Again, I have to start with thank you for your feedback on the last chapter! And especially to the guest reviewer from last time: I'm glad you're still enjoying this story, and I'm always down for coffee!
I decided to add probably two more chapters to this story than I had originally planned (the original plan was 12). The end I had already written didn't feel like the end anymore, so I'll change it a little and add a few more aspects. These chapters are already written in my head, but will need some more time to find their way into my laptop. And since everyone in my household, except for the dog, is sick right now, it may need a little bit longer, and perhaps I'll slow down the updates a little. I hope you don't mind.
For now, enjoy chapter 9!
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The rest of their hike went by in a blur for both of them. Kate couldn't tell why, but along the way, it felt easier to open up to him than ever before. He had always been someone she had felt safe talking to, but by her standards, that didn't mean much. Now, it seemed like something inside her had cracked open, at least a little.
And she didn't even have time to question it because Castle was so effortlessly able to keep the conversation going that she almost didn't notice everything she told him about herself. As they walked through the beautiful nature, taking a break once and then, he lured her into telling him stories about her camping trips with her father, and to her surprise, Kate enjoyed unraveling these memories again. Of some of them she hadn't thought of in over a decade, carefully locking them away like many things that painfully reminded her of how her life had been before her mother had died.
But here, alone with Castle and in the security of their newfound intimacy, she felt like she could allow them to come to her mind and not let the painful little stings they caused overpower the warmth of these memories.
Castle noticed that it didn't take her too long until she kept on talking without him having to ask for a new detail every few sentences. And oh, how he loved it. He sucked in every word, grinned at every smile of her, felt thrilled about the way she seemed so relaxed and comfortable talking to him.
It felt like whatever their relationship might be named now or soon, it had easily uplifted them to a new level he hadn't even imagined possible. And to think there was so much more to come caused an excited tingle to spread through his body. She was almost addictive. But he didn't mind at all to lose himself even further into that addiction.
And when he recognized the little hill that led them back to the camp, he was disappointed their time alone was up. His feet hurt like hell, but he barely noticed them, too consumed by everything he had learned about her today. He longed to make it last a little longer, but the camp came into sight, and he sighed.
He prayed they would be able to take this feeling of lightness and closeness with them to New York and make it last.
Kate walked down the hill in front of him, and when he managed to avert his gaze from her, he noticed that most of the other teams had already returned as well. Most of them had already gathered around the fireplace, some had taken their shoes off, and almost all of them looked tired. Castle couldn't even tell whether he was tired or not, too thrilled by the experiences of this day.
He spotted Esposito walking up to Ranger Coarly and handing her a familiar sheet of paper. A smile tugged at Castle's lips at Esposito's tensed body posture. Oh, they would have the time of their lives teasing him about his behavior at this camp for months.
Coarly took the paper and gave him a firm nod that Esposito returned, then walked off, a little stiff. Seeing Coarly eye the paper, he realized that they had probably been supposed to write down their answers to the questions.
He nudged his elbow to Kate's arm, who looked at him with a questioning look on her face. "I think we have to write our answers down."
Kate looked over to Coarly, reading the paper, and nodded. "Makes sense. Do you have a…?"
She turned back to him, seeing him already holding up a pen in front of her face. "I am a writer. Please, I always have a pen."
Smiling back at him, she answered, "Fine, then write down our answers. Just don't mess up question three."
"Oh, I could never." He pulled the sheet from his pocket and unfolded it. For a second, he stood there with pen and paper in his hands, looking at her.
"Bent over." He told her with a wiggle of his eyebrows. All he received was a deep frown.
"I need something to write on!" He replied, mimicking innocence.
"Yeah, you wish, Castle."
There it was again, the little twitch at the corner of her mouth that would always give her away, no matter how much she pretended to be annoyed by him.
"I do indeed." He mumbled and felt very satisfied at the slight blush hushing over her cheeks.
With a little scrunch of her nose, she turned away and walked over to Esposito and Ryan, but he was able to catch a look at the smile on her lips. He hoped this bickering between them would never grow old or boring. No matter what might have changed between them in not even the last twenty-four hours, this easy dynamic between them hadn't, and he wouldn't want it any other way.
