H Tales Of A Reincarnated Elf

by Stayrr

I was a good looking prince when I was reborn, and because I could do indecent things as much as I like, I decided to make a harem while traveling with a beautiful female elf Formerly an otaku, the hero who was just reincarnated became a handsome elf prince of another world. In his previous life he was just a plain-faced man, so in this world he uses his high position as a prin

82. BEN 89-94

Dawn's Story V - The Complicated Sex Life Of Ben - Chapter 90 by Fireces full book limited free

89 Dawn's Story IV

After what felt like an eternity, the Swingers Wheel spun me to Ben. FINALLY. Eagerly, Ben and I headed for each other. There were some complications. Ben and Gwen argued about the rules for a minute, but Ryan cut everybody off in the end. My boyfriend went and took Robin and said, "It's okay. I'll go get Robin a shower. She's my next partner anyways."

Ben tried to play fair and said, "Uh, that's okay. It's my job and you can spend the time with Dawn for a bit."

Ryan shook his head. "No need. I know you two have been waiting a long time to do this. I don't want to keep you waiting any longer." His voice cracked at the end of that, and for a second, I hesitated over what we were about to do. Could I really do this to my boyfriend?

Ben picked up the same vibe. "If you're not comfortable with us doing this," he said seriously. "We don't HAVE to do it."

"You want to," Ryan stated flatly. "SHE wants to."

"But YOU don't want us to," Ben shook his head. "You're her boyfriend. That gives you veto rights. And if you're not cool with this, we shouldn't be doing it."

"Dammit! You HAVE to!" Ryan barked, the sudden burst of rage causing me to cringe and recoil. My boyfriend was a big, muscular man; but he kept his emotions under restraint so much that I'd never truly worried about him going berserk and physically harming someone I cared about ... until now.

But just as quickly as he lost his composure, Ryan got it back. He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath before growling, "Don't you get it, man? I'M the guy worrying about whether to ask a girl out, freaking myself out wondering about all the 'what ifs'. I don't know how I'll feel after you and Dawn make love again. I don't know how SHE'LL feel. But the point is: I'm stressing out EVERY SINGLE DAY about this shit. We've been friends, Ben, but now all I can see is the guy my girlfriend might leave me for. You haven't done anything serious, I know. You've had a zillion opportunities to cheat but you haven't. She tells me she loves me. You tell me you have no designs on her. But the fact is I KNOW you both still love each other in your weird best-friends-since-birth way and it's driving me NUTS. I'm tired of it. I'm at the point where I just want to KNOW, once and for all, how this might change us."

"You already know," I spoke up, my throat feeling raw. "We were together in High School and then I went off to camp with Ben. I was honest with you. We had sex. A LOT of sex that summer. But I still came home to you and I've been loyal ever since."

"That was different. That was then. This is now."

"How is it any different?"

"I don't know! I don't know anything!" Ryan threw his hands up. "All I know is that I'm going stir crazy wondering about THIS 'what if'. What if you two slept together again? Would you come back to me? Would you not?"

"So what? Every time you have a crisis of faith in me you're gonna ask me to sleep with Ben to see if I come back to you?"

"Maybe! You're a different person than you were before college, Dawn," Ryan moaned. "The girl you were then came back to me. The girl you are now? I don't know yet."

"Ryan, I promise-"

"You can promise me anything, babe. I love you and I'll believe you. But I'll always wonder the 'what if'." He took a deep breath and then held his hand out to Robin. "Look Robin, let's go take a shower together. I'll get you cleaned up and I'll be really gentle and yes, I've fantasized about running my hands all over your body. Dawn knows that because we talk every now and again about crazy shit like this. She even told me you fantasized about me a couple of times."

"Traitor," Robin glowered at me. I just shrugged. Robin wasn't the issue right now.

Robin put her hand into Ryan's and she stood up. Then Ryan turned to me. "I'm going to leave you two alone for at least fifteen minutes. Probably longer. I love you, babe. You can do what makes you happy. And whatever happens, happens." He kissed my cheek and then led Robin into the bathroom, closing the door behind them.

Then I turned to Ben. "Now what?"

Ohhh this was so freaking complicated.

"I want to be inside you..." Ben moaned, looking over at me.

I looked back at him and took his hand into my own. "I want you inside of me, too. So badly. You don't KNOW how badly I want it," I groaned as I pulled his hand up to my chest and pulled his body toward me, so that he was facing me just a foot away.

"I DO know," he groaned right back, staring right into my eyes. "I want this just as badly as you. We haven't been together in ... forever. Longer than ever before."

"I know," I sighed and bit my lip. "When I saw the trickle of your cum leaking out of Robin's pussy, it was so hard not to just dive on her and suck it out. That used to be my one 'out', remember? I couldn't touch you directly but I could still taste your cum? I haven't even had that lately."

Ben moved his lips to mine. I felt my pulse quicken in anticipation of the kiss, but he turned at the last moment and nibbled on my cheek. "Dawn..." he moaned breathlessly.

"Let's do it, Ben," I breathed huskily. "I want it. I want YOU. I need YOU." Gawd DAMMIT I needed him.

"Dawn, you know we can't..."

"Ryan said it's okay," I pleaded. "This is our one chance. I don't know when he'll let us again, but right now we have to take this chance while we can."

"He SAID that. But you KNOW he doesn't want us to."

"He'll never want us to. Would you, in his place?"

"I would. If it would make you happy. You KNOW that."

"HE wants me to be happy, too. That's why he's letting us."

"That's not the reason and you know it," Ben whined. "This is a test. A test to see if you'll betray him."

"Don't be ridiculous. He wants us to fuck, Ben. He wants you inside of me. And he wants to see if I'll still come back to him after I've had you."

"Ryan would NEVER want me inside you."

"He did before," I protested, thinking of summer camp.

"He never WANTED me inside of you," Ben rephrased with new emphasis. "He LET us that one summer camp. But that was it. I know guys and I know Ryan. You even said it yourself not thirty seconds ago. He'd NEVER want us to."

"But he said..."

"He said he'd rather know how you still felt about him after we slept together. But he meant he wanted to see if we'd go through with it, knowing he doesn't want us to."

Why was Ben being so difficult about this? I wanted him. He wanted me. Was this really so hard? "How do you know that, Ben? What if he really meant he wants to know how I'll feel about him? If we don't do this, then he'll never really know and he'll STILL go crazy thinking about 'what if'."

Ben winced and looked away, shaking his head. "I can't do this. I've waited all night for this. But I can't do it."

"Ben, please. I've waited more than all night for this," I whimpered. I rubbed my thighs together, still wet from my lone orgasm and from fucking Bert. "I've waited more than a YEAR for this!"

"We can't. I can't. Not while knowing he doesn't really want me to," he said plaintively.

"Ben, please." I was DESPERATE. I'd been fantasizing on and off about this for MONTHS. I'd finally let myself believe it would actually happen tonight. So I took Ben's hand and placed it on my breast. Reflexively, he squeezed the melon and groaned rapturously. His palm felt so rough and so wonderful against my erect nipple. I'd seduce him any way I could right now. I just HAD to have him inside me. Just one more time and damn the fucking consequences! Please!

"Dawn, don't do this to me..." Ben groaned.

"You want me. I want you. This is what we've been waiting for." I upped the ante by placing my hand on his cock, squeezing and stroking it. Good lord he was fucking hard.

"Dawn..."

Fishing for something... anything ... that would change his mind, I held up my hand, palm out to him, waiting expectantly. I had to remind him just how special we were, that the two of us existed outside of the rules. He raised his hand to match mine, lining them up together. Our hands didn't quite touch; the palms never got closer than half an inch apart. But then I closed the gap, intertwining my fingers through his. "Ben, I want you. I want you more than he doesn't want me to," I stated flatly. Gawd dammit, Ben! Don't fuck up our ONE chance!

"Don't do this to me," he pleaded, at the razor's edge of giving in. "Don't do this unless you really mean it."

"I want you, Ben," I purred in my most seductive voice, sensing that he was about to crack. "I've always wanted you. I told you we'd get married someday. What's a little playing around between soulmates?"

"But right now? Are you going to break up with Ryan right now?"

I flinched uncontrollably at the phrase 'break up'. Break up? What? Was Ben deciding he was ready for me now? I wanted him, but he wasn't stable. I just wanted this fuck. And the fact was: Ryan was still the better boyfriend.

"Dawn, it doesn't work this way," he said urgently. "You can't have your cake and eat it too. Not this time. You LOVE Ryan. You chose him. Don't let your hormones rule you on this one. I don't want to be the one to fuck up your chance at happiness. Yes, I love you. Yes, I want to make love to you. And yes, I've been dreaming all night of being inside you. But if your boyfriend doesn't really want us to do this, how is it different from any other night?"

"Ben..." I whimpered. Why was he making this harder than it really was?

"No. We CAN'T do this. Not like this. I won't let it be like this. I love you and I want you and if we're going to be together again, it's going to be RIGHT. Not just a swinging party with a bunch of friends blitzed on too much alcohol. You're my Dawn. You're too special for us to get back together like this, especially when you're not even sure you want to get back together with me. Because that's the way it has to be."

"Why?"

"Because now I've realized that the next time I make love to you, I'm never, EVER going to let you go back to Ryan or to anyone else. I've made my mistakes and I've fucked up a lot of other relationships. But the one relationship I can never, ever lose is you. I'm not in Orange County anymore and we're not 500 miles apart. We're together now, and if we ever start a relationship again, it'll have to be the kind that lasts forever. I couldn't bear to lose you again. I WON'T do it again."

Ah, SHIT. He really loves me. He really, really loves me. And he loves me so much that I'm the ONE FUCKING GIRL he can't just have sex with. Because it would be more than just sex. But I want to feel you inside me.

"It's just sex," I whimpered, not really meaning it.

"It can never be 'just sex' with us, and it never was. We mean too much to each other for it to just be casual. You've got your boyfriend. I'll always be your best friend. And if that's all we'll ever be, I'll be okay with that." Ben sighed. "As your best friend, we can be eternal."

"We can be eternal as lovers, too," I pleaded.

"Maybe ... But that's something we both have to think about first." He sighed and pulled his hand off my breast and then pulled my hand off his cock. "Maybe you'll choose me over Ryan in the end. Maybe not. Maybe there'll be another guy out there for you. But right now, you love him and you've chosen him. And I won't let you claim to choose me just because we both want to fuck each other so bad our teeth hurt."

"My teeth ACHE," I whimpered. I wanted him. But I wasn't ready for that kind of decision yet. I just hadn't given it enough thought. Why couldn't I have BOTH of them, my soulmate and my steady, reliable boyfriend? Why? Why?

Ben bit his lip and looked ready to cry. "I know. Me, too. But I've got to leave now. Because we CAN'T do this. Not yet. Not like this."

"Ben!" I whined as he got up and started hunting for his clothes. But I already knew it was futile. This wasn't going to happen. And it wouldn't happen until we BOTH were ready for the consequences. Because like it or not, it would NEVER be 'just sex' between us.

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

"I love you..." I whimpered as he headed for the door, hanging my head in dejection. "I'll always love you."

He stopped at the door just before opening it. "I love you, too." He put his forehead against the wood and exhaled. It looked like he was struggling just to get out the door. And for a moment, I thought he just might turn around, throw me to the floor, and fuck me within an inch of our lives.

I couldn't let him. It wasn't right for either of us. Not here. Not now. If I was going to do this, I had to make a clean break from Ryan. Both Ben and I had to CHOOSE this. So for now, I had to choose 'best friends'.

So I moved up behind him, laying my naked body against his back, hugging him fiercely. I squeezed him as hard as I possibly could. And then from behind, I gently kissed the back of his neck.

"You'll always be my Ben."

"And you'll always be my Dawn."

And then he left.

"Oh-OHHHH!" Robin wailed. "Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Oh-OHHHH!!!"

Ryan's grunting soon joined Robin's wailing, their voices ascending in pitch and volume until they both ended in howls of final pleasure. And then the bathroom went silent save for the noise of the shower spray.

In the spare room, really more of Ryan's and my junk room, something was banging rhythmically against the wall. Since we didn't have a bed in there, I assumed it was the folding table we used as an extra desk. Gwen's moans and Bert's grunts were in perfect sync with the banging, so it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on.

I merely sat on the couch, practically oblivious to it all. I cursed Ben for denying me the pleasure I wanted for him. I mentally railed at him for insisting that we couldn't fuck without having it mean something more. And I praised him for being mature enough to understand it.

Ben was right. If we ever had sex again ... no... made love again ... I would be ruined for Ryan. I would never be able to go back to my boyfriend again, not after having shared myself again with my soulmate. Ben was right: if we ever let ourselves become intimate, it would have to be the sort of thing that would mean we were getting back together, for good. And I just wasn't ready for that yet. I wasn't sure Ben was ready, either.

I was still sitting there when Robin and Ryan came out. Ryan was in the lead, too eager to wait like a gentleman for Robin to leave first. Perhaps he'd even shortened his fuck with Robin in the shower in order to hurry back out and see Ben and me in action.

My boyfriend quickly scanned the room and spotted me immediately, a frown etching across his face as he realized that I was alone and re-dressed in my camisole and cotton shorts. He glanced at the door and then barked, "Where's Ben?"

I sighed. "He left."

Ryan blinked a few times, processing that. He seemed to be trying to decide whether or not Ben had fucked me and run away already, or if we just hadn't gone through with it. He figured on the second and questioned me with his eyes. I looked down and shook my head in the negative.

"What happened?" he asked and came over to sit down beside me. Robin remained silent, but moved to the other couch and sat down, watching us intently.

I exhaled. "He couldn't do it. He knows you don't really want him to."

Ryan started to protest but I held up a hand. "Okay, we KNOW you told us to, but deep down, do you REALLY want us to ever have sex? Ever? I mean, given the choice between having us do it once, just so you can satisfy your curiosity, or having us NEVER do it, which would you choose?"

Ryan frowned and looked down. "Never."

I shrugged. "There you are."

"But how can I be sure you never will?"

I leaned forward and rubbed Ryan's knee. "Because I love you. And because Ben respects you. And if we didn't do it tonight, having had the biggest opportunity to do so, then you should know that we never will."

Ryan let out a long, long exhalation. He even glanced over at Robin, who just shrugged and said, "Makes sense."

He frowned, clearly at war with his own brain. He looked like he wasn't sure whether to feel happy that we hadn't gone through with it, or worried because he STILL didn't know how he'd feel if we ever did. Even though I promised him that Ben and I would never cross that line, and even though the "opportunity" argument made a lot of rational sense, that niggling of doubt would always remain.

I squeezed my boyfriend's knee again, then stood up and nodded back to the bathroom. "Come on, babe. I'm dirty, sweaty, and horny. Since you're done with Robin, can you come clean me up?"

JANUARY 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

I was waiting in the doorway to Ben's bedroom when he arrived. I knew he'd have to come here, and I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw him again.

For some reason, he didn't look like the Ben I knew before. It was as if he physically didn't look the same; but the more I stared the more I realized that wasn't the case. He was the same 6'0" height I remembered. His hair was cut a little shorter, but other than that, he had the same cheekbones, the same build, and the same body.

But his posture was a little different. I couldn't put my finger on any physical difference in his stance, but there was a calmness about him, as if he could stand in his position for days on end without tiring. There was a peace in his eyes, steady and assured. He just seemed ... more adult.

Ben was growing up.

"Hey you," he began slowly, when it became clear I wasn't going to say anything first.

"Hey," I replied hesitantly, furrowing my eyebrows as I stared at him.

"What's wrong?"

I finally figured out the difference. Ever since Adrienne and Paige had broken up with him at the end of Freshman year, Ben had been a little edgy, like an addict going through withdrawal. Ben's life was unsettled and even when he was getting laid more often than ever, with more different girls than ever, he seemed like he could never just relax and be totally at peace.

He was at peace now, for whatever reasons. I wondered if it had anything to do with that swingers party or if something revelatory had happened to him over Winter Break. But the point was that the Ben who arrived on campus today was a much more mature version of the one who had left a month ago.

I blinked as this realization dawned on me, then smiled and stepped forward, opening my arms to my best friend. We came together in the hallway, arms wrapped tightly around each other in the firmest, fiercest hug imaginable. He was squeezing me with almost all of his strength, straining my ribcage; and I squeezed him back even harder. "Gawd, I missed you," I sighed and pushed my nose into the crook of his neck.

"It's only been four weeks."

"I know. But it feels like it's been forever. I felt like I didn't even recognize you when you walked in."

"Same old me."

I leaned back, my hands still on his shoulders, peering into his eyes. Yep. Different Ben. And I found that I liked this Ben. He was closer to the man I knew he could become, the man who would be right for me ... forever. "No," I disagreed. "There's something a little different about you."

"Maybe you need to get your eyes checked," he drawled.

I giggled and hugged him again. "Mmm ... Welcome back, Ben."

He sighed happily and inhaled against my hair. "It's good to be back."

The doorbell rang.

About half of us picked our heads up and looked around. I got up and said, "Must be Ryan."

Gwen and Ben nodded and I left. I opened the door, ready to hug my boyfriend and ask why the hell he was using the doorbell when everyone always just walked right in. But to my utter shock and surprise, it was Paige. She stood there, seemingly far smaller than her 5'2" height, looking like shit. Her face was streaked with tears, and she had what seemed to be a days-old black eye. Her arms were crossed over her own waist and she was shivering, even though she wore a heavy coat and it wasn't really that cold outside. I knew instantly that something was very, very wrong.

Without a word to Paige, I turned and quickly hustled back to the living room, leaving the door open. "Ben," I began in a quiet, deadly serious voice. "I think you'd better come here."

He knew better than to ask questions, and he quickly got up and followed me to the door. "Paige?" he asked questioningly as soon as he saw her. And then he gasped in shock. "Paige, what happened?"

"B- Ben ... Uh, can I come in?" she asked hesitantly. There was no trace of the bravado she'd displayed the last few times we'd seen each other. Gone was the rebellious, self-destructive bitchy girl of last semester. In her place was a little girl frightened out of her wits.

"Of course, of course," Ben held his arm out to her and she came in. She shivered again when he hugged her, momentarily shrinking away. But a second later, she lunged into his embrace and started sobbing big heaving cries of despair while shuddering uncontrollably.

Ben looked up at me, his face full of worry. I had no idea what to do, but Ben tilted his head toward his bedroom. I led the way as Ben half-carried Paige there.

Once inside, it was a bit like pulling teeth as Ben probed gently to try and figure out what the hell had happened to her and why she was at our door. I kind of figured some guy had hit her, from the black eye. So that wasn't a big surprise. But I almost passed out when Paige finally admitted, "I'm pregnant."

As she told us her story, I started to feel really guilty for the way I'd thought of Paige over the past couple of years. It wasn't that I thought I was wrong about her. Even now, I still thought that Paige was only concerned for herself. But given what she was going through, I couldn't really blame her. The girl had been through hell. And a small part of me thought it might be my fault; as if I had somehow pushed her away from Ben and into the life she led once she was out of his orbit.

Drugs. Promiscuity. Getting physically abused by men. I couldn't even IMAGINE that kind of life. She didn't even know who the father was.

Still, I thought it a little bit unfair that she was coming back to Ben. Wasn't this the job of Paige's parents? I knew that if I ever got into trouble, I could always depend on my family. Ben had enough problems of his own without being saddled by a stupid girl who'd brought this mess upon herself. But I held my tongue and tried to focus on my sense of compassion. Paige needed a friend, and I couldn't imagine someone better than Ben.

Besides, I'd promised Ben that I'd support him. Even last semester, he'd wanted to do something to help her. And now the time had come.

So Ben pulled Paige to him in a warm hug and promised, "We'll figure it out." If he'd done the same for me, I would believe him too. And all three of us started to relax.

Of course, Ryan just HAD to be waiting outside when we emerged an hour later, after Paige had fallen asleep. My boyfriend leveled his gaze right at Ben and growled, "Would someone like to tell me what you two were doing inside that bedroom all this time?"

We explained the situation and even showed Ryan that Paige was sleeping in Ben's bed. But I read the tension in my boyfriend's eyes. You'd think that after the last time Ben and I had a chance to have sex, but didn't, Ryan would know better. You'd think that after a month of just being alone together for Winter Break, he would have relaxed his paranoia. Not so. The same wariness he had about Ben and me last semester was back.

And I realized that it would never, ever go away.

FEBRUARY 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"So let me get this straight..." I paused to take a sip of my coffee, scrunching up my eyebrows as I collected my thoughts. "Cadence is fine with you sleeping with other girls because you and her haven't reached that point in your relationship."

"Yeah."

"And she says you two haven't reached that point in your relationship because she's waiting for you to make your move."

"Yeah."

"But you haven't made your move because you're not sure you're ready for that kind of commitment."

"Right."

"Huh ... Weird."

"What?"

"It's just ... I never thought you'd have been able to think that many jumps ahead when sex was presented to you."

"Huh?"

I smiled. "I love you, Ben, but higher brain functions were not your strong point when an opportunity for sex was in front of you."

"Well, maybe I'm growing up."

I smirked. "Maybe." I took a deep breath and relaxed, admiring the way Ben had changed over the years. Too often, growing up, he just went with the flow and never really questioned what was going on as long as he got to stick his dick into a willing girl. Commitment, no commitment, it didn't matter. Getting laid in the immediate term had always been the priority. And being able to keep a girl happy had less to do with consideration for her feelings than ensuring she didn't cut off his supply of regular pussy.

I was surprised that Ben hadn't slept with Cadence yet. They'd been on several dates over the course of many weeks, by far the longest I'd ever seen Ben show an interest in a girl and NOT end up fucking. I had to admit, I was very curious about this sorority girl who'd so completely wrapped him around her little finger. I didn't know much about her, beyond what Ben told me. I hadn't gotten the chance to really talk to her myself, to evaluate her or anything. Then again, I hadn't been very interested in getting to know any of the other Tri-Delts he'd been banging for the past few months. But I respected Ben's judgment on this. He seemed to be happy, and that was good enough for me.

Well, he was happy except for this sex thing.

We talked a bit more about it; and in the end I fell back on the old standby: Communication, communication, communication. "Only two ways to find out: either you sleep with her, then sleep with someone else, and see how she reacts..."

Ben grimaced.

" ... Or you TALK to her."

He smiled and nodded. I hoped Ben would take my advice to heart and get things worked out. Like I said, I didn't know Cadence very well, but I figured that would change if they started seriously dating. Right now, their budding relationship seemed to be good for everybody.

For Ben, it was a chance to find happiness. Maybe meeting someone new was just what he needed after the fallouts over dating me, Adrienne, Paige, and DJ — all of whom were friends first. Cadence was a fresh start.

For me and Ryan, our relationship improved dramatically once Ben showed himself to be seriously interested in someone. It was as if Ben's single-status was somehow a threat to Ryan, making him worry my best friend would turn his attentions on me. With Ben preoccupied with a new girl, Ryan relaxed noticeably and our time spent together in a group was much more pleasant.

Maybe Paige wasn't too happy. She was getting less attention from Ben, but I thought that was also a good thing for her. She'd clearly re-developed her obsessive crush on Ben in the time she'd been staying with us, and for her to see that Ben really didn't see her in that romantic light could only help her get over the crush and move on with her life. She HAD to realize that Ben considered her a friend in need, and nothing more.

And Ben's relationship with Cadence was also good for me. The Swingers Party had shaken me, shaken my faith in my own relationship with Ryan. I had rediscovered just how much I craved Ben with my very soul, and if we'd spent much more time around each other I was sure we'd end up falling into each other's arms and making love. But he'd gone away for Winter Break and I'd spent my time focusing on my boyfriend. So those immediate urges had gone away.

Those urges had started to come back a bit over the past couple of months. I started doubting myself again, wondering if I could truly be happy with Ryan in the long run. But with Ben hooking up with Cadence and seeming to be quite content in developing that relationship, I reminded myself of our choices to be best friends forever. He was right: we could be eternal as friends; and maybe that was how things were meant to be. As long as Ben stayed happy with his girlfriend, he wouldn't be trying to win me back.

And deep down I knew that if Ben ever really tried, he would succeed.

So for all our sakes, I hoped things went well with Cadence.

FEBRUARY 14, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"I've got a bad feeling about this," I muttered to Ryan.

"What?" My boyfriend squeezed my shoulder. "She seemed nice."

We both looked to the front door, which had closed behind Ben and Cadence. Before today, I'd never really met the girl. My only impressions had been the few times she passed us on-campus, flirting cutely like one would expect from a tall, beautiful, blonde sorority girl. I knew Ben was settling down and truly looking for an intimate, happy relationship; and the fact that Cadence held out having sex with Ben for three weeks had made me believe he was on the right track. After all, a relationship built on three weeks of "getting-to-know-you" instead of "fucking- as-often-as-humanly-possible" HAD to be a good thing for Ben, right?

But then Ben had brought her to meet us today. And while the girl was certainly nice, I'd immediately gotten a bad vibe about her. She wasn't what I was expecting AT ALL. Yeah, she was drop-dead gorgeous. I wouldn't have expected Ben to settle for anything less. But she wasn't the settle down, intimacy type. She was flighty, chatting with everyone all at once, switching the person she was talking to every three seconds it seemed. Maybe she was just nervous and wanted to make a good impression on everyone. But Cadence didn't seem the type of girl to give Ben the stability he needed.

I wasn't the only one to notice. Brandi took a more active role, grilling Cadence about her goals and her daily lifestyle and things like that. A lot of her answers revealed her ... what did Ben call it?... "butterfly" personality. She flitted from flower to flower, spooking and flying away at the first sign of disturbance.

Unfortunately, Ben seemed oblivious to the conversation. He just sagged against the couch, idly stroking Cadence's back, lost in his own thoughts. I wondered, 'Are you hearing this?'

Then again, Cadence could just be a flirty, talkative type when around others. She WAS, after all, a sorority girl. Hell, Adrienne could be just as much of a social butterfly in the right setting. Perhaps Ben knew the intimate, softer side of Cadence when they were alone.

But I couldn't shake the sense that this relationship was going to blow up in Ben's face someday. "She's nice," I told Ryan. "But she's not right for him."

"C'mon, babe. Don't be jealous," Ryan patted my back. "Ben's a big boy and he can take care of himself."

"I know, I know," I sighed. "I just want what's best for him, that's all."

He sighed and took a deep breath. "I know you do." He didn't sound too happy with that knowledge; but he accepted it. "But it's not like you won't be around him to talk him through it, right?"

I nodded. I'd keep a watchful eye on them.

FEBRUARY 27, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"So how are things with the new girlfriend?" I squeezed Ben's hand as we walked together to our first class of the day. "You didn't come by the apartment yesterday."

Ben blushed and gave me a shit-eating grin. "We got a little sidetracked."

"I'll bet." I grinned back knowingly. Well of course they went and had sex. What ELSE would Ben be doing? "But what I meant was: Is she making you happy?"

Ben arched an eyebrow and glanced over at me. "Hmm?"

"I'm serious. Is Cadence making you happy? It's been almost two weeks since Valentine's. And more than five weeks since your first date. I want to know if this new girl is making my best friend happy." Was she the type of girl I thought she was? Or was there a little more substance behind that giggling Barbie Girl I'd met before?

"Yeah," he nodded and smiled. "Things are great."

"Do tell..."

"She's really sweet and bubbly and so much fun to be around. When we're together, she's such a ... well, a Princess. It's kind of fun treating her like one. She's into chivalry and all these romantic flourishes like holding doors and pulling out her chair. It was even worth the cost of dry cleaning to lay my coat down over a puddle, she was so happy. And it makes me feel like a Prince when I'm around her."

I giggled, knowing exactly why Ben loved that part. "Strokes your male ego a bit, doesn't it? Feeling like the handsome white knight?"

"You know me."

I did. "So when are you going to bring her by the apartment after classes to hang out with us?" I wanted a few more chances to get to know her better.

"Oh, I don't know if we'll ever get like that." Ben shrugged. "She has her own friends and does her own thing most of the time. We just try to get together every other day or so, maybe spend the night together."

We chatted a bit about Paige and Adrienne. But without any prompting from me, Ben switched things back to my main concern. "Oddly enough," he began. "I feel like I'm missing out on the intimacy department."

"Hmm?" I arched an eyebrow curiously and forced myself to keep my mouth shut, lest I interrupt Ben's natural impulse to spill everything.

"Well, take this for example." Ben held up our hands, which had been joined together since we met up. "Cadence almost never holds my hand. She just feels freer walking on her own, sometimes even skipping a bit."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I told you I always thought of her as a butterfly. She still is: sweet and pretty and yet aloof and flighty. She's not really a PDA person. She doesn't want to kiss me in public or hug me or anything. I might get a peck on the cheek; but that's it. It's not her style. Well, unless we're around the sorority. Then she's all over me, showing off that she's taken possession of the old sorority cock. Especially around Jocelyn. Joss doesn't seem to mind that I'm taken now, but Cadence seems to want to rub it in her face."

"Don't go off on a tangent, Ben," I warned. "You were complaining about lack of intimacy." I REALLY wanted to get to the bottom of this part.

Ben shrugged. "I dunno. I just got spoiled by you and Adrienne and Paige, I guess. You never left me wanting for hugs or little, tender caresses. It isn't Cadence's thing. And even in the sex department, we're not all that tender or affectionate. I never told you this before, but while Cadence is all sweet and prim and even a little snooty in public, she turns into the most degraded, filthy, trash- talking slut in the bedroom."

"Really?" I turned and grinned at him. I wanted to talk 'intimacy', but it had been a while since I got to live a wild sex fantasy vicariously through Ben's descriptions. "Okay, gimme details."

He frowned momentarily. "You know I'm not the kind of guy to talk."

I pouted and flashed puppy-dog eyes at him, guaranteed to work every time. "But Ben ... this is me..."

It worked. Ben chuckled and nodded. "Every other word out of her mouth is a swear word while we're fucking. And she's pretty nasty in general. She'll fuck on any surface in the room. She's really flexible and will let me bend her into any pretzel position I can think of. She can even tuck her own legs behind her head. Imagine THAT."

My eyes went wide as an image of tall, leggy Cadence reclined back across a dining table, holding her legs back and behind her own shoulders in a yoga position, putting her pussy on full display for anyone to ravage. Even though I didn't really know the girl, a naughty shiver ran up my spine.

Ben was chuckling while shaking his head. "She really gets into ass-to-mouth. And," he paused and blushed. "Uh, yesterday, she jacked me off until I spooged onto a bagel; and then she ate it right in front of me."

My eyebrows shot way up and I couldn't help but smile and shake my head in mild disbelief. But still, my panties were getting a little damp. "Kinky ... Would never have thought that to look at her..."

Ben shook his head too. "Me, neither. Caught me totally by surprise after we'd gone through so many dates without even getting past first base. She wants to be a Royal Princess in public, with all the chivalrous opening doors and bringing her flowers at every date. And she even got me to sing 'Once Upon A Dream' to her."

I cracked up, "Don't tell Adrienne about that one. I thought she staked claim to Sleeping Beauty."

Ben smiled and continued. "Cadence is a Princess in public and a wanton slut behind closed doors. She's even re-played 'Barbie Girl' on the my computer, urging me to just take her and use her. THAT was a pretty wild four minutes."

"Lady in the street and a freak in the bed. Sounds perfect." I grinned. Ben sounded happy. Maybe I was overthinking the intimacy thing, especially with a horn dog male like my Ben.

But right after, Ben sighed forlornly. "Still, I miss those affectionate little caresses. And Cadence and I really don't talk much, not seriously. She loves to chatter but she keeps flitting from one topic to the next. And..." he exhaled slowly. "I dunno ... I just don't feel as close to her as I want to be."

"Why not?"

"Well for one, it seems like we never make love. Everything is wild, crazy, monkey sex."

"So?"

"So..." Ben sighed. "I dunno. I thought I wanted to get back into a relationship because I missed the intimacy. YOU said I needed intimacy. If all I wanted was crazy-monkey-sex, I would have stayed single and kept banging Tri-Delts."

"So you're NOT happy," I sighed, squeezing my hand. This was what I was afraid of.

Ben frowned and stopped walking. "Wait, I didn't say THAT."

"Seems like you just did." I was already trying to work out how to rescue him.

"No, no. I'm blowing this all out of proportion. You asked me to hash out all the things that are missing so far, and it seems worse than it really is. Cadence and I are fine; we just have things to work on, that's all. It's still really early in the relationship, and these things always take a little time to go from lustful fucking to making love. Seriously, I know I can't expect to feel as close to her as I do to you or Adrienne or to anyone else I've been friends with for years."

I took a deep breath. Early in the relationship ... yeah. I remembered what it was like to get to know someone. Back when Ryan first started pursuing me, our relationship had pretty much been about crazy-monkey sex too. The intimacy part developed later. Okay, maybe I was overthinking this. Ben certainly seemed happy with the way the relationship was progressing and I had to give him the benefit of doubt. And it was only three weeks. So I nodded in understanding. "Okay ... If you say so..."

Then again, I couldn't help the nagging sense in the back of my head that this whole thing just wasn't going to work out for Ben.

"Just keep in mind what you want to get out of this relationship and make sure you and her are on the same page," I warned. Then I looked off, muttering a little more quietly, "Because if the two of you don't agree on where things are going, then the relationship is just doomed to fail."

MARCH 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

Ryan sighed and tilted his chair back away from the desk, bringing his right hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose while dropping the letter onto the desk with his left hand.

I glanced over and frowned. "Another rejection?" I asked softly.

He nodded. "Cisco. Just not a good year for Telecom graduates."

"You'll find something," I assured him.

"Maybe," he sighed. "I just know it's last semester's grades that are killing me. Nobody in this economy wants to hire somebody with a 2.8 GPA."

"You're still on track to graduate," I assured him.

"A degree is nothing if I can't get a job, Dawn," Ryan grumped.

"Jobs will come."

"And if they don't? I've got student loans piling up. What? I move back home with my parents? That's no life for us."

I blinked. "Us?"

Ryan frowned and looked at me. "Of course, 'us'. Aren't you coming with me?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Uh, I kind of have SCHOOL, Ryan. I've got two more years at least, remember?"

"Of course, of course," he nodded. "It's not like I was expecting you to drop out. But ... you're still going to live with me, right?"

I nodded. "Of course." Then I blinked as his previous statement sunk in. "Wait, are you expecting me to leave Berkeley?"

He shrugged. "Most of the jobs I'm qualified for are in Silicon Valley. I thought we might move down there, start scoping out nice neighborhoods, get an apartment, and eventually buy a condo or something in the area once you graduate. I even did a little looking into the best school districts down there. Fremont is expensive as all hell, but it might be worth it."

I blinked and arched my eyebrow again. "School districts? Ryan, I'm not even twenty yet. Are you crazy?"

"I'm not saying I'd want kids right away or anything," he said defensively. "But it just seems to make sense to choose to live in nice areas where we can eventually start a family."

"Start a family? And just when were you thinking to do that?"

"I dunno. 25? 26?"

"Your age, you mean," I frowned. "That would make me... 23, 24? Isn't that a little young?"

He shrugged. "My mom had me when she was 21."

"I'm not your mom." I glared at him.

"I didn't say you were."

"And even IF I wanted to have kids at that age — which, by the way, I don't - that's 4-5 years in the future. We've barely been together longer than TWO. Don't you think that's a little premature?"

"I'm not saying we HAVE to have kids right away. I just thought that-"

I shook my head. "Ryan, you don't even HAVE a job in Silicon Valley yet."

He frowned. "It'll come. It'll come," he insisted.

"And Fremont's what, an hour away in traffic? If not more?"

"You can take the BART."

"And what if you get a job in Sunnyvale or San Jose or even FURTHER South? And when did we decide that I was going to commute to school? Huh?"

"I just thought that-"

"Just thought what?" I interrupted harshly. "I have team projects that run until midnight sometimes. I have classes at the most random hours of the day. And if I get into the Undergraduate Business Program, I'm going to be busier than ever. And you want me to drive back and forth three hours a day?"

"Well, I-"

"How about YOU commute, huh? If you get an 8 to 5 job, then why don't YOU sit in traffic?"

"Dawn, I didn't realize this might upset you!"

"What upsets me is that you just started assuming I'd go live wherever you went! And what, if you moved in with your parents, you'd expect me to come live with you?"

"I, uh, well, you're my girlfriend and I-"

"I have a life here! I have school and I have my friends."

"Okay, clearly we need to talk about this," he stammered.

"Clearly." My eyes were mere slits and I folded my arms over my chest. "And the next time you start making plans for OUR future, how 'bout you think of asking ME what I want?"

He winced and nodded.

I sighed and put my hand over my forehead, rubbing my temples with my thumb on one side and my middle finger on the other. "Look, Adrienne's always telling me about how relationships are based on expectations. I expect you to be my boyfriend, loving and loyal and supportive and nothing really more than that. We're too young for anything more than that. What are you expecting of me?"

Ryan looked at me sadly. "I expect you to love me, only me. And someday, I expect you to be my wife."

I sighed and shook my head, unable to believe Ryan really expected that. And then I said something I probably shouldn't have. "I don't want to marry you, Ryan."

His face went white.

I planted my forehead against my palm. And then I exhaled really loudly. Yeah, neither of us was getting to sleep anytime soon.

Ryan and I argued about our future for hours and hours, not going to sleep until after 4am, after which it might have been better just to try and pull an all-nighter. After all, it can never be a small, 20-minute argument when you tell a guy you don't ever want to marry him when he's expecting you to get engaged and get married down the road. It's especially hard when your primary reason is that in the back of your head, you still want to believe you'll end up with someone else, only you can't come out and SAY that. Finding and trying to explain other excuses take a lot of time and effort.

Plus, I wasn't used to fighting with Ryan, so neither of us really knew how to just end the fight. After all, part of what made our relationship so great was that we never fought. He loved me and was devoted to me and I appreciated him for it. We were both pretty laid-back, neither of us bothered by personal idiosyncrasies or strange habits. For example, we never had the massive roommate conflicts that Ben and Adrienne had gone through when they first moved in together.

