April 10th, 1973
This school year has been pretty easy academically, aside from Charms, but Potter and Black have been even worse to me than they were last year. I always fight back, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. At least when I'm with my friends in Slytherin, they don't bother me too much. This Easter, I stayed at school because my mum said she didn't want me distracting her and my dad. I was one of the only people who stayed at school, aside from a seventh-year Hufflepuff, and a couple of fourth-year Ravenclaws, so I was really lonely. It almost felt like how it used to be before Lily moved to Cokeworth. I kept having to remind myself that all my friends would be back soon, but it was still hard to be all alone again. Even though there was a lot of good food, I found that I couldn't eat very much. Madame Pomfrey sat and talked with me a few times when she noticed I wasn't eating, and that helped me feel a bit better. She even helped me study dates for History of Magic! Even though it was cold outside, I spent a lot of time walking around the lake. Once in a while, Hagrid would come by with his big, shaggy black dog, Monster, and feed the giant squid. He even let me pet Monster! He's really nice— I don't know why Lucius doesn't like him. Lucius says he's a brainless oaf, but I don't think so. I think he knows a lot of things, just not things Lucius thinks are worth knowing. Lucius hasn't sent too many letters this year, since he's been very busy, but once in a while he's been able to come to visit Narcissa and me! It's been weird not hanging out with him and his friends by the fire at night, but Narcissa's still been really nice to me. Even though we're not as close, I know I can always ask for her help if I'm confused about something in my classes, and I can always count on her to complain at me if my hair is getting too greasy. Next year is going to be weird without them, but it'll be fine. I'm 13 now, anyways, which means next year I'll be able to go to Hogsmeade! I'm excited to have a little more freedom, but still a little nervous. It'll be okay, though. I know Lucius will still come visit me once in a while. Hopefully. This past Christmas Break, Lucius picked me up on December 26th again to spend the rest of break with him. Lucius also took me to my checkup at St. Mungo's this past summer, and to the station for school. Since I still had a bit of brain damage from my previous concussions, the healers said they needed to see me back in a year to make sure I was healing alright and to check on my weight, and since my mum is too busy at work to take me, Lucius will be taking me again instead. He says he always has time for me, and that after my check-up, he'll take me to Madame Circe's Tavern to see my mum and tell her how my appointment went. It's nice that Lucius always makes time for me. I wish my mum and dad did, too.
Now that Easter break is over and Lily's back, we've been hunting for morels in the Forbidden Forest. Last year we found a bunch, and so far this year we've found a lot, too. I guess the rest of the students must not know about all the mushrooms in the forest, or they'd all be out looking! That, or maybe it's a muggle thing. Before my dad started drinking, he'd take me mushroom hunting in the spring every year in the woods. He always thought it was funny that morels are so expensive that rich people spend lots of money on them, but we get them for free. Even when he stopped taking me, I'd still go on my own to look. That way, even if we didn't have money to buy groceries, we'd at least have some mushrooms. Once Lily moved to town, I taught her how to hunt for mushrooms, too, and ever since, we've gone mushroom hunting each spring. Last year, she sent some to her parents, and we cooked the rest. This year, I've been sending some to Lucius as well. Morels are expensive, and he does a lot for me, so I figure it's a good way to give back to him.
Today, after we've finished hunting, we head to the potion's lab to cook the mushrooms we found yesterday, and clean and soak the ones we found today. As we're sauteéing the mushrooms in a big clean cauldron with a little bit of the olive oil and salt and pepper Lily brought from home, somebody opens the door to the lab. We're not entirely sure we're allowed to be using the lab on weekends as second-years, and we nervously turn around to face the intruder.
"Oh," I sneer, "It's just you. Why are you down here?"
"We noticed you two sneaking around the forest, so we followed you down here to see what you were up to!" Potter says, stuffing some fabric into his backpack as Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew all file into the room, "Evans, why are you hanging out with Snivellous when you could be hanging out with us?"
Lily frowns, and, pointing at him accusatorially with her spatula, exclaims, "We didn't see any of you in the forest, or following us down here! Why were you lurking around poking your noses into our business? And don't call him that! I'm hanging out with Severus because he's my friend, and I wouldn't hang out with you lot for a million galleons!"
