Hello! Enjoy!

I tried Armin's meditation idea again. And it would seem my dalliance with darkness had worked, I found myself no longer falling, but walking through the vast white space. There was control, purpose, calm. Images still fluttered past, and the noise sometimes rose to insane levels, but ultimately I could focus and try to sort through the madness. The girl had not reappeared yet. But that didn't make her any less threatening even in hindsight. She would be there somewhere. Still, I had to keep going, to find some semblance of understanding amongst all this noise and information. What did this space mean? What even was this strange white space? It felt less tangible than when I had been at the podium, and a gut feeling told me that wouldn't be a case of me training through that, I needed to be at the podium. At the Source. But at least this way I could practise some.

It took its toll of course. Like any other kind of training would, but it already felt like I had more of a handle on things. I had stopped getting nosebleeds by the fourth day of training, much to my and Levi's delight. He kept close watch, while he did reports and paperwork for Hanji. It was so odd to see the mundane side of things rumbling alongside this new weirdness. But it made sense. As important as my new role might be, that didn't stop the everyday from being vital. Levi had also helped Hanji take more detailed sketches of my back, the marks clearly being important beyond what any of us had previously thought. Though admittedly, he was mainly sorting them and making sure I wasn't cold – again, my Captain is not gifted in the drawing way of things.

And when it wasn't the meditation stuff or back sketches, I went riding on patrols with Levi. He didn't want me to exert myself too much, his worries over the toll of my newfound connection to the Source no doubt far deeper than he had even admitted to me. But I had to keep active in a physical sense as well. The first few days I had indulged his want for me to rest, but then I just got antsy and fidgety. I nearly drove Armin to distraction with all my pestering. So patrols it was.

The shorelines remained quiet, and it seemed like our most recent visit from that ship had been intended as a reconnaissance mission. So they wouldn't be expected back for some time, and the Marleans wouldn't be sending more either. Turns out if you're decent to people and talk to them like fellow humans, they tend to open up easier. The Captain, and gradually the rest of the crew, had warmed to us. We remained careful, it could be a ploy simply to escape, but there seemed to be genuine bonds appearing. They would ask about the Titans, and about how the walled cities worked on the island. We gave as much information as seemed sensible. Both sides were wary of course, but as we hit the month mark, I could genuinely claim to look forward to when it was time to visit the 'prisoners'. They were let out every so often to get fresh air and exercise, and so I had had the chance to guard and therefore converse with most of them. Turns out, if you give someone a chance, you can see beyond their last name.

The Sanshi devil was just a woman. A normal woman with a couple more scars than they did.

And as they came to realise that I think it helped them see the Eldian people as a whole with less 'demonic' connotations. We're all just human. Stupid humans with far too much bickering going on, but humans all the same. And it gave me hope. When it came right down to it, alongside my fears and my ongoing cynical self, I had hope. And in this world… That was probably one of the most dangerous weapons available.

The snows had come late this year, but they were finally starting to settle on the grounds. It was time to leave only a skeleton patrol out at the shoreline, while the rest of us returned to proper HQ.

Soon the cells would be incredibly cold. Levi had been worried at one point about me being stuck down there when I imprisoned myself, when we had feared the phrasing so much, when we had been so uncertain of things. Plenty was still uncertain but it felt more… settled. I felt like I had ground beneath my feet instead of shifting sands. And now, as we unpacked and got ourselves back into the mindset of stone walls rather than tents, Valerie had requested speaking to me. Of all people, me. The Sanshi rat. Alright… Someone else to deal with, another shadow to cast away.

Stood before the cell I drank in her diminished image. The glasses were missing of course, but the haughty attitude remained front and centre, even with everything else being so rundown. Dirt clung to her tattered basic clothes and some lingered on her skin. We supplied the means to bathe every other day, but it didn't seem like she was all that enthusiastic about basin baths. Too bad. She turned to me, eyes squinting for a moment before her nose wrinkled in the lantern light.

I dipped my head. "Valerie."

"I'd say good evening but truly I have no idea what time of day it is." She sighed leaning back against the wall, playing with her chain in a bored manner. But the keen gaze remained fixed on me. I clasped my hands behind my back, there was no need to show her the lingering tremor. Even now, with her chained and worn down in that cell, perfectly safe and contained, my heart raced. Why did she still affect me so badly?

"You requested speaking to me, so get on with it, I have things to do."

Levi was stood just to my right, out of sight of the damned woman, but within a safe distance should I need help. We weren't taking any chances. Not when it came to this beastly woman.

She looked me over. "You killed them, didn't you?"

"Your lackeys? Yes."

"They were loyal Cloaks, they had purest hearts and–"

I kicked the bars, but kept my face impassive. "Let's not talk about purity, shall we? Now then, was confirmation of their deaths all you wanted?"

