A chill shoots down my spine and I keep my eyes planted on the floor and try to keep my breathing even. My shoulders stiffen but I do my best to keep them pinned back and maintain my posture. Slouching or trying to hide will only make Father more upset.

But I know I can't escape punishment tonight. But I just need to make it. I just need to make it one more night. That's the mantra that runs through my head and is the only thing that keeps me from breaking to pieces.

His feet come back into my view and it's like I'm stuck in a loop. The fear, the approach, the punishment. It doesn't end.

Just make it to tomorrow. That's all you have to do.

He stands over me for several moments and the urge to shrink away grows. I take a deep breath through my nose and hold it for a moment, hoping to bust the tightness in my chest.

"Is there anything you have to say for yourself young lady?"

I have two options, and neither are really safe. Speaking would give him an excuse to escalate the entire situation. Not answering would give him a reason for punishment immediately. Either option ends in disaster. Life here isn't a game I get to win.

"I apologize for disappointing you sir." The chuckle he lets out is deep.

It seems to echo around the room. And soon it rings in my head and it feels like my chest is caving in. but his voice cuts through it all, silencing every part of me. I can't even think.

"Do you even understand what happened?"

"No sir. But that must mean I wasn't paying enough attention to our guests. I wasn't doing my job as a hostess. My apologies."

I can see him lean down slightly, feel him coming even closer. Too close. I close my eyes, not wanting to see anything more. I want to see less. Feel less. Be less.

"No, that isn't the issue. The issue is that you payed too much attention to the guests. You are promoting selfishness. You are enabling William to become self-centered. You are doing him a disservice."

His hand grabs my chin and my eyes quickly open again as he tilts my head up, forcing me to look him in the eye. My eyes are burning suddenly, and I can't tell if it's from fear, or a pain at the thought of hurting the one person who has managed to even try and befriend me.

"We don't want to hurt poor William do we? To endanger his future? He has the makings to be a great leader. Are you so selfish as to take that from him?" I try and swallow the mass in my throat and my ears are starting to hurt. My heart is racing and the next breath I take is ragged, regardless of how hard I try to keep calm.

"No. No sir."

Father straightens, his grip still on my chin, tipping my head back further. But this time I think it may be so he can keep my gaze. One brow raises and his mouth turns down ever more.

"Now what did we say about all of this 'sir' business?"

"I am to address you as Father." He smiles this time, but it doesn't reach his unsettling eyes. Eyes he passed on, that haunt me when I see myself reflected on windows. Eyes I try and change every time I put on the makeup.

"Exactly. Now, to celebrate the test today, I am going to let you choose your punishment." He leans in close to my ear and my chest caves in. My breathing stops and for a moment I struggle to keep my mind from fully dissociating.

"Choose wisely," is spoken softly against my ear but he doesn't lean back. Instead he chooses to stay there. And it reminds me of the mood that he has been in, the worst moods. And no matter how much I may hate my choices, I have been given the gift of the lesser evil. Really it isn't a choice at all.

"The closet." Father slowly leans back and looks at my face for a moment. He moves his hand so his fingers are ghosting over my cheek. The smile is gone.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Father."

He takes a step back and moves his hands behind his back.

"Very well. You know where to go."

Without a second glance to moves to the kitchen. I take the moment to breath and gather myself. I rub my palm under my eyes to scrub away the tears.

Just make it to tomorrow. You've almost made it.

But are you really naïve enough to think this will end if you leave?

Do you really think you can escape-

"Now, Kathleen."

I make my way to the stairs and take steady steps up, through the door to Father's room and right to the closet. I pause for a second and hear Father's steps following behind me, reaching the top of the steps and stopping at his doorway.

"You chose this, remember?"

I step into the closet and close the door behind me, sitting on the floor and pulling my knees to my chest. The darkness starts to thicken and it starts to feel suffocating before I close my eyes and begin to count my heartbeats. I do my best to ignore Father sitting in his room. I ignore the fear. He is right, I chose the closet. Because at least in here, the only monster is in my mind.

Choosing Father as punishment, or a "betterment" as he puts it, is giving the real monster a meal.

Soooo... Welcome back to me apologizing because I fell off the face of the planet for a little bit. But at the same time, I am back but making apologies doesn't seem worth anyone's time. So, here is another chapter because my friend told me to go back to writing. In all honesty, I have come to hate my own writing, but to just leave this story unfinished seems unfair to the people who are invested in this. So I am going to try and work to be better about this. And if it takes me a while to put up another chapter, then I am so sorry!

Stay Fierce!

ChildOfLupus