A few days later, after the whole debacle with the elderly ghosts and the haunted store, things seemed to be returning to normalcy, though Sammy didn't count on it staying that way for long. At the moment, he and Stan were currently waiting at the counter in the gift shop, waiting for their only customer for the day, Tyler Cutebiker, to make up his mind on what he wanted to buy. Currently, he was looking for Christmas decorations, even though Christmas wasn't even for a few months. While Sammy was patient and tried to help Tyler with his Christmas shopping, Stan was much grumpier and just wanted Tyler to get out of the darn shack already.
Seeing that Tyler was still having a hard time on what to buy, Sammy walked towards him and tried to lend him some assistance. "Is there anything you see that catches your eye?," he asked politely. Tyler shook his head. "Nope, can't seem to find anything of interest," he said. "Oh, come on," groaned Stan, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Mister Pines, don't be rude," Sammy scolded lightly. "You run this place. Help him pick something out."
"Ugh, fine, fine," sighed Stan, looking around for anything that he could sell to Tyler. Normally, the conman would be a lot more enthusiastic about making a sale, but Tyler had been wandering around in the shack for so long without buying a thing that Stan wanted nothing more than to just kick him out the door. "Uh, how about these crystals?," he asked, picking up a bowl that was filled with transparent, razor sharp shards. Tyler looked inside the bowl and chuckled. "Ha ha! Looks like broken glass," he said cheerfully. "What are you, a cop?," asked Stan, putting the bowl away while his eyebrows furrowed in suspicion. "Ooh! What is that new thing?," Tyler said, quickly getting distracted by something as he walked away. Once he was immediately out of earshot, Sammy quickly confronted Stan. "Mister Pines, what are you doing?," he whispered harshly. "You can't just sell broken glass to someone! And why do you even have that?" Stan rolled his eyes. "Kid, you should already know how I do business by now. Trust me, broken glass is probably one of the least dangerous things that I sold to these yahoos."
Before Sammy could admonish him further, Dipper and Mabel suddenly walked into the room. "Grunkle Stan?," said Dipper. "Can we go to the diner? We're huuungry," asked Mabel, squeezing her stomach so that it bulged out. "Huuuuungry," groaned Dipper, doing the same thing with his own belly. Then, the twins started bumping their squished bellies together as they continued groaning playfully. Sammy couldn't help but chuckle in amusement. "I agree with you two," he said. "It's been a while since we've gone out to eat. The diner sounds nice. What do you think, Mister Pines?" "Yeah, sure," Stan agreed. "Soon as this yahoo makes up his mind." The 'yahoo' in question turned to face them. "Do you have this in another animal?," he asked, pointing at a fur trout hanging on the wall. Stan gave Tyler an unimpressed glare, then looked at the others with a mischievous grin. "I'm fine locking him inside if you are," he said.
The twins nodded eagerly, just wanting to get to the diner as soon as possible. Sammy was quick to put a stop to that, however. "Guys, we're not locking anyone in," he said. "Look, just give me a little more time to help Tyler with his purchases, alright?" "Ugh, fine," groaned Stan, rolling his eyes again. "But you only get five more minutes! After that, I'll kick him out the front door myself." Fortunately, Stan didn't need to kick anyone out that day. Five minutes was all Sammy needed to finally convince Tyler to buy two different shirts with a puma and a panther on them. After that, the group were finally on their way to the diner, the same one that Sammy went to every day to get food for McGucket. When they got there, to their surprise, the diner was filled to the brim with rowdy customers. Fortunately, they were still able to get an entire table for themselves. The owner/waitress, Lazy Susan, walked up to their table.
"Lazy Susan!," Stan greeted warmly, suddenly acting much friendlier than usual. "There's my little ray of sunshine! Where were you yesterday?" "I got hit by a bus!," Susan exclaimed in a cheerful manner. "Oh my gosh! You're not hurt, are you?!," gasped Sammy, concerned over the woman's well being. "I'm right as rain, Tammy!," replied Susan, getting his name wrong. "Ha ha ha ha! Hilarious!," Stan laughed inappropriately. "Thank you. Ha ha ha ha hee hee ho ho ho," said Susan, laughing weirdly. "You do split plates, right?," Stan asked as he picked up the menu, then quickly put it back down with a grimace when he saw how expensive the breakfast items were. "Maybe… Wink!," Susan said playfully, trying to make herself wink by pulling down one of her eyelids. "Great! We'll all split a one-fourth of the number seven, plus a free salad dressing for the lady, a small plate of ketchup for the boy, and some free breadsticks for the teen." Susan nodded and wrote down everything on her notepad before walking off with their order. "Mister Pines, are you seriously going to make us eat salad dressing, ketchup, and breadsticks for breakfast?," sighed Sammy. "I know how frugal you can be, but this is a little much."
"Yeah, we want pancakes!," Mabel exclaimed. "With the fancy flour they use these days? What am I, made of money?," asked Stan. "Mister Pines, you literally have a dollar bill sticking out of your sleeve," Sammy pointed out. Stan narrowed his eyes at him. "You didn't see nothin', kid," he said gruffly, before tapping the dollar bill back into his sleeve. "Awww…," whined Mabel, slumping her head on the table in disappointment. Dipper frowned, not really liking the idea of eating a plate of ketchup. Then, he noticed a strange, old-fashioned arcade machine at the front of the room, which had a lever and a statue of a muscular strongman on top of it. The statue was holding up a large sign that said, TEST YOUR MANLINESS. "What is that?," asked Dipper, pointing at the machine. Sammy looked at where Dipper was pointing. "Oh, it's just some kind of 'manliness tester' or something like that," he said. "Susan had it installed yesterday, though I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's meant to attract more customers or something…"
Dipper couldn't help but smirk as an idea came to his mind. "Oh, really… Don't worry guys, pancakes are on me," he said confidently. "I'm gonna win some by beating that manliness tester." "Manliness Tester?," asked Stan, raising an eyebrow in bewilderment. "Beating?," asked Mabel, doing the exact same thing. Then, after a moment of silence, both of them burst into fits of laughter, much to Dipper's confusion. "He says he's… he says he… HA HA HA HA HA HA!," laughed Stan, unable to even finish his own sentence. "What? What's so funny?," asked Dipper, feeling his confidence plummet already. "Oh, no offense Dipper, but you're not exactly 'Manly Mannington.' Ha ha ha!," laughed Mabel. Dipper's cheeks turned pink with indignation. "Hey, I am too 'Manly… Manny' or whatever it is you said," he said, crossing his arms.
Sammy couldn't help but feel bad for Dipper and tried to stand up for him. "Come on, guys, you're hardly being fair right now," he said. "Dipper hasn't even gone through puberty yet." "Sammy!," cried Dipper, his face turning even redder than before. "Oh! Sorry! Was… was I not supposed to say that?," Sammy asked sheepishly, covering his mouth with his hands. "And just like that, you proved my point," said Stan. "Look, face the music, Dipper. You got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's… 'incident.'" Dipper's entire face somehow turned even more red, something that Sammy didn't think was possible.