One other aspect of never fighting was that Ryan kept his own emotions and opinions to himself most of the time. He subscribed to the male-ideal of being strong, supportive, and dispassionate. He listened to me and offered me advice on my problems, but he was loathe to share his own. That was okay. I got enough "sharing" out of Ben on a daily basis. But in this case, Ryan had never really talked to me about his plans for the future, or that he'd even MADE plans for OUR future. I hadn't particularly agreed with what he'd come up with, and my own words to Ben were coming back to haunt me.

If the two of you don't agree on where things are going, then the relationship is just doomed to fail.

I didn't think Ryan and I were doomed just yet, but we certainly weren't in agreement, either. He wanted to settle down, or at least talk about settling down. And I thought it was too premature. In the end, we had to agree to disagree when we were too exhausted to continue and TRIED to get a couple of hours of rest.

A couple of hours wasn't enough. Add in a trying day of boring lectures and I was dog-tired when Ben and I made it back to his house the following day. Ryan was still at class and I wanted to stop in and check on Paige. I knew she'd had a prenatal visit the previous afternoon, and wanted to see how she was doing. She'd been remarkably less annoying ever since the pregnancy, taking life seriously and being far less of an irresponsible little girl than she'd been Freshman year.

"Heya, Red," I greeted Paige wearily as Ben and I entered in. "How'd it go?"

The pregnant girl looked up from her books, spread across the coffee table when we walked in. She smiled at me and asked, "Did you just call me 'Red'?"

I blinked and blushed. "I guess I did. So much time spent around Ben, after all."

She smiled warmly and nodded. Then she took a deep breath and glanced at Ben, a resigned expression on her face. "It's really real."

I nodded. "Ben told me you guys heard the heartbeat yesterday."

Paige nodded a confirmation. Then she sighed. "I guess we're just working out how I'm going to tell my parents. They're picking me up for Spring Break and there's no way I'm going to be able to hide this."

I frowned and sighed thoughtfully. "You going to be okay?"

She took a deep breath. "Ask me again when I get back." She snorted. "That's IF they even let me come back. I wouldn't put it past them to throw me in the car and dump me at a convent."

"Paige..." Ben groaned.

The little redhead shrugged. "Okay, I'm joking. Sort of ... Just like I joke when I tell Ben I want him to marry me and raise this baby." She giggled. Ben just looked nervously at me.

I arched an eyebrow and sighed. "Why is everyone talking about getting married and raising families?"

Now it was Ben's turn to arch an eyebrow. "Huh?"

I waved him off. "Just Ryan dreaming. Nothing serious." 'Nothing serious', I'd said, as if I wasn't caught in the biggest decision of my life. If Ryan pressed, if he wanted me to seriously commit to him or lose him forever, would I do it? I loved my boyfriend. He worked so hard to make me happy. But ... could he make me happy enough that I wouldn't regret not being with Ben? Dating Ryan for a few years was one thing, especially while Ben was sowing his wild oats. But ... forever? I used to think I could do it, but now that the decision was staring me in the face, I wasn't so sure.

Ryan ... not Ben ... for all eternity...

Was I just settling?

Or did I need to seriously start thinking about getting Ben back?

"Oh, okay," Ben shrugged. Strangely, he didn't seem even slightly worried that Ryan had been talking babies with me. Did he just not care?

"Anyways," Ben continued. "If you two will excuse me, I need to do some research."

I arched an eyebrow, but Paige beat me to it. "Research for what?"

He smiled. "It's my one-month anniversary with Cadence on Sunday. Just want to come up with something special."

I snorted to myself. Figures. I'm all torn up about whether to settle down with Ryan or pine after Ben, and he's focused on a date with Cadence. I sighed and shook my head, clearing away my melodramatic thoughts.

Paige bit her lip nervously while watching Ben head off into his own room. I looked thoughtfully at the girl while she let her eyes linger after Ben, and I sighed inwardly. So much for the little redhead getting over her crush. The longer she stayed here, the more she depended on having Ben as her partner in this pregnancy. This couldn't continue much longer. A decision had to be made for what to do with her baby.

I could wait, at least, to see what became of Paige's confession to her parents. If we were all lucky, they'd take responsibility for their daughter and help her get things organized. Maybe that meant organizing an abortion or adoption. Maybe it meant pulling her out of school until she could give birth and figure out how to raise the baby. Either way, we were just friends. They were family.

And if Paige's parents didn't resolve the situation, I'd have to pull Ben back from her. At best, Paige would have to deal with things more on her own. We could all help her out in the spirit of friendship, but we had our own lives to deal with. A pregnant teenager is a sinking ship, and if Ben didn't break free, he'd get sucked right down with her.

MARCH 20, 2004, SPRING BREAK

"So how's that studly boyfriend of yours doing? I feel like I haven't seen you all year," Dayna dropped the side of her head onto her palm. We were seated side- by-side on the living room couch at home, meaning my family's house.

"I know. I still can't believe you've been busy falling head over heels for Kevin."

"I KNOW," Dayna gushed. "Who'da thunk that?"

I rolled my eyes. How did the rest of us end up using so many SAT words and Dayna always slip into "who'da thunk"? But I moved beyond that and sighed, "Ryan's ... good."

"Uh-oh. You hesitated," my big sister smirked at me.

"No, really. We're fine. We're fine."

"Another rut? Maybe I should put together another blindfold party."

"NO." I glared at her, but Dayna was already waving her hands.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." She grinned. "My wild and crazy days are over ... I think. It pains me to think that I may have enjoyed your Big Ben for the last time already, but with how happy Kevin makes me, I think I just might be okay."

I blinked and furrowed my eyebrows at that.

Dayna just kind of looked at me for a long while and then asked, "Are YOU okay with that?"

I blinked a few more times. "Okay with what?"

My sister leaned forward, her eyes boring into mine. "Are you okay knowing that you've already had Ben for the last time? Are you ready to settle down with Ryan and live out the rest of your life in happy monogamy?"

"What?"

"Okay, well maybe not TOTAL monogamy." Dayna smirked. "Kevin and I DO like to play around from time to time. Did I tell you that we ran into Julie Carpenter and her boyfriend over Valentine's Weekend? A couple of drinks led to a couple more, and the next thing we knew, all four of us were getting naked at Kevin's apartment."

I winced. More information than I really needed. "What's your point?"

"You thinking of marrying Ryan?"

I frowned. How the hell could she know... ? "What makes you think Ryan's even considering that?" I hedged.

She shrugged. "He's a Senior, like me and Kevin and the rest. I talk to all my girlfriends and they talk to their boyfriends. We're graduating now. That means we're going out getting jobs and thinking of the future. Even if no one is about to get engaged or anything, they're taking a hard look at the person they're with and asking themselves if THIS is the person they want to face the real world with."

I leaned back and sighed. "Ryan, too."

"See," Dayna said triumphantly. "So you guys have had The Talk?"

"What talk?"

"THE Talk. The 'Are we serious enough to really do this together?' commitment talk."

"Uh, I guess so. I found out that Ryan had been making these plans about getting an apartment nearby his new job in a good community with a nice school district and stuff like that."

"So Ryan finally found a job?"

I sighed. "No. Not yet. Is that bad?"

Dayna shrugged. "Not seriously. Only about half of us have already figured that out. It's not really a good economy right now. So don't worry about him just yet. But wait, was he expecting you to go with him?"

I nodded.

"But you're only a Sophomore!" Dayna frowned.

"I KNOW. He acted like it was no big deal and that I could easily commute."

"That doesn't sound like Ryan. He was always so considerate of what YOU needed."

"I know." I sighed. "Probably our first big fight. He really took it hard when I explained that I had my life up here and I had no plans on leaving it yet. At least, not until AFTER school."

Dayna arched an eyebrow. "You mention Ben in all that?"

"What?"

"You mention that you didn't want to leave behind Ben at all? Even tangentially?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I dunno. Maybe. I mentioned all my friends."

Dayna shrugged. "Maybe that's why he wanted you to move out with him. Let's face it, once me and Brandi are gone, if you DON'T move with Ryan, you're moving back into the house with Ben, Adrienne, Brooke, and DJ, aren't you?"

"Wouldn't you?"

"In your situation? 'Course I would. And if I were Ryan, I'd HATE that idea."

"Why?"

"Don't be dense. You ... Ben ... under one roof ... Ryan an hour away at some tech job all day ... What do you think is going through your boyfriend's head?"

"Nonsense. Ryan knows Ben and I aren't like that anymore."

"Things change." Dayna looked at me seriously. "I, for one, will NEVER count you and Ben out. You're soulmates. It's destiny."

"Holy crap, Dawn! What's gotten into you?" Ryan blushed as I ripped open his shorts, hurriedly yanking them down his legs. He'd been ten minutes later than his expected arrival at my house, and I was damned impatient.

"Nothing's gotten into me," I groaned. "That's the point! I need YOU in me!"

With our parents at work and DJ's school having a different spring break week than Cal, Dayna and I had free rein of the house. And since Dayna had decided to go back to Berkeley to spend the weekdays with her friends, that meant I had free rein of the house.

I worked my boyfriend's shorts down to his ankles before kneeling at the foot of my bed and hunching over his lap. His thick cock was only half-hard before I pinched it between my fingers and inhaled it to the root, suckling furiously and reveling in the feel of his meat coming alive.

I felt Ryan's fingers sliding into my hair as he groaned. For a moment, I fantasized that it was Ben's hand and Ben's groan, and I moaned in heated arousal and started sucking harder.

But a second later, I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself back to the present. I couldn't think of Ben. WHY did my fucking subconscious keep doing that to me? Ryan was my boyfriend. Ryan was the man I loved. Ryan was the one who had been loyal by my side ever since High School.

Dayna was wrong. Ben wasn't my soulmate. Ben wasn't my destiny. He was just a very, very good friend I'd grown up with my entire life. There wasn't anything mystical about it. We'd spent so much time together that we understood each other. But it was the kind of bond that had made us such good friends over the years, and built the kind of trust that we could share EVERYTHING with each other. He could tell me how he was falling for Cadence. I could tell him how much I loved the way Ryan treated me. We were friends, nothing more.

I focused on Ryan. I focused on the feel of my boyfriend's cock. He had grown to the point that I couldn't fit him all inside my mouth anymore. So my fingers wrapped around his shaft below my mouth, stroking him while I fed upon the mushroom head. He groaned gutturally, "Dawn ... Dawn..." And soon enough, I felt his balls pulsing in my hands as he fed me the cream from his loins.

Like a good girlfriend, I swallowed every drop and then moved up to kiss him. Not minding the taste, Ryan's mouth parted to meet my tongue. And he kissed me with an intense passion as he thanked me for the excellent blowjob.

After another minute, Ryan rolled me onto my back and started stripping away my clothes. When he got me naked, he was quickly between my thighs, eagerly lapping at my wet slit and pushing first one and then another finger inside me for stimulation.

It was my turn to run my fingers through his hair and tug his head against my loins. I whimpered, "Ryan ... Ryan..." knowing how much it turned him on for me to say his name. And he munched on me with extra enthusiasm until I tensed up and let out a starter climax into his mouth.

Ryan then paused to undress himself the rest of the way as well. Eager to please, I rolled onto my stomach and then pushed myself up onto all fours, presenting my bare ass to him doggy-style.

"All RIGHT!" Ryan crowed. We really didn't fuck in this position nearly enough for him. I was too enamored of missionary style, feeling my man looming over me, pounding into me while I could wrap myself around him and feel his weight against my chest. I knew Ryan admired my ass and loved the view of fucking me from behind, but we simply didn't do it very often, Ryan's desire to please me usually outweighing his desire to have me in any particular position. That was why I was doing this for him now. If he wasn't hard after the break to eat me, he was certainly hard now.

"Unnnghhh..." I moaned as his shaft slid into me from behind. Ryan gripped my hips and pulled with steady force as he buried his cock deep into my pussy. I flexed my legs and wiggled my hips, luxuriating in the filling sensations of a hot dick stretching my vaginal tunnel. "Fuck me, babe," I urged. "Fuck me."

"Ohhh, Dawnnn..." Ryan groaned as he continued shafting me. "You feel so good, babe. You feel so good."

I closed my eyes and surrendered to the pleasure. Ryan could make me feel just as good as Ben, couldn't he? I imagined his turgid cock, throbbing and hot, pushing inside my body, battering aside my pussy walls as he descended, filling me up.

It was the wrong thing to think. I knew Ben's cock so well. I hadn't seen much of it lately, but I'd already memorized it's beautiful form. It was Ben's cock I was imagining, and my eyes snapped open as I fought to reassert myself over my subconscious. "Fuck me, Ryan," I grunted, emphasizing his name. "Fuck me."

"Oh, Dawn! Oh, Dawn!" He gasped at the edge of orgasm.

Now, babe, I thought hard. I'm so close. Squeeze my tits. Pinch my nipples. Grind your cockhead against my G-spot. Do it! Now!

But Ryan couldn't read my mind. No one could, really. Such a thing wasn't possible. Except that Ben always managed to do just what I needed when I needed it. Still, it wasn't Ryan's fault he couldn't hear my thoughts.

I reached back to yank his right hand off my hip, pulling it up to palm my swaying breast. I canted my hips forward, adjusting the angle and trying to get Ryan's cockhead to scrape me just right with each thrust. I'd measured both of my men. Ben's cock was 7 3/4"; Ryan's was almost the same length at 7 1/2". Not so big a difference, right? Both were long and thick and wonderful. But somehow, that extra quarter-inch was the difference between Ben's dickhead pressing my G- spot in this position and Ryan's ... almost ... but not quite.

It was okay. I was close to orgasm. Just a little more ... Just a little more...

"Arrrghh!!! I'm cumming, Dawn! I'm cumming!" Ryan slam-fucked me, pulling his hands back to my hips, using them as leverage to drive himself into me over and over again as hard as he possibly could.

Ugh, I'm almost there! Longer thrusts, please! No! No! Longer! Not shorter! Longer! Dammit!

But Ryan was gone. He stabbed me shallowly at hyper-speed, grunting in the final seconds. And then he exploded, filling me with sperm and cream and all those gloriously hot juices. His hips stopped moving and he held himself at maximum depth inside me, hosing down my innards while I whimpered at the razor's edge of orgasm, just not far enough to go over.

NOOOO!

"Unngh!" I put my head down onto the mattress and grunted, dropping my right hand into my own crotch, bracketing my clit and strumming furiously. Had to do this myself. Almost there! Almost there!

And then I was there.

"Gaaahhh!" I gasped with unbelievable relief, feeling the quaking orgasm radiate out from my hips. My legs spasmed and shook before collapsing. And then my pussy dropped away from Ryan's dick as I fell flat on my face across the bed, panting for oxygen.

Come with me, babe. Come lay on top of me and smother me in your welcome weight.

Instead, Ryan leaned back and sat on his heels. He hunched over to hold himself up with his hands on his knees, gasping for air as well.

That whole fuck symbolized my whole relationship with Ryan. He was good to me, and he made me happy ... Just ... not as happy as I'd have been if I were still with Ben.

And to settle down with Ryan would be just that: settling. Settling for second best. And I couldn't do that to myself. Not without regretting it for the rest of my life.

Dayna's words echoed in my brain: 'I, for one, will NEVER count you and Ben out. You're soulmates. It's destiny.'

I had to get Ben back.

MARCH 28, 2004, SPRING BREAK

I stared at the thin band. It was really just a cheap thing I picked up at a mall kiosk in San Jose. The stencil was done by a little machine not much bigger than a label maker. And after a couple of years, the text had started to flatten out. But it was still legible if you looked for it. And I would never forget those words on the silver band: Ben Forever.

Sighing, I closed the drawer and then folded down the lid to my jewelry case. Soon. Maybe as soon as tomorrow, I could put it back on. I thought about wearing the bracelet today; Ben would HAVE to notice it. But I wanted to talk to him first. Wearing the bracelet unexpectedly might only make him tense up.

In the end, I just made sure I looked good in a nice blouse that showed off my figure and comfortable jeans. Casual, nothing to put Ben OR Ryan on alert. But I still wanted to look good. Then I hustled over to Ben's house and settled in to wait.

And wait...

And wait...

Where are you, Ben? I need to talk to you.

I fidgeted nervously, biting my nails for the first time since I was thirteen. My mind was a jumbled mess, but a part of me just KNEW that it would all make sense once I saw Ben again. I still couldn't believe I was even THINKING of doing this, but I had to know: Would Ben take me back?

I loved Ryan. I believed he could make me happy ... enough.

But he wasn't Ben. He would never be Ben. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I would be happy with Ryan, the fact was, if I could choose between them, I'd choose Ben. And I just couldn't settle down with Ryan not knowing if Ben and I could work out together.

So this was what I'd come up with: I would tell Ben that I loved him and I wanted to know if we had a chance at being together again. I knew he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. But if he were willing, I was ready to throw away everything I had made with Ryan for the chance to see if Ben and I were truly destined to be together. It was reckless. It was impulsive.

But that's love.

I knew it was possible Ben wouldn't break up with Cadence for me. I didn't want to consider that option, but I understood that I was being a little irrational and this would be coming out of left field. I knew it was possible that Ben would see us better as friends, best friends, without the complications of romance. I didn't yet know how I'd react, but I didn't care. I was going to put myself out on the line and see what he did.

Now where the hell was he? I knew their flight schedule and I knew how long it took to get back from Oakland airport. Ben was already ... two minutes later than I expected, dammit!

And then the Mustang came around the corner and pulled into the driveway. I sighed in relief and went to the front door. Ben was coming up the steps with two suitcases when I ran up to him and gave him a welcoming hug, "Hey, you," I breathed, choking up a bit.

He didn't seem to notice. "Hey," he replied warmly enough. Then immediately he asked, "Is Paige back yet?"

I blinked. Was he serious? I'd had this big fucking revelation that I didn't want to just settle for Ryan and that I wanted Ben back and he was asking about freakin' PAIGE? But getting mad at him wasn't going to help my case. I shook my head and replied, "No. No word. Not even a phone call since her parents came to get her."

Oblivious to the turmoil in my head, Ben squeezed me tightly and then said, "I'm heading out to see Cadence. Call me as soon as you hear from Paige, okay?" Without another word, he turned around and started jogging up the sidewalk toward Cadence's dorm.

FUCK!

90 Dawn's Story V

Paige showed up about a half-hour after Ben left. Actually, she didn't just show up. She RAN through the front door, absolutely hysterical.

I was still around, waiting for Ben to come home so that I could tell him I loved him and needed to talk to him about our relationship. Adrienne met Paige first, grabbing the distraught little redhead and tried to calm her down. Brandi showed up as well. I stepped out, and in the end, all four of us wound up back in Adrienne's bedroom.

Getting information out of Paige was difficult. She was squealing and wailing and at a complete and total loss for what to do. Her answers were incomplete and half-unintelligible. And in frustration, I stepped away and called Ben's cell phone. I was sure he was busy fucking Cadence's lights out, but then he HAD said to call him as soon as I heard from Paige.

Two rings and voicemail. Seemed like someone had pressed the END button. Dammit, Ben. This is serious.

I called him again. Same thing.

The third time, the phone went straight to voicemail. FUCK. Ben had turned the damn thing off.

I shook my head and went back into the room.

Eventually, Paige got her story out. I couldn't believe that parents like this even existed. They'd actually DISOWNED their only child. How fucked up was that?

I suppose I should have been glad they hadn't physically assaulted her. Brandi had been the practical one to ask about the basics like food, shelter, school, and medical care. Paige was on a full-ride scholarship through her entire academic career. Turned out she was a genius, even managing straight "A's" last semester while doing drugs and sleeping around with random strangers. I supposed raw brain intelligence didn't apply to street smarts or basic wisdom about NOT doing drugs and sleeping around with random strangers. But at least she had dorm housing, cafeteria food, and medical care through the end of her pregnancy and beyond.

But it was still incredible what Paige's parents had done to her. No help of any kind besides prayer. I didn't knock prayer, I knew quite a few people who were religious, or had some kind of belief system, including several Christians. I'd seen them accomplish a LOT of things based on their faith and their convictions. But to not even TRY to directly figure out what was going on with their daughter just seemed irresponsible. They HAD to be some sort of extremist nut jobs, which made it all the more incredible that they'd let Paige come to Berkeley in the first place.

Paige was just getting calmed down when I heard steps on the front porch. I just knew it was Ben and I raced out of the room. I was emotionally frazzled first from wanting to ask Ben to take me back and having him walk away from me. Listening to Paige's trauma had only made things worse. And now that I actually saw Ben again, I was fucking pissed off. "Where the FUCK have you been?" I squawked at him.

Ben didn't look to be in the mood. "At Cadence's. You fucking KNOW that!" he barked right back. "What's going on?"

"I've been frantically trying to get a hold of you. Your cell phone is off or something." I marched Ben to Adrienne's bedroom and flung the door open wider. "While you were busy getting laid, WE were dealing with this," I jabbed my finger at Paige.

"I wasn't getting laid," he spat back, his eyes hard and his voice weary. And then without another word, he pushed past me and went into the room.

I found myself rooted to my spot for a second. Ohmigod, Ben broke up with Cadence! I knew it with certainty, from the look on his face and the way he'd reacted.

I couldn't help it. My brain had been spinning in circles ever since I came back to campus, anticipating Ben's arrival. When he'd arrived and left for Cadence's dorm, I stayed in his bedroom, imagining every possible conversational scenario he and I could end up in as I poured my heart out to him and pleaded with him to take me back. We'd been through enough without each other. It was time for us to be with whom we belonged.

Even with everything Paige was going through, half my brain had been on my own problems. And now that I realized Ben and Cadence had broken up, all I had was one thought:

Maybe we can be together again.

Darkness had already fallen when Ben had returned to the house to find a newly disowned Paige waiting for him in Adrienne's bedroom. So when Paige nearly passed out in Ben's arms, and he carried her to his bed and slipped in beside her, I realized that as much as I wanted to, I wasn't going to get the chance to talk to him tonight.

I was physically shaking from the pent-up tension as I stood in the open doorway to Ben's bedroom, watching him talking soothingly to Paige as he cuddled her against his body.

Dammit, this was supposed to be MY night! In at least half the scenarios I'd run through my head, Ben had embraced me adoringly and we'd made passionate, sweet love to each other until blissfully falling asleep in each other's arms. But NO ... It was freakin' PAIGE in his arms.

I tried to calm myself. It wasn't like Paige had any clue what she was doing to me. And it's not like the poor girl got disowned by her parents every day of her life. But it still hurt. It really, really hurt.

"Dawn? You okay?" Adrienne was beside me, speaking softly so as not to disturb Ben and Paige. I shuddered and hunched over, my shoulders tightening. And then trying not to cry, I turned away from the bedroom.

Behind me, Adrienne leaned in and quietly closed Ben's bedroom door. Then without a word, she wrapped her arm around my waist and guided me back into her bedroom. Without consciously thinking about it, I somehow ended up in the exact spot where Paige had been sitting a few minutes earlier. Adrienne was in her same spot, holding my hand and patting my knee in much the same way she'd done for the redhead.

"Dawn, what's wrong?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and shuddered again, hunching over and grimacing while fighting not to burst into tears. My mouth gaped open in a cry I didn't want to let my body have. And through it all, Adrienne just kept stroking me soothingly.

I couldn't take it anymore. I'd held it inside for DAYS, and I just couldn't hold it inside any longer. The next time Adrienne asked, 'Dawn, what's wrong?' I told her.

"I was going to ask Ben if he still loved me and wanted to give a relationship with me another chance."

I'd never seen someone's jaw drop that fast before. But to her credit, Adrienne recovered very quickly. She blinked rapidly and straightened her back, twice, before squeezing my hand and asking, "Okay. Uh, was this something you just recently decided?"

I nodded. Thankfully, Adrienne didn't look at me like I was crazy or something. If anything, she just seemed concerned and even a little touched. She quickly pulled me into a hug, squeezing her arms around me fiercely and saying, "Oh, FINALLY!"

I blinked in surprise. "'Finally'?"

Adrienne giggled and pulled back. She breathed a sigh of relief and then smiled at me. "I didn't know you at all before we met at camp, but over these last two years I've seen just how special you are to Ben. I'm not a hopeless romantic or anything, but I know you two belong together. And for a long time I thought I'd fucked things up by getting between you two before you could even get to school together. If it wasn't for me, you'd have hooked up with Ben again at that first summer camp instead of going back to Ryan. And I beat myself up over the thought that I'd somehow ruined not only your chance to be with him, but ruined Ben's chance to be with his soulmate forever."

I blinked again in surprise. "Really?"

Adrienne nodded. "I needed him then; I won't deny it. I was a broken girl without any real hopes for my future, just living life day-to-day and hopping from one fleeting pleasure to the next. Ben was my anchor, my rock; and without him and his family I don't know how I would have ended up. I didn't know you at the time and so it never really bothered me that I was keeping him away from you. But in retrospect, I've felt bad for getting in your way."

I looked at Adrienne sympathetically and rubbed her arm. "That's okay. I never really resented you," I assured her. "I only ever wanted him to be happy. You did that for him."

She snickered. "Only because YOU were around. If he wasn't able to spend all day with you, talking with you, sharing with you, he would have driven ME absolutely nuts well before we broke up." Adrienne sighed. "I'm happy for you, Dawn."

I sighed and frowned. "Don't be happy for me yet. It's not like I have him back yet."

"Oh, right," Adrienne winced. "Cadence."

I shook my head. "He broke up with her today."

"He did?" Adrienne's eyebrows shot up. "When did he tell you that?"

I shook my head again. "He didn't."

"Then how do you know?"

I pointed at my head. "I just know. Or, she broke up with him. Either way, Cadence is out of the picture."

Adrienne blinked at me, looking like she wanted to ask more about how I could know. But then she just shrugged, as if she knew better than to doubt my connection with Ben. "See ... you two are special," she just sighed. And then she winced and looked over to the wall in the direction of Ben's bedroom. "Oh, Dawn. I'm so sorry..."

"What?"

Adrienne waved. "Paige..."

I sighed. "I know. Timing, huh?"

"You'll tell him tomorrow." Adrienne squeezed my hand. "And no matter what happens, know that I'm on your side."

For some reason, Adrienne's declaration made a mountain load of tension slough off my shoulders. I visibly sagged, feeling my neck muscles relaxing as a goofy smile spread across my face.

"What?" Adrienne asked curiously.

I just shook my head and grinned. "It's just ... I've been all pent-up inside, waiting to see Ben again after the break, ready to pour my heart out to him. I haven't told ANYBODY that I want him back, not even my own sisters. You're the first to know. And after spending days all tensed up, for you to tell me that you're on my side ... it's just..." I couldn't finish my sentence since I was choking up and tears were forming in my eyes.

Adrienne just smiled at me and held my head, thumbing away the moisture from my eyes. "I'm on your side. If Cadence did the breaking up, Ben might be a little ... off ... for a few days. Plus, he can be kinda dense sometimes. So if he needs a swift kick in the ass to recognize how big a decision this is for you, know that I'm here to help you, okay?"

Still with moisture clouding my vision, I smiled and nodded. Adrienne held my head and leaned in to kiss my forehead. And then she pulled me to her for a hug while I wrapped my arms around her, enjoying the simple comfort. More and more tension flowed out of my body and out of my limbs as I sagged against her, the stress replaced by a sense of relief as Adrienne continued to hug me against her.

"And this won't be easy, dealing with Ryan, when you and Ben get back together," Adrienne sighed, patting my back. "Just let me know if there's anything I can do to help, or if you need someone to talk to. I know I'm not around much, but I AM on your side, Dawn. I want to see you and Ben together and happy almost as much as you do."

I cracked a smile at that, pushing my face deeper against Adrienne's shoulder and into her neck, inhaling her sweet scent while hugging her firmly. It occurred to me then that I hadn't felt this intimate an embrace with anyone but Ryan in a long, long time. Yeah, I'd hugged Ben quite fiercely on more than one occasion, even kissed him. I'd hugged other friends and my own sisters in the past couple of years. I'd even had sex with a few other people, at Dayna's Blindfold Party and then the Swingers Party. But no one save Ryan had ever just ... held me ... like Adrienne was doing. Maybe someone had at some point, but I couldn't remember it. And right now it felt sooo gooood.

Without thinking about it, I twisted my head and kissed Adrienne's neck in thanks. She shivered slightly at the touch of my lips, and tilted her head away to expose even more of her neck in invitation.

I didn't think about it the second time, either, kissing Adrienne's neck a little more firmly and getting rewarded with another strong shiver, plus a breathy little moan.

Only then did I start thinking about what I was doing. I had been faithful to my boyfriend since coming to Berkeley. Yeah, I had sex with other girls that first semester, just Adrienne, Dayna, and Brandi; but ever since returning to school the second semester of Freshman year, Ryan and I had agreed for things just to be the two of us. Only him. Only me. Monogamous and happy about it. Except for the one Swingers Party, we'd both kept our word.

But this was different. Adrienne was family, as much as Brooke or Brandi were my family; she didn't count. Adrienne was also a girl. It wouldn't be like I was letting some other man inside me.

And besides, if Ben took me back, I would be breaking up with Ryan anyways. Adrienne was right; it wouldn't be easy. But he had to know that I wasn't ready to give him my future. And knowing that Adrienne would be supporting me through this made me appreciate her even more.

Her eyes went up in some surprise when I pulled her face around to mine. But she didn't resist me as I pressed my lips to hers, tasting her sweet flavor as my tongue delved into her mouth. She let me press her back until she was lying down with me on top of her, our kiss deepening in passion and energy as our hands began to roam across each other's bodies. I needed this. After spending days all tensed up, both emotionally and physically, I was craving this sort of pleasurable release. Ryan couldn't be the man to do it for me anymore. Ben wasn't ready yet. Adrienne, the girl who had declared her support, was the one for me.

I'm not exactly sure how our clothes came off. I remembered her hands snaking beneath the back of my blouse to stroke the naked skin of my back. But it seemed that when I blinked again, my upper body was completely bare as Adrienne wrapped her lips around my swollen nipples and nursed on me like a starving baby.

The next time I really came up for air, I found that we were both naked, our legs interlaced to press our pussies together. Adrienne undulated her hips to grind her crotch against me while our tits rubbed together and our tongues slid wetly in and out of each other's mouth.

Our first climaxes came that way, our bodies entwined with pussy against pussy, tit against tit. Adrienne looked so stunningly gorgeous as she arched her head away from me, gasping in obvious pleasure. I couldn't help but lean in to kiss her neck again, causing her to shudder and clutch me tighter as she wailed, "Ohhh- ggaaaahhh..."

I wrapped my arms around her body to press her even tighter against my crotch while I kissed my way down her neck. Her arms cinched around me as well, holding me close while she grabbed onto my ass and tugged my pelvic bone against her clit. I was pretty close myself, and when Adrienne surprised me by sliding a wet finger into my ass, I jerked and climaxed myself.

"Nnnghhaah!" I gasped as the lightning bolt of pleasure shot through me. One thing I hadn't felt in a long time was any anal play. Ryan was very skittish about anything involving asses. He liked to see my ass and he'd kiss my cheeks; but he wouldn't go anywhere near my anus with finger, mouth, or dick. And he didn't want me going near his, either. I didn't necessarily mind — to each their own — but the point is that I hadn't felt that particular sensation in well over a year. And as Adrienne's finger wriggled in my colon, I kept bucking and screaming my pretty little head off.

When my orgasm passed, I couldn't decide if I wanted Ben and Paige to have already fallen asleep so they couldn't hear us, or for them to still be awake and for Ben to jealously picture me and Adrienne dyking it out, making him wish he could be in here with us instead of with Paige. Either way, Adrienne and I were only getting started, and I for one intended to get the most out of this re-entry into lesbian sex. If nothing else, once Ben and I got back together, I hoped the three of us would find frequent opportunities to hop into bed together. And in the meantime, Adrienne and I could practice our routine for between rounds while Ben had to recharge.

I kissed my way down Adrienne's neck and into her abundant cleavage. I was simply fascinated by how a pair of tits could be so naturally big and yet so firm and supple. I buried my face between the globes, playfully motorboating before moving to kiss each erect nipple. And then I started kissing my way lower across her belly.

"You know, I haven't tasted another pussy in over a year," I mused aloud.

"Really?" Adrienne grinned and spread her legs to the side, opening herself up and reaching down with one hand to split apart her own pink labia. "Well then," she said theatrically. "I think you should spend some extra time down there, just to re-familiarize yourself."

I giggled. "Good idea." And then I dove in, tongue-first.

It was 10pm when I realized I needed to call Ryan. I had left him at our apartment, telling him I was going to meet Ben and Brandi when they came home and that we were also expecting Paige to come back with her parents' reaction to her pregnancy.

Having not wanted my cell phone to make too much noise while Paige was pouring her guts out to us, I'd switched it to vibrate. Things were taking a little longer than I'd expected, and Ryan had called one time after Ben arrived to hear Paige re-tell her story. I'd sent him a text message just saying that we were still talking to Paige and things were not looking good, mostly just to stall him. And then he'd called one more time while Adrienne and I were getting busy with each other, although I hadn't even heard the phone vibrating.

I was surprised he hadn't just come over to the house at some point. Maybe a breakup would have been easier if he'd caught me having sex with Adrienne. But Ryan had stayed home, ever loyal and ever trusting of me. It made me feel even more guilty knowing what I was about to do to him. There simply is no such thing as an easy break up.

Now while I knew I had to call him, I had no idea what I was going to say. In all my scenario-planning, one way or another I would have already told Ben how I felt. Ben would either tell me he wanted me back, in which case I would need to break up with Ryan; or, Ben would tell me he wanted to stay best friends, in which case nothing changed, and I would need to evaluate on my own what to do about Ryan.

It never occurred to me that I wouldn't have had a chance to talk to Ben before talking to Ryan again. But that was the situation I was in now. Still naked and in Adrienne's bed, I held the phone in my hands and looked up at her while she brushed my bangs back from my forehead and gently ran her fingers through my hair. "What do I do?" I asked her. "I love Ben and I think we're ready to get back together, but if he doesn't feel the same way, I don't want to lose Ryan as well."

Adrienne sighed. "I think you need to tell Ryan how you feel about Ben either way."

"But then he'll break up with me."

Adrienne nodded. "I still think you belong with Ben, and Ben will see that, too. He's been waiting for you ever since I dumped him and you wouldn't take him back."

"Ben hasn't exactly been 'waiting'." I rolled my eyes. "And he seems really comfortable with our relationship as best friends. And if that's all he wants to be, then maybe staying with Ryan is the best thing for me. He's been my boyfriend for years. Ryan loves me, and I love him, too."

"Yet you're willing to break up with him for Ben."

"But I don't even HAVE Ben yet."

"So what? You're afraid to let go of your current relationship until you're sure you've got the next one?"

"Wouldn't you be?"

Adrienne sighed. "I'm on your side either way, Dawn. But I think you've got to make your own choice, independent of what Ben wants to do. If you want Ben, then break up with Ryan, period. It's not fair to keep stringing Ryan along. And if you're not ready to do that, then don't do this at all."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "But I'm not sure what I want yet. That's why I need to talk to my best friend about it."

Adrienne shook her head. "Talking to your best friend only works when said best friend is NOT one of the guys you're trying to decide between."

I was trying to come up with a rational defense for that when the cell phone in my hand started buzzing. A quick check of the display confirmed my suspicions: Ryan.

"I'm not ready for this yet," I whimpered. "It's all happening a little too fast." I squeezed my eyes shut and wished everything would go away. After days of agonizing by myself over whether I could be happy in the long run with Ryan or if I belonged with Ben, NOW I felt rushed. Do I tell Ryan I'm not sure about our relationship and that I still have these feelings for Ben? Or do I bury those thoughts until AFTER I'd talked with Ben and figured out where I stood with him first? "Ohmigod," I started hyperventilating. "Ohmigod."

Like a ticking time bomb, the phone kept vibrating in my hands. If I didn't answer it this late in the evening, I had no doubt Ryan would walk over here and make a decision for me.

But right before the phone went to voicemail, Adrienne snatched it out of my hands and hit the TALK button. "Ryan? Hey, it's Adrienne."

I blinked rapidly, looking up at the beautiful blonde. The sheet had fallen away from her body as she'd grabbed for my phone, her big, bouncing tits jiggling naked in the air right in front of me as she focused on the phone call. What was she doing?

"Yeah, yeah. Dawn's fine. She's right here with me, actually. But it's been a pretty intense night and she fell asleep. I don't want to wake her. Is it okay if she just crashes with me tonight?"

Adrienne glanced down at me with a hopeful expression on her face. My eyes went wide in surprise that she was doing this for me.

"Yeah, well, long story short, Paige's parents disowned her ... Yeah, I said 'disowned'. Kicked her out of the house, canceled her credit cards. Told her to never come back ... Yeah, I'm dead serious..."

Adrienne nodded, even though Ryan couldn't see her. "Yeah, she and Ben did a lot of work trying to calm Paige down. Paige is actually in Ben's room with him. I think they went to sleep, too. Everyone's pretty exhausted."

I sighed. Telling Ryan that Paige and Ben were in Ben's bedroom together would go a long way to keeping Ryan calm, instead of panicking that I might be in the room with Ben.

"So yeah, Dawn fell asleep in my bed while we were talking. But I'll make sure she calls you in the morning. Okay? ... Right ... Sure thing ... Bye, Ryan." Adrienne hit the END button on my phone and then turned it to me, showing me the display to confirm the call had ended. Then she handed it back and let me set it on the nightstand next to my purse.

"Thank you," I told Adrienne softly.

She bent over and pecked my forehead, bringing those big tits tantalizing close to my face. "I told you," she said warmly. "I'm on your side. And now we at least have one more night to think about this."

"Maybe," I said, bringing my hands up to cup her firm mounds and once again pulling a teat toward my lips. "But my head hurts and I don't want to think anymore. Can we just do this one more time and then go to sleep, for real?"

Adrienne smiled and held her own boob, guiding the nipple to my lips. "Sure thing. I think I owe you a couple of orgasms anyways."

I suckled the perky nipple into my mouth, and then smiled up at the beautiful golden blonde. "Sounds good."

