Kicks
He was used to being woken by her long before they got together. Back at CBI, regularly he would wake to his phone ringing and her being on the other end or her shaking him awake on his couch. A lot of the time it was wanted because it pulled him from his nightmares but back to his painful reality. He does still get nightmares sometimes, but not frequently and his reality is full of happiness and smiles and laughter.
Jane is dreaming about working on the remodel together before he is pulled awake by a tapping to his arm. The dream wasn't realistic but pleasant, as Lisbon was stood on top of a step ladder painting the wall of their bedroom a deep blue with him holding her steady. He wouldn't actually let her stand on a ladder now as she is twenty-six weeks pregnant carrying some very precious cargo, but he does like that she is now able to pitch in her ideas for interior design now their house is starting to actually resemble a self-supporting structure as opposed to a pile of rubble. They were discussing paint colours before drifting off which explains his dream and it is one of those conversations that he is glad to be able to have after years of not seeing a future.
Patrick stirs awake with a smile on his face, but this disappears when realising that it is his wife who has woken him. With bleary eyes, he glances to his right to see her sitting up in bed with one hand on her bump and the other on his arm. "Teresa..." He murmurs and sleepily attempts to read her expression. He is relieved that she appears quite calm. "Are you alright? Can't you sleep?" He asks her quietly.
"No, I can't sleep." She replies but she is grinning from ear to ear like this is a good thing. "He's kicking. Feel." This gives Jane a shoot of energy and he too is smiling before he even places his hands on her. She has been able to feel their baby's movement for a few weeks now, but they haven't been strong enough for him to detect. Teresa's excitement comes from her believing that they will now be strong enough and that means she isn't annoyed by the havoc Jane Junior is causing her bladder.
Patrick pushes himself up in bed and shuffles closer to her before carefully laying his hands on her bump. He doesn't say anything, neither of them do, like speaking will stop their son from performing what is now his party trick. Baby Jane already has his parents wrapped around his little finger, and he won't even be held by them for several months yet. His father's face begins to fall when he starts to think that maybe tonight isn't going to be his night... but then he feels it. The kicks. And his face is back to being lit up like a Christmas tree. "You see." Lisbon says whilst beaming at her husband.
Jane is flooded with so much emotion in this moment that it is almost overwhelming. He feels... overjoyed, obviously, because this is a milestone that they will remember forever, and it acts as proof (even if it is unnecessary) that this is really happening. He is going to be a father again. Is it bad that this thought also makes him a little sad? What they're experiencing right now, this intimate instance that will be etched into their memories, is a reminder of what he's also lost. Charlotte would be well into life at college if she was still alive. He sometimes wonders what she would have studied, if she would still be playing piano, if she would have come to him and cried when her heart was broken for the first time. If he continued on his trajectory of being fuelled by money and fame, then he very much doubts that would have been the case.
He doesn't know that he's crying until Lisbon's hand reaches up to delicately wipe away his tears. Jane feels guilty about a lot of things that have gone on during his life and now he feels that way because he has ruined what should have been a beautiful moment about the three of them in this room. For a second, he considers whether it would be possible to claim that his wavering mood is because of their baby kicks, but he can tell from the sadness in her green eyes that this won't be possible. He has been rumbled. He can also tell though that she is okay with him thinking about his daughter, it's understandable to Lisbon. "I'm sorry." He apologies but she is straightaway shaking her head.
"Don't." She states in a manner that is both firm but also sensitive simultaneously, with her hand still cupping his face lovingly. "You don't need to apologise for finding certain things to do with our baby a lot to deal with. I know what you've lost." He nods at this whilst taking in a deep breath to try and regain some composure.
"I missed Charlotte's first kicks." He admits, sounding very regretful at this as well angry at himself. "Angela had a friend, Anne she was called, who felt them. I was working." The worst thing was that he wasn't overly upset when he found out. He was too focussed on his next job, his next mark. "I missed the first time she laughed, the first time she rolled over, her first word, her first steps..." He trails off with his face twisting from anguish, but Teresa's thumb running over his cheekbone helps him remain level-headed. "Things are going to be different this time. I promise." He whispers this and suddenly it is one of those times that she silently prays that she can help take his pain away.
"I know they will." Lisbon reassures and then leans closer to her husband to kiss him sweetly. Jane melts into her touch, his cheek pressing against the palm of her hand whilst her lips take his breath away and certainly not for the first time. He knows how lucky he is to have her after everything that's happened in their past.
