Conan really should have been asleep. A full day of school and other preparations awaited him tomorrow, and their plan against the organization was already underway. With so many variables and uncertain factors, there was a lot that could go wrong. He had to be alert and focused and at his best. So he needed to sleep.
Plus, he really didn't like the trajectory of his thoughts at the moment.
As always, he started off by trying to remind himself that it was not unusual to be thinking about Kaito. He wanted to reason that it was only natural to think about his teammate's skills, and that it made perfect sense to be eager to see his friend. He knew that being near Kaito made his cheeks warm and his heart flutter and his stomach fill with butterflies, but he tried to dismiss it as an extraordinarily close friendship.
He tried so hard to ignore all the evidence, he really did. But he knew. He'd always known. Conan rolled over on his futon and muffled a miserable groan into his pillow.
On some level, the conclusion had always been there, right in plain sight, like an unopened letter lying on the counter with 'urgent' stamped across the front in glaring red ink. From the start, his plan for dealing with this had always been hopeless and honestly rather pathetic: to just pretend that the problem would magically resolve itself if he ignored it long enough. That, if he refused to open the metaphorical letter, it wouldn't become real. That, like a cartoon character, he could walk right off a cliff and not fall, as long as he didn't look down.
But the world didn't work like that, and Conan knew better. Part of him was ashamed for having been so willfully dense; however, he also knew he would've preferred to continue ignoring the issue if only it were still possible. But it clearly wasn't. Thoughts of Kaito consumed his every waking moment, and most of his dreams as well. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could picture was that beautiful smile. And whenever they were together, Conan had to resist the urge to stare at Kaito too long, to look at his lips and—
Suffice to say, not even someone as stubborn as Conan could ignore these feelings any longer. He'd tried his best, but he'd failed, so basically his life was over now.
Rather than being freeing, acknowledging his feelings just made Conan feel sick. It only brought to mind all the reasons he'd suppressed it for so long, chief among them being embarrassment. He instinctively clutched his pillow tighter to hide his burning cheeks. Had he seriously fallen for KID? How horribly stereotypical. Everyone loved KID.
And Kaito was somehow even more amazing and likable than KID. Kaito really could be with anyone he wanted, and he hadn't even made his debut as a stage magician yet. Just the thought of all the screaming fangirls he was sure to have made Conan's heart drop.
Frankly, he had about as much of a chance with Kaito as Kogoro did with Okino Yoko. Less so, since there was the additional hurdle of gender in his case. Kaito had never shown any interest in guys, let alone socially inept detectives like Conan. All the 'flirting' meant nothing; Kaito had been perfectly clear about what a hilarious joke this all was to him.
Conan inwardly winced at the memory of that night at the hospital. At the time, he'd been shocked speechless, thrown off-balance by the emotional weight of it. He simply hadn't expected or understood it, so he hadn't been able to react in time. Now, he kept finding himself fantasizing about how it could have gone differently…
But no, he shook his head to remind himself that it wouldn't have mattered. Kaito only saw him as a friend. If that, Conan realized with a sickening lurch in his gut. How much of their time together over the last few weeks was due to the contract? What if Kaito was only being friendly in order to make the best of a bad situation but secretly resented him for it? He would have every right to.
Things were even worse than that, however. Conan couldn't forget that look on Kaito's face when he mentioned the person he loved during the interview. It had seemed so… real. Did Kaito already have his eye on someone? Someone he was eager to return to after this? Conan had never asked him about it, so he shouldn't be so surprised at the idea that such a person existed. And he knew he had no business trying to get between Kaito and the one he loved.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized that confessing to Kaito would not only be stupid and pointless, but also incredibly rude. Hadn't he put Kaito through enough already without making him even more uncomfortable? Conan had already imposed upon their tenuous alliance far too much.
The solution was obvious: Conan should simply not have feelings for Kaito. There. Simple. Easy. Foolproof.
Also impossible, failed, and entirely unhelpful. Conan groaned in annoyance at his oh-so-brilliant mind as he dragged himself out of his futon. He might as well get a snack as long as he was awake and wallowing in self-pity at this hour.
