AN: Well, here's chapter 14. Well, without further ado…

Let's get on with the show!

XXX

Can We (Not) Advance?

Shinji lead Asuka to one of the other rooms near his mother's. Neither of them talked, but Asuka was okay with that. She swore her heart was beating loud enough to be heard. The Second Child wanted to talk to him, but she hadn't expected the boy to be so eager to do the same. The only consolation in all of this was that Mari didn't give her any funny looks for the two of them going off to be alone.

Her hand was released and the closing of the door behind them snapped Asuka out of her thoughts. She looked around, but the room was lacking in any sort of identity. It was just white everywhere. The ceiling and floor, the walls and bed. Even the chairs. There was not a single thing present to distract herself with. There was a clock, but the ticking annoyed her more than soothed her nerves.

"Asuka." Her gaze flicked to Shinji at the sound of her name. It was a mistake. Looking Shinji in the eyes sent butterflies through her stomach and put a weight on her chest all at once. She was so confused. But that was why she was here, wasn't it? Asuka knew she wasn't going to get any answers by avoiding the boy and refusing to speak to him.

"Shinji." Her voice wavered and she mentally cursed herself for it. She didn't want to sound anxious.

"You must have a lot of questions." Shinji didn't comment on her slip. She was grateful for that at least.

"I do," she responds as she pulls the necklace from him out of her pocket, "This… was it real? Was any of it?" She heard her own anger in her voice, but she didn't care. She was angry. Even after somewhat being able to understand why Shinji hid everything from everyone, it still hurt. She'd thought she knew him; Asuka thought the boy standing across from her could tell her everything and she would have been able to confide in him, in kind.

Her hopes had been dashed in less than a day. There had been so much about him she didn't know. Things she could have never even thought of had been hidden away from her. She did not feel trusted any longer. Rationally, a small part of her knew there was no way he could have told anybody, but feelings were rarely—if ever—rational.

"My feelings for you are genuine, Asuka. That, I would never lie about. You mean too much to me."

"But am I the one you actually care about!? Or is it the Asuka you used to know? I don't want to be anyone's replacement!" she yelled back; teeth bared. Shinji blinked owlishly at her, clearly unprepared for that response. He would later realize he should not have been surprised at all.

"Asuka… you're not a replacement for anyone. I did know you. In my dimension both of us lived with Misato. Weird, right? You must be wondering why that would happen." And she was. Asuka couldn't think of any reason why she and Shinji would need to live together. After all, she had her mother. That's when it clicked.

"My mom…?" Asuka's question prompted Shinji to look down, rubbing the back of his head as he did so. It was all the confirmation she needed. Asuka couldn't imagine what a life without her mother must have been like. Kyoko meant so much to her. Asuka's mother was her idol. If she wasn't around…

What kind of person was she? how did she grow up?

"Yeah… I won't go into detail… I don't think you need to know all of that, but you were an orphan. Both your parents were dead, and you didn't have any other family. Yes, where I come from, Mari didn't exist." Asuka found Shinji's reply to be another shock. Mari too? The Asuka he'd known had been totally alone?

"How…?"

"I won't tell you. It's not something you'd want to know. Look, while on the surface, you and the Asuka from my home dimension are very similar, beneath all that, you're not really alike. You're more open and easier to talk to. More accepting. You're not nearly as full of yourself as she was. Asuka—the other Asuka—she went through a lot before I ever met her and it made her the way she was… she didn't deserve it, and deep down I think she must have been a good person… but I don't think any relationship between us would have ever worked."

Asuka did not reply. Her mind was still processing all she'd heard. He'd said what she wanted to hear. That she was the only one. That even when compared to another Asuka, she was the one that was special to him. Her heart hammered in her chest, but unlike the past few days when she thought of the boy before her, she could only describe it as pleasant.

But she couldn't let that get to her. Asuka took a deep breath and locked eyes with Shinji again. There was more she needed to know. Because as much as that was what she wanted to hear, she couldn't believe it. It was too perfect; too good to be true.

