JENNIE
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Breakfast? was the text that woke me up the next morning. It was Saturday and after ten, so it was time for me to crawl out of bed anyway.
I'd replied Yes. And then got up and quickly dressed. In the dark. Like always.
Lisa met me outside my dorm with a cup of coffee twenty minutes later. After last night I wasn't sure what to expect next, but this had not been it. Her slightly-too-long dark hair was tucked behind her ears, and she wore a tight gray T-shirt with the Kappa Sigma crest on the front. The jeans she was wearing weren't bad either. She definitely turned heads when she wore them.
"Morning," she said with a sleepy smile. It was well after ten now, but it was still too early for her.
"Good morning and thank you," I replied, taking the coffee.
"Sleep good?"
I nodded and took a sip. I had actually slept really well. I wasn't sure if it was exhaustion or my decision to date Lisa.
"You good with going in to Nashville and getting something to eat?"
The only other good breakfast place around here was the one where I had run out on her, and I didn't want to remember that.
"Sure," I replied.
"I need to go see my uncle, too. He's back in the hospital. The chemo has been hard on him. Want to ride with me? Maybe stop by and see your folks?"
That I hadn't planned on. Going back home and facing Tae and my memories. I missed my parents and seeing them would be nice. Lisa needed to see her uncle, and she obviously didn't want to go alone.
"Okay," I said before I could talk myself out of it.
"I'd like you to meet Uncle D. I told him about you this summer and he's curious."
"You told him about me?" I asked, surprised.
"Hell yeah, you were the most interesting thing happening up at the hospital."
I had told Tae about her, too. While I talked to him at night. I decided not to bring that up with Lisa. We walked out to her Jeep and she opened the door for me. Again. Something Tae had always done. Something I didn't expect from Lisa.
"Thank you," I said, feeling almost ashamed that I was so surprised by this.
She smirked as if she knew what I had been thinking, then went around to her door and climbed in. Her Jeep smelled of her. Her cologne. I liked it in here.
When she pulled out onto the road, I glanced over at her and decided I didn't really know much about her at all. She knew much more about me. But then, she'd asked. She'd tried to find out. I'd done nothing like that.
"Have you always lived with your uncle?" I asked.
"Since I was six. My dad ran off on my mom shortly after I was born. Never knew the man. And my mom died from a bad case of pneumonia when I was six. She didn't have medical insurance and one day she just didn't wake up. Her older brother was her only living relative and he came to pick me up."
While she was telling me, my chest grew tight and began to ache. "How long were you alone with her before someone came to check on you?" I asked through the lump forming in my throat.
"When she didn't wake up for a whole day I called 911. She'd taught me if I thought something was wrong and she couldn't help me to call 911. I often wonder if I'd called sooner if they could have saved her. But I was just a kid. Uncle D helped me work through that guilt."
All I had known was security. It's all I'd ever seen. In my life and in Tae's. Now Lisa was watching the man who had raised her slowly die and it seemed so unfair. She'd suffered enough.
After the accident I had been so focused on Tae that I never considered how easy our lives had been until that moment. To me, nothing could have been as terrible. Yet it could have. Things could always be worse.
"You were smart to call 911. I don't know if I'd have thought to do that at six," I admitted.
She shrugged. "You would have. I think kids think things through and make smart decisions before adults do. Oftentimes adults panic and react poorly."
There was so much I didn't know about Lisa, but the more I heard, the more I respected her. Sure, she liked to sleep around and she was aware that her good looks could get her her way, but her life hadn't been an easy one.
"So you began working on a farm when you moved in with your uncle?"
She nodded, then grinned like it was a fond memory. "Yeah. Uncle D doesn't believe in feeling sorry for yourself. He had me out learning to feed the chickens and getting their eggs the day after my mother's funeral. I hadn't even started my new school yet or unpacked in my new room. I worked two full hours on his farm before I got to go inside and get ready for school. It was hard work, but I think it was what got me through those first few months. Losing my mom, moving five hours away from the only life I knew, a new home, a man I hardly knew being all I had—it was a lot for a six-year-old to adjust to. The work on the farm helped me. I didn't sit and think about it too much."
When I was six, I was playing with dolls and begging to go to the park. The ice cream truck would come down our street playing its music loudly and I would meet Tae outside to go get an ice pop. It had been a storybook life where nothing bad ever touched us.
"He sounds like a good man," I said simply.
Lisa chuckled. "Yeah, he is. He also uses foul language and says whatever he's thinking. His temper is terrible, but he never hurts anyone. Just yells and fusses a lot."
I looked forward to meeting her. Seeing another part of Lisa's life. The more I knew, the more I realized just how special she really was. That was probably dangerous talk and I didn't need to think of Lisa as special. But I did … because she was.
