History: A Touch of Colour in the Grey

Book 1: Shading the black.

Date: 25 October 2018, corrected September 2021

Beta: AxZi in 2018, nobody for the rewrite T^T

Fandom: D Gray Man

Disclaimer: No, I don't own D Gray Man and I'm not making any money on this story.

Summary: After landing in the 19th century, Estelle soon realizes that she has been hired by the Kamelott family, basically the villains of DGM. Taking the name Eve, she then becomes Tricia Kamelott's lady-in-waiting and helps her with her daily tasks. Now that her life is a little less chaotic, Eve reflects on her arrival in this world and decides to make up her own mind about the people in this new world despite her knowledge of manga. However, she soon becomes aware of the social difference between women at that time and starts to fear for her future, especially when Road and the twins arrive...

Chapter trigger: Depression

Hello! This story is one year old! What better way to celebrate than with a big dépression ? :D

The psychological part is much shorter than I expected and maybe doesn't show the true awareness Eve has... tell me what you think :)

Enjoy your reading!

Chapter 13: Meltdown

Tuesday 31st March

With my pencil in my hands, I couldn't help but think that the moment would have been just perfect with some music... Almost anything would have done it at that moment. Even some jazz if I had to.

I sighed wearily.

It had been three months since I arrived in this world and nothing had really changed since then. I still couldn't remember my "accident", I still got depressed at random times when something reminded me of my loved ones and I still had no idea how I was alive and well. Honestly, my most likely theory to date was that Fate was drunk and had sent me here by mistake. Then, when she realised it the next day, she had at least alleviated my suffering by finding me a stable and pleasant position. Well, near the great villains of the story who wanted to eradicate the human race... but a comfortable life all the same. See for yourself, instead of toiling all day as a maid or even worse, ending up on the streets as a prostitute, I was currently drawing quietly in my room in my spare time.

I was at this point in my wonderful thoughts, when there was a knock at the door. Putting down my pencil, I got up to open it, quite curious as to who could be bothering me in the middle of the afternoon. Tricia was asleep, Road was at school, it had been a good week since the twins had agreed to see a private tutor (and Merlin, what a fuss it had been to get them to agree...) and Sheryl simply had no reason to climb in here, especially as he was in Portugal for the week. So that left only...

"Tyki." I greeted with a smile as I opened the door wider to let him go in. "I thought you were off in town to settle some business with one of Sheryl's lawyers?" I asked, curious, as he looked around my room. Luckily for me, I didn't have much stuff, so there was absolutely nothing to make a mess of.

"Don't talk about that..." He said with a sigh. "I've never seen a more incompetent man, I swear."

"That bad?" I laugh as I resume my seat at my desk, in front of the drawing in progress.

"Maybe not, but still..." He says before walking over to me, peering over my shoulder at my notebook with a curious look. "Is it Road?" At my nod he continued. "It's really good, I feel like you've improved again."

"Thank you." I said with a beaming smile. I was quite proud of this drawing so I was doubly pleased with his compliment, especially since I wasn't used to drawing realistic portraits. "So, what brings you here?" I asked him curiously.

"The head butler gave Justin the keys to the library, but of course Justin forgot he had them and went with John to London." Tyki explained, leaning against the wall. "And since I don't really want to break into my own house by climbing the balconies..."

"A very bad idea, I assure you." I huffed, half amused, half terrified by the memory.

Tyki gave me a puzzled look but soon followed up. "...I was looking for someone to pass the time with."

"Oh, you hurt my feelings Lord Mikk, and I thought you really wanted to enjoy my company." I declaimed with an amused smile as I crossed my hands over my chest, where my heart rested.

The bugger soon joined in the game and grabbed my hand to kiss my fingers. "Obviously, my Lady, how could you believe anything else? Everything was an infamous plot to meet you in this place."

"Oh really? In that case, have you thought of any way to spend our precious time?"

"...Cards?" He said in his usual tone, a recognisable pack miraculously appearing in his hand.

"As long as it's not poker..." I said with a shrug before pulling my desk chair towards the round table where he was already dealing cards.