"Huh? What happened last Tuesday?," asked Mabel, tilting her head in confusion. "Uh, uh, nothing! Nothing happened!," Dipper cried frantically. However, that only piqued Mabel's curiosity even further. "Ooh, now I have to know! Come on, Grunkle Stan, what happened last Tuesday? Gimme all the juicy details!" "Mabel, that's enough," Sammy said sternly. "If Dipper isn't ready to talk about it, then–" "Oh, you should've been there, kid!," said Stan, interrupting Sammy. "I went to use the john, and your brother was dancing in front of a mirror and singing some kind of girly pop song! I'm pretty sure I heard the words 'disco girl' or something like that." "No way," Mabel gasped dramatically, as Dipper covered his face in embarrassment. "You were listening to girly Icelandic pop sensation 'BABBA'?" "No. Heh heh, I wasn't. It's not important," said Dipper, trying to blow it off as no big deal. He looked up at Sammy for support, and was mortified to see him holding in laughter of his own. "Sorry, Dipper," said Sammy. "But you have to admit, it's a little funny…" Dipper groaned loudly. "Look, come on guys, I'm plenty masculine. You see this chest hair?" He pulled his shirt down to reveal his bare chest, only for a bright light to suddenly shine from his chest, blinding everyone else who was at the table.
"Put it away, put it away!," cried Mabel, covering her eyes. "So smooth! My eyes!," cried Stan. "Aw man…," sighed Dipper, covering his chest up while Stan and Mabel started laughing again. "Ow, my eyes," groaned Sammy, blinking rapidly to get his vision back. "It was like staring at the sun…" Dipper huffed, eager to prove these naysayers wrong. "Fine, 'family of little faith.' Get ready to eat your words. And a plate of delicious pancakes." Dipper got up from the table and walked over to the manliness tester, while everyone else in the diner stopped what they were doing and watched him. Suddenly uneasy from the attention he was getting, Dipper just stood in front of the manliness tester and stared at the lever, not moving a muscle.
"Quit stallin'!," Stan hollered impatiently. Sammy rolled his eyes in exasperation, then stood up and gave Dipper a thumbs up. "You can do it, Dipper!," he said encouragingly. Dipper looked back at Sammy with a grateful smile. His confidence renewed, he grabbed the lever with one hand and tugged it as hard as he could. In front of him, a small light was slowly traveling up a meter, nearly reaching the top. For a moment, it seemed as though Dipper was actually going to beat the manliness tester. But then, right before he could reach the top, he finally lost his grip on the lever, causing the light to plummet all the way down to the bottom. The machine ejected a card, and whatever was written on it must have been humiliating, because Dipper's entire face immediately flushed red with embarrassment. "Oh, what? This thing must be broken," he said nervously, quickly turning around with an insecure smile. "It's totally broken, guys. It's like a million years old, probably ran out of steam power or–" Suddenly, one of the other customers in the diner, Manly Dan, stood up from his table and strode over to the manliness tester, pushing Dipper out of the way while cracking his knuckles in preparation. "It's rickety man, you shouldn't even–," said Dipper, before Manly Dan easily pushed the lever with only his pinkie.
The small light immediately flies up the meter at blinding speeds before reaching the top, causing the machine to suddenly explode, sending a bunch of pancakes flying into the air, and miraculously, the pancakes were somehow able to land on everyone's plates perfectly.
"Yes! Pancakes for everyone!," yelled Manly Dan, pumping his fists in the air. Everyone else in the diner cheered for the giant lumberjack. Meanwhile, a pancake dropped onto Dipper's head, further adding to the humiliation, while Stan and Mabel started laughing at him again. The only person besides Dipper who wasn't cheering or laughing was Sammy, who only stared at Dipper with sadness and pity. Somehow, that look of pity on Sammy's face hurt Dipper more than anything else. He couldn't bear to stay here any longer. He had to get away.
"I need to get some chest hair and fast," murmured Dipper, running towards the exit. But then, a beaver suddenly popped its head out from beneath the floorboards, causing Dipper to trip over it. He quickly got back up and brushed himself off, but the damage had already been done. "I'm fine! Heh heh! Everything's fine!," he said, before running to the door. "Dipper, wait!," Sammy called after him, holding up a plate of pancakes that was meant for Dipper. "At least eat something before you–!" Ignoring him, Dipper ran out the door without looking back. "...run off like that," Sammy said lamely. Meanwhile, Stan and Mabel had finally stopped laughing, but they were still quite amused by what just happened. "Yeesh! How am I related to that?," asked Stan, chuckling to himself. Sammy could only stare at him in frustration and bewilderment. "Are you kidding me?," he asked angrily. "Come on, kid, it was all in good fun," Stan reassured him. "Yeah," Mabel agreed. "We were just joking around, Sammy." Sammy huffed, then grabbed a nearby paper bag and angrily shoved Dipper's pancakes into it. "Uh, what are you doing, kid?," asked Stan, raising an eyebrow. "I'm taking these pancakes to Dipper," said Sammy, refusing to make eye contact with the conman. "He hasn't eaten anything before he left and he's going to get hungry out there." Stan and Mabel glanced at each other worriedly, realizing that they might have taken this too far, considering how rare it was for Sammy to ever get angry.
After he finished packing up Dipper's pancakes, he got up from the table and gave both Mabel and Stan a disappointed glare. "Both of you should know how sensitive Dipper is about his masculinity," he scolded. "I'm disappointed in you two. Especially you, Mabel. I somewhat expected this from Mister Pines, but not from you, Mabel. And while I'm gone, I hope the two of you will think really deeply about what you said to Dipper." Then, Sammy left their table and walked out of the diner with a huff, leaving a rather uncomfortable Stan and a really distraught Mabel. For Stan, this was the second time that Sammy showed any anger towards him, with the first one being that time when Stan wanted Mabel to marry Gideon so he could get some of that sweet, sweet cash from the Gleeful family's profits. It was uncomfortable for him the first time, and it was uncomfortable for him now. Meanwhile, Mabel felt a huge wave of guilt wash over her, and as she thought about it, she realized that she really was kind of mean to Dipper for no reason. The two of them stayed at their table, their pancakes completely forgotten.
"Well… that just happened," Stan said awkwardly. "Grunkle Stan, do you really think we were too hard on Dipper?," Mabel asked guiltily. But before Stan could answer, Susan finally came back to their table. "Food!," she said, putting their food on the table next to the pancakes. "Thanks there, sugar pot. I-I mean, I mean uh honey wasp, kitten baby, b-baby cow," Stan said nervously, practically sweating bullets. Mabel looked at her grunkle in suspicion, wondering why he acted so nervous around Susan, while also forgetting about Dipper and Sammy.
Meanwhile, after Dipper left the diner in embarrassment, he got sprayed by a broken fire hydrant, had the unpleasant luck of seeing Blubs and Durland running around said fire hydrant with their shirts off, and bumped into a woman, only to run off crying after misinterpreting the woman's words when she asked him where to find the mailman. Needless to say, his confidence was at an all-time low, and the only place he could think of where he could be completely alone was the woods. So that was where he ran off to, and after that, he tried to gain some muscles by bench pressing a small branch. "2…3…4…," he counted, straining under the weight of the branch, even though it was so light that Mabel could pick it up with just one hand.
