All characters from Divergent belong to Veronica Roth as well as all characters from Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing except my version of events.

A/N: I went MIA again (I say it as if you haven't noticed *Que eye roll*). I've already said this way too many times at this point but I really am sorry. Holidays are just always overwhelming for me, so instead of writing like I should have been, I instead took the time off to read a few books.

(Side note: Ok so I tried this dark bully romance called Evil Boys and I couldn't finish it, I think I got halfway and called it quits. I was honestly waiting for these evil boys to have some type of redeeming qualities but I gave up before finding out if the author would eventually get there or not. I guess dark bully romances just aren't my thing. I'm more of a 'man who will move heaven and earth if his girl asked him to', ya know? Anyway I really shouldn't be wasting my word count on this note since this chapter is already incredibly long, but I just had to share that tid bit with you guys.)

Fair warning for this chapter, even I'm not a fan of Bella by the end, but our girl still has a lot to learn and love is never as easy as we wish it to be. So bear with me as we get closer to the end.

Oh, and I'm so excited my story stats are finally back up after missing for over three months. It fills me with great happiness there are a lot of you still out there reading my stories.

And thank you all for sticking with me on this one, as always.

Chapter 30 Self-Control

The next day we leave the Factionless sector.

Camille and a few of her men joining us on the trek back to Candor. We hadn't meant for Candor to be our main base of operations but it seemed like the most neutral place to be.

I wasn't necessarily fond of Jack's love for the old traditional ways, and therefore wasn't thrilled with being there, but it was a necessary evil. One I would have to ignore for now but a matter to discuss later on…

After the war...

If we survived.

"You and Camille seemed awfully friendly this morning." Tobias comments from beside me as we walk, eyeing Camille who was now walking with Max and Caius up ahead.

I almost smirk at him in amusement having expected this reaction out of him long ago. He'd caught us talking earlier in the morning, noticing the familiarity in which we did so, and growing suspicious because of it. He hadn't had the opportunity to question me about it at the time but now he did, and he wasn't going to waste it.

I casually shrug a shoulder instead. "I found a chance to talk to her last night." I inform him. "She's a lot different than I thought she would be… strong." I admit.

He arches a brow in interest, clearly curious as to why I was suddenly showing so much respect for someone who came from the Factionless sector.

I release a sigh, bracing myself to explain my thought process to get him to understand. "Think about it, Tobias." I encourage, hoping he'd see what I have. "They came from nothing. Built everything they have now from nothing. Spurned by the faction they'd once freely chosen for themselves but not letting it stop them. It didn't stop her. She fought for a better life and persevered, creating a livable place for not only herself but for all of those once rejected as her. It's admirable."

He stayed quiet for a moment thinking over my words.

In the past, I admit I've always referred to the Factionless in a derisive tone, thinking myself better than them because I'd been 'strong enough' to pass initiation.

But it was all out of fear. We all knew what the alternative would be. All our lives we'd been taught becoming Factionless was the ultimate death sentence. A failure that would curse us to live the rest of our lives without a home and without a family.

I was ignorant then, close minded, blinded by what others compelled me to believe.

I should have known better… and now I do. The world was changing and I was too.

"What are you planning?" He inquires sharply, sensing there was more than a simple change in perspective brewing behind this discussion. He would know of course. He knew me well. Instinctively sensing the shift in me and recognizing the set of my shoulders and the look of unmovable determination in my expression.

So I told him everything I'd discussed with Camille the night before, sharing how I'd inadvertently found an ally in her and hoping, he too, would join us in the fight.

"I'm in." He says almost immediately, having searched my face and reading my thoughts like words on a page. He knew I wouldn't ever be able to let this go. Not now when I'd found my new purpose. "I figured you had come to that conclusion since before we left Candor, but it's more clear to me now. And you're right, Bella. We can't continue to live caged in within the Faction system anymore. Things have changed and it's time we changed with it."

I squeeze his hand in gratefulness as we continue to walk, always so thankful to have him faithfully by my side.

"It won't be easy." He states what I've accepted since the thought first entered my mind.

I throw him a cheeky smile, "Is anything ever?"

He gives me a nod of acceptance. Nothing in our lives has ever been easy and this wouldn't be any different, we were both more than used to the struggle. We both knew how hard we'd fought to get to where we were today. It hadn't been easy but we'd done it together and we would do it again and again. No matter how many times we needed to.

We stayed quiet for some time, both thinking over what a huge endeavor this would be for us.

I enjoyed the quiet while we had it, but it wasn't long before I remembered another pressing matter we needed to discuss, touching a deeply sensitive topic.

"So I've noticed something strange." I tell Tobias, slowing my walk to create some distance between us and the rest of the team. "I've been too apprehensive to speak of, but… Marcus has been missing from Abnegation leadership since we've been back."

I instantly feel the energy around him thicken at my inquiry. It was why I had been too afraid to bring up in the first place, but I knew I had too. I also knew he'd probably already asked around and was fully aware of the reason.

"I asked Dad." He admits, looking away from me for a moment before we connect eyes again. "They removed him from leadership."

I almost trip on my own two feet at his pronouncement. "What do you mean? How?"

Tobias releases a long exhausted breath as if the truth were more than he could bear. "After mom and dad found out we went missing they confronted Marcus. He was the only one they were aware of, at the time, for having a reason to get rid of us. When Marcus claimed he didn't know they didn't believe him. Instead they decided to approach the rest of the leaders to tell them the truth of what happened to me all those years ago."

My jaw drops in surprise. No way had I thought my parents would ever do that without Tobias' explicit consent. "They believed them?"

He nods solemnly.

I blink back at him in shock, more confused than ever. "But he was their faction leader, revered by all… How could they have possibly believed them so easily?"

He lifts his hand and runs it over his face in agitation. "Apparently Marcus has been covertly threatening the other leaders in the council over the years, bullying them into compliance. The others in the council believed Dad and Andrew Prior were in on it too. Marcus had alluded to it. But when mom and dad revealed the truth of the past they realized Marcus had been lying to them all along. They stood with them then."

I'm completely shell shocked over the news. So much had happened without us becoming aware of it. Why hadn't we seen that in Volterra? Aro must have purposely kept that from transmitting through the screens… but why?… I shake my head to get rid of those wayward thoughts, focusing on the news over Marcus' demise, irked that I hadn't been there to see it for myself.