He used his hip as a surface to write on, even though he would have preferred her back, put the pen back into his pocket, and walked up to Coarly, holding the paper out to her. Her features darkened as she looked at him, and he had to force himself to withstand her stare.
"I hope for you that you took this task seriously." She grumbled, and Castle just nodded, feeling reminded of his school days and countless trips to the principal's office.
Coarly pulled the paper from his hand and let her eyes wander down the notes he had scribbled upon it. He only noticed a soft shift in her hard features when she reached the bottom of the page.
"Your biggest insecurity is that Connelly's new book might make it number one bestseller instead of yours? A little shallow, isn't it?"
Castle shrugged his shoulders, knowing what he had written down was a weak lie, but it was innocuous and realistic for someone who didn't know him too well. Coarly eyed him with her stone grey eyes, and he almost squirmed under her stare until she spoke again.
"Shouldn't worry about that. His characters are flat compared to yours."
It took Castle a second to process her words, then his eyebrows shut up in surprise. "Oh, I didn't consider you a fan." He said, the grin he liked to use at his signings spreading over his face.
Every hint of softness from Coarly's face hardened again instantly. "I read books. That doesn't make me your fan. And I for sure don't want you to sign me a book or bullshit like that." She spat out, but Castle thought he noticed the smallest hint of red on the woman's cheeks.
Castle forced himself to dim his smile and slowly stepped away, sensing it was better to end this talk before it turned on him. "Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me."
He heard the grunt that was all the answer he would get and walked over to the rest of the team, smiling broadly as he turned his back at Coarly.
"What are you so happy about, Castle?" Ryan asked curiously as he reached them.
Castle nodded his head towards Coarly and grinned. "Turns out I've got a secret fan."
Esposito frowned and looked over at Coarly. "No way."
"Oh yes." Castle purred. "She said Connelly's characters are flat compared to mine." He repeated the words with pure self-satisfaction dripping from his voice.
"That's what you wrote down as your biggest insecurity?" Kate asked in surprise, and Castle nodded, looking rather happy with himself.
"Wait," Ryan interrupted. "You just wrote down something you made up and got away with it?"
Kate shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. She should have thought before talking.
"We should have done that, too," Esposito muttered.
"To risk having to do that trip with you again? Thanks, but no thanks." Ryan shot back.
Esposito looked a little offended as the rest of the team started to chuckle. Kate's laughter faded when she remembered something.
"Wait, what did you write down for me?" She asked, turning to Castle.
"Scared to death of being wrong." He stated dryly.
Kate's jaw dropped, but Esposito and Ryan burst out laughing behind her, causing an angry blush to work its way up her neck.
"Hey, Beckett, you'll have to admit he's got a point there." Esposito chuckled.
"Shut up." She shot back through gritted teeth, turning away from Castle, who sat down beside her anyway.
"You will pay for that." She mumbled, low enough so only he could hear it.
With the slightest smirk tugging on his lips, he answered, "Oh, Detective Beckett, believe me. I can't wait."
She hated how he could easily keep his face straight while she felt her cheeks starting to burn. Yes, he would definitely pay for this.
Kate tried to keep up her offended demeanor for a while longer, but it got harder with every minute. Ryan had a blast telling them how butthurt Esposito had been when he had told him his flirting skills were a weakness to their work as detectives.
Castle laughed, and Kate couldn't suppress a grin either. And when she dared to look over at Castle, remembering how they had hid behind the tree to eavesdrop on the fight of the other two detectives, she couldn't hold her own grin back. She decided pretending to be in a bad mood was stupid when it was the opposite.
And it got even better when the two teams of men she had heard talking behind her back before the canoe trip yesterday returned and then were sent off back into the woods after Coarly shouted at them, whether they thought she was stupid and that she wouldn't take bullshit from them. Kate's liking for Coarly increased immensely.
