Disclaimer: Law & Order SVU/OC and its characters don't belong to me. This story has been written for fun only, not for money. Also, English is not my native language, so I had some help with vocabulary, but all ideas and dialogues are mine.
Spoilers: Nothing specific, but somewhere around the start of SVU25/OC4. Written before OC S4x04.
Summary: Late night discussion under the snow.
AN: I woke up with this idea, thinking about the upcoming family dinner at the Stablers. The story isn't really set in that context, but it formed the starting idea. Special thanks to Hannah for beta reading!
Please enjoy and review!
Snow Night
By musical-Aven
Olivia sighed, her gaze finding the clock on the nightstand once again: 4 am. Classic. She shifted on her back, mindful not to disturb the figure beside her. She was lying in Elliot Stabler's bed, enveloped by his sheets and surrounded by his familiar scent. And nestled beside her was his daughter.
There had been a storm tonight over the city. They had gathered for dinner earlier, all the children present except Noah, who was away in Woodstock. Elliot had extended the invitation, and Olivia, without overthinking for once, had accepted. But after dinner they had all decided that it was too dangerous to drive and found themselves improvising sleeping arrangements. The twins had settled in Eli's room on an air mattress, Maureen with Bernie, while Olivia and Kathleen had been provided with Elliot's bed, leaving him on the couch.
But after a couple of hours of sleep, Olivia was wide awake. Her mind buzzed with relentless thoughts. Her senses were in overdrive. A faint sound came from the living room, and she assumed Elliot was as restless as she was.
With cautious steps, Olivia rose from the bed, slipping on a cardigan borrowed from Kathleen before stepping outside the room into the dimly lit living room. As she closed the door behind her, the only illumination in the space came from the soft glow of the stove.
She took a couple of steps toward the couch to check on Elliot, but stopped short when she noticed the still figure outside on the patio. The wind had come down, the storm now calm. A few flakes were dropping from the illuminated sky. Wrapped in a blue hoodie, Elliot stood with his back turned to the room, his form outlined by the pale moonlight filtering through the snowfall. Olivia took the opportunity to study him through the windows.
He appeared lost in thought, his gaze fixed upon the swirling snowflakes dancing in the air. Despite his calmness, Olivia could sense his mind racing. She hesitated before moving, reluctant to intrude.
After a few minutes, Elliot seemed to sense her presence, his upper body turned and his eyes met hers through the glass. Olivia finally moved and opened the door, the chill of the night air prickling against her skin as she joined him on the patio. She wrapped her cardigan tighter around herself and lifted her gaze towards the sky, mirroring him.
"The storm passed." Olivia murmured softly, breaking the silence.
Elliot's gaze lingered on her.
"Yeah. Did I wake you?" He asked, his voice concerned.
Olivia shook her head, offering him a reassuring smile.
"Just couldn't sleep," she confessed, her gaze returning to meet his. "You?"
Elliot shrugged, breaking eye contact.
"I don't sleep much these days." He admitted, and it made her frown in concern.
"Work?"
He offered a wry smile, a bitter twist to his lips.
"Life." He answered simply, and Olivia smiled in sympathy.
Silence settled over them once more, the only sounds around them made by the soft sound of snowflakes falling to the ground. They stood together, close yet somehow distant, each lost in their own thoughts.
Not really sure why, Olivia felt compelled to break the silence and share some lingering thoughts.
"I'm not used to not sleeping in my own bed." She confessed, unsure of where that would lead them tonight.
Looking at the sky once again, she held her breath as she waited for his response.
Elliot's eyes were on her face, trying to read her flushed expression, searching for any sign of discomfort. Too tempted to ignore the bait, he felt a familiar spark ignited within him, a reflex born in the early years of their partnership. A time when the banter between them was so easy, light, innocent.
"When was the last time you didn't sleep in your own bed, Benson?" He quipped, a playful glint dancing in his eyes.
Olivia froze, not from the chill of the night air, but from the unexpectedness of his question. Seriously? The corner of her lips twitched as she met his gaze, finding both amusement and something else lurking behind it.
Deciding to play along, she arched an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in her own eyes.
"Two weekends ago."
Elliot's face fell before he could stop himself. He hadn't expected her to answer so readily, hadn't anticipated the pang of jealousy that pierced his heart at the thought of her with someone else. Yet, he knew he had no right to feel this way, he had no claim.
Olivia was satisfied with his reaction for a moment, but quickly felt bad when seeing the effect of her words on him. Before he could say anything, she continued.
"The McCanns insisted I stayed the night after dinner ran too long on Friday."
Relief flooded through Elliot, as he started to breathe again. A touch of embarrassment crossed his face at his own overreaction. She smirked, telling him she just wanted to return the banter, and he returned her smile, grateful yet unable to shake the unease that lingered in him.
Olivia felt for him, because she'd feel the same. She shook her head slightly, thinking about how they were both being ridiculous about this.
Letting the silence return, she knew there was a real question behind his previous inquiry, but that he was now afraid to ask. Willing to open up to him, she decided to share more.
"The time before that," she began, her voice soft and Elliot's attention turned fully on her, "was at a hotel. Two years ago. With a man I'd known since I was seventeen."
Elliot frowned, trying to recall any mention of this man from their early years together.
"I realized after that he wasn't really a nice man." She concluded, not giving too many details.
She looked disappointed, but not only in the man himself, but mostly in herself.
"He hurt you?" he asked, his voice carrying his protectiveness.
"Not that time...but before, when we were young... it wasn't a healthy relationship." Olivia confessed.
