Author's Note: I have just recently published my sixth novel and the fifth in my Waldo Rabbit Series. Rabbit The Barbarian is available for sale now in ebook form on Amazon. For those of you who enjoy my fanfiction and my sense of humor why not give my novels a try? They're an existential tale of a young man on a journey of discovery in search of self-enlightenment as he struggles to prove his true worth to his people.

There's also a red headed big boobed succubus named Alice who likes it rough. Just sayin'.

XXX

One day after Kazuma and party left on their job…

Aqua barreled into the guild hall a little before noon. "Where's Kazuma?! I need to talk to him right this minute!"

Various adventurers all told her they hadn't seen him or anyone in his party. This didn't satisfy her, so she went to the main counter.

"I need to know where Kazuma is! It's an unbelievably important matter! Tell me where he is right now so I can go deal with him!"

A less than comfortable Luna came up to her. "Aqua, it looks like Kazuma and his party are off on a retrieval quest right now. So, I'm afraid you'll need to wait for his return."

"That's not good enough! I need to talk to him right away. My entire fate depends on it. What if the idiot gets killed? That would be the end for me! The absolute end!"

Luna looked at her in surprise. "I had no idea the two of you were that close. I, uhm, have overheard him talk about you a few times." He also bought everyone a round of drinks when the knights hauled you away, Luna thought. "I was under the impression the two of you weren't on good terms."

"We're not, he's a useless NEET who ruined my whole entire existence!"

"Really? Then why exactly do you want to see him?"

"Because if I don't help him beat the Devil King I'll be stuck on this planet for almost forever!"

Luna just stood there staring at her with absolutely no idea how to respond.

"So, tell me where he is already!"

"Aqua, I can't do that. We have rules about revealing what jobs our members are working on. I can only give out that information in the case of an emergency."

"This is an emergency! If I don't join that NEET's party and defeat the Devil King, I'll be stuck here! What could be a bigger emergency than that?!"

Luna sighed. "It's just a low-level retrieval, I'm sure Kazuma will be back soon. Why don't you wait for him?"

Aqua puffed out her cheeks and stamped her foot. "Fine, I guess I'll have lunch. Put in an order for a steak and a couple bottles of wine."

"A couple?"

Aqua thought about it a moment. "You're right, I may as well make it three."

Luna gave her a lukewarm smile and put in the order.

Aqua ended up downing six bottles of wine before staggering back to her room at the inn.

Three days after…

"Is Kazuma still not back?! What is taking him so long?!"

Luna sighed and screwed on her best customer service smile. "Some retrievals take longer than others. It's only been few days after all."

"But what is something happened to him?! What if he's dead?!"

Luna felt a vein throb in her forehead. "Kazuma is a level forty-three thief. I'm sure he's fine."

Aqua was not satisfied with this answer, but eventually sat herself down at a table and started drinking ale. Not too long after this an adventurer by the name of Dust wandered into the guild. His right arm was in a sling. As soon as he spotted Aqua, he made a bee line straight for her.

"Good morning, Aqua."

Aqua peered at him over the top of her mug. "Oh, good morning, uhhhmmm…"

"I'm Dust, we've actually met a few times."

"I was just about to say Dust! How are you?"

"Heh, I've been better," he nodded to his sling. "Me and my party were out on a quest and we ran into an ogre. We dealt with him, but I got my arm broken. I was wondering if you could heal me."

A huge smile immediately appeared. "Of course, I can! Being a goddess, you naturally came to me knowing I was the only one you could trust with restoring you to completely health and wellbeing! Have no fear, your benevolent and kind goddess will not disappoint you."

"Uh," Dust scratched at his cheek with his good hand. "Well, normally when I get hurt, I'd just go to the temple of Eris and they'd patch me up. But since you're here I figured I could save myself a trip."

Aqua's smile got rigid and her cheerfulness sounded forced. "Is that so? Well, if you want to rely on an unreliable goddess who deceives everyone by stuffing rags in her chest, I guess that's up to you."

"Uh…"

"But I'm sure after you receive my expert healing you won't ever want to use that temple ever again." Aqua stood up and stretched out her palm. "That'll be fifty thousand eris, please."

"Whoa! Fifty thousand for a broken arm? The priest at the temple would only charge me ten."

"You're getting the services of a goddess, obviously that's worth a lot more."

"I'm not paying more than ten thousand. If you're serious I'll just go to the temple of Eris."

Aqua pouted. "Okay, fine! I'll do it for ten, but you better be super grateful!"

"Sure thing."

Dust fumbled around with his purse using his one good hand but eventually pulled out a silver coin. Aqua waited for him to put it in her palm, but instead he started walking over to the counter.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"I'm giving your payment to the guild so they can forward seventy percent of it to the royal treasury."

"Huh? What are you talking about?

"Well, you know you have to pay seventy percent of anything you make to the kingdom, right?"