Growing up I'd dreamt of the day Tobias would find the strength to confront Marcus himself, to finally put an end to Marcus' rein by making him pay for what he had done. It never happened and now it never would, my brother had been unceremoniously stripped from that opportunity.

"So what happened to Marcus?"

"He's being detained in Abnegation. They were planning to put him through the serum trial but then the whole Jeanine thing broke out and it's been forgotten."

I frown at his conclusion. "So he's still there? Awaiting trial?"

"As far as I know, yes."

I remain quiet for a moment. Not really knowing what to say. Now wasn't the time to stay mute though, I had to make sure Tobias was mentally okay with it. I was also afraid he would be angry at our parents for going against his word. They'd vowed to keep that secret forever, to never speak of it again, but life had taken it out of Tobias' hands completely and the truth was now all out in the open.

So I grab his hand tightly in mine and ask, "How do you feel about that?"

"Not great."

Understandable, but from the look on his face I was more concerned over his state of mind. How upset he seemed to be for Marcus' inevitable fate.

"It's not why you think." He clarifies noticing my worry, clenching his jaw as his eyes stray away from my face looking for the right words to explain. "I hate that everyone knows now... of what I went through as a child..." He says lowly, painfully. "I wish they didn't know that I–" He cuts himself off, biting his tongue as if he were too afflicted to continue.

I hear it clear as day, the shame in his voice, it weaves around my heart and tightens it painfully. I knew he always felt it but I was also aware he would never admit to it. I suspected it was more for my benefit than his, he knew what I would do in response. That I would irrationally find a way to make Marcus pay for what he'd done no matter the consequence to myself. But now it's as if he had lost the strength to hide it, to pretend like he was okay when he was so broken beyond repair.

It angered me more than anything ever would. My brother had no reason to feel shame over anything.

"So what if they know?" I question bluntly.

He flinches away from me like I'd physically slapped him. Hurt pouring out of him assuming incorrectly I'd misunderstood the real reason as to why he felt that way.

"There's no shame in what you went through, Tobias." I correct. "It would have broken anyone. But it didn't break you." I champion. "You pushed on. You made a life for yourself in Dauntless and accomplished so much in such a short time. You paved the way for me, did everything in your power to make it easier for me than it had been for you. It's nothing short of outstanding. After your mother was gone, he was the one person who should have been there to support you, to show you what love really was and what that meant in the wake of such a deep loss, to show you the pure definition of what unconditional love means. Marcus is the one that failed you, Tobias. Anyone else would have broken in that same situation, but it never broke you. You never stopped loving, you never stopped caring. You loved me like your sister, Charlie and Renee as you parents, and it never stopped you from loving Tris even when you thought it was an impossibility. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. Don't let Marcus take that away from you, not now, not ever."

He abruptly stops walking, and I stop with him, silently waiting for his reaction.

I release a stunned gasp when he pulls me into his arms, squeezing me tightly as if he'd needed to hear those words of affirmation from me.

I snuggle into him.

My brother was many things, and not one of them was a coward. He'd gone through hell and back and survived, and there was no way I would ever let him think otherwise.

"I love you, Bell." He says thickly, his voice gruff with emotion.

"I love you too." I say just as passionately, squeezing him just as tightly.

He couldn't possibly imagine how many times his love for me had saved me. Of how much his unwavering love and loyalty had impacted my own life. I wouldn't be where I was today if it weren't for him.

I pull away and smile up at him as I squeeze his hand in mine for a moment, before I playfully tug on it so he can continue walking with me. "But we can't stay here and hug all day, Brother. We got shit to do." I rally, quickening my steps to catch up to the rest of our team, who hadn't even noticed we were missing… thankfully.

He rolls his eyes but follows along, a small smile gracing his lips as he refuses to release my hand while we make our way back.

I knew my words wouldn't fix everything. He still had so much more to overcome, but whatever else he needed to face I would be right there with him, and so would Tris. Tobias would never be alone again.

Before I know it the Candor building looms high overhead. Even from this far I can see a lone figure anxiously waiting just outside of the entrance, his bronze hair shining with the suns reflection bouncing off the glass wall behind him.

He shouldn't be there by himself, it wasn't safe… we really needed to have a serious conversation about leaving himself so out in the open like that.

I quicken my steps to reach him, and as I get closer scanning his expression I feel a rush of anticipation shoot through my body.

Tobias quickens his pace too. Sensing what I have as soon as we'd caught sight of him.

"We found them." Edward says as soon as I'm in hearing distance.

"Found it?" I ask immediately.

He glances behind me and notices the other leaders catching up, including the ones who obviously look to be Factionless. He bites the inside of his cheek as his eyes shift back to mine, his eyebrows slightly lifting in question.

I nod at him in confirmation.

If the Factionless were going to join us in this war, then they needed to be just as informed as the rest of us were. We needed to show them we were open to including them in our plans and this seemed like the perfect place to start.

"The weapons." He almost shouts, his body bursting in excitement while he bounces on the balls of his feet.

"That's great news!" I say, glancing to my side at Max who had now joined us.

I can see his eyes filling in excitement too, tempering it as he looks around himself at the buildings surrounding Candor in suspicion. "Let's take this inside." He says cautiously.

We all nod in agreement and make our way into the building.

Everyone in the first floor turns as one as they cautiously watch us entering, their eyes widening in inevitable surprise when they realize people from the Factionless are walking in with us. The whispering begins like a buzzing of bees as we continue to walk through heading towards the elevators in the back.

"What a warm welcome."

I press my lips tightly to stop myself from smiling at Camille's unexpected sarcasm. To somewhat appease her I look over my shoulder at her and say, "Warmer than mine. At least all of Dauntless isn't pointing their guns straight at your face ready to blow your brains out."

We enter the elevator and Max grunts unhappily at my comment. "You came in an alien flying machine, Bella. What the hell did you expect?"

I chuckle this time. Pleased to see Max hadn't lost his humor after everything that's happened.

Camille watches our interaction in interested, probably confused with how fondly Max is speaking to me now. Her eyes land on me in the end and I discreetly wink at her before walking out of the elevator once we reach Jack's floor.

I'm not surprised to see the man waiting for us just outside his office. I'm also not expecting a warm welcome.

He doesn't disappoint when his judgmental eyes immediately scan Camille and her associates from head to toe, clear disgust in his expression as he does. Once he's done Jack's eyes finally shift to Max, "We're gathering the rest of the leaders in the conference room."

I resist the urge to demand respect on Camille's behalf. The only thing stopping me is the knowledge that Camille was more than capable of doing it herself.

