies or pets, depending on their usefulness and whether a Nourisher dared vouch for them. Videx could take this to the top if need be, but why risk it?
So he got ready for the day, following his usual routine with the addition of coaxing the newborn to wake up enough to drink some more broth. It was much easier now that the other illithid was actually awake and cooperative, and Videx noticed it could tolerate a bit more now without feeling ill.
"You're safe now, you know," he reassured it. "I'll have to leave soon, but I'll always come back for you."
But as he tried to actually exit his quarters and go to work, the newborn protested his leaving. It said nothing directly, but such a sense of sadness and desolation emanated from its direction as he left the room that Videx sighed and turned back. It would've been easier if he had just let it stay sleep and snuck out quietly, but he couldn't in good conscience jeopardize its health for his own convenience. Speaking of which, he needed to find a brain for it to eat soon, ideally sometime that day...
"Okay," he said, half to himself. "Let's try this again."
He took a resonance stone from a shelf in his bedroom that had been imprinted to radiate calmness and contentment, and tucked it into bed with the newborn. He tried to leave again – but no luck. Anytime he even contemplated an exit strategy, a feeling of utter dejection clutched at his heartstrings.
At that point, Videx almost gave in and stayed home for the day... But no, he couldn't. Imagine the mess his apprentices would make of things without him! Half the thralls in the pods would probably be dead come tomorrow.
Videx massaged his temples in frustration. He was running late already, so even if he took the newborn with him, he didn't have time to call a thrall to carry it there... "God-Brain damn it," he muttered to himself as he wrapped an arm around the other illithid's shoulder and lifted it to a standing position, using psionics to keep it steady. "Guess you're coming with me."
Videx was thankful for his proximity to the ceremorphosis unit as he half-carried, half-levitated his companion down the street. The newborn made a token effort to walk, but it weaved like a drunk and would have fallen over within seconds if he hadn't been there to help.
The only benefit to being late for work was that the night shift manager had left already, not caring enough to stay and berate him for his lateness. At least, Videx noted with some satisfaction, his vigileator shadow from the previous day was gone. Clearly Svull had found themselves better things to do.
Because the vigileator had gone and his supervisor wasn't in today - they mainly liked to show up when the process was near completion - Videx had the whole section practically to himself aside from a few thralls and apprentices.
Uddul was there already, twiddling his tentacles, and Videx provided him with a Qualith tablet about host selection parameters to study. Elizavo arrived shortly, from the direction of the pod chamber rather than outside, so she'd also been here before him.
"Uh, Videx?" she asked. "One of the form donors is freaking out in there. Is there anything we need to do?"
As if on cue, a hysterical scream sounded from the inner chamber.
"I'll take care of it," he said. "In the meantime, do you think you can order us some lunch?"
She cocked her head to the side in confusion. "What is lunch, Elder? I see you mean food, but the origin of that thought is unclear."
Videx clamped down on his mental shields, embarrassed that she'd caught him using such a humanoid expression. These sorts of things just slipped out from time to time. He covered his embarrassment with a show of haughty impatience. "A brain, apprentice. Ideally one from the thrall caverns or the Menagerie, still inside a living skull. Now get on with it."
Videx settled the newborn down on a bench and entered the inner chamber. Most of the thralls in the pods were silent, sleeping or waiting stoically, but one of the drow was hyperventilating and beating her fists on the glass of her pod. Videx briefly dipped into her mind and saw that she had suddenly developed a bad case of claustrophobia, aggravated by the fact that she was hallucinating hundreds of spiders inside the pod with her.
"I'm sorry!" She sobbed. "Elliya Lolthu... My goddess, I have forsaken you!"
"There are no spiders," he told the drow woman. "Your goddess isn't angry with you. Now go back to sleep and be quiet."
With that done, he turned to the newborn, who had slowly slid down the bench it was seated on until it lay nearly horizontal. "Come on," he grunted, lifting it again with entirely mental effort this time. "This'll be more comfortable for you while we wait."
