Disclaimer: Of course I don't own RWBY, its characters, or the franchise. That's all Rooster Teeth~
Story: In a weird, horribly wrong twist of fate, Ruby is the leader of a team comprised of Roman Torchwick and his henchwoman Neo, a cranky man named Adam Taurus, and a snarky older teen named Mercury Black. They were all a little strange and murderous (though she doubted they really were), but they were her team, even if two of them were reforming (she thought so) criminals. Just…two of them though, right? (But then again, she got the sense she was the leader of a band of criminals anyway).
Set as crack!AU (sometimes taken serious?), canon-divergence during "Ruby Rose".
Spoilers: Probably.
Warnings: Age disparity, maybe future situations if this is continued. Crack humor in abundance and absurdity rampant –probably OOC.
Pairings: Ruby/Various (with emphasis on James Ironwood and Ozpin, and Roman, Mercury, Neopolitan, and Adam being a given).
A/n: Don't like the pairings? Find the exit yourself and don't bother me. I've got 20+ years of writing and am just too old for your immature shit. Otherwise, enjoy and have an open mind~
Team RAMEN!
Chapter One: Welcome to Beacon (Redux)
Dear Romeo,
I hope this letter finds you well? I am looking over some of the plans you made over the specs I sent you from last time, and they were very impressive; the weapons specialists over here were very eager to go over it and were excited to get to work on them right away.
Aside from work problems, how have you been? Is Signal any more of a challenge or still boring you? I could send over some of the Atlas curriculum studies for you. Even if it's still not challenging, you could benefit or find interest in the differences between Vale and Atlas education styles.
I thought I'd also inform you my real name is James and to give you my Scroll number, so it'll be easier to talk. I assure you my line is secure.
Sincerely,
Juliet
My Fair Juliet,
I'm good! Well…Yeah, actually, I'm not. My sister is going to Beacon and I'll be alone at Signal, and I'm worried I'll be picked on again. It's not my fault I'm so small and really good at my studies! Maybe I should slack off? I don't know. I don't know —I'm just over worrying, I guess. And insecure? You ever get like that, Juliet?
James. Right, thanks for trusting me with your name. I guess I'll tell you mine too! I'm Ruby and I'm really happy I can just tell you these things. I like writing to you. I feel like I have a friend for once.
I'd like some stuff from Atlas, if you don't mind. I'd think it'd be really cool and I wouldn't be stuck with Signal's curriculum! And if you want, I could send over some more ideas too? I won't be stuck with just doing boring stuff at Signal at least. And do you want me to look over your revolvers too? I know you described them to me last time and I had some ideas that you might like!
After I send this, I'll add your Scroll number and message you after you probably end up with this letter —I'm pretty glad and amazed that somehow our letters are able to be mailed so fast! While you end up reading this letter, I'm gonna send you our first Scroll message! I'm super excited~
Talk to you soon!
Your Romeo
The small-statured girl smiled widely as she folded the letter up and then put it in an envelope. She was going to miss sending 'Juliet' letters; it was old-fashioned but fun, and there was a sort of old-school, lovely magical feel to communicating this way with him. But she could send him quick messages now! They were close enough for it! And he even gave her his real name.
She was going to miss addressing him as Juliet though~
Giggling to herself, Ruby Rose danced out of the house so she could go mail her letter to her longtime penpal.
Later on in the day, Ruby had gone to the city to look for Yang and do her own errands. Unfortunately, she found Yang in a mess at some dark underground club and face palmed at the damage (and the whole ordeal while she was at it!). After dealing with her sister and sighing at the damage to the club, she went to get more Dust for Crescent Rose. Having used up everything that morning after visiting her mother's grave and taking care of a pack of Beowolves that had descended on her, she was completely out and needed to refill her stores.
But now there was this mess with the robbery!
"Get back here, you Clockwork Orange Wannabe!" Ruby screamed as she chased after the white-clad thief.
"I take offense to that!" he screamed back at her, getting aboard a bullhead. "I'm an original, thanks very much!"
"Says your hair color and whole look!"
She aimed at the propellers just as he threw a red Dust crystal at her, with her ammo colliding with the crystal and causing a huge explosion that destroyed the propellers of the bullhead and caused it to start its descent downwards. At the same time, the explosion went towards Ruby as well, and she gasped as she was too slow to avoid it. But the purple shield that protected her, however, was not.
A pretty blonde woman quickly came to a stop in front of her, protecting her from the blast. While hearing the looming sounds of the crashing airship, the blonde turned towards her with a frown.
"You, young lady, are coming with me."
Ruby winced.
Roman Torchwick wasn't in the habit of getting caught. And hell, a short too cute of a little brat was the one to be his downfall! He just needed Neo —that's all. His ace in the hole will get him out of this predicament, while he sat there cursing that bitch of a woman who'd left him behind to be arrested by the authorities.
But his hopes were dwindling by the seconds, more so as he was approached by none other than the infamous Headmaster of Beacon. Ozpin didn't seem like much, but there was an odd heavy air about him that made Roman uneasy. Then a blonde woman came in, bringing in a sheepish Neo with her, and Roman's stomach dropped.
