Anybodys shot daggers at the third news reporter to have clumsily bumped into him within the hour before handing his fiance and the soon to be star of a weirdly in demand botanical TV interview the hairspray she had requested from him, receiving a warm smile and a phrase that was almost entirely drowned out by the commotion around them but was probably an expression of gratitude in return. He returned her smile along with a thumbs up for good luck as she used the hairspray to make some sort of change to her hairstyle that was imperceivable to him, then quickly accepted it back from her after the obnoxiously bright overhead lights dimmed briefly and the interviewer took his place beside her. "Welcome, America, to the first weekly gardening show to be hosted on ABC: Audrey Fulquard's Gardening Tips! Ms. Fulquard, there are many questions the people in our television audience have for you. Can you tell our viewers at home and elsewhere about this particularly amazing agricultural phenomenon that's made you one of the most talked about plant scientists in the..." Audrey and the man froze as Everybodys dramatically collapsed to the floor, and the man continued a second later.
"Cut! What happened to the goddamned greenery?" Anybodys moved to Audrey's side as she hesitantly reached out and placed a hand on its head. "...Uh... I-I think she needs to be fed..." Like hell two krupin' bastards back to back wasn't enough for it... The interviewer gestured towards the plant with an annoying and unearned level of impatience. "So feed it." Audrey locked eyes with Anybodys fearfully, and he delivered a kick in the head to the stupid vegetable, prompting a gasp from the crowd. "Get up, you krupin'..." He trailed off as Audrey once again addressed the interviewer. "...I, uh-I can't feed her right now, but I can have her back to health by this time tomorrow, if that would be okay." The man appeared to frustratedly struggle to find the words to respond to her before abruptly turning around and speaking to a few of the people who had come with him. After several seconds, he turned back towards her. "Fine. But there better not be any funny business tomorrow!... Let's pack it up, people. Come on."
The process of getting dozens upon dozens of botany fanatics away from what was apparently the most fascinating thing in the world despite it being an inanimate object took about as long as he expected it to and far, far longer than he would have liked it to despite his best efforts to move things along, but eventually, after much grumbling and sinking of the sun in the sky, he and Audrey were alone with the traitorous flora... hey, he had learned a botany term from her! Audrey approached said treacherous vegetable, doing a much better job of masking her frustration under seeming patience than he was motivated to. "...Everybodys, what's going on? You were... fed quite a lot very recently. Is there a nutrient deficiency in your soil, or..." She trailed off as the plant lifted its head with that stupid smug smile. "As a matter of fact, there's been too much hope around here lately. You can't pull the wool over my photoreceptors that easy! I know you're tryna Romeo and Juliet your way outta here and leave me hangin', and it ain't gonna work, 'specially now that word's spreading that we're difficult to work with."
Simultaneously, the plant's mocking laughter, Anybodys' attempt to bring one of Audrey's massive and ancient botany books that he had gotten off of a table down on its stupid lips, and Audrey's attempt to stop him from doing so were halted by a knock at the front door. As Everybodys went back to pretending to be a normal, insentient, non-backstabbing plant, Anybodys hesitantly and very much temporarily left it behind to follow Audrey outside. Their interrupter turned out to be a man who might've been one of the reporters or people working with the interviewer, based on his fancy clothing and the air of presumptuousness about him. "Excuse me, pardon me, beg your pardon. If you two kids would just stop laughing for a moment I've got something l want to discuss with you. Now which one of you is Audrey Fulquard?" ...What kinda stupid fucking question is that?! Anybodys stepped towards him but didn't end up answering his inane question as Audrey did so much more politely than he would have. "I am." The man perked up at this. "Oh, it's a pleasure. Has your phone been busy! I've been trying to reach you for weeks. Patrick Martin, Licensing and Marketing, World Botanical Enterprises. Lassie, dame, babe are we gonna make a fortune together!"
Anybodys got even closer to him with clenched fists, causing him to back up slightly. "What did you just call her?!" He calmed down slightly... slightly... as Audrey go to his side and comfortingly placed a hand on his arm. "...I'm listening." Satisfyingly, Patrick Martin, Licensing and... something... still appeared to be slightly intimidated as he started off his sales pitch with a grand, sweeping gesture. "Great, fantastic, I'm glad to hear it! So, me and the guys at the home office have been following this plant of yours. We've come up with one incredible idea. We're very proud of it. Picture this. We take leaf cuttings, develop little Everybodys and sell them to florist shops across the nation. Pretty soon every household in America could have one." There was a pause before Audrey responded. "...Every household in America..." Patrick whatever his stupid fancy title was appeared to be encouraged by this despite Audrey's clear hesitance. "For starters, kid. Why this thing could go… worldwide!" Audrey fearfully locked eyes with Anybodys for a moment before responding. "Worldwide?!"