When they separate their noses brush together briefly but just long enough for the simple act to fill them with joy. He already feels a lot better because of her and he even manages a small albeit sad smile. "I think he has stopped now." His wife comments and for second, he is confused, evident by the dipping of his brow. "Our son. I think he has stopped kicking."
"Oh." Jane says and removes her hands from her belly as if he has just got burnt. He got so lost in the moment that he hadn't even realised he was still holding her in this way, but it is clear that she doesn't mind. "Did you want the pregnancy pillow that Van Pelt got you?"
"Maybe in a minute."
"Teresa, honey, you need to sleep."
"I know, I know. But my time hasn't been completely wasted." She tells him with a mischievous glint in her eyes and before he can enquire further, she is turning to look at her bedside table where she then retrieves a paint colour brochure that he put in her hands a few days ago. Lisbon opens the first page and then effortlessly flicks through with a brush of her thumb until she finds what she is looking for. It is unsurprising to Jane that it is a page full of greens. "I really like these four colours for our bedroom." She tells him while running her finger over the glossy paper.
"Aren't they the same colour?" She playfully slaps his bicep in reply making him chuckle. He then takes the brochure from her and is smiling because of how she's circled her four favourites in red ink.
Jane knows she wasn't completely sure of his plan when he showed her the land he purchased, so it is definitely a relief that now she is all for it. Whenever he comes back from there, he gives her a blow-by-blow account of everything he had got up to that day and she always listens with nothing but intent – and he loves how she now wants to be more involved.
His eyes scan over the colours and their names. Fresh Sage, Green Glade, Forest Shade, Olive Grove. He gathers the last one is her favourite by how she has circled round it more with a stronger stroke than the others. "They're all quite dark colours." He comments distractedly without really thinking.
"Oh." She mutters, sounding dejected which he doesn't want. "Is that bad?"
"It's not bad, honey, just might be better to keep the room light and airy."
"I mean I do like the Gentle Lavender." She replies, nodding towards the swatches he has at his bedside that he was showing her earlier before falling asleep. "But there's something about Olive Grove."
"It is a nice colour." He agrees because it is. Plus, there would be something almost charming about their bedroom having green tones when the area surrounding the property is definitely that colour. They could have furniture and trinkets and fabrics of complimenting colours like mustard or deep peach or dark cobalt blue. Patrick is already building a picture in his mind. "How about we have the Olive Grove as a feature wall behind our bed and the rest of the walls can be a lighter complimenting colour, like..." He turns back a page to the slightly lighter green tones and immediately spots it. "Mossy Stone?"
Lisbon smiles. "You see, this is why you're in charge of the remodel." She says jovially. "We could have Gentle Lavender in the guest bedroom?"
"Or the nursery." He suggests, but straightaway realises she has another idea for that special room by how she holds her hand out expectantly to take back the brochure. He happily passes it to her.
"I was actually thinking we could have Pale Citrus as the nursery colour." She announces as she starts to search through the booklet once more, but this time she seems less sure of where she is supposed to be looking. "This is going to sound silly but a dolls house I had growing up had a yellow nursery and that's all I can think of." She continues to skim through the pages and pages of colours but a crease forms to her brow because of not being able to find it. "It isn't a bright yellow or anything."
Jane outstretches his hands and places them on top of hers, to stop her growingly frantic searching. She does stop and he watches her shoulders slump but not from frustration, relief that he has prevented her from getting worked up which is easy to do currently thanks to having fluctuating hormone levels. "It doesn't sound silly." He softly utters and she believes him. Jane doesn't need to see the colour. If she wants it for their baby's nursery, then she can have it. "I love you, honey. And I will love our green bedroom, our Pale Citrus nursery, and of course…" He ignores the slight pain he gets from leaning downward so he can press a gentle kiss to her t-shirt covered bump. It is worth it because he hears how she lightly laughs under her breath. "Our son." He finishes with his neck creaking slightly when he sits back up.
Lisbon's eyes are watery when he meets them again. To think that she used to be so buttoned up that the idea of expressing emotion felt like a weakness, but now she will bare all to him without worrying about judgement. She has grown a lot over the years that she has known him and there hasn't been a dull moment. She very much doubts that there will be any dull moments in their future either. "And I love you. So much."