MARCH 29, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

I made my decision when I woke up the next morning. Adrienne's naked body was spooned behind me, pressing those glorious tits into my back. Her arms wrapped around me, one hand cupping my left boob and her other hand on my hip as she breathed softly.

I felt peaceful. I felt warm. I felt happy.

I'd missed these feelings; and I realized that I couldn't live the rest of my life without them. I loved my boyfriend, but it was a thrill to wake up in the arms of someone else who cared about me. If I married Ryan, I would only ever be with him. I wouldn't be able to wake up in Adrienne's arms without some more convoluted explanations like last night. But I knew Ben would let me do so whenever I wanted.

I loved my boyfriend, but I missed spending "special" quality time with my sisters. I hadn't had sex with Dayna or DJ since Winter Break of my Freshman year. It wasn't that Ryan had forbidden me from doing so; he didn't even KNOW I'd been having an incestuous relationship with them. But with few exceptions, he'd been very firm about the "only you and only me" aspect of our sexuality, and I'd restrained that part of myself for his benefit. I didn't want to restrain myself anymore. I knew I wouldn't have to restrain myself with Ben. I could just be me.

And it was more than just sex. I'd felt disconnected from "The Family" for most of this year. Dayna had already commented about how she hadn't seen much of me all year, and she was right. She, Brandi, Adrienne, and Ben had been my roommates for the first year. But ever since getting serious with Ryan and moving out, I hadn't really talked or spent significant time with any of them except Ben. I missed my sisters, even the ones not related to me by blood. Dayna and I used to tell each other everything, but I barely knew a thing about this developing serious relationship she had with Kevin. And I hadn't really been there to support Brandi in her breakup with Matt.

So I knew what I had to do. I would break up with Ryan, and tell him I was too young to settle down and think of kids and careers and school districts and all that. But more to the point, I had to tell him that I just couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life. He was sweet. And he clearly adored me. It would hurt him like hell, but to hide the truth from him wouldn't be fair to either of us.

Because I loved my Ben.

And he was free now: no more Cadence, just a single guy who was probably hurting a bit from his recent breakup. He hadn't been together with Cadence for long, but he had put a lot of hopes into her, hopes he'd shared with me. I would be there for him as a best friend; but more than that, I would be there for him as the girl who loved him more than anyone else in the world.

Twisting around, I kissed Adrienne on the lips in a happy "good morning" and then slid out of bed. I knew I probably looked a mess, with neither fresh change of clothes nor makeup kit around. Not that Ben would care. He'd seen me grimy and dirty; and of course he'd seen me the morning after a few times himself.

Feeling frisky, I decided to skip the bra and simply pulled the blouse over my head. And after a look at Adrienne, I borrowed a pair of her cotton shorts to put over my panties. She was a bit hippier than me, but I tightened the drawstring while letting the shorts ride a little lower down at the same time. So what if the very top of my asscrack might be visible?

And then after one last check in the mirror, a gorgeous vanity that Ben himself had built for Adrienne, I twirled out the door. Adrienne, dressed herself, was just behind me.

The others were already up and about. Actually, Dayna and Kevin were up, but not exactly about. They were still in the bedroom and from the sounds of things, engaging in a bout of morning sex. I listened to the grunts and groans of my sister and her boyfriend floating down from upstairs, just noticeable if you listened for them, and happily skipped into the main room.

Brandi was in the kitchen, her back to me. But I barely noticed her. That's because my eyes were riveted to the dining table, where Ben was seated at the dining table by himself, hovering over bowl of cereal and toast.

My heart did little somersaults as a rush of pure delight fell over me. Finally, I would get a chance to tell Ben the way I felt. He would tell me he felt the same way and we would fall madly in love and the universe would be right again. I grinned happily as I stepped into the room and said brightly, "Good morning, Ben."

"Dawn!" he exclaimed in delighted surprise. His eyes yo-yoed down my body, less checking me out despite my lack of a bra, and more because he seemed to recognize that I was wearing the same blouse from yesterday. "Still here?"

I nodded. "Spent the night with Adrienne." There was a sexy tease in my voice.

Ben's eyebrow arched and he glanced appraisingly at the gorgeous blonde a few feet behind me. He knew what I meant, and a low chuckle began in his throat. "Wish I was there."

"Wish you were too," I sighed seriously.

His eyebrow arched again along with a bemused smile. He was trying to decide if I was just teasing him or not.

"Anyways," I started, trying to move along to my subject, glancing at Adrienne for moral support. She gave me a warm grin and I turned back to Ben. "I wanted to tell you something. Got kind of lost in the shuffle with everything that happened last night."

He nodded and put down his spoon. "Sure."

I took a deep breath. "Ben, we've been frien-"

"Hey, loverboy!" Paige cut me off as she twirled in from the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in her hands which she quickly put down on the dining table. She was wearing one of Ben's button-down dress shirts, and seemingly nothing else, though the shirt was long enough on her petite frame to cover anything up. And without another word, she vaulted into Ben's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to kiss her and doing her level best to inhale his tongue down her throat.

Ben groaned into the kiss, happily embracing the little redhead as she sat sideways on his lap. His left hand wrapped around her back to cup her breast from the opposite side. His right hand lovingly rubbed her pregnant belly. And all the while she gyrated her ass over his crotch.

My eyes narrowed. My pulse raced. And all I could think of was a single thought:

GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT!

---

The Text ll - The Complicated Sex Life Of Ben - Chapter 94 by Fireces full book limited free

91 Conflicts of Interest l

BEN

MARCH 29, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"Good morning, Ben."

"Dawn!" I exclaimed in surprise. My gorgeous best friend had clearly just woken up and just as clearly spent the night here. Her sunny blonde hair was clipped into a loose ponytail. The blouse she was wearing was the same as yesterday. And she seemed to be going without a bra, her nipples hardening beneath the sheer fabric. "Still here?"

She nodded with a smug grin. "Spent the night with Adrienne."

I arched an eyebrow and glanced appraisingly at the gorgeous blonde just a few feet behind Dawn. My mind immediately was filled with scandalously naughty thoughts of Dawn and Adrienne, getting naked and rolling around my old bed sucking on tits and munching pussies. My brain even filled in the boom-chicka- wow-wow music. "Wish I was there," I joked.

"Wish you were too," Dawn sighed, sounding serious.

My eyebrow arched again as I wondered whether to take her words at face value.

"Anyways," she began, before I could really decide. "I wanted to tell you something. Got kind of lost in the shuffle with everything that happened last night."

There was a quiet seriousness in Dawn's voice, so I nodded and put down my spoon. My cereal wasn't going anywhere. "Sure."

She took a deep breath. "Ben, we've been frien-"

"Hey, loverboy!" Paige cut her off as she twirled in from the kitchen. Before I realized it, my randy redheaded lover had vaulted into my lap, squirming her naked crotch against my shorts and doing her best to shove her tongue down my throat. I groaned into the kiss and happily pawed away at her nubile body. After our incredibly wonderful lovemaking last night, I could only start imagining even more.

But a second later, I realized that we'd interrupted Dawn, and I pried Paige off me. "Later, later, Red," I said soothingly. I looked over at Dawn, who was already walking past us and into the kitchen. "Hey, what was it?"

Dawn didn't look back as she tossed a hand over her shoulder. "Nothing important."

"No, seriously." I looked into the kitchen where Dawn was already greeting Brandi and hunting for a bowl.

"Ah, just a bit of news," Dawn said while glancing back through the doorway. "Did you hear Bert and Robin broke up?"

I blinked twice. "Really? I thought they were getting things worked out."

Dawn sighed and came back out of the kitchen, an empty bowl and a spoon in hand. She shook her head and looked away from me. "No. They went on a trip together down to San Luis Obispo and to tour Hearst Castle. Hoped to find the magic again. But when they got back, Robin told Gwen and Gwen told me that they were done."

"Ouch."

Dawn shrugged. "It was the Swingers Party that really killed them. They were in a rut and thought that sleeping with other people might put some spice back. But instead it just was the final nail in the coffin. Made them both want to experience new things and new people."

I winced. "Sex always changes people..."

Dawn nodded. "They both tried to be mature about the relationship and make things work; it's why they lasted this long. But Robin said she kept fantasizing about other guys while she was with Bert and apparently, Bert was doing the same thing."

I arched an eyebrow. "Bert fantasizing about you?"

Dawn shrugged and looked down. "Yeah. Sometimes. I don't mind. He's a good enough friend that we're not awkward about it. It's nothing serious. Not like he has a crush on me. I get the impression he's had a few fantasies ever since he MET me. So it's no big deal." And with that, Dawn bit her lip and went into the kitchen to retrieve the bowl of cereal.

Adrienne flashed me a strange look, and then headed in right after Dawn.

Paige pulled up next to me, sliding her hand on top of mine. "You never fucked my ass last night, Ben," she purred into my ear, licking the lobe immediately after. "You KNOW how much I love it there. Whaddaya say? You wanna play hooky today with me and go back to your bedroom?"

I grinned. Sounded like a good plan. But just as I started envisioning pretty Paige bent over on all fours, shoving her butt out at me and whispering blasphemies, my mind shifted back about ten seconds. Dawn had a weird look in her eyes as she turned back into the kitchen, and I couldn't help but wonder why.

Then Paige was sliding up against me, pushing my bowl away with one hand. "C'mon, Ben. My hormones have started going crazy as I get into the second trimester. And my nipples are REALLY sensitive. If we're staying home today, we can eat later."

There was a promise and a husky need in Paige's voice. And with a little smile, I let her pull me to my feet and back into my bedroom.

To my credit, I had tried to slow Paige down by telling her that we needed to talk about this before taking things any further. But stubborn girl that she was, she pointedly ignored any of my protests before jerking my shorts down and trying to suck my cock. I even tried to put my hands against her shoulders and head to keep her at bay, but she batted my hands aside and just kept coming. I didn't have the fortitude to use any more force against such a small girl, and a pregnant one at that. And once she got her lips wrapped around my shaft, I knew I was a goner.

There were no more protests by the time Paige moved up and sat on my prick, cooing as the shaft ascended upward into her vaginal canal. And for perhaps the first time, she looked like a young woman about my age instead of a little girl.

Paige's dark auburn hair was loose and flowing over her shoulders, framing a pretty face with elfin, but mature features. She looked like a professional seductress wearing my dress shirt, unbuttoned from throat to tails. And I was fascinated to see the curvature of her three-and-a-half month pregnant belly protruding out just above our joining.

But in a mild panic, I looked up at her and asked, "We're not ... hurting ... ah, the baby ... are we?"

Paige giggled and shook her head. "No silly. She's well insulated with lots of padding and shock absorption. The doctor said sex would be good for me. I just haven't been getting it lately."

I blinked a couple of times. "She?"

Paige nodded. "It's a girl. I just know it."

Biting my lip while she rode me slowly, I sighed, "I just can't help the thought that there's some little human being in there, with undeveloped eyes watching my dickhead zooming right up to its face and then backing away."

"You KNOW my cervix is closed, Ben." Paige rolled her eyes. Then she leaned over to my nightstand, pulled open the drawer, and pulled out a familiar tube of KY. "Besides, if it really bugs you, getting my pussy fucked wasn't exactly what I had in mind right now."

The pregnant little nympho smiled impishly and then proceeded to reach back and lube herself up while continuing to fuck me. Five minutes later, she was on all fours, grunting as my cock burrowed deeper and deeper into her extremely tight asshole.

"Fuck me, lover," Paige crooned. "Take my ass ... I'm your slutty, sinful bitch! Cornhole the hell out of me and then blast me full of scalding hot cum!"

"Oh, god," I couldn't help but groan as her words egged me on. I held onto her womanly hips, and then slammed the last two inches into her rectum in a single thrust, jerking her body forward.

"Unngh!" Paige grunted and then clenched down with her anal muscles, trapping me momentarily while she absorbed the sensations of my cock fully embedded inside her nether hole.

"Oh, Paige..." I whimpered.

"Fuck me..." she crooned. "Fuck me..."

"Oh, Paige..."

"Fuck me, Ben. I missed this so much ... I missed YOU so much. Fuck me, lover. Pound me. Sodomize me. Blast my nasty ass full of your spunk!"

"Unngh!" I grunted as I rammed my cock in and out of her ass a little harder.

"Brimstone and Hellfire! Fuck!" Paige squealed and rammed her hips back at me. "This is so naughty! So sinful! I'm fucking pregnant and my lover is ramming his dick up my ass! Fuck me, Ben! Never stop fucking me! I'll be your slut forever! I'm your sinful, lustful slut! Fuck me! Anytime you ever want for the rest of our lives just fuck me! Grab me and throw me down and I'll willingly spread my legs for you! Shove it in my ass! Cream inside my pussy! I don't care! Fuck me, lover! I'm yours for all time!"

"Arrrghhh!" I grunted, at the edge of climax. I was gripping Paige's hips and pounding her with an uncontrollable fury. Her anal sphincter was stretched as wide as it could possibly go, and she'd put enough jelly in there so that there was minimal friction.

"FUCK ME!" Paige howled. "FUCK ME! FUCK ME!"

"ARRRGHH!" I howled with her, ramming my pelvis forward one final time and holding it there. My cock was buried to full depth up her ass and I let fly with a massive load of spunk, filling up her bowels with jet after jet of creamy jism.

"Oh, GOD!!!" Paige screamed as she felt the hot splatters against her bowels. She'd waited for my orgasm, and only now did she throw her head back and scream to the heavens, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"

We trembled and shook on top of the bed for a full minute together, me squirting out the last gobs of cum into Paige's asshole while she quivered in the aftershocks of her climax. But no matter how much Paige may have wanted to collapse after that, some maternal instinct prevented her knees from buckling and dropping her onto her stomach.

Instead, she held on until I extracted myself out of her asshole and then reached over for the baby wipes. And only then did Paige roll onto her side and pant for oxygen while tenderly cradling her swollen belly.

Seeing her do that brought me crashing back to Earth quite quickly after the heavenly (or is that hellish?) pleasures we'd both just felt. The simple fact was: I'd told myself that Paige and I wouldn't resume a sexual relationship; that I was here to be her friend and support in this time of need. I loved her, but like a little sister. And no matter what else she meant to me, I just didn't have that romantic chemistry with her that she may have wanted.

Closing my eyes, I realized that I'd let my dick lead me on ... again. Last night, I'd given into my lust and need for comfort after getting dumped by Cadence. That one time, I might have forgiven myself. But now, after having had the chance to think about it, I'd let myself be seduced again.

"Paige, we need to talk about this," I said quietly.

She didn't answer me for a long time, her back turned to me as she lay on her side still cradling her belly.

"Paige..." I said softly again, briefly wondering if she'd passed out or fallen asleep.

Just when I was about to reach out and touch her, she rolled over to me, a sheen of moisture in her eyes and a world of sadness on her face. She pleaded with me with just her eyes, big doe eyes just the way Eden and Emma always looked at me when they wanted me on their side. And without a word, she reached out to my now-cleaned off cock, took it in her small hands, and bent over, suckling me back into her mouth.

"Mm!" I jerked at her warm, wet touch. Possessed of its own mind, my dick started stirring in anticipation of a second round, if not third or fourth or whatever. But I gently put my hand to her cheek and tried to direct her off me. "Paige, seriously. We need to talk about this."

"But I love you..." she whimpered and resumed sucking.

"I know," I sighed, continuing to try and direct her off.

"And you said you loved me..."

I grimaced and averted my eyes. Of all the things we'd done last night, I hadn't forgotten that part. "Yeah..." I began slowly. "About that..."

Paige abruptly stopped sucking, her eyes rolling up to mine. I'd stopped trying to pry her off my dick, but she didn't continue trying to give me the blowjob.

After another second, though, a tear rolled down her cheek and she pulled off my cock. And she gave me the most heartbreaking puppy-dog look I'd ever seen, my baby sisters included. "Please, Ben? I swear to God we'll talk when we're both done. But I'm not ready for this to end just yet. Please let me do this. Please, let US do this. And when we've both had our fill, when we're both too tired to continue, I promise we can talk all you want."

I blinked a few times, just processing everything she was saying. Paige decided to help along my decision process by bending over and slowly bobbing her head up and down my growing prick, filling my brain with pleasurable little lightning bolts. Her eyes were turned upward, watching me the entire time. And in the end, I just sighed and nodded.

We could talk later.

DAWN

"Fuck me..." she crooned. "Fuck me..."

"Oh, Paige..." Ben groaned in response.

With tears rolling down my cheeks, I sat on the couch, my knees pulled up to my chest while I wrapped my own arms around my legs and rocked slowly. I could feel my heart cracking with every moan that emanated out from that bedroom.

Adrienne was right beside me, her arms wrapped around my body, squeezing fiercely. "Dawn, Dawn," she soothed and rubbed my back.

"Of all the fucking people he had to rebound with, why HER?"

"They're just comforting each other," Adrienne tried to rationalize, not looking entirely convinced herself. "You said Ben got dumped by Cadence. Paige got dumped by her parents. They spent the night together ... Both of them are feeling hurt and needy ... And you know Ben does most of his morning thinking with his morning wood."

"Fuck it," I spat. And then I stood up and started back into Adrienne's bedroom. I'd have to retrieve the clothes I left in there. "This was a mistake. This whole thing was a fucking mistake. I don't know what the hell I was thinking."

"Dawn, where are you going?"

"To my apartment. To change. And then to class. I AM a student, remember?"

"Fuck me, Ben. I missed this so much ... I missed YOU so much. Fuck me, lover. Pound me. Sodomize me. Blast my nasty ass full of your spunk!"

I clenched my eyes shut and balled my hands into fists. Without another word I went into Adrienne's bedroom and picked up my discarded bra. I started pulling off my blouse so I could get re-dressed.

Adrienne appeared behind me and closed the bedroom door for privacy. The extra barrier helped to muffle the sounds of Ben and Paige buttfucking a dozen feet away. She looked at me seriously, with almost a pleading expression. "Dawn, this doesn't change anything we talked about last night. You still need to talk to Ben about your feelings and-"

"No!" I cut her off. I fastened my bra and then started pulling the blouse back on. "Thinking THAT was my mistake. Ben and I are different people now. We're not little kids playing in sandboxes anymore. We're not even teenagers at camp anymore. We're young adults, both of us almost 20, in the real world. We're at school. And we're friends."

"But you can be MORE. Ben accepts you as friends out of respect for you and Ryan. But he wants more from you. If you just tell him the way you really feel-"

"I can't do that." I interrupted.

Adrienne whimpered. "Well, if you can't, then maybe I can talk to him and-"

"NO!" I cut her off. "You do NOT tell Ben."

"Dawn..."

"Swear to me, Adrienne. Swear to me you won't tell him or I'll never forgive you!"

"But if you really love him..."

"I don't know that anymore. I love Ben as a friend. I know how much of a horn dog he is and that he's got a wandering eye. As friends, that doesn't bother me at all. But he's not right for me as a boyfriend. And I don't know that I can ever love him again like one."

"You don't mean that," Adrienne pleaded. "You and Ben are soulmates. You belong together."

I shook my head. "That's just wishful thinking ingrained in the both of us by our parents. My mom and Ben's mom always dreamed of having shared grandkids. It's a nice fantasy, but it's not practical. I bought into it, I did. But the fact is, the Ben I've dreamed of and the Ben I'm in love with is a fantasy too. It's not the real Ben. The real Ben is in that other room, FUCKING ANOTHER FUCKING GIRL'S ASSHOLE!" I yelled the last part.

"Dawn..."

I finished putting my jeans on and flung my hair back over my shoulders. "Nuh-uh. I don't need all this drama. I don't WANT all this drama. I've got a loving boyfriend who clearly adores me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He's stable. He's dedicated. He's handsome and hard-working and I know for a FACT that he'll never cheat on me or ever give me any reason to worry about him. I'm tired, Adrienne. I'm tired of dealing with all the shit around Ben. He'll always be my friend. And I will always love you and everyone in your family. But I think I'd like to just settle down and be happy, you know? And Ryan will do that for me."

"As happy as you'd be with Ben?" she asked.

"Maybe Ben could make me happier ... maybe. But subtract away all the drama and headaches and worrying and all that crap I'd have to go through with him? No, I'm choosing Ryan." Then I turned and walked out the door.

BEN

"Nnnghh ... nnnghhh..." Paige panted softly while I shafted her from behind. We were lying on our sides, spooned together with my cock imbedded in her tight pussy. This was our third go-round. I'd already dropped a load in her ass and another in her mouth. The desperate urge to cum was gone and for the moment, we were pleasantly making love.

We'd started this last round missionary-style, Paige holding me close to her. But I'd panicked about putting too much pressure on her belly and so we'd switched to doggy-style. But as the sex session wore on, we ended up on our sides to conserve energy and playfully cuddle while I continued to slowly pump into her from behind.

Paige always had nice tits, proportional to her petite size. But they'd been doing some growing over the past few months, filling up into a very pleasant handful. I knew this because her right breast was currently filling my right hand as we made love. I used it for a handhold while enfolding myself around her smaller body. And our hips came together and then drifted apart with a metronomic rhythm that suited the both of us.

Paige wasn't cursing anymore. This wasn't a wild, aggressive fuck. It was just a peaceful expression of love and pleasure, and she sighed happily while feeling me so intimately connected to her. At her moment of climax, she trembled in my arms while I kissed her right shoulder. And about two minutes later, I sped up into short thrusts and then released myself into her, filling up her vaginal cavity with wriggling sperm that would never find their way into her womb.

"That was nice," she sighed.

"Mmm..." I hummed, slightly delirious post-ejaculation.

"I'd love to have that feeling every morning."

I sighed and pushed my forehead into her hair. I hugged Paige's naked body against me, squeezing her close before releasing her and slowly pulling back.

My semi-hard cock was trapped in her narrow pussy for a second before tugging free, followed by a slow trickle of cum. I fetched some tissues to help blot her up and then rolled my chest up against her back once again. And stroking her arm soothingly, I said, "Paige, maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"It was a great idea," she sighed happily. "I got to feel you in me again. Do you know how long I've been waiting for that?"

"Paige..."

"Since we broke up almost a year ago. I mean, I know I broke up with you. It was the biggest mistake of my life."

"It was the right decision."

"No it wasn't," Paige shook her head. "I was a stupid girl making an impulsive decision. We'd been together for what, three months? We weren't even exclusive; you were Adrienne's boyfriend at the same time. And I was expecting you to be madly in love with me and want to marry me and be Happily Ever After."

I winced and averted my eyes again.

Paige took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, lowering her own eyes. And in a somber voice, she admitted, "But you were right: feelings don't work that way."

I just looked thoughtful and waited for Paige to continue.

"Intellectually, I realized all that. I told you I still wanted to be friends. But then we went away for the summer and I really, really missed you. I started overthinking things and I resented you for not loving me the way that I wanted. I was still madly in love with you, but you weren't there, and I started resenting you for it. I wanted to prove to myself, and prove to you, that I didn't need you. So I met new people. I went out and got laid. I tried a couple drugs. It was fun. It was exciting, and you know how much I love 'exciting'. I figured I could handle it."

Paige's voice trailed off and then she looked down and patted her distended belly. "I was wrong."

I reached out and rubbed her arm reassuringly.

Paige sighed and continued, "Things just snowballed. One minute, I'd be so happy and thrilled I felt like I could fly. The next, I'd be crying without having any idea why. I'm not bipolar. I enjoyed the rushes. But I think it was the drugs I was taking that were really messing with my head. And I started craving bigger and better highs. I started doing crazier and crazier things. My life was spinning out of control, and there was no one there to stop me."

She looked ready to start crying again, and I drew her naked body to mine, holding her firmly. I didn't speak, but I reassured her with my embrace that I was here and that nothing bad could happen to her while she was still in my arms.

"I never stopped loving you, Ben. I hated you at the same time, but I was always in love with my White Knight. You were the first man I ever really loved. You were my First, virginity-wise. YOU were the man who protected me from everyone, including myself. I just know that if I'd stayed your friend, none of this crap would have ever happened to me. You wouldn't let it."

I patted her arm and rubbed my nose into the back of her head.

She took a deep breath and then sighed. "I realize now that I wasn't a very good girlfriend. I thought I could make you happy by letting you fuck me whenever you wanted. I thought that's all a guy wanted. But when I looked back at the way you were with Adrienne, with Dawn, with everyone around you, there's more than that. They don't just LET you do things to them, they share with you. They have their concerns for you. They make themselves available to give you advice. It's an equal partnership. You love them, protect them, worry about them, and they do all the same for you. They want to MAKE you happy just as much as you want to make them happy. And I didn't do that. I was only ever concerned with making myself happy."

I sighed, deciding to speak up. "You made me happy, Paige."

She turned in my arms, twisting her face around until she could look up at me. "Only momentarily. Through sex, I gave you momentary highs, just like me and the drugs. But the drugs didn't love me back. The drugs didn't think about what was going through my mind and think about what they could do to make my life better in the long run. And I didn't do any of those things for you, either."

"I wasn't expecting you to. We didn't have that kind of relationship."

"That was the problem. How could I expect you to love me when all we had was physical and casual? I showed up, we fucked, and we hung out together. There was nothing deeper than that; and I never had any interest in getting deeper than that. That's what I want to change now. I love you. I want to make YOU happy. I know that's going to be tough now that I'm pregnant and I've got all these complications in my life. I won't lie: I NEED you now, more than ever. My parents abandoned me yesterday. I don't have any real friends, no one else I can really depend on. I'm desperate and I'm clinging on to you, in part because I simply have nowhere else to go. But I don't want to just... leech off you anymore. I want to give back. I want to make you happy."

"Paige..."

"I'll be here for you every day. I want to take care of you the best way I know how. I'll cook. I'll clean. I'll make myself available to talk about your day. I'll make love to you with such passion, and I won't be jealous if you want to seek pleasure with other girls. I'll love you unconditionally, completely and totally unconditionally. I don't have much experience being a good girlfriend, but I'll try. I swear to God I'll try."

"Paige..."

"I LOVE you, Ben!" she whimpered. "And last night you said-"

"I was hurting last night," I interrupted her. "I didn't-"

"-mean it," she interrupted me. "I know." She bit her lip and looked away again. Then she took a deep breath and gave me the puppy-dog look again. "Ben, I'm going to do everything I can until you mean it. I'm going to love you like you've never been loved. I'm going to show you every possible-"

"PAIGE..." I put a finger over her lips to quiet her. Her eyes were wide but she obediently quieted down. "You can't force love," I said solemnly. "It has to grow on its own."

She blinked and waited for me to pull my finger away. She whimpered for a moment and looked down before saying, "Don't leave me, Ben. I need you. Please, don't abandon me too. I have nowhere else to go."

"Paige, of course I would never abandon you," I said reassuringly.

"Then just let me stay here with you. I love you and I won't try to hide that. You say love needs to grow on its own? Then fine. If it grows it grows. I'll do my best to help that process along. But I won't demand anything of you. Just let me be here ... near you ... and whatever happens, happens. Fair enough?"

I sighed and thought about it. She was madly in love with me again and I didn't feel the same way. Logic said I should keep her at arms length as much as possible, while still trying to give her the support she needed in this very difficult time.

But I was lonely, too. Brandi was still keeping herself aloof from me as she tried to figure out a new balance in our relationship. Adrienne was gone half the time as her modeling career took off, plus her sorority commitments. And Dawn was still with Ryan. Now that Cadence had broken up with me, I felt a big void and a deep craving for affection and love.

I knew I was rebounding a bit. I KNEW it. But that didn't make Paige's offer any less tempting. She just wanted to love me and learn how to think of ME. Why would anyone NOT want that?

"Okay," I said softly and then leaned in to peck Paige's forehead. "Okay."

"Hey," I greeted quickly as I slid into my chair. Bert looked over and nodded at me while Dawn just focused on her notes. A second later she glanced up and gave me a little wave, then turned back down to her notebook.

"You just get up?" Bert asked curiously as he pointed at my still damp hair. It was after lunch, a meal that I normally ate with Dawn and Bert before we all came to our Sophomore Business Seminar, and a meal I'd missed today after spending the entire morning in bed with Paige.

"Something like that," I drawled and then before Bert could reply, Professor Ice walked through the door like an Imperial Queen.

The room quieted down quickly and class began.

A little over an hour later, the three of us waltzed out of the classroom and started heading across campus down to Dawn's and Ryan's apartment. I moved over to Dawn and asked, "Did I miss anything important this morning?"

Her eyes flashed with ... something ... before she shook her head and said coolly, "You can copy my notes when we get to the apartment."

I nodded and then frowned as I evaluated my best friend. "You okay, Dawn?"

She shrugged and answered, "I'm fine. Relationship issues."

"Ah," I smirked. I glanced at Bert, walking along a couple of feet away. Whispering a little more softly to Dawn, I asked, "Want to talk about it later?"

"Not really. I'm fine. It'll pass," Dawn assured me.

I blinked a few times, continuing to stare at my best friend. Whatever it was, she WASN'T just fine. But I didn't want to press her with Bert around and so in the end, I just shrugged and continued walking.

Bert filled the awkward silence by slapping my shoulder lightly. He looked over and asked, "Oh hey. What's the latest on Paige? I asked Dawn this morning but she said I'd be better off asking you."

I explained about her parents disowning her and abandoning her at the school. I explained that she was handling things pretty well, all things considered. And since she had a full-ride scholarship with all her basics taken care of, room, board, medical, etc., she wasn't desperate just yet.

"That's during the school year," Bert pointed out. "What happens in the summer?"

I blinked and my eyes went wide. I hadn't thought about that. Of course, a part of me wanted to offer to let her come home with me, but then I would very likely not be heading home for the summer. Business internships were waiting along with the Undergraduate Business Program, and I'd probably be staying at the Berkeley house the way Brandi had been spending her summers here. In that case, I supposed she could stay at the house with me, but then this "temporary" living situation with Paige would start becoming rather permanent. Was I ready for that sort of thing? I still didn't think Paige and I should be romantically involved, but the situation was certainly bringing us closer and closer together.

Unable to work everything out immediately, I decided to change the subject. "So how are you doing? This whole thing with Robin."

Bert sighed. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Robin and I are still friends. We both felt this thing falling apart all semester. I just think our relationship ran its course and now we're both moving on to new things. It's a part of growing up."

"Still, it's got to hurt a bit," I said sympathetically.

"I'll be fine," Bert assured me. He glanced at Dawn with a little grin. "There are plenty of fish in the sea."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Not this one. Ryan and I are doing just fine thank you very much."

"Oh, I know," Bert grinned at the gorgeous blonde. "But if I ever find your long- lost twin sister, you can bet I'll be all over her." Then he glanced across the greenscape to where a striking brunette was walking in the opposite direction. "Ooh, or maybe her."

Dawn snorted and I clapped Bert's back. "You've come a long way from stammering in front of a pretty girl."

Bert grinned. "On that note, I think I'll go introduce myself."

I arched an eyebrow and looked at my friend. "You serious?"

"Sure, why not? What's the worst she can do, turn me down?" With a little grin, Bert turned away from us and headed back up the pathway, no doubt calculating a suitable intercept point on the striking brunette.

Dawn and I both looked after him, chuckling. I glanced at my best friend and asked, "You and Gwen scramble his mind when you two fucked his brains out?"

Dawn punched my shoulder pretty hard. "No." And then she took a deep breath. "Well, maybe. He's certainly been more outgoing and aggressive ever since that night."

"It's amazing what good sex can do for a boy's confidence..." I nodded sagely. And then raising my eyebrows, I glanced back at Dawn. "Well at least we're alone now. And I need to talk to you."

Dawn sighed and nodded, slightly weary but willing. "Okay. What's up?"

"Paige."

Dawn rolled her eyes and pointedly looked away from me, scowling. "You know what, Ben? Not right now."

"Huh?" I looked at her in confusion.

"Look, you know I'm always here for you, to chat or vent or whatever," she said with just a bit of an edge in her voice. "But I'm just not in the mood right now. Okay?"

"Okay, okay." I held my hands up. "No problem."

We walked along in silence for a bit. I felt weird. Clearly, something was bothering Dawn. And the last thing I wanted to do was aggravate her. "You know, YOU can always talk to me, too," I reminded her.

She exhaled in resignation. "I know, Ben. I know. Just ... not now."

Okay. Dawn needed space. I could do that. Still, I reached out and squeezed her hand, pumping it three times and giving her my most reassuring smile. Whatever was going through my best friend's head, I wanted her to know I was on her side.

But she didn't look back at me.

DAWN

APRIL 2, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"After you, Mademoiselle." Ryan said theatrically. He held my hand with his right, bowing and gesturing with his left for me to proceed as he helped me out of the passenger seat.

I giggled, took two dainty steps forward, and then turned and waited for my boyfriend to catch up to me. We were in the parking lot of an Olive Garden, not the red carpet at the valet of some fancy five-star restaurant. But I appreciated his gesture.

Ryan closed the door on his beater Mercury Sable, hitting it a second time to make sure the door was closed. And then he walked over and took my hand to escort me inside, feeling happy. Ryan was still living on a shoestring budget, his family not coming from wealth, and the cost of maintaining an apartment while at school stretched his bank account thin as well. But today he told me he had a surprise and he was splurging by taking me to a restaurant guaranteed to cost over $30 for the two of us.

Despite our reservation, we waited for about fifteen minutes before getting a table on this Friday night. And once seated, I politely asked for water so as not to pad the bill any higher. But Ryan went ahead and ordered two iced teas, knowing I liked the drink.

I arched an eyebrow at him questioningly, and once the waitress left, my boyfriend reached across the table and put his hand over mine, saying eagerly, "I can afford it. I got a job."

Now both my eyebrows went up. "Really? Where?"

"Cisco. They went through a few rounds of massive layoffs, but now they're hiring back to fill their holes and new grads are much cheaper. I start first of June."

"Ohmigod. Ryan! Congratulations!" I clapped excitedly, and Ryan couldn't possibly smile any bigger. "Which location?"

"Milpitas. They have these big, brand new buildings right off 880 that are like half- empty now. So I guess I'll have lots of elbow room."

"Milpitas ... Milpitas..." I said thoughtfully, mentally sorting out the geography. Maps were not my strong suit. Ben often complained about how I had absolutely NO clue about north versus south versus whatever. I grew up in the South Bay and I wasn't even entirely sure if Milpitas was East or West of me. But eventually I remembered. "Hey, that's not too far away from Fremont."

Ryan sat back and shrugged. "Uh no, it's not. They're neighboring cities."

I smiled warmly at him. "Didn't you say you really liked the school district in Fremont? And it's not too far from your parents' house, either."

Ryan's jaw dropped. He was surprised I was taking things in this direction. "Uh, well. No, it's not."

"And there's a BART station in Fremont, right? So I can get back up to Berkeley pretty easily."

Ryan leaned forward, covering my hand again. His expression was wary, full of concern. "Dawn, I told you I would never pressure you-"

"Okay. Let's do it. I'll go with you."

"What?" He looked absolutely SHOCKED. After the way I'd reacted the one and only time he'd ever proposed us moving away from Berkeley together, Ryan had carefully avoided any further talk of it, or any talk at all of a more permanent commitment between us.

My eyes sparkled as I looked across the table at my boyfriend. This was the right thing to do. This was commitment to our relationship. Ryan had never once let me down. He had always been there for me. He had always loved me. After everything he'd put into our relationship, didn't he deserve this kind of commitment from me? "I'll go with you, Ryan. Maybe it's too early for school districts. And honestly, I'm not sure if I'm ready to get married just yet. Heck, I don't know if Fremont is the best place to get an apartment. Maybe we'll end up in Milpitas if it's cheaper so you have a short commute and I'm just a hop away from the BART station. Either way, I think I'm ready to do this."

"Dawn, are you serious?" Ryan stared at me wide-eyed, still in disbelief.

I squeezed his hands and looked him squarely in the eye. "Ryan, I love you. Of course I'm serious."

BEN

APRIL 5, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

I felt something tickle my balls; and with a start, I jerked awake.

"Mmph!" she groaned. As my eyes opened up, I realized I'd just shoved my dick an inch into a girl's throat. She gagged slightly and then popped off to catch her breath. And then she brushed her dark auburn bangs back with one hand while flashing me a radiant smile.

"Morning, Ben!" Paige grinned happily and then bent back over to resume her excellent blowjob. She'd woken me up in this manner every single day for the past week — and I mean every single day — and she was getting really good at handling that reflexive thrust when I first came awake.

I'd tried to stop her the first few days. I told her that I didn't want to take advantage of her, that we shouldn't have this kind of relationship. We were friends, and I didn't have those romantic feelings for her, even though we both knew SHE did. And I felt like I would be leading her on if I accepted her sexual advances without any promises of developing love.

But Paige was very insistent that she do this for me. And in the end, it seemed to be a compromise that we could both handle. I flat out refused to have sex with her again, no matter how much she tried to seduce me. I wouldn't let her give me blowjobs at any other time. But in the mornings, while I was still asleep, she always managed to get my pants open and my morning wood into her mouth before I could object. And once she'd gotten me worked up enough to wake up, there was little I could do to stop her.

At least this one illicit act seemed to defuse the sexual tension between us for the rest of the day. I got my rocks off, making it far less tempting to give in to her seductions later on. She got to suck me off, which often made her so horny that she had to masturbate and plead with me to fuck her. But after we got out of the bedroom in the morning, she accepted what she'd gotten and for the past few days, hadn't bothered me any further. I just worried that one illicit act might become two ... and then three ... and then, well, you get the idea.

About five minutes later, the randy redhead got what she'd been waiting for as I groaned and poured out a river of semen into her belly. When she was done, she smacked her lips appreciatively and then patted my hip. "C'mon. Time to get ready for class."

I had to admit: I adored my new alarm clock.

Perhaps ten minutes later, we went into the main room to find Brandi already eating her breakfast. As usual, Dayna was spending the night with Kevin. My sister looked up at us with a little grin. "Good morning, you two."

"Morning!" Paige said perkily. She then kissed my cheek and unceremoniously pushed me down into my seat. Then with a little twirl, she headed into the kitchen to make us both breakfast. Over the past week I had tried telling her — twice — that I was perfectly capable of making my own breakfast. But she insisted on the domestic chore and I didn't have the heart to really argue with her.