Unfortunately for Dipper, he could only do four reps before tiring out. He tossed the branch aside, then pulled down his shirt and looked at his chest. There was not a single chest hair to be found. "No chest hair yet," he sighed, slumping onto the ground tiredly. "Is it physical, is it mental, what's the secret?," he asked as he stared up at the sky. He waited for a moment, as though he was expecting an answer, but of course, none came. None, except for a familiar voice suddenly calling out his name. "Dipper! Dipper! Where did you go?" Dipper sighed once again. "I'm over here, Sammy!," he called out. He heard footsteps crunching in the leaves, then saw Sammy's face hovering over him. "There you are!," the teen sighed in relief. "I was worried about you, especially after what happened back in… um, back in the diner." "How did you find me anyway?," asked Dipper, sitting up. "I just asked around," Sammy answered. "There was a woman who saw you running in the direction of the woods. She said you were… crying." Dipper groaned and laid back down in embarrassment, covering his eyes with his arm.
Sammy sat down next to Dipper with his arms around his knees. "Dipper, you shouldn't take what Stan and Mabel said to you so seriously," he said, trying to comfort him. "Don't worry, I already scolded them before leaving to find you." "You did what?!," Dipper gasped, staring up at him in horror. "Sammy, why would you do that?!" "W-what do you mean?," asked Sammy, confused by Dipper's reaction. "Ugh, Sammy, those two already think I'm not manly enough!," cried Dipper. "You telling them off like that is just gonna make them think I can't even fight my own battles!" "Oh… sorry," Sammy apologized, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "I didn't really think about that. I didn't mean to–" "No, no, it's fine," sighed Dipper, waving off Sammy's apology. "I appreciate you standing up for me. Really, I do. It's just… I don't want you to keep doing everything for me. How am I gonna become a man if I never confront my problems on my own?" "There's no shame in accepting help every once in a while," said Sammy. "And besides, you never worried about being 'manly' before. What changed?" Dipper sighed heavily. "It's what Mabel and Grunkle Stan said back at the diner," he explained. "I was mad at them at first, but I soon realized… they were right. I'm not manly, and I've never been manly. I just can't believe it took me so long to realize that…" "Dipper, you shouldn't let what they said get to you like that," said Sammy. "They were being unnecessarily mean, sure, but they were just poking a little fun at you. And you're only twelve years old. You shouldn't be worrying about your 'manliness' so soon." Dipper remained silent, still seemingly unconvinced by Sammy's words.
"I think I know what might cheer you up. Here," said Sammy, showing Dipper the bag of pancakes. "You didn't eat any breakfast before leaving, so I packed up some of the pancakes for you." Dipper smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Sammy. Hey, I got some beef jerky with me as well. You wanna share them?," he asked. "Sure," said Sammy, smiling and nodding.
Dipper took a bag of jerky out of his vest and opened it. The two of them were about to dig in, when suddenly, the ground began to shake, as though something large was stomping around, and a loud roar echoed through the woods. Many wild animals suddenly passed by them, fleeing from whatever was making that terrible noise. Surprisingly, Manly Dan was also running for his life. He saw the boys and stopped for a moment. "For the love of all that's holy, run!," he yelled fearfully, before running away again. "S-Sammy? W-what's going on?," Dipper asked nervously. "I have no idea," said Sammy, just as afraid as Dipper. Suddenly, a nearby tree was knocked over by something large and hairy. The tree fell towards them, but Sammy was able to move himself and Dipper out of the way in time. The giant animal that knocked over the tree and made that noise earlier was unlike anything that they had seen, other than in fairy tales and storybooks. It had brown, dirty hair all over its body, gigantic biceps, bull horns on top of its head, hooves for legs, and a beard. A half-man, half-bull creature. A minotaur.
Both Dipper and Sammy let out terrified screams, though Dipper's scream was more high-pitched than he wanted it to be. "Wait… sorry," he said, before trying to scream in a much deeper voice, only to start coughing. The minotaur loomed over them and let out another roar, which quickly turned into a loud yawn. As a deer tried to run past him, he snatched the poor animal and used its antlers to scratch its back before tossing it aside. Then, the minotaur finally noticed Dipper and Sammy cowering in front of him and easily knocked away the tree that they were hiding behind. "Please don't eat us!," Dipper cried fearfully. "We haven't showered! In like a week! And, we're all elbows! Elbows, and gristle!" "YOU…!," the minotaur boomed, pointing at the two of them. Dipper crouched into a ball while Sammy quickly scooted in front of Dipper to shield him from the minotaur, feeling like his heart was about to burst from his chest.
"Gonna finish that?," asked the minotaur, suddenly much calmer than before. Dipper and Sammy were momentarily confused, then realized that the minotaur was actually pointing at the bag of jerky that Dipper just opened up. "No," Dipper said nervously, tossing the bag of jerky to the minotaur, who started tearing into it ravenously. "Oh my goodness," Sammy murmured in astonishment, staring at the creature with wide eyes. "I never thought I'd see a minotaur of all things in Gravity Falls…" However, the creature turned out to have sharper hearing than Sammy had anticipated, and rose up to his full height, staring down at them. "A minotaur?," he boomed. "Who you callin' a minotaur?" Sammy and Dipper looked at each other in confusion. "Um… you. Hold on, aren't you a minotaur?," asked Dipper. The creature snorted, seemingly offended. "The minotaurs are nothing but a bunch of wimps!," he growled. "I'm not a minotaur! I'm a manotaur! Half man! Half… uh… half taur!" The self-proclaimed "manotaur" punched the ground with each word, causing the ground to shake. "So did I, like, summon you or–?," asked Dipper.
"The smell of jerky summoned me! JERKY!," yelled the manotaur, punching a tree down and smashing a boulder against his head, shattering it into little pieces. Sammy barely managed to dodge one of the pieces, which would've hit him right in the eye if he hadn't moved in time. It was already apparent to Sammy that this new creature was really careless, or at least ignorant of his surroundings, which already gave him a less than stellar first impression.
"YEAH! Ha ha! Heh," the manotaur laughed, before suddenly sniffing the air. Then, he leaned down and started smelling Dipper. "I smell… emotional issues!," the manotaur spoke dramatically, looking up as his hair flowed in the wind. Dipper sighed loudly. "I have problems, Manotaur. Man-related problems," he confessed. The manotaur sat down, causing the ground to shake once again, and patted his leg. Dipper sat down and placed his head on the manotaur's leg as he began telling him about everything that went wrong today. Sammy was apprehensive about Dipper confiding his worries to a supernatural creature that they only just met, but chose to sit back for the moment and see where this could lead to. However, a small part of him felt somewhat envious that Dipper chose to confide to the manotaur instead of himself.
"Well, my own uncle called me a wimp…," Dipper began. "Uh-huh, uh-huh," said the manotaur, nodding along while listening intently. "And I kind of flunked this manliness video game thing…," Dipper continued, still feeling a little embarrassed over that ordeal. Then, as he silently observed how big and strong the manotaur was, he had an idea. "Hey, you know, you seem pretty manly. Maybe you could give me some pointers?," he asked. "Wait, what?," cried Sammy, taken aback by what he just heard. The manotaur seemed to ponder over Dipper's proposition before agreeing. "Very well," he spoke. "Climb atop my back hair, child!" He stood up and turned around, showing Dipper the dirty hair on his back, which was absolutely filthy and even had flies buzzing around it. Dipper was repulsed by the sight, but chose to shove away his disgust, knowing that this could be his only chance to finally learn the ways of manliness. "Uh… okay," he said hesitantly, about to grab onto the manotaur's back hair. But at that point, Sammy felt that he needed to step in before things could potentially go south. "Dipper, wait a minute!," he said nervously. "Are you sure that's such a good idea? Maybe you should think this through first." "Sammy, what's the big deal?," asked Dipper, confused as to why Sammy was acting so anxious about this. "I'm just gonna learn how to be a man from… hold on, what's your name?" "It's Chutzpar," the manotaur replied gruffly. "Right. I'm just gonna learn how to be a man from Chutzpar," Dipper said to Sammy. "Why are you so nervous about this, Sammy?"
