Ever since the party, Dipper was in a noticeably depressed mood for a long time. Even though he tried to hide it by acting like his usual self, everyone else noticed small changes in his behavior that were rather worrying. He rarely smiled anymore, was often lost in thought, acted like a robot most of the time, and didn't even have his eye on Wendy anymore. Not only that, he was also pretty tense around Sammy and refused to make any eye contact with him. The few times that he did, he would quickly look away in shame. One day, when Sammy was cleaning the attic while the twins were out and found Dipper's journal under his bed, which had been left untouched and unread for days, that was when he realized how severe it was.
Mabel, Wendy, Soos, and Sammy tried their best to cheer Dipper up, and it often worked for a short time, but he would always regress back to his depressed state. After multiple failed attempts to cheer him up, Stan suddenly took Sammy aside one day and told him what he had in mind. "I dunno if you know this, Sammy, but tomorrow's Pioneer Day," said the conman. "Now I don't usually go to these stupid events, but I think taking Dipper there will do him some good. Maybe that boy will finally get out of his funk once he starts having some fun." "I think that's a great idea, Mister Pines!," Sammy said excitedly. "But… what is Pioneer Day?"
And so it was decided. The very next day, Stan woke up the twins bright and early, and drove them and Sammy to town. On the way there, Mabel noticed Dipper silently looking out the car window and tried to cheer him up. Opening up a bag of chips that she brought with him, she took out two of the nachos and attached them to her ears as earrings. "Ha-ha! Nacho earrings. I'm hilarious!," she said. "That's debatable," Stan deadpanned, though he gave a quick glance at Dipper through his rearview mirror, hoping that Dipper would at least crack a smile. "Mabel, I'm not in the mood," he muttered. Mabel's smile dropped and a sigh escaped her lips.
"Dipper, I know you're still upset about what happened after the party, but it's been days! You gotta get over it, bro-bro!," she said. "Mabel's right," said Sammy. "Dipper, I already told you that you don't have to feel guilty about being a bad friend. I don't see you that way." "Of course you would say something like that, Sammy," sighed Dipper, not even looking at him. "You're just nice like that." Sammy and Mabel exchanged sad, worried looks with each other.
"Alright, sad sacks, enough moping around back there!," said Stan, suddenly stopping the car. "We're here now." Snapping out of it, Dipper finally noticed where they were. The car had stopped in the middle of town, but something was very different about it. Instead of other cars, there were now covered wagons circling around them, which were being pulled by actual cows. Not only that, the designs of all the buildings were remodeled to appear more old-timey, and everyone around them were dressed in old-timey clothes. "Grunkle Stan, what's going on?," asked Dipper, looking around in confusion. Mabel looked out the window and saw one of the cows looking back at her, mooing. "I've got a good feeling about today," she said.
As the group got out of the car, Dipper held up a postcard, which showed a brown colored picture of Gravity Falls in its infancy. "Man, look at the town," he said, comparing the postcard to what he was seeing in front of him. To his surprise, the real town also appeared to be shaded in brown, but it turned out to be a bunch of workers carrying a dirty pane of glass across the road in front of them. "Dirty glass. We got dirty glass! Dirty glass."
"It's Pioneer Day," Stan explained, looking around with clear disdain. "Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded." "Why did you take us here, though?," asked Dipper. "It sounds like you don't even want to be here." Stan rolled his eyes. "Trust me, I don't," he said gruffly. Then, Toby Determined walked up to him, dressed as a paperboy. "Welcome to 1863!," he said. "I will break you, little man!," yelled Stan, rolling up his sleeves. Frightened, Toby tried to run away and crashed into a barrel instead.
Stan sighed and turned back to face Dipper. "But I figured, 'Hey! My great nephew's a huge nerd who probably likes these kinds of things! Why don't I just take him here and let him see what Pioneer Day has to offer?' Ya know, to cheer you up," he said. "I… I don't know, guys," said Dipper, looking a little uncomfortable. "I mean, I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but do you really think all of… this is going to make me feel better?" "Come on, Dipper. At least give this a chance before you dismiss it so soon," Sammy encouraged him. "Just look at all the fun activities that we could do together! Look! There's candle dipping, gold panning, and…" Sammy paused and stared, unsure on what to make of what was happening in front of them. There was a man in a suit with a woodpecker sitting on his shoulder, and there was also a priest for some reason. "I now pronounce you man and wife," announced the priest. The woodpecker pecked the man's hand. "I do!," the man declared. "...and whatever that is," said Sammy.
"What chu talking 'bout?," asked Mabel, just as confused as Sammy. "Oh yeah," said Dipper, taking out his journal and reading from it. "I remember this. In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers." Sammy couldn't help but smile just a little. It had been a long time since Dipper even bothered to open the journal, much less read from it. It must have meant that this holiday was already having a positive effect on Dipper. The woodpecker's husband must've heard Dipper, because he walked over to him. "Oh, it's still legal. Very legal," he said.
"Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!," hollered an announcer. "Let's just give it a try, Dipper. What do you say?," Sammy asked hopefully. Dipper thought it over for a while. "I guess…," he said uncertainly. "Whoo! Let's go, then!," Mabel cried enthusiastically, running to where the opening ceremony was about to take place. Dipper and Sammy started following her, but stopped and looked back at Stan. "Grunkle Stan, you coming?," asked Mabel.
"No, thank you! Just remember if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me!," said Stan, crossing his arms. The twins looked at each other with mischief in their eyes. "Thar's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!," Dipper spoke with a southern accent in his voice. "Well, hornswabber my haversack!," Mabel said with the same accent. Then, both of them spat on the ground and ran off, laughing. "DEAD TO ME!," Stan yelled after them while shaking his fist angrily. Then, once the twins were out of sight, he dropped his act.
"Looks like Dipper's finally back to his old, annoying self," Stan chuckled. "Am I just full of great ideas or what, Sammy?" "You sure are, Mister Pines," said Sammy. "I'm just glad that Dipper's no longer moping around anymore and actually having some fun again. And you're a good man, Mister Pines, for taking Dipper and Mabel to Pioneer Day to cheer them up, even though you can't stand the holiday." "I appreciate it, kid," said Stan. "But trust me, I ain't sticking around here for longer than necessary. The last thing I want is to get dragged into this town's stupid 'traditions.' So I'm gonna head back to the shack and let you watch over the twins. You can do that for me, can you?" "Don't worry, I'll watch over them like a hawk," Sammy promised. He was about to go find the twins, then stopped and looked back at Stan suspiciously. "Wait a minute… was this just a ploy to get me to watch the twins so you get to have the shack all to yourself?," he asked. "Ha! You have fun, kid!," said Stan, nervously walking away.