The sounds of the range top and the overhead fan kicked in, muffling any other sounds. And once that background noise started up, Brandi leaned in with an impish smile and remarked, "Still claim she's not your girlfriend?"

"No, we're just friends," I stared at my hands, which were clasped together on top of the table. Why did that phrase feel like SUCH déjà vu?

"Okay Mr. 'Just Friends'. You have sex with her yet?

"Not since the first day," I replied firmly.

"Fine. And how many days since you got back from Spring Break has she NOT given you a morning blowjob?"

I frowned and averted my eyes.

"How many?" Brandi egged me on.

I mumbled "zero" so softly she actually couldn't hear me.

"I'm sorry, say again?"

I sighed. "What's your point?"

Brandi sat up straight and shrugged. "Not making a point. Just pointing out facts."

"It's complicated."

Brandi shrugged. "When is it NOT complicated with you? But for her sake, I think you'd better figure it out and fast. A pregnant girl is not someone you can just mess around with, Ben."

"I TOLD her I don't have romantic feelings for her."

"Yet you let her suck you off anyways."

"It's not like I'm initiating anything."

Brandi shook her head. "Doesn't matter. If this is real and developing into something else, that's one thing. If not, then you're just leading her on. Hasn't Dawn told you all this?"

I frowned. "Dawn and I haven't really talked much this past week. Something's bothering her in general, and I haven't wanted to add to her burden by talking about Paige."

"Really?" Brandi looked surprised. "Dawn's never looked happier to me. In fact, she was positively giddy on Saturday when she told us she and Ryan were moving out together."

My eyes flew open. "Wait, WHAT?" I barked in shock. "WHAT?"

I'd yelled loud enough that Paige came scurrying out of the kitchen. "What's wrong?"

Brandi gulped, her eyes wide. "You didn't know?"

"NO!!!"

Brandi blanched and glanced at both me and Paige. She then stared at me and put a hand over her mouth, looking mortified. "Ohmigod. Seriously? Dayna and I even asked her how you were taking the news. She just shrugged and said that you were handling it."

"Handling it? She never TOLD me! When did THIS happen?"

Brandi gulped and looked apologetic. "She said they talked about it Friday night. Ryan got a job at Cisco in Milpitas. They're planning to get an apartment nearby the BART station in Fremont."

My mind was racing. Okay, today was Monday and I hadn't seen Dawn since Friday after classes, so it wasn't like she'd deliberately hidden something this big when we were together. But still, she SHOULD have called me to tell me. Weren't we best friends?

WHAT THE FUCK?

"Why didn't you tell me?" I folded my arms across my chest as Dawn came out of her apartment.

She didn't have to ask what I was talking about. She already knew. And shaking her head, Dawn merely rolled her eyes and stepped past me, heading up the sidewalk without giving me an answer.

I hustled after her. "Dawn! Seriously."

"I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't understand," she tossed over her shoulder.

"Understand that you're moving away from Berkeley? Understand that you're moving away from all your friends? Understand that you're moving IN with your boyfriend who will have graduated and gotten a job far, far away from here? C'mon, Dawn! We've got the Undergraduate Program coming and we're going to be busier than ever! When are you going to have time to commute back and forth?"

"I'll make the time."

"And what do your other friends think about this? Gwen? Robin? Have you even TALKED to Adrienne?"

"Gwen and Robin understand. I haven't SEEN Adrienne all weekend, otherwise she certainly would have told you."

"And why didn't YOU tell me?"

"We've been over this. I knew you'd react like this."

"Damn fucking right I'm reacting like this! You made this decision FRIDAY! I had to freaking find out from Brandi, who was in shock that I didn't already know!"

Dawn leveled her gaze at me. "Boo, so you had to wait an extra couple of days? You mean like how I had to find out when you broke up with DJ?"

"That was different! We weren't WE back then. That whole breakup even led to us PROMISING we'd be more open with each other."

"Yeah, well, things change." Dawn shrugged and continued walking.

"What's changed? You're my best friend! We're supposed to SHARE, and I didn't even have a clue that you were even considering something this major!"

"Yeah, well maybe you can share with your new girlfriend."

"What?"

"Talk to Paige. Share with Paige."

"Paige ISN'T my girlfriend."

"Whatever." Dawn rolled her eyes and waved dismissively. "She's there for you 24/7, devoted and madly in love. Talk to her."

"But what about us?"

Dawn stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes rimming with red and obvious moisture forming over her irises. "I can't do this anymore," she choked out. "This isn't going to work out the way I thought it would and I just can't wait around for you anymore. I just can't."

My jaw dropped and then before I could even blink, Dawn hugged herself and practically ran away, racing up the sidewalks.

I didn't panic right away. I assumed I would meet up with Dawn at class and then we'd get things figured out.

But she didn't show.

I nervously sat through the first twenty minutes of class, wondering where she was and what was going through her mind. After that, I just couldn't keep still anymore and I slipped out of the room. Once outside, I looked everywhere, my head swiveling around rapidly as if she would somehow be standing within view of the classroom. And then I started making the attempts to contact her.

I started with repeated phone calls. Every single one ended up hitting her voicemail. I hit END and tried again the first two times. I left panicked messages the second two times. Then came texting. I told her I REALLY needed to talk to her. And then I hustled away to try and physically track her down.

Dawn wasn't at her apartment. Neither was Ryan. Or if they were there, they were hiding inside behind locked doors with all the lights off.

I called Gwen and Robin. Neither girl had heard from Dawn and asked me what the heck was going on. I didn't explain, just made them promise to call me if they saw or heard from her.

I was heading back onto campus to start randomly trying potential locations where I thought she might be when my phone rang. I saw the caller ID and with absolute relief, I picked up the line and said breathlessly, "Dawn?"

"Stop calling me, Ben. And stop calling my friends. I'm fine, okay?"

"Dawn, what's going on?"

"I just need time, okay? Can you give me some time?"

"Dawn, please. I just want to understand."

"That's your problem, Ben. For all our mystical connections and lifelong partnerships and everything else, you just don't understand."

"I'm trying."

"Look. I need to get this all sorted out in my own head. We're friends. We'll ALWAYS be friends. But I've made my choice; and I'm choosing Ryan. Goodbye."

I was still under a dark cloud when my bedroom door opened. I'm not exactly sure how long I'd been sitting in my desk chair, staring out the window; but it had to have been more than an hour.

My back was to the door when Paige brightly said, "Oh, hi, Ben! Wasn't expecting to see you here."

I didn't turn around or otherwise give her any indication that I'd heard her. Actually, I HADN'T heard her. I was too lost in my own thoughts. For all she knew, I was already dead with blood running out of my slit throat to stain my shirt. It was a morbid idea, but I was in a morbid mood.

'I'm choosing Ryan'. What the hell did THAT mean? Dawn had chosen Ryan a long, LONG time ago. She chose him when we were still in High School, right before the Prom where I hooked up with Adrienne. She'd told me she'd chosen him by fucking voicemail. And ever since then, she'd been HIS girlfriend. So what was the big deal with her "choosing" Ryan? That ship had sailed years ago.

But deep down, I knew it meant more than that. Deep down, I always believed Dawn and I would be together again someday. She'd told me at camp, almost two years ago: 'We're still young; and we've got time. Someday, I WILL marry you.'

Technically, Dawn and I were still teenagers. We were too young for lifelong commitments and I knew I still was swayed by my dick FAR too often to think I could be in a permanent relationship without fucking it up sooner than later. I knew I still had the urges to sow my wild oats and Dawn had her own experiences to find. But I always believed that when our worlds ended, Dawn and I would be together.

But time was running out now. In four days, I would turn 20, a teenager no longer. Would my young adult decision-making be any more mature? Would I become the kind of man that Dawn deserved?

It seemed that Dawn had decided the answer was "No". 'I'm choosing Ryan.' For whatever reasons, she'd decided that Ryan, not me, was the man who would make her the happiest; not just for now, but for all time. And I wasn't entirely sure what to think about that.

Scratch that. I knew exactly what I thought about that: FUCK! This fucking SUCKS!

Real mature, Ben.

I don't care. I'm losing her. I'm losing her.

You never HAD her.

I did. Once.

And you gave her up. You GAVE her to HIM. And he always said he'd never give her back to you.

Fucking bastard. I'll kill him.

It's not his fault. She's incredible and he knows what he's got. She's not perfect. No one is. But she's the most wonderful girl you've ever known, and you let her slip away. You could have taken her back at any time in the last two years if you really wanted. She offered herself to you at Robin's Swingers Party.

It wouldn't have been right.

Right, wrong, like it fucking matters. He's got her now. And you don't.

FUCK!

So what now? You've been abandoned. Your best friend abandoned you. She barely even talks to you anymore. You didn't just lose a potential girlfriend. You lost your best friend.

FUCK!

So what now?

"Ben???" Paige shook me hard enough to break my reverie. I blinked and stared at her, taking in her pretty face with big blue eyes and a concerned look. She was also kneeling on the floor in front of me, her V-necked top bulging outward by her growing breasts. Her hands were on my legs, and without thinking about it, I suddenly gripped the side of her face with my left hand and held it rigidly.

Paige gasped in surprise and a little fear, but I didn't squeeze her too tightly. She started to move her face away from my hand, not far enough to break free but just enough to relax the pressure of my fingers. And when I let her, she visibly relaxed and then pressed her cheek against my palm.

I am a sexual creature.

Still not really thinking about it, I moved my right hand to my zipper and started dragging it down. Paige's eyes went wide, but she got the hint quickly and moved her own hands to my jeans to unbutton them and then reach inside to pull out my turgid rod. Her hands were warm as she wrapped her dainty fingers around my shaft and elevated it through the open flap of my boxers. She stroked me gently but firmly, eyes locked onto the throbbing stalk of man-meat. And without question, she leaned forward and slurped me into her mouth.

This was what I wanted. I was angry and hurt and I wanted to FUCK. I wanted to blast off in Paige's sucking mouth then flip her over and ravage her tiny asshole, spanking her with wild abandon until I yanked back on her hair and flooded her rectum with hot cum, all while hearing her scream at me to sodomize her even harder.

I groaned and sagged a little deeper into the chair as the sensations of pleasure washed over me. They deadened my depressive thoughts, fogging my brain and then gradually eroding away my melancholy with wave after wave of blissful feeling. I felt Paige's hand tighten around my shaft, pumping up and down while her lips and tongue danced around my head. Instead of thinking about Dawn and all my myriad angsty thoughts about her, I absorbed Paige's still-developing blowjob technique and the way she was learning to pick up my non-verbal cues in order to bring me more and better pleasure. And as I did so, my anger at Dawn melted away to be replaced by a thoughtfulness about Paige and everything she was doing for me.

Here was a young girl who had a heap of troubles of her own. She'd been disowned by her parents. She still had no idea where she would be living two months from now. And of course, she was freaking pregnant. But rather than dwell on her problems or bitch about them to me, she'd been completely and totally focused on me. Her every action — all day and every day — was centered around making ME happy.

Paige cooked and cleaned for me. She organized my bedroom, but not in a control-freaky way. She hung around in the evenings to ask about my day when I wanted to talk; and she gave me space when I didn't. It had only been a week, but we'd learned more about each other in the past week than we had in the entire time we'd been dating before.

And we'd shared. More than just talking about our days, we shared with each other. I got to understand a little better what made Paige tick. I never understood her rigid devotion to certain Catholic rules (not the least of which was "no contraception"), especially given how she could be so WILD in other ways (like the drug use). When it came down to it, Paige was just one of those girls who had very strong convictions and a very strong faith; but she was naïve and clueless about so many things and so many consequences in the real world that she really just didn't understand what she was getting herself into half the time. And rather than be cautious and wary until she fully understood things better, she was the kind of girl who recklessly plunged ahead and trusted in her faith that she would emerge in one piece. 'God has a plan, ' she told me more than once.

At the same time, Paige had dug deeper into my psyche as well. I wasn't entirely sure that I knew what made me tick, but we talked about my relationships with the people around me and about how I seemed driven to make the people I cared about happy. She commented about how I often spread myself too thin, trying to figure out how to make others happy and yet not defining any real actionable goals for myself. And she definitely hit on what Dawn had called my White Knight complex. And she was still trying to work out exactly how I loved the different girls in my life, from Brandi to Adrienne to Dawn to herself, and how each of them enriched my life and made me happy in different ways.

For the past week, Paige had been true to her word. She'd loved me unconditionally, being supportive without asking anything of me except my willingness to let her be around. Other than complaining about not being able to sleep overnight with me, she hadn't complained when I'd been fucking Adrienne's and Cadence's brains out. And even last Thursday, when Adrienne had visited me again for a booty call, Paige had willingly stepped aside and not tried to join in with us, knowing that I didn't want us to cross that sexual boundary. Of course, she'd stuck around and jilled off while watching us, but I couldn't blame a horny girl in her second trimester.

And even now, without question, she'd let me bend her over my lap for a blowjob in the middle of the day.

Paige was special, unique. Yeah, at times she was nuttier than a peanut butter factory, but she clearly loved me and wanted to be with me. The word "devoted" came to mind. It was the word Dawn used most often to describe Ryan. And if HE was the one to make her happy, then maybe Paige was the right girl for me.

Looking down, I gently pried Paige off my dick, leaving the knob wet and glistening with saliva and pre-cum. Getting up from the desk chair, I wrapped my arms around her waist and easily lifted the petite girl into the air, carrying her over to my bed where I softly lay her on her back and then moved my hands to begin undressing her.

Over the years, Paige's wardrobe had moved away from Catholic schoolgirl uniforms into something a little bit more college-appropriate. But she still favored button-blouses and skirts, and with practiced ease, I opened up each button down her torso while she simply lay back, panting shallowly in obvious arousal. Her dark blue eyes were stormy as she stared right at my face. Her chest rose and fell with each rapid breath. And when I got to the bottom and pulled apart her shirt, she put her heels to the bed and lifted her hips to help me drag her skirt down her legs and off as well.

The panties were next. Paige had collected an array of skimpy thongs over the past year, no doubt to entice her variety of men during her wild period. They were already soaked through when I snaked them off her legs. And then she parted her thighs to the side and held her breath in eager anticipation as my face descended down to her crotch. Even though she'd been giving me morning blowjobs for the past week, I hadn't gone down on her since that first day after Spring Break, not wanting to get her any more sexually excited than she already was.

But she deserved this. After all the dedication Paige was showing me, didn't she deserve this?

"Ohhh ... Bennn..." Paige groaned as her fingers tightened in my hair. My tongue was working up and down her tightly closed labia, gently teasing them open like the petals of a rose. I held her thighs apart while dragging my tongue up and down her slit, tickling her perineum and working all the way up to her hooded clit.

Meanwhile, Paige had unhooked her own bra, pushing the cups up and above her swollen tits, now pushing a C-cup in her pregnancy. She palmed them, rubbed them, and pinched the nipples, all while groaning in rapturous pleasure.

"Oh my God..." she whimpered once I'd teased her open enough to penetrate my tongue inside. I'd never really given it much thought, but I had a pretty long tongue, long enough to touch my own nose. And Paige was certainly feeling it as I delved deeply into her and snaked back up to tease her now un-hooded clit.

I didn't just try to get her off as fast as possible. This wasn't about powerful orgasms. One thing I'd learned over the years, and perhaps most especially hammered home by DJ and Dawn, was that satisfying a girl wasn't always about frying their brain with a massive orgasm or giving them so much pleasure that their central nervous system went into shock. Quality, not intensity, of orgasms was often more important. And I wanted to make sure Paige got a high-quality orgasm that showed her just how much I appreciated her.

"Oh, Ben ... Oh, Ben..." Paige whimpered as I drove her up the proverbial wall. A finger had joined my ministrations as I reached inside her to lightly tap at her G- spot, a steady, pulsing pressure that had her squirming and wriggling so much that I had to clamp down with my left hand to keep her still. I switched from up and down stroking to shorter side-to-side motions, buzzing her clit like my tongue was a hummingbird's wings. And several minutes later, as I felt her body tensing in preparation for the explosion, I switched to the paint-shaker move that Brooke loved so much.

"Oh, God! Oh, God!" Paige cried. "Oh, FUCK!" she squealed as her hips bucked off the bed, driving her crotch against my jaw hard enough to push my head back. I caught her hips and then pinned them back onto the bed while I kept up my action on her happy spots, making the girl writhe and twist uncontrollably in spasmodic ecstasy.

After I felt her body crest over the peak of climax, I stopped stimulating her and settled for just tenderly kissing her loins and rubbing her soothingly. Paige was still in the throes of her climax, but I was giving her a soft landing instead of pushing her harder so that she might pass out. It was a happy medium between power and intimacy.

And when she was done, Paige slumped back against my sheets and glanced around her own swollen belly to give me a goofy grin. She was very well-satisfied with that orgasm, and raw love shone in her eyes as she reached down to me. "Come inside me, Ben. Please. Come and then cum inside me."

Eagerly, I ripped my shirt over my head and shoved my shorts and jeans down to my ankles. I moved up Paige's body, centering my rampant prick between her spread thighs. I wanted this. Paige wanted this. And after finding out that Dawn had chosen Ryan over me, it would feel really, really good.

But just "feeling good" wasn't a good reason to do this. This wasn't descending into robot-mode, then taking and forcefully fucking Gwen. First of all, I wasn't in robot-mode. I had full control of my thoughts and actions. Second of all, this wasn't Gwen, a hot and horny girl who only ever wanted casual sex with me.

This was Paige. And this MEANT something to her. There was a note of happiness and hope in her voice that cut straight to my heart. She loved me, and once we made love again, everything between us would change. Yeah, we'd fucked a week ago. But we both knew that had been cathartic fucking: anguish for me over losing Cadence; comfort for Paige after being dumped by her parents. Since then, we hadn't crossed this line, and I knew that if we did this time, it would mean something to the BOTH of us. I would be accepting Paige as my lover, my girlfriend really. And she would finally have me back.

But I didn't think that way of Paige. Not yet, and maybe not ever. I loved her. I had concerns for her. But I just didn't have THOSE kinds of feelings for her, no matter how much she tried. I was Paige's White Knight. I was her protector, her big brother. I just couldn't see her as a partner, my equal, as someone who would challenge ME the same way that Dawn and Adrienne had.

And more to the point, I was still an emotional wreck over Dawn. I had been sitting by myself in my darkened bedroom for hours, contemplating the missed opportunities and the mistakes I'd made that ultimately led to Dawn choosing a future with Ryan over a future with me. My head wasn't in the right place to do something like this with Paige, and she deserved better.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I can't do this."

"Ben, please," Paige whimpered. She hunched her crotch forward, touching her pussy lips to the head of my cock. And her hands were on my arms, tugging me downward while staring up at me with big eyes. "I want this."

"Paige, I can't do this," I repeated. Then I turned my face away and rolled off to the side. Pulling my shorts and jeans up to my waist, I sat on the edge of the bed, my heels perched on the bed frame. And I held my head in my hands.

The little redhead was quickly beside me, cinching her blouse over her chest with one hand and rubbing my naked back with the other. "You okay?"

"No. I'm not." I shuddered, fighting back the urge to cry.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown myself at you like that. I KNEW you were hurting about something when I walked in. But then you held my head and unzipped and one thing led to another and-"

"I'm sorry," I interrupted. "It wasn't your fault. I'm the bad guy here."

"You can never be the bad guy, Ben. Not to me." Paige shook her head. Then she leaned in and rubbed my shoulder. "What happened today?"

I sighed. "It's Dawn."

Then Paige did something I never would have expected out of her. "Oh, okay," she said firmly, buttoning her blouse back up. "Tell me about it, and we'll figure out what to do."

DAWN

Sooo close. I had been sooo close to opening the door for him. I already pictured what would happen in my mind's eye. I'd fling the door open and Ben would rush into my arms. He'd declare that he was mine forever and we'd take each other right there on the floor, with the door wide open. We'd be careless for whoever might see us because we were soulmates. We'd announce to the world that we belonged together.

But I didn't. I just stayed next to the couch, right where I'd dropped to the floor as soon as I'd realized Ben was banging on the door. With the lights off and the windows shut, he wouldn't have any idea I was actually in here. And just when I was about to lose my nerve and go open it, he finally gave up and went away.

The calls from Gwen and Robin started shortly after that. Robin had even left class to figure out what the hell was wrong, as Ben sounded absolutely panicked. "He thinks you're facedown in a ditch somewhere!" she'd told me.

I'd assured Robin I was fine and promised I'd call him back. Then after another few minutes to work up my courage, I did call Ben back and told him to stop calling me. I told him I was choosing Ryan. Then I hung up.

Still on the floor, leaning sideways against the base of the couch, I dropped my chin down onto my upraised knees. I hugged my legs and closed my eyes. And then the floodgates opened and rivers of tears streamed down my cheeks.

I dried out after an hour or so ... I think. My tear ducts simply didn't have any more moisture to give. I was too tired to keep crying anyways. And straggling to my feet, I managed to totter into the bedroom and flop myself onto the bed. Exhausted, I desperately hoped for sleep and unconsciousness to take me and quiet the frantic spinning of my head.

But sleep didn't come. I lay there, drooling a bit, staring at nothing while I felt the crushing weight of my decision. It was over. I'd lost a dream.

According to our parents, Ben and I first promised each other we'd get married and have a big family when we were four years old. I don't actually remember it, but I believe them.

We had a mock wedding when we were seven, officiated by 9-year-old Dayna. My ring came out of a Cracker Jack box and Ben wore a red clip-on bowtie with yellow polka dots over his T-shirt.

We first mimed having sex, fully-clothed, when we were eight, after watching the Discovery Channel show a pride of lions. Mom found Ben lying on top of my back while I was kneeling on the floor and curled into a ball. She asked what we were doing and had a cow when we replied, "Mating."

Technically, Ben first proposed to me when we were ten, just before his family moved to Orange County. He got down on one knee with a $15 ring he'd gotten from a mall kiosk and went through the whole nine yards. Since I'd said "yes", one could say I'd been his fiancée for this entire time. I lost that ring when I was twelve and cried for almost an entire day when I couldn't find it.

And when we were sixteen, after I gave my virginity to him (and Dayna and Brandi had WATCHED us), I started planning my dream wedding. If I had my way, we'd return to camp and put a white lattice archway in our special clearing. We'd have to hike out and I wouldn't be able to have a fancy dress, but I didn't care. I'd marry him in tennis shoes and a white cocktail outfit if I needed to. With just our two families around us, Ben and I would say our vows. And our love would last for all eternity.

But it wasn't going to happen anymore. The Ben I loved at four, seven, eight, ten, and even sixteen was a different Ben at nearly twenty. I was a different Dawn. And it was time to grow up from my childish fantasies.

I'd spent my entire life believing that Ben and I would end up together when the dust settled. But now that belief was gone. I felt like a part of my soul had been ripped away from me, leaving a big gaping wound in the middle of my heart.

So even though I had no more tears to give, I shuddered and kept on trying to cry.

Ryan found me that afternoon, sitting up on the bed with my knees pulled to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. "Dawn, babe? What's wrong?"

What could I tell him? That I was still in love with my ex-boyfriend, but had realized he wasn't the man I wanted him to be? That my heart was breaking because I was mourning the future that wouldn't come true? Yeah, right. The last thing I could ever tell Ryan was how much I desperately wished Ben could have been the man for me.

So summoning my strength, I merely pushed myself up and started wiping my eyes. "I'm okay. Just had a rough day, that's all."

"You sure?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." I nodded.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me about it you know," my loving boyfriend said warmly.

"I know, I know," I assured him. At least I had no tears, so Ryan wasn't too anxious. "I think it's just hormones. I'm having a massive flow day," I told him. "Think I need to change my pad."

"Oh, uh, right," Ryan stammered, averting his eyes. He was funny like that. Anytime I mentioned something remotely related to my period, he pretended like he didn't even hear it. Ryan could be such a ... male ... sometimes.

I stood up and started heading to the bathroom. Then I called over my shoulder. "What do you want for dinner? I was thinking of spaghetti."

He nodded and turned to the desk, already hunched over to pull his books and binders out from his backpack so that he could get started on his homework. Even though he'd lined up a job, he still had to make sure he passed his final classes. "Sounds good, babe."

BEN

Once I calmed down enough to tell Paige the story, my little redhead showed remarkable poise and maturity given that the man she was in love with was clearly hung up on his best friend. Without biasing her advice to make me more susceptible to herself, Paige helped me outline two possible courses of action.

One, I could accept that Ryan made Dawn happy. I could support their relationship and be the very best friend to her that I could be. Doing so could mean I would have lost Dawn forever. But she would be happy, and wasn't that the most important thing to me? If I truly loved her, I would value her happiness over my being with her.

Or two, I would have to make the decision that only I could make Dawn truly happy, and she the only one who could make ME truly happy. I would have to believe, with utter and complete conviction, that Dawn and I were meant to be together and SHOULD be together. If that meant destroying her relationship with Ryan, so be it. Dawn and I had reached a critical point, where I either stepped up and did whatever it took to get her back, or I let her go.

Then Adrienne returned from classes and we told her about Dawn's decision to move with Ryan to Fremont. Surprisingly, the blonde bombshell got pissed, and all of a sudden Paige and I had to calm her down. "What the fuck is she thinking?" became a common phrase out of Adrienne's mouth.

But once we got her calmed down, she seemed to confirm Paige's diagnosis and agreed that I only had two serious options. But she seemed to be pushing option two: Win Dawn Back. I got the distinct impression that Adrienne was trying to tell me that Dawn still loved me and still had very, very strong feelings for me without actually saying it. I wasn't sure if the two girls had talked about me that night they spent together or if these were just Adrienne's impressions. Either way, Adrienne was convinced that Dawn and I still belonged together.

But then Brandi arrived and took the alternate position. She told me that we're all different people as teenagers from the way we are as adults. They way we see the world changes every year, and real life isn't a fairy tale. I thought that perhaps my big sister was being cynical, still hurting from her own failed relationship. And I thought she was talking about herself sometimes, describing how SHE had to move on from her playful but dangerous incestuous relationship with me, and how she'd had to grow up from her youthful fantasies. But I couldn't disagree with her logic. The simple fact was that for the entire time Dawn and I had been together as adults, she'd been with Ryan and I'd been with others. Our fantasies of being together had only ever been rooted at camp or in our childhoods.

I also would have expected Paige to encourage me toward option one. After all, having me accept Dawn being with Ryan would leave me single and available. Wasn't that in Paige's best interests, given her clearly stated desire for us to be together? But it seemed Paige was taking her own advice to heart: she valued my happiness over my being with her.

I didn't make a final decision with the girls. My mind had been like the ocean in the middle of a hurricane, roiling and thrashing and never, ever quite still. I was getting three slightly differing opinions, not to mention my own, pushing and pulling me in different directions. And I knew that whatever decision I made would impact far more than just my relationship with Dawn. I wanted her and I believed a part of her still wanted me. But Ryan wanted her and Paige wanted me. I knew Dawn wanted Ryan and a part of me wanted Paige. But all these interests couldn't be satisfied at the same time, and the conflicts between them and the potential consequences of my decision were giving me a massive headache.

In the end, I just had to ask everyone to leave me alone to think by myself. The girls gave me my space, and Paige didn't even come to spend the night with me. I continued pondering what to do.

One way or another, I'd see Dawn in the morning, and by then I'd have to choose.

APRIL 6, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

I stood up awkwardly as Dawn came out of the apartment. They were on the second floor and I had been sitting on the steps for a half-hour, just to ensure that I didn't miss her should she try to sneak out early. I didn't think she would, though if she had, it certainly would have told me something.

Taking a deep breath, Dawn looked down at me and then descended the stairs. I stood back to give her room, though I stared at her with a mixed expression of worry and longing on my face. I'm sure there was a fair bit of exhaustion in there, too. I hadn't slept much at all.

Dawn took one look at my face and tensed up. But then she exhaled and without a word, turned and gave me a big hug.

Surprised, it took me a second to wrap my arms around her and pat her back. And then sniffling to hold back any tears, Dawn stood straight up and tilted her head up the sidewalk. "Let's go."

She didn't take my hand.

I fell into step alongside her. We were silent for a few seconds before she glanced over and asked, "How are you doing?"

I blinked. How was I doing? I replied, "You tell me."

She managed a weak smile and then sighed. "You're going to be fine, Ben. You're my friend. You'll always be my friend."

I sensed a quiet finality in her voice. "Just friends?" I asked hesitantly.

She took another deep breath before nodding. "Just friends. As friends, we can be eternal." Her tone made it sound like a prison life sentence. "It's the way YOU wanted it."

"What if I want more?" I asked weakly, already knowing the answer.

Dawn shook her head. "It's not only up to you. I'm not just a comfortable sweater you can pull out of the closet whenever you feel like it. I have to live my own life. I have to go my own way. That's just the way it's going to be."

I sighed and hung my head. Why is it that we always want the one thing we can't have? It wasn't like the situation had really changed; Dawn had been with Ryan for years. But in the back of my head, I'd always believed that their relationship would run its course and then we would be back to her and me, the way we'd dreamed since we were little kids. And now that Dawn was telling me she didn't share that vision of the future anymore, I found that I desperately didn't want to lose her.

Strange, right? I didn't even HAVE her for the past couple of years ... Or did I?

I realized that whether I "had" her or not, the opportunities had been there. All this time, if I'd really wanted to be with Dawn, I could have made it happen.

But I didn't. I'd dated her sister. I'd boinked my Tri-Delts. And even after all the intensity of that Swingers Party and Dawn and I coming sooo close to re- crossing the line between friendship and something more, I'd stepped back and let the sparks between us die out over Winter Break. And then I'd pursued Cadence upon our return to campus.

And even after Cadence broke up with me, who did I turn to? Paige. I'd seen something in Dawn's eyes the morning after, a hurt that belied her supposed concern for Bert and Robin's breakup. But I hadn't pursued her. I'd let Paige pull me into my bedroom and fuck my brains out.

I'd believed that I had all the time in the world to come back to Dawn, as if she would wait for me forever. The chances had been there for me to commit to Dawn, to show her that she was important to me, more than just as a best friend. But I hadn't taken them. Just like in High School, I'd let myself be swayed by my dick far too often.

I didn't deserve her.

Dawn deserved better than me. She deserved a better man, and whether I liked it or not, Ryan was that guy.

Dawn said it best: he was devoted to her. He was loyal. He was loving. He wasn't the cheating type. And most importantly, he committed. She deserved that. She deserved to be happy. And because I truly loved her, I would value her happiness over her being with me.

Option One it was.

"Okay, Dawn." I put on a smile and reached my hand out to her. She was hesitant, but eventually stretched her hand out and let me slip my fingers through hers. "Okay. I'll always be your friend. And I'm happy for you."

"Really?" she blinked.

"Really." I nodded and then exhaled slowly. "He's a better man than me. And you deserve him."

Dawn didn't reply verbally, she just pinched her lips for a moment and then nodded in agreement. And then she squeezed my hand and looked forward.

We walked the rest of the way to class in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

But at least she held my hand.

Paige and Adrienne were already at Dawn's and Ryan's apartment when we got back that evening. One look and they knew I'd chosen Option One. Adrienne actually looked a little angry about it. Paige, oddly enough, just seemed sad. I would have thought she might be happy that I was still free. But then maybe she understood that I wasn't really happy and because of it, I wasn't really as free as one might think.

It took almost all of my energy to keep up a positive front. I truly wanted Dawn to be happy and she wouldn't be able to do that if she knew how badly this was hurting me. I reminded myself that it was my own damned fault I hadn't gotten off my ass and taken control of my life, MADE something happen, the way Brooke and seemingly everyone else had warned me. Dawn deserved better than me, and she deserved to move on with someone who would treat her right.

Still, when Adrienne, Paige, and I finally went back to the house. I was dead tired and exhausted. Ignoring the girls' attempts to console me, I simply went into my bedroom and locked the door. And I didn't plan to come back out until I really, really HAD to..

92 Conflicts of Interest ll

DAWN

APRIL 7, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"Dawn, what the hell are you doing?" The voice was viciously cutting in its accusation.

It was Wednesday, a day when Ben and I had differing morning schedules before meeting up for lunch and then Macroecon in the afternoon. I usually met up with Gwen, but on this day Adrienne intercepted me along the way. I pursed my lips and glanced over at the statuesque blonde. "What do you mean?" I asked back innocently.

"You know damn well what I mean," Adrienne snapped. "Moving in with Ryan? Weren't you about to break up with him a week and a half ago?"

"I never said that," I bit back sharply. "I just said that I was confused. I wanted to talk things over."

"You wanted to tell Ben how much you loved him," Adrienne pointed out. "And you wanted to see if you could get back together. That meant you were considering breaking up with Ryan."

"A momentary thought," I said dismissively. "My head wasn't straight back then and I was never ready to break up with Ryan. I just wanted to know how Ben felt about me and if he ever thought about us getting back together. I had to know that sort of thing before committing to Ryan, you know?"

"You trying to convince me? Or convince yourself?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm happy with Ryan and I want to see where this relationship can go."

"Then be his girlfriend! Chat on the phone and take the BART and visit on weekends! You don't have to move in with the guy to an apartment in a strange city an hour's drive away from Berkeley and all your friends!"

"It's not quite an hour's drive," I said defensively.

Adrienne rolled her eyes. "Don't you think you're overreacting a bit to Ben sleeping with Paige?"

"What? This has nothing to do with that."

"Nothing to do with that, huh?" Adrienne leveled her gaze at me. "You forget, I was in bed with you that morning. One minute, you're all excited about going out to tell Ben how much you love him. The next, Paige waltzes out well-fucked and all of a sudden you don't love him anymore? Come on, you KNOW he doesn't feel that way about her. And if it means anything to you, they haven't had sex since. It was a one-time thing for Ben to clear Cadence out of his system. He does that."

"Yeah, he does that," I nodded. "Ryan doesn't."

Adrienne frowned, staring at me coldly. "So that's it, huh? After all these years, knowing exactly who Ben was and the way he was, NOW you're going to judge him for sleeping around?"

"This has nothing to do with Ben!" I said insistently. "This is about ME and Ryan. I love him and he loves me and he's graduating and moving away, okay? I want to stick with my boyfriend. Is anything wrong with that?"

"You're overreacting," Adrienne scowled. "You were vulnerable. You were all ready to put your heart out on the line and ask Ben if you could be together again, if you could rediscover that something special that made you two soulmates. But Paige showed up with her problems and Ben fucked her. You were hurt and you felt betrayed a little bit and you overreacted by promising a boyfriend you weren't even totally sure you wanted to be with that you would MOVE with him."

"I'm moving because I want to BE with my boyfriend," I insisted.

Adrienne shook her head and glared at me. "How can you do this to Ben?"

"Do WHAT to Ben? He's taking it fine." I shrugged. "He and I have both accepted that this is what's best for the both of us. We're good friends. We'll always be friends."

Adrienne shook her head. "Doesn't work like that. The two of you are either intimately close or nothing at all. Maybe you weren't fucking, but for the last year, no one was closer to him, not even me. Looks like you chose 'nothing at all', and ever since this declaration that you're committing to Ryan and moving away, Ben's turned into a zombie. He barely talks to us. He spends all his time in his room in the dark. He puts up a good front when he's around you because he's convincing himself that he wants you to be happy, even if it's not with him. But he's really fucked up right now. You BROKE him."

"He'll be fine."

"Not if you continue keeping him out of your life," Adrienne snapped.

"I'm not keeping him out of my life," I said defensively.

"I SEE you two together. You used to be best friends. Best friends. But right now you two act more like a romantic couple that just broke up and agreed to 'remain friends'. Yeah, you're still around each other, but anyone can see that things are different. You don't talk anymore. You don't share anymore. You're not letting him in the way you did just weeks ago, and it's hurting him like hell."

"We talk all the time. We still have almost every single class together."

Adrienne shook her head. "You two may be holding hands on the way to class; but you look further apart than when he was back home in Orange County."

I sighed and leaned back, stretching my neck and spine before standing up straight again. "What do you want from me?"

Adrienne took a deep breath and then splayed her hands out placatingly. And then she offered, "Just tell him, to his face, how you really feel about him. You two walk around campus together just like you used to, but I'll bet you haven't sat down and had a meaningful conversation since before Spring Break. Tell him what you told me. Tell him what he means to you. And tell him what your hopes for him were, even if you've now chosen otherwise."

I screwed up my face. "I can't tell him that."

"Why not?"

I clenched my jaw, looked away, and then barked, "Because it would kill him! You say Ben's broken now. How much worse would it be if I told him now that I was willing to throw Ryan away for him, huh? How much worse would he feel if he knew how close he was to having me back, but 'oops, you missed your opportunity'. Huh?"

"So it IS the truth." Adrienne leveled her gaze at me. "You were all ready to break up with Ryan to get Ben back. What does THAT say about the stability of your relationship with Ryan? Huh?"

I grimaced and pinched my temples. "Wait, that came out wrong. I-"

"Nuh-uh," Adrienne interrupted me and took a step forward, moving herself right up into my personal space. "Think about this, Dawn. Think about this long and hard. Because if you do this, if you go with Ryan, you're going to lose Ben as a best friend. He loves you. He already feels like he missed his opportunity to be with you. And It's KILLING him inside. The truth is: you wanted to break up with Ryan and be with Ben. The truth is, you CAN'T have your cake and eat it too. You can't be with Ryan and still have Ben as your best friend forever. First, Ryan wouldn't stand for it in the long run because he will never be totally comfortable around Ben. And second, Ben won't be able to stay near you, knowing what he lost."

My jaw quivered and I stared back into Adrienne's eyes. Normally a hazel color, they now burned with a golden intensity. "That's not fair," I whimpered.

"No, it's not," she nodded. "But it's the truth. It's the way it is."

Then Adrienne turned and walked away.

That evening, when we all met up at my apartment to study and hang out, I felt like Adrienne was staring me down for over an hour. Her eyes were accusing, criticizing me for not saying something. But how could I?

