Goblin Banquet

This story is related to Unintended Consequences and Core Wars post epilogue by Old Crow. It is several years later. It did not really fit in either of the main story arcs.

oOo0o0o

The Eye Clan invite Harry to be adopted into the clan.

Barchoke was sitting back in a chair enjoying a glass of Goblin distilled spirits with Ragnok after a long week.

"Tonight, the Eye Clan will show its appreciation to Master Wand Crafter Potter in honor of what he has done for them. They will offer to adopt him into the Eye Clan. The Eye Clan made a fortune from their association with him cementing the Clan's place of honor in the Goblin Nation."

"It has been a long time since a wizard was so honored. Not since in 1589 has this happened," answered Barchoke. "There will be much ale consumed tonight. Care to bet if they can drink him under the table?" He leaned forward and tossed a money bag containing fifty galleons onto the chief's desk and sat back to enjoy his spirits.

Ragnok smiled. "Let's make it interesting. 100 Galleons says the Master Wand Crafter passes out before Redeye.

Barchoke smiled. "I'll take that bet. I see the raise and call. The Wand Crafter will still be standing while the clan is passed out. Wand Crafter Potters' mate is sneaky and smart."

"I don't see what that has to do with it. Do you know what his name will be?"

"No. Redeye just smiled and said it would be revealed at the banquet."

oOo0o0o

Hermione watched her husband Harry as he was looking in the mirror and adjusting his clothing and armor for tonight's feast. He was invited to the Eye Clan's warren within Gringotts itself. A meeting of the entire clan, he was informed, to honor him for what he had done for the Clan. Redeye had told him it was formal. Formal meant armor in Goblin culture. He should wear his abbreviated ceremonial armor because it was a feast. She laughed as he continued fussing. "It is fine Harry. You look fine. You'd look better if we splashed some blood on your doublet. You are a warrior after all," and started laughing at the look he gave her.

He was wearing a full white cotton shirt with long sleeves, with a shirt, trousers, and over the calf length boots, all made of Iron Belly Dragon hide armor. Over this a cuirass, to cover his torso, with matching vambrace for his forearms, both of hardened silver, with his family crest, polished to a mirror finish, gifts from King Ragnok himself. This alone was worth a fortune in either muggle or magical worlds. A Goblin made blade, a wicked 14-inch Bowie style with Basilisk bone handle, honed to razor sharpness was in a sheath on his hip, with two balanced throwing knives in built in sheaths in his left hand vambrace. Over this was a modified doublet in the Potter Family colors and adorned with the new family crest of a potter's wheel with pot with a coiled snake superimposed over a black grim, and crossed master wands across the front bottom. The motto "Noli me calcare" in Latin was on the bottom in a scroll. It meant: Don't tread on me," and was reminiscent of the Gadsen Flag.

"My you look good love," commented Hermione giving him a chaste bus on the lips. "Here are your potions I promised. Take them an hour before you get to the dinner. One will allow you to neutralize alcohol and the other smother hot spices. They will think you're as much a Goblin as they are."

Harry laughed. "I don't know what to expect tonight. Redeye was a little circumspect. Something is up. He said this banquet was to honor me."

"I'm sure it will be fine. You know Redeye is a friend. I'll see you when you get in later. Just have a good time and go with it, whatever it is."

Harry apparated to Gringotts. He had leave to pop directly into the Lobby in the Goblin portkey arrival point as a Friend of the Nation. Redeye met him there carrying the Mithral Halberd he had found in the Chamber of Secrets. It had been polished to a mirror finish and the edge honed sharper than a razor.

"Welcome Master Wand Crafter Potter."

"Welcome Basilisk Slayer Redeye."

"You honor the Eye Clan by your attendance tonight. Follow me please," and marched off without another word.

He shrugged his shoulders and followed him down a long corridor hewn from rock. The floor was highly polished with a shine that reflected the light. Every ten feet or so a niche in the wall held a lighted sconce. He followed him to a lift decorated with much ornamental brass, showing various war and battle scenes in bass-relief.