"No." She sat up on her knees and clasped her hands as if she was praying. "I wish to find reason with you."

I blinked. No punchline came.

She was serious.

I took a long breath and slowly let it release. "Reason with what?"

"Release me, stop this foolish notion of breaking the golden cycle. We Eldians need it. It is our life-force, our means of retaking the world as it was meant to be, ours."

Oh. Oh. She had jumped deep off the crazy cliff since we had locked her up, hadn't she?

"Eldians are meant to rule the world, you say?" I glanced at Levi, and he was scribbling already. "And you know that how?"

She bared her teeth. "Don't you feel it? You of all people, a Sanshi, should feel it. The call to rule, to lead this damned world forward instead of to the darkness like the Marleans intend."

"Thought I was just a Sanshi rat?"

Valerie snorted. "Even as low a rank as you feels it, that's my point. Look, our differences aside, you have to stop what you're doing. It's madness. We can–"

"Ok I'm done here. This isn't helpful, it's just brainwashed madness from a megalomaniac." I walked away, I had far too much to be doing with my time without this nonsense. "Leave her to rot in her madness."

"Foolish wretch!" She screeched from her cell. "I am delayed perhaps, a set-back even. But no. I haven't failed! I have too many back-ups to have failed. Patience is something that good breeding gives you, I am infused with the knowledge I will succeed. All you're infused with is a confused sense of purpose and a hankering for shitty Captains." She laughed harshly and I found myself slowing, looking back in distaste as her venom continued. "Or should I say, shitty men that can't even protect you? Never ever. Not once, twice or… dozens of times…"

What the hell did that mea–

Memory bubbled up like oil slick in a muddy puddle. He had killed so many of them. So many girls that looked like me. Snapping them like twigs. My Captain. My poor Captain.

"Ackerman?" My Captain spoke, trying to be formal, trying to reach me, trying to–

I'm useless. They beat me in front of him, run the script, laugh at my pain. And he laughed too. Just that once. But it cut deeper than any of their knives.

Valerie giggled. "Feeling okay, Robyn?"

My knees wobbled but I held onto the wall beside me as my vision cleared. I panted hard, staring ahead at the gloom, the lantern beside us flickering in the damp. What the hell did I just see?

"Ackerman?" Levi tried again, gently touching my shoulder. But with those echoes running through my mind, I can't help but flinch away from him. When really I'm flinching away from the laughter. His laughter. Shit. Levi glanced back at the cell. "She's doing something, isn't she?"

"No idea." I choked. "We need to–"

Hands clenched tight as my Captain cursed my name, voice raw and cracked by the time those girl's eyes finally dulled. So many. So many girls who fit my description. On and on it went, his hands tightened like vices round those pale slender throats. They begged for mercy. No use. Snap. Snap. Snap. Like a child playing with fire-crackers upon the cobbles of town.

I jolted free of the images. How was she triggering that?

"We need some help down here!" Levi bellowed, trying to get me upright but I wriggled free of him. "Robyn?"

"No, wait. This… This is something to do with being royal… Some more of their bullshit." I panted, eyes watering and head swimming. But an idea had formed. Memories. She was good with manipulating memories. So maybe I could access her, maybe I could learn some more? I strode back to the cell. I unlocked the door.

Valerie's grin faded. She looked me up and down. "The hell do you think you're doing?"

"Robyn, wait!" Levi grabbed my wrist. "What're you going to do? It's too soon to–"

"She's reaching into my mind somehow. So I'm fucking reaching back." I pulled my hand free and strode over to her, the woman having the audacity to try and scramble away. How fittingly parallel. "Nowhere to run, bitch."

I grabbed her head and searched for that white space. Images surged through my mind; the walls, temples, underground passages between their hideouts and little weasel escapes. Royal households. The corruption we had already burned out of our society. Kenny – I saw him laid out like a victim, just how we had been. And I saw Valerie, training others, whipping them, following her own sordid Father's lead, smiling at herself in the mirror. And the noise. Laughter. Wine glasses clinking. Screams. My own voice was mixed in with others, same with Levi. More laughter. And more buildings. A few I recognised, but even the ones I didn't, the architecture told me enough. Stohess.

"Robyn!"

But I couldn't respond. There was too much to learn, too much to do, too much to see. I sunk deeper, I clawed further. She squirmed under me, pleading and wailing. No chance. I'm not done with you yet. A strange land came into view, so unlike our own I had to assume it was Marley. And she is talking with someone very official looking. Shit. Zeke was there. Zeke? Eren's half brother. Had I known that? Valerie did at least. My mind ached. I went further, but the momentum began to pick up. Noises raged in my ears, places rushed past, faces too. Keep it in mind. Remember dammit. It'll all be useful, finally it'll be useful. Her father. Her boss. Her fellow cloaks and their shitty work melding the minds of children. And me, myself on the floor before her, under her boot, at the mercy of her will, my screams so pleasant to her ears. She not only watched, she enjoyed watching my torment.