Gwen even noticed and said something, but Adrienne tossed off a joking comment about being lost in thought and not realizing where her eyes were pointed.

"Hey, babe. You okay?" Ryan touched my arm. "You don't look so good."

"'Very well'," I mumbled.

"Huh?"

I sighed. "Never mind. I'm fine. Really, I'm fine."

My boyfriend shook his head and gave me a little smirk. "Glad I'm not a girl. Those monthly hormones can be a bitch."

I smiled and nodded. "Right, right."

APRIL 8, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"Are you going to talk to him?" Adrienne said quietly, but firmly, when she caught me as I was coming out of my own bathroom.

I blanched and looked at her. "I told you, I can't. What would I say?"

"I told you: tell him the truth. What does it mean when you can't tell him the truth? Huh?" Her eyes narrowed.

"Adrienne, please," I whimpered and looked to the living room. Our friends weren't that far away. "As my friend, don't do this to me."

"I'm your friend. But I'm on HIS side. And he's still broken." Her eyes were that intense gold again. "You know he hasn't left the house except for the classes he shares with you, just so you won't know how much this is hurting him? He's skipped any other classwork. He won't play ball or play videogames or anything. He won't even have sex. Believe me, I've tried. So has Paige. He just sits in his room and locks us out, cursing himself for how he fucked up his one true chance to be happy forever."

"Adrienne, I just can't talk to him right now. Okay?"

She sighed, then looked down, and her expression softened. "Okay. Look, I know this is tough on you too. You're trying to redefine your relationship with Ben and that takes time. I wouldn't be putting this much pressure on you if I didn't think he was this bad."

"I'm sorry." I bit my lip, and then touched her arm. "He's lucky he has you."

Adrienne sighed and nodded. "Okay, I'm assuming you're not going to talk to him anytime soon."

"I just can't. I'm not ready." I glanced into the living room again and saw Ryan looking over at us, concern on his face. I turned a little further to see Ben, who was just staring straight down into his textbook.

"Fine. Are you at least coming to his birthday tomorrow?"

I blinked and nodded. "Of course."

"Okay," Adrienne nodded. "Just ... don't get mad at me. We both know how Ben works and I'm going to have to do something a little drastic to pick up his spirits."

"What?"

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

BEN

APRIL 9, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"C'mon, Ben. You've gotta come out," Adrienne called through the door. "How do you expect me to throw a surprise party for you when you're IN your room?"

"Come out, Ben. Please?" Paige's called plaintively immediately after.

I sighed and then got up, perching my heels on the bed frame while rubbing my face. And then I finally stepped off and went to open the door. "How much of a surprise party can it be when you TELL me it's a surprise party?"

My gorgeous adoptive sister smirked at me and walked into the room, immediately glancing up and down at me before heading off to my closet. "That's part of the surprise," she mused. Then she quickly started shuttling aside my hangars until she stopped at a short-sleeved polo shirt that she'd picked out for me last year. It was well-fitted, showing off the definition of my pecs and arms without appearing too tight. And pulling it off the hangar, she tossed it at me and said, "This one. And these jeans."

I simply sighed and pulled off my shirt and then yanked the jeans I was wearing down to my ankles. I didn't see a problem with what I was wearing, but I really didn't give a shit anymore. I hadn't given a shit about a lot of things lately.

Paige had followed Adrienne in and was eyeballing my package while I got redressed. I ignored her, and a minute later, Adrienne pulled me into the bathroom to muss up my hair and spritz me with Hugo Boss, a cologne she'd also picked out for me last year.

After that, I pretty much just stood around, waiting for instruction. I wasn't feeling depressed anymore. Too much time had passed for me to be morose 24/7 any longer. Right now I was pretty much resigned, lethargic ... just waiting as time passed me by. Maybe something would eventually kick me in the ass and change my existence. Maybe not. I really didn't care.

Right now, Adrienne was kicking me in the ass. Well, she was grabbing my ass and prodding me forward and out the front door. I arched an eyebrow at her. "We're not having the party at the house?"

"Nope." Adrienne shook her head. That didn't make sense. Birthdays were usually just slightly more elaborate versions of hanging out in somebody's living room, adding in a cake and some presents and sometimes a prank or two. Bert's last birthday party had been at our house, and the girls had ganged up to throw him fully-clothed into our shower. He didn't seem to mind too much, what with having six hot babes groping him along the way.

The food was the same as making dinner for a bunch of people. Most of the time we college students didn't want to overspend on going out to a restaurant, even though some of us didn't really have to worry about finances. And everything was just more comfortable in our big living room than at any possible outside location.

But again, I didn't really care that much. Having asked my question and received an answer, I just shrugged and decided to go with it. Dayna's Impala was already gone, and Brandi was nowhere to be found as Adrienne loaded me and Paige into the Mustang and then pulled out of the driveway.

After a few side streets, Adrienne got to Shattuck and started us toward the 24 (excuse me, just "24"). And after that I just sort of zoned out the window.

Would Dawn be there? Of course she would. She was still trying to pretend that everything was peachy keen. She wanted to believe that nothing had changed between us, even though she knew I wasn't really happy about her moving out with Ryan. And she knew that I knew that she knew that I wasn't really happy, but we both were keeping up the charade for now. We were both too paralyzed to do anything else. After all, neither of us wanted to consider the alternative: not being friends anymore.

If I couldn't be truly happy for her at some point, our friendship would fall apart, the same way it was already falling apart. So I knew that I had to make myself truly happy for her, and I was trying; but I couldn't forget how much I'd sabotaged my own chances to really be with her. Still, I kept trying to be okay with it. And Dawn kept pretending to be comfortable around me, both of us praying that things would work themselves out. We both knew we had to take action to change the way we felt about each other. But we both also knew that feelings just don't work like that.

Sometimes I wondered if I should just give it up and walk away. If I could get some space between me and Dawn, if I didn't SEE her every day, then maybe I could get used to the fact that she wasn't mine anymore ... and that she never would be. She was choosing Ryan. And I'd have to live with that.

Maybe it would be easier if I turned down the pending internship I had this summer. Maybe it would be better if I just went back home to Orange County, then on to summer camp with my family. I could clear my head. I could make a fresh start. I could spend some time away from Dawn, which I needed because it hurt so much to be near her.

"Shit, I forgot my purse," Adrienne cursed as she pulled into a left turn lane and screeched to a halt. "Everything's in my purse."

"We're going to be late," Paige pointed out from the back seat.

"Not that late. And Ben's the birthday boy. I think they can wait for him," Adrienne pointed out. A minute later, we pulled a U-turn and started back for the house.

I sighed and stared out the window again. I didn't really care. Late, not late, what did it matter?

Ten minutes after we'd left, we pulled into the driveway. Adrienne was quickly out the door and then closed it as well. Then Paige was suddenly bumping my seat behind me. "Hey, get out," she yipped plaintively.

"Why? Adrienne just needs to get her purse."

"Well, since we're here, I want to get something," she insisted, and then bumped my seat again like a petulant child.

"Fine, fine." I unbuckled and opened the passenger door. I stepped out and flipped the seat forward so Paige could crawl out from the back seat. And then she simply grabbed my hand and tugged me on her way to the front door.

"Huh?" I asked, not understanding why Paige was taking me with her. But I didn't have the interest in resisting so I let her drag me up to the front porch and then in the front door.

A second later, the lights flipped on and everyone yelled, "SURPRISE!"

I blinked against the sudden light, flashes in front of my eyes. And then to my astonishment, I saw table decorations, streamers and balloons in the air, and a sign saying, "Happy Birthday Old Man" on the far wall. Then of course, there were the dozen people who hadn't been in my house ten minutes earlier. The usual crew was assembled: Dawn, Ryan, Gwen, Robin, Bert, Brandi, and Dayna. And even a few of my favorite Senior girls were present: Monique, Kerri, and Julie, along with Kevin Weiss and Lloyd, Julie's boyfriend.

Adrienne stepped in beside me. "See, I told you I couldn't throw you a surprise party with you IN the house."

I had to admit, the surprise had done a great job of kicking me in the ass, metaphorically. It was as if I forgot I was supposed to be morose and depressed as I smiled and let myself be greeted by my friends. And since most of the hot girls' methods of greeting me were with firm hugs and sweet kisses on the cheeks, I found my mood being buoyed even higher.

And even those few moments where my melancholy DID try to come back, I would look at Dawn and remember I was supposed to be convincing her that I was perfectly happy about her moving on in her life with Ryan. I would look at Adrienne and think of everything she was trying to do for me. And not wanting to let either of them down, I concentrated on talking to whoever I was talking to. Private Ben still wanted to go into his room and stare at the wall; but Public Ben knew he had to put on a good show.

Still, even if I was putting on a good show, Dawn was doing a terrible job. It didn't take some mystical connection for me to see that she wasn't happy. Her most natural facial expression was a frown and she clearly had to concentrate to smile and giggle and do all those flirty little things beautiful girls do. I wanted to comfort her, tell her a joke, do anything to make her happy again. But that was Ryan's job now. Besides, what could I say? What could I tell her that would make everything better?

As it turned out, after a couple of hours, Dawn and Ryan were the first to leave. She made up some excuse, both of us knowing it was bullshit. I was actually a little surprised at their departure; I'd figured Dawn would have put up a better front, given that it was my birthday party and all. But clearly she was uncomfortable, and with a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, she fled out the door with Ryan in tow.

My heart went with her and so did my primary motivation for Public Ben to put on a good show. I started drinking a little more and quickly got quite buzzed. I'm normally a pretty happy, energetic drunk; but this night I started becoming just a little bit of a bitter drunk. And as my mood fell, the party's mood started to fall as well. My Sophomore crew was already quite familiar with the awkward tension over the Ben/Dawn issue. But at least the Senior girls, not knowing what was going on, kept up the party attitude for a little while.

Things started winding down after that. Gwen and Robin seemed concerned for Dawn, and with apologies, they hugged me goodbye and then left. With the people he knew best gone, Bert then wished me a happy birthday and excused himself.

A few minutes later, the Seniors then got together to say goodbye. The innuendoes in Monique's and Kerri's voices implied that they wouldn't mind giving me a more personal birthday present, but both girls glanced at Adrienne and left without actually propositioning me or anything. Dayna, Kevin, Julie, and Lloyd then said their goodbyes, and Brandi went along with them.

That just left me alone with Adrienne and Paige once again. Slightly tipsy, but not so drunk that my motor skills were impaired, I thanked the girls for doing this for me and then made to go back to my bedroom and pass out.

But Paige caught my arm and asked with a little giggle, "And where do you think you're going?"

"Huh?"

Adrienne soon latched onto my other arm. "Birthday's not over yet."

Of course, my mind instantly went to sex. I figured Paige and Adrienne were fixing to give me the "personal" birthday present that Monique and Kerri had not quite offered. Perhaps the two Seniors had specifically not offered because of some non-verbal cue from Adrienne to back off.

But at the moment, the last thing I wanted to do was have sex with Paige and Adrienne. Paige was still for the obvious reasons. I loved her, but not in that way; and I didn't want to complicate our relationship by re-crossing the sex boundary. Taking Brandi's advice to heart, I hadn't even let her give me morning blowjobs since finding out Dawn was moving in with Ryan.

And with Adrienne, I was just feeling WAY too vulnerable. She'd offered me no- strings-attached sex a few times during the past week, complaining that SHE was horny and I wasn't there for her. But I knew it would be very easy to rebound and re-latch onto Adrienne as a romantic love interest. And I was afraid that if I slept with her right now, I'd fall in love with her again and really fuck up the balance of the adoptive sibling relationship we'd both worked hard to achieve.

So even though I was a little drunk and more than a little bit horny, I started to say, "Girls, I appreciate the sentiment on my birthday and all, but I don't think it's a good idea for-"

"It's not what you think, Tiger." Adrienne squeezed my hand. Contrary to her words, however, she continued leading me to her bedroom.

"Well, not exactly what you think," Adrienne clarified. "We get why you've been keeping out of our panties. Casual sex just wouldn't really be 'casual' in your current state."

"Not with us at least," Paige pointed out, with more than a hint of innuendo in her voice. And she smirked impishly.

"Not with you?" I arched an eyebrow, glancing at the two girls.

"Happy Birthday, Tiger." Adrienne just grinned and opened her bedroom door. The two girls shoved me through it, sending me stumbling into the room. And then before I could react, I heard the door slam shut again behind me.

Tipsy enough to be ... well... tipsy, it took me a second to regain my balance and look up. And then my eyes popped open and uncontrollably I muttered, "Holy shit!"

My eyes first locked onto a nice ass. The two hemispheres, bisected by the wafer-thin black strap of a thong, were almost too small. But there was just enough roundness and size to make it juicy and enticing. And the buttcheeks were a wonderful creamy white absent of any blemishes or stretch marks. Following upwards from that nice ass was a completely naked back, nothing but bare skin and the light definition of a spine and shoulder blades. There was no bra strap, and her jet black hair with blue streaks was pulled to the other side of her shoulder to make abundantly clear that there wasn't even a halter top hiding at the back of her neck. So even though I couldn't see her chest, I knew her tits were bare and the mere thought of them had me unconsciously salivating.

The instant I saw the blue streaks in her hair I knew exactly who she was. And if she was here, then of course SHE would be here as well. The second girl was facing me, wearing both lingerie top and bottoms unlike the first girl. The dark-haired second girl was not quite as skinny, with slightly bigger boobs and rounder hips. But her face was girlishly youthful, with big eyes and a bigger smile as she gleefully looked at me. Her great legs were crossed as she sat upright facing me, leaning back on her hands. Her purple lace panties were mostly see- thru, enough to prove she was shaven bare. The lace push-up bra thrust her nice tits at me. And while I watched, she leaned back just a little further on Adrienne's bed so that her face was level with the first girl's. And after saying in a husky voice, "Happy Birthday, Ben," she turned and met the other girl's lips in a soft Sapphic kiss that gave me an instant boner.

The first girl moaned into the second's mouth as the two babes swapped spit and increased the intensity of their liplock. But no matter how hot the two of them looked making out, my eyes were drawn to the left where a third hot babe was dismounting the day bed.

"Hiii, Ben," she purred as she sauntered up, wearing an emerald green teddy that presented her big D-cups for my viewing pleasure. Those big jugs were WAY out of proportion with the rest of her petite body, and they bounced nicely when she came to a stop in front of me. Her dark hair was just a bit lighter in color from the two jet black-haired babes still kissing on Adrienne's bed, with almost an auburn hue to it. She looked up at me with large, expressive brown eyes. And her skin was nicely tanned, adding to her exotic subcontinental look. She grabbed the front of my shirt in her hands while rolling her eyes up and flashing me a naughty grin. "Three Deltas for your birthday. Appropriate, don't you think?"

I nodded in agreement to Lakhi Sharma and looked over to the bed where Kelly Park and Jocelyn Canilao were still making out. I knew I'd told myself not to sleep with Adrienne again until I got my head on straight, but after setting me up with her Tri-Delt sorority sisters, I figured my adoptive sister deserved an explosive orgasm or two.

Or seven...

Meanwhile, Lakhi wrapped her arms around my neck and got up on her tiptoes to pull me into a hot kiss, her tongue darting into my mouth several times while she simultaneously moaned in arousal and giggled playfully. We french kissed for a few minutes, and then she stepped back to pull my shirt off. Afterwards, Lakhi's nimble fingers were at my jeans and once they were open, she knelt to the floor, taking my jeans and boxers with her while my hard cock sprung out into the air.

I gasped when Lakhi sucked me into her mouth, bathing my cockhead with her tongue and jacking my shaft with just the right amount of force. I groaned and glanced over to where blue-streaked Kelly and jet black-haired Jocelyn were rolling around Adrienne's bed together, Kelly now working off Jocelyn's lace purple bra to get at those nice titties.

"How long have you guys been waiting in here?" I grunted down to Lakhi.

The Indian Tri-Delt rolled her eyes up to me and popped me out of her mouth long enough to say, "Just ten minutes or so. Paige let us in while you were distracted saying goodbye to the older girls. We thought about getting warmed up a bit more with each other, but we didn't know exactly when Adrienne was going to bring you in." Her eyes rolled over to the bed. "Joss and Kelly were fingering each other a bit though."

I reached down and grabbed Lakhi's hand, which had a couple of fingers glistening from way more than just my pre-cum. Bending over, I raised her fingers to my nose and took a sniff. And with a smirk I said, "They weren't the only ones doing a little fingering."

Lakhi giggled and then took her hand back. And without another word, she started tugging me over to the big bed.

Laughing like ... well, schoolgirls ... Kelly and Jocelyn reached up and grabbed my shoulders when Lakhi brought me into range. They tugged me onto my back and pulled me fully onto the bed. And then the three of them proceeded to attack me at the same time. Jocelyn went straight for my face, planting her lips onto mine and shoving her tongue down my throat. Kelly leaned over and inhaled my cock. And Lakhi simply reached in, fondling my balls with one hand while also reaching over between Jocelyn's legs.

"Mmff!" Jocelyn squeaked into our kiss when Lakhi's fingers suddenly arrived inside her pussy. She turned around to look back, and Lakhi curled a finger while indicating with her eyes back to my cock. Jocelyn took the hint and then slid over so that all three girls were hovering over my prick: Kelly to the left, Jocelyn to the right, and Lakhi between my legs. Both Kelly and Jocelyn were topless, their well-formed B-cups hanging downward with pretty pink nipples. Lakhi still had her teddy on; but bent over like she was, there was no fabric impeding my view of her big, swaying mounds.

One by one, the girls took turns sucking on me while fondling my testicles and legs with their hands. After being passed around a couple of times, Kelly and Jocelyn worked the sides of my shaft with their lips from opposite sides, occasionally kissing each other around my hunk of man meat. Giggling, they even managed to get all three of their mouths on me, with Lakhi sucking on top at the same time. And all too quickly I felt the urge to burst.

I hadn't cum since my last load down Paige's throat on Monday. It had been four days: an absolute eternity for me. That meant I had a massive load stored up inside me and my swollen balls felt like the size of grapefruits after all the attention my loins were getting from the three hot Tri-Delts.

I tried to warn them. Really, I did.

The phrase I tried to say was, "It's gonna be a LOT!" What I actually grunted was more like "Itsh-gnnabe-OT!" And then there was no more time for words as my hips bucked and I felt the dam burst inside me.

All three girls were still over my prick when my balls contracted, and Lakhi was still cradling them in her hand as well. They all heard my unintelligible grunt and Lakhi confirmed it by exclaiming, "He's cumming!" And then all three of them moved their faces side-by-side while Jocelyn aimed my cannon into the middle of them.

"Gggggghhh-GAH!" I grunted as the first volley finally flew out of me. My eyes rolled up into my head with the force of my climax and from then on, all I could see was the ceiling as I felt my hips bucking and my dick firing non-stop. The girls squealed and I felt my dick being pivoted left and right, still spurting out wad after wad of cum with all the force of a pressure-wash. And when the ejaculation finally stopped, I felt like melting right into the sheets.

"Oh-my-GAWD!" somebody exclaimed, and unable to resist, I picked my head up to survey the damage. All three girls were absolutely drenched in spunk, with strings of semen over their eyes, their cheeks, and actually dripping off of their faces to splatter back down onto my thighs. Lakhi's left eye was painted shut. A big stalactite seemed to be hanging down from Kelly's nose. And only Jocelyn, who'd had control of my joystick when it went off, seemed to have complete use of eyes, nose, and mouth, though she had quite a bit of spunk on her as well.

Jocelyn giggled, then turned and took a long lick at Lakhi's cheek from jaw up past the Indian girl's eye. Lakhi giggled and did the same thing to Kelly. And then I just sat back and smiled as the three girls started pressing against each other to lick the enormous volume of cum off each other's faces.

My birthday party had already ended. But THIS birthday party was just getting started.

"Oh, gawd ... Oh, gawd, oh, gawd..."

The birthday orgy was ending much like it started, with me staring at Kelly Park's fantastic ass. Compact, tight, and slender, she reminded me a bit of my own sisters, not a bad thing when talking about world-class asses. Only this time, there was no black thong bisecting her two hemispheres. No, the only thing between her cheeks was my dick, and even that was disappearing from view as inch after inch sank into the depths of Kelly's rectum.

"Oh, gawd ... Oh, gawd, Oh, gawd..." she groaned again, tightening her handgrip with Jocelyn, who was lying directly beneath her.

"Relaxxx..." Jocelyn soothed, now rubbing Kelly's buttcheeks instead of holding them apart, they way she'd been doing a minute earlier. "Kiss me, Kel."

Kelly leaned in and pushed her lips against Jocelyn's, moaning softly. Despite being the oldest of us all, Kelly was probably the least sexually experienced of anyone here. Having grown up with strict Korean parents, she'd been quite sheltered until arriving at Berkeley, a model Asian daughter.

Well, some friends had helped break her out of her shell and while she was far from a wild child, she'd certainly been exploring herself in the past couple of years. Some friends got her to join the Tri-Delts as a Sophomore. She'd streaked her hair blue and added the blue color-contacts. And even though Jocelyn was the sorority "little sister", it seemed that the younger Filipina was doing more of the mentoring when it came to new sexual experiences.

For example: Kelly's first anal.

The orgy had been running like normal; I was spreading the love amongst all girls present and sticking to mouths and pussies so as not to contaminate anything or slow us down. I'd already dropped a load in Jocelyn's super-tight pussy, and while Kelly slurped it out of her, I was fucking Lakhi on the day bed when the Indian girl had demanded that I fuck her ass.

Lakhi's legs were over my shoulders and she pulled me down to her, staring at me heatedly with those big brown eyes as she told me she'd tried it with both of her lovers since I took her anal virginity the night of the Halloween party. One guy just didn't know what he was doing and had been unsuccessful. And the other experience simply didn't satisfy her.

I found that surprising since Lakhi had taken to it so enthusiastically that night. But not really caring why, I let my body slump onto hers while stretching out to Adrienne's nightstand to retrieve the KY. Two minutes later, we were back in a missionary position with Lakhi's legs over my shoulders, only this time my cock was almost eight inches up her back door.

It ended much the same way the first time did. Lakhi's body went into convulsions as if she were having an epileptic seizure. And she came so hard that she literally passed out before I finished, leaving me to rut into her unconscious body for a few seconds before erupting into her unresisting rectum while her head lolled limply to the side.

With one look at the blissful expression on Lakhi's sleeping face, Jocelyn just HAD to have me do her next. The pretty Filipina ran fully naked outside to retrieve a soapy washcloth, and from the sounds through the open door, had a quick conversation with Paige and Adrienne. And leaving Lakhi to sleep on the day bed, we then reassembled with Kelly sitting up against Adrienne's headboard, Jocelyn tonguing her pussy, and me slowly entering the pretty Tri-Delt freshman's asshole from behind.

Unlike the other two, Jocelyn had some experience with anal before, though it wasn't a regular thing. She took all seven-and-three-quarter inches like a trooper and started rhythmically pushing back at me with every thrust. I held onto the young girl's hips, having to pull her body at me on each pump to get through her tight anal channel; but once she loosened up, I was able to reach forward and cup her swaying titties while she moaned and munched even harder on Kelly's cunt.

Meanwhile, Kelly was almost in shock at seeing the second anal act of her life immediately after the first. The pretty Korean girl was already quite turned on from the earlier fucking and sucking. She had gotten even more aroused while her own sorority little sister was eating her out. And when I leaned forward to cup Jocelyn's tits, the new position put my face right in front of Kelly while I grunted and panted and stared into her eyes with blazing lust.

With all those pleasurable feelings hammering her senses, watching me sodomize Jocelyn, and staring into my lust-filled eyes from up close and personal, Kelly got it in her head to try assfucking for the very first time.

Lakhi woke up midway through me fucking Jocelyn; and after I spent myself in Jocelyn's bowels, it was Lakhi who retrieved a fresh soapy washcloth to first clean me up and then suck me up to a fourth erection. Jocelyn was unconscious again, my fingers bracketing her clit and then giving her a double-penetration just too much for her to handle. But Kelly joined Lakhi in nursing my cock, licking and fondling the weapon that would soon be taking her final cherry.

Then Jocelyn woke up and went bug-eyed at hearing what Kelly was planning. But little sister soon took to the idea and proceeded to help get the older girl prepared. Jocelyn moved up to kiss Kelly and whisper encouraging thoughts in her ear. Lakhi was nibbling at Kelly's tits and caressing the Junior's tender skin. And I took it upon myself to get between the Korean girl's thighs and give her some oral attention while I lubed up and started stretching out her anus with my fingers.

Kelly hesitated twice. I was pressing a third finger through her sphincter and she was panicking that I wouldn't fit. After all, despite being the oldest she was definitely the skinniest of the three girls present. But Jocelyn assured her I would fit and even got me to confirm I'd sodomized skinnier girls before. "I'll bet you've even done little Paige," Jocelyn commented with a gleam in her eye. "It's a Catholic thing."

Old habits die hard and I refused to talk about what I had or hadn't done with Paige, reminding the girls that they wouldn't want me talking about them, either. The Tri-Delts apparently shared all with each other, but the gossip about our sex sessions never went through me. Still, I did assure Kelly that I knew what I was doing.

So Jocelyn ended up flat on her back with Kelly kneeling over her. The two Asian babes kissed and caressed each other while I slid my cock into Kelly's pussy from behind and fucked her slowly while she got used to the idea. Kelly hesitated for the second time, tensing up, and I pulled out and switched down to Jocelyn's pussy for safekeeping while Kelly, Jocelyn, and Lakhi talked it all out. And then it was back up and into Kelly's snatch while I worked two lubricated fingers into her ass in preparation for the main event.

I decided that having Kelly more or less unaware of the penetration would be ideal, and to that end I proceeded to drive her up to an orgasm. With Jocelyn's pubic mound rubbing her clit from below, Jocelyn's mouth on her mouth, and even Lakhi's lips around her tits, Kelly was soon gasping and whimpering in heated arousal. She was still tense, anxious about the coming assfucking, but the pleasure was quickly overwhelming those feelings, and she seemed ready to blow.

But not yet. Any old orgasm wouldn't do, I wanted Kelly to be shrieking with ecstasy when I invaded her butthole. And so I pulled her crotch off of Jocelyn's pussy and slowed my pace down while Kelly whimpered, so close to a climax but not allowed to get there yet. Following my lead, Jocelyn and Lakhi similarly backed off.

The three of us drove Kelly up the proverbial wall and back twice more, and after the last near-miss Kelly stopped caring about what was to come. "Fuck me, dammit! Fuck me and let me cum!" she whined. "Ram it up my cunt! Shove it up my ass! Even try and stick it into my nostril! I don't care, dammit! Let me cum!"

I looked down at Jocelyn and grinned. The Filipina girl smiled at me before grabbing Kelly's head and pulling it out of the way while she suckled on the Korean girl's neck. Lakhi moved her hand to Kelly's crotch, expertly jilling off the older girl with one hand while playing with herself with the other. And my own hands were tightly gripping Kelly's hips as I powered myself in and out of her with long strokes, touching off all of the slender girl's inner nerves.

"Oh ... Oh ... FUUUUCK!" Kelly finally screamed as a massive orgasm swept through her. She threw her head back and howled at the ceiling while her whole body jerked, just once, violently enough to dislodge Lakhi's fingers from her crotch.

But my hands tensed and I gripped her hips, locking them in place. I felt the clamping down of Kelly's pussy, trapping me inside her. But the instant she started to relax as the wave of pleasure crested over to the other side, I pulled out, settled my cockhead into her pre-lubricated chute, and rammed forward.

"Oh, gawd!" Kelly exclaimed a few seconds later when she realized she already had four inches of cock up her ass. That was all I could get on the first lunge, the skinny girl turning out to be skinny throughout her body. Jocelyn reached around to spread Kelly's asscheeks wider to assist in my entry. And while I pressed the rest of my cock into Kelly's asshole she whimpered again, "Oh, gawd ... oh, gawd..."

"Relaxxx..." Jocelyn soothed, now rubbing Kelly's buttcheeks instead of holding them apart, they way she'd been doing a minute earlier. "Kiss me, Kel."

The two hot babes started to make out, Kelly's forehead scrunched with tension. Lakhi slid back in alongside them, rubbing Kelly's clit and sucking on her tit. And I retracted back before pushing forward to fully imbed my cock up this pretty girl's anal chute once again.

Since it was my fourth erection, I knew I could last a long time. Fully fifteen minutes later, Kelly was slumped straight down on top of Jocelyn's body, completely exhausted from her third orgasm of our anal fuck. Jocelyn caressed the older girl, nuzzling her cheek and stroking her head and back. And I'd lost track of Lakhi. I was too busy pumping my way in and out of Kelly's amazingly tight asshole, straining down to my toes as I felt the orgasm welling up inside me. And finally, I held my pelvis right up against Kelly's buttcheeks while I loosened my load, feeling it splash down against her innards.

"Nnngahhh..." I sighed and panted for breath, not realizing I'd been holding it. And I struggled to hold my weight off her with my hands, lest I crush both her and Jocelyn beneath me.

"Another virgin sacrifice before the master," Adrienne's voice rang out to the left of me.

I turned to the day bed to see the stunningly gorgeous blonde bombshell reclining against the wall, fully naked with her legs spread to the sides. Lakhi was stomach-down on the mattress with her face in Adrienne's crotch, licking animatedly. And even Paige, pregnant belly and all, was sitting beside them, nursing at one of Adrienne's massive melons.

Adrienne smirked and nodded to the girls slumped beneath me. "I know the timing isn't right for us to sleep together yet, but Paige and I already cleaned up the party outside." Her tongue popped out and ran across her lower lip. "Mind if we do a little, ah, 'clean up' in here?"

I arched an eyebrow and then smiled as I pulled myself out of Kelly's stretched and abused asshole. Already I saw a glob of creamy jism bubbling to the surface.

Adrienne freed herself from the others, leaving Lakhi and Paige to entertain each other while coming over to me. With a peck on the cheek and then another quick one on the lips, Adrienne then smiled and knelt down, eagerly moving in to hoover my cum out of Kelly's ass.

It had been a GREAT birthday.

DAWN

FRIDAY, APRIL 16, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

Why the FUCK is Ben happy? How can he be happy at a time like this? Doesn't he know that he's losing me? Doesn't he realize that everything we dreamed of together is falling apart?

I glared across the room, watching Ben joke around with Adrienne, Paige, and Gwen. Technically, we met up every day at my apartment to finish homework. But Friday afternoons were almost never about homework since we all figured we could procrastinate through the weekend. Books were pushed aside while Ben made some wild hand gestures, waggling his head as if re-enacting something he'd seen earlier in the day. And in the end, he had all three girls belly laughing before he reached over and rubbed Gwen's knee suggestively, cracking another joke that sent the skanky blonde into a tizzy.

Yeah, I called her "skanky". What, was SHE fucking Ben again, too? I gritted my teeth together. Get a grip, Dawn. Isn't this exactly what you wanted? For Ben to happily move on? You chose Ryan and because you still loved Ben, you didn't want to see him so morose and upset, right? You wanted what was best for him, right? Well, you got your wish.

I had gotten my wish. I'd realized I didn't want to deal with the constant drama that seemed fated to surround Ben at every turn. I loved him as a friend, and as a friend I wanted him to be happy. And for some reason, through the whole week since his birthday Ben had been walking with an extra spring in his step. I knew what it meant: Ben was having sex again. He'd gone abstinent after finding out I was moving in with Ryan, but sometime after Ryan and I left his birthday party early, he'd gotten laid. And from the looks of things, he was continuing to get laid. Was it Adrienne? She made the most sense of course. Was it Paige? Had he worked out his hang-ups about leading her on? Then of course, those sorority sluts were visiting again. I figured Robin was safe since she was playing video games with Bert instead of fawning all over Ben. But was he even bagging Gwen now?

Fuck!

Face it, Dawn. You hated to see him miserable but a part of you secretly LIKED it. Seeing him miserable validated that he loved you and missed you and wanted to be with you. And once he couldn't have you anymore his whole world tanked. A part of you selfishly relished that.

[THUNK]

I looked down and realized I'd cut through the carrot a little harder than necessary, driving the very sharp knife a little bit into the cutting board. Ryan picked his head up and looked over at me. "You okay, babe?"

"Yeah," I replied dimly. "Yeah, I'm fine." Then I turned back to my boyfriend. "You really don't have to help me. I told you I was making this dinner FOR you."

"Then I'm helping FOR you, okay?" My gorgeously handsome man flashed a perfect smile at me, the kind of smile that made girls all over campus swoon. He really was the perfect guy. And I knew then that I was making the right choice.

Really: drama-filled playboy with dozens of sluts constantly worming their way into his pants, or handsome gentleman who adores you and only you?

I was making the right choice...

But then why was I still feeling... off?

BEN

"I still can't believe you actually called me," DJ gushed one more time into the phone. I'd lost track of how many times she'd already said it.

"I promised I would, didn't I? At camp. And today is April 16th." I grinned and then looked across the room. My friends were getting up from the table, ready to make their exit. "Anyways, I gotta go. We're heading out."

"Okay," DJ sighed. "And thanks, Ben."

"Of course. Happy 18th birthday, Deej."

"You still owe me a present," she giggled. "And you know exactly what I want."

I chuckled. We then said our goodbyes and hung up. I met my friends at the door, and the group of us then went through our own goodbyes.

"See you later, guys."

"Bye."

"Bye."

The six of us left the diner, Bert, Robin, and Gwen heading one way while Adrienne, Paige, and I went the other. Since, for the moment, not ONE of us was currently dating, we'd decided to all grab dinner together on this Friday night. Dawn and Ryan were having their own private at-home thing.

It wasn't very far away to our house, and once we hit the sidewalk, I reached out with my left arm and looped it through Adrienne's, pulling her to my side. Then I did the same to Paige on my right; and arm-in-arm, the three of us jaunted toward home.

"You're in a good mood," Adrienne drawled with a little smile.

"You arrange some sort of hookup on the phone?" Paige giggled from the other side.

"I got all the 'hookups' I need right here." I grinned, squeezed Adrienne's arm, and reached my right hand down to fondle Paige's ass.

"Hey, hey, don't start something you're not gonna finish." Paige waggled a finger at me. "S'not fair to mess with a girl with pregnancy hormones."

Instantly my mood turned a little serious. "Sorry," I said slowly while consciously raising my hand back up so that our arms were hooked together again.

We walked along in awkward silence for another minute before I spoke up. "Look, Paige, I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting for the last few weeks. I took advantage of you when you were at a really low point after Spring Break, and the last thing I want to do is lead you on."

"You're not leading me on," she replied off-hand.

"I am. I was confused that first day and we had sex. Then there were the, ah, morning wakeups for another week. Everything stopped for a little while when I got depressed and all. But I know I've started flirting and teasing you again this past week. Like you said: it's not fair to mess with you, pregnancy hormones or not."

Paige sighed and squeezed my arm. "You're not leading me on," she repeated. "'Leading me on' would imply you haven't made clear exactly what your position is on me; you have. I know that you love me and care about me; just not in a romantic way. I know that any sexual contact that happens between us is strictly physical. And I've accepted that no matter how much of a fantasy it may be to marry you and raise this child together, that's not reality. I'm your friend. And while I'm still in love with you — and a part of me hopes beyond all hope that you'll change your mind — I think I've realized that's all I'll ever be."

Adrienne leaned forward to look around me, about as surprised by Paige's declaration as I was. All three of us stopped and I let go of Adrienne to turn and take Paige's hand.

"You serious, Red?" I asked hesitantly.

Paige took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. She smiled up at me wanly and canted her head to the side. Then she nodded while answering, "Yeah..." She sounded like she was telling herself as much as she was telling us.

"That's very ... mature ... of you," I said slowly.

Paige shrugged and looked down, patting her belly. "Well, between this basketball on my belly and my parents, I've gotten a few shots of 'the real world' injected into me. If going through all this doesn't mature me, nothing will."

"But why? If I was really in love, I'm not sure I could do the same thing."

"Aren't you?" Paige waved back toward Dawn's and Ryan's apartment. "You love her, don't you? And you still picked Option One: you love her so much that you let her go. I'd just be a hypocrite if I gave you that advice and then didn't take it myself."

I shrugged.

"And look at you," Paige waved. "It took some time but you're moving on. You've been happy."

"Don't have much of a choice but to move on at this point," I sighed. Then I smirked at Paige. "But of course, there's that hope beyond all hope. I still love Dawn. I think I always have. And if she ever came back to me and told me she wanted to get back together, to find out what we could mean to each other again, I'd take her back in a heartbeat. Even after everything that's gone down between us, I'd take her back. She's my soulmate, you know?"

Paige sighed and looked down. "I know. That's why I'm backing off. You could never love me the way I'd want you to until you got her out of your system."

I pinched my lips, looked down, and nodded. Looking pensively back in the direction of the apartment, I took another deep breath and then finally brought my eyes down to Paige. "Well, I don't mean to lead you on, but that may be sooner than you think."

Paige seemed to brighten at that. She coyly reached out for my hands again. But just as her fingers closed around mine, Adrienne cleared her throat and stepped up, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to interrupt. But Ben, I think we need to talk."

When we got back to the house, Adrienne quickly directed me toward my bedroom. Paige made to follow, but Adrienne stopped her with a hand and a sharp look. "I'm sorry, Red, but this is really private."

Paige pouted for a moment, looking hurt that Adrienne was cockblocking (pussy- blocking?) her just when things were starting to look positive. But then Paige showed her developing maturity by accepting the situation, nodding, and then turning away. She headed into Adrienne's bedroom, likely to change and take a shower. Most of her gear was in there since she'd been sleeping on Adrienne's day bed the last couple of weeks instead of with me.

Adrienne then sat me down on my bed before grabbing my desk chair and pulling it up next to the bed. She leaned forward, planting her elbows on her knees while looking at me seriously. My eyes uncontrollably yo-yoed down to her cleavage spilling out of the scoop-neck top. She just waited until she had my focus again and then said seriously, "I told Dawn I wouldn't tell you this. She asked me to swear not to. And while I didn't quite swear, I didn't say otherwise; so she could very likely get really, really pissed off at me for telling you this. But while she's my friend, I'm on YOUR side, okay?"