"Oh that?" She laughed and waved it off. "You don't have to take that seriously. This is just between us. It's fine if you just give me the money. I won't tell."

"Uh, no. The knights made a public proclamation that seven parts of ten of any money paid to you has to go to the kingdom. Anyone who fails to pay their share will be stealing directly from the kingdom and his majesty. The penalty for that is five years hard labor in the mines. So no, I'm not giving this to you."

"But… but…"

Dust ignored her and went over to the counter. He returned with a receipt and thirty copper coins. He gave the coins to Aqua who glared at them before shoving them into her purse. She healed him and Dust's arm was as good as new. He left the guild happy and fully satisfied.

Aqua sat back down muttering about how ungrateful and selfish people were.

One week after…

"Is Kazuma still not back yet?! You said he'd definitely be back after a week!"

Luna sighed and maintained a rigid smile. "I said he'd probably be back by now. But occasionally jobs can take longer than expected."

"What if he's been killed though?" Aqua demanded. "He could be lying dead at the bottom of a ditch somewhere! And because of that stupid rule I wouldn't even be allowed to bring him back!"

"Aqua, I'm sure he'd fine. I bet he and his party will be back any day now."

"You said that yesterday!"

"And it's still true today."

"Ugh! Fine! I guess I'll wait one more day. Get me a bottle of the best wine you have and some fried toad."

Luna frowned. "Aqua, you've been drinking a LOT of alcohol lately."

"So?"

"So, people have noticed and are starting to talk about it. You do understand that your meals, your room at the inn, and all the ale and wine are being paid for by your fellow adventurers, don't you? It's an act of charity meant to thank you helping to save Axel and for resurrecting all of them."

Aqua nodded. "I know, it's the absolute least they can do for me."

Luna's frown deepened. "Not everyone sees it that way. The expense for your drinking is getting excessive, it's about double what your meals and room cost. Not everyone appreciates you sitting here getting drunk every day on their eris."

"What am I supposed to do?" Aqua demanded. She stabbed a finger at the message board. "I've tried joining a party! No one will take me though!"

Luna had read her post:

The divine and compassionate goddess Aqua is making her service available!

She is a level twenty-five archpriestess specializing in healing, ability boosts, and party tricks!

She is the absolute best and no one else even compares to her magnificence and splendor!

Random Adventurer A says: "Aqua is absolutely amazing! We were so grateful just to have her in our party! Without her leadership and skills, we would have been lost!"

The goddess does require that whatever lucky party ends up with her services they will have to convert to Axis worship and always agree with her.

Hurry and ask her to join you before it's too late!

"Under ordinary circumstances," Luna said. "I'd suggest reposting your request and making it a little more humble."

"What do you mean?" Aqua demanded. "I am humble! I'm the most humble person you'll ever meet!"

Luna felt the vein in her temple start to throb again. "Given the circumstances though there really isn't much point. A level twenty-five archpriestess is certainly valuable, but no party will let you join if it means seventy percent of their treasure or reward is going to be confiscated. But some parties might let you work with them as a freelancer if-"

"No way! Only losers have to work as freelancers!"

"That's not true. Chris works freelance and every party in the guild would snap her up if they could."

"Who's Chris?"

"She's one of the top thieves in the whole country. She sort of wanders in and out of here and takes on jobs when it suits her. I haven't seen her since the Destroyer attack."

"She sounds like a loser."

Luna let out an exasperated sigh. "My point is, if you'd agree to work freelance it wouldn't effect what the party earns, and they'd be more willing to accept you."

"No way! If a party doesn't want me as a full member then they're too dumb to deserve me!"

Luna suddenly brightened. "Aqua, I think I can honestly say no one here deserves you."

"Thank you!"

"I'll get you that wine now," as she walked away Luna mumbled beneath her breath. "I may need a cup myself."

Three weeks after…

"Where is Kazuma? How could still not be back?"

"I'm sure he's fine," Luna did her best to sound comforting.

"He's dead, isn't he? It was just a regular mission, and no one's heard from him after all this time. He must be dead."

"We don't know that, we can only hope he's all right." Luna gave the girl a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

The truth was Luna agreed that Kazuma, Darkness, and Megumin were all probably dead. They'd gone on a basic retrieval job located only a few days walk from Axel. That sort of work didn't take three weeks. Luna had worked at the guild long enough to know that when a party was overdue like this it meant they were dead nine times out of ten.

What was really ominous was the fact that Kazuma's party had been the strongest one still based in the city. Any monster or group of monsters that could take them down would be a serious threat to Axel and the guild in general.

Most everyone in the guild had come to the same conclusion. People talked quietly about the three of them and told stories about their crazy antics. No one came right out and said they were dead. That was considered awfully bad luck, and as adventurers they all wanted to hold out hope that they might be wrong.