He startled at seeing a moving shadow in the kitchen before he recognized Ran.
"Are you having trouble sleeping too, Conan-kun?" she whispered.
"Yeah."
"I was just making tea. Would you like some?"
He gratefully accepted, and she carried both mugs to the living room and sat on the couch. He joined her, purposely sitting close enough to touch, and hesitantly leaned over to rest his head against her arm. She gave his head a friendly pat but otherwise didn't react.
Guilt welled up in him, almost to the point of physical pain. This was Ran, his girlfriend, the person he was supposed to want to kiss. Instead, the idea churned his stomach. It felt wrong, so very wrong, and he hated himself for it. How had he let it get to this point?
He'd treated her badly ever since the day Agasa had advised him to lie to her about his identity. But no, he couldn't blame anyone else — he was the one who abandoned her at Tropical Land without so much as an explanation. Then he kept lying to her, running off on her, and asking her to wait for him time and again. And now he was struggling with his feelings on top of all that? It was unacceptable; he really was the worst.
Ran was just too nice for her own good, he thought ruefully, looking up at her with deep sadness. She should've rejected him, demanded to be treated better, or at least asked for an apology. He almost wanted to break things off just so that she could find someone better, but he dismissed the thought as soon as it came. If she left, he would fully support her, but for him to dump her after everything else he'd already put her through? Absolutely not. He was stupid, not heartless.
So what if he didn't have any romantic feelings for her right now? His head and heart were all messed up because of Kaito's constant teasing, but that was temporary. Since he refused to consider the possibility of their plan failing or of Haibara not perfecting the antidote, Conan was convinced that the organization would be defeated soon. Kaito would no longer be contractually obligated to be around him and would surely disappear from his life in a puff of smoke and go find some other hapless idiots to flirt at. Conan would be left behind, with Ran, and then he could focus on rekindling his feelings for her. He could still fix this!
How hard could it be? He just had to remind himself of all the reasons he'd fallen for her in the first place! Like… Well, like…
He blinked dumbly at the dark room, increasingly shocked and horrified as he slowly realized that he couldn't think of a single truly valid reason. Had he seriously never thought about this before? Well no, of course he hadn't. Why would he? It had always just been a fact of life that 'he liked Ran.' She was nice to him. They'd been friends for a long time. She was pretty and good at cooking. Their classmates liked to joke about them 'being married.' And he'd never thought to question the faulty assumption that all those factors somehow led to romantic love. In hindsight, it sort of sounded like he was only giving into peer pressure and settling for the first person who was patient enough to tolerate him…
Oh this was not good. He'd really messed this up, hadn't he? Maybe that was another reason he'd subconsciously avoided this topic for so long. Because what could he possibly do to fix this?
His stomach felt heavy with anxiety and dread. He knew Ran still couldn't accept her parents' separation; he shuddered to think how heartbroken she would be if he left her too. No, it just wasn't an option. He had to make their 'relationship' work, simple as that. Maybe if he thought of it as an arranged marriage? Plenty of people had arranged marriages, even if it was less common these days. So it was at least possible, right?
Well, this sucked. Really, truly, utterly sucked. He could practically feel the heartbreak constricting him and making his throat burn. How could he be so stupid? When would it stop hurting so badly? And what should he do about it? Haibara might have some suggestions.
Conan winced internally – if the idea of asking Haibara for help was this comforting, he must really be in bad shape.
Ran had finished her tea, and she shifted to get up from the couch. He started to speak but stopped himself. It felt wrong to ask her for comfort, especially about this issue — he was the one who should be comforting her, not feeling sorry for himself over his own foolish change of heart.
She looked at him quizzically, so he swallowed down his guilt and shame, said goodnight, and went back to bed. He probably deserved to be tormented with a few more sleepless hours tonight anyway.
—
Kaito really wished he could fall asleep, but his nerves were all on edge. At first it had been due to the excitement and thrill of the interview. Show business was definitely the right career for him, and part of him was very excited to start establishing himself as a stage magician as soon as possible.