Sammy chuckled and shook his head at Stan's antics, then went to where the opening ceremony was being held, where he saw Dipper and Mabel in a small crowd. Standing on top of a stage were Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland, and the latter had a bell in his hand. "Here-ye, here-ye! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence," Blubs announced. "Woo! I got a bell!," cried Durland, ringing it excitedly. Suddenly, at the back of the crowd, a robber in a mask snuck up behind an old lady, snatched her purse, and made a break for it. "Oh, no! Police, my purse!," she cried. "Uh oh! Uh, you folks have a good day. Come on, Durland!," said Blubs, running off the stage and after the robber with Durland close behind him. Sammy smiled and nodded in appreciation, glad that the two cops were now taking their job seriously.
He walked up behind Dipper and Mabel. "So what did I miss?," he asked. "Not much," Dipper said with a shrug. Then, Pacifica Northwest, the girl who competed against Mabel at the party, walked onto the stage, wearing a raccoon hat on her head and old-timey clothes. "Howdy, everyone!," she spoke into the microphone. "You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich." The crowd applauded, but not very enthusiastically. "Now if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you to come on up and introduce yourself," said Pacifica. "Audience participation!," Mabel gasped excitedly.
"I don't know, Mabel. Isn't that girl kinda like your arch-enemy?," asked Dipper. "That's water under the bridge," Mabel assured him, before laughing and running to the stage. Without knowing who it was, Pacifica was about to introduce the newcomer. "Our first newcomer is…" She paused and glared at the newcomer. "Mabel…," she growled, realizing who it was. "Yeah! Let's get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys? USA! USA!," Mabel chanted. "USA! USA!," the crowd chanted with her. There was one man in the crowd, wearing merchandise that practically screamed America, who was moved to tears. "USA, USA!," he sobbed happily.
Pacifica was furious that Mabel was able to take control of the spotlight so easily, but a nasty smile formed on her face when she saw an opportunity that she just couldn't pass up. "I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous. I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?," she taunted, pointing at Mabel's sweater. Sammy could hear Dipper grumbling under his breath, and he couldn't blame him. In fact, Sammy also couldn't help but feel rather upset on Mabel's behalf. "Hey, I can be serious!," cried Mabel, glaring at Pacifica. "You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon," Pacifica said, pointing at Mabel's new "earrings." Mabel immediately covered them up while blushing in embarrassment. "Haha, wow, I'm embarrassed for you. Give her a hand everybody!," Pacifica said to the audience, who actually began applauding. Sammy looked around in shock, having no idea why they were okay with a little girl being mocked and humiliated right in front of them. Meanwhile, Dipper looked at his sister worriedly as she sadly walked off the stage.
"Now who wants to hear more about me?," asked Pacifica, basking in the spotlight. As much as Sammy wanted to march right up there and give her a severe tongue lashing, he had to make sure that Mabel was okay first. "Come on, Dipper, let's go find your sister," he sighed. The two of them left the crowd just as Pacifica and her parents were preparing for a family photo shoot and quickly caught up to Mabel. "Hey, you okay?," Dipper asked worriedly. "I need some old-timey butterscotch," said Mabel, looking down sadly. "Alright. Dipper, you stay with Mabel. I'll go buy some butterscotch for her," said Sammy. Eventually, Sammy and the twins were sitting at the base of a statue of Nathaniel Northwest while Mabel was eating her butterscotch, but sadly not enjoying it. "You shouldn't let Pacifica's words bother you, Mabel," said Sammy. "She barely even knows you, so how can you take anything she says about you seriously?" "Yeah, Sammy's right, Mabel," said Dipper. "Pacifica's a spoiled brat, anyway. What does she know?"
Mabel stayed silent for a moment. "Guys, can I ask you something? Do you think I'm silly?," she asked. Dipper paused, unsure on how to answer that question. "Uh, nnnoooo?," he said uncertainly. "I knew it!," Mabel groaned. "The nacho earrings, the sweater. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke." She threw away her nacho earrings, then took off her sweater and tied it around her waist. "C'mon, Mabel, you love that sweater!," said Dipper. "Mabel, you shouldn't ever feel ashamed for being who you are," Sammy tried to reassure her. "So what if Pacifica thinks you're silly? That should be a compliment more than anything. Being silly rules!" "I thought that too, until Pacifica ruined it for me," grumbled Mabel. "She ruins everything!" Dipper looked down at his sister with worry, then glared up at the statue of Nathaniel Northwest. It's funny, he thought. Earlier, I was the one who needed cheering up, but now, it's Mabel who needs it. Well, I'm not gonna let some rich, pompous jerk make my twin sister feel bad about herself! Somehow, I'm gonna get back at Pacifica Northwest!
"Pacifica!," he said aloud angrily. "Why does she think that being related to the town founder means she gets to treat everyone like garbage? Someone needs to take her down a peg." Then, he suddenly remembered something he read about in the journal, something that was related to Nathaniel Northwest. "Wait a minute! I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before." He took out the journal and opened it up to the page where he remembered seeing it. "Of course! Oh, this is perfect." He cleared his throat and started reading aloud in a deep voice. "'In my investigations…' Should– should I do the voice?"
"Nuh-uh," said Mabel, cringing a little. "I think your normal voice is fine," Sammy agreed. "Okay, I'll just read… normal," said Dipper, before he started reading the rest of the journal entry in his normal voice. "'In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is emburied somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code.'" Attached to the page was a folded up document that looked like it was made many decades ago. Dipper took out the document and opened it up. On the document were strange symbols and letters. "Wow," Sammy gasped. "We've dealt with the supernatural before, but this must be the first time we've come across an actual conspiracy!" "I know, right?," Dipper asked excitedly. "If this cover-up is true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud. I got to investigate this!" "Wait! I'm coming with you," Mabel spoke up. "Conspiracies are serious, right?" "Oh yeah, definitely," said Dipper, nodding his head. "Well, if I help you crack this code, then nobody could ever call me silly again!," cried Mabel. Sammy was a bit bothered by that, since he felt that Mabel was just fine the way she was, but decided not to speak up about it, trusting that she will come to that conclusion herself. "And I'm coming too, of course," he said. "Conspiracies can be fun, but also dangerous. You'll need someone to watch over you two." "It's settled, then! Mystery Trio?," asked Dipper, holding up his hand for a fist bump.