The workmanship was exceptional. They entered the lift and went down ten levels. Exiting the lift Harry found himself in front of wide embossed brass double doors twelve feet tall in a cavern carved from black rock speckled with mica chips. Across the doors was a sign that stated:

"Dream Killers Brassiere, Goblin Ale and Fine Roasted Meats."

On a tripod to the left of the doors was a sign announcing:

Closed tonight for Eye Clan private party.

Redeye pushed the doors open and strode in and pounded the staff of the Halberd on the stone floor three times. It resonated like a gong, bringing absolute silence to the room. Harry followed two paces behind and looked around. Harry noticed the place was large and packed with Goblins. There must be three hundred Goblins of all ages here sitting at many round tables with a large head table on a raised platform. Behind the table on the wall was a banner with the Goblin tenet: "Trust-Honor-Profit."** A wide aisle ran from the doors to the head table. Torches behind modified Fresnel lenses were spaced along the walls casting a bright but pleasant light throughout the room. Red Eye lifted both hands into the air and yelled:

"Our Guest of Honor Master Wand Crafter Potter is here!"

Everyone stood up and began to march in place, their heavy leather hobnailed boots making a staccato sound with each step. They beat a short spear known as Lxwa, against a buckler shield in time with each step while shouting Honor, Honor, Honor. The sound was deafening. After a minute a Gong sounded, reverberating around the room and silence was immediate. An ancient goblin stood on the raised dais in front of the head table and beckoned Redeye and Harry forward. They approached and Redeye bowed. Harry followed suite.

"I am, in English, Beautifuleye. I am the Matriarch of the Eye clan. Tonight, we welcome you, Master Wand Crafter Harry Potter. When several of the Eye Clan agreed to take the job guarding your master wand shop, little did we know the Honor you would bring the Clan. Little did we know the Trust we would build with you, the Profit you brought the Clan or most importantly, the friendship that was forged between us. So tonight, we Honor you Harry Potter, Master Wand Crafter and adopt you into the Eye Clan. Hence forth you will be known to the Clan and the Goblin Nation as Snakeeye, Master Wand Crafter!

Every Adult cheered and started to chant Honor, Honor, Honor as they again beat their spears on their bucklers.

Harry was stunned speechless. It had been centuries since a human was honored.

A few moments later Beautifuleye called for silence and Harry followed Redeye to the seat of honor at the head table. His clan brother guards followed him. Consisting of Oneeye, Twoeye, Crosseye, Pinkeye, Lazyeye, Blackeye, Blindeye, Sharpeeye, Wonderingeye, Roundeye, Gumeye and Bugeye took their seats.

Redeye picked up a one-quart sized stein filled with Goblin ale and shouted: "I raise a toast to MASTER WAND CRAFTER SNAKEEYE! Bottom ups Master Wand Crafter." He leaned over and he whispered to Harry. "You must drain the tankard in one go and when finished declare the feast to begin."

All eyes were on Harry as he picked up his massive stein. He held it up for all to see. "I am honored to be here tonight and humbled at you all wanting me to be part of the Eye Clan. So, I'm sure no one wants long winded speeches with so much ale and wonderful food that awaits. So, I say bottoms up!" He started to quaff the ale. All in the hall tossed their heads back with him and began to drink not stopping until empty. Harry wiping his hand across his mouth as he saw others do, put up his arms and called out "Let the feast begin!"

First course arrived. "My favorite starter Master Wand Crafter SnakeEye. This is a Sweet and Savory dish. Chunks of pineapple, papaya, sliced poblano peppers with giant prawns stir fried in a lemon juice hot sauce, on a bed of Kimchi. Yum" said RedEye!

With many eyes of the clan on him, Harry ate it with gusto. "Wow! This is great, it is a curious mix of flavors." Redeye, as well as others looked on in admiration. Few humans could stomach the strong Goblin ale nor their spicy food.

A swam of waiters walked around refilling the tankards of ale and collecting empty plates while placing small bowls of soup in front of everyone. RedEye smacked his lips. "Master wand Crafter, this is our chef's version of Cantonese hot and sour soup. It is called Dragons Breath Soup. I find it a little mild but if too mild for your taste the cayenne pepper is in those big shakers. But first we raise another tankard of ale as we do after every course."

