"Willow, as smart as you are, sometimes I think it's necessary to hit you over the head with the obvious." Cordelia said.
"What obvious? What am I missing?' Willow said sarcastically.
"We've established that the soul was gone. That it probably was in the after life. Pulling it out of there and shoving it into a vampire wasn't going to do the soul any good. Remember how Angel was? Guilt ridden, ashamed, hating himself?"
"Well, because of all the things Angelus did, duh! What's your point?"
"That Angel didn't do any of those things, Angelus did. But Angelus didn't feel guilty about them, Angel did. Angel was suffering for crimes he didn't commit. And you and Buffy were willing to force him back into suffering just so Buffy could have her boyfriend back. You wanted to pull him out of Heaven and shove him into Hell so Buffy could be happy. But if Angel is happy, the soul goes away again and Angelus is back. Which means Angel has to keep suffering in Hell, just so Buffy can be happy. Now do you understand?" Cordelia demanded.
Willow looked flummoxed.
"You and Buffy wanted to believe it was a fairy tail romance." Xander stated. "It wasn't. There's no miracle happening here. The gypsies wanted Angelus to suffer, they never wanted anyone to fall in love with him. That was never the intent of the curse. Angel is better off where he is, because he's no longer suffering. And if I did dust Angelus to save Giles, then I also saved all the people Angelus would have killed. Like Jenny and Theresa and who knows how many others. Let Angel have peace."
"It's not supposed to be like that." Willow protested softly. "Falling in love is supposed to make you happy."
"I know. But there was never going to be a happily ever after because Angel was a vampire cursed with a soul. Vampires in storybooks have their souls, they have the choice of being good or bad. The vampires that exist in our lives, don't." Xander put an arm around Willow's shoulders. "You wanted Buffy to be happy. Gods know, given the shit deal she's been handed, she deserves happiness. But she and Angel were never going to be able to find it together. I'm sorry, but that's the reality we live in."
"When we find Buffy and I have to believe we will find Buffy." Giles said determinedly. "We will help her to understand that. It seems I need to be hit over the head with the obvious too. Buffy was happier and more productive as a Slayer with Angel around. It made it easy for me to overlook the fact that he was suffering. I pray that damnable curse is never enacted again. To make an innocent soul suffer for the actions of a demon. That is a truly horrific crime."
"Alright, I think we've beat this horse enough and that's a gross image." Xander said. "Giles is going to help me with some memory retrieval exercises, see if we can't find some proof it actually was me that saved him. We've got circumstantial but actual memories of me doing something would help."
"Yes, quite right. Let's start with a meditative exercise, see what that gets us, shall we?"
Unfortunately, there just didn't seem to be any memories to find.
"This is most odd." Giles said. "There should be something, some remnant of memory, but it's as though no memories formed in the first place. As though you haven't lost anything, because there was nothing there to begin with."
"Was he possessed?" Willow asked.
"Unlikely as he should have had some sense of memory from that as well."
"But he doesn't remember being possessed by the hyena." Willow pointed out.
"Actually, yes I do, Willow. I was in denial about it for a long time because I wanted to forget, but I couldn't. No one ever brought it up again, so I just let it go."
"You remember and didn't tell me?" Willow looked hurt.
"There's alot of things I don't tell you, Willow, because frankly, they're none of your business. And Giles knew I remembered. Given the nightmares that continue to plague me, talking about it probably is a good idea. But I don't feel comfortable talking to you about it. It's too personal. Giles can be more objectionable about it and at the same time, understand, having dealt with Eyghon."
"You won't let me help you?"
"I don't need your help, Willow. This isn't something you can help with. I'm sorry, but that's just the reality of it. There's nothing you can do to help. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful you want to help, there's just nothing you can do."
"Just like with the tests you want to do to figure out how much affect the coach's formula had on you. You don't want me to help with that either." Willow grumbled.
"Because Giles can do more. Just because you read those books, doesn't mean you really understood them. That's not a knock on your intelligence, that's pointing out you were a twelve - thirteen year old kid trying to comprehend college level knowledge. Regardless of how intelligent you are, it was still above your level of understanding. Giles has multiple PHD's, he's in a much better position to help me figure it all out. That's just fact, Willow. And we all need to face facts sooner or later. Living in denial doesn't do anyone any good, as evidenced by my nightmares."