Out of all the leaders Jack had been the one most repelled by the idea of making contact with the Factionless. The other leaders had been apprehensive but not totally opposed. I was hoping his open dislike of her wouldn't interfere in our decision making process but I wasn't overly confident. Petty squabbles weren't exactly something we had time to waste on.

Max wisely ignores his foul mood too and nods, "Good, there's many issues needed to be discussed. Have you been briefed on what's been found in Erudite?"

His eyes shift to Camille again, as if not wanting to say too much in front of her. "Briefly." He states shortly.

Sensing Max has forgotten to introduce our guests I decide to step in. "Jack, meet Camille, the leader of the Factionless. She has graciously agreed to provide her help along with that of her people." I say, emphasizing the fact that Camille was here to willingly help us and therefore that required him to show some level of respect.

He looks like a petulant child when he begrudgingly lifts his hand to greet her, strictly his own ingrained etiquette as Candor's leader prompting him to do so. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." Camille's answer comes out just as forced, though she's better at hiding it than Jack is.

"Camille and her guests will be staying with us for the foreseeable future. I would appreciate it if you could get some of your people to handle their sleeping arrangements."

His head whips in my direction looking at me in surprise.

I almost frown at his reaction. All of the leaders of the other factions were staying here in Candor as well, so I was curious to know what made him think the leader of the Factionless wouldn't do the same.

He looks ready to refuse but there's a steady stream of leaders passing through heading to the conference room, their eyes looking on in interest as they filter in. He knows how highly inappropriate it would be to openly refused my request. He couldn't risk losing the favorable opinion he held with the other leaders over something so petty… at least I didn't think he would.

"Of course." He finally says, motioning for us to head into the conference room. "I will get it all arranged by the time the meeting is over."

You fucking better.

I trade an annoyed look with Tobias. Meanwhile he just shakes his head at me with an amused expression on his face that shows his approval.

By the time we make it inside everyone is already seated. I take my seat closest to my dad whose eyes shine bright with pride as he witnesses the Factionless leader entering with us.

Andrew Prior, who's apparently taken the position of head Abnegation leader, and Johanna from Amity, nod at Camille in welcome as she's introduced by Max.

Currently there has been no leader appointed to replace Jeanine, and since she'd previously taken more of a dictator role, there were only two other minor Erudite leaders left. Apparently neither one had been aware of her plans and therefore had very little knowledge of anything else. We'd only included them in our plans to keep the peace. We did not want to appear as though we were taking our revenge against Jeanine out on their faction. After all, it wasn't their fault their leader had gone absolutely bananas. Either way, it had proven to be no trouble at all when they mostly kept to themselves, remaining quiet during meetings.

"Carlisle." Max calls, wordlessly asking him to take the stage. He was eager to get the ball rolling. To be honest, so was I. We needed to know if we stood a chance in this war.

Carlisle stands and pulls up a large black duffle bag, I hadn't previously noticed, from beside him placing it on the table in front of him. "It's a neuro disruptor." He explains, pulling an enormous looking gun from the bag. It's all in a white sleek glossy paint with a big barrel at the end. Multiple knobs and dials on the side which come to life when Carlisle fiddles with them, a green electric current now running throughout its casing. "Merely stuns its opponents on the lower levels but as it increases… it can practically disintegrate a body… or multiple bodies depending on another adjustment here." The color intensifies a brighter green when he turns up the dial until there's an audible buzzing filling the room.

Carlisle lifts his other hand holding a remote control, pointing it towards the wall in front of us. It lights up a screen transmitting a video, a virtual predicted outcome of the effects of the weapon when switched between modes. "I found this in one of the files hidden in Janine's labs underground."

Holy shit.

Everyone looks just as stunned as I am by the news, and by the looks on the two leaders of Erudite it's obvious they were as equally unaware. The stunned silence continues as we watch the weapon in action. I'm both terrified and awed at the same time. With this in our hands we could definitely stand a real chance against Volterra. It wouldn't be simple wishful thinking anymore.

Max shares the same sentiment, but by the look on the Abnegation leader's faces, they don't appear as impressed.

It stops us short of a celebration.

"Dear god." Andrew whispers in dismay. There's a similar look of horror on my father's face as he watches on.

Was Jeanine planning on using these weapons to destroy Abnegation?

The sad truth is the answer is probably a resounding Yes.

Max clears his throat loudly and Carlisle takes the message turning the screen off. "How many?"

"A hundred, but still many more in production."

"Can you continue?"

"If you all agree we can gather the materials needed and continue manufacturing expeditiously. The only reason it took so long to finish the first hundred is because Jeanine had been forced to hide the movement of material slowly and in small quantities to remain under the radar."

Secrecy. If it weren't for her sneaky underhanded ways Abnegation would not be standing here today.

"Tell us what you need." Max orders.

They go on to a lengthy discussion then, eventually moving on to how the Dauntless group is doing. But I'm too distracted watching my father's look of distress to pay too much attention.

"You ok?" I finally decide to ask.

He turns to look at me and shakes his head. "People never learn from the past, do they?" He asks, his brows furrowed deeply in worry.

He surprises me with that question. I guess I wasn't the only one questioning the world around me anymore. "Unfortunately, no. Seems like humanity is doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again." I agree, I couldn't contradict him when he was more than right.

All this time Aro had wanted to keep us in control by segregating us into factions to prevent disorder. Yet we still found a way to rebel, in a wrong, less productive kind of way but rebel nonetheless. I hated Jeanine even more for this, but at the same time I couldn't help but to feel somewhat thankful that her maniacal mind had created something that would, in the end, help us protect ourselves from complete destruction.

"But we stand a chance now." I remind him.

He nods but still looks perturbed as the planning continues around us.

I know I hadn't assuaged his worries but it was the best I could do for now and so I get up and move to the back taking a water from the fridges, the closest thing to a break as I could get while still in hearing distance. I stay where I am leaning my head back against the wall, releasing an exhausted breath.

It's not long after, Alec moves to lean against the wall beside me. "Everything alright?"

Drained, I roll my head along the wall to look up at him, throwing him a reassuring smile, or what I hope translates as a reassuring smile. "Yeah, just tired of sitting."

"Yeah, my ass is numb too."

I chuckle lowly. He'd been standing guard by the door since the start of the meeting so I knew he was just trying to lighten my mood. I appreciated the effort. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask…" I start, using the opportunity to ask something I've contemplated since leaving Volterra. "I haven't seen Felix around, have you?"