I blinked a couple of times. Girls were pretty sensitive about betrayal and I felt my pulse quickening before Adrienne had even told me anything. I just nodded and motioned for her to continue.

She took a big deep breath and wrung her hands together. Then flicking her eyes up to me, Adrienne said plainly, "Dawn's still in love with you."

I blinked in surprise, not expecting her to say that. Then I furrowed my eyebrows and said, "Excuse me?"

Adrienne sighed and explained. "When she got back from Spring Break, Dawn was waiting here for you. She was going to ask you if you still loved her and wanted to give your relationship another chance. She was ready to break up with Ryan. She wanted YOU."

I blinked rapidly. "Wait, WHAT?"

Adrienne's face softened and she bit her lip. "The timing just didn't work out. You left straight for Cadence and she didn't get the chance to tell you. Then when you came back, Paige was already here. And then the two of you fell asleep together and you two, ah, got busy..."

My mouth gaped open in horror as the day came back to me. I remembered the weird look in Dawn's eyes after she told me about Bert and Robin breaking up. Then I remembered how she'd started to tell me something before Paige hopped out of the kitchen and into my lap.

I'd beaten myself up for missing other opportunities, but this one SUCKED. "Holy shit..." I turned and groaned, my eyes wide. My hands went up to my head and I squeezed my brain like a lemon. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

"Ben, you've got to DO something."

"Like what?" I felt moisture forming in my eyes. "Don't you get it? I MISSED my opportunity. I used to think that fate would always bring us back together, but it looks like fate made sure we DIDN'T get back together."

"Ben, seriously!" Adrienne admonished.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to be calm. "What can I do? She chose Ryan."

"Because he's safe. Because she's scared of all your drama. But she still loves you. And you love her. And you two fucking BELONG together, okay?"

I frowned and stared away, trying to focus on something productive. But I ended up with my brain still spinning from the revelations Adrienne had just given me.

"It's not too late," Adrienne insisted. "She's rebounding with Ryan just as much as you did with DJ after me. She's latching onto him without understanding what she's getting herself into. She still loves you. And you've got to get to her before she convinces herself otherwise."

She loves me ... She still loves me ... She wanted me BACK ... Oh, I've been SUCH an idiot! I stood up and took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm going over there." I turned and started heading out.

"Whoa, whoa!" Adrienne grabbed my hand and pulled me back. "Right now?"

I blinked and set my jaw. "Yes, right now."

"What? You're going to crash their date? Don't you think you should stop and think about this before you run off half-cocked?"

I looked Adrienne seriously and said, "You just told me that Dawn, MY Dawn, still loves me and wanted me back. You just said I had to get to her before she convinces herself otherwise. Well, maybe tonight is the night she convinces herself. And if I don't get over there and crash their date, I may lose her forever."

"Ben, we need to think about this and figure out what you need to do. At least wait a few minutes. It's already been weeks since she agreed to move in with him. I don't think another few minutes will make or break this relationship."

I squeezed Adrienne's hand where she was still holding me back. "I need to go," I intoned seriously. "I can feel it. The universe tells me that Dawn and I belong together, and that the time is NOW."

"How can you know?"

I stared right at Adrienne, my adoptive sister, ex-girlfriend, and best friend right now. I put all the weight of conviction, desire, and true love into my gaze. And I told her, "I just know."

My cell phone blared to life, and Adrienne's eyes popped open WIDE as she recognized the ring tone. We both recognized it, having heard it so many times. It was my special ring tone for Dawn.

I pulled the phone out of my pocket, flipped it open, and thumbed a few buttons. I quickly scanned the screen and then turned the phone around to show it to Adrienne. Upon seeing it, she gasped and covered her gaping mouth with her right hand.

It was a text message from Dawn: Ben, I NEED you. Come to the apartment. Hurry!

DAWN

"Don't you think you should tell your parents by now?" Ryan asked after swallowing his most recent bite of steamed vegetables. He tried to look blasé about the whole thing, but there was a tension in his forearms as he cut off the next slice of steak from his plate.

I sighed. "I told you: I'm just waiting until we've got the location settled. Don't worry, I'm still moving with you. It's not like it's going to be much different than me splitting an apartment with you here. They're probably expecting you to live with me up here and commute to wherever, so it's just a location change to them. Heck, Fremont is a lot closer to home."

"So if it's not a big deal, why won't you tell them?"

I just sighed and shook my head, focusing on my meal. I didn't want to argue with him on this point. I guess it was because I knew deep down that I hadn't totally accepted the idea myself just yet. And once I told my parents, it would really be REAL. I'd be leaving Berkeley, leaving my friends...

... and leaving Ben.

This whole thing had just snowballed. One minute, I was in love with Ben and ready to ask him to take me back. The next, I was angry at him. And before I'd even realized it myself, I'd told Ryan I would move away with him.

It was all so much bigger than just moving to a different city. Everyone, everyone, knew that this was a big commitment to Ryan. I thought he deserved it from me. But the more I thought about it, the more I kept wondering if I wasn't making a mistake. Maybe Adrienne was right. Maybe I was overreacting.

But how could I take it back now?

I wouldn't take it back. Ryan deserved this, deserved me. I appreciated him; I really did. And just like agreeing to move away with him was a sign of commitment, telling my parents that I was moving away would be a sign that I truly meant it.

Telling my parents, my sisters, and by extension Ben's family, that I was moving away, would be announcing to all of them that Ben and I were done. Childhood best friends, and hopefully friends in the future, but nothing more.

I put my fork down and reached across the table, covering Ryan's left hand with my right. He looked up at me, his sterling blue eyes shining. And I told him sincerely, "I'll call them tomorrow." I took a deep breath, looked him in the eye, and repeated, "I'll call them tomorrow."

Ryan cracked a wide smile, his handsome features softening to make him look a little bit more like a giddy boy who just found out he was getting a dirt-bike for Christmas. I smiled back and patted his hand, coming to terms with my decision.

Ryan would learn, with time, how to read me the way Ben could. Ryan would learn how to push my buttons. Ryan would love me just as much as Ben could if I he only had the opportunity. He certainly had the desire.

Moisture formed in my eyes as I rubbed his hand. And then softly I said, "Tell me how much I mean to you."

He smiled and looked down for a brief moment. Summer, Autumn, Winter, and Spring, he would love me forever, if I only gave him that chance.

I slowly let myself fall back across the bed, my left arm over my naked breasts to cover them coyly while my right arm flung straight back, far enough that my hand bumped against the headboard.

Ryan, clad only in his boxer briefs, followed me up the bed. He paused to kiss my inner thigh, pecked my pussy right through my panties, and then moved up to my belly button. I stubbornly resisted when he tried to move my arm off my tits, giggling playfully. And then I finally pulled my left arm away and let my man slide further up to get at my globes of fun.

Surprisingly, he didn't linger very long. One quick peck for each nipple and then he was up to my face, tilting his head and meeting me in a sweet kiss. Leveraging himself on his arms over me, he moved further up until his package was rubbing against my panty-clad crotch. His head was directly over me, so that my vision was filled with my man's bulk so I could literally feel his masculine presence even though he was barely touching me. We kissed again, and then again, and then he pushed himself up over me, staring at me with a look of wonder in his eyes.

I batted my eyelashes coquettishly, encouraging him to take me a little more firmly, but he blinked and a new light came into his eyes. "Dawn, babe. I want to do something a little different."

"Oh?"

He took a deep breath and looked away, but then came back to me with a new intensity in his gaze. "I want to tie you up."

I arched an eyebrow and smirked, feeling a flush spread through my body. I normally wasn't one for bondage, my only real experiences being on the dom side. But on this night, I was in a mood to give myself to my man. "Kinky," I giggled.

He smiled upon getting the positive reaction, and I heard his breathing speed up as he continued. "I want to blindfold you. And then, I want you to talk me through everything. I want you to tell me what you want me to do. I want you to show me how to please you, all by touch. I'll cover your eyes. Close your ears if you can. Just feel what I'm doing to you and tell me what you want. Your every greatest desire, Dawn, I want to give you. Ask me to do anything, even, ah ... well..." he stammered and trailed off. "Even the things you think I might not be comfortable with. For this night at least, I'll do anything for you."

Ryan spoke to me with such obvious sincerity and love that I couldn't help but reach up and grab his head, pulling his face down to me so that we could kiss again. A shiver ran up my spine, followed by a tingle of happy pleasure. This could work. This could really work. Ryan could really make me happy forever.

We didn't have any actual bondage gear. But I had a collection of handkerchiefs that I often used in my hair, farm-girl style. After retrieving those, Ryan proceeded to tie my wrists to the bars in the headboard. A dark blue handkerchief was double-folded and went over my eyes. And then Ryan stepped back from the bed to admire my almost naked body splayed out before him.

Like I said, I wasn't normally one for bondage, but the moment had my skin tingling and my pussy wet. Just knowing that my big, strong man was lustfully staring at my nakedness sent a surge of energy through my limbs, and I deliberately jiggled my chest and raised my knees into the air while spreading my legs apart, inviting him to return to me.

The panties went first. I lifted my hips into the air to let him drag them off me and up my legs. Cool air met the moist heat emanating off my pussy, and I wriggled my hips in invitation to touch me. More than that, I wanted him to eat me. And then I wanted him to fuck the shit out of me.

"Tell me what you want, babe," Ryan told me. "I'll do anything for you."

"Kiss me."

He did.

"Suck my tits."

He did.

"Play with my pussy."

He did.

But simple directions weren't what he wanted. His lips were against my ear soon enough, and he encouraged me, "More. Tell me softer. Tell me harder. Tell me in detail what you want me to do to you."

I panted and nodded. It took me a few seconds to think and then I told him, "Kiss me again. Softly, rub your lips against mine from left to right. Softer ... softer ... mmm..." I sighed. "Rub your nose against mine, playfully, tenderly. And then flick your tongue against my teeth before pushing it into my mouth."

It took a few seconds to get down, but Ryan was doing what I wanted. He was kissing me just right, and by the time his tongue pushed into my mouth, I was heating up with increasing passion, tugging my arms against the handkerchiefs. One of them even came loose — after all, it was just a handkerchief — but Ryan moved up and quickly re-tied me before coming back and kissing me once again.

I moaned into his mouth and he moaned while pressing his chest against mine. And then I told him to move lower. "Kiss your way down my neck, little butterfly kisses until you get to my breasts. Fondle them in your hands and run your thumbs against the crease below my breasts. I love that. They're so sensitive. Mmm..." I moaned as he did as I asked.

"Suck them, gently. Swirl your tongue around my nipples and bare your teeth for just a brief moment. Oh ... A little more gently. Just a little ... Ah..."

For the next thirty minutes, Ryan took a Dawn-guided tour of my body. He kissed every square inch of me, ran his fingers along all those spots as well, and brought me to two painfully-stretched out but delicious orgasms. I felt like I was constantly telling him to push his finger a little deeper into my cunt, or nibble on my nipple just a little harder, or wrap his tongue around my clit and suck as hard as he possibly could. By the end of the half-hour, I was sweaty and soaked, gasping for air.

And I wanted to CUM.

The second of the two orgasms had happened almost fifteen minutes ago. Ryan had me primed but wouldn't let me go over the edge, the one thing he refused me even though I was supposedly giving the orders. And just as I was FINALLY about to cum, he abruptly pulled away and said, "Gimme a minute." And then before I realized it, he was sliding a vibrator into my pussy and thumbing it on.

I jerked when the buzzing hit me. Ryan knew where my stash of toys was, but we rarely added them to our lovemaking. My man was all I really wanted, given the choice, especially since the vibrator wasn't nearly as big as his actual cock. The only thing it had going for it was that it could vibrate, but this close to orgasm, I desperately craved something more. And Ryan had the damn thing on its lowest setting, giving me a pleasant throb but nothing strong enough to push me over the edge.

So when I felt Ryan getting off the bed, I jerked my arm again to free myself from a handkerchief so that I could reach down and finish myself off.

"No, Dawn," Ryan said sternly. "No hands." He quickly re-tied me, and I whimpered while the buzzing sound in my pussy filled my ears.

He was actually gone for more than a minute. It might have been five. It might have been fifteen. All I know is that it felt like an eternity, blindfolded, my body SCREAMING with need while that fucking vibrator just kept humming inside my cunt, not letting me relax, but not letting me cum, either.

"Ryan..." I whimpered after a long while. "Please..."

"Just a minute, babe," he replied in the distance.

I whimpered again, but then thankfully he climbed back onto the bed shortly after. His lips were on me and I kissed him with a fierce passion as I pleaded, "No more games. Blindfolded, not blindfolded, I don't care anymore. I need you inside me, babe."

"Soon, Dawn. Soon," he rasped back at me. And then I felt his hand on the vibrator beneath me, slowly gliding it in and out.

"No ... I need YOU. I need a real, live COCK in me, baby..." I complained.

"Soon..." he replied.

I winced and turned my head to the side, focusing inward on the feeling of the vibrator sliding in and out of my body too slowly too get me off but with just a bit more intensity than it staying still. My breathing was shallow and I squirmed with my hips, trying to get even more sensations for my hyper-stimulated body. And that's when I felt the new touch. A small probe, lubricated, touched against my asshole. I went rigidly still, concentrating on the feeling. And after the initial surprise, I consciously relaxed and let it in.

I was amazed that Ryan was doing this. He'd long been skittish about anything remotely resembling anal sex. I certainly couldn't go anywhere near his asshole. He considered it "gay", especially considering all the homosexual people around us here in Berkeley. Actually, he wasn't really a fan of lesbians, either, which was why I hadn't had a female lover in a long, looong time, not counting the one night with Adrienne after Spring Break.

Usually, Ryan also didn't want to go near my asshole, and to feel what felt like his finger worming through my anus had me trembling with excitement. Even though he'd promised me he'd do anything tonight, I never really planned to ask him to do this.

"Ohmigawd, Ryan..." I cooed and felt the digit slide a little deeper. I knew it really was a finger this time, because I felt the rest of his hand cupping my asscheek while his other hand held my leg up to give him access.

"Do you remember the first time we had sex, Dawn?" He asked softly. "I remember like it was yesterday. Thanksgiving Weekend. My house. Stanford versus Notre Dame."

"Mmm..." I moaned as Ryan slid his finger all the way into me and then resumed pumping the vibrator slowly in and out of my pussy.

"You fucked me. You fucked me and then let me cum in your mouth. It was the sexiest, most erotic moment of my life. And then immediately after, you got to live YOUR fantasy. Do you remember?"

I remembered. With Ryan's finger in my ass and the vibrator humming in my pussy, I definitely remembered. But I didn't answer. I waited for Ryan to say it.

"You fucked us both at the same time," Ryan intoned hypnotically. "You pushed me onto the couch, sat on my dick, then reached back and spread your own asscheeks for him. Do it now. Do it again, Dawn." He pulled away from me, freeing my hands, and then took hold of my hips, flipping me over onto all fours. He pulled me to the edge of the bed, squatting in a frog position, still blindfolded. Reaching down, he started pumping the vibrator in and out of my pussy again. And in that same hypnotic voice, he said, "Spread your cheeks baby."

Groaning, I bent over and lay my cheek on the mattress. Quivering with need, my arms were shaking as I reached back and grabbed my buttcheeks with my hands and spread them wide. And then Ryan's fingers were in my ass again, lubing me up, coating me and making me ready. I hadn't felt a cock up my ass in YEARS, and only Ben's dick had ever done it to me.

"For one night, you get to have us both," Ryan said softly. "Imagine I'm in your pussy, babe. Imagine I'm sitting beneath you, back on the couch in my parents' house. You're impaled on my prick, feeling it pulsing deep inside your loins as you anxiously await Ben's cock up your ass. Because I won't do it. You know I don't like that. But for you, on this night, you can have Ben's cock up your ass again."

"Oh, gawd..." My mind was racing. Why was Ryan doing this? Was it the only way he could wrap his head around buttfucking me? Was it the only way he could feel like what he was doing wasn't "gay"? That it wasn't him doing it? That it was Ben? I closed my eyes and humped the vibrator, moving my whole body back and forth, feeling it burrowing into my pussy while still holding my buttcheeks open wide.

Ryan was silent for a minute while I processed all this, just holding the vibrator in position while I slowly rocked back and forth against it. But then he said firmly. "Ben's here, babe." And then he leaned down, husking into my ear, "Plead for Ben's cock, babe. Say it. Ask him to fuck your ass."

I hesitated for a few seconds, not really wanting to go there. Ryan recalling our first time together, culminating in my one and only ever double-penetration was one thing. Telling me, here and now, to plead for Ben was something else.

"Plead for him. Tell him you want him, babe. I know you do. I know you still think about it sometimes. Tell him to fuck your ass."

"Fuck my ass, Ben," I said softly. "Fill me up, baby."

"Louder, babe." I felt Ryan's lubricated fingers trailing over my anus. He started moving the vibrator in my pussy again. He whispered into my ear again, "My cock's in your cunt. You need one more. I need to hear it."

"Fuck my ass, Ben," I repeated, a little louder. "Please, Ben. Please? I want it."

"Again, Dawn. Mean it. Tell him how long you've gone without getting sodomized. I don't think he's convinced to do it."

"Please, Ben. I've missed you so much." I lost myself to the fantasy. I swore I could actually feel Ben waiting just behind me while Ryan sat beneath me. Ryan was fucking me and I still spread my buttcheeks for Ben. "Please, Ben! I haven't felt a cock in my ass since the last summer when we were together. That's almost two years!"

"I don't think he's sure he can do this to you. He's worried about upsetting me."

"Ryan's right here, Ben. He's approving and he's watching and I need your cock, Ben! We've done this before ... I NEED this. I NEED you. Please!"

"More Dawn. Tell him what you want, the same way you told me how to please you just a few minutes ago. Tell him, Dawn! Tell him!"

"Please, Ben! Please! Fuck my ass! Grab my hips and grip them tight! Use your hand to fist your dick and press it against my little rosebud! Hold me and yank me back against you! I surrender to you! Don't you remember? Take me! I surrender to you! It's yours! I'M yours! Take my asshole and fill me up! Hammer my poor body and- UGH!"

I grunted and was shoved forward against the mattress as I felt a cock roughly plunge through my gaping asshole. It only got a few inches before being stopped by my tightness. After all, I hadn't had anything in there in a LONG time. It almost felt like the first time, back at camp when I was seventeen and Ben took my anal virginity.

"Oh, Ben!" I whimpered. "Take me! Take me!"

"Ugghhh!" he groaned. I swore it even sounded like Ben.

"Fuck me, Ben! This mouth! This cunt! This ass! They're yours whenever you want them! FUCK! FUCK!"

"Oh, Dawn!" he grunted once his dick was fully imbedded deep inside my bowels.

"Again! Ben! Fuck me! Fuck my ass!" I screamed, now fully lost to the fantasy. I dreamed it was really Ben behind me, pumping his big, beautiful dick in and out of my tight asshole that hadn't been stretched in almost two years. I imagined his turgid cock, throbbing and hot, battering aside my anal walls as he filled me up then retreated only to fill me up again.

Now, Ben, I thought hard. I'm so close. Squeeze my tits. Pinch my nipples. Do it! Now!

He did. I groaned gutturally as his strong hands clamped onto my swaying tits, squeezing them until his thumbs and forefingers worked up to my nipples and pinched them oh-so-perfectly, with just the right pressure.

Hold your cock at full depth and circle it around my walls to stretch me out. Do it! Now!

He slammed into me, his pelvis sealing tightly against my asscheeks, holding himself there and pivoting his hips to stretch me out even wider, letting me feel the filled sensation continue on and on and on. Oh, it was so perfect!

"Fuck me ... fuck me..." I grunted. My voice changed in pitch a bit. I was imagining Ryan beneath me, thrusting into my cunt, and I wanted him to fuck me harder. It didn't make sense, because I knew there wasn't really a person down there. But still I wanted more stimulation in my pussy to truly complete the double-penetration.

And then I felt it. Someone thumbed the vibrator to a higher setting, and even while Ben continued his short thrusts into my ass, he was also pumping the vibrator in and out of my cunt at the same time, pulling it out every now and again to let it pulse against my clit and send me into spastic shudders. Oh, how did he know? How could he make me feel so good? When I wanted it deeper in my cunt, he pivoted it and slammed it all the way into me. How are you reading my mind?

"Oh, fuck," I groaned. "You're gonna make me cum! I'm gonna cum with your cock in my ass! Fuck me! Fuck me! Holy SHIT!"

That last exclamation came when he pulled the vibrator out again and pressed it directly against my clit. Ben wrapped his left arm around my waist, pinning me against him while he made short, rapid thrusts through my sphincter, clearly close to blowing his lid as well. And my whole body went into uncontrollable spasms as a gloriously massive orgasm absolutely detonated inside of me.

"I'M CUMMING!" I howled. "I'M CUMMING!"

"ARRRGHHH!" Ben roared into my ear, the sound of his voice making me even more aroused and truly sending me into orgasmic orbit. He held out just long enough, continuing to pump me, stoking the flames of my orgasm higher and higher. And with perfect timing, right when I felt my orgasm waning I felt the first jets of spunk splattering against my insides, coating my bowels with creamy cum and giving me such blissful feelings that I promptly shuddered and came again.

"AAAAAAHHH!!!" I screamed.

"AAAAAAHHH!!!" Ben screamed.

And together we thrashed on the bed, me squirting out copious amounts of girlcum around the still buzzing vibrator in my cunt and Ben squirting out a gallon of sperm into the depths of my now lewdly-stretched asshole.

My legs had held on just long enough, but now they buckled and I collapsed flat on my belly. Come with me, Ben, I thought. Come hold me, cuddle me, and smother me in your welcome weight.

He came with me, his chest pressing down against my naked back, his dick still lodged in my anus as it slowly deflated. Come kiss-

Before I could finish the thought, his lips were at the back of my neck, tender and sweet.

Rub my arms-

He was already caressing my biceps.

Love me forever.

"I love you, my Dawn," Ben husked right into my ear, his voice unmistakable.

My eyes went wide as I realized that this was no fantasy. It really WAS Ben on top of me with his cock in my ass.

"I've loved you always and I'll love you forever," he groaned sincerely. "I'm yours. I'll always be yours. Please take me back.."

93 The Text l

BEN

FRIDAY, APRIL 16, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

I breathed shallowly while forcing myself not to panic. If Dawn was in trouble, she would have either said so in her text, or the text itself would have been much shorter. Still, she said to hurry so I was walking pretty fast. Dawn's apartment was only a couple of blocks away and it didn't take me long to get there.

I was about to knock when I realized the front door was cracked open just a bit. The sense of panic set in again. Something was off, and very cautiously I pushed open the door and went inside, trying to be as quiet as possible like in the movies.

The living room lights were on. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But a very obvious moan fluttered out from the direction of the bedroom. I knew the moan instantly. It was Dawn; and she was sexually aroused.

What the fuck was going on?

Walking slowly, I headed across the living room and over to the bedroom. And once I saw inside, I came to a dead stop in utter shock. Dawn was kneeling on the bed, face down on the mattress with her hands reaching back to spread her own asscheeks wide. I could see her pretty pussy and winking rosebud even from here. I started to gasp but Ryan saw me and held a finger to his lips, directing me to remain silent. I don't know why, but I obeyed and stifled myself. Clearly, he'd been expecting me.

With a smile at me, he told Dawn, "Ben's here, babe." And then he leaned forward and whispered something into her ear.

A moment later, she said softly, "Fuck my ass, Ben. Fill me up, baby."

"Louder, babe." Ryan directed. His fingers were coated with Astroglide and he trailed them over her dilating anus. His left hand took hold of a thin vibrator already lodged in Dawn's pussy, and pumped it slowly.

Good freaking lord Dawn looked hot. Her skin glowed and glistened with sweat. Her every breath was an arousing pant. And the pure majesty of her naked body would have gotten a dead man hard.

"Fuck my ass, Ben," Dawn repeated, a little louder. "Please, Ben. Please? I want it."

Only now did I realize that she was blindfolded and still holding herself open for me. This whole thing was set up to get me to fuck her, but was it a test? Was she serious? Was RYAN serious?

"Again, Dawn," Ryan encouraged. "Mean it. Tell him how long you've gone without getting sodomized. I don't think he's convinced to do it."

"Please, Ben. I've missed you so much," Dawn whimpered, clearly lost to her pleasure and craving the sexual contact. I knew the tone in her voice. Dawn wanted to CUM. She hadn't cum yet for some reason and she was waiting for me. Ryan waved me forward, and despite all my hesitations, I stared at her naked body and involuntarily began walking forward. My dick was throbbing in my jeans, straining to get out as I remembered her text saying: I NEED you.

"Please, Ben! I haven't felt a cock in my ass since the last summer when we were together. That's almost two years!"

I gritted my teeth, torn with indecision. I wanted to do this. DAWN wanted me to do this. But could I do it in front of Ryan? I looked at him, concern etched across my face.

"I don't think he's sure he can do this to you," Ryan intoned, staring right at me. "He's worried about upsetting me."

"Ryan's right here, Ben," Dawn pleaded. "He's approving and he's watching and I need your cock, Ben! We've done this before ... I NEED this. I NEED you. Please!"

Oh, freaking GAWD. I loved her. I'd always loved her. It could never just be casual sex between us, and I had no idea why Ryan and Dawn were setting this up, but I just couldn't resist. Dawn wanted to be fucked. I wanted to fuck her. We'd both wanted this since Robin's Swingers Party. We'd stopped ourselves from crossing this line back then, but with her naked and needy and HOLDING HER OWN FUCKING ASSCHEEKS OPEN FOR ME, I realized then that nothing was going to stop us tonight.

"More Dawn," Ryan growled. "Tell him what you want, the same way you told me how to please you just a few minutes ago. Tell him, Dawn! Tell him!"

"Please, Ben! Please! Fuck my ass! Grab my hips and grip them tight! Use your hand to fist your dick and press it against my little rosebud! Hold me and yank me back against you! I surrender to you! Don't you remember? Take me! I surrender to you! It's yours! I'M yours! Take my asshole and fill me up! Hammer my poor body and- UGH!"

I don't have any clue when I dropped my pants and freed my cock. I don't remember how I got from five feet away to standing right behind Dawn's perfect ass. All I really know is that at some point, I'd caved to my desire and slammed my cock into the greatest love of my life.

I wish I could remember more of what followed. It was Dawn's and my reunion fuck in a way, the first time our hips were joined together so intimately in almost two years, an eternity for the both of us. But I was too caught up in the moment to really form lasting memories. All I really have are snippets of pleasure.

I remember holding and squeezing Dawn's tits while grinding my cock at full depth inside her bowels.

I remember reaching around to pump the vibrator in and out of Dawn's cunt, flipping it to the highest setting along the way.

And I remember wrapping my left arm around Dawn's waist, holding her in position for me to pump my way through her stretched backdoor while she screamed at the top of her lungs, "I'M CUMMING!"

It was all automatic. My brain was turned off and I simply fucked her on instinct. But somehow, Dawn and I moved so well together that our orgasms were perfectly timed. I filled her rectum with spunk just seconds after she started her detonation, spurring her into an aftershock orgasm as well.

And in the end, I collapsed right on top of her, kissing and rubbing and caressing while I told her how I felt from the bottom of my heart. "I love you, my Dawn. I've loved you always and I'll love you forever." I took a deep breath, and then told her what I truly wanted to say. "I'm yours. I'll always be yours. Please take me back."

Dawn tensed up for a moment, and then spun around, dislodging my prick from her asshole as she ripped the blindfold off her face and looked at me in utter and complete shock. "Ben!" she exclaimed.

I blinked. Who else did she think was buttfucking her? "Uh, yeah..."

"Ohmigod!" Her eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly to her and pressing her nose deep into the crook of my neck. "What are you doing here?"

I blinked rapidly again. Was she serious? "Uh, you texted me to come over," I stammered.

Dawn frowned and said, "I didn't text ... Ryan!" Her eyes went wide and she darted her head around the room. Ryan was gone. He was nowhere in sight. Without another word, she slipped off the bed and hurried naked to the doorway, looking around the apartment living room and finding it empty as well. Then she darted to the bathroom and the spare bedroom. And finally she went over to the front door, just as I was following her out from the bedroom.

There was a note on the front door and Dawn raced over, snatched it in her hand, and brought it back over to me. I looked over her shoulder and silently read:

Dawn —

I wish I didn't have to be this drastic, but I just HAVE to know. I love you, but I can never truly be comfortable until I know how you really feel about Ben. I want to believe that you'd be happy with me forever, but I just see too much between the two of you. So I'm going home to Hayward tonight. I'm going to spend the night with my family and talk to my mom about us. And I'm expecting that you'll stay in the apartment with Ben tonight. I realize that you two might talk each other into staying away from each other out of concern for me, but I assure you that what I really want is for you two to spend the night together. To help illustrate that point, I rigged the front door to be locked from both sides, so you can't get out. You're also on the second floor, so I wouldn't recommend going out a window. Of course, I know Ben's pretty handy so he could probably undo the lock before I get back, but I'm hoping he won't. Spend the night together. Talk things out. Because if we really have a future together, you'll have to get over Ben, first.

—Ryan

P.S. I'll be back at 10am.

Dawn finished right around the same time I did. And at the exact same time, we turned to look at each other and remarked, "Now what?"

Both of us needed to come to grips with what had just happened. But I didn't want to leave and thankfully, Dawn didn't ask me to. By agreement, we took separate showers to get cleaned up. And when I emerged from the bathroom, Dawn had already changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas.

We found Dawn's cell phone on the coffee table and then settled onto the couch together, a couple of feet between us. I sat straight, leaning against the backrest with my feet on the coffee table. Dawn sat sideways so that she could face me, her left leg tucked beneath her. Neither of us spoke for the first couple of minutes.

"You didn't know I was coming, did you?" I finally asked softly.

Dawn closed her eyes and shook her head.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I asked, "So why were you pleading, using MY name, to fuck you?"

Dawn bit her lip and wrung her hands together. "It was a fantasy Ryan cooked up. He had me reliving the first time HE had sex with me, when the two of you double-teamed me at his parents' house."

I grimaced and nodded. "Is fantasizing about me something the two of you do a lot?"

Dawn snorted and rolled her eyes, staring away. "No."

I felt guilty, as if I'd taken Dawn against her will. The fact was, she didn't know I'd actually be fucking her. She'd probably thought it was Ryan. And no matter what the situation or confusion or whatever, I still knew that my dick had entered her body — her asshole even — without her express permission for me to do so. "Dawn, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that you didn't know it was me. I feel like I... raped you or something."

She frowned and looked right at me. "What? No! You didn't * me!"

I blinked. "You're not upset that I just buttfucked you without you even knowing it was me?"

"Absolutely not. Whether I realized it was you or not, I WANTED it to happen. You didn't * me. If I had known you were really there, I would have been pleading just as hard. I wanted you. I've always wanted you." Her face softened and she reached out to me, taking my hand in hers. "I know this isn't what we'd talked about, but I've wanted to feel this with you for a long time."

"What?"

"Us. You and me. Nothing between us anymore." Dawn leaned forward, the loose neck of her pajama top hanging down to give me a glimpse of her cleavage as she crawled onto the couch and moved toward me.

"Dawn," I sighed. "There are a lot of things between us."

"Not right now. Not this moment," she insisted, now on all fours on top of the seat cushions with her face just inches away from mine. "Look at me, Ben. Look at me."

I looked at her. She still had the most beautiful face I'd ever seen, the face of an angel. Her crystal clear blue eyes sparkled as she stared at me. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. And she whispered, "Nothing between us. Nothing separating us. Just you ... and me..." And then she kissed me.

My brain erupted in a volcanic explosion. I'd almost forgotten what Dawn's kiss could do to me. Every neuron in my brain felt like it fired off at the same time. And a bolt of lightning crackled up and down my spine.

But once the initial shock wore off, my conscience reared its ugly head again and I pulled away, "Dawn-Dawn-Dawn..." I patted her arms to keep her at bay. "What about Ryan?"

"This isn't about Ryan. Ryan's gone for the night. This is just you and me."

"But, but..." I stammered before Dawn cut me off by bringing a finger to my lips.

"Dammit, Ben! Stop thinking so damn much!" Dawn growled. "Ryan locked us in here until tomorrow morning. Ryan set you up to fuck me in the ass! Ryan sent me up to camp two years ago knowing you and I were going to fuck each other's brains out! He can handle one night! And this isn't about Ryan!"

I let my eyes soften and open up as big as they could get, my own version of my little sisters' puppy-dog eyes. And staring straight at Dawn, I said softly, "No, it's about us. I meant what I said before: I love you. I want to love you forever. I want you back, and I NEED to know if you want me, too."

I missed her. I missed Dawn. Everything in my life had made sense and just felt so ... perfect ... when we were together; when we were in love. I wanted that feeling back. And if it meant I had to give up Adrienne and Paige and all the Tri- Delts, then I would do it in a heartbeat.

But a relationship takes two. Dawn blinked and stared back at me, a riot of emotions behind her eyes: love and longing for me, fear of change, raw lust, and anxiousness for the future. These were all things I sensed through our connection, but I had no clue as to what decisions she was making.

She didn't decide right now. Brushing her thumb along my cheek, she leaned in and kissed me tenderly. Then she pulled back and stared deeply into my eyes. And she said, "Let me just enjoy tonight, okay? Then ask me again in the morning."

It was a bittersweet night for me. It was sweet because it was Dawn. We made love like we'd never been apart, sensing each other's moods and desires before we even had a chance to voice them. The passion was intense. The pleasure unimaginable. And it was both nostalgic and erotic to hear Dawn murmur "That's two" when she felt my cum splashing into her pussy, and then "That's three" after swallowing my last load of the night.

But it was also bitter because I didn't know what was going to happen in the morning. For one night, Dawn was throwing her cares and caution to the wind and pulling me along with her. We were two hot, horny youngsters who existed in our own little world for a couple of hours. It was like we were sixteen again, alone in our special clearing with the rest of reality left far, far behind.

But come morning, I didn't know whether Dawn would return my desire to get back together. And not knowing tinged everything we did together with a bleakness that made me wonder if we'd ever be this intimate again.

Was this night just the first in rediscovering the greatest love of our lives?

Or was this night just one final fling before Dawn followed through on her commitment to Ryan and left me in her past?

I was glad that Dawn didn't want to keep fucking until we'd thoroughly exhausted ourselves. If we had, I might have believed she was getting as much as she could get before the clock chimed and Cinderella's carriage turned back into a pumpkin.

As it was, we made love until we were both happy and then fell asleep cuddled in each other's arms. I drifted away into dreamland hoping that meant she knew we had all the time in the world to resume. I thought that meant she was going to break up with Ryan and get back together with me in the morning.

I thought wrong.

SATURDAY, APRIL 17, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"I need to think about this."

It was nearing 10am, and fully dressed, Dawn and I were sitting on the sofa. In another few minutes, Ryan would return and our fantasy night would be over. I had hoped we would be reunited, and together tell Ryan that Dawn was breaking up with him. But clearly I underestimated the strength of their relationship.

"What's there to think about?" I complained. "I love you. You love me. We belong together, Dawn."

"Says who? Our parents?"

"US," I said emphatically. "You and me. Can you really tell me you've ever felt as in tune with Ryan as you did with me last night? Can you really tell me he's ever made you feel like I did last night?"

"That's sex," Dawn shook her head. "Sex was never our problem. And you have an unfair advantage in that department over every guy I've ever known."

I canted my head and implored her to understand. "It's more than sex and you know it. You told me that satisfaction for a girl was more about the connection than about orgasms. Last night was really something special."

She sighed. "Last night doesn't erase the reasons why I chose Ryan in the first place. He's stable. He takes care of me. I'm not sure I'm ready to throw all that away."

"Not even for me? C'mon, Dawn. Don't you feel it? We need to be around each other like we need air to breathe. Our bodies scream to be with each other, as if our pheromones are specially-designed. The mere thought of you moving away again was enough to put me into a deep depression two weeks ago, and having you this close to me again is driving me CRAZY. C'mon. I thought this was supposed to be our chance to be together again? No longer 500 miles apart. No longer apart, period. You and me ... Ben and Dawn ... forever."

"It was a dream."

"Not a dream; it's our future. Look, I know we got things really complicated with Adrienne and Ryan. And I know I was messed up after breaking up with Adrienne. But this is what we always wanted, wasn't it? I know it took me a while to come back to you, but I'm coming back to you now. Isn't that what YOU always wanted?"

"Ben..."

"You promised me you'd wait for me. That last night at camp, you surrendered to me. You told me you were already mine."

She sighed and put her head down. "I was young. And I was in love."

"And now?"

"Now? I'm just not sure anymore."

A noise at the door interrupted me from saying anything further. It was Ryan, working at undoing whatever he'd done to jerry-rig the lock.

It was over. The carriage was really turning back into a pumpkin. I sighed and looked back at Dawn, who simply stared at me apologetically. "I just need some time, okay?"

What choice did I have? I let out a long exhalation. And then I nodded my understanding.

Being girls, Adrienne and Paige started pestering me for details the instant I walked through the door. And even though I was usually a very open and sharing kind of guy with the girls close to me, today I was just a plain "guy", not really giving anything away. I explained that yes, Dawn and I spent the night together. No, we weren't back together. And I didn't give them any more details beyond that.

I didn't tell them about Ryan setting us up or locking us in the apartment. And I didn't explain what was going to happen in the future. How could I when I didn't have a clue?

Adrienne took the hint that I wasn't ready to talk just yet. Paige was a little bit more annoying, but eventually she left me alone. I simply took a shower and changed into fresh clothes. And then not wanting to deal with more questions, I left the house to go for a walk.

There are really only two things you can do when killing time by walking: either cruise around the campus, admiring the architecture and greenscapes; or go window shopping down Telegraph or College or some other trinket shopping areas.

I'm not sure why I decided to go window shopping. Maybe it was because I didn't feel like being around the campus, seeing the other students and potentially the happy couples walking around the greenery on a Saturday. The campus would certainly be the prettier place to kill some time and lose oneself in thought.