Fuck.
"Well, I see that this has become a predicament for you and your assistant," Ozpin spoke in a deliberate tone, watching him over his glasses.
Roman smiled mock-charmingly. "Isn't it? I suppose she and I have some explaining to do, Lucy."
Ozpin hmmed. "While I enjoy your taste in classic sitcoms, I must get straight to the point. You are caught. You could go to prison, serving time there, abandoned by your compatriot." Shit, how'd he know about Cinder? "Or you could accept a deal."
Roman perked up at that, while Neo listened intently, trading a look with him.
"A deal, huh? I'm listening," he said carefully. He wasn't much fond of Cinder after she just left him to this fate, but he was also aware of her newfound power and this shadowy organization and plan that was taking place.
Hmm, if anyone could provide him a cover and protection…Ozpin could possibly be his best bet.
Ozpin smiled slowly and Roman thought that he might come to regret this.
Both males stared at each other warily, keeping their mouths shut. The older of the two was in no hurry to talk to the other, and the younger was pretty exhausted and tied up anyway.
The Branwen man winced and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked at the kid and gritted his teeth. Why on hell on Remnant did he drag this dumbass with him?
"I see you've been busy," Ozpin said, appearing in the room and joining his side, watching the offspring of the infamous assassin Marcus Black.
"I should've dumped his ass into a prison cell, not dragged him here," Qrow grumbled, glancing at Ozpin.
"…Plans have a way of suddenly coming up when you least expect it," Ozpin murmured. "You should know your niece has earned her way to attending Beacon two years early."
Qrow raised an eyebrow at him, though he was inwardly very pleased and proud.
"Ruby did, huh?" he muttered, hiding a grin so that the kid in front of him wouldn't catch onto anything between him and Ozpin.
"She did," Ozpin confirmed. "Quite brilliantly, I might add."
"Sounds good," Qrow couldn't quite hide his beaming expression. "I should head over to congratulate her."
"Hm, of course. I'd like, however, for you to stay a moment as I have an offer for Mr. Black here," Ozpin said.
Qrow scowled. "You've got to be shitting me! After what this kid helped to do to Amber?"
"And precisely why I have need of him," Ozpin said calmly. "And he can atone for what he did by accepting."
"Who says he'll accept?" Qrow grumbled mutinously.
"I have a feeling," the silver-haired man murmured, watching the tiredly smirking older teen watching the two adults.
"This is awesome!" Yang hugged her. "We get to go to Beacon together!"
Ruby smiled, though her sister was suffocating her a bit. "I know, right? I'm excited too!"
But, remembering she hadn't messaged Juliet —James —yet, she excused herself.
"I've got to write Juliet," she told her sister, who nodded. Her family had been knowing about her penpal, though she'd not told them about their exchanging of Scroll numbers or about James' real name.
Moving to the side of the airship cabin, she found a private, quiet place and took out her Scroll.
R: Hi, Juliet! It's Romeo —Sorry I didn't message you here like I told you I would. I got super distracted. The thing is that I got accepted to Beacon early! By two years too, so I don't have to be stuck at Signal and I get to start Beacon with my sister. I'm super, super excited!
Ruby was about to put away her Scroll when she saw that James was typing at the moment and she excitedly waited. This was awesome! Their messages could now be really quick to each other.
J: It's good to hear from you. I was getting worried when I didn't get your message when you said I would. I'm pleased you get to escape from Signal early and can hopefully enjoy your time at Beacon better! I know that at least you'll have a more challenging experience and I will tell you that the professors at Beacon are top notch. Nothing like Atlas, of course, but I'm quite biased. I'm also very proud! Two years early into Beacon —that's very impressive of you and quite the accomplishment. I'll have to forward the Atlas material to there instead, as well as the specs for my revolvers.
Ruby smiled widely to herself, happy to read the message from her friend. But then there was another message that made her smile become even happier.
J: You are allowed to call me James, Ruby. I don' t mind you using my name.
Ruby's cheeks warmed and she was pretty sure they were hurting from how wide and persistent her smile was.
R: Thanks! I'll remember that…James.
Pleased, she put away her Scroll and went to go find her sister, only to run into one of the older teens there. Slicked-back but also unkempt gray-hair with equally gray eyes, the older boy faced her and a large smirk crossed his face.
"Hey there," he held out a hand and she noticed the rerebraces and vambraces he wore. "Name's Mercury Black."
Excited to be making a potential friend outside of James, she took his hand. "I'm Ruby Rose! Pleased to meet you."
"You seem pretty young to be entering Beacon," he said casually and she blushed.
"Uh, yeah. 16 actually! I got in early due to some circumstances," she hesitated and he nodded.
"I see. Sounds like an interesting story —maybe you'd be interested in sharing once we become better acquainted?"
She beamed at him, pleased that her usual social awkwardness hadn't prevented her from befriending Mercury.
