Kazuma, Megumin, and Darkness were walking through the streets of Axel on the way back to the mansion. Darkness was walking fifteen feet behind her teammates, while staying downwind of them. Her hair along with her armor and the rest of her body were coated in slime and smelled like three-day old vomit. The people in the street fled the instant they spotted her. Any unfortunate enough to catch a whiff either began puking or fell over unconscious.

Despite this situation (or come on, let's be honest, because of it) Darkness was walking along in a state of sheer bliss. She let loose a happy sigh.

"I never imagined a simple mission could be so exhilarating."

Kazuma glared over his shoulder at her. "Oh, yeah? Well, I never imagined I could say I saw a girl get swallowed by a giant carnivorous snail without it being the craziest thing I ever saw in my life. Now it doesn't even crack the top ten."

Hearing his words caused Darkness to shiver and let out another enthusiastic sigh.

"How are you okay with this?!" Megumin gasped with a handkerchief slapped over her mouth and nose. "Can't you tell how bad you stink?"

"A true crusader is willing to suffer for the sake of others without complaint. Besides," she practically sang. "Can't you see the looks of disdain people are giving me?"

"That's supposed to be bad!" Megumin shouted. "You're not supposed to enjoy it!"

"Don't bother," Kazuma groaned. "If you scold her, she's just take it as a reward."

"W… What? Kazuma! I would never do any such thing."

"Oh, please! The only way you'd be any happier right now was if that slime had dissolved your clothes."

Darkness' face turned a bright red as she began to stutter out words of protest that both he and Megumin ignored. Sadly, for Kazuma at any rate, this was fairly normal. When you got right down to it, he supposed it was a good thing his teammate could survive being eaten and swallowed by a giant snail. He just wished she weren't so damn pleased by it.

As they were walking something caught the corner of his eye. A robed figure was peeking out from an alleyway. Whoever it was seemed to notice him looking and quickly ducked out of sight. Since his Detect Enemy ability wasn't triggered, and he knew how famous he and his party were in Axel he didn't worry about it and just continued walking upwind from Darkness.

On the way home though he spotted the figure twice more. When he saw it once again, he decided enough was enough.

"Hey, you two keep walking. Vanish." Kazuma disappeared just as they were rounding a corner.

"Huh? What are you doing?" Megumin asked but got no reply.

Not sure what else to do she and Darkness continued. Kazuma remained where he was and waited. It only took a couple minutes before the cloaked figure came hurrying up. He wasted no time and grabbed the person in a bear hug. The spot where his hands landed was surprisingly soft.

"Okay, why are following us?" Kazuma demanded.

"Eek!" A rather high-pitched cry came in response and the robe slipped off.

The person was a dark-haired girl wearing a black long sleeve coat, pink tie, pink mini skirt, red stockings, and brown boots. Her coat was opened to reveal a quite ample chest which Kazuma was currently squeezing in a death grip.

The girl's panicked squeal brought Megumin and Darkness hurrying back. The two girls stopped to stare at the sight of their team leader publicly molesting a young girl. Megumin's gaze was furious, while Darkness pinched her lips and appeared distinctly jealous. Meanwhile the people on the street glared and began to mutter to each other.

"Could you please let go of me!" The girl cried.

Seeing the situation Kazuma quickly released her, and she took a couple steps away from him.

Being a bit confused Kazuma blurted out the first thing that came into his head.

"Wow, those things are soft."

SLAP!

XXX

Before further misunderstandings could start and a mob form it was decided to bring the girl with them to the mansion where they could talk in private. Megumin was oddly opposed to the idea, but Kazuma didn't care. Darkness took a bath and scrubbed the snail goop off in record time. She then joined the rest of them in one of the mansion's parlors. The four of them were seated around a small table. The stalker was huddled in her seat red faced and mostly staring down at her lap. She occasionally sneaked glances at either Kazuma or Megumin.

Kazuma was staring back at her. The outline of her hand could still be clearly seen on the left side of his face. Megumin was very obviously not looking at the girl. There was a painful silence as they waited for Darkness to rejoin them. As soon as she sat down Kazuma spoke.

"So, want to explain why you were stalking us?" Kazuma said in a frosty tone.

The girl hurriedly bobbed her head up and down. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry about that! I swear I didn't mean to cause you any trouble!"

"Have we actually done any introductions yet?" Darkness asked.

Kazuma grunted. "I'm Kazuma, that's Darkness, and this is Megumin."

"Ah, my name is Yunyun."

"And why exactly were you stalking us, Yunyun?" Kazuma asked sounding as warm as a winter gale.

Yunyun squirmed a bit and aimed a pleading look at Megumin. The other girl however had her head turned to the side and was avoiding her gaze.

"Ah… well… you see…"

"You've got red eyes," Kazuma noted. "Does that mean you're part of the Crimson Demon Clan?"

The girl swallowed and nodded. The reputation of her clan was sort of a mixed bag. On the one hand, people acknowledged that most Crimson Demons possessed powerful magic and high intelligence. But on the other, they were also known to for having a rather unique culture that most people found bizarre. They also tended to be stand offish as very few of them ever left their village.

"You're not obsessed with blowing things up, are you?"

"What?"

"Well, so far, I only know one Crimson Demon and she's pretty much an explosion maniac. I was just wondering if all of you are like that."

"HEY!" Megumin shouted.