In the three weeks since he had arrived at the Manor, and no doubt thanks to our silly game on the first day, we had grown considerably closer. The fact that we were close in age, had common interests and far too much free time on our hands had certainly helped, and it was not uncommon to find us reading or talking in the library in the middle of the afternoon.

In fact, surprisingly, I had even started acting like I used to with my friends, which was a lot of sarcasm, silly jokes and role playing. Well, he lacked the internet references... but it wasn't long before he took over from me and we'd already had several laughs at the expense of the manor's inhabitants. Our last game was to act like high society nobles (which he was supposed to be) before quickly moving on to the manners of the people (which I was supposed to be).

It was fun and silly and Sheryl was already considering me a bad influence on his brother. Now I wasn't even invited at night when the family got together and Sheryl would give me a suspicious look whenever he saw me with his brother and then give him a bunch of work as if to separate us.

Personally, I didn't really miss family evenings. Sure, it was nice to spend time in front of the fireplace playing with the kids, but Road wasn't exactly the kindest person when it came to my hair and Sheryl made me break out in a cold sweat when he stared at me. I felt like he was mentally dissecting me to decide my usefulness and... well, on second thought, maybe that's exactly what he was doing.

"Shit..." Tyki swore as he looked at the card he had drawn from my deck. With a smile, I took the other card before throwing the resulting pair onto the table. Tyki, finding himself with the joker, tossed it onto the pile with a sigh before grabbing the cards to shuffle them. I was always impressed when he did this. His fluid, quick and graceful movements made it seem as if the cards were magically shuffling and it was quite a sight to see.

"Any ideas for a game?" he asked, not even looking at his hands as they folded and turned over the cards mechanically.

"I always have ideas for games." I replied in mock outrage before resting my head in my hand with a neutral expression. "But I don't really feel like playing cards... I'm a bit bored, I admit."

"I was thinking the same," he replied conspiratorially. "But what else could we do? The library is closed and the kids are in class." He said with a shrug.

"We could go into town?" I offered. "Then you can finally play poker against people who really know how to play." Well, more like knowing how to cheat.

"I don't really feel like spending an hour in the cab, and besides, it's a bit late, Tricia's going to wake up soon." He said with a shrug. "On the other hand, that reminds me, have you heard from Allen?"

"Not yet." I say, shaking my head. "But I'm not surprised, he told me they were going to India and even though they would be stopping over for a few days, they would probably be gone before a letter arrived. So he said he would only send me a letter when he was sure he was going to be in one place for a few weeks. It's only been three weeks, I'm not even sure if they've arrived in India yet.

"Ho…" Tyki blurted out, looking strangely disappointed. "I was hoping to hear about him... And your knife throwing, is it getting any better?" I grimaced at his words and he laughed in response. "Well, I think we finally figured out what we're going to do. Come on, you'll be able to hit the target before the day is out!" He said as he stood up before extending a hand towards me.

"Wow, I see someone is confident in their abilities." I teased him by putting my hand in his, letting myself pull myself to my feet.

"Of course." He said with a smile before wiggling his eyebrows, making me laugh. "I am still a Lord, let's not forget that."

"Well, 'Lord' Mikk, lead the way!" I replied with a laugh, following him down the corridor.

"And the worst thing is that he was right, the idiot." I grumbled as I climbed the stairs four by four with a thin, proud smile on my face. I had managed to hit the center three times! From ten meters away! This personal victory had taken a lot of effort and sweat, especially in my impractical dress, and I had left Tyki to tidy up our little corner near the forest to take the fastest bath of my existence before going to wake up Tricia.

Tricia, in fact, was in phenomenal shape. She said she hadn't felt this good for months and immediately offered to go riding in my village with a sympathetic air. When I asked her confusedly what she was talking about, she replied that she thought I might want to take some flowers to the site of the fire. Without even thinking, an anxious 'no' escaped my lips and Tricia didn't insist any further, immediately putting a hand on my shoulder, her eyes sad. It was only afterwards that I realised she was talking about the destroyed village where Dolores Impleton had found me on Christmas Day, and I couldn't understand why I had reacted so negatively. Was I subconsciously remembering something...? I almost wanted to finally tell Tricia that I wanted to go, but when I opened my lips to say exactly that, my stomach tightened violently and bitter bile gripped my throat. Breathing out a shaky breath, I wisely decided not to continue down that path and put the whole strange scene aside to think about later. Even though the excursion was as quickly cancelled as mentioned, Tricia promptly decided to take advantage of her newfound health and the warmer weather outside to go horseback riding.