"I thought you hated that," said Mabel. "I'm starting to accept it," Dipper said with a smile. Dipper, Mabel, and Sammy exchanged fist bumps with each other. "So… where do we start?," asked Sammy. Dipper thought it over for a moment, then came up with an idea. "The library! I bet we'll find something there that we can use to crack the code in this document," he said. With a solid plan in mind, the three of them headed in the direction of the library, not realizing that there were two certain cops currently spying on them from behind the statue…
Once they got to the town library, they immediately went to the back of the room, where there was a projector that they could use to find out more about the mysterious document. Also in the library, surrounded by little kids, was Old Man McGucket with a book in his hands. At first, it seemed to Sammy that McGucket was simply reading to the children, and his heart warmed up at the sight. But then, he heard what McGucket was saying to them. "Back in the olden days, pioneers drew subsistence from telling stories 'round the fire. So let's eat some books, children! Go ahead, eat the books!" Then, he began eating the book he was holding, much to the disgust and confusion of the children. Sammy let out a small sigh of disappointment, then quickly joined the twins near the projector. "Alright, Mabel, if we can prove that Nathaniel Northwest wasn't the real founder of Gravity Falls, it'll finally put Pacifica in her place," said Dipper.
"And solving a mystery will prove that I'm not silly. I'm serious," said Mabel, putting on her best "serious face" as she started looking at a book. However, she immediately broke the image by lapping up some old candy left on the table. "Seeeeriousss…" "Mabel, spit that out," Sammy said sternly. "You don't know where that candy's been." Mabel pouted, but did as she was told and spat the candy into a nearby trash bin. Meanwhile, Dipper was placing some slides into the projector. "We just need to crack this code," he said, turning on the projector. "Let me see…" He began going through the slides, one by one. "...it's not Egyptian, it's not numerology, it's not, wait– of course!" He stopped at a slide that showed the image of a triangle with a flame beneath it. "The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!," cried Dipper. "It's so obvious!," Mabel agreed. However, Sammy was far more reserved about this idea… mostly because it was a really bad one.
"Dipper, I don't think lighting a piece of paper on fire while inside of a public building is a very good idea," Sammy warned. "Relax, Sammy, it'll totally work," said Dipper, picking up a lit candle. "Alright, let's just light this sucker up and– Mabel!," he cried, seeing that Mabel had just taken the parchment and folded it into a hat before wearing it on her head. "Mwop! I just made a hat," she said jokingly, then frowned when she realizied what she did. "Ugh, I just did something silly again," she groaned, blowing a raspberry. "To be fair, it's a really good hat you made," said Sammy. "Well done, Mabel." Dipper looked closely at the hat and noticed something.
"Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map!," he cried. "And I was gonna burn it… oops. You were right about that, Sammy. Sorry." "It's okay, Dipper," Sammy reassured him. "But… Mabel, how in the world did you fold that into a map? Did you somehow know you were supposed to do that?" "Nope!," said Mabel, shaking her head. "I just felt like making a hat, so I let my fingers do all the work. It's a gift." "That's so strange…," murmured Sammy, staring at the hat.
Then, the group heard a familiar voice from inside the library. "We're on the lookout for three kids who might be reading." They turned their heads and saw Blubs and Durland nearby, talking to a librarian. For some reason, Durland still had his bell with him. "We're hunting 'em down for secret reasons! WHOO!," howled Durland, ringing his bell loudly. Dipper, Mabel, and Sammy quickly hid under the table to avoid being spotted. "Blubs and Durland? What are they doing here?," Sammy whispered in bewilderment. "I don't know, man," Dipper whispered back. "But I think that maybe we should take this elsewhere…" The three of them quietly snuck past the two cops, which wasn't that hard, and left the library without being noticed.
"So now we have a map. Where does it lead us to?," asked Sammy. Mabel took the map off her head and looked at it closely. "This map should lead us to… The Gravity Falls Museum of History," she said. The group eventually arrived at the museum, which fortunately wasn't that far from the library. "You realize what this means, guys. We're gonna have to break in," Dipper said dramatically, squinting his eyes. They went into the museum, where a nice lady greeted them at the entrance. "...And those are your free Pioneer Day passes, and your balloons, two blue and one pink," said the lady, handing them their passes and balloons. "We're in," Dipper said in that same dramatic voice, as though they had just broken into some secret facility.
As the twins entered the museum, the lady looked at Sammy questioningly. "Is he… like this often?," she asked, referring to Dipper. "Only for today," Sammy said with a sheepish smile. "Anyway, thanks for the balloons, ma'am." He caught up to Dipper and Mabel.
"What are we gonna do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's rib cage?," asked Mabel, looking around. "Ewww, no. According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right… here!," said Dipper, stopping in front of one of the exhibition pieces. It appeared to be a stone carving, shaped into a triangle, with a mind-boggling design that Sammy couldn't make heads or tails of. "Dipper, what exactly are we even looking at right now?," he asked. "I have no idea," said Dipper. "But we've gotta figure this one out quick, I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books…" "I don't think the one with the bell can read…," said Mabel. "So what is it anyway?," asked Dipper. All three of them analyzed the carving, trying to figure out what it was about. But to them, it only appeared as a nonsensical mess. "Do you think the map was actually wrong?," asked Sammy. "Maybe," said Dipper. "Because I'm looking at this, and I have no idea what it's even supposed to be about!" Mabel quickly got bored and walked towards a nearby bench, then flipped herself upside down on it. "Hey painting, be less stupid!," she said, then gasped loudly. "It worked!," she cried. "Huh?," asked Dipper, joining Mabel and doing the same thing as her. "Wait! It's not abstract, it's upside-down!" "Well, what do you two see now?," Sammy asked curiously. "I think I've seen that statue in the cemetery," said Mabel.
"Wait. Mabel, you were at the cemetery?," asked Sammy. "Yeah. I went there on my date with Norman, remember?," said Mabel. "Let's go! Quick!," said Dipper. The twins quickly got up from the bench, but immediately started stumbling and holding their heads painfully. "Dipper?! Mabel?! What's wrong?," Sammy asked anxiously, quickly steadying them. "Head rush," Dipper explained. "It happens to us a lot more than you'd think." After the twins got their bearings back, they and Sammy ran back to the museum entrance, running right past Blubs and Durland. "Hey! Wait!," yelled Blubs, running after them along with Durland, only for both of them to get stuck in the entrance. "Dang it!" Eventually, Dipper, Mabel, and Sammy arrived at the graveyard. "Alright, keep your eyes peeled," said Dipper. "We need to look for that angel statue."