But I ended up on Telegraph, moving in and out of random shops. I would pick up a couple of books in a bookstore, flip through the pages without really reading them, and then put the book back. I would scan through some clothing at a boutique, idly wondering if a particular shirt was more something Adrienne might pick out for me or something Dawn would appreciate better. I didn't have any real purpose. I was just stalling for time, trying to keep myself marginally occupied until Dawn figured out what she wanted to do. Or maybe I was hoping some brilliant flash of insight would hit me and tell me what to do.

But nothing concrete came to mind, at least nothing serious. One idea was to challenge Ryan to a fight to the death with the winner getting to keep Dawn. Another idea was simply to show up and demand that she choose him or me, threatening to walk away from her forever.

Or maybe I just had to give her the time she needed. I knew Dawn and I knew she wasn't one to be easily swayed by others. When she made up her own mind, she made up her own mind. Now that she knew I wanted her back and was ready to be with her again, I could only hope that she would choose me on her own.

But was I already too late? They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone. I hadn't realized how much I took for granted that Dawn would wait for me forever. And now that I didn't have that certainty anymore, I desperately wished I could have come to this realization long ago. And it was depressing to think that I may have missed out on the greatest love of my life.

I happened to be in a hippie store when that particular depressing thought struck me. I closed my eyes and tried to will away the negative thoughts; but the harder I tried, the more they stuck with me. When I opened my eyes again, I looked around at all the drug paraphernalia on the walls, and the idea of dulling my brain with some illegal narcotics sounded really, really good to me.

"Prince Charming? Never thought I'd see you in a place like this."

The voice was familiar. I stood up straight and turned around to see Carter Sheridan grinning at me while holding an expensive-looking, elaborate hookah. "Carter?"

"Wow, man. You look like shit," he smiled while reaching a hand out to shake. "Girl problems?"

I shook his hand and shrugged. "Something like that."

"Sleeping Beauty giving you a hard time?"

I chuckled at Carter's continued use of our Halloween character names. Thinking back to that party so long ago, I shook my head and replied, "Cinderella, actually."

He gave me a quizzical look. "Sleeping Beauty know about you and Cinderella?"

I laughed and waved him off. "Yes, yes. It's ... well, it's complicated."

"I'll bet. You know it's funny I've run into you. Elyse was asking me about you guys the other day."

"Really?"

Carter nodded and shot me a disappointed look. "You never showed when we invited you to my party last November."

I winced. "Sorry, man. Uh, had another girl-conflict."

"Cinderella?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

I blushed and looked down, thinking of DJ. "Ah, Cinderella's little sister, actually."

Carter whistled. "Man, you do get around, don't you?"

I shrugged. "It's-"

"Complicated," he finished for me. "I'm getting the impression there isn't very much that's simple in your life."

I held up my hands. "What can I say?"

Carter chuckled and shook his head. "Well, if your life isn't so complicated that you're busy tonight, why don't you come up to my place? We're having a little get together and someone with as ... complicated ... a life as yours would fit right in."

There was something else in the way Carter said that I would 'fit right in', and I arched an eyebrow. My curiosity piqued, I thought about it and answered, "Sounds interesting. When and where?"

Carter put the hookah down and whipped out a Blackberry. "What's your number?"

I gave it to him and a second later, I got a text message with the address and time. I nodded a confirmation.

"You gonna flake on me this time?" he asked with a grin.

I shook my head. "Naw, man."

He nodded. "And bring Sleeping Beauty. I'm sure Elyse would love to catch up with her. Or Cinderella ... or her little sister ... or whoever..." Carter couldn't help but start laughing as he kept going. But then with a serious look, he stood up and clapped my shoulder. "Or just come alone." His eyebrows made clear that this might be the best option for me. "Believe me, I'm sure you'll find plenty to keep you entertained. Why bring sand to the beach, right?"

With a head nod, Carter picked up his hookah and walked past me to pay for it, then headed out the front door. I just stayed back, looking around, wondering what crazy turns my life would take next.

As it turned out, my best option for a wingman to Carter's party was Bert Kim. My first choice would have been Adrienne, but she had already planned to go schmooze at some modeling shindig in San Francisco. And pregnant Paige had no interest in going out socially. But Bert was single and still looking to stretch his wings socially; and he happened to be available tonight.

Bert drove up from his home and picked me up for the short drive into the hills southeast of the campus. It was a longer drive up Claremont than I'd expected, winding our way around smaller streets until coming to the address. The place was hard to miss, a relatively isolated mansion with a dozen cars already parked in the driveway and along the curbs nearby. Bert parallel parked and then we got out, looking down the mountain at the city lights of Berkeley spread out below.

Somewhere out there was Dawn's apartment. I wondered what she was doing right now. I wondered what she was thinking. She hadn't called me all day, and the longer I didn't hear from her, the more I started to believe she was permanently choosing Ryan over me. And I wasn't quite sure how to take that.

Dawn was the reason I was up here. Yeah, Carter invited me and it seemed likely that Elyse would be here. But neither of them were my friends and I certainly had no idea who else would be around. Like the aimless window- shopping, I only hoped to distract myself long enough to ride out whatever was to come. Whether Dawn wanted to get back together with me or not didn't really matter. I just wanted to survive this limbo before the decision. Once she made her choice, I could then move forward and deal with the consequences.

"You ready for this?" I arched an eyebrow at Bert across the car when we got out.

"Locked and loaded." He grinned.

"Does that mean what I think it means?"

Bert flashed me another smile and circled around the car, strutting with all the confidence of a preening rooster.

I chuckled to myself and shook my head. Ever since the night of the Swingers Party, Bert had been a changed man. It may have been a one-time thing between friends, but apparently nailing girls as hot as Dawn and Gwen and still surviving did wonders for a guy's self-confidence.

Then I remembered that I'd nailed them both too, and taking a deep breath, I let my own self-confidence shine through as I followed after Bert and headed for the house.

The front door was open when we arrived and stepped inside. The house was quite large, maybe not as big as Mizuho's dad's mansion on the Newport Coast, but it was still pretty damn big. People were out in the backyard, where an infinity pool built on a massive redwood platform looked like it dropped right off the cliff to the city below.

It was a very low-key party. Nobody was dancing, nor was there any dance music. Down tempo beats throbbed in the background while people clustered together in conversational groups. To my surprise and pleasure, there was a very high female-to-male ratio around, about 3-to-1. It was something I was familiar with after all the time spent at my own house stocked with Dayna's and Brandi's hot friends. But even with that history, I was amazed at the sheer beauty of many of these girls. Carter certainly had a lot of hot friends, many of whom would have looked right at home at some glitzy, celebrity-tabloid bash hosted by Paris Hilton. Still, I realized that I didn't recognize anyone, and neither did Bert. And feeling just a little bit out of place, we started cruising around looking for a familiar face.

Fortunately, Carter found me. "Prince Charming! You made it!" He appeared out of nowhere and clapped me on my back. Standing about three inches taller than me, the guy was dressed as if he was heading out to a nightclub, wearing slacks, a tailored shirt, expensive "bling", and a Rolex watch. His dark hair was messy and he carried himself with the comfortable ease of someone who knew exactly what was going on in his life.

Without missing a beat he turned to my companion and offered a hand. "Carter Sheridan. Welcome to my house."

"Bert Kim," Bert shook his hand. "Nice digs."

Carter waved him off. "This is nothing. You should see my parents' place."

Bert shrugged and we both looked at Carter. Almost smugly, our host scanned around us, his eyes lighting up as he looked over at the beautiful young women wearing flattering cocktail dresses around us. Bert and I automatically found ourselves doing the same. And along the way, I realized that they were a bit older than the girls I usually hung out with, although I did identify some that seemed college-aged.

A moment later, Carter leaned in conspiratorially and dropped his voice. "Let me introduce you. But first thing, I usually don't hang out with anyone younger than me. Some of these people are old friends and I don't want to ruin my rep. So if anybody asks, you guys are Seniors, like me. Capisce?"

Bert shrugged. I frowned.

Carter took one look at me. "Come on. Little white lie never hurt anyone."

"Sure." I shrugged. "No big deal."

Carter clapped my shoulder and then turned us toward a group of six girls. "Let's go."

All conversation dropped as Carter approached with us in tow. The girls in question smiled and fawned over him as if he were a rock star. A bold one even reached out and pulled him into her lap, causing him to chuckle and her to giggle flirtatiously. It was at that point that I noticed the six girls were sitting on contemporary-style chairs and chaises around a table on which an elaborate hookah was placed. And a second later I realized that I recognized the hookah. "Is that... ?" I began, pointing.

"Yep. Same one I picked up this morning," Carter replied while nodding to me. "Gentlemen, allow me to introduce Zoë, Beth, Jillian, Tasha, Nikki, and Madison. Ladies, I'd like you to meet Prince Charming. He's a special friend of mine."

"Prince Charming?" Jillian, a very sexy girl with dark eyes and dyed-platinum blonde hair asked seductively.

"Well, you can call him 'Ben'," Carter shrugged. "And the handsome devil in the red shirt is Bert."

"Bert and Ben," Nikki, a pretty redhead mused. She giggled as if our names were the funniest thing she'd heard in a long time.

"Well I like 'Prince Charming' better," the platinum-blonde replied and grinned at me salaciously, leaning forward subtly to thrust her big bosoms over her low-cut top.

"You be careful around Jillian," Carter warned as he reached over and patted the blonde's knee. "She'll eat you alive." He grinned. "But then again, I think that's exactly why I brought you here. You dig blondes, right?"

I smiled and gave myself plenty of eye contact with Jillian. But I diplomatically replied, "I dig all kinds."

"So does Carter," blonde Tasha giggled and patted Carter's leg while he sat in her lap. "Of course, the brunettes have most of the fun." She reached out and slapped Madison's leg.

As if on cue, Madison grabbed the business end of the hookah and proffered it over to Carter. "Want a hit?"

"Sure thing." Carter leaned forward and sucked on the pipe. From the way he closed his eyes and savored the sensations, I got the impression he was using some really good herbs ... or it wasn't tobacco in there.

He head nodded to me next. "Charming?"

In my current mood, I figured 'What the heck?' Besides, I didn't want to let down my host. So I took a hit and soon my lungs were filled with the half-remembered taste of marijuana. I hadn't smoked pot since that Spring Break at Candy's La Jolla house three years ago, but the familiar flavor came back to me all the same.

I passed off the hookah to Bert, who looked at it nervously before steeling himself and moving forward purposefully. Jillian, the hot blonde scooted to the side of her armless chair, patting the empty space in invitation to me.

Still figuring, 'What the heck?', I took the spot and immediately felt the pleasant presence of a beautiful girl moving her body against mine. And as the mind- altering drugs went to work in my bloodstream, I decided to kick back and just let the world float away.

"Mmm..."

"Nnnghhh..."

Youuuuu ... are my Angelll...

Massive Attack's "Angel" thudded quietly, but inexorably, in the background, seeming to grab hold of my heartbeat and make it pulse along with its measured — but purposeful — bass beats.

I was high. I wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed; it felt like days although it couldn't have been nearly that long. I was sure that an extremely attractive hot blonde with big tits was rubbing herself against me, nuzzling herself against the crook of my neck and fondling my crotch.

The tits were fake. I knew that from the feel of them beneath my hands. Actually, a lot of things about Jillian were fake. Her platinum hair was a dye-job. Her eyelashes were too long to be real. The nose I wasn't sure about, but her lips definitely had the consistency of Botox. But you know what? I didn't care. Maybe it was because I was high. Maybe not. Guys just like beauty, and sometimes we really don't give a shit how that beauty is obtained.

Her fingers were real enough, and they traced lightly over the scar on my left cheek. "I'll bet this has a story," she purred.

Feeling good, I just shrugged and explained, "Bullet."

"Bullet?" Jillian pulled her head back sharply. "You got shot?"

"Mmm-hmm," I hummed, languorously letting my head loll back. "Defending the woman I loved."

"No shit!"

I shook my head, momentarily thinking of Adrienne. "No shit."

Jillian quivered as if she'd had an orgasm right then and there. "Oh, I have GOT to fuck you tonight."

"Wha-?" I picked my head up, not expecting that kind of statement to come so blatantly from the busty platinum blonde.

Jillian just giggled, shaking her body flirtily and bending over to show me her tits while standing up. "I'll be right back," she purred into my ear and then turned around.

"Where do you keep going?" I pouted playfully as I stared at her perfectly formed ass. I was already fantasizing about fucking the skinny bitch up her anal chute.

She giggled and then wiggled her butt at me, barely covered by her mini-dress. "Just freshening up." And then she sashayed away, walking like a runway model.

I grinned and then sat back, thinking about fucking her ass again. It seemed likely both from her comments and behavior. Plus, I didn't know exactly what Jillian was doing to freshen up, but every time she came back she was wired with more energy, and a lot more physically aggressive with me. And it wasn't from the pot, as she wasn't smoking from the hookah at all. I got the distinct impression that whatever she was on, it was a lot stronger than marijuana.

I realized then that I needed to pee. I glanced at Bert, just checking to make sure he was okay. My good friend currently had redheaded Nikki straddling his lap with her tongue buried in his throat while Ukrainian-blonde Tasha was nibbling his ear. Yeah, Bert was doing just fine.

Then I got up and headed around, looking for the bathroom.

In a pot-induced stupor, I got a little lost before finally finding an open door with a gleaming porcelain toilet on the other side. I did my thing and then carefully wiped myself up. I might be using my penis later and wanted to be clean out of courtesy. And then I promptly got a little lost on the way back. I found myself in a hallway, looking left and right and not sure which way to go when Carter himself turned the corner and smiled at me. "You okay, Prince Charming?"

I shrugged and grinned, perhaps a little too widely. "I'm perrrfect, man," I slurred. The euphoria of my high was dying down to leave nothing but the mellowness. Time for another hit.

Carter clapped me on the arm and looked like he was going to say something, but I beat him to it by arching an eyebrow and asking, "Hey, where's Elyse? I feel bad stopping by this party and not saying 'hi'."

Carter looked at me seriously for a second before folding his arms across his chest and asking, "Just how well do you know Elyse?"

I shrugged. "Went to school together."

"I know that. What I meant was: Did you know her? Or did you know her?"

I chuckled and thought back to the Spring Break in La Jolla. With a sly smile, I grinned. "Well, I guess you could say I knew her. We partied together a bit."

Carter chuckled right along with me and nodded. Then he clapped my back and turned me around. "Come on. I'll show her to you."

We walked down the hallway and to a set of stairs, leading down to a lower level. But even though we'd gone down one floor, we still had a view over the city as this end of the house dropped over the side of the hill. And with another turn, Carter winked at me and led me into a darkened room. But even though the room's lights were off, a gigantic window was cut into a side wall, giving us a perfect view into the adjoining bedroom that was well-lit. And my jaw dropped as I looked through the window and realized who was on the other side.

Elyse Laughton, ex-Cheerleading Captain and ex-hottest babe of my old High School, was buck naked on a King-sized bed save for a studded leather collar around her neck. Her eyes were unnaturally twitchy, making me think she was on some sort of drug. In this house, I wouldn't be surprised. Her natural D-cups were still buoyant and firm, sagging to the sides while she lay back across the bed. The hard pink nipples were prominent, making MY mouth water as I looked at them. She seemed skinnier than she used to be, her flat abs obvious but so were some of her ribs. Her bare-shaven pussy was glistening with moisture. Her creamy white skin already was covered by a fine sheen of sweat. And she was panting and licking her lips in obvious sexual arousal.

I was silent as I stared at her naked body, Big Ben screaming to climb out of my shorts. I wondered what was going on, but Carter was just staring intently as well, obviously waiting for something. So I kept quiet and waited, too.

A minute later, the door to the hallway opened and three well-built guys walked in, all looking to be in their late 20s. Carter was sitting at a desk before the big window. As the three guys started disrobing, his breath started speeding up and a little grin spread across his face.

But Elyse wasn't smiling. She whimpered and then turned to look at us through the window. Well, she didn't quite stare straight at us; I got the impression the window was mirrored on the other side. But she complained, "Carter, three? You said I'd only have to do two!"

He reached forward and hit a button, speaking into a microphone on the table in front of him that I didn't realize was there. "You want another bump for the rest of your life? It's gonna be three tonight, sugar."

Then Carter grinned and turned back to me. With the microphone off, he added, "I could make it four, if you're up to it."

I blinked in surprise for a second as the implications of what Carter was offering me sank in. He wanted me to go in and join the other three guys in gangbanging his girlfriend. But the instant the idea of sex entered into my head, I realized that I didn't want to.

I was still waiting on Dawn.

Yeah, I'd come to this party. Yeah, a ridiculously hot babe in Jillian had been making obvious moves on me all night. And yeah, I was freaking horny, but now that I stopped and thought about it, all I really wanted was Dawn.

Besides, Elyse didn't want three guys right now. And the last thing I wanted to do was be with a girl who didn't want me. I didn't know what the deal was between Elyse and Carter, but I figured I'd better not get myself mixed up in the middle of it. "Pass," I said slowly as I took a seat alongside him.

"What?" Carter frowned. "Thought you said you already knew her. What's the big deal?"

I shook my head, puffing out my chest and putting on a false bravado. "I don't do sloppy seconds. Not my kind of ratio. Now put me in a room with three or four girls, and I'll make every single one of 'em pass out from pleasure overload."

"Tough talk," Carter smirked and whistled. Raising his eyebrows, he said, "I just might make you prove it."

I chuckled and waved my hand, looking forward. Carter turned forward as well. The gangbang was already under way.

One guy was between Elyse's legs, munching furiously and causing her hips to buck and twitch and shudder. At the other end, the two guys were kneeling next to her head, dicks out while she held one in each hand, stroking rapidly.

One of the guys moved forward, prodding his prick at her lips. Elyse turned her head away in disgust, muttering something. In my mind's eye, I heard her voice from years ago telling me, "I NEVER suck cock."

As if in response, Carter leaned forward and stabbed the microphone button. "Do it, Elyse."

"Carter..." she whined.

"DO IT, sugar," he ordered.

Whimpering, she opened her mouth and accepted the prick inside. With obvious distaste she started sucking the first guy. She kept stroking the second guy. The third guy between her legs kept eating. And after a few more minutes, Elyse started moaning around the meat filling her mouth.

Disgusted or not, Elyse was clearly aroused and quite horny. She couldn't keep her body still, as her legs wiggled haphazardly and her torso undulated in little rolls as she tried to hump the third guy's face. Smacking her lips, she switched from one dick to the next, inhaling it and moaning like a whore as she passionately began sucking the second guy. And as if she couldn't control herself, her body started going into spasms as she ramped up to a climax and then blew, locking her legs around the third guy's neck and screaming in exquisite agony.

I found that my breathing was shallow as I stared through the one-way mirror, unable to look away. That twitchy look in Elyse's eyes haunted me as she stared vacantly in our direction, panting as she came down from her orgasm while the three guys pulled away and started repositioning her body. The one who had been eating her out rolled over onto his back and pulled her with him, so that she was limply lying on top of his chest. He fisted his hard erection and grabbed onto her hips, adjusting her crotch until her cunt was centered over his cockhead; and then he yanked her down, impaling her on his prick.

Elyse groaned and picked her head up, panting softly and already beginning to moan like a bitch in heat. Her eyes sharpened and she stared down at the guy she was fucking, a laser focus on his face. But her urgent humping motions were stilled as the other guys grabbed her and stopped her. One of them spread her buttcheeks while the other produced a bottle of lube, squirting a glob into her ass and then pushing two fingers inside to start coating her innards. Elyse moaned and put her head down, turning it to the side to stare at the mirror. From the way she grimaced and quivered, it looked like she might be orgasming again from the sensations. And once again, I found that strange look in her eyes to be quite distracting.

"What's she on?" I asked quietly.

Carter was breathing heavily and I realized he had a hand in his slacks, jerking himself off. Without missing a beat, he glanced at me and said, "Crystal Meth. I only get the best shit. Girls turn into total nymphomaniacs on the stuff. Long as you keep 'em hydrated, they can fuck all fucking night. It's truly a thing of beauty."

My eyes went wide. I'd done some pot, but never considered doing anything quite so hardcore. I'd never even been around someone on such a powerful narcotic, but Carter tossed it off as if this were an everyday occurrence for him.

Meanwhile, the first guy lubed himself up and eased himself into Elyse's ass. The guy in her cunt held her hips still, and the room was filled with the sounds of her moans. But a minute later, the last guy shoved his dick back into her mouth, completing the triple penetration and cutting off Elyse's moan.

"Beautiful..." Carter breathed.

My chest suddenly felt constrained. I didn't know whether to feel ridiculously turned on beyond belief or scared out of my wits. I'd gotten into some crazy sex games with Dayna's blindfolds and Robin's swingers game, but this was NUTS. Crystal Meth? Organized gang-bangs?

"Ungh! Ungh!" The guy fucking Elyse's face held her head in place while he took great big thrusts, clearly ramming himself down her throat.

"HRRRRRRK!!!" Elyse was grunting around a mouthful of prick as she climaxed again. "HRK! HRK! HRK!" Her body was being jostled and jerked in every direction by a cock pumping up her ass, another one thrusting into her cunt, and a third pushing her head around.

"TAKE IT, BITCH! TAKE IT!" The ass-fucker was screaming, holding her cheeks apart and pounding her without mercy.

"Oh, FUCK!" The pussy-fucker grunted, his face screwing up and turning bright pink as he tried to hold back. But it was to no avail as he suddenly gasped and gritted his teeth, his abs obviously clenching as he pumped his load into Elyse's snatch.

The others didn't miss a beat. No sooner had the pussy-fucker gone slack than the ass-fucker grabbed Elyse and rolled himself over onto his back, keeping Elyse's body against his crotch so that he was fucking her from below. She planted her feet on top of the mattress, using the leverage to hump her own asshole up and down the column of man-flesh lodged up her rectum. The guy who'd been fucking her face circled around the bed and knelt between her legs, spreading them to the sides before shoving himself into her sloppy pussy. And after a couple of minutes to catch his breath, the third one who'd already spent his load into Elyse's cunt got up and stood over her head, yanking on her hair to force her to clean him off with her mouth and then start sucking him back to hardness.

Carter was groaning and jerking himself a little harder. Panting softly, he reached out to a different button and pressed it before speaking into the microphone. "Cameron, you there?"

A speaker from the wall blared to life. "Yes, Carter," came the smokily seductive voice.

"Get in here. Hurry." Still panting, he then looked over at me, as if only now remembering I was there. Pressing the button again, he added, "Is Jillian still there?"

"No," came the reply from the speaker. "She already went back upstairs."

"Send someone to bring her back down," Carter grunted. And with a gleam in his eye, he smiled and added, "Get Rebecca wired and send her down, too." And then everything went silent as he turned to look through the mirror once again.

The triple-penetration continued. Ass-fucker was clearly in charge, grunting orders to the other two while he continued reaming out Elyse's ass. He thrust for a while, then paused to catch his breath and perhaps conserve his energy, just holding onto Elyse's hips and keeping her pinned with his cock at full depth through her colon. The second guy continued humping away at her pussy, holding her legs just beneath the knees, keeping her spread beneath him while he slobbered all over her big tits, biting and sucking purely for his own enjoyment. And the third guy was hard again, jerking on Elyse's hair to force her to keep sucking on his cock while he threw his head back and grunted happily.

Just then, the door to the hallway opened and a strikingly gorgeous brunette walked in. Fully six feet tall, even taller in high heels, she was a vision of beauty with angular emerald-green eyes and strong cheekbones. Her body was sleek, built for speed. Her tits were proportional, full without being large. Her hips were likewise curved without being wide. Standing in a black cocktail dress that was cut short enough to show off her long, loooong legs, she looked like a supermodel stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine and into real life. She even had the vacant look down pat. Her face was a mask of stillness, like a robot, though she walked with fluid grace of a dancer. And for a brief second, her eyes fell on me, simultaneously sending a chill and a thrill down my spine.

Just as quickly, I was ignored. The surpassingly beautiful woman didn't even glance at the one-way mirror, her attention entirely on Carter as she approached and touched his shoulder.

He turned and breathed, "Cameron..." with a warm smile. And then he grunted with obvious need.

Wordlessly, she moved around and sank to her knees. Carter rolled his chair back from the desk, his eyes still locked through the mirror at the sex act in front of him. And with a glimmer of arousal in her sparkling green eyes, Cameron leaned down, opened up Carter's slacks, and promptly inhaled his big dick to the root.

It didn't take long. The three guys were approaching their final stages before orgasm, and so was Carter. The guy fucking Elyse's cunt stiffened and groaned as he began splashing her innards with their second blasts of spunk. The guy fucking her face pulled out and began hosing down her eyes, nose, and cheeks. And the guy fucking her ass from below bellowed as he loosed a volley of cum up her rectum. And through it all, Elyse herself was shrieking a monster orgasm of her own.

"CAMERON!" Carter started yelling beside me as he threw his head back. White- knuckled, he gripped the armrests as if his life depended on it. His hips jerked off the seat, plunging his cock deeper into the gorgeous brunette's throat.

For her part, Cameron merely bobbed her head with his abrupt thrust, taking it easily. And then I watched her throat muscles contracting rapidly as she swallowed every drop of his spending.

The room went silent.

Both rooms.

In the bedroom, Elyse rolled over and flopped flat on her face, her raven-black hair covering her entire head as she splayed out with haphazard limbs, leaking jizz from her abused holes. For a second, I thought she might not be breathing, but after another few moments she turned her head to the side and gasped quite obviously. The three guys slumped back wherever they happened to be, similarly winded.

In this room, the "Voyeur Room" as I'd come to think of it, Carter went silent, his eyes closed as he simmered in the blissful relief of his own orgasm. Sitting back on her heels, Cameron quietly licked her lips and braced her hands on Carter's knees before pushing herself back up to a standing position, waiting at attention for his next command while looking completely relaxed at the same time.

In fact, everyone around me was completely relaxed. But I wasn't. I was terribly aroused by all the sex acts in front of me, my dick straining in my shorts with urgent need. Pending new relationship or not with Dawn, my body was SCREAMING at me to find someone to fuck and find it NOW. And with how incredibly gorgeous Cameron was, standing there just a couple of feet away from me, I thought that only my respect for Carter as my host would prevent me from bending her over and screwing her brains out.

But something else stopped me cold. A chime sounded off in my pocket, the ring tone immediately familiar.

It was Dawn.

In the span of a second, the world around me ceased to be.

I stood in a void of pure white, a vast emptiness in which nothing existed but me and the phone I held in my hands. I didn't see the room around me. I didn't see the house. I didn't see the people nearby.

Just me.

And my phone.

It was another text message, not a phone call. I was almost too scared to open it. Why was Dawn sending me a text? Why wasn't she calling me herself? The hairs on the back of my neck stood up in trepidation. A text couldn't be a good sign. If she had good news for me, she would have called. To send a text meant that she was afraid of confrontation, afraid to hear the pain in my voice, right?

My lower lip quivered and my thumb was shaky as I pressed the "Read" button. And then I deflated instantly as all air evacuated out of my body.

We are not getting back together. I'm in love with Ryan.

DAWN

SATURDAY, APRIL 17, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"I need to think about this, Ben."

It was nearing 10am, and fully dressed, Ben and I were sitting on the sofa. Last night had been a fantasy, an escape to an earlier time when the world was just Ben and me and we could dream about "eternity". We were just kids, then. There was also a time when we wanted to be Astronauts. But now we were grownups. And in another few minutes, Ryan would return and our fantasy night would be over.

"What's there to think about?" Ben complained. "I love you. You love me. We belong together, Dawn."

It was the same thing I'd told myself a thousand times. But whose words were those? "Says who?" I asked. "Our parents?"

"US," Ben said emphatically. "You and me. Can you really tell me you've ever felt as in tune with Ryan as you did with me last night? Can you really tell me he's ever made you feel like I did last night?"

"That's sex, Ben." I shook my head. "Sex was never our problem. And you have an unfair advantage in that department over every guy I've ever known."

Ben stared at me pleadingly, imploringly. "It's more than sex and you know it. You told me that satisfaction for a girl was more about the connection than about orgasms. Last night was really something special."

I sighed and bit my lip. "Last night doesn't erase the reasons why I chose Ryan in the first place. He's stable. He takes care of me. I'm not sure I'm ready to throw all that away."

"Not even for me? C'mon, Dawn. Don't you feel it? We need to be around each other like we need air to breathe. Our bodies scream to be with each other, as if our pheromones are specially-designed. The mere thought of you moving away again was enough to put me into a deep depression two weeks ago, and having you this close to me again is driving me CRAZY. C'mon. I thought this was supposed to be our chance to be together again? No longer 500 miles apart. No longer apart, period. You and me ... Ben and Dawn ... forever."

"It was a dream."

"Not a dream; it's our future. Look, I know we got things really complicated with Adrienne and Ryan. And I know I was messed up after breaking up with Adrienne. But this is what we always wanted, wasn't it? I know it took me a while to come back to you, but I'm coming back to you now. Isn't that what YOU always wanted?"

"Ben..."

"You promised me you'd wait for me. That last night at camp, you surrendered to me. You told me you were already mine."

I sighed and hung my head. "I was young. And I was in love."

"And now?"

"Now? I'm just not sure anymore." Except that I was sure. I HAD to do this. I had to stay with Ryan. It was a decision I'd come to over the past two years, and no single night of bliss with Ben should sway that decision. This was it. This was the end of me and Ben.

But then why wasn't I telling him that now? Why was I stalling?

I didn't want to hurt Ben now. We'd just spent a wonderful night together, full of bliss and comfort and happiness in each other's arms. It had been wonderful, like riding the Grizzly at Great America the way we used to do when we were younger and that rickety coaster was the ultimate thrill.

But now the ride was over and our heads were still spinning after the high- velocity drops and lifts. Better to wait a minute to settle ourselves, get our feet under us. THEN I'd tell him.

A noise at the door saved me from having to say anything further right now. It was Ryan, working at undoing whatever he'd done to jerry-rig the lock.

Ben sighed as if his world was coming to an end and looked over at me. I just looked back at him sadly and said, "I just need some time, okay?"

"Do you believe it, yet?" I asked while hugging myself against my boyfriend's chest. We were cuddled in bed together after a pleasant round of lovemaking. I felt it was something we both needed to do right away to reinforce my decision to commit to the only boyfriend I'd ever really known.

Mark had just been "dating" and "experimenting". We went to the movies and to fast food on Friday nights and had make-out/petting sessions on the couch. But there had never been anything serious between us, and I'd never loved him. And of course I remembered how HE turned out.

Ben had been my childhood best friend. We experimented far further than I had with Mark. We also experimented with love, learning as teenagers what love could mean. Through it all was the bond of trust between us, the comfort factor. But the simple fact was that we were only actually "together" at camp. We were never boyfriend/girlfriend out in the real world, spending real, quality time together.

Ryan was that boyfriend. He was the one by my side at all times, and the man I moved in with to live together like we were a married couple. He was the familiar and the reliable. And I was choosing him.

"I still can't believe it," Ryan answered me, rubbing my back. "But I'm trying really hard."

I giggled and then rolled over, crushing my breasts into his chest and reaching my hand down between his legs. "Well then. Let me see if I can do a better job convincing you.."

---

The Text ll - The Complicated Sex Life Of Ben - Chapter 94 by Fireces full book limited free

94 The Text ll

Ryan put down his knife, nudging the grilled chicken aside. Then picking up his spoon, he scooped the vermicelli with garlic and olive oil up on his fork and then planted it against the spoon to twirl it into a neat ball.

One bite later, my boyfriend was smiling at me in satisfaction. "It's delicious, babe."

I grinned happily. I'd gone all out for this dinner, and it felt great to hear that approval. "Glad you like it."

We ate and chatted and generally acted like we had the first couple of weeks we'd been dating. Ryan was on his best behavior, actually helping me bus the dishes and get cleaned up, something he hadn't done in a couple of months now. He was attentive and thoughtful. And it really felt like our relationship was starting fresh, like we'd gone back to the honeymoon phase.

After dinner, we cuddled up on the couch and found that Breakfast at Tiffany's was playing on TV. It was one of my favorite movies and I lay my head on Ryan's shoulder, happily feeling the warmth of his body while delighting in all of Holly Golightly's antics on the screen.

But at the same time, I felt Ryan actually getting more and more tense as the movie went on. I asked him about it once, near the middle, but he shrugged and said he was fine. But I could clearly tell that something was on his mind.

Still, Ryan was a macho kind of guy and prided himself on keeping control over his emotions. Not wanting to upset him, I tried to focus on the movie and knew that he'd talk if and when he needed to. And sure enough, after the credits rolled, Ryan wanted to voice the questions on his mind.

"So when are you going to tell your parents you're moving with me to Fremont?" he began without preamble.

I was just returning to the couch after turning the lights up. I shrugged as I sat back down and looked at the clock. "Uh, tomorrow I guess. It's a little late now."

Ryan glanced at the clock and nodded as well. He sighed and clenched his hands a couple of times. Clearly, whatever he was thinking about right now was the same thing that had been making him tense up during the movie.

"Ryan," I said soothingly, reaching out to take his hand. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath and then looked at me, his blue eyes sharpening. He frowned and paused before finally saying, "I told myself I wouldn't ask you about him, but I have to know. How did Ben take it?"

"Take what? Us?"

Ryan nodded.

I frowned and looked away. "There was nothing to say. You and I are together. He knows that."

"Come on, Dawn. I know you two. I WATCHED him fuck you. Don't tell me more things didn't happen overnight."

"Would you be upset if they did?"

He bit his lip and frowned. But after taking another deep breath he said, "No. I can't be upset when I'm the one who set you two up. Locked you in, even."

"Okay." I shrugged as if that were the end of it.

"So that's it?" Ryan looked at me incredulously. "You two had this intimate night all alone together and everything goes right back to normal?"

"Sure."

"Nuh-uh." He shook his head. "I'm not buying it."

I sighed. "Ryan, I'm not trying to hide anything from you."

"Aren't you?"

"Why would I?"

"I don't know! But I know that all of a sudden you're giving me one word answers and looking very defensive."

"Am not!" I protested and then immediately turned away, realizing just how defensive I WAS looking. I sighed and then finally admitted, "Okay fine. He wanted to get back together."

"And?"

"And what? I'm with you!"

"And I want to know: How did he take it? How did he take you telling him that you were staying with me?"

I exhaled slowly and stared off into the distance. How did he take it? He hadn't taken it at all. Because... "I haven't told him yet," I muttered.

"What?" Ryan leaned forward. I'd muttered so quietly he couldn't quite hear me.

Sighing, I sat up a little straighter and stared at the front door. "I haven't told him yet," I said a little louder.

"What? Why not?"

"I haven't figured out how, just yet."

"WHAT?" Ryan was suddenly behind me, still sitting on the couch. I could feel his presence right behind my back while I was still turned away from him. "What do you mean, you haven't figured out how? He says he wants to get back together. And you tell him 'NO'! It's not that complicated!"

"It IS, Ryan."

"FUCK!" He threw his hands up and stood up from the couch. Pacing away, he turned and glared at me. "I knew this had gone too smoothly. You asked if I could believe it, that we were finally together. The answer is 'NO', I don't believe it."

"Ryan..." I pleaded. "I chose you."

"No you haven't. Not yet. Not until you've told Ben that you're through." He marched over to the table by the door and snatched up my cell phone. Marching right back, he thrust it at me and barked, "Here. Call him. Tell him."

"Ryan, it's complicated."

"No, it's not. Either you're my girlfriend or not, Dawn. Call him."

"I CAN'T yet!"

"Why the fuck NOT?" Ryan thundered.

Staring at him with wide eyes, I just shook my head. I didn't know why not. I really didn't know. But at the very least, Ben deserved for me to talk to him in person. Not on the phone. I couldn't do to him what I'd done last time, which was more or less give him the bad news by voicemail. This was all so much déjà vu. Two years ago, Ryan had been this very same kind of demanding, holding my cell phone out to me and ordering me to tell Ben I wasn't getting back together with him.

Then, feeling the pressure, I'd caved and made the call. Ben didn't pick up. I'd left the voicemail. And everything unraveled after that. Ben got back together with Adrienne. And I nearly lost him at camp.

I couldn't do it again.

I couldn't make the call.

In impotent rage, Ryan shook the phone in front of my face again, finally scowling and turning away when he realized I wouldn't take it from him. He stomped away and turned his face up to the ceiling. "FUCK!" he spat. "This didn't solve anything!"

"What?" I croaked.

"THIS! Last night. Setting you two up and letting him fuck my girlfriend! Didn't change a fucking thing!"

"Of course it did. You know now, Ryan," I pleaded with him. "You wanted to know if you'd lose me to Ben if we slept together. Well you didn't. I'm right here."

"NO!" Ryan turned on me. "I wanted to know if you'd finally clear Ben out of your system and truly be with me! But nothing's changed! You're 'with' me, but a part of you still belongs to him!"

"But I'm WITH you. I'm moving with you to Fremont. I'm telling my parents tomorrow. And I swear I'm going to tell Ben once and for all. I just have to do it my way. Ryan. I'm choosing you!"

"Then CHOOSE me." He stomped up to within a few feet of me, towering over me while I instinctively cowered in my seat. And with cold eyes and a hard mouth, he growled, "I don't want you to hang out with him anymore."

My eyes popped wide open. "What?"

"You heard me. Choose ME. I don't want you hanging around each other."

"Ryan! Ben's my best friend!"

"No more," he bit out. "It's either him or me. What's it gonna be?"

In horror, I shook my head slowly. "Ryan ... don't do this. Don't do this." My jaw quivered and I was in absolute shock at how things had turned. "You give me ultimatums and I'll always resent you for it. You pull shit like this and you WILL lose me."

"I don't LIKE him around you, Dawn."

"That's impossible to change. We both got into the Undergraduate Business Program. We're going to have almost ALL of our classes together for the next two years. And our families are closer than anything! I can't just cut him out of my life!"

"But do you have to spend ALL your time together?"

