Cullen was feeling awkward as he couldn't remember the last time he had sat down to have breakfast. He tried his best not to show it, but he fidgeted with his utensils and only managed to take one bite of his food before he became lost in thought. He was trying to recall the last time he had seen her, but nothing came to mind. Unaware that he was mumbling to himself, he was startled when he heard someone calling him. "Cullen, are you okay?" His head snapped up, and he saw Hawke and Nereida looking at him with concern. "Are you okay?" Hawke repeated, looking like she was about to stand up.

"Yes. I am sorry. I just need something cleared up," he said. He looked over to Nereida, who was staring at him with familiar eyes that he could not recall. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he spoke. "I want to say this with no disrespect or offense, but how do you know who I am? I don't believe I have met you before. Or if I did, I have no recollection of it." He saw how Nereida's face saddened, her eyes downcast, and he felt bad, but he needed to know. Then he looked over to Hawke, who indeed looked offended. "Are you serious? You really don't remember the last time we all saw each other?" Cullen just shook his head in confusion. "Last time? What are you talking about? Does it have anything to do with this weird attitude you've been giving me?"

" Remember when you said last week that you were more compassionate than Meredith when it came to mages, and when Nereida came to the gallows asking to speak to a Tranquil, but you dismissed her." Hawke's words left Cullen in shock. He couldn't remember any of it. "I have no idea what you're talking about...," he replied, but then a sharp pain in his head and he instinctively reached for a small lyrium vial to drink. As the headache subsided, his memory began to return. He looked at Nereida, whose eyes were filled with sorrow - those same familiar eyes, he finally remembered.

Before he could reply, Hawke interrupted him. "Cullen, how long have you been taking lyrium to help with your headaches?" Hawke's voice was laced with deep concern. He was about to protest, but then he looked at his hands. There, he saw the empty vial clutched tightly in his fingers. He hadn't realized that he had taken it. His body just reacted on its own. "I need to get some air," he said, quickly rising from his seat and bolting out the door. Hawke and Nereida called out for him, but he was already gone. He ran as far as he could, not knowing where he was going, just that he needed to be alone. He didn't realize how far he had gone until he found himself in front of the chantry. Cullen took a deep breath before entering. It was still early morning, and only a few Sisters could be seen wandering about. He made his way through the halls, quietly ascending the stairs. He knelt by one of the Andraste statues and began to pray.

"Blessed are they who stand before

The corrupt and the wicked, do not falter.

Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.

Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow.

In their blood, the Maker's will is written."

Cullen wasn't sure how much time had passed. His legs ached from being knelt down for such a long time. He knew he had to get back to work. This morning had not been going according to plan. Cullen gave one last prayer before he slowly stood up. His legs were a bit shaky but eventually went back to normal. He stood there for a while, rethinking everything. How far had he let lyrium consume his actions? His mind went to Samson. Would he eventually become crazed and addicted to lyrium just as he was, succumbing to the madness that was sure to follow? Was this the fate that awaited him if he continued down this path? He shook the thought out of his mind. No, he must endure. He wouldn't allow such weakness to interfere in his life.

After standing for a while, he made his way down the stairs and out of the chantry. It was already daybreak, and Hightown was slowly coming to life with its residents starting their day. He suddenly stopped and mentally cursed himself, "Dammit, I still haven't apologized. I ran off like a damn coward." He slammed his palm to his face, "They both must think of me as a fool for acting out that way." He couldn't help but feel ashamed. Despite trying his best to put up a front, he was only just a man. After debating what he would do, he decided to go to Lowtown, find Hawke, and tell her to never speak of what transpired again. His mind was set; if she wanted to belittle him for being weak, he did not care. Soon, he was back at Nereida's house, standing outside, hesitant and unsure whether or not he should knock. That's when the door swung open, and there standing before him was Nereida, dressed from head to toe in leather hunting armor.

Nereida immediately jumped back letting out a loud yelp, "Ar iá ámenel!" In return startled him, he did not know what to expect. "Knight-Captain, why are you here?!" She was still trying to catch her breath from the fright he just gave her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just came back to get Hawke so we can get our job done. Is she inside?" Nereida crooked her head to the side in confusion. "Marian? She is not here. She told me she was going out to go look for you but if she did not she would return to her estate and wait for you there." She looked him over for a bit before continuing, "From the looks of it she did not find you so I would check back at her place for better luck."

He noticed how uncomfortable she looked standing by the door, waiting for him to leave. Even though he wasn't the brightest man around, he could tell when he wasn't wanted. "Oh, um, thank you. I'd better be on my way," he said, nodding his head, and turned around. But before he could take a step, he heard her call out, "Wait!" He turned around quickly and saw her grabbing her bow beside the door before closing it and walking towards him. "Since you're heading over in that direction, would it be alright for me to accompany you? I have some business in the merchant's square." He wanted to refuse, but he didn't want to come across as even more of a bad person in front of her. So far, he hadn't been very kind to anyone. "Certainly, I see no harm in that," he replied. He saw her face light up, and she smiled at him. He couldn't help but let out a light chuckle in response. He wasn't really good at talking to women, and he did his best to avoid them, but her company was slightly welcomed. As they were about to leave, he stopped and turned to her, which made her put up her guard as she stopped as well.

"Look, before we go, I just wanted to apologize for anything hurtful I may have said or done. I wanted to apologize the next day when we first met or when you came to see me, but I completely forgot. This is the first time in a week since I left the Gallows," he said. He saw how attentively she listened to what he had to say and waited patiently for him to finish. "And I wanted to apologize for this morning's behavior. It was unworthy of me for you to witness me in such a state." Once he was finished, he saw how her eyes stayed fixated on him. He saw that she had no judgments. She smiled warmly at him, which made him have a strange feeling of longing. "It's okay. I wish I could understand what you are going through, but I do not. I've never met someone like yourself who is enduring so much pain yet still manages to carry on," she told him. Her words pulled at his heart. After what he had said and she witnessed, she still managed to find something good in him. He was at a loss for words.

Cullen tried to speak, but his mind went blank. Who was she to make him feel this way? She saw his inner turmoil and spared him further embarrassment. "Just remember, all you need is an anchor to keep you grounded when your life spins out of control." They both stood there just a few feet from each other. He was lost for words, and she was lost in his presence. With those simple words, he felt all those years of putting up walls and keeping his inner fight to himself beginning to crumble. How could someone who just entered his life have such an effect on him? She spoke to him as though she had known him for years. But that's when reality hit him. She doesn't know who he is or the crimes he has committed. He was undeserving of her kindness. Once she knew who he really was, she wouldn't be praising him. Instead, she would be calling him a monster, a scourge on the earth for allowing such atrocities to pass through his hands. He immediately stopped those trains of thought. This wasn't the time or place for that. Cullen quickly regained his composure. "Thank you. Now let's be on our way."

As he headed towards Hightown, he left her behind, not wanting to crack his wall any further. Shortly after, he heard her little steps catching up to him. She walked silently alongside him, smiling to herself. He could see her smiling from the corner of his eyes. She quickly turned away upon seeing his gaze on her. Cullen felt his face turn hot as he too looked straight ahead, and they both walked in blissful silence.

~~~Hello everyone, I just wanted thank those who have made it this far into my story. I really do hope everyone enjoys it. I just wanted to write something from a different perspective. I will try to get stories out as quickly as or when life lets me. Thank you again. I wish everyone well and healthy.~~~

-XARGA12-