"Thank you for telling me that… but is it the truth? You know everything about me, Shinji. At least, you knew everything about her. As dissimilar as we might be, we're still fundamentally the same person. How similar were our experiences? Did she pilot an Eva? She must have. Misato would not have taken her in otherwise. You went to the same school with her, I'm sure. Was she friends with Hikari? Mayumi? Did she dislike the stooges as much as I do? For the same reasons?

"Was she friends with Rei? What did she do in her free time? What did the two of you do together? Shinji, you knew so much about me before I'd even known your name. You liked me when we hardly had any contact with each other. I know I had a crush on you at the same time. I can admit that. But it was just a crush. It was fickle and shaken easily by my need to best you for my mother's approval. But you didn't care even after overhearing me talk about that in your home, you still told me you liked me despite knowing how shallow I was. Shinji… you would have had to have liked me for a long time before meeting me to accept something like that."

The look on Shinji's face at her words was uncomfortable. It was answer enough for her. Shinji had felt something for this other Asuka. Her heart hurt. He'd lied to her; she was a replacement.

"Asu—" Asuka pushed the necklace he'd given her into his chest. Shinji barely had enough time to catch it before it fell.

"I'm no one's replacement, Ikari." Asuka walked away.

Shinji watched Asuka walk away from him, each step thudding in his head. He didn't understand what he'd done wrong this time. He didn't think she was a replacement. He was being truthful when he'd said a relationship between himself and the Asuka of his dimension would never have worked. He couldn't deny that he'd liked her at one point. Physically, Asuka was attractive and he was drawn to her. That much hadn't changed, but emotionally? The only reason he'd been so interested in the Asuka of his home dimension was less than impressive as a reason.

Shinji had been immature; immature and scared. Asuka had been everything he wished he could be: fierce, independent, confident. He'd admired her and that bolstered the crush he had because of her looks. Had that been all there was to it, Shinji thought that maybe something could have worked between them, but nothing was ever that simple. Asuka was like him in many ways. They both wanted approval from their parents, and they were very alone, fighting a war they had no business being involved in. It built a closeness between them that neither of them was prepared for, much less knew how to handle.

For Shinji, he knew that while he liked her, he was afraid of being close to her. He wanted her but didn't want to let her in and give her an opportunity to truly hurt him. Ultimately what he felt for her was far from love. It was just lust. Lust without emotion was empty. But he was not even that lucky. Again, Shinji found himself remembering how alike he and Asuka had been. He didn't realize it then, but their similarities made it easier for them to hurt one another. The thing he'd tried to avoid was happening regardless of him not trying to pursue a relationship with the girl.

It's like they were porcupines, destined to hurt each other the closer they got to one another. Shinji had hated it. And he'd ultimately ended up hating her because of it. Sure, he'd been under duress when he'd made the decision to strangle her to death, but he didn't think that was an excuse. And now he felt like history was repeating itself. Even no that he was more mature and understood himself far better than he had then, he still couldn't seem to have a relationship with Asuka. Even when they weren't even the same person!

The Asuka he knew here hadn't suffered through half the other's pain. The Asuka here was someone he genuinely felt comfortable around. She made him smile and laugh. She didn't push him away like the other one had. The two of them were actually friends. They could hold actual conversations without either one of them insulting the other.

And yet he still felt like a porcupine.

Shinji gripped the necklace as he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. Running a hand through his hair, he slipped the jewelry into his pocket and began to make his way back to the others, only to be stopped by Asuka's voice.

"Disgusting. To think you would try to court me. Did you seriously think I would accept? A relationship with a worm like you? How could you kid yourself like that, Third Child? Don't forget you're a monster." Shinji balled his fists, clenching them until his knuckles went white.

"The only monster here is you. Now leave. Your mind games don't work anymore, and I don't appreciate you taking Asuka's form. She deserves better."

"The vermin deserved what you gave her," his inner angel scoffed, "Honestly. I'd had such high hopes for you, but you disappointed me. Just like you've disappointed everyone in your life."

"You think now that you can't torture me using Asuka, you'll switch to directly insulting me as a person? Shame you're not the first to do so and I've long since learned how to brush such things off," Shinji retorted with venom, turning his head just enough to look at his angel's form.

"You're weak," his angel replied with a smile, "you always have been and always will be."