Patrick put an arm around her shoulder before continuing, seemingly not noticing her flinching under it while wisely taking one of Anybodys' hands in hers in anticipation of him punching him in his stupid face otherwise. "Think of it, ma'am. Little Everybodys everywhere! Why, with the right advertising, this thing could be bigger than Hula-Hoops." Audrey gripped his hand tighter. "Bigger than Hula-Hoops?!" Patrick, somehow still not noticing her revulsion at his proposal, brought out some kind of stupid fancy contract and pen. "What do you say, Audrey? Do we have a deal?" Audrey hesitated for a long moment before responding. "...No, I'm sorry, I-I can't do this." Patrick somehow had the audacity to slap her on the back, way too low. "Sure you ca-" He trailed off as Anybodys shoved him away from her. "Fuck off! Now! You heard what she said!" Patrick defensively raised his hands to his chest as Anybodys backed him away from the shop. "H-Hey now, we're offering a lot of money here..." Anybodys grabbed a wine bottle from the ground. "Are you deaf or somethin'? Maybe this'll knock your hearin' back into ya!" Patrick's eyes widened, and a moment later he turned tail and fled, throwing a satisfyingly fearful "All right! Fine! Jeez!" behind him.
Some of the anger and none of the triumph left Anybodys as he felt Audrey embrace him from behind. "...You saved me-Thank you." He turned around to return the gesture. "Anytime... we're on the same page about needin' ta save the world from the plant spreadin' all over it too, right?" Audrey breathed in heavily. "...Yes, I just-I don't know how we're gonna do this, and... I know this is terrible, but I'm finding it difficult to focus completely on that with the wrench that's been thrown in tomorrow's interview..." Anybodys pulled away from her slightly and cocked his head at her confusedly. "What d'you mean? Heroes savin' the world from somethin' everyone thought was super interesting for some reason makes for a way better story than a plant just existing." Audrey processed this for a moment. "...Y-you're right, the... much less important of our two problems will be solved if we can find a way to deal with the first one." She broke away from him, shakily putting a hand to her chin in a stressed deep thought. "...Now how could we do that..." Anybodys attempted to assuage her anxiety by flashing her a confident smile. "Don't worry, I've got a few ideas."
He booked it back to the shop and burst through the doors, grabbing Audrey's hairspray off of the table he had left it on and directing it in combination with his lighter at Everybodys in order to create a badass flamethrower. Except for some reason the plant's laughter and... skin? were still intact a few seconds later when he heard Audrey enter the shop behind him. And several seconds after that. And then the next thing he knew his makeshift weapon had been knocked out of his hands and across the shop and he was being lifted nearly to the ceiling by a writhing and slowly constricting mass of vines. As the pressure on his torso increased, his focus gradually shifted from trying to release the vines' hold on him with his free arm to struggling for air. The plant seemed to switch from laughing to saying something, but he couldn't make out the words through the ringing in his ears, and he lost his fight against the fading of his vision a moment later.
Audrey.
Audrey's lips were against his as she breathed life back into him. A much less metaphorical version of what she had been doing for as long as he had known her. He pressed his lips against hers, converting her practical life-saving measure into a kiss, and she paused for a moment before breaking into a grin and returning it. Anybodys managed to sit up through searing pain in his ribs and arm... not his arm that had already been injured by the boss... and Audrey joined him, squeezing his hand tightly for a moment before significantly loosening her grip on it. "...Sorry... I'm so glad you're okay. Does anything hurt-uh, I guess a better question would be 'What hurts?'" Anybodys ran his hand along his arm, attempting and failing to subdue the waves of pain radiating from it. The sight of the late stupid vegetable, which seemed to have collapsed for real this time, behind his fiance did far more for the throbbing than his own efforts.
"...I'm glad you're okay too-Everybodys busted up my ribs and arm pretty bad tryna strangle me or somethin'... how'd ya get the better of it?" He followed her gaze across a long series of containers strewn on the floor, a combination of official products of their shop and others such as weedkiller and bleach as well as unlabeled bottles. "...You know, I'm not sure what exactly ended up working... but what's important is that the world is safe now." Anybodys cracked a grin at her. "Plus the fact that we're heroes is pretty nice too." Audrey returned his smile and moved to embrace him very gently. "And we'll get to build a life together somewhere that's green. I thought that was a pipe dream for so long..." Anybodys returned her hug, feeling nothing but excitement for their shared future.