Delighted as he originally was to have Miss Lovegood back, as the school year wore on, Snape did not even want to imagine how he would have coped without her. However determined he was to protect the students from the Carrows' cruelty, he soon found there was very little he could do to stop them from using all sorts of physical punishment short of the Killing Curse if he did not want to compromise himself. He could not exactly walk up to them and ask them to have a misbehaving student sort potion ingredients instead of being beaten to a pulp. Thus, he could only watch with helplessness as they cursed and tortured those in his care, often for no reason at all, and suffer as if it were being done to him. That is why he clung so desperately to the brief moments spent in the Room of Requirement, as it was the only place where he could forget about the torture chamber the school had become. Naturally, he and Miss Lovegood had to be especially cautious when meeting these days, what with the Carrows on a constant lookout, but he was willing to take the risk. If worst came to worst, he had prepared at least a dozen excuses to fool the siblings, all ensuring his friend would come to no harm.
However, if he had believed he already had enough on his plate, he was sorely mistaken, as several weeks after the beginning of term Miss Lovegood disclosed to him that Longbottom had had the brilliant idea of renewing the activities of Dumbledore's Army, or at least of what was left of it, to undermine the morale at the school.
"I was so excited when he suggested it!" she squealed delightedly, oblivious to his less than encouraging expression at her revelation. "It will be like the old days! If we manage to smuggle some of Fred and George's products into the castle, we could-"
"Miss Lovegood, have you and your friends gone utterly insane?" Snape cut her off, unable to contain himself any longer. "Have I not accentuated enough how dangerous the Carrows are? What they have shown so far is only a fraction of what they are capable of! Have you perhaps grown tired of your scarless skin? For if the Carrows catch you plotting mischief, rest assured they know magic that will disfigure you for the rest of your life, magic that not even Madam Pomfrey will be able to heal. Is that what you want?"
"Well, then we'll just have to be extra careful not to get caught, won't we? The school doesn't feel like Hogwarts anymore; we just want to do something to help lift everyone's spirits. The first-years especially; they don't even want to leave the common room in the morning, that's how scared they are. I really feel sorry for them. But if they see that the Carrows are not all-powerful, that somebody's actually fighting back, they'll feel better, I know it. It worked the same with Professor Umbridge, so it's not as if-"
"But this is not Professor Umbridge you're dealing with!" exclaimed Snape, getting more and more exasperated by the minute. How could he make the girl see reason? "Umbridge was nothing compared to the Carrows. I understand your noble intentions but sometimes, like in this case, the risk is just too great to play hero. I, too, am troubled by the situation at the school, but not even I can do anything save for handing out lighter punishments to rule-breakers I catch myself."
"But ... aren't you the Headmaster? Can't you just tell the Carrows to be nicer?"
"If only it were that simple, Miss Lovegood," sighed Snape.
The Ravenclaw frowned at that, and Snape could almost hear the wheels turning in her head.
"Is it because the Carrows are Death Eaters?" she asked finally.
Reluctantly, Snape nodded. "Indeed. Which is why I implore you, yet again, not to do anything foolish. I do not want to see you get hurt."
To his relief, he seemed to have finally got through to his friend, albeit not in the way he would have liked.
"I know, Professor," she said. "But Neville's already made up his mind and I want to help. We all do. Still, I don't want to give you more worries than you already have, so maybe I could let you know every time we plan something? That way you can watch over us and if you see the Carrows, you can step in before they do and punish us as you like."
Tiredly, Snape rubbed his eyes as he mulled over her offer. It was a long shot from what he had hoped to achieve, but unless he was prepared to keep Miss Lovegood petrified in her dormitory, it would have to do.
"Very well, then," he gave in at last. "Keep me informed of any tomfoolery your little group may get up to. If we do not see each other in person, send Nilly."
"I hope I get to fight in a real battle one day," said Miss Lovegood dreamily, obviously considering the topic closed and moving on. "That's what the DA was all about. Not just playing tricks but real fighting. I almost Stunned a Death Eater at the Ministry. If the spell hadn't missed, I would've got him. It would be nice to try again sometime."
Snape felt his temper rise again at her words; he wanted to grab her and shake her until she realised that what she was saying was nonsense, but he knew it would be useless. Where he saw danger and death, she seemed to see only sunshine and rainbows. Thus, he merely took a deep breath to calm down, before giving a somewhat resigned response.
"Be careful what you wish for, Miss Lovegood," he said. "A battle is not a game. People tend to die in battles. All it takes is one moment of inattention and it might be you. Let the fully trained wizards fight it out; there is no need to waste young lives."