"That hurts, Evans," Potter says, putting his hand over his chest as if mortally wounded, "We were following you because Snivellous is sketchy, and we want to make sure he's not convincing you to do anything weird! Like whatever sketchy concoction you're making!"
"It's none of your business what we're making. Leave us alone," I growl. Lily turns around to tend to the mushrooms as the oil starts to sizzle.
"Smells like mushrooms," Lupin says, shoving past Potter and taking a tentative step towards us, "My dad and I used to like to hunt for mushrooms in the spring."
"Me too!" I say before I can stop myself, "What does your dad do for work?"
"He's a lawyer at the ministry. Why?" he responds, raising his eyebrows slightly.
"I didn't know if it was just a muggle thing, I guess," I mutter, scuffing my shoe on the floor.
"What's your dad do?" Lupin asks interestedly.
"Probably nothing," Black scoffs, "Probably sits around the house all day drinking."
I can feel myself turn red, and I exclaim, "My dad works at the car factory in our town! He works real hard! He's always putting in overtime and stuff! He's gonna get a promotion someday, too! "
"Yeah, Sev's dad works super hard! You shouldn't say stuff like that about people's parents, Black!" Lily says, turning back around to face the four Gryffindors.
"How do you know about his parents?" Potter asks, frowning.
"'Cause we're friends, obviously!" Lily scoffs, "We've been friends since I moved to his neighborhood! He's the one who taught me how to hunt for mushrooms!"
I quickly turn and put the fire out under the cauldron.
"Regardless," Lupin says, interrupting Potter as he opens his mouth, "I can't believe I never thought to look in the Forbidden Forest! Do you send some of what you find to your family?"
"I do!" Lily says.
"I send some to Lucius," I say after a moment of expectant silence.
"Why wouldn't you send any to your parents? That's so selfish!" Pettigrew exclaims from behind Potter.
I frown at him and say, "Not everybody's parents wanna get owls all the time. My parents are busy! They don't have time to be getting owls!"
"Nah, Peter, his parents just don't like him. I wouldn't want to be getting owls from him, either!" Potter laughs.
"You know, James, it'd be a shame if one of the professors found out that Snivellous here was sneaking around in the forest," Black sneers.
"Why are you so obsessed with getting me in trouble?" I sigh, "If it's okay for you all to go sneaking around in the forest, why is it not okay for me?"
"Because you're you," Black grins, "You're just a vile, ugly piece of shit. You shouldn't even be at Hogwarts. You should be back in whatever poor trash town you come from!"
"You take it back!" Lily exclaims, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Black, "If you're going to say those things about Sev, then you might as well say the same about me! We're practically neighbors!"
"You know, Black," I say quietly, "you sound an awful lot as if you're implying that muggleborns and half-bloods shouldn't be here."
Black's face goes red, and he lunges at me. Lupin grabs the back of his robes and pulls him back.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Black yells at me, wrenching his robes from Lupin's grasp, "You hang around Lucius, and Evan, and Clarence! You're the one who believes that shit, not me!"
"Yeah, I hang out with Lucius and them, but your friends hang out with you," I smile, motioning at Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew, "Or do they not know that your family's one of the oldest, most muggle-hating families in the country? I bet they didn't know you're on first name basis with my friends."
Potter turns to regard Black with surprise, "You never told us that," he says quietly.
"Oops," I jeer, "guess not."
Black lunges at me again and shoves me to the floor, yelling, "I'm not like them!"
"Maybe we should go," Pettigrew squeaks.
Suddenly, we hear footsteps in the hall, and Professor Slughorn enters the lab. He looks briefly around at us, taking in the scene. Lily holds out her hand and helps me up. Pettigrew and Lupin exchange looks.
"What's going on here?" Professor Slughorn frowns.
"We just—" Potter starts, but Lily cuts him off.
"We were in here cooking mushrooms we found on the edge of the forest, when they came in here to bother us!"
Slughorn looks briefly into our cauldron and chuckles, "Morels! What fun! I haven't had a morel in quite some time! I won't ask where exactly you found them, Lily, I know a good mushroom hunter never divulges where they find their patches! So good of you to include Severus!"