Sammy looked around and quickly spotted it. "There it is!," he said, pointing at it. The group walked towards the statue - the same one that was shown in the painting - and observed it for a while. "The statue must be pointing to the next clue," said Dipper. "I think so too," Sammy agreed. "What do you think, Mabel?" Instead of taking this seriously, however, Mabel had her nose on the statue's finger and was pretending that it was picking her nose. "Oh, gross! She's picking my nose! Ha ha!," she laughed. Suddenly, her tugging on the statue's finger caused it to bend, which opened up a secret door in a nearby grave. "Mabel, look!," gasped Dipper, pointing at it. "Nicely done, Mabel," Sammy congratulated her. "Ha! Who's silly now, Pacifica? Bam!," she cheered. However, when she tried to jump down, her nose got caught on the finger. "Ahh! Ow. Ow. Ow," she cried. Sammy quickly helped her down. Then, the three of them went down into the hole, which led them to some stairs leading to a dark hallway. "Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode. I feel so serious," said Mabel, eating some candy and tossing the wrapper over her shoulder. Sammy wanted to remind her about the dangers of littering at that moment, but decided to keep quiet, since they were in the middle of a huge investigation.
"Okay, look out for booby traps," Dipper warned. "Ha! Booby traps," Mabel giggled. But Sammy was far from amused. "Hold on. Booby traps? Did the map say anything about booby traps?," he asked nervously. "Uh… no, it doesn't," said Dipper, checking the map. "Honestly, I don't think there will be any traps in here. I only said that to make sure we–" Before he could finish his sentence, Dipper accidentally stepped on a tile on the ground, causing a tranquilizer dart to shoot out of the wall and right at him. There was no time for him to duck his head, no time for him to dodge or get out of the way. In fact, the dart probably would've hit Dipper in the face before he knew what happened. Neither Dipper nor Mabel were quick enough to see the dart coming at them… but Sammy was. No sooner did Sammy see Dipper's foot step on the tile and hear the hiss of the dart flying from the wall than he instinctively lashed out and grabbed the dart in mid-air, its sharp point just an inch from Dipper's eyeball. Dipper stared at the dart for a moment before his brain finally caught up with what was happening and he took a step back, screaming fearfully. With his other hand, Sammy grabbed the front of Dipper's shirt and pulled him forward. "Don't take another step, Dipper! You too, Mabel! We don't want to set off another trap!," he warned. Dipper nodded shakily, his complexion now pale. And who could blame him? If it wasn't for Sammy, he would've had a tranquilizer dart enter into his eyeball!
"Dipper! A-are you okay?," Mabel asked worriedly, feeling almost as unnerved as Dipper was. "I'm… I'm fine," said Dipper, even though he was shaking from head to toe. "Thank you so much, Sammy. You just saved me from becoming half-blind…" "No problem," said Sammy. He appeared calm on the outside, but his heart was actually beating a hundred miles an hour. It had been a really long time since he had to employ his quick reflexes like that…
"How did you do that, though?," asked Dipper, staring up at Sammy in awe. "You were so fast! You saw that dart coming from a mile away even though me and Mabel couldn't!" "I was just as surprised as you guys, actually," said Sammy, throwing the dart away. "I was only acting on pure instinct just now." He looked around and realized the danger they were in. He didn't see it before, but now, he could make out dozens of cleverly hidden tiles on the ground, just like the one that Dipper stepped on. He looked at the walls and noticed dozens of little holes in them, each of them small and round enough for a peg, or a tranquilizer dart, to fly out of them. "This is getting too dangerous, guys," said Sammy. "We'd better go back." "Yeah, yeah, we should… I-I mean, no!," Dipper protested. "We can't go back now! We're so close to uncovering this great conspiracy!" "Y-yeah! How's anyone gonna take me seriously if we come back empty-handed?," asked Mabel. Sammy sighed. "Guys, I only agreed to this whole thing because I thought it was going to be like a fun, harmless little treasure hunt," he said. "But now that there's booby traps involved, I can't let us go any further. I mean, who knows what other dangers are waiting for us at the end of that tunnel?" "B-but what if there's nothing dangerous at the end of that tunnel?," Dipper reasoned. "What if all the answers to the founding of Gravity Falls are just beyond those traps? Wouldn't it be a huge letdown if we just left right now, when we're so close?"
"...I don't know. It sounds risky to me," sighed Sammy. He looked towards the end of the tunnel, seeing only darkness. To him, darkness meant danger. It was something that had been drilled into him by his old drill instructor during his training in the military. But when he looked back at the twins and saw their pleading eyes, he realized that he couldn't in good conscience force them to turn back and ruin this for them. They've already gotten so far…
"...are you two absolutely sure about this?," asked Sammy. "And I want both of you to think very hard before answering." To the twins' credit, they did pause and think for a moment before answering. "We're sure," the twins said simultaneously. Sammy was impressed by their conviction, especially Dipper, who was terrified only a moment ago, but now appeared just as determined as before, if not moreso. "Alright, then," said Sammy. "We'll keep going if that's what you both want. But first, we need to figure out how to get past these traps." "Oh, yeah," Mabel said. "But how do we do that? Maybe we could just… run for it?" Sammy shook his head firmly. "No. That's far too risky," he said. "I have something else in mind. I'm going to carry both of you through the traps and try to avoid all the tiles that could set anything off. I think that's the best way for all of us to get to the other end safely. Unless either of you have any better ideas?" The twins looked at each other, then shook their heads. "Okay, then that's what we're going to do," said Sammy. "Both of you, climb onto me and hold on tightly." Without any hesitation, the twins climbed onto him, with Mabel settling herself on Sammy's shoulders and Dipper letting himself be carried in Sammy's arms. "Alright, here we go," said Sammy, taking a deep breath. Then, slowly and carefully, he made his way through the tunnel while carrying the twins.
As he slowly went through the tunnel, he had to swerve and tip-toe around the tiles on the ground, knowing that if he accidentally stepped on only one of them, it would not end well for him or the twins. The tiles were hard to see and cleverly hidden, so Sammy had to stay in place for long periods of time just to make out where the next one could be. That, as well as having to carry the combined weight of two preteens the whole time, resulted in a pretty strenuous task for him. Fortunately, he was finally able to make it through the traps to the end of the tunnel and into an underground cave that was filled to the brim with historical artifacts. He gently placed Dipper and Mabel down before catching his breath. "Phew! That was tense," he sighed. "You said it, Sammy," Dipper murmured, looking around the cave they were now in.