And who knew that the Kamelotts had a stable...?

Anyway, after our much quicker than usual tea, I followed Tricia through the gardens to the edge of the forest, the opposite of where I had been with Tyki earlier in the afternoon. Indeed, at this point, several large wooden buildings were taking place, cleverly hidden in a clearing. There, Tricia explained to me that they had a small farm, which was looked after by a few servants and where the horses were kept.

In less time than it would have taken Allen to devour a Sandwich, a resourceful kid, Pierrot if I had heard the Palfrenier correctly, brought us two horses all dressed up and that's when I realised that Tricia wanted me to ride with her. So obviously you're probably thinking, "But she's stupid, she's a lady-in-waiting, of course she's supposed to do that sort of thing!" and yes, you'd be right, but I wasn't used to being able to ride whenever I felt like it in my old world. In fact, in my life I had only done two week-long courses and maybe a few scattered rides and that was before I hit my twelfth birthday. I might as well tell you that I hadn't touched an equine for no less than... four, five, six years? And even if the animals had been rather docile and the rides almost boring because they were so lacking in speed, it could not be said that I really knew how to ride.

Even though it hurt to tell her the news because Tricia was so happy, my life was still on the line and I decided to tell her about my lack of competence.

"You've never ridden?" she said, still looking a little puzzled.

"Yes, a few times it seems... but I was really young and I'm afraid I don't remember." I confessed, praying that it wouldn't alter her plans. She was so rarely this healthy, I didn't want to ruin her moment.

"Are you afraid?" she asked, lovingly stroking the muzzle of the white mare at her side. "Demeter is very gentle, I assure you, perhaps even a little too gentle, so you have nothing to fear, but if you do feel it, it is better not to ride: The horses can smell your fear."

Glancing at the brown mare still held by the boy, I thought for a moment before moving my hand towards the horse. When she didn't react negatively, I stroked her and told Tricia I wanted to try. Beaming, she gave me a lot of advice and soon we were on our proud steeds on a muddy path towards the forest surrounding the manor. Quite frankly, it wasn't that complicated, in fact I didn't even have to do anything. Tricia never increased the pace and the horse wandered on its own, following the paths more or less formed by old rides. Within an hour we were home and I had never seen Tricia so alive, except perhaps when she returned from an evening at the opera with Sheryl.

Not far from half an hour later, as I was busy braiding Tricia's hair, the door to her room slammed open, letting in a sulky Road who soon collapsed on her parents' bed despite her mother's disapproving look. She complained about her day, which she said consisted of an unravelling of horrible and unfair tutors. Less than ten minutes later, it was the grim-faced twins (even Jasdero!) who shuffled into the room before dropping to the large carpet and muttering. By then I had finished Tricia's hair and it was almost suppertime. Seeing their gloomy faces, Tricia did her best to cheer them up, even offering to eat in the greenhouse instead of the dining room since her husband wasn't there. This seemed to cheer Road up a bit and she began to chirp about her day to her mother as they went downstairs to tell the servants of the manor about the change.

"So what's going on?" I asked the twins, moving closer to them as we followed the two Kamelotts quietly.

"Villard is a dirty bastard," Devit spat, shoving his hands into his pockets. "He's always smacking us around for no reason," he growled as Jasdero nodded sharply.

"Wouldn't you like to keep teaching us? I like it when you read your books." Jasdero admitted to me.

"I'm not sure I can..." I replied to the twins, biting my lips. Ugh, I felt like I was going to regret my next proposal, but they looked so sad, it was criminal to turn them down without a solution. "I'm not qualified to be a teacher, especially not for children of nobles, Sheryl would never agree, but I can report what you said and ask him to change tutor when he gets home, if you like?" Jasdero looked at his brother, half unsure, half hopeful. Devit seemed against the idea and I thought it was because he didn't want to show weakness to Sheryl but he finally nodded grudgingly.