I look at him incredulously, and open my mouth to speak, but Lily interrupts me to say, "No, sir! It was Sev who taught me how to find them! We live in the same town! We used to go hunting for morels in the woods near his house every spring!"
"Really? What fun! Sirius, lad! I heard you raise your voice?" he asks, smiling dotingly down at Black.
"Snape said that I—" Black starts, but Potter cuts him off.
"He said he didn't want to tell us where they found the mushrooms," Potter says quickly, "and Sirius got frustrated because he was thinking of sending some to his parents."
"Well, Sirius, lad," Slughorn laughs, patting Black on the shoulder, "as I said, a good mushroom hunter never tells where their patches are! Perhaps you can all go hunting together next time! You should take your brother with you! Perhaps introduce him to Lily! His potions could use a little work, and she's been doing wonderfully in class lately!"
"Maybe," Black says through a very fake smile.
Slughorn tells us to behave ourselves, and that he'll be in his office if we need him, then leaves the room.
"Let's just go," Black growls, and he and his friends leave the room.
Once they've gone, Lily gives me a short, one-armed hug, "I'm sorry Slughorn favors Black and Potter so much. You're worth 10 of them."
"He likes them 'cause they're rich, popular, tall, and have connections, and I'm just a poor, ugly nobody," I grumble, scooping the mushrooms out of the cauldron and onto a plate.
"Don't say that! You're not ugly, and you're not just nobody! You're top of our class at potions! Sure, you could maybe wash your hair more often, but we're growing up! We're all a little sweatier than we used to be," Lily laughs.
"I'm just nervous that if I wash it too often, I'll use up the shampoo and conditioner Lucius gave me! If I use it all up, then I'll have to start using soap on my hair again, and that makes it look even worse!" I exclaim.
"If you run out, I'll give you some of mine! Or you could just write to him and ask for more, you silly goose!"
"I don't like to ask him for things," I mutter, "I don't want him to think I'm too needy. It's better to just let him give me things he thinks I need or want."
"So you're like a sucker-fish?" Lily laughs.
"I guess so! But if you think I should wash my hair more, then I will."
"Good. You have really pretty hair when you take care of it," she says, looking into my eyes.
"Thanks," I smile, looking back into hers.
"It really bothered me that Slughorn was saying all that about me being so good at potions when you were right there. I'm not bad, but you're incredible. What grade level are you working at now?"
I run my fingers through my hair, and, grinning, say, "Fourth-year. But it's not that big of a deal!"
"Yeah, it is! He should be proud of you! You're just as much his student as I am! Plus, you do a ton in Potions Club! I know I'm gonna vote for you to be Vice President next year for sure! I'll bet you Slughorn's just threatened by how good you are," Lily says, popping a mushroom into her mouth and shoving the plate towards me.
I pick one up, but don't put it in my mouth. I feel like there's something stuck in my throat. I swallow, and say, "Maybe, but I don't see how he could be. Like I said, I'm nothing. I'm weak, and ugly, and a failure, and nobody really likes me. But it's fine."
"How can you say that?!" Lily exclaims, "You're not any of those things, and I like you! I'm sure your friends in Slytherin like you, right? At least I know Rosier likes you! I see you and him hanging out all the time! Malfoy likes you, right?"
"I guess," I mumble.
"Then stop saying stuff like that! You can't let other people make you feel bad about yourself! I used to get made fun of all the time in school back in Cokeworth! Marcus O'Leary used to pull my hair, and Charlotte King used to make fun of my freckles, but I didn't let it get to me!"
"But your dad stuck up for you!"
"And your friends stick up for you. You should be more confident. You're a really cool person, Sev. I wish you could see that," Lily says, and briefly puts her hand over mine.
I smile at her, say, "Thanks, Lily. You're a really cool person, too. I'm glad we're friends."
"Me too! Now eat your mushroom! They're great! We did a really good job on them this time!"
Smiling, I put the mushroom in my mouth and chew. She's right, we did do a really good job on them this time. I hope we're still able to find them now that Lupin said he wants to hunt for them, too. That's one of the only things I can do to give back to Lucius that I know for sure he likes, other than giving him potions once in a while, and always doing what he says. Remembering my checkup at St. Mungo's last summer, I say, "Lucius didn't agree with Healer Smithwick at my checkup last summer."
