I love Bernie and Olivia and this has been on my head for a little while, I hope you like it.

Thank you to my beta JDreamie

Tall, and tanned, and young, and lovely

The girl from Ipanema

She couldn't breathe, she was actually having a hard time filling her lungs with air. She didn't even know how she got here, she didn't remember walking out of the hotel, or getting in her car, or crossing the bridge to Queens, or even knocking on the door.

But when the door opened and a flash of white hair hit her vision she came out of the cloud she was in. She knew it was stupid. Elliot didn't have any idea of what was happening, he had his own closet of skeletons to go though.

But it had been second nature for her, to go seek comfort in his presence, even after 10 years, that was her instinct. But it was Bernie who answered the door and she suddenly felt unsure of herself, more than she already felt ever since she left the hotel room.

"Olivia, dear, it's so good to see you again," Bernie greeted her animatedly.

"Hmm… hi, Bernie, is Elliot home ?" She suddenly remembered: Of course he isn't home.

"Oh, honey, he's working, remember?" No, her idiotic self didn't remember until 2 seconds ago, he was undercover.

"Right, I'm sorry, Bernie. I didn't want to interrupt your night," she said, making a motion to leave.

"Don't be silly, Eli gave up on me hours ago. I'm just watching tv." She pointed to the living room. "Do you want some tea? You look pale, dear. Maybe you should come in for a little bit." Bernie grabbed her arm, giving her no chance of denying her request.

Olivia made her way to the island while Bernie put a kettle on the stove. The commotion in the kitchen brought Eli out of his room.

"Grandma, you shouldn't be using the oven so late." he came out of his bedroom, making halfway to the kitchen before realizing Olivia's presence. "Oh, I didn't know you were here, Olivia."

"I wasn't supposed to," she answered the young man. "I'm sorry guys, maybe I should just go."

"Nonsense, you go outside. I'll be right there with your tea in a minute," Bernie insisted. Eli shrugged before turning around and going back into his room.

She sat outside, listening to the sounds of the city. How could she have been so blind? How could one of the few happy memories of her youth be ripped away from her, destroyed and tainted? A solitary tear made its way down her cheek. She didn't hear Bernie coming outside, she only felt the older woman warm finger, cleaning the tear away from her face. She wasn't used to this, to the maternal touch and the lingering look. It wasn't why she came here. It was strange to her, even more with all the Serena thoughts popping in her head lately. It was a strange contrast of what could have been.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bernie asked, gently.

"I… I don't know. I don't know how I got here," she looked pleadingly at Bernie.

"Talk to me, dear. Maybe I can help you." Bernie offered.

"Did Elliot ever tell you anything about my childhood?"

"No, but he wouldn't, he respects your privacy way too much," she gave her a little smile.

"I grew up with my mom, she was an English professor," she sighed. "One night going back to her dorm, while she was still a student, she was raped and that's how I came to be." She looked down at her hands.

"I'm sorry, dear." The information shed some light about how Olivia behaved.

"Serena, that was her name, never really recovered from that. She didn't have options back then, her only option was to have me. But she couldn't really love me without the weight of what happened to her." She looked up at Benie.

"She got in the habit of turning to the bottle, she was an alcoholic until it eventually killed her." Her eyes filled with tears. "I was alone a lot, I didn't have anyone who loved me unconditionally, my house was a mess. I pretty much raised myself. When I was 16, I fell in love with someone." Bernie nodded at her.

"Oh, you had a high school sweetheart, just like Elliot?" Olivia grimaced at the older woman.

"No, not really. You see, I spent a lot of time on campus with my mother, that's where I met him. He was…older." She downplayed it. Bernie sensed her reluctance.

"How much older?"

"He was 21," Olivia said timidly, like she was talking to what was supposed to be a concerned mother.

"Jesus, Olivia." Bernie gasped at her.

"It's not like that, he… he was different. He knew all that stuff and was so sophisticated. He said he would get me out of there, of that house." Another tear ran down her face. "He did eventually propose," she sighed.

"Oh dear, tell me you didn't," Bernie said sadly.

"Oh, I did. That night I went home and told my mom I was leaving. She completely lost it, it got to the point that she held a broken bottle to me, she said no one would have me again."

"I can't say I agree with her approach but I do agree with her reasoning. Dear, you were a child." She held one of Olivia's hands.