"Ah, no, I use a wide variety of magic. I don't even know how to cast Explosion. Megumin is about the only one in the village who uses that spell."

"So, the two of you know each other?" Darkness chimed in. "Are you friends?"

Yunyun opened her mouth to answer, but before she could…

"No," Megumin said. "I've never met this person in my life."

Yunyun gasped and jumped to her feet. "How can you say that?! We're eternal rivals!"

Megumin scratched at her cheek and looked confused. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean Yanyan."

"My name is Yunyun, and you know it!"

This continued for a few minutes as Yunyun made multiple accusations and Megumin blandly pleaded ignorance.

Kazuma sighed. "Okay, I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here."

Both girls stopped and gave him their full attention.

"You heard that Megumin was part of an amazing, kick ass party and so you came here hoping to take her spot."

"What? No, I would never-"

"Well, congratulations!" Kazuma stood and grabbed her hand to shake it. "Welcome to the team!"

"Huh? But I didn't-"

He turned to a stunned Megumin. "Thanks for all your help up until now. I'll be sure to give a great reference to whatever new team you apply to. Do you need help packing your stuff?"

The girl gaped like a fish for a moment before leaping to her feet. "You can't kick me out! Especially not for this moron!" She stuck a finger right in Yunyun's face.

"Eh? But I don't-"

"Why would you even want her when you have me anyway?" Megumin demanded.

"You really need me to answer that?"

"Yes! I'm better than her in every single way except chest size!"

"Eh?!" Yunyun crossed her arms over her ample bosom.

"Well, her chest is definitely a plus but that's not the main reason. I mean Darkness is still at least a couple sizes bigger."

"Eh?!"

"K… Ka… Kazuma, p… please not in front of strangers."

"She's a spell caster who won't try to blow up everything she sees. I'd say that's a pretty major advantage."

"But I only do that when you tell me to or when we're about to make camp!"

Kazuma raised an eyebrow. "Okay, that right there, the fact you think it's totally normal to want to blow things up every single day. You have no clue what a headache that is to deal with. Do you even know how many craters there are within twenty miles of this place?"

"So what? The land should be honored to be blessed with the wonder and glory that is explosion magic!"

He groaned. "You're really not helping your case, Megumin."

"But I even learned other spells just to help you and Darkness!"

"You only did that because I wouldn't have let you into the party otherwise."

"It still counts!"

"Megumin," Yunyun gasped. "You're using spells other than Explosion? That's amazing!"

Kazuma grunted. "You really do know her, don't you?"

"You can't kick me out just because of that," Megumin continued.

"It's not the only reason, you also sided with Aqua when I told you she was trying to use us."

"So did Darkness!"

"Yeah, I know, but at least I can use her as a human shield. Plus, I've seen her naked, no way am I giving that up."

Darkness gasped and hugged herself.

"You also pissed off the faeries in the Enchanted Wood."

"You can't blame me for that! Faeries are assholes! They probably would have done the exact same to us no matter what!"

"Maybe," he admitted. "But egging them on the way you did sure didn't help."

"I can't believe you'd kick me out of the party after all we've been through! Don't you believe in loyalty?"

Kazuma narrowed his eyes. "You mean the kind of loyalty you had to me when Mitsurugi recruited you?"

She let out a forced laugh. "That was a joke! I wasn't serious!"

"Sure, you weren't."

Yunyun took a timid step forward and put her hand up. "Ah, excuse me? While I really appreciate the offer I don't want to-"

Megumin grabbed her arm and dragged her forward. "I've beaten this idiot in almost everything since we were kids! Let me prove to you how much better I am than her! Pick any contest, any challenge, and I'll trounce her!"

"What?" Yunyun gasped. "No, you won't! I'll definitely win this time for sure."

Kazuma eyed the two girls and a slow grin spread across his lips. "Any challenge huh? Okay, I can do that. But I have to warn you, what I have in mind is something from my homeland. It's a competition so difficult and torturous it completely breaks a lot of girls' spirits and crushes their souls. You sure you want to try?"

Megumin gave him a smug grin and planted both hands on her slender hips. "Hah, whatever it is bring it on! No way I'll lose!"

"Me too! I definitely won't lose either."

Kazuma gave them a solemn nod.

Darkness raised a hand. "K… Kazuma, could I-"

"Nope, you'd enjoy it too much."

XXX

One hour later…

"Why am I wearing this?" Yunyun wailed.

"Kazuma, why do you have clothes like this in your closet?" Megumin demanded.

"Don't worry about it.

Yunyun was dressed in bloomers and a plain white T-shirt two sizes too small. Meanwhile Megumin was in a blue school swimsuit that looked like something out of a genuine Japanese high school.

Darkness was close by watching this with tears in her eyes. "So unfair…"

"Well let's get started," Kazuma said rubbing his hands together.

Megumin took a deep breath and stepped forward. "Sempai, could you please help me with my breaststroke? I need your strong manly hands to guide me. Please, sempai, I'll do anything you ask me to."

All eyes turned to Yunyun whose cheeks were red as Megumin's wizard robe. She shuffled half a step. "Onii-chan, where have you been? I've been so lonely without you. W-Won't you h-help me with m-my… I CAN'T DO THIS! IT'S TOO EMBARRASSING!"

With that Yunyun ran out of the room.

Megumin grinned wide and held up one hand with a victory sign. "I win."

"What a shame," Kazuma sighed. Well, at least she'll make a great design for a new HeroMon card.