Without feeling the eyes of the four men on her back, Kate could enjoy the evening way more. She was astounded by how easy and comfortable it felt to sit together with the team, chatting about the day and the entire trip. Things between her and Castle had definitely changed, but they hadn't lost the way they could talk and joke with each other. She felt relieved about that. She would have hated losing her partner as she knew him to becoming her lover.
This was another thing she wished they could take back to New York. But how it could work at the precinct and with the job was something she worried about. She knew about the restrictions the NYPD had set up for relationships at work. What she wasn't sure of was how their relationship would be counted into these restrictions. Captain Montgomery surely wouldn't be a problem, but was he the one who would get to decide about their partnership's future?
Losing him as her partner would be horrible. She remembered the last summer he had spent at the Hamptons well enough. Work and, therefore, her life hadn't been the same anymore. It was ridiculous how much she had gotten used to him being around and relying on his support, and still, she couldn't change it. And to think she would lose that felt heart-wrenching.
But on the other hand, what would she win? Even if they may not be able to work together anymore, though she hoped they might be able to find a loophole, she would still have him in her life. And that in an even more intense way. Giving up that perspective would be stupid, and she could never bring herself to do it. No, there was no way of going back now. And she didn't want to, even if that meant their relationship at work might have to end at some point.
She averted her gaze from Esposito, who was passionately telling a story she had no clue what about, and let her eyes fall onto Castle's face. He was attentively following Esposito's explanations, had that wonderful beaming smile on his lips, and looked sincerely happy. She couldn't blame him, she felt happy, too.
Kate had to suppress the urge to reach out her hand to wrap her fingers around his. She longed for a physical portrayal of the closeness she felt to him right now. But she wouldn't do it. No, they would give themselves time. Time to figure things out and build a solid ground for what she hoped would be something true and lasting. That was what she wanted. And she was sure it would be if she didn't manage to somehow blow it up by hiding away again or getting trapped in fear.
The thought that there was a good chance of exactly that happening once they were back home put a little damper on the light feeling in her chest. At that moment, Castle suddenly looked over at her as if he had sensed her troubled thoughts. His eyes met hers, making her heart skip a beat and the smile return to her face. She would try anything to make this work.
Ryan was the first to head into his tent, stating how happy he was that he would get to spend the next night back in his bed. Esposito followed soon after, and the crowd around the fireplace grew smaller and smaller as the evening went on. Castle couldn't wait to get into their tent, and at the same time, he dreaded it.
To get to be close to her again would be amazing, but not being able to get close enough would be torture. But he was determined to stick to the agreement they had made. At least as long as she wanted to stick to it, too. When Kate got up after a few minutes of silence, he let her get a little head start before he followed her.
There was still the faintest bit of sunlight left, so it wasn't completely dark yet when he got into the tent. His heart was racing, and he couldn't keep himself from hoping that, just like the night before, her arms would wrap around his body and pull him into her. But they didn't.
Instead, when his eyes had adjusted to the dim light inside of the tent, he spotted her sitting on her side of the mattress, how marvelously strange that sounded, her knees pulled up to her chest, her eyes fixed on him. Her legs were bare, and as if that wasn't temptation enough, he realized she was wearing his much too big sweater again. The one she had allowed him to take off last night to explore her body underneath it.
Gosh, how he longed to do it again. He was sure he would never get enough of that.
He noticed he was staring when she tilted her head with a little smirk. With fluttering eyelids, he lowered his gaze and started to take off his shoes and then his clothes. He felt her eyes on him, and even though he had turned his back on her, he could easily imagine the expression on her face. The little head tilt, the biting of her lip. Oh, he longed to kiss those lips so badly.
If only she would be the one to make the first step. He didn't care enough about Josh to have him in mind in this situation. Actually, he didn't care about him at all. But he knew she did, or at least she cared about what he represented, and he couldn't blame her for that. No, there was nothing he wanted more than to take Josh's place in her life, and he knew he was lucky enough to be about to do just that. And once he did, he knew his perspective on this situation would be completely different. It was right not to act on the feelings soaring through his body, of which he knew she felt them too.