Alec's head swivels to me so fast I'm surprised his neck doesn't break at the action. "Eric didn't tell you?"

I roll my eyes in slight annoyance, "I haven't exactly been in talking terms with Eric. You know that."

I see his Adam's apple bob up and down painfully, as if dreading my reaction to what he was going to say next. I was about to yell at him to spit it out before I lost my patience when he finally speaks.

"He's dead, Bella." At the look of distress on my face his own face falls, his expression quickly turning into sympathy. I hate that look more than anything. "He'd been assigned to get Carlisle out of the labs and rendezvous with Eric and Caius. They were the two most important people, besides you four, to rescue out of Volterra first. It's why their aircraft left even before ours took flight. Eric hadn't trusted anyone but Felix to get Carlisle out, but when they finally met up a group of Aro's men intercepted their escape, blocking the only exit to the airfield. Felix stayed behind, Bella, facing the group of soldiers on his own to give Eric an opening to get Carlisle and Caius out to safety... He never made it out."

I wordlessly blink back at him, stunned into silence.

Incertitude begins seeping into my consciousness, confused as to how I should feel at the news.

I shouldn't feel anything right?

Felix had lied to me, been a part of the farce along with Eric since I met him...

So why did the thought of never seeing Felix again hurt so much, making my chest ache in grief and sorrow?

I clear my throat and look around myself as if I could find the answers to how I should feel painted on the walls surrounding me. Of course I see nothing. My eyes only see the other faction leaders continuing on, oblivious to the turmoil within me.

"Bella…" Alec starts quietly.

I shake my head and clear my throat. "I'm fine." I assure, surprised to find my voice sounding more composed than I felt. "It's not like it matters anyway." I conclude, and I don't know who I'm trying to convince more, him or me.

Alec gives me a look like he knows I feel more than I'm allowing to show. He hesitates for a moment, thoughtfully considering his next words.

I don't give him the opportunity. I don't need his opinion on the matter.

"I need to step outside for a moment." I whisper.

He's still frowning down at me in worry but he nods nonetheless, accepting my need to process this on my own.

I move quietly, slowly, in order not to catch anyone's attention, especially not Tobias'. I just needed some space, to be somewhere on my own to let my mind find some clarity.

I somehow hit the same stairwell I had the other day with Eric. Except this time he's not here to stop me from continuing forward. I take the stairs two at a time, almost at sprint, needing the exertion. To feel like I had control over how my body reacted to my own purposeful movements when I am now becoming so sickeningly familiar with the feeling of being so out of control all the time.

I reach all the way to the top and push the stair doors open focusing my attention on the new space around me. I push past the enclosed, floor-to-ceiling glass room I find myself in, to reach the outdoors. The wind immediately whipping me in the face.

I don't mind it one bit.

It wakes me up, clears my head for a moment, giving me the breath I desperately needed to fill my lungs again.

I let it surround me, finding comfort in it. I hadn't noticed before but the air here was much different to Volterra's. I wondered if it was my own imagination playing tricks on me. If the air in Volterra was really as dark and oppressive as I remembered it to be or if it was just my own mind's interpretation of how stifled I felt there.

The air I breath in now is cleaner, the skies clearer. I can see the sun setting in front of me as I let my eyes and skin soak up the last of its rays.

I didn't spend enough time outside and my skin sure showed it. I was pale, my skin almost translucent with the lack of sunlight gracing its surface. I just never had the opportunity to. Even in Dauntless we were kept inside, confined to the coldness of the stone walls and cold breeze coming from the chasm. Not a single splash of color present. From the gray to beige coloring of the stone walls and the black everyone wore, there were no other distinguishable colors in sight.

It had never bothered me before, but suddenly it all seemed so… oppressive.

So I decided to enjoy the little semblance of freedom I felt now. Opening my eyes and taking in the scenery in front of me, watching the different colors swirling in the sky above me. Orange, red, yellow, blue, the colors merging together, creating more colors… the blue becoming progressively darker the longer time passed… hints of purple blending within the color around it.

It was stunning.

I walk and bend forward, leaning my forearms on the glass railing in front of me protecting me from completely pitching forward to my death. I release a long breath and take in another, allowing my body to relax as it performs its basic functioning for survival. It was nice to be alone again, to not have eyes on me when there always seemed to be these days. Whether it was people from back home watching me with curiosity, people from Volterra watching me in expectation like I had the answers to life itself, or from my family watching over me to make sure I wasn't about to fall apart. It was overwhelming.

Adding to this suffocating feeling I was drowning in on and off throughout the day.

And now I had one more thing adding to this insurmountable weight. A grief I wasn't sure I was supposed to feel at all. For a moment it took me back to Dauntless, to the day after Tris had been attacked and her once friend, Al, had chosen death instead of facing the consequences of his own actions. I'd told Tris she shouldn't cry for someone who had betrayed her, someone weak who had proven to not be her friend in the end. It had seemed like such a weakness at the time.

I now felt like such a hypocrite.

Felix hadn't been my friend in the end but I was still grieving him. He'd lied to me about who he was, dragging me along with a false belief just like Eric had. He'd lied about why he'd become my friend and therefore the basis of our friendship had all been a lie. He'd joined us for one specific reason. To make sure I remained alive, no matter if I made it with a few scrapes and bruises along the way... deep bruises that no one but me could see.

He once saved me from Marlene, but now that I knew the truth it didn't have the same meaning as it did before. His lies erased everything that once meant something to me, now making me doubt what he had been to me all along.

But knowing that he was lost to me now, I couldn't stop myself from remembering the sound of his voice. The way he laughed when he was messing with the boys, his voice reverberating off of the cavernous walls of Dauntless as it echoed around us. How easily he could rile Uriah up for a fight. How encouraging he had been towards Jared when he had voiced his self-doubt over his own abilities. Felix had reassured him in any way he could, and not just with words but with actions too. Going out of his way to train with Jared harder the next day. Offering his body to take the damage even when he knew he had a fight to stay strong for the following day. It weakened him but it had never mattered to him, not in the same way it would have someone else. But Felix had cared. He didn't need to protect Jared like he had to protect me but he'd done it anyway.

And maybe that should speak more of him than the truth he'd kept from me… from us.

My friends were completely unaware of Felix's fate, but I knew once they found out they would openly grieve him, having forgiven him his lies long ago. It was a discussion I had loathed to have at the time but after the emotional confrontation with Eric, I had taken the time to entrust my friends with the truth, telling them everything that had transpired while I'd been away. They'd been initially stunned but hadn't appeared too hurt by Felix's lies. Not like I had been when I'd first seen him in Volterra.