"Strong enough to kill our kin and remain in control of my body though, aren't I?" Shinji smiled back. His smile widened as he saw the one on his inner angel's face drop. "Begone. Keep trying to interfere with me and I'll make sure I find some way to kill you." Shinji didn't spare the angel any further attention and continued on his way. The Third Child heard it mutter something but couldn't quite make out what it had said. Ultimately, he decided he didn't care.

When Shinji returned, he found Asuka talking quietly with her mother and Mari. It bothered him. He wanted to explain, but he wasn't sure how at this point. Would she even listen to him in the first place? Shinji doubted it. He was going to need some real patience. And right now, that's something he didn't have. So even though he'd just heard Misato ask him if he thought his mother would be okay, he brushed her off.

"Look, I know you all can't be here simply to ask how I'm doing. What do you really want to know? At this point there's not much reason for me to keep anything from you all, so go ahead and ask your questions," Shinji sighed.

"But don't you want to be with your mother? This can surely wait." Misato tried. He was thankful for how understanding she was trying to be, but he just didn't need that right now.

"I'll know when she wakes up and I'm sure Leliel being right next to her will unnerve my father enough to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Let's just get this over with." With no further arguments, the questions began.

"I guess we can pick up from where the commander left off the other day… have you killed all the Angels in your dimension?" Kyoko started.

"Yes. I can give you exact information on what's yet to come, but I honestly can't say how effective it will be. The angels here haven't been arriving in the same order as the ones I fought before and their behavior isn't exactly the same. Not to mention Seraph's didn't exist where I was from, so that's another factor," Shinji responds.

"Some information is better than none, what do you know?" Ritsuko asked, preparing to take notes. Though he didn't want to talk to the woman at all, Shinji told them what he knew before giving them his own personal thoughts on the matter.

"The most dangerous Angels I ever fought were Sahaquiel, Ramiel, Leliel, Tabris, and Zeruel. Leliel is on our side here, so thankfully she won't be a problem. Tabris… he takes the form of a human. He had some free will where I was from, but he ultimately chose to follow the orders of his creator. Tabris became the pilot of Unit 02 after Asuka fell into a coma and almost succeeded in causing third impact. And the other three were just powerful. So powerful I was sure we were doomed in each fight. If I can be honest, I'm not sure about Tabris, but I'd say that the other three are Seraphs for certain." Shinji gave them a rundown of what the three potential Seraphs were capable of and watched as grim looks marred their faces.

"But if you were victorious, why would you come here?" Mari inquired and Shinji sighed internally. He'd hoped to not have to tell them about what happened.

"Because my father's and Seele's grand plan wasn't to save humankind. It was some demented immortality. Even though we killed all the Angels, they forced third impact to occur, using me as the catalyst. Everyone on the planet became LCL and I became the gate through which all consciousness passed. It was… unpleasant. I saw everything that everyone on the planet had ever experienced. It took me longer to reject my role than it should have and by the time I did, the only other person who was physically alive aside from me was Asuka… but that didn't last for long. So when Leliel came for me I took the chance to save everyone happily and haven't looked back since."

The others were quiet now. Shinji expected as much. What he just said would be a lot for anyone to take in. His eyes could do little more than search out Asuka, however. The look on her face was contemplative and he hoped it had to do with their relationship. Shinji had always had a feeling he and Asuka were more alike than she would ever admit back on his home dimension, but he truly hadn't understood exactly how right he was until instrumentality. It was unfair of him to use that information here around the current Asuka, but he honestly couldn't help it.

"So we all died…?" Toji said, his voice sounding shaky.

"Instrumentality—as my father called the plan—was not death. I don't personally find that entirely accurate, but it's not wrong. Your physical bodies were converted into LCL, but that's merely a side effect of everyone's ego borders breaking down. Mentally you were all alive, but it was like everyone was just one collective existence… while simultaneously living their lives out in their own little worlds, separate from each other. It's hard to explain honestly…"

"Why would he do something so horrible?" Misato wondered, not actually expecting an answer. But she got one.

"Because my mother's consciousness was trapped in Unit One. Everything my father has worked for has all been in order to be with my mother again. He doesn't care about anything or anyone else. It was a stupid plan, but it means little now. Mom is back so I doubt there's anything else he wants." After another few moments of silence following Shinji's words, Kyoko sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn't understand taking such drastic measures, no matter how much one had lost. She couldn't help but wonder how many lives had been lost thanks to Seele's wishes. Then she wondered how many of them she had contributed to herself. It made her sick.