But the novelty had long worn off, leaving no distractions from his other worries. The minute he'd returned home and changed out of the KID outfit, he'd promptly pulled out his phone to check his messages. There were a few overly excited ones from Aoko asking nonsensical questions about the interview, plus a message from Yuusaku congratulating him on a job well done… but nothing from Tantei-kun. Kaito texted him anyway, asking what he'd thought of the show, but he had yet to reply. Maybe he was asleep.
Or it could have something to do with all the stupid, reckless, impulsive, idiotic things Kaito had said in that damn interview. Why was he so stupid? He was supposed to be acting for the camera, not getting publicly carried away by his actual real feelings! There was just no way Conan wouldn't figure it out now. So this was it. Kaito was doomed. Well, it was a nice life.
In hindsight, it had always been a hopeless and honestly rather pathetic plan: to just pretend to be in a relationship with the one he loved, knowing full well that it would end in humiliation and heartbreak. Seriously, what kind of idiot would do something like that to themselves?
It had been wonderful while it lasted, but in the end, Haibara was right. This whole mess was his own fault for not being able to confess properly. All that nonsense he'd told her about this being a deliberate plan to slowly win Tantei-kun over was a load of improvised baloney, and they both knew it. And his mother was right too: he hadn't considered any of the consequences before jumping in.
In his defense, when he'd woken up in that hospital bed, he was mildly delirious from all the sleep deprivation, exhaustion, pain, painkillers, emotions, and the fact that Tantei-kun was cuddled up next to him, so maybe he could be excused for not thinking as clearly as usual. But the cold hard truth of the matter was that, ultimately, he was just too scared to hear the detective's answer to his confession, so he'd subconsciously fallen behind one of KID's defense mechanisms. And he'd never been able to escape from behind the safety of that lie.
The illusion he'd created between them was so effective that even many of their friends and family believed it. But Kaito knew the truth. How could he forget? The look of utter fear on Conan's face when Kaito had confessed was still seared into his mind. It left no doubt as to what the answer would be. It was one of Kaito's most painful memories. And Haibara seriously wanted him to go through that again? He'd rather eat a whole fish.
He wasn't sure why Conan had gone to such lengths to help him, even purchasing Pandora and risking his own life to save Kaito from that basement. He also didn't know what to make of Conan not telling him anything about the temporary antidote. But ultimately, it didn't really matter — he was grateful for everything Conan had done for him, including helping him get that contract. Kaito genuinely did want to help fight the organization, the contract was a far better option than the jail time he would've certainly faced otherwise, and, most importantly, it gave Kaito a reason to hang out with his detective.
Because after the takedown? Kaito wasn't sure if Conan would still want him around at all, especially if he really had realized Kaito's feelings tonight and became scared of him once again. What would Conan say? Could they still be friends after Conan rejected him? Would Kaito even want that?
He heaved a deep sigh and rubbed his eyes as if the gesture could wipe away the unpleasant thoughts. There was no point in dwelling on any of this now — whatever was going to happen between them would have to wait until after the takedown anyway.
Their plan was excellent, and Kaito was confident that it would succeed. But there was no room for error, and he didn't need the distraction of a broken heart for it. Worse, the plan involved him working very closely with Tantei-kun, and Kaito wasn't sure he could handle so much proximity right after being rejected by the love of his life. So there was no choice. No matter how much it hurt, this delusion was better than the alternative.
The answer was obvious: Kaito had to keep up the act. Everything was fine, they were happily dating, and that disastrous, reckless, stupid interview hadn't changed anything. Perfect. Easy. Foolproof. He only had to make it one more week.
Kaito rolled over in bed, burying his face in his pillow and trying to think about literally anything else. He had a feeling this was going to be a very long night.
—
Conan slept very poorly that night and woke up long before his alarm, but today he didn't mind getting up early. It was worth it to get away from those dreams he'd been having. So he dressed and got ready for school, then hopped onto his skateboard to go see Haibara for a few minutes before the day started.