At the time I'd been disgruntled over their lack of reaction, so different from what I had expected. I thought they would be just as hurt as I had been, but they'd only expressed their concern over his absence. I too had been concerned for a brief moment but it had faded into the background with everything else going on.

I was ashamed of it now, disgusted with myself that it had taken me this long to enquire about him because of my own reproachful feelings.

I suddenly hear footsteps behind me and I look over my shoulder, watching Alec approaching slowly. It's then I notice the background looked much darker than it had a mere second ago, or what felt like a second ago when in reality it had been much longer than that. The night sneaking up on me without me taking notice.

He mimics my stance, looking straight ahead at the night sky surrounding us.

I smile and shake my head, giving up and letting my head fall against his shoulder. Even that small human connection managed to infuse a bit of warmth back into me. The man knew how to be a calming presence in my life. How he'd managed to do that in such a short time since I've met him, I will never know...

"I don't know if I've said this before but... it's weird to find myself on the other side of the screen." He says thoughtfully.

"They're not watching us anymore." I correct.

"I know but... it's still so surreal."

I nod in understanding. "I get what you mean. I felt the same way when I was in Volterra."

"Except you had been on that screen your entire life and without your knowledge, so it was much different."

I hummed quietly. I didn't want to remember the feeling. What was the point? It was what it was and there was nothing I could do to change it.

"I'm sorry about Felix."

"Me too." I painfully admit.

And I was sorry. Sorry I had been too stubborn to give him the chance to explain before I shut him out of my life completely. Now he was gone and I would never get the chance to make it right again.

"He was your friend, Bella. It's okay to mourn him." He tells me quietly.

"If my life were different, maybe, but I don't have that luxury now, do I?"

He grumbles in disagreement wanting to contradict me but he bites his tongue and just shakes his head. He was just as aware as everyone else was of how stubborn I could be.

I appreciated his quick acceptance of that darker side of me though. That he had accepted both the good along with the bad equally.

We stayed quiet for some time. I enjoyed the silence, enjoying that though I liked being alone I didn't mind having Alec enjoying it with me.

"Bella." Alec whispers my name softly.

I immediately notice the change and lean away, looking up at him curiously.

He was facing me now, suddenly with an almost overwhelming look of longing in his eyes. "I know we haven't known each other for very long," He starts gently, "and this might be inappropriate for me to bring up at a time like this but… I can't stop myself from finding out if I have a chance in hell with you."

My eyes widen in shock, but really I should've seen this coming. He'd made it clear from the very first time I'd met him his obvious interest in me. Sure he'd been somewhat faking it for Aro's benefit in order to stay close to me, but that last day in Volterra he'd made it clear it hadn't been all for show. Still I didn't expect him to voice it even now.

So when he starts moving forward, cupping my face gently, I don't push away. I mutely watch him slowly bending towards me to press a gentle kiss against my lips.

I'm still too stunned to react at first, but even when I do finish processing, I don't pull away, and when he licks the seam of my lips asking for entrance, I let him in.

I'm too curious to stop him now.

Just for a moment I want to know what it feels like to have someone else's lips on mine, to have the warmth of another man's body wrapped around mine again.

I kiss him back in earnest, letting myself intertwine my tongue and lips along with his.

His lips are soft and warm, molding to mine as he puts just the right amount of pressure while restraining himself from taking more. He kisses me confidently, without hesitation or any sense of doubt, like he'd been waiting for this moment for so long he was more than prepared for it now.

He takes a step forward when I wrap my arms around his neck, once he is certain I won't push him away he presses himself further into me while still giving me a chance to escape.

Just that small thoughtful action stabs painfully at my heart.

Alec knew how strung up I still was over Eric, leaving me with enough space to reject him because he'd known it was a possibility. I mean I hadn't specifically told him about Eric and I, and according to Eric no one other than his father was aware of how involved we had been in Dauntless. I had to assume Alec hadn't known either, at least not until Eric had confronted me on our first trip to Volterra's training room. Eric had made it very clear then our relationship had been a lot more than what had appeared on the screens. He hadn't made it a secret. Alec, of course, had figured it out then but had been smart enough not to question me about it when he knew Aro was watching my every move.

And that right there was one of the endless amount of qualities Alec possessed.

He was perfect in every way… everything any woman could ever dream of in a partner. If I tried, I knew that Alec would make me happy.

For a moment I convinced myself I could make it work, that I could successfully pretend to love him and somewhere along the way there would come a day when I would believe it too. But the thought of living a half-life with someone I was forcing myself to care about didn't seem like a future I wanted, but most importantly, it wasn't what I wanted for Alec either. Because he deserved to have someone love him unconditionally, someone to love him with a heart as big as his was, and not with the broken pieces I could manage with some day. It wasn't fair to him. And I could never lie and pretend to give him my all when I was no longer capable of it.

The sad truth was I didn't reciprocate his feelings now and I wasn't sure if I ever would.

Everything inside of me was desperate to give him a chance, to let myself get lost in the physical act, to allow myself at least the physical release I've always resorted to in the past when I needed to let go of all that pent up stress building inside of me. But it would be wrong to do. Not only were the lips and tongue currently kissing me, not the ones I truly wanted, but because I cared about Alec way too much to lead him on like this. Alec deserved better than what I could give him. He deserved so much more.

I pulled away with a last kiss, pressing my forehead against his chin.

He was breathing heavily, his heart jack hammering away against me.

I loathed to reject him, but I had to, I had to save him from me. So I shook my head and pulled away, looking up into his dark eyes to tell him so.

Alec was looking down at me with a sad smile, already anticipating my rejection.

"I'm sorry." I sigh in disappointment. "You're a good guy Alec, you have no idea how amazing you really are, how I wish I–"

"It's okay." He cuts me off, looking down at me as if the reason for my rejection was clearly written across my forehead. I'm sure it was. "I knew it was a long stretch but I just had to try." He says with a genuine smile.

My eyes tear up at his sincerity, noticing how hard he is trying to hide his hurt and disappointment to prevent me from feeling any more guilt. Putting my feelings ahead of his just like he always seemed to do. It hurt me more than ever to have to do this to him. If only he knew how disappointed with myself I was too. Alec was such a good, genuine person. Even if I lived a thousand lifetimes I would never deserve him.

