Chapter 89

Clarke was sitting in the clinic with her mother going over some of the medical charts of those with them. Now that they were only numbering just over four hundred. She knew that Niylah, Jackson and her mother would have their hands full. She didn't mind helping out in the clinic. She actually preferred it over trying to be the leader, but she also didn't want Madi trying to lead on her own. The other reason that she wanted to help out was because she wanted to spend time with her mother. She missed her, and she knew that her mother was still trying to make up for whatever sins she'd committed in the bunker.

Winter was coming fast, and they needed to be ready. She was grateful for the things that Palla was providing for them, but that didn't mean that they didn't need to figure things out of their own. Echo had gotten with some of the jusgona and some of the former Azgeda to help them bulk up on things that some of the others might not be thinking about. She was grateful for all the help, and she was learning about it all with Madi and mother, too. They were prepared, and now they just had to make it through the Snows.

Abby was in her room sleeping. Nothing much was going on, so Clarke was working on the charts. It was simple and tedious, but it would help them pass the time. This also helped Clarke learn more about the people that were following Madi. She was also checking up on the charts from Raven.

She was thankful for Sam and Meeka's complete transparency and thorough notes. It helped her see how her friend was doing, but she had to admit that Raven was more than that. She thought of the Latina as a sister. She was worried about more now that she just couldn't go see her. She hadn't thought about what the separation would do to her in that respect.

It was bringing up memories of being the Valley again with just Madi. Only this time they were on Helios, and the Village was only so far away. The Snows had started and it meant that they wouldn't be able to see each other until the Thaw, if they wanted to stay safe. Clarke had lived through a lot, but after hearing Palla speak about the depth of Winter and the cold, she wasn't just going to go inviting frostbite so she could physically be near Raven. She could at least talk to her through the comm devices and tablets. She also wasn't alone. She had people all around her, including Diyoza.

"What's up, Mini-Mom?" Diyoza asked as she sat down in a chair, gingerly, across from Clarke.

"Should you be out of bed?"

"Two more weeks and my little Hope will be here," Diyoza replied, purposefully not answering the question.

"All the more reason you should rest now," Clarke told her.

"And, when will you rest, Wanheda?"

Clarke looked at her. She knew that Diyoza only called her by the title when she was trying to push something. It was like when the Hundred started calling her Princess in the beginning, before it became a badge of honor in a way. Diyoza used it as a slight, but it wasn't meant to be dishonorable. She used to push Clarke. The Colonel was one of the few that understood the sacrifices and pains that a leader dealt with. She also knew what it meant to follow others.

"I rest, Diyoza. We have the time now. Trust me," Clarke answered.

"Instead of actually doing something other than working, you are in here doing what? Looking at charts? Reviewing Raven's progress? You aren't resting, Clarke. You're deflecting. You've been fighting and in charge for so long that you need to keep moving. You need to find a way to just be and be still."

"Like meditation?" Clarke questioned.

"There's that, but you could find Little Bit and play a game. I'm sure if you asked Indra or one of those guards that follows you and Little Bit around would work with you on your fighting skills. Not saying that you need it, but it couldn't hurt, right? I mean, we both know that you could talk your way out of most of anything and you have a good mind for warfare, but you've never actually had to fight fight," Diyoza answered.

"You want me to become warrior?"

"Aren't you already in the minds of most of ... what are they calling it now? Oh, yeah, Gryfonkru. They respect you. They follow you like you are a general. You plan like one. You think like one. Would it hurt to be able to fight like one? Don't you believe in leading from the front?" Diyoza asked her.

"Why does this matter to you all of the sudden?"

"It doesn't. You know that I support you and Little Bit. I know a good thing when I see it. And, like you, I think that it is a little weird that a thirteen year old is leading us, but the people don't. They see her as some sort of deity and you are her mother. It doesn't matter that you aren't the one that gave birth to her, you raised her. You taught her. You fight with her. She calls you...nomon. They respect you as more than her mother, too. You are the legendary Wanheda. I am not sure what that means to them in their pantheon of gods and such, but it seems like you up there with Little Bit."

"You want them to be scared of me?"

"No, I want them to trust you completely," Diyoza replied. "They are in awe of you. They follow you because some of them are scared of you. They've seen what you are capable of doing when you get angry. The guard..."

"The jusgona," Clarke added.

"They are the blood warriors sworn to protect Heda from all threats," Clarke replied.

"Yeah, I know. They are her own little royal guard. And, we both know that it was started because you wanted to make sure that she was safe. You even asked Octavia to be one of the first with Echo. You've made sure that she was protected, just as much as she made sure that you are. It shows that you care about each other, but you haven't even tried to train to fight. She's up every morning working out with the jusgona and Indra, even Gaia, and trust me that Little Bit could take on an army by herself if she wanted. She's like Might Mouse. It's incredible," Diyoza explained.