He brought it over to the back wall where two pods remained unoccupied. The glass door of the furthest pod lifted open at his command, and Videx deposited the newborn inside. There was a brief sense of alarm as it found itself in unfamiliar enclosed surroundings, but Videx put the resonance stone in its hands – thankfully, he'd thought to bring it with him - and modified the console's settings to warm and humidify the chamber inside.
"I'll be right here," he assured. "Just reach out if you need anything."
He really should've done this yesterday, Videx thought as he closed the pod. He supposed he would have if Svull hadn't been breathing down his neck.
The next few hours went by uneventfully. He monitored the pods – nothing amiss there – and quizzed Uddul about the morning's lesson.
"And what makes gnomes unsuitable for ceremorphosis?"
The apprentice's brows furrowed. "Their... their size? Like dwarves?"
Videx waggled a tentacle at him in reproach. "Careful there, that's a trick question. If you'd paid more attention to the reading, you would have seen the footnote on gnome ceremorphs..."
The newborn lay quietly in its pod for the most part. Once it was sure Videx hadn't gone far, it reverted to a dissociated state, staring blankly at nothing in particular. Ah well, he thought. At least it wasn't bothering him. Maybe bringing it to work hadn't been such a bad idea. And keeping it in a pod allowed him to monitor its vital signs from afar, so he didn't have to worry about anything going wrong when he wasn't looking.
Some time later, Elizavo returned with a pair of blank-faced delivery lizards, carrying the 'lunch' he'd asked for. A male human, bound and unconscious, though slightly beginning to stir.
"Took you long enough," he quipped to his apprentice. "But thank you. I apologize for not getting enough to share, so you can have the rest of the day off as compensation."
He could feel the moment that Elizavo's brief disappointment turned into elation.
After she left, Videx quickly deepened the victim's sleep through mental suggestion, then bade one of the Nourisher thralls to carry its limp form into the inner room. The half-orc secured the human's head and arms into a feeding stock that Videx had found in a nearby supply closet. Newly spawned illithids normally bathed and slept before eating their first meals elsewhere, so the metal of the contraption was dusty with disuse.
As he worked, Videx could sense the newborn following his actions with uncomprehending eyes. When he was done, he gestured toward the pod, tilting it upward and letting the lid slide away.
He shed his outer layer of clothing, leaving only a simple black under-robe that wouldn't be too hard to cleanse of any bloodstains. Then he leaned forward and wrapped his tentacles around the human's head in a crushing grip. With a series of grinding crunches, his acidic saliva and rows of pointed teeth went to work on the thrall's skull. Behind him, he could faintly feel the newborn's surprise. "Watch and learn," he thought briefly in its direction. "Soon enough you'll be doing this too."
The hardest part was not eating too much of the brain himself. Videx's eyes rolled back in bliss as he began to see flashes of the thrall's memories, short and miserable as they were. He inhaled nearly an entire hemisphere before regaining control of himself and pulling away.
The newborn seemed interested in what he was doing, and even wrapped its hands around the edges of the pod and briefly attempted to pull itself out. Videx braced himself to catch it with his psionics if it fell, but it was too weak to even get that far.
He considered how best to feed it. Its severed tentacles meant that it couldn't grip the thrall's head to get its mouth into a good position. The human was both dead and immobilized, but he wasn't sure if the newborn was strong enough to eat properly or even knew what to do. So Videx returned to the supply closet where he'd found the restraints, cursing his lack of foresight. To his relief, he managed to find a large wooden spoon without much effort. He'd best do this quickly before the leftover psionic energy dissipated.
The act of offering the newborn a scoop of brain on a spoon gave him the oddest sense of deja vu. He saw a brief flash of a blonde-haired woman, offering a human infant food in much the same manner... The thought filled him with warmth and fondness, before he tamped down on it and pushed it away with an ease borne of years of practice. Just a leftover from that thrall's brain, he reassured himself, choosing to ignore the other shards of partialism that had popped up over the years.
