She didn't call.
But then again, first thing in the morning he'd sent four priestesses to stay in the castle and make sure Gabrielle and her got all their needs catered to. The thought of going back there and seeing her – he couldn't deal with her now; no, not for the time being.
While the castle had long been spell-protected against entry from the outside, now he locked it also from the inside, both physically and with a spell, so that no one could get out without his intervention. His mind was all over the place as it was, he couldn't afford to worry about her leaving.
What he thought would be several days turned into weeks. He did come back only one time, at the beginning, once he figured that maybe there was something she needed but was too proud to ask him, maybe something for the baby – he didn't know about this stuff, but he didn't want to see her – and so, about this, he decided to ask Gabrielle. The world was ending, indeed, if he preferred to talk to the Bard than her.
He opened a portal, waiting for Gabrielle to be alone. She was about to take a bath, but luckily, he made it in time to walk in on her when she was still fully clothed; she might have a been woman, but imagining her nude had the same effect as picturing his own mother.
"Ares…"
"You're free to stay here for as long as you want. The girls are here to feed you and help you with anything you need, I vouch for them – you can trust them."
"But the gods—"
"No one knows you're here. Just Aphrodite."
"But—"
"It's my fortress – no one can enter here without my permission, no god, no mortal; it's spell-protected."
She was nervous, he could see it. There was a question on her face, so he waited.
"Ares, why are you doing this? Why are you helping us?"
"I really wish I knew," he huffed bitterly. "Anything else you need? Stuff for the baby?"
Oh gods, now she was staring at him with those tearful eyes, making him regret coming here. "A crib would be nice," she smiled faintly, and he had to look away. It made sense that Xena's tears moved him, but her? What the fuck was going on with him?
He disappeared a moment later, leaving stunned Gabrielle with a wooden crib right in front of her.
Next days were a drag; trying to live his life as before, overlooking his campaign in the North; while simultaneously putting up a show for his family, demanding to know where Xena is and threating to kill whoever laid their hands on her. Somehow, all the rage and despair weren't even too hard to pull off. Thinking of his mother helped a lot.
But even with his schedule fully packed from dusk till dawn, she still managed to creep into his head and drive him crazy. The vision of her on that bed, screaming in agony; the look on her face when she nursed the baby; her eyes when she thanked him; it all made falling asleep drag on for hours.
He needed a plan. He didn't have one. And he wasn't going back there until he did.
He couldn't go there now and brood over her with the child in her arms, the child whose existence announced his death; the child that he, the God of War – instead of killing in the womb – as much as helped to come into this world instead.
If his family knew about it – he would be done for; even with all his powers, he didn't stand a chance if they would gang up on him and lock him in Hephaestian chains. He would rot in Tartarus till the end of time. Unless the Twilight was near; then, he'd likely perish along with everyone. What a surreal concept to imagine, ceasing to exist; so fascinating, and so chilling at the same time.
What if he gave up his godhood? Would that save him from the Twilight? How much time of his godly existence did he have left, anyway? The prophecy didn't disclose that. Was it months, years? Did it make sense to give up his godhood already? Then again, if he became mortal now, he had no guarantee he wouldn't die of influenza next week.
Oh yeah, sure, become mortal, and have her babysit him – he was fucking useless as a mortal – last time it happened, all he'd been able to do was sit with his ass glued to a tavern bench and drown his misery in the ocean of ale. No, no fucking way, anything but this; out of the question.
So, what was the plan, then? Lead a double life, waiting for death to come? How long was he going to put up the farce in front of his family? For now, they seemed to have bought it that he was still desperately looking for Xena, but there was something in the way Athena looked at him in the last meeting that confirmed his predictions that this wasn't a long-term solution. Yes, he'd wiped off Xena's soul signature from the ether, she was untraceable, but even that was bound to raise suspicions, sooner than later. Actually, if they hadn't been as dumb as they were, they would've traced it back to him already.
Or, he could go back to the Halls of War, appear in her room when she was sleeping, reach into the crib and just end this once and for all.
He snapped a portal open. She was asleep.
Silently, he materialized himself next to the wooden crib. The room was dimly lit with just two wall-torches mounted on the wall on the other side of the room, one on each side of the bed – quire far, but the faint light was enough to see the inside of the crib. The child was asleep as well; that was what he thought at first. But when he leaned in, a set of eyes opened abruptly, pinning him with a wide-eyed gaze, little mouth agape.
Swiftly, he reached inside the crib before a single whimper had time to leave the mouth.