"What?" Lily asks through a full mouth.
"He took me to my checkup before school, and Healer Smithwick said my weight wasn't as bad as usual, but that I still needed to gain some weight to get healthier, but after my checkup Lucius said he thought I looked fine, and that I looked like I had gained plenty of weight, and that I probably just had a growth spurt recently, and that it's good 'cause now he doesn't have to worry about my weight anymore."
"That's not too bad, though! It's good you were healthier than normal, right?"
I shrug, remembering how bad I felt when Lucius said that he didn't have to worry about my weight anymore, "But what if he doesn't want to pay attention to me anymore?" I mumble, looking down.
"Why would your weight have anything to do with him paying attention to you?" Lily laughs, "That's silly! And that doesn't make sense, 'cause you're still super skinny!"
I shrug again, "Yeah, I guess," but I'm not so sure. All I know is that everybody aside from my friends pays more attention to me when I'm too skinny, and I don't want to lose that. I put down my mushrooms and look across the room.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah!" I smile. I take a deep breath, and start cleaning up the stuff we used to cook the mushrooms, "Let's clear this up and go send off our extras, okay? You can finish mine. I'm full."
"Okay, if you say so!" Lily says happily, and moves the rest of my mushrooms on to her plate. She finishes eating, and helps me clean up. When we're done cleaning, we tie up our extra mushrooms in cheesecloth sacks and walk to the owlery to send them off, then I walk her up to the Gryffindor common room and we say goodnight. As I walk back to my common room, I stop by the hospital wing. I look around to make sure Madame Pomfrey's not looking, then go to the scale to quickly weigh myself. I'm 74 pounds. I was 68 pounds at my last checkup. I sniff, and walk away from the scale. I need to make sure to eat less so that I'm not big again at my next check-up. I don't want Lucius to stop worrying about me.
About a week later as Lily and I hang back behind our friend groups to walk back from Herbology class together, Lily nudges me. Before I can speak, she points the the courtyard. In horror, I see Lucius talking to Professor Slughorn, and drag Lily behind a tree.
"Do you wanna go out first, or do you want me to?" she whispers.
"I dunno, do you wanna sneak around to their right and I can sneak around to their left? Then if he sees me on my own I can just tell him I had to stay back to ask Sprout something," I whisper, quickly glancing out from behind the tree. Clarence has now joined Lucius and Slughorn. I duck back behind the tree as Clarence points back towards the greenhouses, "Shit. You go. I'll pretend to have been studying. Go!"
She glances around the tree, then, crouching, dashes off away towards the wall of the courtyard.
I sit down, grab a book out of my backpack, and open it up to a random page. I wait for Lucius to get a little ways down the path before I call out to him, "Lucius! What are you doing here?"
He turns, and seeing me, he starts walking over, and chuckles, "Severus! What in the world are you doing studying here?"
"I just needed to check something!" I smile, stand up, put my book away, and ask again, "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I'm here to take Narcissa out to dinner, but I figured I'd check in on you, too," he says, giving me a hug, "You look healthy!"
My smile falls, and as he pats my back and lets me go I wrap my arms around myself, mumbling, "Thanks."
"And I do want to thank you for the morels you've been sending me! They're delicious. You have a real knack for finding those!" he smiles, putting a hand on my back and leading me towards the courtyard.
"Thank you! My dad taught me how to find them a long time ago! We used to—"
"Speaking of morels," Lucius says, cutting me off, "I was just speaking with Professor Slughorn. He said he stumbled in on you and a friend cooking morels last week. Would you happen to know which friend he was speaking of?"
Nervous, I start cracking my knuckles, "Um, there were a couple people who were there when he came in."
"But you can't remember any of their names?" he exclaims, feigning surprise.
"Uh, Sirius Black was there, but he's not a friend. Maybe Slughorn thought—"
"Professor Slughorn told me it was your friend from home! You know, that girl with the red hair!"
I clasp my hands behind my back to stop from wringing them, and say, "Oh, her! Yeah, I mean, she was there for a bit."
"And I'm assuming it had slipped your mind that last year I warned you not to hang out with her anymore?" he says quietly as we walk around a group of Ravenclaws.