I ripped myself free, shivering all over as I stared down at her. She stared up at me, wide-eyed with fear. I knew now. This woman wasn't human.

She breathed in wheezes, her nose bloodied. "How did you–"

"You're nothing." I whispered, clutching her throat and throwing her into the back corner. "You're not worth a damn thing."

And then I left. I strode out, mind and body fizzing as I climbed the stairs. My Captain was right behind me, only pausing to relock the cell before being quickly on my heels again. And he stayed quiet until I had left the cells, only just missed colliding with some cadets and got myself into a side room where we sometimes had meetings.

Once inside, and as soon as I heard the door click behind us, I braced against my knees and breathed as deeply as I could. Levi opened some windows. I continued to gulp at the air. So much. There had been so much. A lifetime's worth of information, hatred and evil. And yet so clearly she had remembered my screams, like she prized that memory above the others.

"Fuck!" I bellowed, it ripping out of me, like it might soften the poison behind my eyes.

"Rob–"

"Fuck!" I screamed, grabbing the table and upending it, raking my hands through my hair, pacing, trying to grab onto something that would stop this spiral of noise so I could at least explain to Levi what the hell was happening.

She'll be dead soon enough anyway. Keep it going as long as you can, use the rat till she's spent.

I jolted and grabbed a nearby bin to vomit into.

Once he's killed her, and the Scouts have fallen, we can finally take it all back. Paradis will indeed remain perfect. Oh yes, I know, it's a shame to lose such a valuable weapon but… Well in all honesty I don't think Vincent Sanshi managed a damn thing, I don't think she is a weapon, Daddy.

"Bitch…" I choked, vomiting again. I had seen her father, that was right. A bastard in a White Cloak, blonde hair, smarmy smile. A family business, was it? Shit. Bastards could all burn in hell for what they had done to this place.

"Robyn breathe, please. You're gonna pass out if you keep this up." Levi put a hand against my back. "The hell did you do to her anyway?"

Once I could take a steady breath, I straightened up and perched on a nearby table I hadn't flung across the room. I was shaking, but I was also exhilarated. Levi got me some water.

"She was showing me shit." I panted, swallowing hard as my voice scratched after my yelling. "Memories or something. I think they were from captivity… A-Anyway, she mentioned being related to me, right? Well, I figure if that's true, then she might have some of this Source shit like I do. Maybe. Some memory stuff. So I tried to latch onto her like I do the Source… And I saw everything."

"Everything?" He repeated, holding out the water before sitting by me, offering a handkerchief for my still bleeding nose. Damn I was making a bit of a mess wasn't I?

I held the cloth to my nose. "I saw a bunch of their locations, her father… At least someone she called that. Other cloak members, they have a lot of places in Stohess by the way. And…" My breathing hitched, my body shuddering. "And I saw how much she enjoyed it."

"It?"

"Tormenting me." I whispered, closing my eyes and then opening them again when seeing myself in that cell, so small and crumpled. "She's not fucking human."

"No, but she is locked up. She can't hurt you anymore." Levi tucked my hair back and looked me over. "Are you hurt?"

"Don't think so." I breathed and laid back on the table. The mania subsiding, the exhilaration giving way to a contentedness and calm. My body fizzed, but it was more like the memory of pins and needles than anything else. "If anything I feel fucking empowered."

"I bet she didn't see that coming." He murmured and I chuckled. "Think you can do that to anyone?"

"Doubt it. But it would seem that in some tenuous sense, we are related. No wonder she says Sanshi rat with such venom. She is one." I snorted. "At least partially. Bitch called him Daddy…" My mind began to tick and I stared up at the ceiling, watching the sunshine wash across the beams. A moment later Levi leaned into view, brow raised. I bit my lip. "What if I can tap into my own memories like that?"

He blinked. "Might work, but do not do it right now."

"Oh c'mon I'll be–"

"Robyn." He pulled me upright and pointed at my collar. I looked down and undid a couple shirt buttons. Oh. "It wasn't much more than twenty seconds, but clearly it took a higher toll than the Source stuff. Your chest is almost like coal for fuck's sake. Those veins are everywhere. Do not do it now."

I laid my hand there, feeling the icy temperature of my own skin. It was hard too, like marble, like the crystal that Annie Leonhart had used. I nodded and redid the buttons. He was correct. Of course he was. I had to be careful, or else this new power wasn't going to do a damn thing except fulfil Valerie's wishes in getting me killed.

And I wasn't about to let her enjoy that.

No. She was going to lose, the White Cloaks were going to lose.

They'd lose everything, and finally, we would win.

Cheers, cya next time!