With a smile, I finally changed the subject, drawing them into a conversation about their favourite food and it was with rumbling stomachs that we sat at the table alongside Road, Tricia and Tyki who joined us a few minutes later. The meal was fun and it wasn't long before we moved into one of the manor's cosy little lounges. Despite the warmer weather at the end of March, the nights were still cold and it was huddled around the fireplace that you would have found us.

While I was chatting quietly on a sofa with Tyki, Tricia was embroidering in a comfy armchair and the three children were sitting on the floor on the big carpet reading or playing with dolls. When Tyki asked me which novel I liked least, I soon made a face and then went on to explain how much I hated 'Pierre et Jean'. Wanting to show him a passage that I found particularly boring to back up my point, I got up to go and get the book from the library.

By candlelight, I skimmed the old volumes, enjoying the dusty smell radiating from the room. Having already spotted the location of the book a few months earlier, it didn't take me that long, despite the gloom, to find it. Withdrawing it with a victorious noise, I soon blew out my candle and closed the library door before running down the steps towards the living room. However, as I approached the room, indistinct noises much louder than they should have been drew my attention. Approaching the half-open door, I glanced inside to observe the scene. Sheryl, who had returned two days early, still in his coat and hat, held Road on his hip, laughing as she hugged him and held a more than reluctant Tyki with his other arm. On the sofa, Tricia had put down her embroidery to watch, with a look of love, the trio, surrounded by the twins who seemed a little confused.

With a smile on my face, I watched them all, leaning against the wall, not wanting to disturb them. Sheryl seemed so happy to be home and to see his family! He never had that smile when the servants or even I were around... And Tricia had never looked more radiant than she did at that moment, surrounded by the people she loved. And even though Tyki was blowing curses and rolling his eyes, I knew he didn't really mind being there and then Road... and then... and then...

With a lump in my throat, I ran a finger over my cheeks, looking at my wet hand in bewilderment before fixing my gaze once more on the beaming family.

Why do I...

OH.

Oh...

As if my understanding had broken a dam, my eyes became blurry and it soon seemed difficult to hold back my tears. Quickly placing the book on the nearest table, I placed my left hand over my mouth to suppress my sobs and left my right hand to cling to the railing of the stairs. Each step was like a cliff to be climbed and I had to force myself not to collapse in the middle of the stairs. At last I reached the top and stared at the end of the corridor where my room was before a shaky sigh escaped me. It was too far! I couldn't reach it, I had to stop, I had to scream, I had to cry, now, now.

Stumbling through the nearest door, I barely had time to notice that it was the music room before I collapsed to the floor against the wall, my body shaking uncontrollably. Breathless, panicked, I naturally locked my knees with my arms before hiding my head in them. It was silly, ridiculous, even worse for breathing, but... it made me feel better. A sob passed my tight lips and I couldn't hold them back any longer. One after another, my cries were heard, echoing in the empty room. Although I could not find it in me to care at the moment, fortunately my moans were still quite faint and surely could not be heard from the hallway.

My brain was confused and I tried to calm myself with long, steady exhalations. This was stupid, really stupid, why was I snapping now? I had been here for three months, and I had seen family scenes like this many times, but still, still... I missed my family so much! Maybe my heart had finally assimilated what my mind had understood right away. This was not a dream, a game or a time-limited trip...

This was the reality.

How could I even hope to go back to my old life when I had no idea how I got there? It was stupid, unrealistic, I was just running away from reality. I had to face the fact that I was no longer Estelle but...

"Eve?" Hesitated a small voice on my left.

Raising my head, my face surely ravaged by tears, I saw a thin, dark figure in the frame of the half-open door.

"Road...?" I whispered in a hoarse, brittle voice before running a hand over my face as if I could erase all evidence of my crying so simply.

"What is it?" she asked, taking a few deliberately slow steps towards me.