The newborn meekly accepted the first bite of brain, its utter confusion giving further credence to Videx's suspicion that the poor thing hadn't had anything to eat, ever.
Luckily, brain tissue didn't need much chewing, and once the newborn had swallowed it immediately looked up at him with the expectation of more.
Videx chuckled. This was the liveliest he'd seen it so far, which boded well for its eventual recovery.
He fed it the rest of the brain in much the same manner. It took no further coaxing to get it to eat, though he did have to convince it to let go of the spoon when it mistakenly bit down on the wood instead of just taking the chunk of brain. He'd have to throw the spoon out after this, since it was bitten nearly all the way through.
Videx chuckled at the newborn's eagerness. This one would be a firecracker once it recovered. It would be a good addition to the newest cohort of novices...
But it nearly missed its chance to join them. Videx had thought he'd been overly careful, only offering it half a brain on the second day after its rescue. He knew from somewhere - for the life of him, he couldn't recall where - that it was dangerous to offer someone too much food at once after they'd been starving. It seemed his caution had been warranted, because several hours after he'd fed the newborn – just as he was getting ready to leave for the day, damn it - the poor creature began trembling violently.
Videx swiped a health potion from the stores – thankfully, the expected shipment had come in, and one more wouldn't be missed – and did one last check of the occupied ceremorphosis pods, but then he took his charge home with no small amount of haste. It wouldn't do for the night shift to arrive and accuse him of wasting resources.
He was glad that he'd gotten some sleep the previous night, because he was up for most of this one as the newborn suffered through episodes of nausea and shaking. It seemed confused and restless, and more than once Videx had to prevent it from getting out of bed and hurting itself. Most worrying of all, at times its breathing sounded ragged and uneven, as if it was more of an effort than usual. This subsided once Videx offered it the health potion he'd brought home, but something was clearly still going on.
By the next morning, both of them were exhausted... But thankfully, the worst of the symptoms seemed to have subsided. Less than an hour before Videx had to report for his shift at the ceremorphosis unit, he lay utterly limp and wrung-out at the edge of the bed, staring into the newborn's eyes.
Not for the first time, Videx wondered uneasily why this one was so quiet. The newborn illithid hadn't said a word during its illness that night, which was understandable. But even now that it was feeling better again, it had still made no move to tell him its name, ask any questions, or otherwise start a conversation.
From what little Videx could see, its mind was still intact. It was running an internal monologue in there, but he didn't want to pry too deeply and disturb whatever fragile privacy it had built for itself. Still, he needed to know sooner rather than later if it had suffered irreparable mental damage... He'd have to delve deeper into its mind if he couldn't get it to broadcast its thoughts more publicly.
Then something occurred to him. "You're allowed to talk, you know. Not sure if someone has told you not to, but it's fine here. In fact, I want you to say something. Can you do that for me?"
The newborn frowned up at him, seemingly confused by his request. But then, for the first time in nearly three days, it spoke. Had the answer to Videx's conundrum really been that simple?
Instead of words in its own voice, the first thing Videx heard was an impression of another. It spoke in a deep raspy tone, clearly an imitation of a humanoid. "Shut up, you fucking squid! You're giving me a headache!"
Was that what the wizard had said to it? Videx's tentacles itched with the urge to throttle that damn human, but he contained his anger lest the newborn think it was directed toward it.
"Hey, if you're a fucking squid, so am I... And we all talk like this. No matter what you say, I doubt you'll give me a headache."
One of the newborn's own stubby tentacles twitched in surprise. Videx noted that it had already grown back an inch or so in the days he'd been caring for it – a good sign.
"Oh," was all it said at first, leaning against him. "Okay."
A creature of few words, then.