"I— uh, no, I didn't forget, but I-I-I-I just... I mean..."
Lucius smirks at me like a cat who's got its prey cornered, "Yes? Do go on."
Unbidden, my hands snake their way back out from behind my back and I start cracking my knuckles again, "I mean, we go mushroom hunting together, but that's about it. 'Cause I had taught her how to find them before Hogwarts when we were little, and her feelings would get hurt if I don't let her come with me to get them anymore, and I don't want to make her sad, and-and-and-and—" I stutter.
"Right," Lucius smiles nastily. He doesn't say anything else until have made it to the entrance of the Slytherin common room. I say the password, and we walk in. A few people wave and say hello to Lucius, and he smiles at them. Narcissa isn't there yet, so Lucius walks me over to one of the the tables in the corner by the window to the lake and sits me down.
"Are you mad at me?" I whisper uncomfortably.
"Just disappointed," he says coolly, "I suppose I thought you were smart enough to know not to lie to me."
I look down at my knees. I don't know what to say.
Lucius sighs, and looks away from me.
Unable to take the tense silence any longer, I beg, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to lie to you! I just didn't want her to be sad! I promise!"
"Listen, Severus, I understand not wanting to make a girl sad, so next time you go mushroom hunting, just don't tell her you're going, alright? And if she asks, just say that you wanted to show your other friends as well, and that it would be too crowded with all of you. She might be sad for a bit, but I promise you, as soon as you stop spending time with her, she'll forget all about you and your mushrooms. And besides, she is a mudblood after all," he chuckles, "You shouldn't worry about hurting her feelings in the slightest, alright?"
"Okay," I say, feeling terrible.
"I know you'll make the right choice when the time comes. You wouldn't want people to think you have a crush on some mudblood, would you? Or that you're more loyal to a mudblood than to your friends?"
"No! I don't have a crush on her!" I exclaim quietly, not wanting everybody else in the common room to hear me.
"Oh, I know you don't, but do they?" he asks, jerking his head towards the group of seventh-years by the fire, "You need to be careful about the company you keep, Severus. It would be a shame if the people in your own house couldn't trust you."
A shiver runs down my spine, and I nod jerkily, saying, "I understand."
"Good boy," he purrs, "Let's check your homework while we for Narcissa, alright?"
I nod, and pull my homework out of my backpack. I don't know how I'm going to break it to Lily that we really can't hang out at school anymore unless we're truly out of sight. I don't even think there's a place like that here! At least summer break is coming up in a couple of months, then we'll be able to hang out all summer to make up for not being able to hang out at school. I'm sure she'll understand. I hope.
Once Narcissa arrives in the common room, Lucius quickly checks her homework while John and I work on our spells from Transfiguration class earlier in the day, then Lucius takes Narcissa out to dinner after promising to bring something sweet back for me, too. Narcissa kisses my head, and I smile and wave goodbye as they leave. John rolls his eyes.
"What?" I ask defensively.
"Why do I feel like you're their kid, and I'm babysitting you while they go on their little date?" he asks, grinning.
"Stop it!" I smile, gently smacking his arm, "Don't be weird!"
"John? Being weird? Never!" Joseph laughs as he walks over.
"Hey, I'm not nearly as weird as Severus!" John exclaims, "He actually likes that Lucius and Narcissa treat him like their kid."
"They do not!" I exclaim, starting to get annoyed.
Joseph looks uncomfortable, and scratches his head, "I dunno, mate, they kind of do, though. But, hey, whatever works for you, right? I mean, they clearly like playing house with you, and you clearly like being treated like a baby."
"Take it back!" I exclaim angrily. The common room goes quiet, and everybody turns to look at us. Hastily, I plaster a smile on my face and ask Joseph, "Was that good?"
Joseph, realizing that everybody's looking at us, and thankfully catching on quickly, says, "Yeah! Say it like that and they're bound to listen to you!"
The rest of the students in the common room start talking amongst themselves again, and I glower back at John and Joseph, "Take it back!" I whisper.
"Okay, okay!" Joseph says, putting his hands up, "You don't like being treated like a baby! Whatever."
"Sorry," I mumble, "I just... I know they kinda treat me like I'm a little kid sometimes, but... I just..."