"Still friends?" I ask. I know I shouldn't, it was selfish of me to, but I just had to know.

He smiles affectionately and nods, "Always, nothing can keep me away."

Assured now that our friendship was still intact I resume my position over the railing, Alec follows suit, silently mimicking my position again.

I wish I could tell him how much he truly deserved more than I could give him. I wanted him to know I was only trying to save him, that I was trying to prevent him from wasting his time and heart on someone like me.

Maybe one day I would… but not today. If I did I was afraid it would sound like a pathetic excuse. The 'It's not you it's me' line some people used to spare the other person's feelings. It would be true, but he wouldn't see it that way, not at this delicate moment.

I wanted to promise him he would someday find a woman worth giving his heart to completely. It would be impossible for him not to…

He was Alec.

He bumps me on the shoulder playfully before standing straight again to warn me of his departure. He turns to leave but he hesitates for a long moment.

I watch him quietly, expecting him to speak again, but he's looking away from me towards the glass enclosing leading towards the stairwell as if deciphering something in his head.

Finally he turns back to me, looking deep into my eyes before he speaks. "Can I just say one more thing?" He asks out of the blue.

I quizzically look up at him but nod nonetheless, I couldn't refuse him anything after what I'd just done.

"If you would have reciprocated my feelings, there would have been no way in hell I would ever let you go." He looks down at me as if communicating vital information. "There is nothing in this world you could possibly do to convince me otherwise. Not when it's you, Bella." He says sincerely. "But thank you for not settling with me."

I shake my head, he had it so wrong. "Alec, I wouldn't be the one sett-" I start but he cuts me off before I can finish.

"Can I also give you some advice?" He doesn't wait for my response this time. "You are the only one who can choose who your heart belongs to, Bella, don't ever forget that. I know sometimes it feels like it's all out of your control, like your heart has chosen without your consent. But it's all a part of you, Bella. Don't let that fear of getting hurt again keep you from what you love the most." I blink back at him in surprise but he just smiles down at me almost as if he's reassuring me, infusing some of his own confidence into me. "Don't forget we all make mistakes, we're only human after all, but sometimes those mistakes deserve a second chance to earn their forgiveness. If you allow them to."

"Forgiveness is hard." I state, my throat filling up with emotion.

He frowns but lifts his hand, barely grazing his knuckles along the skin of my cheekbone as if he no longer held the right to touch me any longer. "Very," He agrees "but you're the only one who can decide if it's worth fighting for." He concludes in the end.

I blink up at him in confusion. I want to reach out and hang on to him for dear life so he can continue to give me the answers I desperately need, but instead he takes a step back and smoothly walks away from away.

I stare blankly at the empty space left in front of me, but eventually I shake my head. I had to admit, even with his cryptic words Alec was still a breath of fresh air. It hurt me more to have to refuse him like I did... but I couldn't make that mistake. Not with his heart on the line and not when I've already experienced that all-consuming love and passion that rips your brain out of your skull and puts it in a blender. I had been irrevocably changed long ago, he was right. No matter how much I detested admitting it, it didn't make it any less true.

I turn back to look out towards the fence, not ready to face the real world just yet, though I know I would have to eventually.

For now I remain where I am. My emotions still bouncing all over the place. I can't face reality yet when my thoughts continue to circle back on Alec's words. He was right of course, my heart had been spoken for a thousand times over and by the same person.

I didn't want it to be, at least that's what I told myself to make myself feel better, but it didn't change the facts. If I accepted anyone else now it would be like… settling. Alec was right. I didn't want to settle, I don't think anyone would. I just didn't know how to forgive. How to accept and move past everything Eric had done so we could one day be together again. I wanted it to be possible. I wanted it more than anything… to be able to push my logical brain to the side and accept what Eric has promised me. To accept his apologies and start over again.

Something deep within me held me back, probably my own fear, my body's instinctual reaction to prevent me from getting hurt again.

So how was I supposed to let it go?

Would I ever? Even if I wanted to?

I shook my head and tried to regain control of my emotions. I couldn't stay on this roof forever. I had the threat of a looming war that I couldn't simply push away. Because I might remain in denial about everything else going on emotionally inside of me, but that, I couldn't possibly ignore. Too many people depended on me to drop my guard. If I let my emotions take control of me I wouldn't be able to put myself back together.

So I do what I always did in the past. I held on to my erratic emotions and painful thoughts and rolled them up into a tight ball, stuffing them into a closet deep within my mind.

Squaring my shoulders I turn to leave,

and then I freeze. My breath leaving my body in one fell swoop.

Because leaning against the entrance back into the building was none other than Eric.

I hadn't expected him so soon. During the meeting I'd overheard the rest of the Dauntless' leaders weren't predicted to return until tomorrow. But here he stood, watching me stoically, or as best as he could manage. I could still see the pain he always carried every time he looked my way. It was always devastating to witness.

There was a breathless moment where we both just stared at each other. Me in shock and him in… misery?

Until he removed his hands from his pockets, silently moving forward.

I remained where I was, waiting on bated breath to hear what he had to say.

I wondered if he'd seen Alec and I kiss. I wasn't sure whether it was a good or a bad thing if he did. No matter what, I would accept the consequences of my actions. I refused to feel guilty about it. I'd kissed Alec because I wanted to, not for any other reason.

He stops just a foot away from me, looking down at me as if I were the only person in the world.

I missed that look. But at the moment it also hurt to see it. I wanted him to give up on me, to push me away and declare I wasn't worth fighting for. I wanted him to be mad, to accuse me of betraying him so that I could throw his own betrayal right back in his face.

Anger was a better emotion to feel than utter devastation.

"I want to be furious you let another man taste what is mine but I know I have no right to demand that." He says openly and straight to the point.

I blink back at him for a second, not having expected such a calm response, but I recover quickly and harden my expression. "You're right, you don't." I agree.

I see the damage I've done with my words but he forges on. "If you're doing this to push me away it's not going to work." He warns.

I scoff at the accusation. I didn't kiss Alec to get back at him. I did that for myself.

"You can kiss and fuck a thousand others. It won't make a difference." He states openly. "I don't care how long it takes. I'll get you back someday, Bella."

I clench my jaw in anger, finding myself suddenly so very angry at him… for a lot of things really… for lying, for pretending to be someone he wasn't, for apologizing, for not blaming me for my own actions and taking all the blame, again. "You did this to us, Eric." I remind him, as if I needed an excuse for kissing Alec even though he wasn't asking for one.