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Walking back into the hospital where I'd spent most of my summer was more difficult than I imagined. The things I'd been able to put out of my mind while I was at Bington were resurfacing. Like the night we'd come here after the wreck, and being told Tae was in a coma. Not memories I liked to think about.
I wanted to see Tae while I was here. Even if it wasn't a scheduled time Juliet was prepared for. I was past letting her make all the decisions.
Every other nurse we passed waved, winked, and called out a hello to Lisa as we passed. I was trying not to count them, but it was hard when it never seemed to end.
"Wipe that judgmental expression off your face. I didn't fuck all of them," she said a little too loudly as we stepped onto the elevator.
"I don't have that expression on my face," I argued, and she just laughed and shook her head.
I probably was making a face.
"Now you're frowning," she added, still grinning.
I glanced up at her. "Why are you watching my face?"
"Because it's cute."
Oh.
The elevator door opened and my thoughts went to meeting her uncle. This was important. I already respected this man. No matter how many times he cursed while we were in there.
"Uncle D was a big man once. The cancer has slowly beaten his body down. But when I was a kid, he was like the Incredible Hulk to me. He could do anything. It's hard to see him so frail now."
Lisa was preparing me, or maybe she was preparing herself. The little girl in her needed reminding that the big man she knew wasn't there anymore. The lump threatened in my throat again and I mentally scolded myself. I couldn't get emotional. She needed me to be strong.
"Here we are," she said, knocking on the door once before turning the knob and going inside.
"It's about motherfucking time you got your sorry ass down here to see me. Hell, girl, I could be dead in a week." A deep voice—not one I imagined from a frail man—filled the room.
"Stop your bitching. I'm here, ain't I? And I brought something nice to look at."
I stepped around Lisa to see a man you could tell once had a big build, but his body was thin and pale now. The sickness had taken so much of him. His pale blue eyes met mine and he began to smile.
"Well, Jesus, Mary, and the cradle, it's a woman that ain't half-dressed and hanging on your arm like a common prostitute."
"Uncle D, this is my friend Jennie Kim. I told you about her this summer. Her boyfriend is the one in a coma. Jennie, this is my uncle D."
He continued to study me. "How's that boyfriend of yours? Opened his eyes yet?"
I shook my head. "No, sir. He hasn't."
He frowned. "Well, he better fucking hurry that shit up before you get hitched to someone else. Pretty girls like you don't stay single long."
"Have you eaten today?" Lisa interrupted him.
Her uncle shot her a disgusted look. "I ain't saying nothing I shouldn't. Stop trying to change the subject. And no, I ain't eatin' that shit they bring me. Pure ol' horse dung would taste better."
He turned his weak gaze back to me. "Now, you don't go getting any ideas about this one." He raised his gnarled hand and pointed at Lisa. "She ain't for the likes of you. She can't stay with just one. Not in her. Sure as she realized she had a face that made women's panties fall off, she started using it. Shame, it is. A good girl like you would be the thing to give her the life she always liked to pretend she had."
"You gotta eat something," Lisa said. "What do you want? I'll go get it."
This time I had to cover my mouth from the giggle that bubbled up when Uncle D rolled his eyes before looking back at Lisa. "Girl, if'n I want something to eat, I'll tell you. Now stop being so goddamn rude and let me talk to this girl. She needs some wisdom from an old geezer like me who has seen it all."
Lisa sighed and walked over to the sofa under the window and waved her hand for me to have a seat. "Might as well get comfortable. I don't think he's close to easing up."
I went over and sat down beside Lisa. Her uncle was entertaining, and I liked the way he and Lisa bantered with each other.
"Now, tell me about school and how you're both doin'. It's important to get the schoolin' or you'll end up like me, working on a farm your whole life."
Lisa leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'll let you go first," she told me.
"It's harder than I was prepared for, but I've been spending a lot of time in the library." My cheeks heated at the mention of the library, and I hoped Lisa didn't notice. Thinking about her and the girl in the stacks wasn't the mental image I needed at the moment. "It's helped get my mind off everything else, though."
Uncle D turned his gaze to Lisa. "And you, girl? You still fucking in the library or you studying, too?"
A laugh burst out of me and Lisa just shook her head. "You're not even gonna give me a break with company here, are you?"
Uncle D raised what would have been his eyebrows if he hadn't lost all the hair on his head and face to the chemo. "You thinking she don't know? Hell, she's heard it all about you, I'd wager. It's a miracle she's seen in public with you."
"We're friends," Lisa informed him.
Uncle D made a huffing noise and waved Lisa's comment away. "Ain't nothing about that girl meant for friendship. You see her and you want her. She's just too good and clean for ya. Or that's what you think. But hear me now, 'cause I know what I'm talking about. That girl wouldn't be here with you visiting your sick dying uncle if she didn't care about you. So you get that shit out of your head and be smart. Be fucking smart for once. Don't let the thrill of a skirt and easy sex mess this up for you. The best sex ain't easy. You just don't know it yet."