"Look, it doesn't matter. We were just messing with you! Don't take it too seriously," John smiles, "Come on, let's keep practicing. I want to get this spell consistent."
Thankful that they've dropped the subject, I agree, and the three of us continue practicing until dinner, when we join back up with Evan and Clarence who were studying by the lake.
After dinner, we hang out for a little while in the common room while I wait for Lucius and Narcissa to come back. Now that I think about it, they do treat me like their kid, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I do like it. I've never had anybody treat me as well as Lucius does, so why wouldn't I like it? Evan asks if I want to play chess, but I would rather watch tonight instead, so I sit on the floor, holding my arms around my knees and rocking back and forth ever so slightly. Not enough to annoy people, but just enough to be soothing. Finally, Lucius and Narcissa come back. I immediately stand up and run over to them. Lucius embraces me, and Narcissa hands me a small take-out box containing a slice of chocolate cake with a cherry on top. I thank them both, and as we make our way to the fireplace, the seventh-years who are currently sitting there stand up and walk to another set of couches so that Lucius and Narcissa can sit down.
I begin to sit down on the floor in front of Lucius, but Narcissa scoots away from Lucius and pats the couch in between them, saying, "Come sit with us!"
I gladly stand back up and sit down between them. Lucius puts his arm around me and Narcissa's shoulders, pulling Narcissa in towards him and squeezing me between them.
Narcissa giggles, "We're a sandwich now!"
I smile, and briefly lean my head against Lucius' chest. After a few seconds, Lucius lets go of Narcissa, but keeps his arm draped across our shoulders. I pull my legs up so that I can sit cross-legged on the couch. It's more comfortable this way. My knees rest on Narcissa and Lucius' legs, but it doesn't bother them, "How was your date?" I ask, leaning my bead back on Lucius' arm and closing my eyes. It's been a long day, and even though it's not too late, I'm feeling tired.
"It was wonderful! We went to Madame Puddyfoot's, and had the most wonderful talk about our wedding someday, and children, and what kind of wedding dress I want to wear!" Narcissa says happily, inspecting her long, pristinely manicured nails, "What color do you think I should do next weekend? Lucius says he likes my nails this nice, pale pink, but they've been this color for a while, and I'm feeling a bit bored."
"Oh, I dunno," I yawn, "Maybe blue? Like you had them done for graduation to match your ring and dress."
"That's a good idea! I was thinking lavender, but I think I'd rather do blue. Thank you!" she smiles, "Aren't you going to try your cake?"
I lean forward and pick my cake up off the coffee table. There's a small disposable wooden fork inside of the box. I take a small bite of the cake. It's delicious! I go to take another bite, but before it touches my lips, I become aware of Lucius watching me out of the corner of my eye, and I stop.
"What's wrong?" Lucius asks, "Do you not like it?"
I shake my head, and quickly eat the bite of cake. I swallow, and, sucking in my stomach, I say, "No, it's great! Thank you for bringing it to me! I really appreciate it! I'm just a little tired, and I'm full from dinner, you know?"
Lucius quickly looks me up and down, and asks, "Have you lost weight since I saw you last?"
"I don't think so!" I say, careful to keep any semblance of a smile off my face.
"Well, it's good you're full from dinner at least," he says, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "That means you've been eating well!"
Unsure of how to respond, I just shrug my shoulders.
We sit quietly for a little while, then Lucius stands up, stretches, and says, "Narcissa, darling, you're going to trim Severus' hair tonight before bed, correct? Or did you say you were doing it tomorrow instead?"
"Have you already taken a shower today, Severus?" she asks.
"Mm mm," I respond, stifling a yawn.
"Why don't you go ahead and take a quick one and wash your hair? That way I can trim it quickly before you go to bed, and we won't have to worry about taking time out of the weekend to do it?"
"Mm kay," I nod, and stand up. Lucius hugs me so tightly that he picks me up off the floor. I giggle, and grab onto his shirt as my body dangles like a ragdoll. Lucius smiles as he puts me down, and ruffles my hair, saying, "It was good to see you again! Make sure to eat that cake, and keep working hard in your classes! If you have any questions, send me an owl, alright?"