"What differences have you spotted here, Shinji? For reference," Kyoko asked, wishing to move on from the info dump that was instrumentality.

"Misato and Kaji weren't married where I am from. Toji never successfully became a pilot and Kensuke was never even a candidate. Miss Kyoko was dead. Mari and Mayumi didn't exist… that's all I've noticed thus far. Outside of little personality quirks."

Shinji's eyes didn't leave the ceiling as he heard the door to his mother's room open. Hours had passed since he'd told Misato and the others as much as he was willing to divulge. There were still things he couldn't bring himself to say. The fact that he'd killed the Asuka he'd known and that his Eva wasn't the only one with a human soul trapped in it. He wondered if Kyoko suspected as much, but she hadn't pointed it out at any time, so he figured if she did know she understood why it had to remain a secret for now. As much as he hated it, there's simply no way the others could pilot the Evas if they had no soul. He promised himself he would free all his friend's parents when this was all over and for now, that would have to suffice.

"I thought your father would be here," Asuka commented as she took a seat next to him. It had been Leliel's, but she vacated it around ten minutes ago, saying she had business. On his other side was Rei, sleeping soundly with her head rested on his shoulder. She hadn't been in such a position originally, but that was fine. He didn't want to disturb her. As for his father, the man had been forced to leave due to a predetermined meeting with Seele. He hoped the man wasn't stupid enough to mention anything about what had happened recently.

"He has business to attend to," Shinji responded as his eyes slid from thee ceiling onto Asuka's face. He tried and failed not to breath in her scent. Instead he opted to ignore the warm feeling it gave him as he focused on the clock's ticking.

"Good. I didn't want to talk with him around anyway." She didn't speak for a few minutes after that and Shinji wondered what she could possibly want to say. She had been clear earlier. What else was there to discuss. "So, you were the gate for everyone's consciousness? You know everything about everyone from your world?"

"Sort of," he responded, "I knew everything, but I made a conscious effort to forget most of it. I didn't think I needed to invade everyone's privacy like that. I only chose to remember things about Nerv personnel and my friends. I figured that the more I knew, the better I'd be able to change the fate my world met."

"So… you and the other Asuka… the reason you knew so much about her…?" Shinji couldn't remember the girl next to him sounding so uncertain before.

"I won't lie. I did like her, but it was just a crush then. She was cute, but her attitude sucked. It wasn't until later that I realized how alike we were and that was around the time I started getting to know her… but we were too alike. Too damaged. Asuka and I hated each other. That's why a relationship between she and I would never have worked. I didn't realize how similar we were and why we clashed so much until instrumentality though.

"That's when I really found out who she was… and I have to say you two are far from the same. I know I said as much earlier, but I don't think you realize exactly how different you are. The loss of Asuka's mother changed her life entirely. It was scarring and defined every human interaction she had afterwards. The two of you look the same… but I can't compare you."

Shinji wouldn't lie, he was feeling exceedingly nervous. Earlier when he was explaining instrumentality, he hadn't realized it would grant him another chance to speak with Asuka. He wanted things to work with them so badly it hurt, and their earlier conversation had rattled him.

"You're not lying to me, are you?" he heard her ask, Asuka's voice sounding softer than normal.

"No. I'm not."

"Good." And then she turned his head to her and kissed him. For her part, Asuka wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do. There was still the fact that Shinji wasn't human. She didn't know how that would affect their relationship, but she didn't care enough to stop what she was doing now. If nothing else, this right now was what she wanted. As their lips parted, she only had one thing to say.

"Can I have my necklace back?"

XXX

And that's the chapter!

This was kind of a parallel to chapter 2. The "Not" in the title being there purely for uncertainty. But where that chapter ended on a low note for Shinji, I wanted this one to end high. Not to say there won't be problems for them moving forward though. I just felt like this was the right time for this. Next chapter of my original work will be up soon on my P/atreon. Check out P/atreon/Reixe if you'd like to read it. See you all in the next update.