And still, it was so endlessly tempting, and now that he knew what it was like to be with her, it was even more challenging to resist.
He inhaled deeply to brace himself for the upcoming hours next to her on that tiny mattress. He would barely be able to touch her, or he would probably go mad.
Turning around with his breath caught in his throat, he found her sitting in the same position as when he had forced himself to look away from her. The only difference was that she had pulled the blanket up to her body, and her bare legs were now covered. Thank God.
When he slowly crawled over to her, suddenly feeling quite nervous, he noticed her insecurely lowering her gaze for the first time since he had followed her into the tent. It was already too dark to tell if she was blushing, but he liked to think she did. He wanted to believe he was having at least partly the same effect on her as she had on him.
As he came closer, he tried to catch her gaze by lowering his head as well, but he didn't need to. She looked up at him, and even in the fading light, he could see the same desire he was feeling all written on her face. He almost gasped but held it back to turn into a choked breath as he held it. His heart started speeding up, and he was so close to reaching out, pulling her in.
Again, she was faster. But it wasn't the passionate touch he had expected. In the gentlest way, she cupped her palm around his cheek, leaning forward to bring her forehead to rest against his. She caressed her thumb over his cheek with a deep sigh, and her eyes fluttered shut.
"This is going to be a long night." Her voice was barely above a whisper but loud enough for Castle to hear her.
As much as he despised it, she was right. What had happened the last night and this morning had been wonderful, and what it had started was even better. But now, it was right to wait. He didn't care about Josh. But he cared about what would become of her and him more than anything. And it shouldn't start with any feeling of reluctance or regret.
In twenty, thirty, maybe even forty years, he wanted to be able to look back at the start of their relationship and feel nothing but joy. And for her, it should be exactly the same. And he knew that wasn't possible as long as she still felt in any way committed to another man.
He replied to her sigh with one of his own. "Yes, a very long night."
But he found that if she was allowed to touch his face, he could take hold of her hand, softly intertwining his fingers with hers. She didn't seem to mind and leaned a little closer into him and returned the squeeze of his hand.
"I really enjoyed this day, Castle." She mumbled.
A little surprised, he blinked at her. He didn't think she hadn't enjoyed it, but it surprised him that she felt the need to tell him.
"You did? I mean, obviously, me too."
Grinning, she stroked her thumb over his cheek again. "Yes. I did."
She wanted to tell him how much she had enjoyed their talks in the woods, learning about each other, opening up to each other. She wanted to tell him how much it meant to her what he thought of her, that it was the only opinion that mattered to her. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, but for none of them, she could find the words.
But instead of frustrating her, it made her smile softly. She didn't have to say it now. They would have time. Hopefully more time than they could ever fill. The thought caused her heart to make a little jump in her chest.
"It's late," she whispered. "We should still try to get some sleep."
Feeling his nod against her forehead, she slowly pulled away, catching a look of him in the very last bits of light, he was almost only a silhouette.
Without thinking about it, she leaned forward and brushed her lips to his cheek, barely touching the corner of his mouth. It wasn't passionate, nothing to induce anything more than her trying to express what she failed to say with words. Within a blink of an eye, he gently leaned into the feeling of her lips on his skin, savoring the warm and soft sensation they left. But much too soon, she pulled away again.
The rustling beside him told him she was lying down, more than he could see it. He started to do the same, pulling the blanket she had covered over herself over his body as well. Feeling the warmth of her body so close to him, he couldn't stop himself from reaching out for her.
He wouldn't try to sleep with her tonight. But that didn't mean he wouldn't try to hold her close if she would let him, no matter how tantalizing it might be, with desire still burning in his chest. The way she shifted her body to rest her back against his chest and found his hand lying in front of her body, leading it up to her face, told him it wasn't even a question to her.
Feeling her lips brush against the back of his hand, he inhaled her scent, so prominent in her hair but now mixed with a hint of smoke and wood. He would connect this smell to this new beginning forever, hoping what it had started would last just as long. Letting the breath escape again in a deep sigh, he felt no doubt that he never wanted to spend another night without her in his arms.