"Wow! It's a treasure trove of historic-y, secret-y things," gasped Mabel, staring at their new surroundings in awe. She picked up a random document from a tall stack of papers and began flipping through it. The first page showed two pictures of Abraham Lincoln, one with his hat on, and one without his hat on. Surprisingly, the second picture also showed that there was a hand sticking out from the top of Lincoln's head, which was apparently covered up by his hat. The next page showed a picture of Benjamin Franklin, only he, or rather she, had earrings and a pair of rather noticeable "lumps" on her chest. "Oh, man! Ben Franklin secretly was a woman!," Mabel giggled. "But where do we find the document that tells us who the true founder of Gravity Falls is?," asked Sammy. Dipper started searching through the stacks of papers, and it wasn't long before he found exactly what they were looking for. "Hey, jackpot!," he cried, showing them a document titled Northwest Cover-up. "Now we'll find out who the real town founder was." He opened up the document and started reading from it. "'Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud… as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot'?" The document showed two pictures of Nathaniel Northwest. One of them was the spitting image of how the town portrayed him as; a brave explorer who founded an entire town. The other picture was far less flattering. It was Nathaniel in the same pose, only instead of a flag, he was holding a shovel, and instead of the clothes that explorers back then used to wear, he was wearing filthy overalls. He was also standing on a large pile of manure.
"Oh, bad news for Pacifica. Wait'll the papers hear about this!," Dipper laughed. "Once people see that I uncovered a historical conspiracy, they can never call me silly!," said Mabel. "Well, don't just stop there! Keep reading!," said Sammy, anxious to find out who really founded Gravity Falls. Dipper continued reading. "'The true founder of Gravity Falls was sir lord, Quentin Trembley, III, Esquire.'" The next page showed a picture of a very strange man, one that they had never seen before. He had a long, narrow face, tiny spectacles, and sideburns. "Who's Quentin Trembley?," asked Sammy. "And why does he have so many titles?"
"That's none of your business!," said a familiar voice from behind them. The group turned around with a gasp and saw Blubs and Durland entering the cave with their flashlights. "Whoo! We gotcha! Whoo!," hollered Durland, ringing his bell again, but he quickly began to tire out. "Whoo! Hmm… whoo-hoo…" Durland fell down and face planted onto the ground, knocked out cold. Dozens of tranquilizer darts were sticking out of his back like a porcupine. "He got hit with quite a few of those darts," Blubs explained. After a while, Durland was eventually able to regain consciousness, though he was still a little woozy from the darts. "I hate to do this, but Quentin Trembley's a matter of national security," said Blubs. "Yeah! Ye–ah… woo. I think I might be colorblind now," groaned Durland, putting his hands on his knees.
"What do you mean, 'national security?'," asked Dipper. "Who is Quentin Trembley, anyway?," asked Mabel. "And why don't you want us to find him?," asked Sammy. "See for yourself," said Blubs, removing his hat and taking out a film reel. He walked over to a nearby projector, inserted the reel, and the projector started playing it, showing a 3-2-1 countdown that was completely in black and white. "Aww, it's black and white?!," whined Mabel. "Shh! Mabel," Dipper shushed her. Once the countdown was finished, the projector showed a government official in his office, staring at the camera. "If you're watching this, then you are one of eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete." Then, the official looked at someone off-screen and appeared to be listening to them. "–What? No? Ho! Well, that's a relief!," he chuckled, before looking back at the camera. "Of all of America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembley: The eighth-and-a-half president of the United States." "President?," Dipper and Mabel asked in unison. "Eighth-and-a-half?," asked Mabel. "Is this some kind of elaborate joke?," Sammy asked Blubs. "Just keep watching the film," Blubs ordered him.
"After winning the 1837 election in a landslide," the official spoke as the projector screen showed Trembley standing on top of a massive landslide with the other presidential candidates buried under it, "Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president. He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the Supreme Court, and issued the de-pants-ipation proclamation. His state of the union speech was even worse."
The film then showed a recording of said speech. "The only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-eating spiders!," Trembley's voice could be heard. "He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed," the government official continued. "Trembley's shameful term was erased from history and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as President and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of president Trembley's body are unknown." Then, the film finally ended. "Until now," said Blubs, walking over to a white sheet that was covering something large and rectangular. He pulled the sheet away, revealing none other than Quentin Trembley himself, encased in a block of something orange and transparent. Amazingly, the missing president's body was in perfect and pristine condition. "Whoa! Is that, like, amber or something?," asked Dipper. "The fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle," Blubs explained. "Smooth move, Mr. President! Finding Trembley's body was our special mission. And now, thanks to you, it's complete."
"Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's trail of candy wrappers?," Durland said rather tauntingly, holding up one of the candy wrappers that Mabel had left behind on the way here. "Ugh, silly!," groaned Mabel, facepalming. "Now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talkin' about it," Blubs said with a serious expression on his face. This made Dipper gasp in horror. "Does that mean–?," he asked. "Are you going to kill us?!," Mabel cried. Sammy immediately tensed up and squeezed his hands into fists, ready to beat the snot out of anyone who dared to put their hands on the twins. Fortunately, Durland seemed just as horrified as they were. "OH NO!," the deputy screamed. "No, no. Calm down now, buddy, calm down," said Blubs, calming Durland down. Then, he turned to face the others. "We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington. You ain't comin' back, by the way." "Wait… you mean you're going to kidnap us?!," cried Sammy, feeling bewildered, frightened, and angry. "But why?! Who gave you these orders?!" Blubs and Durland glanced at each other with guilty looks on their faces. It was clear that they didn't want this either. "Look, kid, none of this is personal," said Blubs. "We didn't forget how you straightened us out earlier this summer. Thanks to you, we've been trying our hardest to be the best cops we can be. And normally, I'd let all three of you off the hook. But this is different. Our orders came from the very top! Trust me, we don't wanna do this anymore than you do, but we've got no choice. Now you could either come with us peacefully, or we would have to make you. So what's it going to be, kids?"
"Oh no! What do we do, what do we do?," cried Dipper. While he and Mabel were panicking, Sammy was frantically racking his brain for any ideas on how to get themselves out of this predicament. When he agreed to help the twins with their little conspiracy hunt, he never thought it would lead to this! Judging from what Blubs just said, it seemed the two cops were given direct orders from some very powerful people in the government. And now, Sammy and the twins were about to be escorted to Washington of all places! One of the main reasons why Sammy moved to Gravity Falls was to avoid powerful entities like the government. He had put far too much money and effort into erasing every trace of his background and history. Sammy refused to let the government get ahold of him again! He absolutely refused!