If my face could get any warmer, I would be surprised. I knew I was blood-red. The heat radiating off my cheeks was enough to warm the room.
"Okay, that's enough," Lisa said. "Let me get you something to eat. I think we've had enough wisdom for the day."
But her uncle D wasn't finished. He looked at me. "She's been a whore. I'll be the first to tell you. But that ain't affected her heart any. That girl's got the biggest one I've ever seen. When she loves, she loves big. She doesn't let you down and she stands by you no matter what. I know it because she loves me. Don't let her past mistakes and possibly her future mistakes let you miss out on being loved by a heart that damn big."
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The awkwardness from Uncle D's advice had eventually faded when he began talking about the hot nurse that hadn't been in today and how he'd eat peanut butter and crackers if she'd feed him.
I enjoyed being around Lisa's uncle. She was right: Uncle D had no filter and said whatever he was thinking. Every time I remembered he was sick and dying, my heart ached. I didn't like to think of him being gone. The love and respect in Lisa's face when she looked at her uncle was obvious. It also made complete sense as to how Lisa had turned out the way she had.
Next we headed for Tae room. I wasn't sure what made me more nervous—having Lisa with me or Juliet's reaction to the sight of me.
"Why don't you go on in alone? I'll get a Coke and wait out here." I could argue with her that no, she should come, too, but I didn't. Because the idea of her coming with me was part of what was making me nervous. It wasn't like Tae would see us together and know something. It just … it was cheating. At least, that's what it felt like.
"Okay," I agreed. She squeezed my hand.
"Go see him. Talk to him. I'll be waiting."
That. That right there was what made Lisa special. It was hard to pretend she wasn't special when she did things like that. What girl was so understanding in a situation like this? I hadn't known one.
I knocked on the door lightly before slowly opening the door and stepping inside. Juliet was, of course, sitting by Tae's side and a book lay open in her lap. Her eyes locked with mine and her eyebrows rose in surprise.
"Jennie, I didn't know you were home," she said, studying me.
"I'm just here today. I wanted to come see him. I should have called. But it was a last-minute decision."
She seemed to be okay with that. Thank goodness. "I'm sure he'll be happy to hear your voice. JK was here a few days ago and read to him. I think he had more brain activity. He needs voices other than mine."
I walked over to the side of his bed. "He looks good," I said, not really meaning it. He was thin. Nothing like the muscular athlete he had been. It was hard to see him like this. I wanted him to open his eyes and look at me.
"Yes, he does look better these days. I think he's getting ready to wake up soon." The hope in her voice was clear. I hoped the same thing, but saying it was difficult.
She stood up. "I'll let you talk to him. I need to go get something to eat anyway. Take your time."
This was different. Very unlike her, but then, I wasn't camping out in the waiting room anymore. I nodded.
When the door closed behind her, I looked back down at Tae. So many memories. Where once I had thought it was all good things, I knew now that there were memories that weren't so good. Like the way I had changed for him. Without meaning to. That would never be the same. When he woke up, I wasn't doing that again. I loved him. He was a part of every memory I had of growing up. But I had to be me. And he had to love me for me.
"College is a lot like we imagined. I've made friends. You'd like them. You'd like everything about Bington. It was a good choice. I'm glad you picked it. Even if I hadn't been on board at first."
He lay there sleeping. So I talked more. "I miss you, but I'm finding a way to move on. To live. Life without you seemed impossible at first. I wasn't willing to even try. But I knew you'd want me to. So I am."
I looked around the room that had become a part of his life. His existence. "You'll wake up soon. Things will be different. For both of us. I'm worried about that. Even a little scared. I'm not the same girl I was on graduation night. And I know you won't be the same, either. This isn't exactly what I imagined when we talked about growing up."
Again, nothing. Just the silence. I stood there and watched him breathe until his mother returned with a bottle of water in her hands. Saying good-bye was easier than I thought it would be. My life was truly changing.
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Once we were back in the Jeep, Lisa didn't ask me questions about Tae. Nor did she mention anything her uncle had said. I had actually expected her to do both, but she acted as if there was nothing to talk about. So I went along with it. She was quiet, and I could tell seeing her uncle so sick was hard on her. Leaving him had seemed to be the most difficult.
My parents were expecting us, and so was the rest of the family, apparently, because all their cars were parked out front when we pulled up. I had given my mom a call after breakfast to let her know we were visiting Lisa's uncle and Tae, then stopping by to see them. She insisted we eat dinner with them.
Lisa had seemed on board with the idea. The only one missing was JK, who was back at Bington. He worked Saturday nights at a local radio station. I also didn't let him know I was going anywhere with Lisa. I had seen and heard enough already. I didn't need his warnings.