"Of course! I'd like that very much," Ruby said eagerly. Seeing her sister looking her way and calling her over, she excused herself. "I think my sister's calling for me," she gave him an apologetic look. "Maybe we can talk more later?"
"Sounds good to me," he said, smiling pleasantly at her and she gave him one last smile before leaving for her sister.
Mercury, meanwhile, let his smirk grow wide. That was just too easy. Apparently that girl was his target, according to Ozpin, and he had the luck to run into her already.
He just had to keep getting into her good graces and climb himself out of this hole Cinder had left him in after the debacle with that Fall Maiden.
His survival instinct will get him through this.
The glare he wore could've killed a thousand men, but his pain in the ass 'friend' only looked away uncomfortably.
"I don't know why I decided to do this with you, Blake," he hissed and was regretting every moment of his impulsive decision to follow Blake Belladonna in abandoning the White Fang.
"Maybe you do, Adam," she just gave him a faint smile and he continued to curse her continually in his head.
The Bull Faunus was already feeling his skin crawl as they walked towards Beacon's campus. Despite seeing Faunus around as well, there were just too many filthy humans for him to relax.
"I fucking do not," Adam sneered, feeling uncomfortable without his usual mask. He opened his mouth again, when he saw an obvious Schnee and her load of shit being lugged towards the school. Another girl was distracted and about to run into the Schnee bitch's suitcases.
He stomped forward and grasped the girl's red hood and yanked her back, keeping her from tripping into what was obviously a shit ton of Dust. The hell that Schnee was doing bringing all that here?!
"Be more careful," Adam snarled, turning his attention to the girl he held in his hand (and ignoring the oblivious walking away Schnee), only to freeze in place as she looked at him with wide silver eyes, tilting her head cutely to the side.
A faint memory of a zoo and a tiny, adorable animal he watched when he was a child —small, innocent, cute even to a kid him…
"Panda," he muttered out, watching her curiously watch him back.
Weirdly enough, with her coloring, his mind went to associate her with a red panda. And then he mentally smacked himself. The hell?!
"That girl's probably got vials of Dust in her suitcases," he grumbled, rapidly releasing his hold on her and agitatedly looking away from the girl. "Be more damn careful of your surroundings."
To his mortification, she smiled happily and hugged him. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! It's very sweet of you!"
Horrified, he wanted to shove her off of him when he saw Blake and saw her faintly amused and smiling at him. Rapidly taking a step back from this girl, he clenched his jaw.
"Just watch yourself!"
Fuck, he regretted this whole thing!
Ruby took out her Scroll, shoving her sleeping sister farther away from her spot so she had space. After being saved by the young man with auburn hair and horns that signified he was a Faunus, she'd gotten lost and run into "Vomit-Boy", who she learned was Jaune Arc. He was friendly enough and they'd even managed to make it in time to the Welcoming Ceremony. Ozpin sounded pretty strange though? She assumed he had a lot on his mind or something…
Finding James' number, she decided to message him before turning in for the night.
R: Hi! I just wanted to say goodnight before turning in. Hope I'm not disturbing you.
She saw she was quickly getting a message back and happily waited.
J: Have some time to talk about your day? And you're not disturbing me at all. Just finished some papers I had to look over. Bored, to be honest.
R: I actually made a few friends today! Already so much better than at Signal. One of them even saved me from making a dumb-dumb mistake and making an explosion of epic proportions. Guess some girl came here with a large amount of Dust in suitcases?
J: Ah, sounds like Winter's sister. I know you originally reached out and talked to Winter Schnee with those weapon schematics? Her younger sister went to attend Beacon this year. I'm pretty sure that's the girl you're talking about.
R: Gotcha! Yeah, glad I avoided that altercation then.
J: Weiss is a bit high-handed and…spoilt…Much like Winter actually, though don't mention I said that about her, you hear? She'll have my head.
R: Promise!
J: Anyway, she's actually a good girl though. She means well, most of the time, but may take a while to warm up to you, so just keep that in mind and don't get too offended if she…gets a bit…haughty?
R: Alright? I'll keep that in mind.
J: Good girl. Now sleep and rest well. You'll have a busy day tomorrow! Team placements start right away.
R: K, good night, James.
J: Good night, Ruby.
Ruby shut off her Scroll and finally went to go to sleep, pleased with how her day had turned out.
Started 12/5/20 – Completed 12/6/20
A/n: Just go with it, people, and have fun :) Enjoy this mess and don't try to make sense of it. It's crack taken (sometimes) serious and meant to just laugh at and be entertained~
Quick Points:
1. James took more of a presence than I originally meant to –probs 'cause the things I've been hearing on Volume 8 is giving me anxiety and depression XD
2. Ages: Ruby is aged up a year (as is WBY and the others). I'm gonna go with, since Junior didn't mind flirting with a 17 year old Yang or Professor Port acting flirty with students, that age of consent is 16-17. It also means that entrance to Beacon is 18 not 17, which is how I feel is better –what with them entering a 'dangerous' profession and therefore more responsibly at those ages entering that kind of field. Also, Beacon feels more like a continuation school with Signal being the equivalent of high school? XD