"Well… I just don't want you to do anything rash, that's all," Sammy said, though in reality, that wasn't the only reason why he was so apprehensive about this. There was just something… off about this, something that Sammy couldn't quite put his finger on.
"Come on, Sammy, this is me you're talking about," Dipper said confidently. "Since when have I done anything rash? …Okay, forget I said that last part. But don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. You can come with me and Chutzpar if you want. I mean, if that's okay with you, Chutzpar?" "Eh, I don't see why not," Chutzpar replied impatiently. "But seriously, can you both hurry up already? I'm not used to staying still for this long." "Mmmm… okay, I'll come with you, just so I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't get hurt," said Sammy. But I still think this is a pretty bad idea, he thought to himself. Both he and Dipper latched onto Chutzpar's back hair, trying not to gag from the manotaur's terrible body odor. "Um, okay, Chutzpar," Sammy said nervously. "We're on your back hair now. What happens ne–?!" Before Sammy could finish his sentence, Chutzpar suddenly started running through the woods like a maniac, crashing through trees and boulders in the process. His large size clearly didn't hinder his speed in any way, and it took Dipper and Sammy all of their strength just to hold on for dear life. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!," Chutzpar laughed, having the time of his life. To the boys' horror, the manotaur was heading straight towards a massive gorge, showing no signs of stopping. "Dude, watch out!," screamed Dipper. Ignoring his warning, Chutzpar jumped over the gorge while roaring, "YEAH!" at the top of his lungs. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!," Dipper and Sammy screamed in unison as they shut their eyes, certain that they were about to plummet to their deaths. Instead, Chutzpar crashed through the side of a mountain on the other side of the gorge. When Dipper and Sammy opened their eyes, they realized that they were now inside a cave, which was filled with other manotaurs of varying shape and color, though each of them were about as large as Chutzpar.
"Whoa…," gasped Dipper, amazed by what he was seeing. "This place is amazing!" He and Sammy got off Chutzpar's back, still slightly shaken from their near-death experience. "The gnomes live in the trees, the merpeople live in the water, 'cause they're losers!," said Chutzpar. "But we Manotaurs, crash in the MAN CAVE!" He then rang a giant gong, grabbing the attention of the other manotaurs. "BEASTS!," Chutzpar announced. "I have brought you, two hairless children!" "Um… hello," Sammy said nervously, giving a small wave. "...S'up," said Dipper, just as nervous as Sammy. Then, Chutzpar proceeded to introduce them to the other manotaurs. "This is, uh, Pubetor, Testosteror, and Pituitor. And you two are?" "My name's Dipper…," said Dipper. "And I'm Samuel, but you can all call me, um… Sammy," said Sammy.
Immediately, the manotaurs started booing and jeering at them. "Huh? Why are they booing at us?," Sammy whispered to Dipper. "I don't know. Maybe it's because of our names?," Dipper whispered back, before speaking louder to address the manotaurs. "Um, actually, my name is Dipper the… uh, Destructor? And this is my friend, Sammy the… Obliterator?" To their surprise, the manotaurs were much more approving of their new names, nodding their heads and murmuring with approval. "Dipper the Destructor and Sammy the Obliterator want us to teach them the secrets to our manliness," Chutzpar explained. "I need your help! Look at this guys! Look at this!," Dipper cried desperately, pulling down his shirt to show the manotaurs his bare chest, which didn't have a single chest hair. "I must confer with the High Council," said Testosteraur, before huddling up with the other manotaurs. The group began talking amongst themselves quietly, but things quickly turned violent when one of them said something that the other didn't like. "I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE!," roared Testosteraur, punching Pituitaur right in the face. An all-out brawl between the manotaurs occurred, with even Chutzpar running and joining in on the action. Sammy stared at them in shock, finally realizing why he was feeling so nervous about this earlier. Back in the woods, there was something about Chutzpar that set him on edge, and those other manotaurs were giving him the exact same feeling. Now he knew why. These manotaurs seemed to value masculinity to a really unhealthy degree, and the violent brawl currently happening between them was further proof of that. He imagined Dipper being taught by the manotaurs, eventually becoming exactly like them, even down to their violent and toxic behavior. The image alone was enough to send shivers down Sammy's spine.
Meanwhile, Dipper's thoughts were the opposite of Sammy's. At long last, here was his chance to become the "man" that he had always dreamed of becoming. Sure, he was going to be learning from a group of half-bull half-human creatures with severe temperamental issues, but hey, he was going to take what he could get. "I like these guys," he said, a big smile on his face, not noticing the look of sheer horror that had appeared on Sammy's face.
Eventually, the manotaurs stopped their fight and turned to face Dipper and Sammy. "After a lot of punching, we have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets," said Testosteraur. "Denied!," yelled Pituitaur, punching himself in the face. Sammy couldn't help but feel a huge sense of relief upon hearing their decision. "Well Dipper, it looks like they've made up their mind," he said. "Let's not waste any more of their time. Come on, let's get back to Stan and Mabel." He grabbed Dipper's hand and was about to walk out of the cave with him, but to his surprise, Dipper slapped his hand away and angrily confronted the manotaurs.
"Denied? Ok, fine. That's ok with me. Obviously you guys think it would be too hard to train me. Maybe, you're not man enough to try," said Dipper, crossing his arms with a confident smirk on his face. Sammy and the manotaurs gasped in shock. "Dipper, what are you doing?!," he whispered through gritted teeth. "Not MAN enough?!," Testosteraur roared, stomping towards them. "Destructor…," Chutzpar said to Dipper warningly, being the only manotaur in the cave who wasn't offended by Dipper's words. "Not MAN enough?!," Testosteraur repeated, looming over them. "He didn't mean it," said Chutzpar, trying to calm the angered manotaur down, but to no avail. Sammy tried to give Dipper a protective hug, but Dipper pushed his arms away and continued glaring at Testosteraur. "I have three Y chromosomes, six adam's apples, pecs on my abs and FISTS FOR NIPPLES!," the angry manotaur yelled, lifting his arms up to reveal that he really did have two fists where his nipples should've been. Sammy had to try really hard not to gag at the sight. But despite the obvious danger they were in, Dipper continued to mock the manotaurs. "Seems to me you're scared to teach me how to be a man. Hey, do you guys hear that? It sounds like… Bock-bock. Bock. Oh, that's weird– Bocock, bocAW! Is that?- BACAWK! That sounds like– BACAW! Yeah, a bunch of chickens!," he said, laughing at them.