"We're friends!"

"Well I don't like you as friends!"

"Ryan, please. Isn't it enough that when Ben told me he wanted to get back together, that I chose you? I'm here, right now, with you. After the night I spent with him, I took you right into our bed, made a wonderful meal, and spent all the time I could with you. Please understand," I whimpered.

Ryan growled and turned around, walking away from me. I held my breath, wondering how he would react. Would he understand how committed I was to him?

With his back still turned, he exhaled and said, "I'm José, aren't I?"

"Huh?" I stared at him in bewilderment.

He turned around and said, "You're Holly. I'm José."

It took me a few moments to realize he was referring to Breakfast at Tiffany's. "What?"

"I'm not a rich Brazilian businessman, but I'm what you're telling yourself you want. I'm José. But in the end, you'll go with Paul Varjak, won't you?"

"Ryan," I sighed. "Holly only left José because HE broke it off with her, remember?"

"Oh, so I AM José," he pouted.

"Ryan."

He just shook his head and walked away again. I could read the tension throughout his body as he fought to keep his cool. And after another minute, he came to some decision and then stomped right back over to me. "Fine. Show me you're committed to me."

"How?"

"Throw away the bracelet."

"What?"

"Don't be coy with me. You know what I'm talking about. Second drawer on the left. Silver bracelet. 'Ben Forever' stenciled into the band. Throw it out."

I felt my heart harden. "I won't do that, Ryan."

I watched my boyfriend's jaw clench and jut forward. I watched his eyes drop to mere slits, barely able to contain the rage boiling up inside him. He was pissed off, and it was my fault. Was he really asking so much of me? It was just a cheap piece of metal I'd picked up at a mall kiosk in high school. It was a dedication to an old friend who I'd already declared I wasn't in love with anymore. It was a memento to an ex-boyfriend, something my current boyfriend was asking me to get rid of. Surely I could toss it aside without a second thought.

I can't.

I just can't.

Ryan's nostrils flared with fury. He shook his head in disgust and disbelief. Like it or not, by my actions I was choosing Ben, and I knew it.

"If you love me, Dawn," he pleaded, still glaring at me with righteous anger, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. Ryan was NOT a crier. "If you love me..." he repeated.

"I can't," I croaked and hung my head. I didn't want to lose Ryan, but I just couldn't throw away that bracelet. It meant too much to me.

Ryan gave me one last chance. He took a deep breath and then bent over my phone, quickly tapping out something. A few seconds later, he turned the phone around, showing me the message he'd written:

We are not getting back together. I'm in love with Ryan.

"Hit 'send', Dawn. Tell him now. Tell him for me. Just hit 'send' and I'll know you really mean it."

I whimpered and looked at the phone.

"Just a single button, babe, and I'll believe you've really chosen me. C'mon. This isn't anything you haven't already told me you believe. You love me. You're not getting back together with him. Just press the button."

It really wasn't much he was asking of me. I HAD told Ryan this. All he wanted was the confirmation. So I blinked and nodded to him. He stooped lower and put the phone closer within my reach.

I was nearly hyperventilating as a shaky hand reached up to the phone, index finger outstretched. And just out of reach of the keypad, I took a deep breath and made my decision.

Please forgive me.

BEN

We are not getting back together. I'm in love with Ryan.

The words were seared into my brain. In my mind's eye, I could still see the glow of black characters on a white background, even though I wasn't looking at my phone anymore.

Warm hands stroked my shoulder muscles, soothing and pleasant. Firm thumbs pressed into the base of my neck, rubbing away the tension that had collected there.

I didn't know where I was or how I'd gotten here. I didn't know how much time had passed.

I didn't really care.

I felt the tube pressed to my lips. Out of the void, voices in the air whispered indistinct encouragement. But when I looked down and saw the Pyrex contraption being fed to me, old instincts ingrained in me by my parents woke up just enough for me to push the pipe away and shake my head. "Don't need it," I mumbled.

"You'll feel better," a sweet voice said beside me, just before licking my ear.

The slippery appendage slithering up my outer lobe triggered something deep inside me. Like an incredible, fantastic Great Machine powering up, I felt a hum of energy building from my core, racing along my arteries out to each of my four limbs. Blood roared in my ears. My nerves felt like they were on fire. And dormant muscles inside me awoke, every cell thrumming with intent and purpose.

I knew what I had to do. After all, beside me was a beautiful woman.

And I am a sexual creature.

"Ohhh, baby..." a sweet voice groaned in front of me.

My eyes fluttered open, and after a second I was able to sharply focus on Jillian's surgically-enhanced face. It was moving up and down in my field of vision, rhythmically rising and falling, and my idle mind started spinning as I tried to determine the reason why.

A moment later I realized that the pillow behind her head was also moving up and down, in perfect sequence with her face. Logic then informed me that the girl wasn't moving up and down, I was moving. And then the pleasure from my loins finally made it up into my brain, informing me that my dick was currently sawing in and out of a warm, wet pussy.

"Unghhh..." I groaned and hung my head.

I blinked and realized that I was now focused on two unnaturally perfect spheres of titflesh. The melons were big, and capped by erect, dusky red nipples that were positioned just a little wider than ideal. Amazingly buoyant, they didn't sag at all and in fact, bounced pleasantly up and down in rhythm with my back and forth motions as I jarred Jillian's body on every powerful thrust.

A hand gently stroked down my spine, rubbing me in a circular motion that descended lower and lower along my back. A second later I realized the hand did not belong to the girl beneath me. In fact, both of Jillian's arms were thrown back behind her head, limply sprawled across the bed as she simply absorbed me power-fucking her while whimpering constantly and moaning in heat.

The hand eventually slid down to my ass, cupping my left buttock and pushing forward with my thrusts, adding a little extra force to each lunge. And after a few more pumps, a finger even dipped through my cleft and buzzed over my anus, spurring me extra-hard into Jillian's clasping tunnel. But while the touch was electrifying, my animal mind also found it a bit annoying, and I turned toward the source of the hand and quite literally growled. "Grr... "

A semi-familiar brunette was beside me, her green eyes popping open wide at the expression on my face. My arms moved of their own accord, vaulting me up from my position of hunching over Jillian. And before she realized it, the brunette found her arms locked by my grip as I abruptly tackled her onto her back.

"AAAAHHH!" the brunette shrieked in surprise.

"AAAAHHH!" she screamed again as my cock battered apart her pussy lips on its way into her body.

"OHHHHH!" she started moaning as my hips started pumping again, my hands moving instinctively over her naked body to find pressure points, erogenous zones, and sexual triggers.

I am a sexual creature.

My pelvis was starting to hurt a bit. Whatever cosmetic surgery she'd had, Jillian's ass was all hers. But she was a skinny bitch, living on cigarettes and crystal meth, and her butt didn't have much padding to it. So every time I rammed my cock almost eight inches up her asshole in this doggy-style position, my pelvis slammed into her bony butt hard enough to cause me some pain.

No matter. I was almost done.

The young brunette was already passed out, flat on her back nearby. Unlike Jillian, her body seemed to be all-natural, with her C-cup tits sagging a bit to the sides. Her legs were also spread to the sides, putting her neatly-trimmed pussy on full display, my most recent load of cum still trickling out between her used and abused labia.

I felt the tell-tale pressure telling me my rocks were about to go off. Wanting to finish things now, I trailed the fingers of my left hand up Jillian's arched spine before reaching forward and wrapping my fingers around her neck. I didn't choke her — not exactly — I merely applied a little pressure to her throat, causing her to tense up and start hyperventilating. My right hand left her hip and dipped below, plunging the middle fingers into her sopping wet cunt and digging the heel of my hand against her clit. And with a jerk against her neck and a quick circular rub against her trigger button, the beautiful platinum-blonde bombshell quivered and came. "Oh, Fuuuuuuu-HRK!"

Jillian's voice was cut off when I abruptly raised my hand over her mouth, muffling her scream. I jerked her head back, pulling her upright on her knees until her head was right next to mine. My right fingers stabbed deeply into her pussy right as I rammed my cock up her ass at the same time. The heel of my right hand went nuts against her clit. And in the span of three seconds, her eyes rolled up into her head and she started cumming so hard she looked like she was having a seizure.

I finally relaxed my inner muscles and let the last load flow out of my balls with the same kind of relief as taking a piss after holding it in for way too long. I actually felt the jets hurtling up my shaft to explode inside Jillian's bowels, coating her insides with my cream.

She was already unconscious before I finished sperming her asshole. Done with my sex toy, I shifted my hands around to those spherical tits, using them as handholds to lower her face-down onto the bed. Her ass was still held up in the air, suspended on my deflating cock. But I then took her hips and gently pushed her away from me, extracting myself and finally letting the girl collapse face-down in front of me.

Heaving for breath, I simply sat back on my heels before turning to look at the big mirror to my right. I wasn't sure how I got here, but I recognized the room. And I knew with absolute certainty that Carter had been watching me the whole time.

Sure enough, my host walked through the door a couple of minutes later with Cameron on his arm, and then Elyse close behind them. With a big shit-eating grin, Carter walked right up to the bed and clapped my shoulder. "Fuckin' A man! You said you could do it, and you did!"

I just shrugged, still trying to get my bearings. Glancing around, I noticed that Elyse had a bead of cum still on her chin and catching her eye, I tapped my own chin as an indicator. The raven-haired beauty blushed and then scraped the creamy glob off her chin before looking down in shame.

Carter was talking again. "You've got a gift, pal. I knew Jillian was a freak, but I'd never seen Rebecca blow her top like that before. I could never figure out how to push her buttons; probably why I gave up on her." He was waving at the brunette, still asleep on her back.

I furrowed my eyebrows, still trying to keep up. "Rebecca: Is that her name?"

"Rebecca? Yeah. Don't you remember her? She was my nurse at that first Halloween party." Carter grinned. "I told you back then that if you ever wanted to fuck her, I'd set you up. If you haven't figured it out yet, I get off on watching this shit."

I nodded, thinking about the voyeur room. My head felt thick, and I reached up to hold it gingerly.

"Anyways, thanks for coming." Carter clapped my back again. "You can come party with me anytime."

I sensed the dismissal in Carter's voice at that, so I climbed off the bed and went around retrieving my clothes. A part of me thought I should do something about Rebecca's and Jillian's unconscious naked bodies — at least to cover them up or something — but Carter was already talking again.

"Show Ben where he can get cleaned up," he told Cameron.

Wordlessly, she tilted her head and moved to obey. But before Cameron left him, Carter pulled her close and gently rubbed his cheek against hers with a tenderness I wouldn't have expected. But then he let her go, wrapped his arm around Elyse with his palm on her ass, and then headed out the door.

I found myself wondering exactly what was Cameron's relationship to Carter. After a moment's thought, I realized I'd seen Rebecca upstairs at the party. But I'd never seen Cameron until she showed up in the voyeur room to finish off Carter during Elyse's gangbang. Was she hired help? A close confidant? Even family? Or was she just another in a line of tall, dark-haired, green-eyed babes that Carter seemed to be collecting around him? Elyse was 5'11" with green eyes and almost black hair. Rebecca looked at least 5'9" and had the dark hair and green eyes to match. And Carter had previously stated a preference for brunettes. Perhaps Cameron was just another one of them?

I had no answers and no time to really find them, either, as Cameron came up to me and said in a soft, but still smokily seductive voice, "This way."

Cameron had the kind of voice that would make men do anything, and I was already moving in the direction she was pointing down the hall. A few doors down, she opened up to a bedroom that had an attached bathroom. I saw the shower and when I turned around, she was pulling a fresh towel out of a closet and handing it off to me.

Then backing up and casually gesturing with her left hand, she said, "If you turn right at the hallway, you'll find the stairs back up. Your friend is currently engaged, but he shouldn't be much longer." And then without another word, she sketched a short bow and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Feeling exhausted, sexually drained, and yet not satisfied, I took my clothes back off and went to take a shower.

As I felt the hot spray beating down on the back of my neck, I braced myself against the far wall and closed my eyes, wondering where my life had gone.

I'd done it again. Faced with some sort of emotional anguish, I'd latched onto the nearest female body and tried to drown myself in physical pleasure. My active mind had turned off, and even now I found that I had gaps in my memory where I must have simply reacted without conscious thought. I didn't know what had happened to me between reading Dawn's text and finding myself about to start fucking Jillian. I didn't even remember all of the threesome with the two girls. Rather than stop to analyze how I felt at that moment of emotional pain, I'd shut that part away from me and buried my head in the sand, trying to pretend it didn't exist.

You'd think I'd have figured out by now: It didn't work.

Right now, thinking about Dawn, I wanted to sink to my knees in this shower stall and start sobbing in anguish. The sex had exhausted me physically. But it had done absolutely nothing to cure the ache in my soul.

Who were Rebecca and Jillian? Did they mean anything to me? I used to feel attachments to the girls I'd been intimate with. Even the purely casual ones like Stacey Whitehouse and Helene McGregory in high school, or the Tri-Delts like Lakhi, Jocelyn, and Bridget, had all meant something more to me after we'd slept together. We may not have been close friends or even "regular" friends in the general sense of the word. But I would always remember them and whenever we saw each other, there would be a little look between us of fond memories.

But these girls? They were nothing more than fucks, pure and simple. I didn't even know their last names. If I never saw Jillian again, I wouldn't care. Hell, I didn't even know Rebecca's first name until after I was done using her.

This wasn't playing cat and mouse with the Tri-Delts, both sides getting thrills from the chase. This wasn't even Dayna's blindfold party, anonymous sex with a bunch of casual friends just looking for a good time. If I'd thought that sex was a bit "soulless", then what I'd just done was ... something even less meaningful.

They say that meaningless sex is just a complex form of masturbation. I used to think that was fine. Masturbation feels good. Nobody gets hurt. Why the hell not?

But I'd never before felt ... dirty ... about my form of masturbation. Sure, both Jillian and Rebecca were high on crystal meth, hornier than billy goats, and wanted to fuck me just as much as I wanted to fuck them. Everybody got some good orgasms and nobody got hurt.

But it still felt WRONG.

It was all meaningless. It was all so meaningless. And I found that I couldn't even be happy about what pleasure I'd felt.

What was different this time? The girls? Maybe.

But more importantly, my heart just wasn't in it. My heart was somewhere else.

My heart was with HER.

Somehow, my cell phone had made its way to the nightstand of this bedroom. I certainly hadn't brought it with me; someone must have put it there. Picking it up, I realized that someone had turned it off. So pausing to turn the device back on, I waited for it to boot up. And then the first thing I did was go to my most recent message, and the text appeared on the screen:

We are not getting back together. I'm in love with Ryan.

I had to get Dawn back.

DAWN

Please forgive me.

Slowly, I pulled my finger back away from the phone. I couldn't do it. I couldn't send the text. Not to Ben. Not like this. So hanging my head, I breathed out slowly. And without looking up at Ryan, I said softly, "I'm sorry."

He stood over me for a second. I didn't look up, but I could feel his presence looming. And for the briefest of moments, I felt real fear. I believed that Ryan could never, ever hurt me. But every man has his breaking point and I wondered if I'd finally triggered his. Ryan was 6'2", more powerful than anyone I'd ever known, and he could kill me with his bare hands if he really wanted to. He was snorting like a Spanish bull and out of the corners of my eyes, I could see his whole body shaking. And I closed my eyes and cowered down, waiting to see if he just might lose it.

In the end, Ryan just growled, "Fine."

I looked up to see his face looking meaner and more enraged than ever before. With a sneer he reached out and hit the 'send' button himself, a self-satisfied smirk spreading across his face. And then in a sudden motion that took me completely by surprise, he whirled and threw the phone so hard that it actually tore a hole through the wall of the living room, shattering the phone into little bits of plastic and metal on the floor.

But that was it. There were no more outbursts of rage and the singular violent act seemed to have released the bulk of his tension. But there was still a look of utter disappointment on Ryan's face as he looked at me. And then without another word, he turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

And I was alone.

I didn't move for a long time. Numb, I didn't know what to feel.

I was sad, obviously. I had more or less thrown my relationship with Ryan in the crapper. Did he really ask me for so much? After all, I SAID I was committing to him. How hard could it really have been to just TELL Ben that? How hard could it have been to just throw the cheap bracelet away?

I loved Ryan. I truly did. I hadn't been lying to myself on that point. He made me feel good, feel happy when I was around him. He was my boyfriend and I'd cherished his presence. But I knew without a doubt that our relationship was over. We hadn't said so in words, but I felt it nonetheless. He'd asked me, once and for all, to choose him over Ben. And when pushed to the wall, I'd chosen Ben. There was just no way Ryan and I would ever recover from that.

But that didn't mean that Ben and I would recover, either. We'd spent the better part of three years apart already. Yeah, we'd become close friends again, but I'd been another man's girlfriend for all that time. When he'd broken up with Adrienne, I'd chosen Ryan because I believed Ben wasn't ready. Even when Ben WAS over Adrienne, I hadn't broken up with Ryan to return to him the way I'd promised long ago. And when Ben had spent a wonderful night with me last night and then told me he loved me and wanted to get back together, I hadn't chosen him.

I'd specifically welcomed Ryan back and told HIM I'd chosen him. I couldn't hide that fact from Ben. And knowing that, what would Ben think of me?

Maybe Ben and I shouldn't get back together. At the very least, I was pretty sure we shouldn't get back together right now. As I contemplated this pending future without Ryan, a part of me wanted to run crying into Ben's arms and let his always reassuring presence tell me that he'd protect me and love me forever and ever. But I knew I'd be rebounding just as much as he had with DJ. This time, I was the one who wouldn't be ready to get back together with him. I had to sort myself out first.

And so I would be alone for a little while. No Ryan. No Ben. Just me. The thought filled me with despair.

But then I realized that I would never be truly alone. Even without Ryan, I had people around who cared about me. I had faith that Gwen and Robin would always be my friends, no matter who I was dating. And of course, I had "The Family" at the house just a couple of blocks away. My own big sister Dayna would always be there for me. Well, maybe she would be with Kevin, but she'd be there when I needed her. Brandi would likely be around. And Adrienne, no longer a rival, seemed to have my best interests in her heart as well.

And of course, in my old bedroom, there was Ben.

How would he react? Would he hate me for not immediately dumping Ryan and promising him we would be together again? I wanted to believe that Ben's love for me ran deeper than that, and that we could survive anything. But I just didn't know.

At least I hadn't totally betrayed Ben. I had made some decisions that led me down this path away from him long ago. Faced with multiple chances to turn back to him, or fall deeper into my relationship with Ryan, I'd repeatedly chosen Ryan. But when pushed, I staunchly (or stubbornly) stuck to my heart. Ryan had asked me to stop being friends with Ben, but that just wasn't possible. He'd asked me to throw away the 'Ben Forever' bracelet, but I hadn't gotten rid of that cherished memento. And when told to send Ben the "we're not getting back together" message by text, I hadn't done it. I'd hurt Ben terribly once with a callow voicemail. I couldn't do it to him with something so base as a text message.

AH, SHIT! The text message! Ryan had still sent it! Whether out of spite or anger or whatever, Ryan had still sent it. I HAD to call Ben and tell him it was a mistake. But in horror, my gaze swept to the wall, to the dent in the plaster, and down to the floor at the shattered pieces of what used to be a cell phone.

SHIT!

I was on my feet in an instant, snatching up my purse instinctively as I flew out the door. I nearly fell going down the stairs, only barely managing to grab onto the railing and arrest my descent. A little more carefully, I navigated the remaining steps. But once my feet hit the pavement I was at a dead sprint.

I ran all the way to Ben's house.

This late on a Saturday night, the front door was already locked. Not having a phone to call anyone with, I pounded on the door before it occurred to me to use the doorbell. I didn't care if I woke anybody up. I HAD to find Ben.

Where would I go if I were him? What would I do?

If it were me, and I'd put all my hopes and dreams into getting back together with him, only to find out that after spending a wonderful night with him, he was choosing to go back to his girlfriend, I might very well kill myself. Ben could be pretty melodramatic, and if he were feeling like that, he might even hang himself in his bedroom just to make me walk in and find him like that.

With that morbid thought in my mind, I almost hoped he would do what he always did when faced with this kind of crushing emotional turmoil. That is, I half- expected him to grab Gwen or some other hot babe, drag her into his room, and fuck her brains out until he'd physically exhausted himself. I actually wouldn't give a shit about him fucking someone. That's just what Ben did. I just hoped that was as bad as he got, and I would find him sitting on the edge of his mattress with his heels perched on the bedframe, head in his hands wondering where the hell his life went wrong.

Frantic use of the doorbell finally earned me some attention. The foyer light went on, and then the illumination over the peephole was briefly obscured before I heard the locks opening and the door swinging inward. For a brief second, my heart leaped as I imagined Ben jumping out and grabbing me up in his arms.

"Oh ... Paige," I practically grunted.

The petite redhead was wearing pajamas and rubbing her eyes sleepily, one hand protectively over her belly. "Dawn?" she asked in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"Where's Ben?" I asked hurriedly.

"He's uh, out," Paige waved in the vague direction of the outside world. "Went to a party with Bert."

My heart sank, followed momentarily by the hope that he'd be distracted and wouldn't notice the text message. Maybe if I called him fast enough, I could get in touch with him before he read it and did something stupid. Stepping into the house, I immediately headed in and asked, "Is Adrienne around?"

Now behind me, Paige replied, "No. Went into San Francisco for another party."

"Dayna?"

"Nope."

"Brandi?"

"Just me."

Sighing, I winced and did a slow turn. Of all the people I might have to depend on ... I took a deep breath and looked at Paige with a plea on my face. "Can I borrow your phone?"

"What happened to yours?" she asked suspiciously.

"Broke it. Into a million pieces. Long story. But seriously, I HAVE to talk to Ben."

Paige actually smiled as she looked at me, and then with a slow nod, she led me into Adrienne's bedroom. The day bed had become her regular bed over the past month, and even though she wasn't actually paying rent, the housemates all said she more than made up for it by cooking and cleaning for them. She headed for her purse and pulled out a pink clamshell phone, handing it over.

I quickly snatched it up, and without bothering to try and look up her stored contact for Ben, I started dialing the number from memory. And putting the phone to my ear, I listened anxiously for the rings to tell me the call was going through.

At the same time, I realized that Paige was just standing there, looking at me. I shot her a look, and she rolled her eyes before I realized that I was technically in HER room, late at night when the poor girl had probably been sleeping. Waving her off, I walked out the door and into the living room. And the phone started ringing along the way.

Unfortunately, it went to Ben's voicemail. I quickly hung up and then tried again, getting the same result. A third time confirmed my suspicions. Ben's phone was off. SHIT!

In a mild panic, I left Ben an urgent message to dismiss any text messages he may have gotten from me and to call me as soon as he could. I hung up before realizing I didn't have a phone for him to call me back on, and grimacing I called his voicemail again, this time to tell him to call Paige's cell phone.

And then I raced back into the bedroom to find Paige sitting in bed, waiting for me patiently. "You get a hold of him?"

"No," I said weakly, hearing my own voice cracking. Starting to hyperventilate again, I whimpered. "Do you know where he went?"

Frowning, Paige shook her head. "I'm sorry, but no. They never said where the party was."

I felt ready to cry, but Paige perked up and asked, "Did you try calling Bert?"

My eyebrows shot up and I immediately flipped the phone open again. This time I had to scroll through the address book, this time taking an extra few seconds to figure out how the operating system worked. But eventually I found an entry for "Bert Kim" and dialed it, anxiously awaiting the ringer again.

After four rings, the phone picked up. "Bert! It's Dawn! Where are you guys? I need to talk to Ben!"

All I heard were muffled feminine giggles, along with a distinctly male groan. Then some girl said, "Turn it off, sugar" right before another girl said in an Eastern European accent, "We're not done with you yet!" The phone was quickly silenced, and I was left staring at the screen with a dumbfounded expression on my face. Ben was rubbing off on Bert.

In agony, I sank down to sit at the foot of Paige's bed. She sat up again, and to my surprise, leaned forward and rubbed my shoulder. "It'll be okay, Dawn."

Despondent, I started shuddering in a precursor to crying as I hung my head and whimpered, "No, it won't."

Even more unexpectedly, she leaned forward and wrapped me up in a warm hug. And in a calm, mature voice, she said, "Yes, it will. Ben loves you more than anyone in the universe. It'll all be okay."

Still shuddering, I turned to look at the wide-eyed redhead. We hadn't always gotten along. We were casual friends, but I never really thought much of her relationship with Ben, believing it to be one-sided. I was sure that opinion had colored all of my interactions with her, and out of everyone in the so-called "crew", Paige and I had been the least close to each other. I'd done my best to be supportive of her situation lately. She always seemed like such a young, frightened child, even though I knew she was technically a few months older than me. And she was the last person in the world I ever expected to be comforting me.

Taking a deep breath, I exhaled and turned to Paige. "Do you know about me and Ben last night?"

She took a slow breath and then canted her head to the side. "Not exactly. I mean, I know Ben spent the night with you. But I don't know what circumstances led to it or what went on between you two. Ben was very close-mouthed about it when he got back. All he would say was that the two of you weren't back together. From the tone in his voice, he was hopeful that you would soon, but at the same time he seemed resigned that you wouldn't. He left almost immediately; don't know where he went. But when he came back, he had a party invitation, talked Bert into going with him, and then left right after dinner."

I sighed and nodded. "He did ask me to get back together with him," I said carefully, measuring Paige's reaction. I knew she was still in love with him, and I didn't know how she'd react to that kind of information.

To my surprise, she just nodded. "I figured. He's really in love with you. He's been beating himself up left and right for a while now, thinking he blew his greatest chance to be truly happy."

I arched an eyebrow. "That doesn't bother you?" I asked curiously.

Paige sighed and looked at me with a strange look. She didn't answer for a few seconds, but eventually took a deep breath and replied, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish he'd fall in love with me. I do. But I'm not so naïve as to think I can compete with what he feels for you. I want him to be truly happy, and for that, I think he needs to be with you, one way or another."

I smiled and looked down. "Thank you for that. But I'm not sure things will work out that way."

Paige smiled enigmatically. "Oh, they will eventually."

I frowned. "What makes you say that?"

She smiled again. "You're here, aren't you? Frantically trying to find Ben? You really love him. And he loves you. It's just a matter of time."

I sighed. "I'd like to believe that."

Paige stroked my arm again and gave me a warm smile. "You look like someone who needs to talk. Why don't you tell me what's happened. And we'll see if we can't figure out how you can get Ben back."

BEN

Anxious to get a hold of Dawn, I'd called her three times before realizing that her phone must be off, since everything went straight to her voicemail. I left an urgent message for her to call me back. She'd said she was in love with Ryan, fine. She'd said she wasn't getting back together with me, fine.

I'd change her mind.

She was MY Dawn, and would be until the end of time. I knew if I just had another chance to get in front of her, I could convince her of that.

If only I could get in touch with her.

Bert eventually emerged from some back bedroom, grinning from ear-to-ear and none-too-steady on his feet. He said goodbye to Nikki and Tasha, exchanging tongue-filled kisses with both of them before letting me help him out to his car. I dropped him into the passenger seat and hopped in the driver's side myself.

My phone bleeped abruptly not too far from the house, but since I was doing the driving, I ignored it until I was safely parallel parked on the sidewalk. Then I circled around and helped to get Bert out of the car. I figured I'd dump him on the couch and let him sleep it off to head home in the morning.

Halfway up the front walk, Bert jerked up straight and mumbled that he could make it on his own. I let him stagger up to the front door, and anxious to see what my phone had picked up, I fished it out and saw that I had two voicemails.

Stupid cell phone companies. Why does it take a half-hour for their systems to realize there's a waiting voicemail? So right there, outside of the house, I held down the 1-button and quickly got into my messages. I listened to Dawn's frantic voice, telling me to call her back. And then a few seconds later I got her second message telling me to call Paige, of all people.

FUCK! I quickly thumbed down to my phonebook entry for Paige and started the phone dialing. And with a renewed sense of urgency, I vaulted up onto the front porch and headed into the house, my phone pressed to my ear.

Dawn and Paige were already in the foyer to meet me. Apparently Bert's arrival had alerted them to our presence. And a second later, I found myself wrapped in an unbelievably tight bear hug from the most beautiful woman in the world.

The cell phone clattered to the floor.

My Dawn was back.

[sniff, sniff]

Frowning, Dawn picked her head off of my shoulder and looked at me curiously. And with an arched eyebrow, she asked, "Why do you smell like pot?"

I sighed. This was going to be a LONG talk.

I'd already showered at Carter's, so all I really needed was a change of clothes to get rid of the marijuana smell. I suppose it was just as well that I didn't smell like sex. Although I knew that if I wanted any chance of getting back together with Dawn, I'd have to be completely honest and upfront with her. She just knew me too well and would instinctively know if I was hiding something, and for a conversation as important as this, I wasn't going to take any risks.

Dawn quietly followed me into my bedroom, then both closed and locked the door behind her. I promised to explain the smell while disrobing, unselfconsciously stripping myself completely naked and tossing my clothes into my hamper, and then fishing out a comfortable pair of boxers, pajama pants, and a T-shirt. She simply watched me without arousal or consternation, biting her lip nervously as she processed her own thoughts.

I wanted to know what had led to her sending me that painfully gut-wrenching text message, and to know why she was here with me instead of with Ryan. But I wanted to tell her how I truly felt first. And after sitting on my bed and scooting back to the pillows and headboard, I started my tale.

I hadn't rehearsed what I was going to say or anything, so I was a little disjointed. I started by explaining the smell, how there'd been pot-filled hookahs at the party Bert and I had gone to. The party was hosted by Carter, a guy I'd first met at the Halloween thing our freshman year and run into again this morning. I'd explained to Dawn how I'd gone into a sort of limbo after her pronouncement that she needed time to come to a decision, and that I'd tried to occupy myself by walking around town and then by the party atmosphere.

"I've been trying to keep myself occupied for weeks now, ever since you told me you were moving away from Berkeley with Ryan. I tried to be happy for you. I wanted to put your happiness ahead of my own. But the simple fact is, I'm miserable at the thought of losing you and I'm not going to just stand back anymore," I stated emphatically. "I love you. I want to be with you. And if I have to, I'll fight Ryan to win you back."

Actually saying that out loud got me a little energized, and I was ready to bull ahead with more proclamations of my undying love for her. But Dawn held up her hand to stop me, taking a deep breath before she said, "You won't have to."

I blinked. "What?"

She took another deep breath and said, "Ryan and I aren't going to work out."

I blinked twice. Not believing my ears, I repeated, "What?"

She sighed sadly, closing her eyes which blinked a big tear out to roll down her cheek. And then she repeated, "Ryan and I aren't going to work out."

I was still in shock. "But ... but ... the text message said..."

"Oh, Ben!" Dawn sighed. "When are you going to realize that ANYONE can send a text message? When have I even been big on text messages? They cost extra and we've got plenty of cell minutes. Seriously! I didn't tell you to come over last night and I DIDN'T send you that text message tonight!"

I was blinking rapidly again. "You ... you didn't?"

"No!" Dawn exhaled slowly, tilting her head back and crying to the ceiling.

Ohmigod ... ohmigod ... That means ... That means Dawn DIDN'T choose Ryan. She chose me! She doesn't love him! Ohmyfreakinggawd! The elation spread onto my face and I started grinning widely. Eagerly, I opened my arms and started moving forward to embrace Dawn, MY Dawn.

But just as I started, she held a hand up to stop me. "It's not that simple, Ben. I have a confession of my own." And then she told me what she'd been doing all day.

My heart sank instantly when she confessed she'd gone back to Ryan. It dropped into my stomach when she told me they'd gone to bed together almost right away. And my heart dropped all the way into the shitty areas of my bowels when she told me she had every intention of committing to Ryan and moving away.

But then she told me about Breakfast at Tiffany's and Ryan's somewhat gruff inquiries as to how I'd taken the news. She confessed that she hadn't told me, had merely put me on hold so she could figure out HOW to tell me. And I think I started to see the exact same thing that Ryan had seen in Dawn:

She wasn't really committing.

Dawn had been going through the motions, doing everything she thought she was supposed to be doing. But her heart wasn't really in on it, just her head. After our night together, she hadn't come out and told me she was staying with Ryan because deep down, she didn't really want to.

Dawn had changed a lot in the years we'd been apart. Her relationships with me and with Ryan had evolved and adapted to our situations. But one thing had never truly changed for either of us: We always belonged to each other.

You could say it was wishful thinking on my part, that I read this into the way Dawn was explaining things. You could argue that she never actually SAID she still belonged to me. But I knew it. I saw it in her heart. I felt it through that mystical connection that had bonded us since we were born.

Dawn truly loved me. And I loved her. She was my soulmate.

Ryan really was José, the guy Holly told herself she wanted. But I was her Paul, the guy she really belonged with, warts and all. Ryan provided for her. But I really understood her. And when faced with the decision to choose between me and Ryan, faced with throwing away her "Ben Forever" bracelet, the symbol of who we used to be together, she couldn't. Faced with sending me a text message breakup, she couldn't press the button.

"I'm sorry, Ben!" Dawn was crying by now, as she finished her story. "I don't deserve to be with you. I chose him! I chose him!"

"Shh..." I soothed, reaching out to her, wrapping her up in my arms and pulling her close against my chest. "No you didn't."

"I did! I did! I told him I was choosing him. I made love to him. I made us dinner. I cuddled with him on the couch. You and I had our wonderful night together, and I still went back to HIM!" she wailed despondently.

"No you didn't, don't you see?" I urged, rubbing her back firmly. "Your head told you to go with him, but your heart always stayed with me. Okay, you slept with the guy. Fine. He was your boyfriend. It wasn't like you hadn't done it before. Cooked him dinner and told him you wanted to be with him? Again, nothing new. But through it all, you always kept our bracelet. And when he finally made it an ultimatum to throw it away, him or me, you chose me. And that's all that matters."

And then not wanting to waste any more time, I turned her head and kissed her.

Daaaaaaayyummm I missed kissing her. I mean, yeah, I know I'd rather heavily made out with her just last night. But it still felt like I was melting into Dawn as our lips came together and we started hungrily devouring each other with a volcanic passion.

The rest just came naturally.

Dawn's back hit the blankets, her arms wrapped around the back of my head as our faces pressed tightly together, our tongues intertwining in each other's mouth. I felt the whisk of air on my back as she jerked off my shirt. And then our hands were scrabbling over each other's bodies as we divested ourselves of the rest of our clothing. Neither of us wanted a stitch of anything between us. Not anymore. And then her hands were right behind my ears, holding my head tightly to the crook of her neck as I centered my body over hers.

Her sigh was like a gentle breeze by my ear as my cockhead separated her moist labia. The sigh turned into a happy moan as my thick shaft burrowed ever deeper into the core of her body. As always, she was wonderfully tight, her vaginal walls hugging close to my penetrating rod, providing exquisite friction with every surrendered millimeter. And she did surrender them. Every part of her was welcoming and inviting, urging me deeper with her pants and breathy moans.

At full depth, our eyes locked together. And for the next several minutes, neither of us broke that bond. It was as if by keeping that visual focus, we could feel the bonds of love and affection and see them in each other's eyes. Strengthened by a lifetime of partnership, we let our friendship and trust grow until it filled every fiber of our beings, so that every twitch and caress was a physical manifestation of our re-emerging unity.

Dawn and I were truly making love. My thrusts were slow and full. Her hips rolled to meet me, but we never came together with heavy force nor meaty thumps. We simply stroked together. We didn't even kiss. We didn't need to. So much more was expressed in our eyes and in the way our noses rubbed together.

I'd lost track of the number of girls I'd given physical orgasms. I'd caressed their bodies and put pressure on their nerves while stroking G-spots and buzzing clits, sending them into paroxysms of indescribable pleasure.

But only one had ever shared with me a completely non-physical orgasm — an orgasm of love — and she was lying beneath me right now. It was an orgasm of feeling so intimately connected to your partner that your body literally has no choice but to explode in ecstasy, lest the overabundance of emotions simply overwhelm your senses.

I lost track of how many time Dawn writhed with one of those; but there was no mistaking when the vaginal orgasm came. It was preceded by shortened gasps for air, little squeaks accelerating in pace and in pitch. Her eyes tightened as the rush of feeling rolled down her spine and caused her to arch her chest against me. And as the pleasure swept through her insides, her mouth gaped open to scream.

But instead of crying out in sheer bliss, Dawn merely grasped my head and stared deep into my eyes. Sweat was dripping off her brow, her face a mask of pleasure and her irises alight with brilliant blue fire. And with her last burst of oxygen, she moaned, "I love you, Ben. I always loved you. And I will always love you."

The moment demanded more than just 'I love you, too'. Countless couples around the world replied using that phrase. Maybe half of them really meant it.

For Dawn, I had something more special.

"I surrender. Take all of me," I groaned, stroking harder and faster while somehow keeping my face steady in front of hers. "Because I'm your Ben. Forever."

Her head tilted back and her jaw dropped open in a breathy gasp as her orgasm ignited. I rode the wave with her, my whole body tightening as I surged into her loins one final time, releasing the torrent of liquid love.

We didn't kiss in passion. Our heads didn't even move any closer. But as her back arched up while my hips pressed down, our eyes stayed locked together, expressing the blissful experience we each felt so that the other could feel it too. I saw her pupils widen at the sensation of my cum splashing into her womb. I felt her happiness and sense of relief at having found me again. And my eyes were a mirror of her own.

Our problems didn't all go away with one magical fuck. Yeah, I'm sure there were a lot of things we still had to talk about. For one, I hadn't given her every detail of my night, fucking other girls. And I was sure she was going through a whole riot of thoughts and emotions. It's not every day you break up with your boyfriend of the past three years.

Right now I didn't care. We would talk. We would work things out. And for all I knew, we still wouldn't be "together" in the morning. We might need time to sort things out. Our relationship was always complicated like that.

But that was tomorrow morning. This was right NOW. And I knew that someday, somehow, we would be together again. I believed.

Dawn had said it back before we even came to Berkeley: Our hearts had found each other when we were little. And no matter where they went, they would find their way back together again..

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