"So, now that we're talking..." Videx prompted gently. "What should I call you? Do you have a name?"
Radio silence. Videx was about to give up, disappointed, but then -
"I'm Eldriss," it said shyly. For the first time, Videx got a sense of its – no, their – identity as an individual. Illithids usually named themselves shortly after birth, proclaiming a rough translation of their first thought to anyone who was there to listen. Videx was worried that his charge had skipped that step entirely because no one was there to listen, or that they were too addled by the circumstances of their birth to even think clearly enough to choose one – so this was a great relief.
"Well it's nice to finally meet you, Eldriss. Now that you seem to be feeling better, I need to get ready for work. Do you think you could stay at home this time? It would only be a few hours."
In response, Eldriss leaned against him, pressing themselves tightly against his side. Videx sighed. It looked like he was going to have company again...
Later that morning, a messenger thrall was waiting for Videx when he reported for his shift at the ceremorphosis facility.
"Qrr-something wants to see you," the duergar stuttered, stumbling over a name that wasn't meant to be pronounced aloud.
"This better be quick," Videx said as he stifled a yawn. "Let me drop off my friend here and check in on the pods to see how everything's progressing."
It was now the third day out of seven, and the newest batch of recruits was at a turning point in their transformations. The crying and pleading for their lives that occurred the first few nights when the night shift refused to put them to sleep had mostly ceased now, only to be replaced by moaning and the occasional guttural scream as bones twisted and limbs elongated. Videx knocked all of the wretched things unconscious at once with a well-placed mind blast, no longer bothering with subtlety now that their brains were too damaged to form coherent thoughts anyway.
He tucked Eldriss into the same empty pod he had used yesterday, though this time they were alert enough to protest him leaving in much the same way as when he'd tried to leave them in his domicile. "I'll be back soon," he soothed, trying to ignore their hurt feelings. "I just have to go check in with the boss, but it shouldn't take too long."
Videx followed the duergar out of the chamber and down a series of long narrow hallways. The floor angled downward, so Videx felt as if he was descending into the bowels of the Hells. He chastised himself for being so dramatic. Qrr'Dekvin was harsh, but usually fair. Videx hadn't seen the need to report the addition of one more newborn illithid to this month's batch, figuring that the Loretakers would send news of the mission to the Elder Brain and the knowledge would disseminate from there. He'd hoped that his boss wouldn't find out quite so soon, though – the worse the newborn looked, the more likely Qrr'Dekvin would tell him to stop troubling himself with it and take it down to the brine pools for consumption.
The door to the ulitharid's office was closed, but Videx took a deep breath and placed his palm on its cold stone surface. The door slid open, its biomechanical sensor recognizing his psionic signature and marking him as an approved visitor.
The assistant Creedmaster sat at his desk, three-fingered hands steepled together as if deep in thought. His six tentacles were still for the most part, aside from one extra-long tendril that was idly rolling a miniature resonance stone the size of a marble back and forth along the desk's smooth surface. Neither his face nor the outer surface of his mind gave any impression of his mood, but perhaps that guardedness was telling in and of itself.
"Tell me, Videx. Are you bored here?" Qrr'Dekvin spoke without preamble the moment Videx entered the room. "Do you find a lack of fulfillment in your work?"
That elongated tentacle rolled the marble back and forth, back and forth. The faint sound of glass on stone grated on Videx's nerves.
"No, sir," he said. "I find it quite fulfilling to oversee the development of our next generation." Like most illithids, Qrr'Dekvin could easily sense a lie – but the way Videx said it, this statement was technically true. "Why do you ask?"
"You know very well of what I speak, so drop the pretense. I cannot fault you on the performance of your regular duties. But I find myself wondering about your motivations simply because you undertake such an illogical course of action. Any knowledge that newborn possesses would be available to the Elder Brain immediately upon its death; you know that. And you know that when it was first brought to you, it met the euthanasia criteria twice over. It likely still would now, even days later. So I ask you, Videxthrod. Is all this effort worth it to add one additional member to a colony of thousands?"