"He loved me, he was the only one who ever wanted me," she pleaded.

"That wasn't love, he took advantage of an already terrible situation," Bernie tried to make her see some sense. "But you didn't marry him. "

"No, my mother made him leave, and said he would be expelled if he didn't. So he left me, like everybody does. He sent me a letter saying we had a good time, but he had a real girlfriend that he was supposed to marry. I found out today that it was a lie," she took a shaky breath.

"Today?" A brow raised in the older woman's face.

"My partner after Elliot, Nick, brought an old case that needed to be reopened. He said he had someone who was helping him. And when he entered my office, it was like going back in time. He was there, right in front of me," She told him.

For the first time since she met the younger woman, Bernie saw a very naive expression taking over her face. It was painful to see, because she didn't realize what happened to her. And if what she imagined was right, Olivia fell right back into the mindset of the teenager under the older men spell.

"We talked for a bit, he said he never wanted to leave me, but my mother made him." She shook her head, still sad about her mother's behavior. She bit her lower lip and Bernie's heart dropped.

"And what happened?" She urged the woman to continue, afraid she had made a mistake.

"He asked me back to his hotel room," Her voice lowered. "I went with him, we talked some more… he came forward to kiss me and turned my face. I don't understand, Bernie. I wanted to be there, I wanted to be with him again, but something inside my head told me to get out, go somewhere safe."

"And you ended up here," Bernie completed. "Dear, you've been in this job for a really long time. You know when something is wrong. I'm about to say something to you that is really gonna hurt, but I'm pretty sure you subconsciously already know," She kept her voice low, but with a very serious tone. Olivia's eyes filled with tears.

"If a 16 year old girl came to you, came to SVU, explained her very difficult situation at home, and that she was in love with someone 5 years older and very much more experienced than her, what would you say to that girl?" A few tears escaped Olivia's and Bernie hated that she had to do this.

"I'd say… I'd say he groomed her. I'd say that it was statutory rape." Bernie felt like she could actually hear Olivia's heart breaking right in front of her.

"You would say that, dear, because it is what it was," her voice was gentle, and she pulled an arm around Olivia about the same time she let a sob escape. "You made the right choice, leaving that room. That man is no good, Olivia. And you know that, you just fell into old habits."

"He was… he was my first, you know? My first love, my first time. I had this idiotic idea of soulmates and a happy ending," she paused, shaking her head. "And my mother was the villain in this particular story, and all she was doing was protecting me for the same thing she went through."

"She did," Her warm hand ran up and down Olivia's arms. "She did love you, Olivia. She probably didn't show it, but she was trying to protect you."

"I never felt like a victim back then. "

"That's because you saw yourself as so mature, because of everything you went through, but you were only a child. Just like my Elliot was just a child when he got Kathy pregnant," She drew the comparison. "I believe soulmates exist, Olivia. I believe there's a kind of love so strong, so unbreakable, that is capable of resisting the challenges of space and time." She said trying to send a message without being explicit.

"Maybe, for other people. Not for me, never for me…"

"I think you just had a really terrible realization, and I'm glad it was in time not to make a bad mistake. I'm also glad you are here right now, and you probably need time to make peace with it." She cleaned her face. "But don't sell yourself short, I think unconditional love is closer to you than you realize…"

"Liv?" Elliot's voice broke through the tense atmosphere. Both their heads turned around really fast and his brows drew together as he saw her face wet from the tears. "What's wrong? Is Noah ok?"

"Relax, honey, Olivia here only had a very bad night." She gave the younger woman time to compose herself, asking. "Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"Had a little free time, came to see if everything was ok." He didn't move his eyes away from Olivia.

"Well, since you are here, I'll give you some time to talk." She looked at Olivia to see if she agreed, and she nodded.

She got up, stopping in front of her son, as he leaned down to kiss her head.

"Take care of her, Elliot," she said and moved inside the apartment.

Moving around the kitchen, washing her tea cup, she could see them speaking in lower voices, their eyes almost having a parallel silent communication. She sighed, hoping they figured it out sooner than later, they both deserved to be happy and she was tired of seeing them suffering. She was sure they were that kind of soulmate, so it was time for them to just accept it.

Maybe I should do something about it. God knows I don't have much time for this particular kind of bullshit.

Reviews are highly encouraged and appreciated