"You look like shit," she greeted him mildly when she opened the door for him a few minutes later.
"Good morning to you too," he grumbled in reply, too tired for anything more witty. He followed her into the kitchen where she was preparing her bento.
"So what's bothering you?" she prompted after a moment.
"I…" he began, averting his eyes. Despite the fact that he'd come here specifically to talk to her, he still couldn't seem to get the words out. "I've just been thinking a lot," he tried instead. "I didn't get much sleep."
"You don't say," she replied, the sarcasm so thick that he could practically feel it smacking him across the face. "The bags under your eyes are so pronounced that it's making me almost want to give you coffee."
"Really? That would—"
"Almost," she repeated sharply, mercilessly crushing the one fleeting hope of brightening his morning. He sighed morosely.
"So," she asked after a moment, "what did you think of the interview last night?"
It was nice of her to give him a gentle lead-in for what he'd wanted to talk about, and he was grateful that her back was turned to him as she worked at the counter. It was better to just get this over with before he could talk himself out of it. So he took a deep breath and blurted out, "I think I might have feelings for Kaito."
Haibara stilled, not turning to look at him or moving much at all for a solid thirty seconds. He thought her shoulders were shaking slightly, but it was so subtle that he convinced himself he was imagining it. Finally, she quietly resumed her work, responding only with an unnaturally level, "Is that so," that didn't sound much like a question at all. Conan released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when it became clear that she wasn't going to make a big deal about it.
"What should I do, Haibara?" he asked with a touch of desperation.
"What do you mean?" she asked, finally finishing her lunch preparations and turning around to face him. "Why does anything need to be done? I'm sure you'll be very happy together. Congratulations."
Conan was so shocked that he couldn't help but let out a short bark of laughter. "Wow, ok. When did you get a sense of humor? Look, I appreciate that you're trying to cheer me up, but I need actual advice here! Aren't you the one who's always overly eager to tell me what to do?"
"…what do you want advice about?" she asked after a long pause, in a stiff tone more guarded than usual.
"Well, for example, I obviously need to get him to stop with all that stupid fake flirting for my own peace of mind, but I don't know if I should tell him to stop immediately or if I should wait until after the organization is gone, to avoid disrupting the team dynamics? Or maybe I don't need to bring it up at all, because he's just going to get bored and go back to his own life after the takedown anyway?"
Haibara didn't answer, didn't move, didn't even blink. Her expression, though not unfriendly, was utterly devoid of emotion.
Well, even if she was determined to be as unhelpful as possible today, Conan decided that thinking out loud might still be nice, so he continued. "And what do you think would be the right way to handle the situation with Ran? Would she be happier if I told her about this or not? Do I have to break up with her, or should I stay with her to make up for all the waiting and everything else?"
Still no response from Haibara, and still no miraculous solution appearing from midair. What had he been expecting, really? He sighed deeply and drew a hand through his hair.
"I…" Haibara finally spoke, though it was oddly strained and uneven for her. "I think you should speak to Kuroba-kun about this."
"Ha! As if!"
"I mean it. He feels the same way, Kudou-kun, so—"
"He doesn't," Conan cut her off harshly.
"I can assure you that he does—"
"And I can assure you that he doesn't," he declared firmly. "It's all a joke to him. And no, I'm not making assumptions or being 'dense' about this. He told me so directly."
Haibara seemed to startle at that, her eyes growing a few sizes wider for a moment. She opened her mouth to object, but Conan cut her off again. "He's not interested in me, Haibara. I know you wanted to see it happen for some weird reason, but he's just not. And insisting that he is will only make me feel worse, so please don't. I need to figure out how to get over this, not be given false hope. Don't you have any actual advice?"
"I… I really think you should speak to Kuroba-kun about this," she repeated quietly, again in that weirdly neutral tone.
"Yeah, I'm not going to do that. Any other ideas?"
She frowned and pressed her lips into a thin line. Conan waited a moment, then shrugged as casually as he could. "Never mind, then. I'll figure something out. Thanks anyway."