With his mind made up, Sammy held his fists out in front of him. "You're not taking us anywhere. Not if I have anything to say about it," he said. Of course, Sammy didn't want to hurt Blubs and Durland - he knew that they were good people deep down - but in a scenario such as this, he was not about to go down without a fight. "Dipper, Mabel, I want you both to stay behind me," said Sammy. "This is not going to be pretty–!" Suddenly, Sammy felt something sharp and pointy plunge itself into the skin of his shoulder. He grabbed whatever was in his shoulder, then yanked it out and held it in front of him. It was a tranquilizer dart. Then, he looked at Durland, who was holding a dart gun in his hands. The barrel of the dart gun was pointed right at him. It didn't take long for Sammy to figure out what just happened. "...oh, for goodness sake," he said irritatedly. "Sammy!," Dipper and Mabel cried out worriedly. "Sammy! Sammy! Are you okay?," Dipper asked anxiously. Sammy slowly turned around and looked down at him with a large and goofy smile on his face. His eyes were now glazed over and his pupils were contracting. "I am a-okay, Dennis!," said Sammy, giving Dipper a thumbs up. Dipper blinked in confusion. "Did you just call me Dennis?," he asked. Sammy ignored his question and faced Mabel.
"Hey there, Mavis!," he said in a loopy voice. "Did you do something with your hair? Or your ears?" Then, Sammy started staring at his own hands in awe. "Wow, my hands look weird! They're so blurry and shiny…" He began erratically waving his hands in front of his face while laughing. "Uh… what just happened to Sammy?," asked Mabel. Blubs took the dart gun out of Durland's hands and observed it closely. "I don't get it," he murmured. "One dart should've been enough to put him to sleep." "Should we shoot another dart at him?," asked Durland. But Blubs shook his head. "I don't think that'll be necessary," he said. "He seems pretty out of it. He ain't much of a threat anymore." As though to prove Blub's point, Sammy started talking to Trembley, even though he was frozen solid in peanut brittle and probably couldn't even hear him. "Where did you get those cool glasses from?," he asked. "I wanna wear them! Here, take my glasses! We can trade!" He took off his glasses and held them out, waiting for Trembley to take them. Of course, he didn't. "Come on, I wanna trade! Take my glasses! Taaake theeem!"
With Sammy basically drugged up from the tranquilizer dart, forcing him and the twins to come along was fairly easy. After leaving the cave and getting back to the surface with Dipper, Mabel, Sammy, and of course, Quentin Trembley, they all piled into a police cruiser, then drove to the Gravity Falls train station, where they boarded the train that was heading to Washington. Once they were onboard, Sammy, the twins, and the petrified body of Quentin Trembley were herded and locked inside a wooden crate. The twins were now banging on the walls of the crate with their fists and screaming for help, while Sammy was just laying on the floor with that same, loopy smile plastered onto his face, too out of it to even know what was going on.
"Anyone there?! Help help help!," cried Mabel, pounding on the inside of the crate. "Hey! Let us out!," cried Dipper, doing the same thing. However, their pleas went ignored. "Look at me! I'm making a snow angel!," Sammy laughed, flopping around on the floor. "Ugh, Sammy, you got to snap out of it!," yelled Dipper, grabbing Sammy by the shoulders and shaking him. Sammy stared at Dipper for a moment, going cross-eyed. Then, he poked Dipper's nose. "Boop! Heh, you look like a little kitten," he slurred. Dipper groaned and let go of Sammy. "This is just great! We're trapped in this crate with no way out, we're on our way to Washington, and Sammy can't even think straight anymore. How are we gonna get out of this one?," he groaned.
"This is all my fault," Mabel sighed, sitting against the wall. "I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers. Pacifica had me pegged all along. I'm just a silly failure, like that embarrassing president what's-his-name." "Aw, don't be like that, Maddie," said Sammy. "Even though you got us captured and messed everything up… uh, I don't know where I'm going with this."
"Come on, the Mabel I know would never give up so easily!," said Dipper, trying his best to cheer her up. "Well, the Mabel you know is a dumb, stinky poop face!," Mabel retorted. "Face it, Dipper. The only reason why we're here right now is because of me. I had to mess everything up… just like I always do." "Mabel, come on, that's not true," Dipper argued. "Oh, yeah?!," yelled Mabel, suddenly getting angry. "Well, what about when I dated Gideon and Norman?! You and Sammy had to save me both times, putting your own lives in danger!" "Mabel, come on," said Dipper, shaking his head. "You couldn't possibly have known that–" "And what about the time when you had to face some evil ghosts on your own while I was too busy stuffing my mouth with Smile Dip?!," Mabel yelled. "Or when I made fun of you at the diner?! And because of me, we're now stuck in this stupid crate, being taken to some super secret government place where we'll never get to see Grunkle Stan, or Wendy, or Soos, o-or mom and dad ever again!"
Upon hearing their parents being mentioned, Dipper gasped loudly. The severity of the situation finally dawned on him. If they didn't get out of here now… then they were never going to escape. They would never see the shack again, or their home in Piedmont, California. They would never see their friends or family ever again. The mere fact that they knew about Quentin Trembley, one of the government's biggest secrets, has put a target on their backs.
And what was going to happen to them soon? Were they going to be held prisoner for the rest of their lives, never to see the light of day again? Or worse? Somehow, this was more terrifying to Dipper than any supernatural force that they've encountered so far…
"It's all my fault… all my fault…," Mabel whimpered, rocking back and forth with her head tucked between her knees. "I-it's not your fault!," cried Dipper, trying to hide his newfound fear. "Don't give up hope just yet! We'll find a way out of here! S-somehow…" But Mabel only shook her head and kept whimpering like a sad dog. It broke Dipper's heart to see his own sister in such a state. He looked around and saw Sammy on his hands and knees, licking the peanut brittle that encased Trembley's body. Getting an idea, he took a chunk of the peanut brittle and offered it to Mabel. "Here, have some peanut brittle," he said. "That'll cheer you up." Dipper was still very frightened about their current situation, but right now, making Mabel happy again was his top priority. Mabel looked up and smiled gratefully. "T-thanks, Dipper," she said, wiping her face, then taking the chunk of peanut brittle from Dipper and munching on it.
