Author's note: I'm nearing the end of this fun little exercise, and I'm pleased to report my AO3 invite should come through sometime later this week. I will be moving over there to post my writing experiments, because frankly, the lack of engagement hasn't been particularly satisfying on this site. Of course, I realize it's been a few years since I've spent any time here and during that time it's apparently become a bit of a ghost town. So, I will be on to newer and (hopefully) better things!

Inside Me

It was a baptism by fire. And I was the phoenix rising from the ashes.

I crawled, a newly formed being, bit by bloody bit from my chrysalis. From the old ideologies that held sway over me. I broke free. I experienced an awakening. Through a cleansing flame I was reborn. I was made anew. I shed the skin of the old me. I was now ready to begin my quest for a new world, my search for a chosen people…

My chosen people. Not those monsters who paraded around in human skin...

I had no feelings of love for normal people. I saw them as less than. I saw them as unworthy. Unsightly. Unnecessary.

I saw them as monkeys.

They were an earthly scourge that plagued me, a writhing mass that kept me from my goals. Of a world made up of only sorcerers, of a world without curses.

Death became easy after I took that first initial step. After the scouring of the village I knew I could do what needed to be done. What was required. The simmering path of their ashes showed me the way…

First, I had to sever all ties. I had to be free. The new me could have no human attachments that conflicted with my goals. There was no place for them in my utopian vision.

I went to my parents' home.

I put it to the torch.

There was no place for them in my new world. No sympathy for them inside the new me. Logic dictated that I could show them no favoritism, no mercy. The purity of my vision didn't allow for it. I had to pursue my goal with the rightness, the righteousness of a just cause. I was now a tool of salvation, a creature set above an all too human world.

After that there was only one more tie left to sever, one last shackle to break.

You.

The strongest of all.

And the strongest of all my former ties. And the hardest one to break…

I knew the elders would sentence me to death once they had found out what I had done. I also knew who they would send to carry out the order of execution. I knew it would be you. And when I happened upon our dear friend Shoko hanging out on a crowded street in Shinjuku, I knew the moment had finally arrived…

"Any chance that it isn't true?" she queried.

"No, I'm afraid not." I answered cheerfully, with no hint of remorse.

We chatted as if we were still friends, still allies, even as she pulled out her phone to summon you here. Only seconds passed before your arrival. I guess you had finally mastered teleportation, yet another achievement to add to your already brimming arsenal. I knew there was absolutely no way I could defeat you in direct combat. It was impossible. There was only one way I could truly wound you. I knew what this required, and I accepted it. I not only had to let you go, I had to actively push you away. I had to force the issue, I had to make you hate me. I rallied all my resolve as you called me out in the middle of a packed public street.

"Explain yourself, Suguru." You meant for it to sound commanding, and for the most part it did, all but for a tiny, almost indiscernible hint of emotion quivering around the edges. A plea for understanding. No one else would have even noticed it. But I knew you. I knew when you were rattled, when you were covering. I knew.

"So you heard from Shoko then?" I ask innocently, feigning indifference.

"I heard you killed all those people. Why did you do it? Tell me you didn't do it! You always said…you always said it was wrong to kill people for no reason—"

"—Ah, but there is a reason." I interrupted, warming up to my new role, my new goal. "There is a very good reason. You see, I'm going to create a world without humans, a world of only sorcerers. That is my reason and that's all there is to it—

"WHAT?" You looked dumbfounded. You sputtered, "So that's it? You're just going to kill everyone that's not a sorcerer? That's ridiculous! And not only ridiculous, but impossible—"

"How arrogant," I hissed at you without raising my voice. I began to feel it welling up inside me. The anger. The resentment. The envy. I felt it all start to boil over. All the pain and injustice and despair I had been experiencing for the past several months came frothing up to the surface, spilling forth like a toxic stream out into the crowded sidewalk.

"How dare you!" I gritted accusingly. "How dare you say that to me! How dare you tell me it's impossible when you yourself have the ability to make it possible? If I were you, it would be more than possible." I laughed mirthlessly at your crestfallen expression. "If I were you…if I had your power I could make it a reality in no time!"

You jerked back like I had struck you a physical blow. There was obvious hurt in your eyes, and in my spiral into absolute darkness, I relished it.

I relished hurting you in that moment.

I knew I had to keep pushing you, keep pressing, even as other emotions threatened me from the shadows, crowding in from the secluded harbor of my memory. Of you laughing with me at the basketball court. Of your smile as we went out for soba. Of you lounging in my bed, leaning so far in until our noses touched, of me knowing that no one else was allowed to get this close to you, and how lucky I was that it was me, only me, who ever saw you like this—

Stop it!

Stop thinking about it!

Cut the ties, break the chain.

Shatter those bonds of love.

"Are you the strongest because you are Gojo Satoru or are you Gojo Satoru because you are the strongest?" I asked mockingly. I wanted my words to break you. I did. I wanted to see that confidence rattled, your worldview shaken.

I had to break from you in order to free myself from you. To do otherwise would mean resigning myself to a life lived in your shadow, forever the lesser being…

"This is madness, Suguru. We exist to help people, to save people! You taught me that! Why are you saying this?" The plea in your voice, the audible mix of disbelief, betrayal, desperation. And underneath, it sounded like—

Come back to me! Don't leave…

Don't go…

I turned my back on you then. Despite the danger I knew you posed. "Go on. Do it. Kill me if you must," I invited without emotion. "There would be a good reason for that, too." I started walking away. I waited for your response. I waited for penance, for punishment. For death.

It never came.

Because in the end love stayed your hand, as I knew it would.

Up next: a short epilogue.