Kazuma, Darkness, and Megumin would not be declared dead until they had gone missing for one full year. On that date, the guild would hold a memorial in their honor. In the meantime, everyone would pretend that they might come back someday.

"I'm doomed, aren't I?" Aqua bawled. "That stupid, stupid NEET got himself killed and now I'm doomed to be stuck on this planet for the rest of time!"

"I'm… I'm sure it'll be all right," Luna patted her shoulder again. She didn't really have anything else to say.

"I need wine, I need a lot of wine."

Luna nodded, and for once did not blame Aqua for drinking herself into a stupor.

One month after…

"Emergency quest! Emergency quest! We need all able-bodied adventurers to assemble at the front gate!"

As all the adventurers scrambled and hurried out the door Luna organized the wait staff to load baskets into a wagon so they could go and support everyone. As Luna was getting ready to leave, she noticed one figure still in the hall and hurried up to her.

"Aqua? Didn't you hear the alarm?"

The bleary eyes archpriestess looked at her as she drank a mug of ale. "Yeah, it was loud enough."

"Then why aren't you going to the gate? It's a cabbage migration. We need all the help we can get. Don't you want to make some easy money and enjoy some sauteed cabbage?"

"Who cares?" Aqua gulped down some ale and wiped the foam from her mouth with a sleeve. The girl's clothes were stained, and her hair was a mess. "What difference does it make? I'm screwed no matter what. So why should I even bother?"

"Aqua, even if something did happen to Kazuma you can't just give up and spend the rest of your life just sitting here drinking."

"I know, cause eventually everybody will die and there won't even be any plant life to make alcohol from. So, I may as well drink while I can. Not like I got anything better to do."

As seemed to be happening way too often Luna found she really had no answer for her. She also needed to get to the wagon to help set things up for the harvest.

"Everything will work out,"

Aqua laughed and drank some more as Luna hurried out the door.

Two months after…

"I'm a goddess you know," a drunken Aqua slurred.

"Yeah, you've mentioned that before," Mohawk Guy said with a patient nod.

"I'm supposed to be up in heaven talking noobs from this place called Japan into coming here and fighting the Devil King. It was an easy job, and I was sooooooooo good at it too."

"You don't say."

She nodded vigorously, sending all her uncombed tangled hair flying about. She hadn't taken a bath in at least a week and reeked of sweat and stale booze.

"I was going to send Kazuma here too. He was supposed to pick a magic item or ability to bring with him. But instead, he chose me. So, I got railroaded down here with that damn NEET!"

"What's a railroad? A road built over rails?"

"And now cause he's dead that means I can't go back to heaven until time resets. So, no potato chips no chocolate no ice cream no kpop and no video games. I used to just play on my Gamegirl while I listened to BTS and ate ramen. It was great! Now I'm stuck here in a place that doesn't even have toilets or hot showers!"

"Sounds rough."

As this was going on the rest of the guild watched from a distance. Mohawk guy was one of the few people still willing to still talk to Aqua and listen to her craziness. The girl basically did nothing other than sit here and drink and tell people about her delusions of being a goddess. She wouldn't even bathe or wash her clothes until she was badgered into it.

There was still some sympathy for her, and the guild members had all agreed to keep paying her bar tab. They still owed her that for bringing them all back from the dead. But everyone did their best to just avoid here and pretend she didn't exist. No one even bothered asking her for healing any more. Since the moment you started talking to her, she'd begin telling you about heaven and reincarnation and RPGs and other nonsense. It was easier just to avoid her.

"And I got swallowed by a toad AGAIN! It was awful! I smelled like puke! A goddess shouldn't stink of toad puke!"

"No argument here."

Three months after…

Aqua was in her usual seat drinking wine and wondering for the millionth time how the universe could be so unfair to her. She was dimly aware of some kind of stir in the guild hall. All of a sudden people stopped talking and were staring towards the door. Aqua didn't bother to look to see what it was about. It wasn't like it mattered. She was having another drink when she heard a voice.

"…I mean how much can change in three months?"

Her head snapped up and she saw him standing near the door talking to Luna.

"KAZUMA!" She launched herself like a guided missile and tackled him to the ground. She told him about everything she'd been though.

"Someone get this crazy bitch off me!"

Even as Darkness hauled her up, she was happy. She still had a chance!

Present day…

Aqua was sitting in a chair in the main parlor of Kazuma's mansion. She'd spent the past hour relating everything she'd gone through since his disappearance. Darkness and Megumin both looked on the verge of tears. Kazuma was giving her a stony expression and had his arms crossed.

"Anyway," Aqua finished up. "The people in the guild have been really mean to me. They treat me like I'm just some drunk crazy person."

"Can't imagine why."

"So, now that you understand my situation, you'll let me join your party, right Kazuma?"

Kazuma sat there a moment and gave her a wide smile. "HELL NO!"