Suddenly, the entire block of peanut brittle that encased Trembley's body started to shake and crack. Sammy, who was still licking it, quickly backed away with a confused noise. Then, the block of peanut brittle shattered completely, revealing Quentin Trembley in all his silly glory. "It is I, Quentin Trembley," he announced, before ripping his own pants off. Fortunately, he still had on his underwear. "You're alive! But how?," gasped Dipper. "Peanut brittle really does have life-sustaining properties! You're not silly, you're brilliant!," cried Mabel. "And so are you, dear girl, for following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!," said Trembley. Then, he stooped down in front of her with concern. "My girl, you have water leaking from your eyes! What's wrong?" "O-oh, nothing!," said Mabel, wiping the rest of her tears away.
"Wait a minute! Mabel, he's right! Making maps into hats, hanging upside-down; Your silliness solved the code that serious cops couldn't crack in a hundred years!," Dipper gasped with realization. "Whoa, really?," Mabel asked in disbelief. "Wow… I guess I did."
"We need your help, Question Tremors!," said Sammy, getting the president's name wrong. "We're trapped in some kind of crate-shaped box!" "It's a crate, Sammy," said Dipper. "Psh! Potato potahto," said Sammy. "By Jefferson! You are right!," said Trembley, looking around at their surroundings. He reached into his breast pocket and took out a golden key. "Good thing I have the President's Key, which can open any lock in America!" He walked up to the wall of the crate and tried to press his key into the wood. Of course, it didn't work. "Try twisting it the other way," Sammy suggested. Trembley did just that, but of course, it still didn't work.
"I… don't think that's gonna work," sighed Dipper. "Wood!," said Trembley. "My age-old enemy. In order to get out of here, this is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived." "I think I know who can help you," Dipper said with a confident smirk. "But how can Thompson get us out of here? He's not even here!," said Sammy. Dipper stared at Sammy in bewilderment. "Dude, I was obviously referring to Mabel. Why do you think it'd be one of Wendy's friends?" Sammy shrugged nonchalantly. "I dunno. That's why I asked," he said with a goofy smile.
"Hmmm, the young man does have a good point," mused Trembley, rubbing his chin in contemplation. Dipper groaned. "I really wish the effects of that tranquilizer dart would wear off already," he said, then turned towards Mabel. "So what do you think, Mabel? Got any ideas?" Mabel looked around at their surroundings, trying to find a way out. "Hmm. How 'bout… that hole?," she suggested, pointing to a small hole that even a mouse couldn't fit through. Trembley and Sammy thought it was a great idea. "Way to go, Melissa!," Sammy cheered. "We will leap through it!," cried Trembley. Mabel, Trembley, and Sammy all jumped towards the hole at once and tried to squeeze themselves through it. Mabel pushed one of her fingers through the hole and wriggled it around. "Almost. Almost there. Good! Keep pushing," said Trembley.
"I'm not sure this is working," sighed Dipper. He was honestly starting to give up hope again, and it didn't help that these three were making themselves look ridiculous. "Trust… the silliness!," cried Mabel. "Fiddlesticks! Keep going!," said Trembley. Suddenly, they heard what sounded like a woodpecker pecking near the hole where Mabel's finger was. "Is that my third wife? Sandy?," asked Trembley. Then, by some miracle, the crate completely fell apart. All of them just stood there in shock, wondering how that even happened. "...aw, we couldn't even fit through the hole!," whined Sammy. "Ooh, I know! Let's rebuild the box and try again!" "Young man… that is an excellent idea!," Trembley praised. "We don't have time for that! We gotta get out of here!," Dipper said urgently. "Also good!," said Trembley. With Dipper, leading the way, the group ran towards a door. Dipper opened it, revealing Durland on the other side, getting some ice. The deputy saw them and dropped the bucket of ice in shock. "Blubs!," he called out. The group ran away and climbed up a ladder which led to the emergency exit. Trembley started to press his key into the door repeatedly. "Give me that!," groaned Dipper, taking the key away. He turned the handle on the door and opened it. Then, they all went onto the roof of the train and started running, with Blubs and Durland not too far behind. However, their luck eventually ran out, as they finally stopped at the end of the train, with nowhere else to escape.
Blubs and Durland finally caught up to them, though Blubs was out of breath, being as unfit as he was. "There *huff* is *huff* no *huff* escape! I gotta take a knee," he groaned, getting down on one knee. "Are you okay? Can I get you anything?," asked Durland. Blubs looked up at him and smiled. "Edwin Durland, you are a diamond in the rough," he said. "Aw, how romantic!," sighed Sammy, clasping his hands together. "Sheriff Blubs, do you really want to lock us all up in a government facility somewhere?," Dipper asked pleadingly. "I've got no choice! Like I said earlier, our orders come from the very top!," Blubs argued. Dipper thought hard for a moment. Then, an idea came to his mind. "Wait! Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?," he asked. "No, sir. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window," Trembley said with a totally straight face. "Whoa, how did it taste?," asked Sammy. "Very chewy and bitter," Trembley replied. "I wouldn't recommend ordering one, especially for an evening meal!"
"Okay, guys, can we please get back on track now?," Dipper asked irritatedly. "Quentin, if you've never signed an official resignation, then… technically you're still legally the President of the United States, right?" He turned around and faced the two cops with newfound confidence. "You've gotta answer to this guy now!," he said, pointing behind him. "Huh?," asked Blubs and Durland, looking at each other in confusion. Trembley stepped forward. "As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened. And– and go on a delightful vacation," he ordered. Suddenly, a metal rail went flying towards them. Dipper and Mabel were able to duck just in time, with Dipper having to push Sammy's head down, but Trembley was not as lucky and got hit in the back of the head painfully. Fortunately, the impact didn't harm him that much. "Ow! Mmm yeeees!," he said. "Vacation?," asked Blubs, turning to face Durland. "What place have you always wanted to visit? One, two–" "Silly Water Fun Slides in Grand Lakes, Michigan!," the two cops joyfully cried out in unison. After that, they made the conductor stop the train for a moment so that Dipper, Mabel, Trembley, and Sammy could all get off. Blubs and Durland stayed on the train, now dressed in matching Hawaiian shirts, and waved at them as the train departed. "Bye-bye! Bye!," they hollered. Once the train was out of sight, Trembley got down on his knee and faced Mabel. "You've done a great service to your country, Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official U.S. congressman." He unfolded a black top hat and gave it to Mabel, who put it on. "I'm legalizing everything!," she declared.