The manotaurs gasped at the sheer audacity of that human to mock them right to their faces, but it was also enough to convince them to huddle together again. "Heh, all according to plan," said Dipper, rubbing his hands together like he was an evil mastermind. Finally having had enough, Sammy angrily flicked his finger at the back of Dipper's head. "Ow!," cried Dipper, rubbing his head. "What was that for?" "I should be asking you that question, Dipper!," Sammy scolded, making sure that the manotaurs couldn't hear them. "Why were you antagonizing the manotars like that? Didn't you see how much danger we were in just now?" "Okay, I understand why you're upset right now, but trust me, I know what I'm doing," Dipper reassured him. "I was only riling them up because I needed to change their minds. They're the only ones who can teach me how to be a real man. I can't let that opportunity get away from me!"
"Dipper, we just saw them beat the living daylights out of each other," sighed Sammy. "I seriously doubt they could teach you anything." "At least give them a chance, Sammy. Please," begged Dipper, giving him the ol' puppy dog eyes. Sammy tried to stay firm, but quickly lost the battle. "Gosh darn it, Dipper," he groaned. "You've got to stop using that against me. You know I can't say 'no' whenever you and Mabel give me that look." "So does that mean you'll let them teach me?," Dipper asked hopefully. Sammy thought it over for a moment. "Fine," he conceded. "If the manotaurs agree, we'll stay for a little while longer and see what they have to offer. Just… please be careful, okay?" "I will! Thanks, Sammy!," said Dipper, giving him a hug.
Finally, the manotaurs finished their discussion - without any punching this time - and turned to face Dipper and Sammy. "After a second round of deliberation, we have decided to help you become a man!," said Testosteraur. "Man! Man! Man!," the other manotaurs started chanting. "Great! Thanks guys, whatever it is, I will not let you down," said Dipper.
Now that the initiation has begun, the manotaurs led Dipper and Sammy out of the cave and through the woods, eventually reaching an empty clearing. Oddly enough, there was a hole in the middle of the clearing, just big enough for someone to reach their arm through, and there was also a sign right next to it with Pain Hole written on it. "Being a man is about conquering your fears," Chutzpar explained. "For your first man task, you must plunge your fist– INTO THE PAIN HOLE!," Testosteraur boomed dramatically. The other manotaurs winced.
"The what…?," asked Dipper. Without answering him, Testosteraur walked up to the pain hole and plunged his fist into it. He waited for a moment, but nothing seemed to be happening. Growing overconfident, he scoffed. "Pain hole, schmainhole–" Suddenly, the manotaur started screaming in absolute agony, his eyes bulging out of his head, sweat pouring down his face, the veins in his forehead bulging out like worms. "WAHHH! AHHH! AHH!," he screamed, slapping and punching himself to take his mind off the pain. Dipper stared at the scene in front of them, his face now scared and pale. Sammy wasn't faring much better. In fact, he had to resist the urge to throw up a little. Hearing that manotaur's screams brought up some nasty memories from Sammy's past, memories that he preferred to forget about completely…
Not even ten seconds had passed before Testosteraur finally ran away from the pain hole, clutching his hand while still howling in pain. Then, the other manotaurs stared at Dipper, as though they were expecting him to do something. It didn't take long for both of them to figure out what they wanted him to do. "No. No! Absolutely not!," yelled Sammy, wrapping his arms around Dipper protectively. "You are not going to make Dipper stick his hand into that hole! Didn't you see what just happened?!" "If Dipper the Destructor wants to become a man, then this is something he has to do," Chutzpar said firmly, crossing his arms. "If he doesn't stick his hand into the pain hole, then he will never become a man!" "Man! Man! Man! Man!," the other manotaurs started chanting, with Pituitor punching another manotaur in the face.
Sammy was about to tell them off again, but to his surprise, Dipper suddenly squirmed out of his arms and started walking towards the pain hole. "Dipper!," he gasped, grabbing his arm. "What do you think you're doing?" Dipper turned back to look at him, and Sammy was taken aback by the sternness in the boy's eyes. "You heard what Chutzpar said, Sammy," he said. "I have to do this, or I'll never become a man." "But didn't you see what just happened to Testosteraur?!," cried Sammy, trying to make Dipper see some sense. "He ran away screaming in pain, and he's a manotaur! This isn't worth it. We should leave." The manotaurs immediately began booing and jeering at Sammy. "Oh, put a sock in it, you, you… dumb cows!," Sammy snapped at them. "Sammy!," groaned Dipper, wrenching his arm away. "Don't talk to them like that! They're only trying to help me! Just… let me do this! Okay?" Before Sammy could stop him, Dipper stomped up to the pain hole and immediately plunged his fist into it.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!," Dipper screamed at the top of his lungs, his scream being so loud that even the birds were scared away. In a flash, he withdrew his hand and collapsed to the ground, clutching his hand painfully while tears were streaming down his face. "DIPPER!," cried Sammy, running towards him. He kneeled next to him and quickly checked his arm for injuries, but to his surprise and confusion, Dipper's arm seemed to be completely fine.
"Good work, Destructor," said Chutzpar, nodding his head in approval. "You were able to pass the first trial, but there are still many more trials to go through before you can call yourself a man." "No!," yelled Sammy, glaring up at Chutzpar. "No more trials! Just look at him! He's in serious pain! He can't go on much longer!" "You want him to become a man, don't you?," asked Chutzpar, narrowing his eyes at Sammy. "There's more to life than being 'manly', Chutzpar!," Sammy retorted angrily, before gently helping Dipper back to his feet. "Come on, Dipper. We're getting out of here. It was a mistake to–" "No," mumbled Dipper, shaking his head vehemently. "I'm not leaving yet." "What?," gasped Sammy, unable to believe what Dipper said.
"I said I'm not leaving yet," said Dipper, wiping his tears away. "Not until I finally become a man." The manotaurs cheered rowdily. "That's the spirit, Destructor!," said Chutzpar. "A real man always gets back up, no matter how much pain they're in!" "Dipper, this is crazy!," Sammy hissed through gritted teeth. "These manotaurs are crazy! You can't stay here! It's not safe!" But Dipper shook his head. "If this is the only way for me to become a man, then I'll do whatever it takes," he said firmly. Judging by the look in his eyes, it was clear that there was no changing his mind. "Dipper, I… I…," said Sammy, lost for words. Dipper tried to give Sammy a reassuring smile. "It's gonna be okay," he said calmly. Then, before Sammy could say anything else, he was led away by the manotaurs to his next trial. Sammy had no choice but to follow them, and all the while, his mind was racing as he wondered what they got themselves into…
For nearly the rest of the day, the manotaurs had Dipper do some of the most dangerous and ridiculous stunts imaginable, such as making him pull a wagon filled with manotaurs, gluing beard hair on his chest, making him hop across a river of hungry crocodiles, forcing him to stare at motivational posters for an hour straight, getting him to drink from a fire hydrant, and even making him jump across a wide gorge. Throughout it all, Sammy stayed on the sidelines and watched with concern, fearing that Dipper could get himself seriously hurt at any time. There were dozens of times where he tried to help Dipper, but the manotaurs would always boo at him, causing Dipper to become embarrassed and make him go away. Finally, after hours of nonstop training and trials, Dipper was allowed to relax by sitting in an underground hot spring with Chutzpar and some other manotaurs. "Guys, I just wanna say that these last few hours have been… I-I feel like there's really been some growth," said Dipper. "I have a growth!," said one of the manotaurs, pointing at a large growth that covered half of his face. "Glurk, you are hilarious today!," said Dipper, laughing. Glurk clicked his tongue in appreciation.