"So it seems that the rest of the family will be joining us for dinner," I said, feeling like this was a bit unfair. Lisa hadn't agreed to the whole family thing. "My brothers and I are close. They aren't used to me being gone all the time. Han you won't see tonight because he's a Marine and on active duty. But the others are all here."
Lisa nodded and smiled, but the smile wasn't as genuine as it had been before we visited her uncle. It had been hard on her. Again, I wanted to hug her and tell her it would be all right. But the truth was, it wouldn't be, and we both knew it. Her uncle D's time was limited.
"It's okay. I like the Kim family members I've met so far. I'm sure everyone else is just as cool."
They were. I loved my family, and after spending the day with Lisa and her uncle I realized I was incredibly lucky to have the large family I had. No sickness had touched us. No death. Tae had been the biggest tragedy we faced. And I still believed he would open his eyes one day.
"Okay. Well, the food will be good. More than likely one of my favorites. You can expect red velvet cake for dessert."
"Momma's baby has come home for a visit," she teased.
I nodded. Because she was right. "Yep."
I opened the door and waved her inside. "Here we are."
The house wasn't huge. It was big enough for us, though. The foyer had a coat rack that currently held two rain jackets, an umbrella, Mom's purse, and her reusable shopping bags. The stairs were right around the corner leading up to the four bedrooms. One for my parents, one for me, one that JK and Han had shared, and one that Jackson and Kai had shared. They all still remained the way they had been left when the others had moved out. Except there was a baby bed in Jackson and Kai's old room. The girls had outgrown the baby bed, but it was waiting on the next grandchild.
Voices from the kitchen and living room were so loud they hadn't even realized we were here. This was typical of my family. Everyone was always trying to out-talk the others.
"Jennie!!" Maddy was the first to see us. She screamed my name and ran at me with her arms up in the air.
I bent down to catch her just as my mother, father, Malyn, and Jisoo all came out of the kitchen. Kai and his fiancée, Krystal, came from the living room with Jackson.
"I didn't even hear y'all come in," Momma said, wiping her hands on her pink polka-dot apron that the girls had painted for her last Mother's Day.
"I expect not with all the talking that was going on. Everyone, this is Lisa Manoban. She is a friend of mine and one of JK's frat buddies," I said. Then I turned back to Lisa. "You've met Jackson and the girls. This is Jisoo, Jack's wife and the girls' mother." I then went on to make the rest of the introductions.
Dad shook his hand, as did Kai. When I was finished, Maddy decided to remind us that she'd seen Lisa kiss a nurse. Lisa was never going to live that down with the girls. Jackson had quickly hushed her up, and I smiled over at Lisa. She needed to be careful where she kissed people.
The table was already set and I was sure Mom had put Jisoo and the boys to work as soon as they got here. We had a long, wide farm table that my dad had made just after he and Mom got married. We filled it up now, and over the years he'd had to make two benches for either side to fit everyone.
Right down the middle was where the food was placed and we passed it all around to fix our plates. I scooted in to sit beside Maddy and let Lisa take the end seat. "How's your uncle?" my mother asked as soon as plates were filled and everyone was comfortable.
"He's tough," Lisa said, "but he's not getting better."
Mom looked at her in a way only a concerned mother could. "Well, we are here if you ever need us to take him something. Meals, or just to check on him. Don't hesitate to call. I was thinking of sending Jackson up there with a plate tomorrow. We always have so many leftovers."
"I'm sure he'd like that. He hates the hospital food. His appetite isn't much these days."
Mom nodded, and I was willing to bet that Uncle D got a hot meal from her every day from now on. She, however, never mentioned Tae or asked about my visit with him. I figured Lisa's being here had her keeping quiet about that.
"I was hoping JK could make it home tonight. He didn't have time to stop by the other day and it's not easy with y'all both being gone," Momma said, looking down at her food.
"Yeah, me and Kai aren't enough to keep her happy. If Kai and Krystal would hurry up and get hitched and shoot out some kids, then she'd have something else to worry over. The girls are getting too big now, and she needs a baby to tend to." Jackson was teasing, but there was truth to his words.
"Leave your momma alone. She's doing just fine. We're all glad Jennie is off at school and living her life again. Ain't no one wishing she hadn't gone," Dad piped up before soaking his corn bread in turnip greens and taking a bite.
"How are classes?" Jisoo asked me, changing the subject before the boys could keep on.
"Good. Harder than I was prepared for, but I'm managing."
"So how is JK adjusting to the frat house life?" Kai directed his question to Lisa.
The rest of the dinner went just as smoothly. Lisa laughed at stories my brothers told about my childhood, and although some were very embarrassing, it was making Lisa laugh so I let it go.
When we left, both my parents told Lisa to come back anytime. That she didn't need me to get a good meal. For that, I hugged my parents. Simply because they had no idea what they had offered Lisa. Something she'd never really had. A big family.
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