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. Pain, shame, heartbreak, devastation taking over his exquisite features. "I know I did, Baby. I know it's all on me." He admits again. "But I can't let you go. I won't." He says forcefully, taking a firm step forward.

"Eric–" I start in warning, trying to ward him away by taking my own step back.

I didn't want what happened at the stairwell to happen again. I couldn't let him penetrate my shield, to bring down what I've worked so hard to rebuild.

He doesn't hesitate. He moves swiftly, walking forward until he's caging me in against the cold glass fence behind me. "I can't walk away." Pressing himself firmly against me. "I can't have you this close and not show you how much I love you... Because I do. I love you with everything that I am. You are my world, Cherry. My life. The air I breathe. I'm so broken without you I can't stand it for another second." He's speaking so close to my face, his breaths gliding ever so delicately over my lips.

I resist the urge to part my mouth and let him in. His words squeezing my heart so painfully it almost liquefies in an attempt to seep through my skin to melt into Eric instead.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done... but I'm not sorry for falling in love with you, Bella. You are the only thing that's ever meant something, meant everything. Even if I only had the chance to call you mine for a short period of time I would do it again. Knowing you and loving you, are two of the greatest gifts of my life." He says softly, his eyes shining with emotion, a depth to them I remember loving so dearly. I still do, so very fucking much. "So keep pushing me away. Reject me again. It won't make a difference. You can reject me a thousand times over and I will still be here, waiting for that one in a billion chance for you to accept me again. I will be ninety and on my deathbed with your name on my last breath. I will never want or love anyone other than you for the rest of my existence."

"Eric." I sigh in torment, biting my lip and closing my eyes.

I wanted him to stop talking. To stop throwing all these weighted words piercing my shield, chipping at it piece by piece.

He lifts his hand gently cupping my face, using his thumb to coax me to release my bottom lip. "Open up for me, Baby." He begs with an aching sorrow. "Just one more time. Please. I promise I will spend every waking moment of my life making it up to you. I will fall to my knees every day if it will open up your heart to me." He presses his body tightly against mine but doesn't push any further, waiting for me to accept him willingly.

I lock my body in the hopes I can resist, pushing my body back and against the railing. Anything to create some distance to keep myself from feeling the heat of his body, from absorbing it and melting it into my own.

"Please." He almost cries.

I don't know if it's his heartfelt plea, the pain of losing Felix, or the overpowering realization that if someone as amazing as Alec couldn't get me to forget him… then no one else would.

But I can't resist him any longer. Not when he's this close. Not when he's begging me to let him in. And God his body, wordlessly calling to me, its energy, its essence, his soul, his need, his passion, calling me forward, begging me in every way that he can to take him back.

And I can't find the will in me to resist anymore.

He's all I've ever wanted.

I crash my lips against his. My hands slipping into the overgrown length of his hair to pull him closer. My tongue invading his mouth without asking.

He doesn't hesitate to let me in, opening himself up to be tasted by me again. He groans achingly, longingly.

I covet what I shouldn't, but I can't get enough. Not when I've tasted him again, not when I feel his body consuming me in the same uncontrollable way it always has. Because my heart still refuses to believe in him, but my body doesn't need anything more than a glimpse of his warmth to remind me of just how much I crave his touch.

I feel the desperation inside of me as I grip him closer, remembering how easily I could have lost him if Felix hadn't sacrificed his life to save his. And though I'm opening up to him in some way, I know I still can't give him everything of me. A part deep inside of me wants to but I can't, not anymore.

One thing is for certain though...

I can't live without this piece of him any longer. My body has craved his more than I've allowed myself to acknowledge. But I can't fight it anymore. Not this, not right now.

An unexpected moan leaves my throat.

He sucks in a breath and whimpers low, deep in his throat, a sound that resonates within me and straight into my bones. He turns into fire, his soft luscious lips twisting with mine deepening the kiss in the familiar way they have before. His muscles tighten as his grip on me increases, becoming as desperate as I am, afraid I will disappear.

But I won't.

I can't.

Not now that I have him in my arms.

"I love you, Cherry." He whispers against my lips.

"Shut up and kiss me, Eric." I order instead, rejecting his sweet words.

His hands tighten around my body, unnerved I don't want to hear those words from him, but he knows how to pick his battles and accepts my command, lifting me up into his arms. I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist. He suddenly drops to his knees taking me with him, pressing me up against the glass railing as if he weren't strong enough to hold himself up any longer with the intensity of his emotions.

It rattles me when I realize what he thinks this is.

And though I have every right to hurt and lie to him as much as he has… I can't. He needs to know what I really want from him.

I don't waste another second, sliding my hands in between us to unbutton his jeans.

He stops abruptly as if he'd been doused in cold water. "Bella." He whispers softly, pulling away from me to gently push my hands away.

"You said you would do anything for my forgiveness." I throw back using his own words against him. It might not be right but it was all I had left. He begged for my forgiveness and any semblance of it should be enough. "It's the only way."

He presses his forehead against mine and releases a shaky breath, "But I want to do this right." He insists, "I don't just want your body, Bella, I want all of you."

I shake my head stubbornly. I can't give him what he wants, not that, not when I've barely accepted the fact that I at least need this part of him to keep myself alive. "I can't. This is all I can give you, Eric." I admit. I knew I hurt him with my words but it was the only truth I had left. "I don't know if I can ever forgive you… I don't know if it's possi–."

He places his hand over my mouth silencing me, my words gutting him beyond repair. He looks back at me in pain, tortured with the gravity of my words. I know he's still carrying hope for us. It's the only reason he's still here, hesitating, looking deep into my eyes searching for something deep within my soul.

I don't know what he's looking for, and I don't know if he finds it or not. All I know is that he presses his lips hard against mine again, pushing to gain entrance into my mouth and taking control. He pulls me away from the glass railing to lay me down on the cold concrete floor unbuttoning my jeans this time. His lips never leave mine as he removes my pants completely before he slides my underwear to the side. I feel the cold air hitting the delicate flesh in between my legs, but it's short lived when Eric suddenly shoves two of his thick fingers inside of me.

I arch my back on a loud moan, closing my eyes in absolute bliss.