Elliot's fists closed at his sides as he struggled to contain his emotions. She took a step into his direction.
"But I'm okay now." She assured him, and he forced himself to believe her, to trust her.
They enjoyed the silence when it came back. Both noting the falling snow, the frisk air between them. Each lost in their own thoughts.
Elliot was shaken to learn about that encounter, as two years ago, he was in town. He wasn't in anywhere near the right state of mind to be in her life, that's for sure, so he couldn't blame his partner for seeking other connections…still he felt jealous.
After a moment, Olivia sought to lighten the mood, to tease him as he had teased her. She already knew (strongly suspected) about his fling with Flutura, and frankly she didn't really want to know more about his UC conquests. But, knowing him, even though he had some indiscretions outside of him home, she didn't think Elliot would bring someone in his own bed after Kathy…so she thought it was safe to ask, seeking the banter once again. It was risky, but she went for it nonetheless.
"What about you, Stabler, when was the last time you had another woman sleeping in your bed?"
When Elliot's mask slipped, even for a brief moment, Olivia's heart skipped a beat. She studies him a moment before breaking eye contact. Her expression was a worse feeling to Elliot than learning about her being in bed with someone else.
Elliot's thoughts went to Tia. She had been the only other woman in his bed, but he didn't know how to tell Olivia that it was nothing she should be concerned about. But, of course, she had read him quickly and now her mind was spiraling.
Olivia shook her head slightly and pursed her lips, informing him she didn't want to know after all. Turning away, she began to pace the snow-covered patio, a silent plea for him to let the matter rest.
Yet, Elliot's voice cut through the silence, his words hanging heavy in the air.
"Last year." He confessed.
Olivia froze, her eyes widening in disbelief as she turned to face him, her heart hammering in her chest. Elliot stayed immobile when he continued, not wanting to scare her away.
"My partner from Italy was in town…" He stopped when he saw her expression at that.
A partner from Italy? Olivia looked as hurt as surprised at the mention. He never talk about having a partner in Europe. And last year? When? Was if before or after she had rejected him in her kitchen?
Angry tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled to gather her emotions. Her anger was not really directed at him but mostly at herself. But, she reminded herself, she had no right to feel this way, no claim. Yet, she felt the pain cut deep. She forced a breath out of her lungs to make her body breath again.
Why were they doing this to themselves?! Why would they hurt each other by talking about this? Olivia thought, shaking her head once again.
Elliot pulled her back to the present when he continued.
"We went through an entire bottle of grappa one night…"
Oh great, he was going to blame it on alcohol. Olivia opened her mouth to stop him but he pushed on.
"She slept in my bed," he paused only for a second, making sure he had her full attention. "and I slept on the couch."
As Elliot's confession hung in the air. Olivia's mind raced, grappling with the unexpected turn of events. She searched his eyes for any hint of doubt, but found only sincerity.
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Elliot stood before her, solid, unwavering, open, honest. Ready for anything she'd throw at him after that. He was solid but there was still something vulnerable in his eyes too.
"Well, that must have been uncomfortable." She deflected, accepting his answer and trying to hide the effect it had on her.
Olivia wanted to ask questions, and not, at the same time. She tried to read on his face what his confession meant, really. That *he* hadn't wanted it to happen with the Italian partner, or that *she* hadn't? Clearly they had an opportunity to do something, but didn't. Her face showed her questions, but neither of them dared to acknowledge it. Elliot didn't know how to tell her more without putting his whole heart on the line. He wasn't ready for that. Even more, she certainly wasn't. Then again, he might do it if needed, for Olivia.
Elliot held her gaze, silently telling her he wouldn't betray her like this, wouldn't jeopardize their whatever-it-was relationship now, even if he had no expectations of reciprocation. They had no claim on each other, but they were forced to admit that did, in a way.
After a long moment to let his words sink in, Elliot shrugged lightly and responded to her last comment.
"She took it pretty well. Went back to Italy." He paused and gathered his courage. "Told me to go after who I really wanted."
His eyes lowered to the compass laying on her chest, making his message very clear. Time seemed to stand still as Olivia processed Elliot's confession, her breathing gradually steadying as she came to terms with his truth. It was as far as Elliot would go tonight, but it was enough. With a small nod, Olivia acknowledged his words, silently accepting them.
As the weight of their conversation lifted, they both rubbed their eyes wearily, the exhaustion of their emotional rollercoaster washing over them.
Inhaling deeply, Elliot spoke gently.
"I'm sorry."
"Why?" Olivia scoffed softly, letting him know that they both contributed to this angsty conversation.
"For bringing ourselves here." Elliot replied with a shrug.
A sad smile tugged at Olivia's lips as she turned her face to the sky, the touch of snowflakes cooling her skin. Reaching out blindly, she grabbed his fingers tentatively. Elliot intertwined their fingers immediately as they gazed up at the night sky together.
"Here isn't so bad, El." Olivia whispered into the night.
Elliot's throat tightened with emotion, unable to find the words to express the depth of his feelings. Instead, he squeezed her hand gently in response.
They had a lot to go through, before being able to move forward together. But in the end, they were going to be okay.
After a long moment of standing beneath the falling snow, holding hands, Elliot gently tugged on her arm.
"Coffee?" he offered, his gaze descending on her face.
Olivia opened her eyes slowly, meeting his. A new day was beginning, a fresh start between them. A page turned, a new chapter opened in front of them.
"Please." She replied with a soft smile.
She allowed him to lead them back into the warmth of the apartment, their hands still connected, not willing to let go just yet.
The end! Hope you enjoyed it !
Musical-Aven
February 2024