As Miss Lovegood had proved only a moment before, she could be as stubborn as a mule when she set her mind to something, which is why he did not really expect his advice to be taken on board, but he would not be able to rest easy if he did not at least try. Unfortunately, though, the girl reacted exactly as he had hoped she would not.
"But if He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named attacks Hogwarts, I want to help defend it," she objected. "Just like the rest of the DA. What if we're the ones who make the difference?"
"Let us hope it will not come to that. As long as the Dark Lord has control over the school, he has no reason to attack it."
"That's true," said Miss Lovegood pensively. "Maybe Harry will get him first and there will be no battle at all."
This got Snape's attention. "You know where Potter is, Miss Lovegood?"
To his disappointment, she shook her head. "No. But he's not at school this year, which can only mean he has a plan to kill He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Ron and Hermione are probably helping him, too. I wish I could've gone with them. It must be an exciting adventure."
"Undoubtedly," said Snape noncommittally, thinking exactly the opposite. He would be surprised if Potter was not already lying dead in a ditch somewhere, with no Dumbledore to lead him by the hand anymore. The only one he had any confidence in was Miss Granger, but he doubted even she had the power to keep the two brainless morons accompanying her alive.
"Have you any idea what you would like to do when the war is over, Professor?"
Still absorbed in his predictions concerning Potter's fate, it took Snape a moment to realise that Miss Lovegood had, in the meantime, managed to change the topic yet again.
"When the war is ... no, Miss Lovegood, I admit I have not." He omitted to tell her that the reason for it was that somehow he had always imagined he would not survive till the end. If one side did not get him, then the other surely would. "I presume you have?"
"Ooh, yes! I'll finish school first, of course, and then I'd like to take a year off to travel the world. See all the places we've visited in the Room of Requirement for real, you know? Dad has been setting money aside for me since I was born, so that should cover the expenses."
Snape could not help but smile. "I have no doubt you will enjoy that."
"I was actually hoping you would join me. Being a Death Eater, it might be a bit hard for you after the war. Maybe you'd appreciate disappearing for a while, before things settle down?"
Snape stared at her, utterly speechless, seeing as what she had said was so removed from his usual reality that his brain simply refused to process it. Had she really just offered him to go on a world tour with her? For an entire year, no less? Or was he just dreaming?
"I don't know anything about your financial situation, of course, but I suppose if we live sparingly, we should be able to get by with what I have," Miss Lovegood continued, seemingly misinterpreting his silence.
"Money is ... not an issue," said Snape shakily, finally gathering his wits enough to put together a coherent sentence. It did not really address the main problem, he was well aware of that, but, for the time being, it was the best he could do. "I have spent practically nothing during my time as a teacher here, leaving me with a considerable sum in my Gringott's vault."
"Then it's settled!" exclaimed Miss Lovegood, jumping on the spot and clapping her hands. "It'll be so much more fun if we go together! Half of the ideas for the Room of Requirement were yours, after all."
Feeling as if the matter was fast slipping out of his hands, Snape knew that he could not afford to stay passive any longer. As much as the irrational part of him craved to just accept the girl's offer without thinking, his rational part, the one he had listened to all his life because he trusted it to keep him alive, was yelling at him that such a venture would be downright crazy. It was one thing to enjoy an occasional hour or two with his friend in the Room of Requirement, but quite another to steal a year of her life that she should be spending with someone her own age, someone she would later marry, perhaps. After all, he had never expected their friendship to survive past her Hogwarts education, providing that, by some stroke of fortune, he made it through the war in one piece. No, they would go their separate ways, and if she ever found the time for an odd visit, he could count himself lucky. He would never be as selfish as to stand in the way of her happiness.
Therefore, though with huge effort, he finally kicked his brain into gear and asked, "Is it ... not a little early to make such plans? There is no telling what the future will bring; it can easily happen that the war will drag on for several more years. And even if it does not, how can you be so certain that the Order will be the one to come out victorious? The Dark Lord has taken over the Ministry; as far as I can see, it is he who has the upper hand now."
"I believe in Harry," said Miss Lovegood simply, as if that was all that mattered. "I don't think it'll be very long before this is all over."
Unsurprisingly, Snape did not share her enthusiasm, but he had already learned that arguing with her about Potter was about as productive as teaching Longbottom a N.E.W.T. level potion. And since subtlety had got him nowhere so far, either, it seemed the time had come, uncomfortable as he felt about it, for a somewhat blunter approach.
