"I don't want to do this" Peyral hissed, her grumpy tone an obvious attempt to make her feel less scared then she felt, the nerves in her stomuch making her feel like she was falling from a tall tree, something she hadn't done since she was a very small child. Tsu'tey gripped her forearm as he turned to face her and brought them both to a halt. "Peyral, you know I wouldn't ever make you do anything that I thought would hurt you" Tsu'tey muttered "but I think we both know that you need a helping hand. The great mother has placed a great pain in your life and it isn't weak to ask for help when the pain brings you to your knees. It is smart to ask for help, it will help bring you to your feet swifter then you would if you were to do it alone." Peyral shook her head even though she agreed with him and she found she struggled to look into Tsu'teys eyes, "I am scared to go to her. She must hate me. I failed her." "No!" Tsu'tey stated, his voice unwavering. "Stop blaming yourself for what the sky people did to Swylanin. You are not in control of their actions" At this Tsu'tey grabbed her hand and raised her chin so she had to meet his gaze, "I will not let you keep punishing yourself. I care for you Peyral, you have a good soul and I don't care if you refuse to believe it. I will be here until you believe it yourself, and even then I will not leave you. I am with you till the end." Peyral felt shock ripple through her. Tsy'teys words weren't out of character as everyone who knew him knew he was passionate and fiercely loyal to everyone he cared for but Peyral couldn't help but feel as if his words were more then just well-intended words for a friend. But surely they couldn't be more then friends, surely Tsu'tey didn't still care for her? Peyral felt her head buzz with confusion, any time she tried to search for common sense it slipped out of her mental grip like she was trying to grab water with her bare hands.
Peyral followed after Tsu'tey, far too aware of the welcoming warm grip of his hand in hers that made butterflies swarm her stomach, adding to the already present sick feeling in her stomach and they walked up the stairs, until they reached a small landing at the highest level of the home tree and where an imposing figure was stood in the middle, their glowing eyes fixed unblinking on the darkening sky above, which filtered through the magnificent branches of the home tree. "I see you, Tsahik" Tsu'tey said, motioning and Peyral swiftly copied. Tsahik turned and her eyes instantly fell to Peyral and Tsu'teys joined hands, narrowing. Peyral ripped her hand away, mortification pouring through her and her eyes felt glued to the floor because of it, but her head shot up when she felt Tsu'teys hand fall to her back. She glanced at Tsu'teys face and saw a unusual mix of emotion on his face; she saw clear respect and reverence for the Tsahik in his lowered head and relaxed shoulders, but she also saw undeterred determination in his eyes that were fixed upon the Tsahik, not wavering even for a second, and a refusal to feel any embarassment by the way he stood by her, his supporting hand upon her, letting her know he had no intention of leaving her side. "What is this?" Mo'at questioned, stalking towards them and Tsu'tey replied "she needs your help"
But Mo'at waved her hand irritably in front of her, dismissing what Tsu'tey said, "no! What is this?"" Her voice getting low with anger, gesturing between Peyral and Tsu'tey. Tsu'tey stepped forward, his ears back but Peyral placed her hand on his chest and pushed him back. "Tsu'tey" She murmered, "leave. I wish to speak to our Tsahik alone. I need to explain. Go hunting, patrol the borders, just do something to give me and the Tsahik plenty of time alone." Tsu'tey seemed uncertain for a moment, but when he saw the expression on her face he nodded, and left. Mo'at's eyes never left his form, until he was out of sight and Mo'at eyes slide back to her, a silent command clear in her stare.
Speak.
"Tsu'tey and I have not mated" Peyral spoke clearly, an eerie calm descending upon her "but he has been helping me. Since the murder of our clan mates" Mo'at grimaced, and Peyral realised what Mo'at's anger towards them truly was: it was the pain of grief, shaping itself into a weapon that lashed out at others as a way of being heard and released. Grief was an ugly thing. "You know Tsu'tey and I...I love him"
"Clearly" Mo'at stated dryly.
"But we have never acted on those intentions. I have come to you to confess my sins though, because I have done much worst" Peyral prayed to Eywa for the strength to utter the next sentence "I was confessing my feelings to Tsu'tey, and he to I, and we were both agreeing that we will not act on these feelings when the sky people attacked our kin. When we finally got to our people, it was too late. I was too late. I allowed my feelings for Tsu'tey, a man who was engaged to Swylanin, to distract me from protecting our people. I will not beg for your forgiveness as I know it is too much to ask, but I.." Peyral broke off, the tight feeling in her chest making her feel like she was being strangled. She dropped to her knees, and held out her queue in one hand. She then slid out her prized hunting knife from her thigh holding and held it out in her other hand to Mo'at, visibly shaking. "I just want you to know I am sorry. My failure cost you a daughter. No amount of guilt I feel is enough compensation for your pain but I offer my body to you to do with as you wish. You may cut my queue, and know you have as much justice as I can offer; albeit I apologise for it will never be enough."
Peyral waited. As Tshahik, she knew Mo'at had the power to punish her, and queue cutting was an extreme punish yes, a rare one definitely, but it was served to the most extreme of offenders. Peyral felt a hard hand grasp her queue and felt a slight squeeze. Nausea washed through her but Peyral still didn't move. A tired sigh was released after a couple of moments from above Peyral and Peyral couldn't help but flinch when Mo'at smacked the knife from her hand. "Stupid girl" Mo'at muttered and sank to her knees in front of Peyral, who stared in surprise and confusion at her. "My daughters death was not your fault" Mo'at stated "The sky people were the ones who fired that weapon. They were the ones who killed her, hence they are the ones I blame. Not you. And stop-" Peyral shut her mouth and halted her protest when Mo'at raised her hand. "Yes, maybe if you had been focused then the outcome would of been different. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But you could sit and ponder that about anything and everything in the world. The slightest outcome of any action you do could change life significantly; but how can you know that beforehand? You can't. It isn't possible. There is no point worrying about the past and trying to plan the future. It is impossible, you can't do it, and attempting to do so will only drive you to insanity and ruin the current time that you can control". Mo'at placed a hand on Peyral's cheek and stared into her eyes "you and Tsu'tey care for each other. I won't say I am thrilled at this confession you did, it wasn't entriely kind to Swylwanin, but if you swear nothing happened when my daughter and Tsu'tey were engaged as you both respected her, then I suppose you did what was best for you whilst also not hurting my daughter." Mo'at swallowed. "Not that is matters anymore.."
Peyral swallowed "I am sor-"
Mo'at moved and held Peyral's jaw firmly, killing her apology as it formed in her mouth "listen Peyral I want you to stop apologising. Where is the fierce hunter, the best female warrior in our clan that I used to know? All I see now is a unsure girl, sorry for other peoples actions" Mo'at moved closer to Peyral, their foreheads almost touching "I need you to protect our clan, and do your duty. I release and pardon all and any guilt you feel, but in return I wish for you to do one thing"
"What is that, my Tsahik?"
"Forgive yourself"
Peyral was held in Mo'at's arms for what felt like eternity that night, as she cried her pain and grief and anger and every other emotion that we all feel sadly all too well into the chest of a grieving mother. By the time night had truly settled that evening, both of the women still felt exhausted and in deep pain, but as if one small peice of their heart, however small, had been slightly soothed.