"It's just you guys took me under your wing, and have just been so supportive," said Dipper. "Oh, stop," chuckled Chutzpar, waving his hand bashfully. "No, you know what? You really have been. I think I feel like I'm finally becoming a man here," Dipper said with a proud smile on his face. "Not yet, Destructor," said Chutzpar. "One final task remains. The deadliest trial of all." With a confident grin on his face, Dipper clenched his fist. "I've survived forty-nine other trials. Whatever it is, bring it on!," he said. "Yeah!," the manotaurs cheered.
Suddenly, Dipper heard someone clear his throat loudly from behind him. He and the manotaurs turned their heads and saw Sammy standing near the hot spring they were bathing in. His hands were on his hips, his foot was impatiently tapping on the ground, and there was a disappointed frown on his face, indicating that he was far from happy. "Oh, uh, hey Sammy," said Dipper, giving him a small wave. "I was wondering when you'd join us. You wanna get in here with us? The water's really soothing." Sammy sighed in frustration. "Dipper, do you mind if we have a talk?," he asked. "Oh, sure," said Dipper, nodding his head. "After I finish my last trial, we can talk." "No, I was hoping we could talk right now," said Sammy, his eyes straying towards the manotaurs. "You know… alone." However, Dipper knew what Sammy was insinuating, and he didn't like it one bit. "I don't know what you have to say that my friends can't hear about," he said, gesturing to the manotaurs. Sammy visibly bristled at Dipper's attitude. "Dipper, they are not your friends," he said, crossing his arms. "How 'bout you say that to our faces?," growled Testosteraur, standing up from the hot spring menacingly. "Whoa, calm down, Testosteraur," said Dipper. "We should hear him out, okay?" Testosteraur grumbled under his breath as he lowered himself back into the water, glaring at Sammy. "You shouldn't stay here any longer, Dipper," said Sammy. "I want you to get out of the water, put your clothes back on, and come with me. We're going back to the Mystery Shack." "What?," gasped Dipper. "No way! I can't leave now! I still have one last trial to complete!" "Well that's too bad," Sammy said in a stern voice. "I'm putting my foot down this time. We are going back, and that's final."
Chutzpar glared at Sammy, then leaned down and whispered into Dipper's ear. "He wants you to fail," he whispered. "He doesn't want you to become a man. He wants you to be a weak little sissy forever so you'll always be dependent on him. Are you gonna let him do that to you, Destructor? Are you gonna let him snatch away everything that you've worked for?" In any other circumstance, Dipper would've immediately seen the absurdity in what the manotaur said to him. Deep down, he knew that Sammy would never do such a thing. But the peer pressure that he was feeling from the manotaurs, combined with the unfairness of being so close to his goal only to be stopped by someone he trusted immensely, was enough to send Dipper over the edge and make him do something that he would come to regret really quickly.
"Ugh, Sammy! Why are you like this? I'm so close to becoming a man, and now you want to take that away from me! Why don't you just get lost already?" As soon as those words left his mouth, Dipper wanted nothing more than to take back what he said. He was horrified by what he just blurted out, but it was already too late. The damage had been done.
"Wh… what?," asked Sammy, his eyes wide with shock. His voice had gone quiet, but to Dipper, it was loud enough to fill the whole cave. Time seemed to slow down for him and a huge wave of shame washed over him. At that moment, he wanted to reverse time and stop himself from ever saying those awful words. He wanted to laugh it off and claim that it was nothing more than a joke. He wanted to hug Sammy and tell him that he didn't mean a single word of what he said. But Dipper could feel Chutzpar and the other manotaurs staring at him with judgemental eyes, waiting for a response. He knew that if he tried to set things right with Sammy, it would make him look weak in front of the manotaurs, and they might end his training then and there. He couldn't bear the thought of going through all forty nine of those trials, only to have it all be for nothing. So with a heavy heart, Dipper continued on with his cruel charade.
"Y-you heard me," he said weakly. "I don't need you anymore. I'm a man now. O-or I will be, after I complete my last trial… but the point is, I don't need your help anymore, Sammy. So you can go back to the shack if you'd like. I'm staying right here, with people who are actually supportive of me…" Sammy stared at Dipper with wide eyes, lost for words. Then, he closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Okay," he said softly, his voice slightly quivering. "Okay. If that's really what you want, then I'll… get lost. I'm sorry, Dipper." He quickly turned around and walked out of the cave so that Dipper couldn't see the tears that were starting to run down his face.
Dipper watched him leave, feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. Meanwhile, all of the manotaurs booed and jeered at Sammy as he left. "You did the right thing, Destructor," Chutzpar said, nodding in approval. "He was holding you back anyway. Now there is nothing to stop you from becoming a man. Nothing but the last trial, of course. Come on, it's time for you to meet Leaderaur." "Leaderaur? Who's that?," asked Dipper. "He's the leader, duh," said Chutzpar. "He'll be the one to tell you what your last trial will be." As Dipper and the manotaurs got out of the hot spring and dried themselves off, Dipper took another glance at the cave's exit, where Sammy just left through. Once again, he couldn't help but feel guilt and shame over what he had said to him, but firmly pushed that feeling down. He mentally vowed that after all of this is finally done with, he would come right back to town and give Sammy the biggest apology in the history of apologies. For now, he had to focus on his final trial to become a man.
He kind of wished he'd eaten something, though. He was getting a little hungry…
Meanwhile, Sammy was sitting under the shade of a large tree, which was only a few dozen yards away from the manotaurs' cave. He had been about to go back to the shack, but decided to wait here instead. For him, it didn't feel right to leave Dipper on his own, even after the recent… falling-out that they had. Sammy would be lying if he said he didn't feel at least some amount of bitterness. "I just don't get it," he sighed. "After everything I've done for him, after everything we've been through… how could he just turn around and…?" He sighed again and slumped his head against the tree's bark, staring up at the leaves and the sky.
The silence and peacefulness of the nature around him eventually made Sammy rather drowsy, and he was half-asleep when a pair of footsteps roused him. He peeked around the tree trunk and saw Dipper running out of the manotaurs' cave. For some bizarre reason, the boy was now almost naked, except for a brown loincloth, was covered in tattoos that Sammy hoped were not real, and in his hand was a spear made of bones. With a determined look on his face and a newfound confidence in his stride, Dipper ran past where Sammy was hiding and straight into the woods. Sammy immediately got up and ran after him, though he made sure to stay back far enough so that Dipper couldn't hear his footsteps or see him if he decided to look back. Sorry, Dipper, Sammy thought as he ran. I know you think you don't need me anymore… but I'm not willing to take any chances. And so, for the next few hours, Dipper and Sammy ran through the woods towards an unknown location that only Dipper knew about, all while Sammy stayed just out of sight and quietly observed Dipper and how he handled himself in the wild.
To Sammy's surprise, Dipper actually had no trouble handling himself in the wild. He knew how to find berries and nuts in the woods, as well as determine which ones were safe to eat and which ones would make him puke out his insides. He also used the wind, the position of the sun, and various other means to help him figure out which way to go and not get lost in the woods. As Sammy followed Dipper and carefully observed him from afar, he was surprised and impressed by the new survival skills that Dipper had learned from the manotaurs. As seemingly ridiculous as their "training" was, it seemed that it wasn't such a waste of time after all.