"Mighty Mouse?"

"It was a cartoon from before the bombs. But, it is ... I can't explain it more than the mouse was a superhero and was called Mighty Mouse. She's like in some respects. She's small, young, and seems to be innocent, and uninfluential. But, she is so much more. She is inspiration. She is the leader of all our people. She is a warrior, and her size doesn't matter. She can take on someone twice her size and throw them like a rag doll. She's proud of who and what she is, just like she's proud of you, but I think that there is still part of her that looks to you for validation. So, she trains harder and longer than most. She's trying to compensate for something, and you both know what it is."

"Lexa..." Clarke harshly whispered.

"See. You need to do something to show her that you care. Training would do that. She thinks that she has to be better than Lexa was. I don't know what all happened before we showed and to be honest, I haven't really tried to find out. It isn't really my business. But that girl worships the ground you walk on. I know that you are a healer, but you're a warrior, too. It couldn't hurt to train a little, maybe even with her," Diyoza told her.

"And, what do you get out of it?"

"Well, the way I figure, nothing. But, it seems that the obvious thing that if something happens to Little Bit that you will be the next in command. And, since there aren't anymore of the black bloods among our people, save you, it will really all fall to you if Madi falls," Diyoza explained and raised her hand before Clarke could launch herself over the desk at her. "I'm not wishing anything ill to happen to the child. I hope she lives a long and peaceful life here. Actually, I want her to, because if she does, then Hope will, too. I don't know if you've thought about all that or not, but you are still a leader. You need to think about things like that. You also need to find a way to relax. You're way to uptight with nothing to fight. I'd suggest you find someone to ... help you ease your tention, but I heard what happened the last time that you did that."

"And, what was that?"

"I'm pretty sure that Octavia still bears the marks on her back," Diyoza replied with a large smirk.

Clarke couldn't help the blush that crossed her face. She cocked her eyebrow at Diyoza in defiance, though. She wasn't going to give the older woman the satisfaction of causing her a small amount of shame. She wasn't ashamed of what happen, and neither was Octavia. And, she definitely wasn't ashamed of what happened between her, Octavia and Niylah, either. But, that ship had sailed. Octavia and Niylah were together now and Clarke wasn't going to do anythign to jeopardize that. She loved them both too much to do that, no matter how tense she was.

"Yeah, well, O isn't here and she's with someone else now," Clarke answered. "You volunteering?"

Diyoza just laughed.

"Like you would go for the heavily pregnant woman," Diyoza replied.

"Are you doubting your prowess now, Colonel?" Clarke countered.

"This is why I like you. You've got wit and sass. But, it is time for you to find something or someone to get the tension out. You're about to burst and not in a good way. I get it though. Pickings are slim, but that doesn't mean that you can't test drive a few until you find the one that you want," Diyoza stated.

"So you suggest a good fuck?"

"It's better than Tai Chi or meditation," Diyoza quipped.

Clarke laughed. She sat the tablets that she'd been studying down on the table. She looked at Diyoza and saw the mirth in her eyes.

"So, then pray tell, who do you have your eye on?" Clarke asked her.

"I mean does it really matter?"

"So, there is someone," Clarke continued to tease her.

"There could be, and we both know that it would be leagues better than McCreery."

"Anything would be better than him," Clarke added. "But, seriously. You've been on Helios for months now. No one strikes your fancy?"

"Like I said, there could be someone, but I doubt that I'll do anything about it."

"Why not? You understand my belief that life should be about more than just surviving. So, even you deserve to be happy, Charmaine. You've proven yourself to be an ally. I am sure that any of the warriors of Wonkru would find you a worthy woman to be with."

"It isn't about being worthy," Diyoza replied.

"Then what is it?"

"Why would they want to raise a murder's child?" Charmaine asked.

"Let me tell you a little about the people of Wonkru. Maybe it is something that you haven't heard before, maybe it is. Either way, you are forgetting that they don't subscribe to the same belief systems that you or I were raised with. They especially don't see relationships the same way that they did before the bombs. They believe that every day is a treasure and if you find someone to share it with, you should consider yourself lucky. Any man or woman would be proud to be with you. You have a substantial warrior's prowess and you proved your worth to Madi, who holds you in high esteem, even you aren't technically one of her people. They knew that you've bent the knee, Charmaine, but you still keep yourself and the other prisoners separate. You've made yourself a type of militia for Wonkru, but aren't trying to join it. I understand that. But, whether you want it or not, you are a part of Wonkru, and so will Hope. You will teach her about the world before the bombs, and we will teach about the world after, but together she would learn about this new world with all of us. I am not saying that you have to find someone, but no one would blame you if you did. So, if there is someone, talk to them. I'm sure that they might surprise you."

"Well, then, what is your excuse?" Diyoza challenged her.