For the remaining few minutes until they had to leave for school, he crouched in the living room to pet Fuwa-san while she leaned against the wall staring silently at her feet and hiding her expression from him.
In the end, she did give him a large mug of coffee, which was probably more effective than any advice would've been anyway.
—
When they left school that afternoon and met Kaito at the front gates, Haibara could only watch helplessly as Conan barely managed a formal greeting, walked straight past him and the offered juice box, shoved his hands deep into his pockets to avoid having them held, and continued resolutely down the path toward the Kudou Manor without looking back.
Haibara cast a look at Kaito, silently pleading with him to do something. Kaito was still crouching, holding the juice box, head rotating to watch Conan leave the school grounds. When he straightened himself and stood up, Haibara was appalled to see him wearing a relaxed, casually arrogant, and professionally neutral expression. Her distress must've been evident on her face, because he tried to silently reassure her with one of KID's infamous smirks, a cruel mockery of his real smile.
"Kuroba-kun…" she began quietly, urgently, trying desperately to convey her sincerity. But he held up his hand in a stop gesture and showed her a brief flicker of real emotion to communicate just how much he didn't want to hear it. Then he resumed the Poker Face and turned on his heel to casually stroll after Conan, whistling some empty tune as he went.
Haibara hated this. It was torturous, having to stand at the sidelines and watch them both self-destruct for no reason. It was like watching a train wreck, knowing it was hurting people you cared about yet not being able to stop it. After what had happened last time, she'd lost confidence in her ability to give advice without accidentally driving people away or making things worse. And, from the additional information Conan had provided her this morning, it was now clear that she didn't understand the situation well enough to help anyway.
She didn't know what to do, when to step in, or what to say. And that terrified her.
—
Genta, Ayumi, and Mitsuhiko watched in confusion as Conan ignored Kaito, Kaito pretended not to care, and then both of them walked away at an unnatural distance from each other, not even holding hands like always.
"Um… are they ok?" Ayumi asked with concern.
"Conan-kun was acting weird all day!" Genta complained. "It's probably because of a case he's hiding from us!"
"I've never seen him this upset about a case," Mitsuhiko said solemnly. "It must be something about Kaito-kun. Do you think they had a fight?"
"But why would they fight?" Ayumi said, her bottom lip wobbling. "They always get along so well all the time!"
"Maybe he's upset because Kaitou KID was on TV last night," Genta suggested. "Conan likes KID, right?"
"But doesn't KID like Conan too?" Mitsuhiko pointed out.
"Oh yeah…" Genta said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"Haibara," Ayumi asked, turning to face her with large, pleading eyes, "Do you know what happened?"
"…no," Haibara said softly. But she'd apparently hesitated for just long enough that all the children were now suspicious and teamed up against her.
"I bet you do know!" Genta accused her. "Tell us!"
"They did have a fight, didn't they?" Mitsuhiko insisted. "What happened?"
"It…" Haibara hesitated, hugging her arm and looking away. "It's just a misunderstanding. They… they won't talk to each other about something important."
"What?" Genta cried. "Why not? That's stupid!"
Haibara shrugged weakly, unable to argue that.
"Then we have to help them!" Ayumi exclaimed with determination.
"Yeah!" Mitsuhiko agreed. "Maybe we can convince them to make up from their fight if we remind them how much fun they have together!"
"Oh, we can make a photo book!" Ayumi said eagerly. "Haibara, will you help us? You're always taking secret pictures of them, right?"
"That's true," Haibara agreed quietly. She found herself smiling slightly, touched by the children's eagerness and desire to help. They had even less information about the problem than she did, but absolutely zero self-confidence issues about jumping right in to help. It was refreshing.
"Ok!" Genta shouted. "Detective Boys, this is our most important mission yet! Let's go!"
So, with their usual rallying cry, they jumped in unison and ran to Ayumi's house, where all the colored paper, crayons, glitter glue, and other necessary supplies awaited them.