Finally, Dipper arrived at the entrance of a dark cave near the top of a small mountain in the middle of the woods. For his last trial, he was apparently supposed to slay a creature called the Multi-bear and bring its head back to the manotaurs. He got his spear from the leader of the manotaurs, Leaderaur, a massive manotaur who towered over all the other manotaurs. He had pulled the spear right out of his chest and gave it to Dipper to help him kill the Multi-bear. Now here he was, about to confront this mysterious beast. There was no turning back.
Dipper walked into the cave, keeping his eye out for where this creature may be. Inside the cave were piles of bones, which made Dipper a little nervous, but he pushed that fear down and picked up one of the bones, inspecting it closely. "What is a Multi-bear?," he murmured to himself. Suddenly, he heard something large move behind him, and felt a hot breath on the back of his neck. He quickly turned around and saw a large grizzly bear towering over him, standing up at its full height. That would have been scary enough, but what made it even more terrifying was that the bear had several heads, each of them snarling and baring their teeth.
"Oh, that's a multi-bear," said Dipper, staring up at it with wide eyes. Then, to his shock, one of the heads spoke. "Bear heads, silence!," he commanded in a powerful voice. Most of the other heads went silent, but one of them continued growling, which earned him a harsh smack on the snout. "Child, why have you come here?," asked the head that spoke earlier, which was clearly the leader of the bear heads. "Multi-bear!," yelled Dipper, trying to sound brave. "I seek your head! Or, one of them, anyway? There's like– what, six? Six heads?" "This is foolish!," the multi-bear growled. "Leave now! Or die!" Instead of complying, Dipper aggressively pointed his spear at the multi-bear. "So be it!," roared the multi-bear, before charging at Dipper, who was barely able to outmaneuver him by running up a wall and doing a backflip. The multi-bear was quick to retaliate by smacking a pile of bones, sending them flying towards him. Dipper quickly dove behind a nearby rock and avoided most of the bones, but one of them managed to graze his arm, leaving a nasty scratch. As the fight went on, Sammy was standing just outside of the cave's entrance, watching fearfully while hiding around the corner. His first instinct was to run in there and save Dipper, but he forced himself to stay out of this. This is not my fight, he thought to himself. This is Dipper's fight. Come on, Dipper. You can do this. I believe in you.
Finally, Dipper was able to sneak up on the multi-bear, jump onto his back, and start choking him out with his spear. The multi-bear gasped for breath, then collapsed to the ground, exhausted and defeated. Standing over the multi-bear, Dipper raised his spear above his head, about to end the creature's life then and there. "A real man shows no mercy!," he said. But to his surprise, the multi-bear sighed heavily, as though accepting his fate. "Very well, warrior. But will you grant a magical beast one last request?" "Uh… Okay," said Dipper, confused.
"I wish to die listening to my favorite song," said the multi-bear, pointing to a tape player nearby. Dipper wondered why the multi-bear had a tape player just lying around, but decided not to question it and walked towards it. "Tape is already in there. You can just hit any– Yeah, yeah, that's it. Press and hold," instructed the multi-bear. After turning on the tape player, Dipper was shocked to hear a very familiar pop song start playing. He looked back at the multi-bear, who had his eyes closed and was bopping his head to the tune. "You listen to Icelandic pop group BABBA? I-I love BABBA," said Dipper. The multi-bear smiled at Dipper. "I thought I was the only one," he said, before his smile vanished and he turned his head in shame. "All the manotaurs made fun of me because I know all the words to the song 'Disco Girl.'" Dipper was momentarily shocked by what he just heard. Was that the reason why the manotaurs wanted him to kill the multi-bear? Because he liked a pop song? Suddenly, Dipper felt ashamed that he was ever affiliated with them. Seeing how sad the multi-bear was, he decided to cheer him up.
"Oh, you mean Disco girl…," he sang, walking up to the multi-bear. "Coming through…," the multi-bear sang back. "That girl is you! Oo-oo o-oo!," the two of them sang in unison. Dipper laughed happily. "This is crazy! Finally someone who– who understands– uh…" He noticed the multi-bear looking up at him expectantly, and realized what he came here to do. "Oh yeah," he said regretfully. "I guess I'm supposed to kill you? Or I'll never be a man?" "I accept my fate," the multi-bear said, closing his eyes again. "No! Really?," cried Dipper, distraught over the thought of having to kill his new friend. "It's for the best," said the multi-bear, nodding.
Torn over what to do, Dipper raised his spear into the air again, about to land a fatal blow on the multi-bear… then stabbed it into the ground with a loud yell. The multi-bear stared at him in surprise and confusion. "Ugh, what was I thinking?," Dipper groaned. "I can't believe I even agreed to kill you! I was about to take someone's life, and for what? To become a man? Well, if this is what I have to do to become one, then… then I don't want to be a man!"
"...so what will you do now, child?," the multi-bear asked curiously. "I'm gonna go back and confront the manotaurs," Dipper answered. "After that… I have to get back to town. There's someone there who deserves an apology from me." "An apology?," asked the multi-bear. "Care to explain?" Dipper sighed heavily. "It's… definitely not something I'm proud of," he said, then proceeded to explain what happened between him and Sammy, and how he chose to side with the manotaurs instead of him. The multi-bear listened carefully, then spoke. "It's not too late to earn forgiveness, child," he reassured Dipper. "If this 'Sammy' fellow is everything you said he is, then it won't matter to him whether he was right or not. To him, all that matters is that you are safe and sound." Dipper chuckled. "Yeah, that does sound like him," he said. "Anyway, I should go now. It was nice talking to you, and… I'm sorry for trying to kill you earlier." "Water under the bridge," said the multi-bear. "But before you leave, I must warn you that the manotaurs are not the most… reasonable bunch. They will not like having their ideologies challenged."
"After everything I've seen since coming here at the start of the summer, I think I'll be fine," Dipper reassured him. He walked out of the cave and was about to make his way down the mountain, but then, something on the ground - which definitely wasn't there before - caught his eye. It was a paper bag. Wondering who could've placed it there, Dipper picked up the paper bag, opened it up, and looked inside. He gasped at what he saw. Inside the bag were pancakes, clearly the ones from the diner. Dipper recalled when Sammy found him in the woods and they were about to eat together. Sammy had that exact same paper bag with him, and he told Dipper that he had packed up some pancakes from the diner just for him. If the bag was somehow here of all places, then that could only mean one thing. Sammy never went back to the shack. He had been following Dipper this whole time, which means he might still be nearby…
Dipper quickly ran to the edge of the ledge and looked out over the trees. "Sammy!," he hollered. "Sammy!" He waited, but there was no answer. Sighing, Dipper looked into the paper bag again and suddenly felt his stomach rumbling. For the entire day, he had nothing to eat other than a few berries and nuts that he found on the way here. Hunger quickly won out, and he immediately started digging into the pancakes ravenously. They were already cold and didn't have their usual aroma, but Dipper couldn't care less. They were still delicious.