"It's nothing... nothing at all... I'm just a little tired." I replied, forcing a smile on my lips before placing a hand on the wall to try and push myself to my feet. But before I could begin my movement, a small hand came to clasp mine, forcing me to look into the little girl's eyes.

"Eve, what's going on?" she asked again, her voice calm and collected, far from what one would expect from a girl of that age. It wasn't her question that set the pain in motion again, but the name I had carried for only three months, which now defined me. Like a puppet whose strings had been cut, I collapsed against the wall again, my eyes glistening with tears and my lips turned resolutely downwards as if a weight prevented them from rising again. Not even a second later, the little girl was settling into my arms, one hand stroking my hair and the other gripping my shoulders. Automatically, my arms hugged her back, desperate for the lack of cuddling over the last few months and as if on cue, my body shook again with violent sobs.

It might well have been a minute or two, or even ten before I opened my mouth again, other than to choke on the air.

"I... I... I miss them so much..." I finally huffed, trying to form my diffuse thoughts into intelligible sentences.

"Who?" Road whispered as if not daring to raise his voice for fear I would shut down.

"My... my family." I stammered before a mirthless laugh escaped me. "I'm... 18... now..." I said, incredulously, thinking about the random age I had pulled out for them a few weeks earlier. "And I... I... now... I'll never celebrate my birthday with them again because they..." because I... "because they..." ...am... "are..." ...no longer there. "no longer there." I whispered at last, my voice breaking on the last words.

And suddenly, as if saying it out loud had made me accept the fact that I would never see them again, my crying subsided to mere inelegant sniffling.

Road's arms tightened around me, and I savoured the human, or at least almost human, warmth that enveloped me like a protective cocoon. Finally, my crying subsided until I was left with only the ravages of my face to show for their presence. Untying my arms from the girl, I let her back away as I breathed in very deeply to regain some semblance of calm.

It may have been a cliché, but I felt as if a weight I had never noticed had been lifted from my shoulders.

"Thank you." I murmured with a probably too fragile smile as she squeezed my hand in response.

Still half asleep, I buried myself a little deeper in my blankets. I knew I would have to get up soon... but I just couldn't be bothered. Suddenly, the door slammed with a sound to wake the dead and a demon from hell landed with an inhuman scream on my bed, a misplaced elbow digging into my belly and taking my breath away.

"Happy birthday!" Shouted a high-pitched voice far too close to my ear for comfort. Groaning, I tried to catch a few gulps of air as...

Wait...

What?

"What?" I choked, turning around so I could look the devil, aka Road, in the eye.

"Happy Birthday Vivi!" she chirped again as my bedroom door flew open once more to reveal a worried Tricia, an annoyed Sheryl, a yawning Tyki and curious twins.

Vivi? Birthday? But what had she taken...? Thinking that perhaps this sudden exclamation was due to our conversation last night, I racked my brains to try to find the cause. Ah. I thought I knew what the problem was. She must have understood from my nonsensical speech, which was just a way of mentioning the absurdity of the situation since I didn't even know my age anymore, that I was in this state because of my birthday. Which was not at all at this time of the year by the way. Sighing, I glanced at my bedside table, discovering my new unexpected birthday.

Um...

The first of April.

If that wasn't a tasteless divine intervention...

AxZi Notes: Man, that end was really the cherry on the top, don't you think? I find it really goes with the unfortunate series of events that her birthday is now thought to be April the first. Also, Road is cute, isn't she? I enjoyed the hug too- indeed, human or not, still human warmth, like that time with Allen! Thankfully she didn't get stabbed in the eye to. Haha :)

Ennael Notes: I wrote a 23 pages (about 12k words) long bonus chapter for STB where Noahs talks about some secret 'cause my French chapters hit 100 reviews some month ago. You know what you have to do if you want a translation of it :p

Also, last year, in October, I asked my French readers if they wanted to send me fanart for the fics. (these are the drawings and fic you can find on my tumblr or AO3.) this worked pretty well so I redo it this year. Sooo if you want to create something as a draw or sidefic, send it to me or the link and i'll regroup it on tumblr so everyone can see it :D

Think about letting a review on your way out and see you on the 25th of next month!