Harry raised his tankard and gulped it down, wiped his mouth on his sleeve and slamming his now empty tankard on the table as all the other Goblins did, yelling out "Gour-ash!" (Refill). Harry leaned over and whispered to RedEye, "Are you trying to drink me under the table?"

Redeye simply bared his teeth. "It is tradition." The next thing to arrive was something deep fried that was unknown to Harry and looked like long thin strips. This is what we call Ghacki in Goblin. It has no English translation."

"Do I want to know what this is, Basilisk Slayer RedEye."

"Think only that it tastes like a spicy calamari."

"Come on, do I want to know what this really is Basilisk Slayer RedEye?"

"Nope, you might not eat it and lose face Master Wand Crafter SnakeEye!"

Harry shrugged then tried it and had to agree it did taste like Calamari, earthier a little chewier. He hoped he wasn't eating worms!

After another tankard and "Gour-ash;" the main course soon arrived. Harry wondered how beings of small stature could drink so many quarts of Ale in so short of time as he let out a long belch. RedEye beamed next to him. Goblin Ale had twice the alcohol content of muggle ale. Belches could be heard all over the hall as a number of clan also followed suite.

"This is roasted Wildebeest from Africa. It is brined for two days, then seasoned with cayenne pepper. It is aged for two weeks and then cooked in a smoker for a full day at low heat. The side dishes are Yukon Gold potatoes with roasted turnips with hot peppers and spicy grilled parsnips."

Several courses of strange spicy dishes of food Harry could not recognize came and went with its associated tankards of ale. The din of conversation, clank of metal armor and weapons was quite loud. Suddenly the adult males stood up and started to bang their weapons against their bucklers while chanting "Youb-Lat, Youb-Lat. "

Harry leaned towards Redeye, "What does that mean?"

"It is a traditional ceremony when a clan male comes of age. It is translated to 'The Gauntlet' and isan axe throwing contest. One must be nimble to err, survive unscathed. They are calling for your participation as now you are a new member. It would be a grave disrespect to decline Master Wand Crafter Snakeeye."

Harry looked at him and sighed as he thought. 'Hermione is going to be upset with me. But she did say to enjoy myself.' He stood up and held up his hands. "Ok Youb-Lat."

The crowd pounded their weapons against their bucklers and stomped their feet as they shouted Youb-Lat! The wall behind the head table began to recede and pivot to the side. The raised dais of the head table followed and ended up against the wall. It revealed an fourteen foot wide alcove with a large bull's eye target on the back wall about six feet across. A yellow square was painted on the floor coming out to six feet. About twenty-five feet from the target was a line painted on the floor with and arrow facing away from the target. This was the throw line. There was a barrier a few feet either side of the target making a small area whose floor painted dark red. A rack was on the side wall holding at least one hundred axes. Each axe had a short ebony wood handle, crosshatched with grooves for a sure grip, with metal polished to high sheen gleaming in the torch light. The edges were honed to a razors sharpness. The adult males all came up to stand by the line. The servers quickly pushed a table on wheels to the side of the group. It was filled with tankards and pitchers of Ale. A simple wooden cup was on a pedestal filled with white and red striped quills. They appeared to be four inches long.

An old and wizened Goblin, his white hair braded in a three-foot-long queue that hung down his back, stepped forward. "I am Stinkeye. I will prepare the draft quills. All except one is the same size. One will be shorter by half. You are the new one, Master Wand Crafter Snakeeye so you get to hold the draft of quills, a great honor!"

The attending males all pounded their fists into their bucklers and shouted; "Youb-Lat." All the eligible males will pick a quill. The short quill will be first to go Youb-Lat. The lucky quill holder will stand in front of the target. The clansmen will step up and throw an axe. The lucky one will dodge the axe. It is a test of courage." He held out the cup of quill's and Harry grasped them in his hand and one by one each male walked by and grasped a quill and sighed. Each drew a long one. Harry looked down and he had the last quill and it was the shortest. Why was he not surprised?

Stinkeye led him to the target. There was a yellow dotted line painted on the floor. He pointed to the line. "You must stay behind the line and in yellow square. All line up. No knives in this Youb-Lat."