He releases my lips, his breath as ragged as mine. "Whatever you want from me, it's yours, Bella." He vows through my sudden fog of lust. His head is so very close to my ear, whispering delicately as I shiver at the feeling while his fingers move at a breathtaking pace inside of me, his thumb moving to circle my clit moving in sync with his fingers. "If you just want this…my cock… or just my tongue, it's yours. Everything that I am is yours." He promises. "So find your release in me, Baby. Take what you want from me." He says, breathing heavily against my ear, his fingers forcing themselves hard inside of me. I can still hear how wet I am over his harsh breathing. He groans too, giving me more of what I want as he curls his fingers forward, hitting that spot he knows will unravel me. "All that I am, and will ever be, is eternally yours." He presses his lips ever so softly against the sensitive skin on my neck, cementing his promise.

The growing tension building in the pit of my stomach hits a crescendo and bursts into technicolor. I scream at my release, my body arching away from the cold concrete and closer to his warmth seeking everything he's promised.

And even though I'm still trembling from the aftershocks, I immediately know it's not enough. It was a strong orgasm, one that I think I've been waiting for what felt like years to release, but it's still not enough. It still doesn't fill this unbearable yearning that's burrowed itself deep within my core since I willingly accepted his body again.

I knew it wouldn't be.

I knew I would only need more.

And so I finish unzipping his pants and shove my hand inside his jeans to pull him out.

Eric doesn't need anything more than that.

Without missing a beat he lifts me up, taking me with him as he sits back against the glass railing propping me onto my knees over his lap.

He looks deep into my eyes as I hover over him. "Take me. I'm yours." He vows, his chest heaving rapidly as he grasps tightly onto my thighs, his body shaking intensely. I don't know if it's with anticipation or with emotion. He doesn't say and I don't ask. He doesn't make another move though, waiting for me to do what I want.

I can clearly see the hunger in his expression and I know it's not easy for him to remain as motionless as he is being. His fingertips are the only voluntary movement he's allowing himself as they dig almost painfully into my skin.

That's not all I see though, Eric isn't hiding absolutely anything from me. He's baring himself open for me to see everything. Giving me a look of a man stranded in nothingness waiting for a streak of light to bless him with its angelic presence.

It's both breathtaking and heartbreaking to witness at the same time.

A better person would stand up and leave to save him from more suffering, especially when I don't know if I'll ever want anything more than this from him. But I'm selfish, seeking only my own pleasure, and it's the only thing I'm willing to acknowledge at this very moment.

I break the intense connection, looking down and taking what's mine.

I grab onto his erection, the anticipation growing inside of me as I feel the soft, velvety skin of him as I guide him slowly to my entrance. I close my eyes, sliding down languidly, savoring every single inch.

Eric chokes at the feeling, his hands grasping onto my body in a vicious hold, his body still shuddering while his fingertips dig painfully into my skin. "I've missed you so much, Baby." He whispers softly. I keep my eyes closed, just wanting to savor the feeling of him inside of me again. I've missed it so much. "I've been so empty without you…" He admits, pressing his forehead against mine, taking my panting breaths and using them to fill his own lungs. "I love you so much."

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, afraid to connect with him in more ways than what our bodies are already doing. It's already too much. I want to cry at his words, and if I open my eyes I risk the chance of breaking the wall of protection I've built so tightly around my heart. So I don't allow myself that chance.

Instead I slowly slide back up and push back down.

Eric's breath hitches in his throat.

I don't stop, I keep going, chasing after my second orgasm like I'm in a race against time. I place my hands on the railing above us to gain leverage, pushing my weight down on it to lift myself higher so the gratification of my downward drop is greater. I can feel the dust and pebbles digging painfully into my knees.

They'll be totally fucked after this.

And not a single part of me cares.

I want to feel everything. The pain, the pleasure, the feel of him inside of me. It's more than I ever expected to feel, because I never would've thought I could be like this with him again, figuring I'd lost his body too and would never have the opportunity to feel it again.

And yet here he was letting me take what I wanted.

It was glorious.

Nothing would ever feel this good. No one ever would, no one would ever compare to Eric. The hard chiseled expanse of his body, the way it flexed beneath me, the feel of the ridges of his cock filling those same imprints he'd made inside of me long ago, like we were two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. And it wasn't just his body that filled me with pleasure. It was the sounds he made, the smell of him, the way he moved his body so in tune with my own.

"Miss you so much…" Eric whimpers "thought I'd never feel you again."

I didn't dare open my eyes even when he tries to coax me by cupping my face in his hands.

I couldn't look at him, not while we did this. Not when my feelings for him were so close to the surface the more my orgasm began to announce its presence. I could feel its tendrils wrapping themselves around my limbs, expanding and overtaking me the more I moved, the more Eric moved. Meeting me thrust for thrust when my body was unable to fill those empty gaps.

He filled them for me, he always did. Giving me everything of himself he could offer for me to take.

"You're so close, Cherry…" He continues to whisper, feeling me tightening around him, my insides quivering at my impending release. "Milk my cock… so fucking beautiful…"

I squeezed my eyes shut harder, wanting to block the effects of his words, to refuse how they affected my soul so deeply.

It was all in vain. My ears took in his words whether I wanted them to or not, feeding the endless yearning I felt inside. The emptiness that consumed me when I thought I could lose him forever. I didn't want to accept their meaning in my heart and soul but nothing I did stopped them from overpowering me. Barreling through me like a tidal wave, surrounding my heart in a warmth and a love so deep I couldn't see the end or the beginning. He was everywhere.

I could feel my walls practically quivering with the intensity, my orgasm so very fucking close…

"Take it, baby." He begged. "Take everything."

I finally broke, gripping his wrists, digging my nails savagely into the skin as I moved my head to the side sinking my teeth into the fatty flesh just underneath his thumb as I cried my release. I couldn't contain the emotion within me, the eruption of emotions and feelings when I finally reached the same heaven only he had the power to ascend me to.

He yelled expletives as he shuddered underneath me, his body becoming so impossibly hard before releasing it all to me. I felt it in my soul. He filled me up with everything he had. Sucking himself dry to give me whatever I chose to take from him, and I was greedy, taking everything without remorse.

"I love you, Bella." He whispered tenderly, so full of emotion.

I loved him too… so goddamn much, but even with the aftershocks of my orgasm still rippling through me I couldn't fathom the thought of saying them back. My lips were sealed shut, as if I'd secretly promised myself I would never utter those words again.

He pulled me forward, wrapping his arms around me and crushing me to his chest. His body still trembling from his own release.

I dug my face into his neck, allowing myself to feel this just one second longer before I pulled away.

It might not be what he wanted, the way he wanted it to happen, but for now… it had to be enough.