Videx swallowed. It was now or never. "I believe we should place more value on individual lives," he said bravely, though internally he was cringing at his own boldness. "Otherwise, we treat our own comrades no better than thralls. Yes, we join the Elder Brain upon death. Yes, this newborn should have been euthanized if no one was willing to give it the proper care, but I was – and now it's improved significantly. I believe it no longer meets criteria on a physical basis. There are no underlying abnormalities, just injury and neglect."
Qrr'Dekvin sighed and shook his head. "You are an odd one, Videx. Are you sure it's not your own death you fear? Afraid the Encephalithid will judge you and find you lacking?
Videx's tentacles twitched involuntarily. He hated to admit it, but the ulitharid had struck a nerve. "I've always supported this colony's best interests," he said stiffly. "I just think we should value our lives more, rather than giving them up so easily for the promise of commencement."
"I remember your form donor, you know" Qrr'Dekvin said softly. "A human. No talent for war, no affinity for magic – quite unremarkable, really. He, too, supported his community's best interests by healing the injured and sick when no cleric was available. I see him in you, at times."
The ulitharid set his resonance stone aside and stared deeply into Videx's eyes. Videx stiffened, then consciously tried to relax both body and mind as he submitted himself for inspection. His outwardly calm demeanor was belied by the way his heart raced wildly and the well of anxiety that simmered under the surface of his thoughts.
"Your partialism is subtle," Qrr'Dekvin murmured. "And I see you speak the truth about your purpose. Unlike some others, I believe you can still be useful. Years ago, before you came to the Creed, we had a case of aborted ceremorphosis. The aberration that resulted had the mind of an illithid, but retained the appearance of its form donor."
Videx exhaled in relief, not quite sure where this was going but relieved to turn the tide of the conversation away from his own flaws. "That's very rare," he acknowledged. "What happened to it? Is it in use as a spy for the colony?"
"It was euthanized," the assistant Creedmaster said bluntly, tapping the claws of one hand against the desk in agitation. "By a Nourisher who lacked your imagination. Perhaps your sympathetic tendencies can be put to use to identify other such useful failures."
Videx nodded. This seemed almost too good to be true, and he wondered what the catch would be. Increased monitoring, in case he were to ever put a toe out of line?
"Indeed," Qrr'Dekvin answered. "And I must emphasize: useful failures only. The one you care for now has no unique traits that make it valuable to the colony. You say that it no longer meets criteria on a physical basis... But mentally? Is the newborn intact? A month of near-isolation would be hard on you or I, but directly after ceremorphosis..."
"They told me their name today," Videx countered. "Eldriss. Has a ring to it, doesn't it? As for the rest, it's nothing that time and companionship won't cure. Perhaps in a few days I can take them out into the colony, or introduce them to some of the next batch when they come out of the pods."
The ulitharid made the chirruping hum for which he had named himself. It seemed that Videx had given him much to think about. "All right," he allowed. "You may have another week of treating this as your personal project. One week to get this newborn into a condition that doesn't scream 'food for the Encephalithid.'"
The smaller illithid bristled. "A week? Is there any way you could give them a proper chance? Their tentacles won't even fully grow back for a month at least."
"I'll ignore the tentacles for now and only judge its long-term prospects at becoming a productive member of the colony. Still, I want to see this project of yours within a week's time. You are dismissed now, Videx. I have more pressing matters to attend to than your individualism." The ulitharid said that last bit as if it was a dirty word – which Videx supposed it was.
Well, that could have gone better, Videx thought as he left the assistant Creedmaster's office. But with the revelation of his partialism, he supposed that it could also have gone far worse.
One week, he reminded himself as he returned to the ceremorphosis unit and the newborn awaiting him. He only had a week left to turn this pitiful creature into a functioning member of society, so there was no time to waste.