There was a collective groan at the proclamation. Harry raised an eyebrow and shrugged his shoulders and thought that Hermione would definitely not like this,

"Everyone grab an axe and tankard, "continued Stinkeye! He handed Harry a tankard turned to the waiting audience and yelled: "Bottoms up."

Harry wiped his mouth as custom, tossed his tankard to the side then stood in front of the target resting lightly on the balls of his feet. Redeye stepped up to the throw line with a tankard in one hand and a short handled axe in the other while the rest made two ques behind him. He grinned at Harry and threw back his head and guzzled his tankard of ale. Foam drizzled down either side of his mouth and through his beard. He tossed the empty to the side and threw the axe with a loud Youb-Lat!

Harry neatly sidestepped the axe that whizzed by at face level and slammed into the target with a clearly audible twang. The crowd erupted in cheers. The next adult stepped up and repeated the process and Harry again neatly sidestepped the throw. The speed picked up and soon the axes were being tossed faster and faster and with two or three at a time. Harry was twisting, turning, hopping, and leaning away from the throws. Then an old goblin with the four-foot-long braided and shellacked queue stepped up and turned his back to Harry. He handed a mirror to Redeye to hold. He picked up two axes, took a disinterested look, shouted Youb-Lat and threw both axes. Harry dived to the floor to not be chopped in half. The crowd erupted in cheering. Another old Goblin with coke bottle glasses had to be turned around twice to face the target finally threw two axes at the same time. Harry turned sideways to avoid them to a rousing cheer. Finally the rack was empty and Redeye stood in front of him and held up his hands and shouted "No Youb-Lat, " while the cheering rose to a crescendo. Everyone who had them started pounding a weapon on their buckler and chanting Snakeeye, Snakeeye!

Redeye took his hand and led him back to the table and the room reset itself. "I take it I passed the test Basilisk slayer Redeye?"

"Of course, you have. Looking him in the eye he said with all seriousness, "All these men never miss," and started laughing! They are the best axe men in all the clans. He stood up and motioned Harry to stand. He handed him an axe and back holster. Master Wand Crafter Snakeeye, I present this symbol of Clan adulthood to you." Let us all raise a tankard now!

Harry held the axe over his head for all to see. I'm ready to explode, thought Harry as another course's plates were presented and his tankard refilled. I've already had ten different dishes and fifteen tankards of Ale. It's a good thing Hermione gave me those potions. He noticed that many of the Goblins were passed out with their heads on the table. He finished off his tankard of ale and slammed it on the tabletop. "Gour-ash," he yelled. A servant rushed over to fill his tankard from a large pitcher. Redeye groaned as it took a mighty effort to finish his own tankard. He raised his tankard in the air and called "Gour-ash," it would be unseemly not to match the guest of honor ale for ale. He set the tankard down on the table and put his head down next to it and began to snore.

Harry had be unobtrusively been vanishing the contents of his bladder but finally had to bow to natures call and find the Loo before his teeth floated away. The Matriarch watched SnakeEye amble away. She approached Redeye. "Wake up! You choose well my son. You were right to recommend him. Master Wand Crafter Snakeeye holds his Goblin liquor very well." He also ate everything put in front of him and did well with no complaining in the Youb-Lat." She laughed, "not that any marksmen would miss and hit him but he did move well for a wizard. This will further his status with all the Clans."

When Harry returned it was to find dessert at his place setting. Redeye was perhaps better called Blurry Eye at this point. "Master Wand Crafter Snakeeye, this final course is dessert. Deep Fried coconut covered bananas with red hot chili sauce for dipping. He let out a mighty belch and fell forward passed out. Harry picked up his fried banana and took a bite. Quite good he thought as BeautifulEye walked up to him. "Master Wand Crafter SnakeEye, I believe the feast is over. You have outlasted all the Clan," as she swept her arm around indicating all the snoring clan members. I shall escort you back to the port key lounge so you may go home.

0o0o0o0

Finis

*"Trust, Honor, Profit," is from author Robst. id: 1451358. A fine storyteller. Check out his stories, especially "Can't have it both ways," in which I found this gem.