Then, Trembley stood up and faced Sammy. "Samantha…," he said. "Heh heh, I have a girl's name now," Sammy chuckled. "...you have performed above and beyond in your duties today," Trembley continued. "As thanks, I would like to give you this…" He handed Sammy a single penny. "It is the only penny in the United States that shows Abraham Lincoln smoking a cigar and flipping you the bird. A bit crude, if you ask me, but I'm sure you'll appreciate it, what with you being part of the 'younger generation'..." "Cool!," said Sammy, gladly accepting it. Then, he tried biting into it with his teeth. "Ew! This isn't chocolate! Blegh!," he cried. "Don't worry, I've made that same mistake plenty of times," Trembley reassured him. "Though it is a rather grand idea, young man. Chocolate coins as currency… Why did we never think of that?"
Then, Trembley knelt down in front of Dipper. "And Roderick…," he said. "Uh– actually– uh–," said Dipper. "You dear boy are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land. So I'd like you to have my President's Key!," said Trembley. Dipper and Mabel smiled at each other. Even though today started off rough, it turned out to be a great day after all.
The group finally started making their way back to the town of Gravity Falls, where Pioneer Day was still taking place. On the way there, Sammy started slowly coming back to his senses, the effects of the tranquilizer dart finally wearing off. Needless to say, he was incredibly embarrassed by the way he acted earlier, and the pounding headache he now had was certainly not making him feel any better. He profusely apologized for providing no help to them when they needed him most, but the twins insisted that he did nothing wrong. Then, once they were finally at Gravity Falls, Trembley began to recount the time when he accidentally chopped down one of George Washington's favorite cherry trees. "And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk."
"A-greed!," said Mabel. Then, the group saw Pacifica in the distance, watching some little girls running around a maypole with her friends. One of the little girls accidentally tripped. "Kick her off the team," Pacifica said to her friends. As they walked away to do so, Mabel went to approach Pacifica. "Hey, Pacifica!," she said excitedly. "I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States! Who's silly now?" "What?," Pacifica asked, bewildered by what she just heard. Her confusion only grew when she looked over and saw Trembley fighting a bald eagle. "Who is that idiot?," she asked, pointing at him. "Put up your dukes, you bald fiend!," yelled Trembley, running past them as he tried to punch the eagle. "The eighth-and-a-half president of America," answered Mabel. "I know what you're thinking. How is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in peanut brittle and it–" But before Mabel could finish her sentence, Pacifica suddenly burst out in condescending laughter. "Wow! You really are a sad, dumb little girl. Nice top hat, by the way," she mocked. Meanwhile, her parents were also nearby, laughing along with her. "Good one, daughter," said Preston Northwest.
Dipper and Sammy watched the scene in front of them with anger and disgust. "Ooh! I see your car is stuck in the mud. Enjoy walking home!," Pacifica taunted before stepping into a sedan with her parents. As the car was leaving, Dipper and Sammy walked up to Mabel. "I'm so sorry about what happened, Mabel," said Sammy. "I know how much you wanted to be taken seriously." Surprisingly, Mabel didn't seem upset at all. "You know what?," she said with a smile. "I've got nothing to prove. It's like you told me earlier, Sammy. Being silly is awesome!" Sammy smiled back and gave Mabel a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you, Mabel," he said.
"But… aren't you gonna tell Pacifica about her ate-gray ampa-gray?," asked Dipper. "Eh, I don't really care about that anymore," Mabel said with a shrug. "If Pacifica is gonna see me as some silly kid for the rest of the summer, then let her. She doesn't know me that well, anyway." "But… but…," said Dipper, clearly distraught that he couldn't bring Pacifica down a peg like he hoped he would. But then, Sammy placed a hand on Dipper's shoulder. "Dipper, I don't usually condone petty revenge… but do it," he said with a smirk. And that was all the encouragement that Dipper needed. "Hey, Pacifica!," he hollered. Pacifica's car stopped, allowing Dipper to run up to the passenger window and shove the documents in Pacifica's face. "Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham. Deal with it!," he said. As the car moved again, Pacifica stared at the documents in shock. "What?! Moooom!," she cried. After the car left, Dipper walked back to Mabel and Sammy with a grin on his face. "Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!," he said. "Like I said, I don't really condone revenge," chuckled Sammy. "But for the Northwests, I'd gladly make an exception." Then, Trembley walked up to them with talon marks all over his face from his recent fight with the bald eagle.
"Children, I am needed elsewhere," he said. "Just know that I'll always be right here…" He pointed at Dipper's heart, as if to say that he would always be in their hearts, but then, in true Quentin Trembley fashion, he opened his palm to reveal a dollar bill with his own face on it. "On the negative twelve dollar bill." Dipper took the dollar from him and admired it. "Whoa. This is worthless," he said with a smile. "It's less than worthless, my boy," said Trembley. "Trembley away!" He jumped backwards onto a horse and rode off into the distance. "There goes Quentin Trembley, one of the weirdest men to ever live…," said Sammy, raising a salute. "Where do you think he's going?," asked Mabel. "I'm gonna say… off a cliff," answered Dipper.
The three of them went to find Stan, and were both surprised and amused when they saw him locked in the stocks. Stan wasted no time in venting to them about the horrible day he's had. "And then Soos came by and talked to me for like, an hour," he said. "You've been through so much," said Mabel. Dipper used the president's key on the lock for the stocks, and was able to unlock it. "It works!," he cheered. Stan stood up and rubbed his sore wrists, finally free from that infernal contraption. "So what's with the top hat?," he asked Mabel. "I am a congressman," Mabel replied. "Pardon me?," asked Stan, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "You are officially pardoned," said Mabel. Everyone started laughing, except for Stan, who still had no idea what was going on. "Oy! You are never gonna make sense, are you, kid?," he sighed.
"No, I'm not, Grunkle Stan. No, I'm not. Mabel, away!," cried Mabel, jumping backwards like Trembley did. However, she ended up crashing into some barrels. "I'm okay!"
Stan rolled his eyes. "Welp, I'm glad someone had a good day. But what about you, Dipper?," he asked. "Huh?," said Dipper. Stan rolled his eyes again. "I meant, how do ya feel right now, kid? Did you have fun? Are you finally over what went on between you and Sammy? Look, I'm trying to act like I care right now, so gimme something to work with, will ya?" Dipper thought about it for a moment. Then, he looked up at Sammy, and Sammy looked back at him. Both of them smiled at each other. "I did have a lot of fun, Grunkle Stan," said Dipper, looking back at his great uncle. "And yeah, I do feel a lot better now. Thanks." Stan couldn't help but smile a little. "That's good to hear, kid," he said, relieved. "Now come on, let's get your sister, then get the heck out of this place. I'm gonna go crazy if I stay here any longer."