After finishing the pancakes and even licking his fingers, Dipper picked up his spear and started making his way back down the mountain. His mind was already made up. First, he was going to confront the manotaurs, and even Leaderaur himself if he had to. After that, if he could somehow come out of that unscathed, he was going straight back to the shack. He only hoped that the multi-bear was right, and that Sammy would be able to forgive him…
Meanwhile, Sammy had already arrived back at the Mystery Shack. He was about to open the front door, but being lost in his own thoughts, he barely avoided the door suddenly slamming open as Mabel burst out of the shack while dragging a disheveled Stan along with her. "Sammy!," she cried excitedly. "There you are! This is awesome timing! Come on, let's go!" "Go? Go where?," asked Sammy, bewildered by what was going on. "Back to the diner!," said Mabel. "We're gonna hook up Grunkle Stan with Lazy Susan!" "Mabel! Don't just tell him that!," groaned Stan. "Whoops! Welp, too late. Come on, let's go already!," said Mabel.
As the three of them walked into town, with Mabel constantly urging them to hurry up, Stan finally told Sammy what had been going on while he and Dipper were away. "And to top it all off, she made Soos dress up as a woman and 'date' me! Ergh, I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my head," the conman groaned, shivering with disgust. "It seems like you've had a rough time while I was away. Poor, poor Mister Pines," said Sammy, unable to resist teasing him a little bit. "Hey," chuckled Stan, giving Sammy a friendly swing of his fist, which was really easy to dodge. "You try balancing a stack of books on your head while Mabel's screaming at you with a megaphone." "Okay, so that explains what you and Mabel have been doing all day," Sammy chuckled. "But… why are you not wearing your pants right now? And what's with the stains on your shirt? Is that vomit?" "Kid, I'll tell you the exact same thing I told Mabel. You don't wanna know," said Stan. "...I'll take your word for it, Mister Pines," said Sammy, feeling ill.
"So where have you and Dipper been the whole time?," asked Stan. "Where is that kid, anyway? Don't tell me he's still hung up about that manliness tester." "It's… kind of a long story," Sammy said awkwardly. Fortunately, they finally arrived at the diner before he could elaborate any further. "We're here!," Mabel announced loudly, barging into the diner with Stan and Sammy close behind. The diner was empty now, apart from Lazy Susan, who was hitting a broken down pie trolley. "SPIN! SPIN!," she yelled. "Lazy Susan," said Mabel, catching her attention. "Listen: I know he's not much to look at, but you're always fixing stuff in the diner, and if you like fixing stuff, nothing can use more fixing than my Grunkle Stan! Also women live longer than men so your dating pool is smaller and you should really lower your standards." "Dial it down, Mabel," said Sammy, patting her shoulder. "Alright, got anything to say, Mister Pines?"
Stan cleared his throat nervously and walked up to Susan. "So, Lazy Susan, what do you say?," he asked. Susan stared at him for a moment, then turned around and left without uttering a single word. Stan sighed in disappointment and was about to leave the diner when Susan came back with a slip of paper in her hand. "Heeeeyyyy! Here's my number. Why don't you give me a call some time?," she asked. "Really?!," asked a really shocked Stan.
"REALLY! HAHA. Also: here's some pie. On the house. For YOU!," said Susan, putting a plate of pie on the table before leaving. As Stan immediately sat down and began shoveling mouthfuls of the pie into his mouth, Mabel began screaming with joy. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE! We did it! When are you gonna call? You wanna call now? I don't have a phone. Let's buy a phone! We can put it on a credit card. Let's get a credit card." "Mabel! Let a man enjoy his pie, huh?," said Stan. "Congratulations, Mister Pines," said Sammy. "So when should we expect to hear the wedding bells, hm?" Mabel gasped happily at the thought, while Stan just rolled his eyes and continued eating his pie, though he couldn't stop a large smile from appearing.
Suddenly, Mabel saw something - or rather someone - through the window and gasped. "DIPPER!," she screamed, smooshing her face against the window. "It's me, Mabel! I'm looking at you through this glass! Right here! This is my voice! I'm talking to you from inside!" Then, the door opened and Dipper walked inside, now wearing his clothes again. "Did you see me through the–?," Mabel asked excitedly. "Yes," Dipper interrupted, before sitting next to Sammy. "Um… hey, Sammy," he said with a nervous smile. "Hey, Dipper," Sammy said in a flat voice, looking straight ahead. There was an awkward silence. "Uh… thanks for leaving the pancakes for me. I didn't have much else to eat, so… yeah, I appreciated that," said Dipper. "You're welcome," said Sammy, still refusing to make any eye contact with him. Mabel and Stan immediately noticed the tension between the two. "Yeesh, get a room, will ya?," Stan asked jokingly. Neither Dipper nor Sammy cracked a smile. "What happened, you guys?," Mabel asked worriedly.
"I don't want to talk about it," sighed Dipper. "Good," Stan said gruffly. "It's just these half man half bull humanoids were hanging out with me…," said Dipper. "Here we go," groaned the conman, crossing his arms. "But then they wanted me to do this really tough, horrible thing but it just wasn't right. So I said no," Dipper said sadly. "And the worst part is Sammy tried to warn me about them, but I didn't even listen to him. We had an argument, and I… said some things that I really shouldn't have…" "...well, I dunno what to tell you about the latter," Stan spoke. "Sounds to me like this is something only you and Sammy can figure out. But at least you were your own man and you stood up for yourself." "Huh?," asked Dipper, staring at Stan in confusion. "Well, you did what was right even though no one agreed with ya," said Stan. "Sounds pretty manly to me, but what do I know?" Dipper couldn't help but smile gratefully, glad that today wasn't such a waste after all. But there was still one more thing left to do. "I'm sorry, Sammy," he sighed. "You have every right to be mad at me. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I was under a lot of pressure at the time, and I didn't want to seem weak in front of the manotaurs. But I know that's not a good excuse for how I treated you. I understand if you won't ever forgive me…"
Sammy stared at Dipper for a moment, then smiled softly and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're safe now," he said gently. "And that's all I care about." Dipper smiled back and hugged Sammy tightly, barely holding back tears of joy. "Okay, seriously, both of you get a room. This is getting uncomfortable," said Stan. "Wait a minute, do my eyes deceive me?," gasped Mabel, leaning towards Dipper. "You have a chest hair!" Dipper quickly pulled his shirt down, and to his surprise and joy, there was a single hair now on his otherwise bare chest. He laughed. "You're right! I do! Ha ha, this is amazing! I really do! Take that, man tester! Take that, Pituitor!" "Pituitor?," asked Stan, looking at Sammy for clarification. "Like I said, it's a long story," said Sammy, shrugging his shoulders. "This guy has chest hair!," Dipper proclaimed, bursting with pride. But then, out of nowhere, Mabel leaned forward and plucked off his chest hair with a pair of tweezers. "Mabel!," Sammy scolded. "Scrap-book ortunity!," said Mabel, taking out her journal and placing Dipper's chest hair on one of its pages. Dipper stared at where his chest hair once was, then stared at Mabel in shock and bewilderment, unable to say a word.
"Don't worry, kid, if you're anything like me, there's more where that came from," said Stan, then surprised everybody by ripping his shirt open, which revealed his chest covered with more body hair than they had ever seen. "OH, GROSS!," groaned Dipper, trying to look away. Everyone at the table started laughing. "Seriously, that's disgusting," said Dipper.