I nod, "Okay! Thank you for the cake, and for helping me with my homework, and everything!"
He says goodbye, gives me one last hug, and sends me off to take my shower while he says goodbye to Narcissa. As I walk past my friends to get to our dorm to put my cake on my bedside table and grab my shower stuff, Evan meets my eyes. He looks preoccupied, and doesn't smile back when I smile at him. I shake it off, and assume that he's just stressed about schoolwork and exams.
I take a quick shower, and while Narcissa trims my hair, she talks to me about her date with Lucius. I am content to let her talk, and only speak when she asks me questions. I think some people think Narcissa is stupid because she likes to talk about hair, and nails, and makeup, and things like that, but I understand. She's passionate about those things, just like I'm passionate about my potions. I could talk for hours about how cool some of the poisons I've read about are, but nobody ever gives me the chance. They always interrupt me, or talk over me, or change the topic, so I let Narcissa talk because I know it makes her happy.
When she's done with my trim, she has me help her clear away the hair on the floor, then gives me a hug, "Alright! You're all done! Go ahead and go to bed now! You need a good night's sleep!"
I roll my eyes at her, "Yes, mother."
"You're so silly!" she smiles, and playfully boxes me over the head.
"Um, that's bullying, and I'm gonna report you to Dumbledore!" I joke.
"Oh, no! Whatever shall I do?!" she exclaims sarcastically, "Bullying? Not in my good, Slytherin common room!"
We both laugh, wish each other a good night, and I head off to join my friends in our dorm. As I reach my hand out to open the door, I hear Evan talking quietly. I glance around surreptitiously to make sure nobody is nearby, then listen intently to what he's saying.
"... is it just me, though?" he asks.
"I dunno, mate, I think it's a little weird, too, but I think you're overreacting a bit. Different strokes for different folks, right?" Joseph says.
"But they're so affectionate with him! And Lucius never used to be like that before! I remember him always being kind of stand-offish!" Evan exclaims.
"Shh!" Clarence says, and I can just imagine the look of exasperation on his face that he always gets when one of us is doing something we shouldn't, "Do you want somebody to hear you? And I know Lucius used to be a bit stand-offish, but maybe he's just loosened up over the last few years. Maybe he's just not as stressed as he used to be. We all change as we get older, right?"
"Yeah, but I don't know. You're probably right, but I just think it's weird, that's all," Evan says quietly.
"I mean, I agree with you that it's a little odd, but Severus likes it, and it's not like they're causing any harm, so what does it matter?" Clarence asks, "What are you so worried about? I think it's nice of them to be so kind to him. He doesn't talk about his mother and father, but it's obvious they don't pay much attention to him, isn't it? I mean, if my mother and father didn't care about me, I'd be pretty happy to find somebody like Lucius and Narcissa, wouldn't you?"
I look at the floor, and feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes. Is it really that obvious to everybody that my mum and dad don't care about me?
"You're probably right," Evan sighs.
"And anyways, why do you care so much?" John asks, "It's not our business, is it? Like Joseph said earlier, they just like playing house. It's not hurting anybody, so it doesn't matter."
Feeling terrible about myself, I walk slowly back to the common room. Almost everybody has gone to bed by now, and the only other students who are up are a few fifth, sixth, and seventh-years who are studying for their exams. Needing to clear my head, I sit on the rug by the fireplace, take a deep breath, and stare into the fire.
What feels like both hours and seconds later, I flinch as somebody touches my shoulder. Looking up, I see Evan.
"What'd you do that for?!" I exclaim, "You scared me!"
"Just seeing if you were ever coming to bed or not," he says.
"Yeah, I just needed to clear my head a bit," I mumble, looking back into the fire.
"Why?"
I shrug, not wanting to tell him I was eavesdropping earlier.
"Well, why don't you come in? It's pretty late."
I nod, and, tearing myself away from the fireplace, I stand up and follow Evan back to our dorm room. It's fine. Maybe I just didn't hear anything at all. I wasn't listening by the door. The only thing that happened was that I went back to my dorm, realized I needed some time alone for a bit, and went back out to the common room. The only thing I've heard since parting from Narcissa has been the crackling of the fire and the soft voices of the older students studying for their exams.