"Very well, let us say, strictly theoretically, that you are right, and that you will be able to take your tour in the foreseeable future," he said slowly. "I am, however, surprised that you would choose me, of all people, as your travel companion. Would it not be more natural to enjoy the trip with one of your peers?"
"Are you worried it might look improper if I travel with you?" said Miss Lovegood thoughtfully; it was obvious the idea had never even occurred to her.
"Well, it is certainly uncommon for a young girl to travel with a man twice her age. It could give rise to gossip. Not to mention it would make it more difficult for you to find a ... love interest."
He almost choked on the last words; so alien was it for him to as much as breach such a topic.
Unfortunately, it was just like Miss Lovegood to seize on exactly the wrong thing.
"I've always found gossip rather amusing, haven't you?" she remarked, as if talking about the weather. "I'm ever so curious what the next rumour about me might be. People can be quite creative. Did you know my nickname was Loony Lovegood? I think it's quite clever, really."
Despite his frustration at getting nowhere with his arguments, Snape could not help but admire the grace with which his friend had apparently embraced her fate of being an outsider and all the unpleasantness it entailed. When he was her age, he was mostly just trying to fight it, to find a way to fit in, which had ultimately led to his joining the Dark Lord's ranks. Perhaps if he had been as reconciled as she was, his life would have turned out much more positively.
To his dismay, at this point he realised he had allowed his mind to stray, which – he grimaced at the thought – made him no better than Miss Lovegood. Briefly wondering if the girl was intentionally using diversion tactics, he quickly forced himself to focus back on the original topic.
"Well, yes, perhaps," he muttered. "But to return to the matter at hand, are you quite certain you would not rather go with someone else? What would your father think about all this?"
"He would be happy that I'm going with a friend," said Miss Lovegood readily.
"Even if said friend was a Death Eater?"
"He believes you're really on our side, just like I do."
Finally giving up on trying to outreason her, Snape decided the only thing left for him to do was to kick the issue into the long grass.
"I see. Well, as I said, it is still early to make plans. So many unexpected events can occur in the meantime, so it is quite possible you may yet change your mind."
Miss Lovegood looked at him then, and he had the distinct feeling he was being X-rayed. Not for the first time did she remind him of Dumbledore, who used to look at him the same way.
"Is that a polite way of saying you actually want me to change my mind?" she inquired. "I find it a bit hard to tell when someone's giving me a hint, so I prefer to take everything at face value. But if you don't like the idea of going on a world tour with me, don't be afraid to just say so. I won't be offended."
So much for his intention to satisfy the girl with an evasive answer; she had him properly cornered now. Suddenly, as he could no longer wriggle out of giving her a simple yes or no, he felt fear grip his insides like a vice, and for the first time he realised that ensuring Miss Lovegood's well-being was only a part of the problem, that all along it had been about him as much as her. By agreeing to spend a year travelling with her, he would allow her to get closer to him than anyone, man or woman, had ever got before. They would have to bear each other's company practically non-stop, sharing accommodation, perhaps just one room or even a tent if they found themselves in uncivilised areas, eating together, sleeping together. The mere idea was just so surreal, so ... intimate, for lack of a better word, and it terrified him to no end. What if they argued? Or, perhaps worse, what if, in the course of their travels, he became so attached to her that, by the end, he would not be able to let her go?
On the other hand, could he let such an opportunity slip by? Meeting the girl in the Room of Requirement had also been a huge step out of his comfort zone, and yet he would never take the decision back now. Perhaps he was just crying wolf and it would all turn out fine in the end. Also, had he not said himself that the future was uncertain? What use was there stressing over something that might not, for one reason or another, even happen? What harm could he cause by giving a promise that he might not even live to keep?
With this in mind, he returned his friend's intense gaze, and, in a voice that was as solemn as if he was making the Unbreakable Vow, said, "No, Miss Lovegood, on the contrary, I should like nothing more than to join you on this world tour of yours. I was simply ensuring that you did not make any rash decisions by inviting me to come. You do, however, seem adamant in your choice, so I shall respect it. After all, as you so rightly said, half of the ideas for the places we are going to visit were mine."
Despite the heretical thoughts he might have toyed with prior to his answer, as soon as the words left his lips, he suddenly realised he had meant them. Terrifying though it was, he did want to travel with his friend and see all the places they had dreamt up together for himself. To be honest, he was rather starting to look forward to it. And so, while only a few minutes before he had not really cared whether he would perish in the war or not, as with the Dark Lord dead he would consider his mission in this world complete, now he knew he would fight to the death to survive, simply because he had finally found something to fight for.